- Moseby teaching London to drive, and the Fun with Acronyms that results from her calling the Gearshift a "PRNDL" (pronounced like "prindle").
Carey: Aren't you going to miss your brother (while Cody's at math camp), Zack?
Zack: Yeah, right, like I'm gonna miss a bunch of nerds going (mock chant) "two, four, six, eight, why can't we get a date?"
- In "Cookin' with Romeo and Juliet":
Maddie, that Romeo and Juliet book has a happy ending right? (beat) Maddie: Yeah! (London leaves as Maddie walks away, shaking her head and mouthing no)
- The pie fight scene. Freaking hilarious.
- "Happy Hanukkah London."
- Maddie's school is about to play against another school.
Nun: Now, girls, before we pound these losers into the ground, let us pray. Dear Lord, please let us pound these losers into the ground.
- In "The Arwin That Came to Dinner," when Lance broke up with London:
Lance: I hope we can still be friends.
(London throws a vase at his head. He ducks and the vase shatters against the door.)
Lance: Maybe not close friends.
- When the nuns give London and Maddie a fake baby to take care of
Nun: If you don't take care of it, I shall know.
London: You mean? (points up at the sky terrified)
Nun: No, dear, it has a voice recorder in the back.
- The twins find an old video tape that shows their mother giving birth to them and later reveals that she used to get them mixed up. They call her out on this:
Cody: Any other secrets from us, mom? If that is your real name.
Carey: I am your mother. Do I need to show you the beginning of the tape again?
- The twins are trying to help Arwin win a hotel engineer competition. The advice they give him is to think of a happy place so there's less pressure. We get this exchange (or something along the lines of it):
Cody: The race is going to start soon Arwin. Got your happy place?
Arwin: Well at first it was me and mother on a lovely tropical cruise. But then a storm hit and the waves were huge and then her wheel chair rolled off the side and I yelled 'Mother! Throw me the house keys!'
Zack: Okaayyy. How bout thinking about a nice cookie?
- This exchange (don't remember exactly how it goes):
Mom: Okay...what do you say I keep this job and get you a babysitter?
Cody: W-w-w-wait! You just said we were little men!
Mom: Okay, a little men sitter.
- From "The Suite Smell of Excess", when the boys wind up in a parallel universe...
Cody: Could this get any weirder?
Female!Esteban: (Enters) Maid service!
Zack: That would be a yes!
- From "Super Twins", the boys get superpowers, and so does Mr. Moseby, who calls himself "The Meanager"... which apparently is his nickname among the staff, much to his confusion. "What nickname?"
- In "The Ghost of 613", Cody jumps into Maddie's arms a la Scooby-Doo... then he tries it again and she doesn't catch him, and he falls to the floor.
- This scene from "Moseby's Big Brother:"
Spencer: Oh, and since I'm apologizing, I'm sorry I shaved "dork" in your hair when you were five.
Moseby: You said that was the hair gremlin!
Spencer: I lied.
Moseby: WHAT?! (gets up) PEOPLE CALLED ME "DORK HAIR" FOR YEARS!
Spencer: Don't be mad just because Mom liked me best.
Moseby: Oh-ho-ho, she did not. You know the reason why she treated you better.
Spencer: Don't go there.
Moseby: Oh yeah.
Spencer: Don't go there!
Moseby: Yeah, because you were lactose intolerant!
Moseby: (laughs, then mocks him in a singsong voice) Who's afraid of cheese, who's afraid of cheese?
- And the fight that ensues afterwards, which continues during this part:
Cody: It's been thirteen years in the making and I don't want us to end up like Mr. Moseby and his brother! (Cody and Zack both turn and watch as Moseby runs by with Spencer on his back giving him a noogie)
Moseby: Burning, burning, burning, burning! (runs out of view)
Zack: If we do, can I be Spencer? He's rich, he gets all the babes, and he's winning. (both turn and watch as Moseby comes back into view)
Moseby: Get off my back! (flings Spencer off of him, but Spencer crawls back and bites him on the ankle, making Moseby scream in pain) My foot! Ow! (limps off)
Cody: This is what I mean! I don't want to keep everything bottled up inside for thirty years and then wind up hating you!
Zack: You'd hate me?
Cody: Eventually. (both turn and watch as Moseby walks by with Spencer clinging to his leg like a toddler)
- A bit of relevant information for this episode- Spencer (Moseby's big brother) is played by a vertically challenged person.
- From when Moseby is upset with the boys for losing an important Japanese entertainer
- In the same scene, in a moment out of a Tex Avery cartoon, Mr. Moseby is so frustrated with the boys that he screams into a pot on the stove, then closes the lid. When Mr. Moseby leaves, Zack goes over to the pot and lifts up the lid. Cue Moseby's scream emerging from the pot and Zack quickly putting the lid back!
- From the episode "Twins at the Tipton":
(After knocking over a bulletin board set with plastic letters) Ohh. I landed on my A
- Carey attempts to disguise her presence on Zack's date by pretending to be a "singing chef" whenever his date comes back. The second time this happens:
Carey (singing): I recommend the crème brûl-ée!
Sarcastic Waiter (also singing): I recommend you go a-way!
- Carey is asked out by a barbershop quartet, so Zack and Cody convince her to go so she doesn't figure out what they're doing. Before she leaves this gem is given
Mellow Notes: (singing) We, promise this date will really be tops.
Carey: (also singing) If I'm not back by 10 call the cops.
- During the Christmas episode, Mr. Moseby tells Arwin to use an old furnace to heat the hotel and fuel it with old furniture. He walks off, utterly delighted and singing loudly about burning chairs. Later, he tries to take a chainsaw to Moseby's desk.
Moseby: Not the front desk!
Arwin: But it's so big and wooden!
- In "Graduation", Kurt comes over and gives Zack his electric guitar as a graduation gift.
Kurt: It comes with an amplifier.
- At the beginning of "Grounded On The 23rd Floor", we get this gem, shortly after Zack made a bellhop drop sack of golf clubs while skating in the lobby:
Moseby: What is going on? If it's not one thing, it's-
Fat guy trips on golf clubs and falls on Moseby
Carey: Mr. Moseby! Are you okay?
Moseby: Here at the Tipton, it's the guests that matter, not the manager.
- This exchange:
Zack: ...This is the most boring hotel in the history of boring hotels!
Cody: (points toward a bunch of attractive girls walking in) Oh, Zack...
Zack: I love this hotel!
- In "The Suite Life Sets Sail," when a woman sees Bailey dressed in drag coming out of the girl's bathroom, Bailey responds with this:
- In "Sea Monster Mash," after Bailey tells London she can't do her project with her since she's already doing it with Cody:
London: (gasps) How could you? Roommates are supposed to help each other!
Bailey: And what exactly have you done to help me? (London starts to speak, but is cut off by Bailey) Besides letting me room with you...which everyone else made you do...
London: (scoffs) Well I...then I...Look. I don't do things for people. And I need you to be okay with that.
- Galapagos Gertie's mating call.
- Bailey apparently once wrote a play featuring all the mice in her barn. It went well, until her cat ate the star.
- This quote from London:
London: Zack! You'd better have a good explanation for ditching the group, otherwise the next time your mother calls, she'll hear, "Zack Martin? Sorry, we've never heard of him." Yeah. I can make that happen. (cackles evilly)
- When Bailey and Cody discover that all their "evidence" of Galapagos Gertie was actually just Zack messing with them:
(Bailey laughs) Cody:
What are you laughing at?! Bailey:
Come on, lighten up, Cody. It's funny. Cody:
Well excuse me if I don't laugh because my brother has ruined
my life's work! Bailey:
You've been working on this since Tuesday. It'd be your life's work if you were a fruit fly. Cody:
You've been against me from the start! Bailey:
No, I have not! You let your emotions get in the way of your scientific detachment! Cody: (crying)
NO ONE IS MORE EMOTIONALLY DETACHED THAN I AM!
- Boat Cops. That is all.
- "Starship Tipton": the entire episode, but especially this exchange:
Zack: Now let's go kick some alien butt! ...Assuming they have butts.
Cody: Zack, do not let your emotions control you. We must approach this conflict logically.
Zack: (makes a "what are you on" face)
Cody's Log: Galatic time, 43.8 Cronos. In two Earth minutes, we will be crossing into Anterian Space. Luckily, I have extensive knowledge in both astro-physics and space telemetry.
Hurry up dipstick, we're down to one minute!
- Even better a little later (first part paraphrased):
Cody's Log: Perhaps the Anterians have chosen not to pursue war- *ship gets rocked by an energy blast* Ahhhh! Great Gas Giant! We're all gonna die!
- From "I Brake for Whales":
Marcus: Oh no! Now instead of recording whale sounds for my new single, I'll be recording 'Help me, there's a propellor stuck in my eye!'
- There's one in "Breakup in Paris" where Zack and Woody attempt to blend in with the French people to escape a pursuer. And by 'attempting to blend in' we mean they muttered in gravelly tones OHOHOHOHOHO FRERE JACQUES OUI OUI OUI.
- Also from the movie we get this while Zack and Woody are skydiving while Stephanie is after them.
Zack: (Stephanie throws 2 shoes at them) Well, at least he ran out of shoes (A lot of shoes fall on them) What the heck?!
- And while Cody and Bailey are fighting
Cody: If the shoe fits (All those shoes fall on him) What the heck!?
- And from the episode where Cody goes to Antarctica and Arturo Vitalli comes to the S.S. Tipton, we get this explaining why London needs Arturo Vitalli's clothes.
London: I grew up with a father who was never around with 14 (phone dings) 15 stepmoms.
- The entirety of the fairy tale parody episode.
- From "The Play's The Thing":
Zack: Aw, you will. You just need some...fresh meat! (walks and speaks like a zombie)
Cody: You're an idiot.
London: (comes out from behind the curtain wearing a costume of the moon) Ooh, ooh! Shiny shiny shiny!
- YOU WERE RIGHT! I'M IN LOVE WITH A FISH!
- At the end of "Prom Night", Moseby admits to Zack that he had a great time and overreacted to the whole prank thing, and then pulls the same prank on him!
- Earlier in that episode, Cody is trying to teach Woody how to kiss, since Woody has never kissed a girl and is worried about kissing Addison at prom. To demonstrate, he uses a ham, and shows Woody how to sweet-talk it before kissing it. While he demonstrates how to kiss by kissing the ham, Zack walks into the room, stares at Cody kissing the ham, and then walks right back out of the room.
- From "In the Line of Duty", Cody and Bailey are so busy that they don't have time to see each other except... after curfew.
Cody: Then we'll just have to meet... after curfew.
Bailey: *gasps* But curfew is... curfew.
Bailey: (seductively) You're like a wild mustang. No electric fence can corral you!
Cody: Yep! (growls) Or actually, (whinnies).
Oh Cody, I love your new bad-boy
London: Don't worry, you're my roommate, so this is just a formality. (sits down at desk) Name?
Bailey: The bed next to yours?
London: Do you have a criminal record?
Bailey: (irritated) Not yet...
- From "Graduation on Deck":
Carey: You've always been smart. Ever since you were born and you cut your own umbilical cord.
Cody: I had to. Zack wrapped it around my neck.
- "Goodbye, seniors, goodbye class, high school you can-"
- "THEY'RE TAKING APART THE STUPID SEA SCHOOL, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYyaayy...uh..."
- The fact that Bailey and Cody both point out the same mistake Miss Tutweiller made in the Latin on their diplomas.
- From the episode Show and Tell: "His badge is a cookie!"
- Through a series of events, Zack, Cody and their mother end up being forced to taste test terrible sodas. When they're let go, Carey, blindfolded, grabs two ninjas (there to stop them from escaping) and starts to walk towards the door.
Japanese Businessman: Those aren't your sons.
Carey: Oh I know.
- Zack's response to an old woman who would repeatedly show up in various episodes to hit someone with her purse.
- In one episode, the students are all arguing among each other, so Miss Tutweiller tries to get their attention. However, instead of whistling, because she doesn't know how to whistle, she shouts, "Whistle! Whistle! Whistle!"
- This exchange in "Beauty and the Fleeced":
Bailey: Pageants are about more than beauty. You could win scholarships. Plus they judge you on talent, poise, personality...
Cody: Oh, I know. I've been in a beauty pageant before.
Bailey: You mean, like for men?
Cody: Yeeeeaaa...no. (Bailey gives him a weirded out look) Hey, don't judge me! When I met you, you were a dude!
- This exchange in "Senior Ditch Day" after Cody and Bailey tell each other that they're totally going to ditch school for ditch day:
Zack: Ooh, look out! Teacher's pets are going rogue!
Woody: What are you going to do, run up and down the hallways without a pass?
Zack: While holding scissors? (both he and Woody laugh and walk away)
Bailey: That is so incredibly dangerous!
Cody: Yeah, they shouldn't even joke about that.
- And then, Bailey and Cody actually attend school during ditch day anyway, and force Miss Tutweiller to actually have class.
Cody and Bailey: (after Miss Tuttweiler walks in, dressed in a bathrobe) Good morning, Miss Tutweiller!
Miss Tutweiller: (drops her romance novel in surprise) What are you two doing here?
Cody: Waiting for you.
Bailey: You're late.
Cody: Why're you dressed that way?
Miss Tutweiller: Well, I was going to go to the pool. It's Senior Ditch Day, remember?
Cody: It's not senior citizens ditch day. (Miss Tutweiller laughs sarcastically) Miss Tutweiller, I have maintained a perfect school attendance since my first day of kindergarten.
Bailey: (shoves Cody behind her) Mine's perfect since preschool.
Cody: (shoves Bailey behind him) I skipped preschool. They didn't think I needed it.
Bailey: That helps explain the whole blankie obsession!
Cody: It's not an obsession! You've always been jealous of my affection for Blankie!
Bailey: I just think it's weird that a seventeen year old man—
Cody: (talking over Bailey) You know, Blankie always cuddles me and never says—
Miss Tutweiller: Okay, stop stop stop STOP! Look. How 'bout I mark you both present for the day and nobody gets hurt?
Cody: But we'll get hurt. We'll have lost a whole day of learning.
Bailey: It's your responsibility as our teacher to actually teach us something.
Miss Tutweiler: I had a credential from a community college, I didn't take an oath. (Cody and Bailey stare at her, disapprovingly) Oh, all right! (sits at her desk) Ugh, take out your—nnneh—history books and turn to chapter—pff—seventeen. (starts reading her romance novel)
Bailey: (raises her hand) Ehem.
Miss Tutweiller: Bailey?
Bailey: (innocently) Weren't you going to take attendance?
Miss Tutweiller: (sets her romance novel aside and picks up attendance sheet)
Abernathy? (No response. Bailey looks around the room.) Bueller? (Bailey and Cody glance around the empty room) Bueller?
- All of Miss Tutweiller's romance novel scenes.
Voiceover!Tutweiller: Magnolia stood terrified on the deck as the swarthy pirate leapt over the ship's railing. (Tutweiller accidentally bites a pencil instead of the liquorice while reading the book and rubs her mouth in confusion. The scene changes to a pirate's boat)
Emma!Magnolia: (in a Southern accent, dressed in a wedding dress, wearing handcuffs) Captain Hawke, I assure you, my family will pay whatever ransom you desire for my safe return!
Captain Hawke: I'm sure they will, my little princess. But for now, (grabs Magnolia) you're mine!
Magnolia: Never! My father has promised me to another man!
Hawke: (swoops Magnolia into a dip) Can that man hold you like this? (Magnolia gasps) And caress you like this? (starts stroking her face and shoulder)
Magnolia: Ooh, yeah, that works!
Hawke: And kiss you like this? (leans towards Magnolia)
Magnolia: Come to Mama!
Bailey: (voiceover) Miss Tutweiller! (Magnolia and Hawke stare at the camera, annoyed) Miss Tutweiller!
- The fact that the romance novel ends with Magnolia getting dumped.
Tutweiller: The only romance novel in history where the heroine gets dumped! (slams book on her other hand) Why would my mother send me this?
- Miss Tutweiler attempting to teach Cody and Bailey how to have actual fun.
Miss Tutweiler: Look, not everything is about school and grades and studying!
(Bailey and Cody stare at her in disbelief)
Cody: Exactly where did you get your teaching credentials?
Miss Tutweiler: The University of None-Of-Your-Business!
Bailey: I bet she barely got in. (rolls her eyes)
Cody: Mmm. (smirks and nods)
- Miss Tutweiler proceeds to give them an assignment to have fun as an attempt to show them that life is about more than grades and school. Cody and Bailey, of course, miss the point of her "assignment" completely.
(Bailey interrupts Miss Tutweiller's romance novel Fantasy Sequence. Again.) Miss Tutweiller: (whiny)
What?! Bailey: (grinning)
Get to the good part yet? (sits in hot tub with Tutweiller and accidentally splashes her book)
Oh, sorry. Wanna borrow my book? I'm reading Quadratic Degeneracies in Fractional Equations. Tutweiller:
No thanks, I'll just wait for the movie to come out. Cody: (walks up to hot tub with a Modesty Towel on)
Ladies? Having fun? Bailey:
Absolutely! Tutweiler: (at the same time)
Please drown me. Cody: (dips toe in tub)
Ooh, this is relaxing. Bailey:
Jump in, Cody. Unless, you know, you don't want to have fun!
I'm having grade A (turns to look at Tutweiller)
fun. (winks at Tutweiler)
- "Well, what's more fun than bathing with a bunch of filthy strangers like part of some human beef stew?"
- (stares at a kid crazily) "You think I'm nuts? YOU'RE NUTS!"
- Miss Tutweiler drags the nerdy duo to a laser tag game. Neither of them think that it would be very fun at first, with Bailey complaining that it perpetuates the mindless violence that is so prevalent in society, and Cody saying that lasers are a lot more fun in a controlled lab setting, especially when exciting an electron particle. (Bailey: "That's the only thing he's ever excited.") After the game, Bailey and Cody agree that that was fun...for different reasons than Miss Tutweiler wanted:
Bailey: This laser tag thing is pretty fun!
Cody: I know! Now did you get your hits by correlating the velocity of the laser with the momentum of the target?
Bailey: Of course! While factoring in the dimensions of the room and the movement of the ship.
Cody: Oh, I forgot about the movement of the ship! (slaps his forehead)
Bailey: You know what I want to do now?
(Cody and Bailey look at each other coyly)
Cody: Write a paper about this?
Bailey: Exactly! (Miss Tutweiller sighs and facepalms)
London: Valentina totally dissed me! She was snobby, insulting, and treated me like dirt!
Zack: Oh. So, kinda the way you treat other people?
- "Moseby, that was amazing! A little girly, but AMAZING!"
- In "Roomies," Mr. Moseby wonders why he ever got rid of his old recliner. He sits on it, and the recliner starts to move up and down spastically.
Marcus: I'm guessing that's the reason.
- This exchange:
You know what, I don't wanna share [my room]! I earned that room! London:
No, you didn't! You just somehow convinced Moseby that Bailey was a girl so I got stuck with the stupid roommate. Bailey: I'm
stupid? This from a girl who got trapped on a stalled escalator. (mocking London)
"Help, the magic stairs are broken!" London:
Hey! It was a terrifying forty-eight hours
- Zack, Marcus, and Woody riding tricycles and knocking over a deceased person's ashes during his funeral.
- And then, later, when Zack, Marcus, Woody, London, Bailey, and Cody are playing basketball, the people at the funeral are trying to scoop up the ashes, but then Bailey knocks the basketball out of Cody's hands and at the dustpan, scattering the ashes again.
- "Look, Marcus, I know that Zack has some faults...a lot of faults...more than there are stars in the heavens...on a crystal clear night...from the highest point!"
- This exchange from "Rock the Kasbah":
London: Why should I get something for Moseby? I mean, what has he ever done for me?
Raised you like you were his own daughter?
Look at me. I'm selfish and spoiled. He did a terrible job. (Beat)
Fine. But tomorrow I'm gonna be extra selfish!
- When Marcus, Woody, and London are determining who gets the last wish of the lamp:
Marcus: Since we all paid for the lamp equally, the last wish should be something we all need.
Bailey: 40 IQ points?
- Cody's and Bailey's trash-talk at London after seeing that she brought a small pail and shovel to dig at an archaeological dig site:
London: I didn't do the reading, but I'm ~prepaaaared~! I brought my old pail and shovel!
Cody: Haha, wow, what do you use for a microscope, something so old it was designed by Antonie van Leeuwenhoek? (Both he and Bailey laugh)
Bailey: (high fives Cody) Good one! (at London) Ouch.
Marcus: You know, I've heard better trash-talk from mimes.
- In "Seven Seas News", the students don't know what their assignments are, so they go to Miss Tutweiller, who is reclining in a hot tub, triggering this exchange: