Funny: The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest
This show obviously
shows clips of people failing at something, and those shows can really have some funny moments, whether it be the clips themselves or the commentators. The folders below have descriptions added.
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Brawlers (Here's a fight. Repeat 19 times. Roll credits. Repeat first three steps way too many times.)
- The whole animated parody of Danny Bonaduce's infamous transvestite hooker incident.
Danny: So I take off, I beat the cops to my house, I run upstairs and say, 'What'll I do, what'll I do? I know, I'll dive in the closet, and pull dirty clothes over me!'
- The entire "Nodding Turtles" clip, made all the more hilarious with the voice-over dub, having the turtles chant, "Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya!" as they nod at one another.
Chuck: They look like two black schoolgirls havin' a arguement!
- A clip some guys shot at a duck pond of a white duck and a black duck attacking each other.
Daniel Baldwin: It was only a matter of time before Donald and Daffy's professional relationship came to blows.
- Nick seems to be a little leery of the clip from the start:
Nick: You're runnin' through a park scarin' ducks? Why don't you try somethin', like, I don't know, maybe girls? Sports?
Competitions (Things you're better off not doing)
- Daniel Baldwin and John Enos running out into traffic while wearing sumo suits. Comedy gold.
- Chuck Nice giggling and clapping his hand, like a schoolchild, at a French Game show. A french game show that involved busty women in low cut tops crawling over a pipe.
- A clip from England of — a snail race.
- Judy offers up her alternative:
Judy: Okay, you can start the snail race, go out to dinner, see a movie, come back, and the snail's in the same fucking place as it was when it started.
- At one point, a pair of snails stop racing and start mating with each other.
Loni: Uh, those two don't look like they're racing, they look like they gettin' it on.
Mike T.: That's always fun when you have to explain things to your kids, like, "Why are the snails hurting each other, Daddy?" "Ugh, oh God, this is gonna be a long car ride home."
Criminals (Pretty much the main reason tru TV created this show)
- A couple of thieves steal a bait car.
Passenger: We own this city!
Driver: Where are we?
Passenger: I don't know.
- The entire clip involving a man attempting to shoplift a pack of razors from a grocery store.
- Nick, Jaime, and Mike T. on the man constantly eyeballing the security cameras:
Nick: Could he have made himself look even more suspicious?!
Jaime: You're not really paranoid if they're really watching you...
Mike T.: (As the shoplifter) Whaddya lookin' at me for? You keep lookin' at me, fine, I'm gonna keep lookin' at you, camera!
- Kevin on the man continuously pacing nervously throughout the store, and fumbling with his other (legit) purchases:
Kevin: This guy is either a shoplifter, or participating in the most emotionally conflicting razor purchase ever.
- Todd, playing the role of the man's conscience as he goes through checkout, pondering on going through with his shoplifting:
Todd as an angel: Now, now, you know you don't want to rob the store.
Todd as a devil: You don't know what you're talking about! Rob the place! Rob the place!
- Finally, Kevin's comments on the man being apprehended by security, and actually looks visibly distraught as he sits in the security office:
Kevin: This should have been an intervention; "Dude? Seriously? You are terrible at stealing stuff. You have to stop."
- Leif: Small penis alert! Small penis alert!
- Tonya: If it looks like a bunny, and it hops like a bunny, THEN IT MUST BE A BUNNY!!!
- Tom, in response to a clip of a herd of cattle that escaped from a rodeo and stampedes into a conveniece store:
Tom: Cows are good at being food, they're not very good at anything else.
- The entire "Slip and Fail," clip, including the commentary...
- An elderly lady and her caretaker are in a cosmetics aisle at a department store, the old lady finds spilled nail polish on the floor, and gets down, acting as if she had fallen, while her caretaker goes for help.
Kevin: Someone help! My friend is... uh... taking a nap!
- Afterwards, three store employees race to the lady's aid.
Danny: Those are the three fastest-moving people in all of Florida!
- Spectators start to gather around, including one woman scooting along in a motorized cart...
Ted: What's the woman in the motorized cart going to do for the woman on the floor? Gloat?
- ... who then gets up and walks over to the lady on the floor.
Mike T.: There's a lot of weird stuff goin' on in this aisle, you got healthy people falling down, people in carts rising to their feet, it's like the Bermuda Triangle over there!
- Paramedics arrive with a gurney and take the lady to the hospital, while she plans to sue the store, until insurance investigators check surveillence footage.
Jaime: (As lawyer) We've received your claim, and BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Daredevils (Like Criminals, but with pain instead of crime)
- Mike Trainor imitating a skateboarder checking on his groin after (in the skateboarder's own words) "blowing his nut":
Mike T.: (counting his testicles) One... and a half... OH, GOD!
- The entire "Ghost Bike" sequence from Daredevils 10.
- "What'd I tell you about testicles?!"
Mike T.: What conversation were you having about testicles? Was it related to this, or were you just talking about balls in general, like, 'Hey, you know what I like about balls?'
- Gary Busey proving to us why he's every inch a Cloud Cuckoolander:
Gary: The thing about Tigger—
Producer: (Correcting him) Trigger
Gary: is... Tigger believes in love... and he believes in Winnie the Pooh.
Drivers (The other main reason tru TV created this show)
- From "World's Dumbest Drivers":
: Hello, this is the, uh, fire department. We done crashed into the fire department, so can somebody send the Fire Department?
- Chuck Nice, on a man whose car was hit by a runaway truck tire:
Chuck: You don't know when you're riding down the street, when the Michelin Man just might show up and bitch slap you!
- Brad Loekle on a driver who failed to get away from police in his Yugo:
Brad: You'd have better luck driving a hot pocket down the road than a Yugo!
- Frank Stallone narrating a montage of numerous car accidents in Russia.
- A TV camera crew is driving on their way back from a report, and the men discuss which they would rather do without: their penises, or their balls.
Loni: Is this what guys talk about when they together?! Y'all nasty!!!
Michael: This makes me embarrassed to be a dude!
Hillbillies (Not Quite Dummies)
Holidays (Or, more specifically, the dumb things that happen on holidays)
- An officer pulls over a drunk driver, dressed in a crappy zombie costume for Halloween.
Officer: Are you bleeding?
Drunk: It's Halloween stuff.
Officer: Oh, Halloween stuff. What are you dressed as?
Drunk: A dead guy.
Officer: A gay guy, okay.
Drunk: No, a dead guy.
- In a clip of a family gathering at Christmastime, a grown man and his elderly mother try their hand - or rather, feet - at Dance Dance Revolution. When the son takes his turn, his mother (who apparently is better than him) starts mocking and taunting him. He actually shoves his mother down to the floor with one hand, and without even breaking away from the game.
Inventions (Technically, it's "World's Smartest Inventions", but we'll take it anyway)
- Jaime Andrews on "The Drib".
Jaime: "The Drib"? Well, I guess "Pig In A Blanket" was already taken.
- The Hypocritical Humor on Ace Power.
Mike T.: Man, that workout equipment sure looks stupid. Now, where was I? (starts using the Shake Weight)
- The "Man Bib" invention, meant to help guys, shall we say, cleanup. None of the commentators can believe it.
- Mike Britt, in response to an elderly gentleman's comments about Bowser Beer being made in America, and having U.S.D.A.-approved ingredients.
Mike B.:: We get it grandpa! Stars and stripes! Red, white, and blue! Got it! It's dog beer, dude!
- Mike Trainor, offering us his alternative to Flying Pasties (works especially well for Big Guys):
Mike T: Whenever I have to go through the scanner at the airport, I just tuck my junk in between my legs... does nothing for my security, but it gives them something to talk about.
- The casts' reactions to Squishy Baff, that turns your bath water into a squishy goo.
Kevin: "You can turn water into a squishy goo"? Do we have to?
Chuck: Squishy Baff! First of all, thank you for making me feel culturally comfortable about myself!
Gary: It's stupid to goo yourself from finding your own pleasure points. Need I say more? Need I say more?
- The Sip N Dip Cookie Dipper, that allows you to dunk your cookie into your milk, without spilling milk or messing your fingers; the inventor says it's for all your favorite cookies, but it's clearly created with small cookies like Oreos or girl scout cookies in mind. Jared Logan wants to dunk his favorite cookie - a black-and-white cookie - but sees it won't fit. He stares at the camera with a look of horror.
Kevin: Finally we're now to a point where our inventors are inventing problems to invent inventions for.
- Michael Loftus's reaction to an American-made invention that allows you to slip your hand into a small cubical pillow thing to let you rest your head for a quick nap.
Michael: I remember when we used to do cool shit like go to the moon, and now we're like, "We made a block of foam! And put cover on it!! U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!"
- My Best Friend's Fork, a special fork invented by a woman named Val Arnold, who likes to feed her dogs from a fork; the BFF is designed with a looped handle and rounded edges for the dog's safety, and she also notes the fork's decorations:
Val: I have a pink rhinestone for girls, a blue rhinestone for boys, and a diamond.
Brad: So what's the diamond for? Tranny dogs?
- From the HatCam segment, we see the HatCam footage of different cast members, including Brendan (on his first day) and Leif encountering each other.
Brendan: Are you the new guy?
Leif: I'm the new guy? You're the new guy.
Brendan: Ah, dude... I've been doing this—
Leif: Excuse me, bro... come on, I've been here since Season 1.
Leif: How about you?
Brendan: I've been here since 9:00.
Leif: Oh, congratulations! Welcome.
- The Ms. Taken ring: essentially, a fake wedding ring for women to drive away perverts that are hitting on them.
Informercial Announcer: The Ms. Taken Femme Fatale ring packet comes with a blingin' 2-karet Australian crystal—
Wes: Australian crystal?! Uh-uh!
- Ted on the Happy Hotdog Man:
- The inventor of Fabri Can (spray-on fabric) is invited to the show to spray Mike T. and Brad; he only manages to spray fabric on the front of their torsos.
You know, I get invited here in New York to spray two gorgeous model, and here, what I'm having is I'm having these two guys
Mike T.: Yeah, well, I'm not fuckin' thrilled about this either, so why don't we just—
Brad: (Walks in) What did you say?! (To Mike T.) Hold on a sec, (To inventor) did you just call me fat?!
Motorheads (Drivers 2.0)
- Mike Trainor in response to a drunken Russian crashing a bulldozer through a parking lot, and the owners of the wrecked take turns beating him up (and at one point, pull up his shirt and smack him):
Mike T.: His shirt's up! Everybody give him a pink belly! (Starts smacking Brad Loekle's belly) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (Serious tone) Seriously dude, we're really mad at you.
- We see a tractor in a Walmart parking lot in Ontario, with no driver inside, which the cast turns into an episode of Scooby Doo, with Brendan Walsh playing Shaggy, and Michael Loftus playing Scooby Doo (also Mike Trainor and Brad Loekle are a pair of fraidy-cat cops).
Brendan as Shaggy: We figured out the ghost tractor was none other than Old Man Ted Jessup!
Ted: (Wearing a hoodie) And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddlin' grown men pretending to be cartoon characters!
Michael as Scooby: Rooby-rooby-doo!
- The opening skit of one episode, where Brendan invokes both Stalker with a Crush and Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!, as he hops into his slick black car and speeds off for taping.
Brendan reaches for the Twix bar, driving his now-beatup-looking yellow car off a cliff.
Brendan: Ohhhhhhhhhh the iiironyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....
Outlaws (Criminals 2.0)
- Mike Trainor, on a clip featuring a man who robbed a hotel that was hosting a mixed martial-arts fighters convention:
Mike T: Whenever you go to rob a hotel, check the little sign when you come in, make sure it doesn't say "Welcome, ass-kicking champs."
- Mike T. on a clip in Equador of a man wearing sunglasses walking by and ignoring two school girls being attacked by random man.
Mike T: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't notice two girls being assaulted, I was busy looking cool.
Partiers (Originally just drunk drivers, then upgraded to include parties, now mainly drunk drivers again)
- From a clip of a guy testing his own homemade pepper spray, and he starts flipping and flopping around in the bathtub, screaming like a little girl.
Guy: I'VE NEVER BEEN IN PAIN! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Camera Guy: Dude, open your eyes.
Guy: I CAN'T, THEY'RE CLOSED!
- From a clip where a group of drunken teenagers are pulled over by the police for stealing a bait car.
Passenger: We shouldn't have done this dawg, this was stupid as fuck!
Driver: I know. I love you guys.
Others: We love you too dawg.
You guys don't have to say your goodbyes like its Thelma & Louise
, you're just getting arrested...
- Pretty much any of the cast's response to clips where someone is eventually knocked unconscious.
Mike T.: Quick! Everybody do everything that you're not supposed to do with an unconscious person! You move her, you hump her, you pour water on her!
Chelsea: You've been hit by a bus... lie down...
Jaime: He's out, quick, everybody crowd around him!
- In a clip of women reggae dancing, one girl whips her head around so much, he wig flies off and lands on the ground.
Mike T.: EVERYBODY RUN! IT'S A GIANT TARANTULA!
- Mike Trainor playing the part of a Giants fan, who was arrested while behaving erratically at a celebration party.
Mike T.: Can you imagine how that guy's gonna explain this to his girlfriend? "So, how'd you get arrested?", "Well the Giants won the Super Bowl, dot-dot-dot, just come pick me up!"
- Tonya watching a clip of monkeys irritated at a drunk man invading their pin in a zoo.
Tonya: Monkeys are so cool... especially the ones with the big asses that stick out, I mean, huurrrrr...
- From a clip of an incredibly drunk man being forced from a bar, while he pulls down his pants and yells at various different people to fuck him.
Daniel: "Get back here before I pull my pants up" has got to be one of the least effective threats I have ever heard.
- Kevin McCaffrey's response to a woman being given a sobriety test, who remarks, "I'm Irish, I'm hot-blooded!"
Kevin: If you want to convince a cop that you're not drunk, saying that you're Irish is probably not the best way to do it. That's like trying to get out of a drug charge by saying, "Hey, I'm Andy Dick!"
- An athlete celebrates by drinking way too much Vodka. Loni tries to figure out his speech.
Loni: What the hell is he saying? Does anybody speak Vodka?
- A tailgating party where an elderly lady is actually getting her groove on, and even drawing attention from other younger people attending the party... and then a guy just walks by right in front of the camera.
Mike T: I like that one dude who just walks through full speed; "Do-da-loo-do-do! Nothin' weird here!"
Performers (The Hollywood side of World's Dumbest)
- John Enos and Loni Love "playing" with the love chair at the end of World's Dumbest Performers 8.
- This line while the cast is watching an adult movie in Performers 10.
Mike T.: Spoiler alert! It's his penis!
- Which actually outdates the famous line from New Girl (Performers 10 premiered in November 2011, the New Girl episode three months later).
- Mike T. dressed in a full-bodied Pacman costume with a mouth that works like a puppet. Look out, Sid & Marty Krofft!
- From Gil's rap video:
Gil: After I steal yo hoe, I will kill yo hoe, raise her from the dead, count up all my bread...
Brendan Walsh: So lemme get this straight... you're gonna steal my hoe... kill her... then bring her back to life... YOU WANNA BANG MY ZOMBIE GIRLFRIEND, GIL?!
- In a clip from Indonesia, featuring two men in a giant dragon costume puppet preparing to leap across a series of poles with platforms.
Mr. Dragon? I'm representing Mr. Snuffleupagus
, he's suing you for infringement.
- From the black bear newscast of "World's Dumbest Performers 12":
You know, some days the news should just show up and say, "Sorry, we got nothin'," and put on a Seinfeld
Pranksters (People doing stupid pranks you shouldn't do)
- "A little bit of water? On my shirt? I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"
- Nick DiPaolo playing Jimmy Hoffa.
Record Breakers (More things you're better off not doing)
- From "World's Dumbest Record Breakers 3", one clip shows us a woman trying to break a record at blowing into a hot water bottle, until it bursts - various different commentators try it themselves, to no success.
Brad: You have to blow harder than Tonya Harding's jokes to pop that!
Tonya: (Mumbling) Can you imagine if Leif put his mouth on that thing, and then I did, and it'd be like we were makin' out.
Brad: Can anybody understand a word this motherfucker says?
- From "World's Dumbest Record Breakers 6", we see a clip of a morbidly obese woman named Donna, who is trying to get into the record books by being the world's heaviest woman, and is currently working her way to weigh 1,000 pounds.
Donna: I wouldn't mind being a thousand pounds. The bigger you are, the sexier you are.
Mike T: Who told you that?! Was it a plate of bacon? Because that was a lie!
- After we watch a clip of Tonya breaking a record by driving her 1931 Ford Model A at 97 mph, then finishing the day by posing for photos in a black-and-white checkered bikini...
Billy: I didn't know we could bring our own home vidoes on this show, because I've got one of my daughter sitting on the potty.
Thrillseekers (Daredevils Lite)
Others (Any episode with less than 2 sequels)
- From "World's Dumbest Shoppers:
Judy Gold: "I'm gonna go get, a $50 piece of shit computer!"
- From the same clip, a distraught woman claims to be injured and almost killed, and repeatedly yells for somebody to call her an, "Ambalance".
Jo: It's not an ambalance, it's an ambulance. The answer is no, an ambalance is not on its way, because those don't exist.
- One clip shows the chaos that followed the release of Cabbage Patch Kids, one little girl with feathery blonde hair apparently had a doll snatched out of her hands and is crying over it, while another lady vents her anger about the entire situation.
Godfrey: I don't think that was a little girl, I think was Leif Garrett when he was really young.
(Cut to an insert of a photo Leif from the 70s compared to a still shot of the crying girl)
- While this wasn't on World's Dumbest... VH-1's I Love Toys did a segment on Cabbage Patch Kids, and even brought up an authentic doll will have inventor Xavier Roberts's signature embroidered on the doll's rear; Loni was digusted, "He branded every one of them babies!"
Unsorted (If anyone knows where these scenes come from, place them in their proper position and include the title)