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The Suite Life of Zack & Cody:

  • The most famous episode in the entire series is probably "Cody Goes to Camp". First, Moseby teaches London to drive, and the Fun with Acronyms that results from her calling the Gearshift a "PRNDL" (pronounced "prindle").
    Moseby: Oh! I'm sorry! Why don't we just relax! We'll turn on the radio! Would you like "AM" or "FM?"
    • Note that he actually pronounced them - "Ahm" and "Fhm".
      • To add to that:
      Mr. Moseby: Is the car running?
      London: For over an hour now.
      Mr. Moseby: That's because you had to do your make up! Twice.
      London: Well excuse me for trying to beautify the highway.
    • Also:
      Carey: Hurry up, Cody! You don't want to miss your bus!
      Zack: Yeah, you don't want to miss a bus full of nerds going (mock chant) "two, four, six, eight, why can't we get a date?"
    • And right near the beginning of it all:
      Mr. Moseby: Have you buckled your seatbelt?
      London: I was going to, but this outfit just wrinkles so easily, so I thought-
      Mr. Moseby: Just do it.
      London: ...but my outfi-
    • This Ironic Echo Cut when Zach thinks Cody has become a nervous wreck at Math Camp:
      London: You're making me a nervous wreck!
      Mr. Moseby: I'm trying to keep us from having a wreck!
      London: We're not even moving!
      (Mr. Moseby puts up his hands as if he was saying "I give up.")
    • The end of the scene. As Carey reassures Zack that they're in more danger in the city than Cody is in the country, London drives her car backwards into the ballroom as Mosbey is heard shouting to go forward and not in reverse. Mother and son look on at the wreckage, Moseby gives London a Death Glare, London looks back with a face that quite plainly says "Oops" and Muriel appears and proclaims "I am not cleaning that up".
  • In "Hotel Hangout", Esteban swings off of the chandelier, while Moseby tries to keep him from knocking over the vase.
    Moseby: (while chasing Esteban) OH! Oh wait—! For the love of—! God, no! Oh, heavens! Watch the vase! Oh, watch the ladder! Oh, watch out for the guests! OHH! FOR CRYING IN THE—!
    Esteban: (unintelligible screaming)
    Moseby: (to the other guests) Everything's fine! Go have a bite at the bar!
    Moseby: OH! WATCH THE VASE! DON'T—! The vase—!
    (Esteban lets go of the chandelier and lands on Moseby.)
    Moseby: AHHH!
    Esteban: (gets up) I'm Okay!
    • Fridge-Funny: Imagine the reaction of some of the guests booking a room at The Tipton and the first thing they see when they walk in is a hotel manager trying to reign in a bellhop swinging from the chandelier.
    • The final episode has Arwin swing off of the same chandelier.
      Cody: (to Moseby) Okay, we'll stay out of your way. But it'd be nice if you had a little faith in us every once in a while. (walks into the ladder Arwin was standing on, causing him to fall)
      Arwin: (while holding onto the chandelier) Oh! Oh, here we go! (swings back and forth while everyone in the room screams or watches on in horror)
      Moseby: Watch the vase! Not the vase! Don't touch the vase!
      Moseby: NO ARWIN!
      Arwin: Hold on! I'll get it for you! (proceeds to grab the vase with his feet and give it to Moseby) Here you go!
      Moseby: NO! ARWIN, DON'T! (barely manages to catch it)
      (Arwin jumps off of the chandelier and bows. Maddie applauds at his performance.)
      Cody: (to Moseby) See? No one got hurt.
  • In "Cookin' with Romeo and Juliet":
    London: Maddie, that Romeo and Juliet book has a happy ending, right?
    (beat)
    Maddie: Yeah!
    (London leaves as Maddie walks away, shaking her head and mouthing no)
    • The pie fight scene. Freaking hilarious.
    • "Happy Hanukkah, London."
      Maddie: London, you're not Jewish.
      London: And what, miss out on eight days of presents? Not this shiksa!
  • "Smart and Smarterer." While the main plot is controversial due to Zack pretending to have dyslexia, two of the subplots are amusing to watch.
    • Subplot 1: Moseby ends up getting laryngitis, leading everyone to misinterpret what he's really trying to say.
      Moseby: (hoarse voice; to the twins) This hotel is not your personal playground. Now since you two have arrived (coughs) in my hotel, you have been (coughs again) nothing but (and again) nothing but... (and coughs one last time. Tries to say something but then realizes he can't talk)
      Zack: A delight?
      Cody: A bundle of youthful energy whose spirit has spread life into this nostalgic, old place?
      Zack: And to say "thank you", you want to reward us with free sundaes?!
      Cody: Thanks, Mr. Moseby! You're the best!

      ...

      Maddie: Oh, hey Mr. Moseby. How ya doin'?
      (Moseby points to his throat.)
      London: (gasps) Ooh, I love charades!
      Maddie: Oh, oh, oh! (sees Moseby writing something) A novel! Uhh...
      London: A love letter!
      Esteban: A parking ticket!
      London: Oh, I know! Boots!
      (Beat)
      Maddie: How did you get that from parking ticket?
      All three: (Moseby points to his eye) I... (Moseby gestures to his knee) need... (then he holds up two fingers) to... (Moseby makes a gesture that looks like dancing) DANCE!!!
      (All three start to sway side to side, much to his frustration. Then he tries another gesture, only for them to copy it as a dance too. Then he starts stomping his feet, causing the three to do "The Running Man". Moseby throws his hands in the air and slaps Esteban on the head.)
      • Esteban imitating Moseby when the former is late... again.
        Esteban: I am so sorry Mr. Moseby but... (Moseby wags his finger) You're right. (stands right beside; as Moseby) Oh, no excuses, Esteban. This has happened too many times. I'm afraid I have no choice but to fire you. (as himself) Oh, please Mr. Moseby. Don't fire me! I need this job! (as Moseby) Oh, very welllll. You can have your job back. (as himself) Maybe I don't want it back. Maybe I'll go somewhere with a little more jump security. (as Moseby; wags finger) Oh, pit-tit-tit-tit-tit-tit-tit-tit! No, Esteban! Don't leave! I need you. Oh, alright. You can have a raise. (Moseby's eyes go wide and tries to tell Esteban that he doesn't get to have a raise; as himself) I accept! You're a great man! (as Moseby) OH PISH POOOSSSHHH!!!
    • Subplot 2: Maddie is looking for a partner to play chess and ultimately ends up with London. After one round, London manages to land a checkmate on Maddie, much to her denial and disbelief.
      London: Now Mr. Pointyhead [bishop] is staring right at your kingy-thingy.
      Maddie: (stunned) That's checkmate.
      London: Is that good?
      Maddie: (in utter disbelief) No. Not for me. That means you beat me. You can't beat me!
      London: Why not?
      Maddie: I refuse to be beaten by someone who calls the bishop "Mr. Pointyhead"!
      London: Which one's the bishop?
      Maddie: Mr. Pointyhead!
      London: See? It's catching on!
  • Maddie's school is about to play volleyball against another school.
    Nun: Now, girls, before we pound these losers into the ground, let us pray. Dear Lord, please let us pound these losers into the ground.
  • The entire Maddie vs London lobby fight.
    • The "b-plot" has Cody trying to give "inspirational" advice to others to improve their lives. He convinces Esteban to attend an English class to lose his accent. Esteban then reveals that because his instructor is from Texas, he now talks like a cowboy. He also got Carrie to spend $500 on a voice coach...who suggested she was best suited for a career as a hotel singer. To top it all off, Zack is going to get an award from the mayor for donating food and clothing to a homeless shelter, which Cody was too busy to do.
      Moseby: Well, you might be the first motivational speaker in history to lose his allowance.
  • When London is mugged in "French 101":
    London: You can't have this purse! It doesn't match your outfit!
    (Mugger does a double-take)
  • In "The Arwin That Came to Dinner," when Lance broke up with London:
    Lance: I hope we can still be friends.
    (London throws a vase at his head. He ducks and the vase shatters against the door.)
    Lance: Maybe not close friends.
  • When the nuns give London and Maddie a fake baby to take care of:
    Nun: If you don't take care of it, I shall know.
    London: You mean...? (points up at the sky, terrified)
    Nun: No, dear, it has a voice recorder in the back.
  • The twins find an old videotape that shows their mother giving birth to them and later reveals that she used to get them mixed up. They call her out on this:
    Cody: Any other secrets from us, mom? If that is your real name.
    Carey: I am your mother. Do I need to show you the beginning of the tape again?
    Both Boys: NO!
  • The twins are trying to help Arwin win a hotel engineer competition. The advice they give him is to think of a happy place so there's less pressure. We get this exchange (or something along the lines of it):
    Cody: The race is going to start soon Arwin. Got your happy place?
    Arwin: Well at first it was me and mother on a lovely tropical cruise. But then a storm hit and the waves were huge and then her wheel chair rolled off the side and I yelled 'Mother! Throw me the house keys!'
    Zack: Okaayyy. How 'bout thinking about a nice cookie?
  • This exchange:
    Mom: Okay...what do you say I keep this job and get you a babysitter?
    Zack: Babysitter?!
    Cody: W-w-w-wait! You just said we were little men!
    Mom: Okay, a little-men-sitter.
  • From "The Suite Smell of Excess", when the boys wind up in a parallel universe...
    Female!Esteban: (enters) Maid service!
    Zack: That would be a yes!
  • In "Forever Plaid", Moseby tells London that her father transferred her to a private school. The name? Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow:
    Maddie: That's funny. My school has the same name! What are the odds?!
    (Maddie starts laughing. As she continues, Moseby gives her a look. Realizing that London will be transferred to her school, her laughter turns into sobbing)
    London: You mean I have to wear... (picks up Maddie) PLAID?! Three days a week?!
    Moseby: School is five days a week.
    London: This just gets worse and worse.
    (Now, Maddie and London are both sobbing)
    Moseby: Glad to see you're bonding.
  • In a subplot of "Kept Man", Moseby gets annoyed by the baby doll's crying (London and Maddie's assignment is to take care of a baby doll). At some point in the episode, He starts whacking it on a chair...in front of a mother carrying her baby.
    Moseby: (to the mother) No, no, no, no! He's not a real baby! No, trust me! I love children! LET ME HOLD YOUR BABY!!!
  • From "Super Twins", the boys get superpowers, and so does Mr. Moseby, who calls himself "The Meanager"... which apparently is his nickname among the staff, much to his confusion. "What nickname?"
  • In "The Ghost of 613", Cody jumps into Maddie's arms a la Scooby-Doo... then he tries it again with London, but she doesn't catch him, and he falls to the floor.
  • This scene from "Moseby's Big Brother:"
    Spencer: Oh, and since I'm apologizing, I'm sorry I shaved "dork" in your hair when you were five.
    Moseby: You said that was the hair gremlin!
    Spencer: I Lied.
    Moseby: WHAT?! (gets up) PEOPLE CALLED ME "DORK HAIR" FOR YEARS! Including Mom.
    Spencer: Don't be mad just because Mom liked me best.
    Moseby: Oh-ho-ho, she did not. You know the reason why she treated you better.
    Spencer: Don't go there.
    Moseby: Oh yeah.
    Spencer: Don't go there!
    Moseby: Yeah, because you were lactose intolerant!
    Spencer: OOOOOHHHHH! YOU WENT THERE!
    Moseby: (laughs, then in a Mocking Sing-Song tone) Who's afraid of cheese? Who's afraid of cheese?
    • And the fight that ensues afterward, which continues during this part:
      Cody: It's been thirteen years in the making and I don't want us to end up like Mr. Moseby and his brother! (Cody and Zack both turn and watch as Moseby runs by with Spencer on his back giving him a noogie)
      Moseby: Burning, burning, burning, burning! (runs out of view)
      Zack: If we do, can I be Spencer? He's rich, he gets all the babes, and he's winning. (both turn and watch as Moseby comes back into view)
      Moseby: Get off my back! (flings Spencer off of him, but Spencer crawls back and bites him on the ankle, making Moseby scream in pain) My foot! Ow! (limps off)
      Zack: You'd hate me?
      Cody: Eventually. (both turn and watch as Moseby walks by with Spencer clinging to his leg like a toddler)
    • Just the fact that Spencer apologizes for “shaving dork” into Moseby’s hair. Either he shaved the word “dork” into his hair or he cut Moseby’s hair into a really unflattering style, that’s up to our imagination.
    • A bit of relevant information for this episode - Spencer (Moseby's big brother) is played by a vertically challenged person.
  • In "Risk it All", Moseby's mother is on the phone, asking when he'll get married.
    Moseby: For the millionth time, I will get married when I'm good and ready! (Beat) NO, I don't want to meet the woman who waxes your lip!
  • From when Moseby is upset with the boys for losing an important Japanese entertainer
    • In the same scene, in a moment out of a Tex Avery cartoon, Mr. Moseby is so frustrated with the boys that he screams into a pot on the stove, then closes the lid. When Mr. Moseby leaves, Zack goes over to the pot and lifts up the lid. Cue Moseby's scream emerging from the pot and Zack quickly putting the lid back!
  • From the episode "Twins at the Tipton":
    Moseby: (After knocking over a bulletin board set with plastic letters) Ohh. I landed on my A.
  • Carey attempts to disguise her presence on Maddie's date by pretending to be a "singing chef" whenever his date comes back. The second time this happens:
    Carey (singing): I recommend the crème brûl-ée!
    Patrick (also singing): I recommend you go a-way!
  • Carey is asked out by a barbershop quartet, so Zack and Cody convince her to go so she doesn't figure out what they're doing. Before she leaves, this gem is given:
    Mellow Notes: (singing) We, promise this date will really be tops.
    Carey: (also singing) If I'm not back by 10, call the cops.
  • During the Christmas episode, Mr. Moseby tells Arwin to use an old furnace to heat the hotel and fuel it with old furniture. He walks off, utterly delighted and singing loudly about burning chairs. Later, he tries to take a chainsaw to Moseby's desk.
    Arwin: (singing) SAW THE ARMS AND FLOORS AND DESKTOPS! FA-LA-LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA—
    Moseby: ARWIN!!!
    Arwin: What?!
    Moseby: Not the front desk!
    Arwin: But it's so big and wooden!
  • The entire "Employee of the Month" subplot in Nurse Zack.
    • Arwin apparently uses the pool towels as capes.
    • When Moseby dismisses everyone to their stations after announcing that the prize for employee of the month is an all-paid trip to a Tipton hotel anywhere in the world, Patrick yells "I'M GOING TO FIJI!!!".
    • Maddie gets the idea of using a cart to take any snacks to the guests. Moseby finds it impressive but...
      Moseby: Where you'd get the maid's cart?
      Maddie: Online.
    • "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII fixed it!"
      Moseby: What did you fix?
      Arwin: EVERYTHING!
      Arwin: Except that.
      • When Moseby decides to cancel the Employee of the Month, Arwin complains that he managed to fix everything. Cue yet another Offscreen Crash.
        Arwin: Except that.
    • Lance buys goldfish so that the guests can swim with them. He got that idea from another hotel who lets guests swim with dolphins. When he went to the pet store, apparently the store did have dolphins, they were sold out.
    • Moseby getting caked in the face by Patrick (albeit accidentally), when Esteban walks in, causing the doors to swing open (Arwin modified the doors, so it would open automatically), hitting his arm.
      • The conversation after:
      Patrick: (to Esteban) You did this on purpose! Saboteur!
      Esteban: Do not blame me! The devil door opened by itself!
      Arwin: Doors don't hurt people! People hurt people!
      Norman: Doors without doormen hurt people.
    • Patrick tells Moseby that he would never sabotage another employee...then proceeds to purposely stomp on Maddie's snacks.
    • Sometime later, Lance tries to practice mouth-to-mouth CPR on the staff so that in case anyone drowns, he'll be ready. First he tries to do it on London, and then Mr. Moseby, both of which aren't in water or drowning at the time.
      • Not to mention Norman, Esteban, Arwin and Patrick's reactions to Lance doing mouth-to-mouth on Moseby.
      • In the Japanese dub, Moseby is heard screaming as Lance does CPR on him.
    • Then the staff all try to sabotage each other:
      • Maddie lets 30 cats loose in Patrick's restaurant. It was Sushi Sunday.
      • Irene makes Maddie's snack cart fall apart.
      • Norman makes Arwin's blowtorch blow bubbles.
      • Arwin superglued the guest bags to the ground.
      • Patrick filled the pool with grape juice.
    • This:
      Female Client: (to the Tipton staff) Excuse me? EXCUSE ME!
      (All the staff stop arguing.)
      Female Client: I like to check in.
      (The staff continue arguing)
      Moseby: (to the female client) I will take care of you right away madam. (to the Tipton staff) And I WILL TAKE CARE OF ALL OF YOU LATER!!! (notices Lance covered in grape juice) I don't even want to know.
    • Moseby decides to end the "Employee of the Month" a week early because in the next three, they'll be driven out of business.
      • "You can't do that!" (Death Glare from Moseby) "O Great One."
      • Moseby decides that the Employee of the Month is...Carey Martin!
      Tipton Staff: WHAT?!
      (They all complain to Moseby about his decision.)
      Maddie: But she hasn't done anything! But she's been in bed sick all week!
      Moseby: Exactly. She's the only one of you who hasn't annoyed any of the guests. And more importantly, me. (to Carey) Carey?
      Carey: Huh?
      Moseby: You are Employee of the Month!
      Carey: (too sick to even care; holding a box of tissues) Can my prize be this box of tissues?
      Moseby: ...Yes!
      Carey: 'Kay.
    • Throughout the episode, London has been asking the staff for help, only to be turned down because they're working hard to be Employee of the Month, all to win a vacation. What did she need help with? She needed someone to keep her company during her shopping spree in Paris; which means if any of the staff stopped to listen, they would've gotten a vacation. Instead, they ended up working their butts off for nothing and they could've gotten a vacation from London, had they listened to her.
    • This:
      Cody: Just because a man cooks and cleans doesn't he can't be macho and tough. (drinks out of Carey's mug)
      Zack: Hey, you're drinking outta mom's sickie cup.
      (Cody notices what he's drinking, lets out a high-pitched scream and tries to get the germs off of his tongue)
      • What's even funnier is that Cody marked Carey's mug with a skull and crossbones symbol on it, indicating that no one but her is allowed to drink it so that no one can catch her illness. He immediately forgets this one minute later.
  • "Free Tippy"
    • Throughout the episode, Moseby arranges a banquet for a guest named Mrs. Delacourt, but his attempts at showing her hospitality at the hotel fall a little short due to the shenanigans happening.
      • This exchange:
      Moseby: (guiding Mrs. Delacourt to the hotel lobby) You will love our staff!
      Maddie: (to London; angrily) You self-centered, egotistical--
      Moseby: BACK TO THE KITCHEN! (hastily leads her away)
  • In "Graduation", Kurt comes over and gives Zack his electric guitar as a graduation gift.
    Kurt: It comes with an amplifier.
    Moseby: (high-pitched) Oh no.
  • At the beginning of "Grounded On The 23rd Floor", we get this gem, shortly after Zack made a bellhop drop sack of golf clubs while skating in the lobby:
    Moseby: What is going on? If it's not one thing, it's-
    Fat guy trips on golf clubs and falls on Moseby
    • Shortly afterwards:
    Carey: Mr. Moseby! Are you okay?
    Moseby: Here at the Tipton, it's the guests that matter, not the manager.
    Carey: (To the twins) Look what you guys did! You broke Mr. Moseby!
  • This exchange:
    Cody: (points toward a bunch of attractive girls walking in) Oh, Zack...
    Zack: I love this hotel!
  • "Lip Synchin' in the Rain" has the hotel put on a performance of High School Musical. London, who has absolutely no singing or dancing ability, lands the part of Sharpay, much to Maddie's disgust.
  • Esteban imploringly telling Maddie to stand up for herself, prompting the following dialogue:
    Moseby (off-screen): Esteban, I need you!
    Esteban: When I am good and ready!
    Moseby: What did you say?!
    Esteban: Now I am good and ready! [hurries off]
  • In "Summer of Our Discontent", Zack is sent to summer school to make up for failing his grade level. For once, he's the smart guy of the class, but none of his classmates appreciate it. He was the only one to get an A+ on his test while everyone else failed miserably. During the lunch period, they all surround him...
    Zack: (sees his classmates surround and glare at him) Uh... would you all like to share a peanut butter and banana sandwich? (Gilligan Cut to Zack hanging on a coat rack by the back of his underwear in a super wedgie) I'll take that as a no!
    • Cody is given the task to set up a date for the Paul Revere Minimart manager with London in order to get a part-time job. We get this exchange.
    Cody: Hi Mr. Moseby. Have you seen London? I need her to do a small favor for me.
    Moseby: London doing a favor? Ha! That's a good one!
    Cody: Oh it's nothing much. I just need her to go on a date with the manager of the Paul Rever Minimart. (Moseby immediately stifles laughter at the thought) ... so you've seen him?
    Moseby: "Seen him"? Ha! (Mimicking) "THE SAVINGS ARE COMING! THE SAVINGS ARE COMING!"
    • Then there was the exchange between Cody and London.
    Cody: (approaches London) Hey London. Could you do me a really small favor?
    London: (Beat) No.
    Cody: You don't even know what I was going to say!
    London: You were going to say that there's this guy who's totally obsessed with me because I'm the most amazing person in the world, and he just has to get a date with me.
    (Cody is shocked, and Moseby stifles a laugh nearby)
    (Moseby spit takes his coffee at the hilarity of it all)
  • 'The Suite Life Goes Hollywood' involves two writers deciding to create a TV show based on Zack and Cody's lives. The episode milks the meta-ness for all it's worth, but the true highlight is this;
    Writer #1: We sold a sitcom about twin boys living in a hotel and you're all in it!
    Moseby: We're going to be stars!
    Everybody: Hooray!!!
    Writer #2: No you're not. We'll hire actors to play you.
    Everybody: Aww...
    Writer #1: But you're all invited to Hollywood to be consultants on the show!
    Everybody: Hooray!!!
    Writer #2: But you'll have to pay your own way there.
    Everybody: Aww...
    London: We can all go in my private jet!
    Everybody: Hooray!!!
    London: But we're all out of salted nuts.
    Everybody: Aww...
    Moseby: I've had enough of this silliness. I'm out of here.
    Everybody: Hooray!!!
    • The actress chosen to play Carey parodies the Absurdly Youthful Mother trope prevalent in a lot of media - as she's only 22 but "I've played old before". And in the show itself they seem to have rewritten her to be a Granola Girl who tells Moseby to "release your chakras".
    • They give London a Gender Flip to a male called Madrid (played by Dante Basco!) to allow for a romance between her and Maddie.
      London: But I wouldn't date Maddie. She's not my type. She's poor!
      • But then when 'Madrid' makes a dig at Maddie's appearance, London Squees that he is a perfect fit to play her.
  • "Poor Little Rich Girl":
    • London reads the headline about Daddy going broke, and shrieks at the top of her voice. Cut to her coming out of the elevator still screaming at that same volume.
      • The way Muriel breaks the news is absolutely priceless.
      Cody: (gives back the dollar) You might want this back.
      London: Why?
      Muriel: (shows the article) 'CAUSE YOU'RE BROKE!!!
    • London also trying to make grilled cheese sandwiches for the twins. She puts cheese slices still in the plastic into a frying pan, sets off the smoke alarm and then declares them ready. The twins point out she might not only want to take off the plastic but also put them on bread.
    • Their advice on making cereal.
    London: Which comes first, the milk or the cereal?
    Zack: It doesn't matter. As long as you remember the bowl.
  • In a subplot of "Who's the Boss?", Lance wants to impress London's friends who happen to be rich, so he turns to Carey and Mr. Moseby for some tips on how to fit in.
    • First up are the interactions. When Lance has to pretend to talk to Carey, who's pretending to be an aristocrat, he laughs at how Carey pronounces his name (she pronounces his name as Launce as a way to make it sound fancy).
      Moseby: Okay. Goals that don't involve you becoming a COMIC BOOK CHARACTER!!!
    • Then Moseby decides to move on to culinary arts. To get Lance adjusted to the food that he'll be served, Moseby tells him what's on the menu which is pâtè de froie gras, followed by escargot and coq au vin in a Roquefort reduction. Having no clue what that stuff is, Lance turns to Carey for a translation. It's basically liver, snails and chicken with mold.
      Lance: I'll eat before I go.
      Carey: Good idea.
    • Lastly, we move on to wardrobe. To get Lance to fit in with the other aristocrats, he must dress the part. Because of the fact that he only has bathing suits, he borrowed a jacket from his brother, who happens to be overweight and works at a circus.
  • "Team Tipton:"

The Suite Life on Deck:

  • The very first episode has a terrified Moseby leaping off the ship in terror upon being told that Zack and Cody are enrolling in the sea school.
  • In "The Suite Life Sets Sail," when a woman sees Bailey dressed in drag coming out of the girl's bathroom, Bailey responds with this:
    Bailey: (in a deep voice) Don't worry, I put the seat down.
  • In “Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’, Moseby has both his arm and leg broken. Normally this would go into the Annoying Patient plot, but this is Averted. Moseby ends up getting annoyed by those who check on him.
    • First, London tries to make Moseby feel better by giving him an ice pop, reading a story and decorating his cast. Doesn’t sound so bad right? Well… London accidentally throws the ice pop into Moseby’s face while trying to do the old “here comes the airplane” feeding method, she only reads one page of a book for an entire half hour, and then uses a bedazzler gun to decorate his cast, much to his agony.
      • This exchange when London reaches page 2.
      Moseby: Okay, enough with “The Pokey Little Princess”.
      London: But you don’t know how it ends.
      Moseby: I barely know how it begins!
    • Then Zack arrives to try to cheer Moseby up by playing his favourite computer game, “Dragon Quest”. Then he tosses the sword controller to “Jango Darkblade”, except that Moseby can’t catch and judging by the noises he makes and his facial expression afterwards, the controller landed on his crotch.
      Zack: Ooh, That's Gotta Hurt.
    • Then Connie (who’s dressed as a clown) tries to cheer Moseby up by doing standard clown gags. When he asks about Captain Lunsford’s party, she switches the subject to her boyfriend breaking up with her.
      Moseby: Fill me in. What’s happening?
      Connie: Oh, it’s a total disaster.
      Moseby: (worried) Oh, I knew it. Did something with the preparations for Captain Lunsford’s party?
      Connie: Worse.
      Moseby: Oh.
      Moseby: Ugh. Okay, I’m sorry about that but that’s not—
      Connie: And I called my mom about it, and she that I can’t talk to her anymore because “I bring her down”.
      Connie: And my body’s breaking out into boils! (Walks up to Moseby and points to her nose) Do you see this red dot on my nose?! (Whispers) It’s not makeup.
      Moseby: Ugh.
      Connie: (on the verge of crying; pulls out a hanky scarf) You may be broken, but at least your heart is whole.
      (Connie starts sobbing, while Moseby watches on with an annoyed look on his face. Then she blows her nose on one of the hankies and tosses it on to Moseby.)
      Moseby: AHHH! Okay, alright, pull it together, Connie!
    • Lastly, Cody brings in coq au vin for Moseby. When he leaves, he accidentally spills the still-hot food onto Moseby, and then tries to pick the food up…with a fork.
      Cody: Probably should’ve used the spoon.
      • Cody trying to reassure Moseby to relax.
      Cody: Mr. Moseby, you just gotta relax.
      Moseby: Relax?! How can I?! Mr. Tipton specifically put me in charge of Captain Lunsford’s gift! And presently, my career rests in the BIG GLOVED HANDS OF CONNIE THE EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED CLOWN!!!
      Cody: Okay. Don’t worry. Zack and I will check on it. We’ll make sure Connie doesn’t screw it up. You can count on us.
      Moseby: ”Us”?
      Cody: And by “us”, I meant me.
  • In "Sea Monster Mash," after Bailey tells London she can't do her project with her since she's already doing it with Cody:
    London: (gasps) How could you? Roommates are supposed to help each other!
    Bailey: And what exactly have you done to help me? (London starts to speak, but is cut off by Bailey) Besides letting me room with you...which everyone else made you do...
    London: (scoffs) Well I...then I...Look. I don't do things for people. And I need you to be okay with that.
    • Galapagos Gertie's mating call.
    • Bailey apparently once wrote a play featuring all the mice in her barn. It went well, until her cat ate the star.
    • This quote from London:
    London: Zack! You'd better have a good explanation for ditching the group, otherwise the next time your mother calls, she'll hear, "Zack Martin? Sorry, we've never heard of him." Yeah. I can make that happen. (cackles evilly)
    • When Bailey and Cody discover that all their "evidence" of Galapagos Gertie was actually just Zack messing with them:
    (Bailey laughs)
    Cody: What are you laughing at?!
    Bailey: Come on, lighten up, Cody. It's funny.
    Cody: Well excuse me if I don't laugh because my brother has ruined my life's work!
    Bailey: You've been working on this since Tuesday. It'd be your life's work if you were a fruit fly.
    Cody: You've been against me from the start!
    Bailey: No, I have not! You let your emotions get in the way of your scientific detachment!
    Cody: (crying) NO ONE IS MORE EMOTIONALLY DETACHED THAN I AM!
  • Boat Cops. That is all.
  • "Kidney of the sea": while doing an intelligence test on the pets, Cody instructs them to play dead. Ivana rolls over like normal, Porkers sets up a plate and lies on it like he got roasted with an apple in his mouth.
  • "Starship Tipton": the entire episode, but especially this exchange:
    Zack: Now let's go kick some alien butt! ...Assuming they have butts.
    Cody: Zack, do not let your emotions control you. We must approach this conflict logically.
    Zack: (makes a "what are you talking about" face)
    • Also, this:
    Cody's Log: Galatic time, 43.8 Cronos. In two Earth minutes, we will be crossing into Anterian Space. Luckily, I have extensive knowledge in both astro-physics and space telemetry.
    Zack's Log: Hurry up dipstick, we're down to one minute!
    • Even better a little later (first part paraphrased):
    Cody's Log: Perhaps the Anterians have chosen not to pursue war- *ship gets rocked by an energy blast* Ahhhh! Great Gas Giant! We're all gonna die!
  • From "I Brake for Whales":
    Marcus: Oh no! Now instead of recording whale sounds for my new single, I'll be recording 'Help me, there's a propellor stuck in my eye!'
  • There's one in "Breakup in Paris" where Zack and Woody attempt to blend in with the French people to escape a pursuer. And by 'attempting to blend in' we mean they muttered in gravelly tones OHOHOHOHOHO FRERE JACQUES OUI OUI OUI.
  • While the boys are having a bachelor's party for Esteban in "Mother of the Groom", Moseby decides to do charades, with the topic being Broadway musicals. When no one else knows what musical Moseby is referring to, Esteban guesses Star Wars.
    Moseby: That's not even a musical! WHAT ON EARTH WOULD MAKE YOU GUESS "STAR WARS"?!
  • Also from the movie we get this while Zack and Woody are skydiving while Stephanie is after them.
    Zack: (Stephanie throws 2 shoes at them) Well, at least he ran out of shoes (A lot of shoes fall on them) What the heck?!
    • And while Cody and Bailey are fighting
    Cody: If the shoe fits (All those shoes fall on him) What the heck!?
  • And from the episode where Cody goes to Antarctica and Arturo Vitalli comes to the S.S. Tipton, we get this explaining why London needs Arturo Vitalli's clothes.
    London: I grew up with a father who was never around with 14 (phone dings) 15 stepmoms.
  • The entirety of "Once Upon a Suite Life".
  • From "The Play's The Thing":
    Zack: Aw, you will. You just need some...fresh meat! (walks and speaks like a zombie)
    Cody: You're an idiot.
    London: (comes out from behind the curtain wearing a costume of the moon) Ooh, ooh! Shiny shiny shiny!
  • YOU WERE RIGHT! I'M IN LOVE WITH A FISH!
  • At the end of "Prom Night", Moseby admits to Zack that he had a great time and overreacted to the whole prank thing, and then pulls the same prank on him!
    • Earlier in that episode, Cody is trying to teach Woody how to kiss, since Woody has never kissed a girl and is worried about kissing Addison at prom. To demonstrate, he uses a ham, and shows Woody how to sweet-talk it before kissing it. While he demonstrates how to kiss by kissing the ham, Zack walks into the room, stares at Cody kissing the ham, and then walks right back out of the room.
  • From "In the Line of Duty", Cody and Bailey are so busy that they don't have time to see each other except... after curfew.
    Cody: Then we'll just have to meet... after curfew.
    Bailey: *gasps* But curfew is... curfew.
    Cody: Curfew be darned!
    Bailey: (seductively) You're like a wild mustang. No electric fence can corral you!
    Cody: Yep! (growls) Or actually, (whinnies).
    Bailey: Oh Cody, I love your new bad-boy attitude.
    London: Don't worry, you're my roommate, so this is just a formality. (sits down at desk) Name?
    Bailey: London...
    London: Ooh, that's my name! Address?
    Bailey: The bed next to yours?
    London: Do you have a criminal record?
    Bailey: (irritated) Not yet...
  • From "Graduation on Deck":
    Carey: You've always been smart. Ever since you were born and you cut your own umbilical cord.
    Cody: I had to. Zack wrapped it around my neck.
    • "Goodbye, seniors, goodbye class, high school you can-"
    • "THEY'RE TAKING APART THE STUPID SEA SCHOOL! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYyaayy...uh..."
    • The fact that Bailey and Cody both point out the same mistake Miss Tutweiller made in the Latin on their diplomas.
  • From the episode Show and Tell: "His badge is a cookie!"
  • Through a series of events, Zack, Cody and their mother end up being forced to taste test terrible sodas. When they're let go, Carey, blindfolded, grabs two ninjas (there to stop them from escaping) and starts to walk towards the door.
    Mr. Hashimoto: Those aren't your sons.
    Carey: Oh I know.
  • Zack's response to an old woman who would repeatedly show up in various episodes to hit someone with her purse.
  • In one episode, the students are all arguing among each other, so Miss Tutweiller tries to get their attention. However, instead of whistling, because she doesn't know how to whistle, she shouts, "Whistle! Whistle! Whistle!"
  • This exchange in "Beauty and the Fleeced":
    Bailey: Pageants are about more than beauty. You could win scholarships. Plus they judge you on talent, poise, personality...
    Cody: Oh, I know. I've been in a beauty pageant before.
    Bailey: You mean, like for men?
    Cody: Yeeeeaaa...no. (Bailey gives him a weirded out look) Hey, don't judge me! When I met you, you were a dude!
  • This exchange in "Senior Ditch Day" after Cody and Bailey tell each other that they're totally going to ditch school for ditch day:
    Zack: Ooh, look out! Teacher's pets are going rogue!
    Woody: What are you going to do, run up and down the hallways without a pass?
    Zack: While holding scissors? (both he and Woody laugh and walk away)
    Cody: Ugh.
    Bailey: That is so incredibly dangerous!
    Cody: Yeah, they shouldn't even joke about that.
    • And then, Bailey and Cody actually attend school during ditch day anyway, and force Miss Tutweiller to actually have class.
      Cody and Bailey: (after Miss Tuttweiler walks in, dressed in a bathrobe) Good morning, Miss Tutweiller!
      Miss Tutweiller: (drops her romance novel in surprise) What are you two doing here?
      Cody: Waiting for you.
      Bailey: You're late.
      Cody: Why're you dressed that way?
      Miss Tutweiller: Well, I was going to go to the pool. It's Senior Ditch Day, remember?
      Cody: It's not senior citizens ditch day. (Miss Tutweiller laughs sarcastically) Miss Tutweiller, I have maintained a perfect school attendance since my first day of kindergarten.
      Bailey: (shoves Cody behind her) Mine's perfect since preschool.
      Cody: (shoves Bailey behind him) I skipped preschool. They didn't think I needed it.
      Bailey: That helps explain the whole blankie obsession!
      Cody: It's not an obsession! You've always been jealous of my affection for Blankie!
      Bailey: I just think it's weird that a seventeen year old man—
      Cody: (talking over Bailey) You know, Blankie always cuddles me and never says—
      Miss Tutweiller: Okay, stop stop stop STOP! Look. How 'bout I mark you both present for the day and nobody gets hurt?
      Cody: But we'll get hurt. We'll have lost a whole day of learning.
      Bailey: It's your responsibility as our teacher to actually teach us something.
      Miss Tutweiler: I had a credential from a community college, I didn't take an oath. (Cody and Bailey stare at her, disapprovingly) Oh, all right! (sits at her desk) Ugh, take out your—nnneh—history books and turn to chapter—pff—seventeen. (starts reading her romance novel)
      Bailey: (raises her hand) Ehem.
      Miss Tutweiller: Bailey?
      Bailey: (innocently) Weren't you going to take attendance?
      Miss Tutweiller: (sets her romance novel aside and picks up attendance sheet) Abernathy? (No response. Bailey looks around the room.) Bueller? (Bailey and Cody glance around the empty room) Bueller?
    • All of Miss Tutweiller's romance novel scenes.
      Voiceover!Tutweiller: Magnolia stood terrified on the deck as the swarthy pirate leapt over the ship's railing. (Tutweiller accidentally bites a pencil instead of the liquorice while reading the book and rubs her mouth in confusion. The scene changes to a pirate's boat)
      Emma!Magnolia: (in a Southern accent, dressed in a wedding dress, wearing handcuffs) Captain Hawke, I assure you, my family will pay whatever ransom you desire for my safe return!
      Captain Hawke: I'm sure they will, my little princess. But for now, (grabs Magnolia) you're mine!
      Magnolia: Never! My father has promised me to another man!
      Hawke: (swoops Magnolia into a dip) Can that man hold you like this? (Magnolia gasps) And caress you like this? (starts stroking her face and shoulder)
      Magnolia: Ooh, yeah, that works!
      Hawke: And kiss you like this? (leans towards Magnolia)
      Magnolia: Come to Mama!
      Bailey: (voiceover) Miss Tutweiller! (Magnolia and Hawke stare at the camera, annoyed) Miss Tutweiller!
      • The fact that the romance novel ends with Magnolia getting dumped.
    Tutweiller: The only romance novel in history where the heroine gets dumped! (slams book on her other hand) Why would my mother send me this?
    • Miss Tutweiler attempting to teach Cody and Bailey how to have actual fun.
      Miss Tutweiler: Look, not everything is about school and grades and studying!
      (Bailey and Cody stare at her in disbelief)
      Cody: Exactly where did you get your teaching credentials?
      Miss Tutweiler: The University of None-Of-Your-Business!
      Bailey: I bet she barely got in. (rolls her eyes)
      Cody: Mmm. (smirks and nods)
    • Miss Tutweiler proceeds to give them an assignment to have fun as an attempt to show them that life is about more than grades and school. Cody and Bailey, of course, miss the point of her "assignment" completely.
      (Bailey interrupts Miss Tutweiller's romance novel Fantasy Sequence. Again.)
      Miss Tutweiller: (whiny) What?!
      Bailey: (grinning) Get to the good part yet? (sits in hot tub with Tutweiller and accidentally splashes her book) Oh, sorry. Wanna borrow my book? I'm reading Quadratic Degeneracies in Fractional Equations.
      Tutweiller: No thanks, I'll just wait for the movie to come out.
      Cody: (walks up to hot tub with a Modesty Towel on) Ladies? Having fun?
      Bailey: Absolutely!
      Tutweiler: (at the same time) Please drown me.
      Cody: (dips toe in tub) Ooh, this is relaxing.
      Bailey: Jump in, Cody. Unless, you know, you don't want to have fun! I'm having grade A (turns to look at Tutweiller) fun. (winks at Tutweiler)
    • "Well, what's more fun than bathing with a bunch of filthy strangers like part of some human beef stew?"
      • (stares at a kid crazily) "You think I'm nuts? YOU'RE NUTS!"
    • Miss Tutweiler drags the nerdy duo to a laser tag game. Neither of them think that it would be very fun at first, with Bailey complaining that it perpetuates the mindless violence that is so prevalent in society, and Cody saying that lasers are a lot more fun in a controlled lab setting, especially when exciting an electron particle. (Bailey: "That's the only thing he's ever excited.") After the game, Bailey and Cody agree that that was fun...for different reasons than Miss Tutweiler wanted:
    Bailey: This laser tag thing is pretty fun!
    Cody: I know! Now did you get your hits by correlating the velocity of the laser with the momentum of the target?
    Bailey: Of course! While factoring in the dimensions of the room and the movement of the ship.
    Cody: Oh, I forgot about the movement of the ship! (slaps his forehead)
    Bailey: You know what I want to do now?
    (Cody and Bailey look at each other coyly)
    Cody: Write a paper about this?
    Bailey: Exactly! (Miss Tutweiller sighs and facepalms)
    London: Valentina totally dissed me! She was snobby, insulting, and treated me like dirt!
    Zack: Oh. So, kinda the way you treat other people?
    London: Exactly!
  • The episode "Snakes on a Boat" is essentially a 24 minute parody of the movie Snakes on a Plane, which culminates in Mr. Moseby saying the episode version of the movie’s (in)famous line.
    Moseby: THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE (ship's horn blows) SNAKES ON MY (ship's horn blows) BOAT!
    • After Moseby puts the snakes back in the cart by doing a ballet technique.
    London: Moseby, that was amazing! A little girly, but AMAZING!
  • In "Roomies," Mr. Moseby wonders why he ever got rid of his old recliner. He sits on it, and the recliner starts to move up and down spastically.
    Marcus: I'm guessing that's the reason.
    • This exchange:
      Zack: You know what, I don't wanna share [my room]! I earned that room!
      London: No, you didn't! You just somehow convinced Moseby that Bailey was a girl so I got stuck with the stupid roommate.
      Bailey: I'm stupid? This from a girl who got trapped on a stalled escalator. (mocking London) "Help, the magic stairs are broken!"
      London: Hey! It was a terrifying forty-eight hours!
    • Zack, Marcus, and Woody riding tricycles and knocking over a deceased person's ashes during his funeral.
      • And then, later, when Zack, Marcus, Woody, London, Bailey, and Cody are playing basketball, the people at the funeral are trying to scoop up the ashes, but then Bailey knocks the basketball out of Cody's hands and at the dustpan, scattering the ashes again.
    • "Look, Marcus, I know that Zack has some faults...a lot of faults...more than there are stars in the heavens...on a crystal clear night...from the highest point!"
  • The entirety of Cody's Stylistic Suck play in "Play's the Thing". To recap:
    • The whole play is based on Cody and Bailey's breakup.
    • Zack is playing the role of "Brody". Who is playing the role of Hailey? Cody.
    Zack: I knew this day would come, but I didn't expect it so soon.
    • Cody tells Zack to kiss him. Zack refuses, but Cody insists since it's in the script. Zack fakes the kiss by smooching his hand and then slapping Cody's cheek.
      • Followed by this:
    Zack (as "Brody"): We're going to be together forever and ever.
    Cody (as "Hailey"): (in a Southern accent) Of course we are my beloved! (in a raspy tone) Or so he thinks! For Paris is full of men. And I plan on shaking my "bonbons" at each and every one of them. (shakes his "bonbons" at the crowd)
    Bailey: Oh, I'm gonna kill him.
    London: Unless the audience beats you to it.
    • This scene:
      Woody (as "Pierre"): (in a Spanish accent) How hard would it be to find one woman in all of Paris?
      (As "Brody" looks through the binoculars, he sees "Hailey" making out with a mime.)
      Bailey: I did not lock lips with a mime! It was a painter and at most a lingering hug.
      • What's even funnier is that Zack silently freaks out at the sight of his brother pretending to make out with Addison (the mime).
    • During the breakup scene London's phone goes off and starts talking to her friend Chelsea. Cody had to make her hang up.
      Cody: Say "Goodnight Moon"!
      London: Goodnight Moon! (hangs up the phone)
      • The entire breakup scene:
    Cody (as "Hailey"): (in a Southern accent) Oh, Brody. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
    Zack (as "Brody"): (stilted tone) No. That's it. We're through.
    Zack (as "Brody"): (still in stilted tone) Watch out for that loose—
    Zack (as "Brody"): (still in stilted tone) ...Rail.
    • While Bailey's reaction to the end of Cody's play is a Tearjerker, the moment is juxtaposed by this:
    Woody: Well at least [Bailey] made it 'til the end. Most people ran off crying during the first scene.
    • The ending of the episode is a Downer Ending, but The Stinger of Zack's play makes it a lot more watchable: A guy deciding what sandwich to get, and Tuttweiler agrees to give him a D if he ends the play at that moment.
  • This exchange from "Rock the Kasbah":
    London: Why should I get something for Moseby? I mean, what has he ever done for me?
    Bailey: (Beat) Raised you like you were his own daughter?
    London: Look at me. I'm selfish and spoiled. He did a terrible job. (Beat) Fine. But tomorrow I'm gonna be extra selfish!
    • When Marcus, Woody, and London are determining who gets the last wish of the lamp:
    Marcus: Since we all paid for the lamp equally, the last wish should be something we all need.
    Bailey: 40 IQ points?
  • Cody's and Bailey's trash-talk at London after seeing that she brought a small pail and shovel to dig at an archaeological dig site:
    London: I didn't do the reading, but I'm ~prepaaaared~! I brought my old pail and shovel!
    Cody: Haha, wow, what do you use for a microscope, something so old it was designed by Antonie van Leeuwenhoek? (Both he and Bailey laugh)
    Bailey: (high fives Cody) Good one! (at London) Ouch.
    Marcus: You know, I've heard better trash-talk from mimes.
  • Later in the episode, Bailey is possessed and fighting for control of her body with an even spirit, who slaps her. She tries to slap back before realizing that she just slapped herself.
    Bailey: I cannot win here.
  • In "Seven Seas News", the students don't know what their assignments are, so they go to Miss Tutweiller, who is reclining in a hot tub, triggering this exchange:
  • During "It's All Greek To Me", the twins and Bailey disguise themselves as statues in the museum so they can sneak in and return the real amulet without being seen, but Tutweiller notices them:
    Miss Tutweiller: "Mr. Moseby? Do the faces on those statues look familiar to you?"
    Mr. Moseby: "... How old do you think I am?"
  • In a subplot of the episode "Twister: Part 2" a passenger named Mr. Everhart needed to rent out the ship's entire deck for a family reunion. Unfortunately, Mr. Moseby says the deck has been booked, which means Everhart has to break the news to his wife. Here's the thing: Mr. Everhart's wife is implied to be...um very obese, as seen by the characters' reactions to her and the fact that every time she appears, she's offscreen.
    Mr. Moseby: That's a woman?! (beat) I mean... That's a woman!
    • This exchange:
      Zack: Mr. Everhart. Today's your lucky day.
      Mr. Everhart: My wife fell overboard?
      Zack: (sees Mr. Everhart's wife) No. I think we would've heard the splash.

The Suite Life Movie:

  • This conversation:
    Dr. Spaulding: It would be a shame to see your talent go to waste.
    Cody: Sir, you don't know how much this means to me... just getting a second chance.
    Dr. Spaulding: The Gemini Project. About 50 miles from here. An isolated science camp. Doing research similar to ours... on twins.
    Cody: I'm a twin.
    Dr. Spaulding: Yes.
    Cody: A superior twin.
    Zack: *beaming* It's true. I'm proof!
    Dr. Spaulding: ...Yes you are.

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