Funny: The Simpsons Seasons 1 To 8
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1. - Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
- Homer answers the phone.
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: Who is this?
Patty: Can I speak to Marge?
Homer: [irritated] This is one of her sisters, isn't it?
Patty: Is Marge there?
Homer: Who shall I say is calling?
Patty: Marge please.
- Bart steps into a tattoo parlor.
Bart: One "Mother," please.
Tattoo Artist: Wait a minute, how old are you?
- Homer has a Drama Queen moment when he discovers Marge paid all the Christmas shopping money to remove Bart's tattoo.
Homer: It's true! The jar's empty! Oh my God! We're ruined! Christmas is cancelled. No presents for anyone!
- Homer hits his head on the workshop door while working as a mall Santa.
Homer: Hey, little ones! Santa's back! Ho ho [thump] D'OH!
- After coming home to rest, Patty & Selma irked him into buying a Christmas tree.
Homer: Merry Christmas.
Patty: It's Christmas? You wouldn't notice that around here.
Homer: [about to go upstairs] And why is that?
Selma: Well, for one thing there's no tree.
Homer: Well I was just on my way out to get one!
Lisa: Can we go too, dad?
Bart: Yeah, can we?
Homer: NO!! [slams the door]
2. - Bart the Genius
Teacher: You know what happens when you mix acids with bases, don't you?
[KABOOM!; Everyone and everything is covered in green goop]
[The 2 hamsters run away.]
- After Bart confesses to Homer, Homer switches and chases a naked Bart to his room, leading to Homer angrily beating on the door and this simple gem of a dialogue.
Marge: What's going on with those two?
- The famous Kwyjibo scene.
Homer: Wait a minute, boy! You're not going anywhere until you tell us what a kwyjibo is!
Bart: Um, a big dumb balding North American ape...with no chin.
Marge: And a short temper!
Homer: I'll show you a big dumb balding ape!
Bart: Help! Kwyjibo on the loose!
3. - Homer's Odyssey
- Headline: "Enough already, Homer Simpson!"
4. - There's No Disgrace Like Home
- Marge sings "Hey brother, Pour the Wine" at the company picnic.
- When Homer rescues Marge from herself, her head is tilted back and her mouth is hanging open! Marge is completely gone!
- The visit to Dr. Marvin Monroe. ("My finger slipped. [bzzt] AAAH!" "So did mine!") At the height of it, they burden the energy grid, causing all the lights in the city block to flicker.
5. - Bart the General
- Abe tells Bart to stand up for himself when Nelson bullies him, only for Jasper to walk through and take his newspaper despite his protests.
- Any scene with Herman, the one-armed military antiques store owner.
- One of the words Abe doesn't want to hear on TV again: "family jewels". Earlier, Homer claiming kicking people in the "family jewels" is a traditional Simpson technique.
6. - Moaning Lisa
- Homer and Bart play a video boxing game:
Homer: Come on, come on, let's go.
Bart: [as announcer] In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of the town, Battling Bart Simpson! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by knock-out...
Homer: Must you do this every time...
Bart: Homer "the Human Punching Bag" Simpson!
- Followed by a KO in the first round.
- Bart's boxer defeats Homer's boxer by punching his head off. Bear in mind this was a couple years before Mortal Kombat was made.
- There's also the last scene of that arc, which has Homer about to beat Bart thanks to lessons from a local video game wizard...and then Marge switches the game off to announce Lisa's recovery from depression, allowing Bart to quickly retire from video boxing to preserve his record as the undefeated champion.
7. - The Call of the Simpsons
8. - The Telltale Head
9. - Life on the Fast Lane
- Homer being so depressed, he doesn't even react to getting hit in the head.
Bart: Dad, you didn't even say, "Ouch!"
Homer: Oh sorry. Ouch.
Homer: My birthday?
Homer: It's my birthday?! What do I get? I love birthdays!
Marge: No, Homer! It's mine!
10. - Homer's Night Out
- Homer is about to strangle Bart after finding out he was the one who took the picture of him dancing with Princess Kashmir, but he is stopped by Marge, who strangles Homer for dancing with the stripper in the first place.
Homer: Why you little...
Marge: Why you big...[to Bart]: Bart, go to your room!
Bart: I'm outta here.
Homer: Look, Marge? Honey? Baby? Doll?
Marge: Homer, I don't even want to look at you right now.
Homer: What are you saying, honey?
[Marge points out the door]
Homer: But, where would I sleep?
Marge: My suggestion, is for you to sleep in the filth you created!!
[Marge slams the door in annoyance]
- Homer stays at Barney's apartment room.
Homer: [looking out the window] Hey Barney, see those tiny rows of light? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that's rough, pal. [leaves offscreen] Hello? Is this Marge? Turn off the damn porch light!
[Homer sees Barney on the phone]
Barney: Homer's not made of money, you know.
[Homer grabs the phone from him]
Marge: [through the phone Who is this?
Homer: Don't listen to him, Marge! He's—
Marge: It's you! Hmph! [hangs up]
11. - The Crepes of Wrath
- The Krusty doll repeats the lines "I like to play with you" over and over until the batteries die.
- Homer miraculously recovers from his back injury when Bart agrees to go to France on foreign exchange.
- Homer's final promise to Albanian exchange student/spy Adil has humor in it. As Adil is being loaded onto the plane to be deported, Homer tearfully promises to send him "those civil defense plans you wanted!".
- Bart: [sincere] Bye, Spanky.
12. - Krusty Gets Busted
- Krusty's on-air heart attack.
- An old clip of Sideshow Bob shows him smothering a pie in Krusty's face and Krusty decking him in response.
- Everyone laughs at Homer when they see in the surveillance video that Homer screamed and jumped into the chips when she saw "Krusty" carry a gun.
- Krusty nearly blows things at his trial from the beginning.
Judge: Krusty the Clown, how do you plead?
Krusty: I plead guilty, your honor!
[The crowd gasps. Krusty's attorney whispers something to him.]
Krusty: [laughing] Oh, sorry, I mean not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.
13. - Some Enchanted Evening
- "Leave Homer?!" "Don't use his name!" "Leave Pedro?!"
- The entire Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service scene. Marge calls but the family is blacklisted from there because the kids are hellians. Homer calls back using the fake name "Sampson" just for the receptionist to badmouth The Simpsons, referring to Homer as the big ape father. Homer's facial expressions are hysterical.
Bart: You don't have a clue, do ya dad?
Homer: [throws shaving cream at him] Out, boy! Out!
Bart: [leaving] What a grump!
- Homer at the flower shop.
Homer: I'd like some flowers.
Florist: What kind of flowers?
Homer: Y'know, pretty ones. Not dead.
Florist: We have some beautiful long-stem roses. They're $55 a dozen.
Homer: One, please.
14. - Bart Gets an "F"
15. - Simpson and Delilah
- This dialogue:
Marge: I love you, Homer!
Homer: I love you, Karl! Uh, Marge!
- The third thing Homer says to Bart that'll haunt him.
Homer: Baldness is hereditary!
Bart: [worried] It is?
16. - Treehouse of Horrornote
A.- Bad Dream House
Ominous Voice: They are all against you, Bart... You must kill them all... They all must die!
Bart: Are you my conscience?
Ominous Voice: I- Yes, I am...
Homer: [calling the estate agent] Mr. Bloot? Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS BUILT ON AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! ... NO YOU DIDN'T! ... Well, that's not my recollection ... Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye! [hangs up] He said he mentioned it 5 or 6 times.
Bart: Hey, do the thing!
Ominous Voice: What?
Bart: Make the walls bleed!
Ominous Voice: No!
Bart: Hey come on, man! We own you!
Ominous Voice: I don't have to entertain you!
Bart: Hey come on! Do it! Do the blood thing! Come on, do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
B. - Hungry are the Damned
C. - The Raven
17. - Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
- The song on Mr. Burns' campaign commercial: "Only a moron wouldn't count his vote/For Monty Burns!"
- The state motto: "Not Just Another State"
18. - Dancin' Homer
- After Mr. Burns throws the first pitch in the baseball game, Homer and Bart heckle him.
Bart: Hey, you throw like my sister, man!
Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me!
19. - Dead Putting Society
- Homer is so confident that Bart will win the miniature golf tournament that he places a written wager with Flanders, involving the loser's father mowing the winner's lawn in their respective wife's Sunday dress. At Flanders' insistence, Marge changes the loser part to say "the father of the boy who doesn't win". After Bart and Todd agree to a draw, Flanders believes it's a tie and they can put it behind them now. But Homer reminded them the wager is for the boy "who doesn't win", Flanders says they both have to get mowing. Lisa comments that she's going to need therapy in the future. Homer's plan backfires since Ned enjoys it, as it reminds him of his fraternity days. Homer can be heard muttering words of lament as the episode ends.
- Homer reads up Ned's apology letter to the family, ridiculing the ridiculously awkward lines with his children. Marge chides them all for laughing at Ned's attempt to apologise to Homer for the argument they had earlier and leaves the room...to hold back her own laughter.
20. - Bart vs. Thanksgiving
- Bart passes out in the gutter after donating blood on the bad side of town (and using Homer's driver's license to get away with it).
- "It's your fault America lost its way!"
21. - Bart the Daredevil
22. - Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
- Maggie knocks out Homer in a parody of the shower scene from Psycho.
- "AND THE HORSE I RODE IN ON!?"
- During Marge's protest, she asks if anyone can sympathize with her about her daughter (Maggie) hitting her husband (Homer)on the head with a mallet. She gets chants from several fathers with bandages on their heads.
23. - Bart Gets Hit by a Car
- Mr. Burns invites Homer and Marge to his home in hopes of making a cash settlement, but first he offers some wine.
Mr. Burns: There's plenty more where that came from.
Homer: Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk?
24. - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
25. - The Way We Was
- Bart pretends to gag and choke after Homer and Marge's heart-warming ending.
- Teenaged Homer tells teenaged Barney that he doesn't need English class because he's never going to go to England (funnier still when you realize that Homer would end up in England on the season 15 episode "The Regina Monologues".)
26. - Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment
- The rude cashier:
Marge: I ate 2 grapes, so you may charge me.
Cashier: 2 grapes!? Are you kidding me?
Marge: Just do it.
Cashier: [sighs] Hey! I need a price check on 2 grapes. That's right, 2 measley stinkin' grapes! [all while Marge gives a 'are you happy now' look at Lisa, who gives a 'yes I am' look right back.]
27. - Principal Charming
28. - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
- Bart sings an improvisational "Bastard, bastard" song after trying to defend the use of the word. (Bart was using it right in describing Herbert Powell, as Herbert was the product of a one-night stand between Grampa Abe Simpson [who was single at the time] and a dunk-tank carny who had sex with men for money.)
29. - Bart's Dog Gets an "F"
30. - Old Money
31. - Brush with Greatness
- Bart and Lisa pester Homer into taking the family to Mt. Splashmore after hearing Krusty's none-too-subtle song about it on TV.
- Homer gets stuck on the water slide at Mount Splashmore; The news broadcasts talk about Homer's weight.
- Also, Homer's swim trunks have a smiley face across the seat, but when he pulls them on, the smiley face turns to a frowny face.
32. - Lisa's Substitute
33. - The War of the Simpsons
34. - Three Men and a Comic Book
- The Comic Book Guy's sarcasm is funnier here than it would be in later episodes.
- Marge tells Homer to check on Bart and his friends, as they're in the treehouse and it's beginning to storm. Homer lazily looks out the window as lightning strikes the tree and says, "They're fine."
- Bart asks the actor who used to play Fallout Boy in the Radioactive Man TV show if the ghost of Radioactive Man's actor, Dirk Richter, haunts the bordello the police found his bullet-riddled body in. Said actor breaks down in tears and tells the audience to leave Richter alone, which just confuses the audience of con goers.
35. - Blood Feud
- Homer poses as Mr. Burns at the Springfield Post Office to reclaim a very insulting letter he wrote to him earlier.
Homer: [using fake voicenote ] Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: [still using fake voice; Beat]
...I don't know!
[cut to Homer and Bart outside the Post Office]
Homer: [sarcastically] Great plan, Bart.
- This comment from Mr. Burns, after reading Homer's letter:
I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant
- Homer's letter to Mr. Burns:
Dear Mr. Burns,
I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your card was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You.. Stink! You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl-arms, and you smell like an elephant's butt.
36. - Stark Raving Dad
- The mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson (with the real Michael Jackson providing his speaking voice; Kipp Lennon did his singing voice on the "Lisa It's Your Birthday" sequence), makes a phone call to Bart, who is understandably incredulous that the person on the other end is Jackson:
"Michael": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution.
Bart: Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?
"Michael": He could be. It's a big hospital.
- This bit:
Bart: Mom, Dad's in a mental hospital!
Marge: Oh, dear. Mother was right.
- Homer talks to Bart on the telephone as he's in the mental hospital.
Homer: [on the phone with Bart] Boy! When I get home I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and... [sees asylum doctors looking at him questioningly] ...and smother you with kisses.
Bart: Geez, Dad, whatever they have you on, cut the dose.
- Marge tries to convince one of the hospital doctors to release Homer.
Marge: If you'd just talk to my husband for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd realize how sane he is.
Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
37. - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
- The airplane scene shows Bart in the cockpit.
Pilot: The controls on the plane are similar to the ones on your bicycle. So, do you wanna see where we hang up our coats?
Bart: No thanks. I'd rather just push this button.
Pilot: No! [Bart pushes it, oxygen masks fall out of compartments over passengers]
Homer: [screams] We're all gonna die! [Passengers scream as the plane lands]
- The Simpsons tour Washington D.C.:
- Visiting the Smithsonian:
Homer: [On a balcony seeing money being pressed] Oh, money... [drools]
Worker: [Homer's drool lands on his head.] Hey! Watch it, chief!
Marge: Oh look, Homer! It's the IRS.
IRS agent: [peeks out of window] Oh, boo yourself.
- The National Air and Space Museum:
[Bart is inside the cockpit of an airplane, pretending to fly it and making sound effects.]
Homer: Bart! Get out of the "Spirit of St. Louis!"
[Bart ignores him and continues to make sound effects.]
- The pianist at the contest annoys Bart so much he finally slingshots him while singing a song about Lisa.
Bart: Lise, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.
38. - When Flanders Failed
- Bart tries to fight back against Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney when the trio are harassing Lisa. The trouble is, Bart skipped out on all of his karate lessons and only knows how to do "The Touch of Death" from playing video games.
39. - Bart the Murderer
- Fat Tony "explains" to Bart how hijacking a truckload of cigarettes isn't wrong.
Bart: Are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Say Bart, is it wrong for a man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his starving family?
Fat Tony: Suppose you have a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Fat Tony: And say your family don't like bread, they like... cigarettes.
Bart: I guess that's OK.
Fat Tony: And what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: ...Hell no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your present.
- Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this city. He is a cancer, and I am the... uh... What cures cancer?
40. - Homer Defined
- As the plant is about to catastrophically melt down, Mr. Burns is putting on an advanced radiation suit while Smithers stands by.
Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
Mr. Burns: [annoyed] Oh, how the hell should I know?
- The suit is clearly labelled "Smithers" by the way.
- Also, Smithers says something to Mr. Burns only seconds away from the meltdown.
Smithers: There may never be another chance to say: "I love you, sir."
Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thanks for making my last moments on Earth socially awkward.
41. - Like Father, Like Clown
- This exchange:
Lisa: We've come to talk to you about your son.
Rabbi Krustofski: I have no son! [slams the door]
Bart: Rats. We came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
Rabbi Krustofski: [opens door] I didn't mean that literally! [slams door again]
- Lisa: A man that envies our family is a man in need of help.
42. - Treehouse of Horror IInote
- Jimbo and Kearney threaten to egg Homer's house if Homer doesn't give them any candy — and they still egg the house just because they're jerks.
A. - The Monkey's Pawnote
- Homer tries to make a wish that can't backfire with the monkey's paw.
Homer: I want a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard and and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. Got it?
[A turkey sandwich appears and Homer eats it.]
Homer: Not bad. Nice hot bread, good mustard, the turkey's a little dry- The turkey's a little dry! Oh, what foul demon from the depths of hell created thee?
- The funniest part is that the monkey paw did grant his wish about not having any weird surprises.
B. - The Bart Zonenote
- Bart's class is taught different material in school.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, class, the course of history has been changed once again, in accordance with the answers on Bart Simpon's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by some guy, and our country isn't called America anymore. It's Bonerland.
- Bart's powers force Krusty to stay on TV constantly.
Krusty: Well, we're still on. 346 consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!
- "Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"
- "The ball is turning into a fat, bald man! And it's no good!"
- Bart changes Homer back into a human after they bond and sharing a lot of heartwarming moments...and then Bart wakes up from his dream screaming his head off.
C. - If I Only Had a Brainnote
- Homer gets a job as a grave digger... on the night that Mr. Burns and Smithers are searching for a brain to implant into their new robot.
Mr. Burns: Hello! An open grave! Smithers, get him out quickly; the stench is overpowering.
Smithers: Uh, sir? That's Homer Simpson... [scoff] he wasn't exactly a "model employee."
Well, who is
a model...[Death Glare]
[Smithers' head vanishes, replaced with just a floating brain wearing glasses]
Smithers: [panicking] Simpson will do just fine, sir!
[Smithers drags the bag with Homer in it over rocks, etc., making him moan in pain.]
Smithers: Did you hear that, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The booger man?!
Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir; I think he's alive!
Mr. Burns: [walks over to the bag, wielding a shovel]
Bad corpse! [thwack]
Bad corpse! [thwack] Stop! [thwack] Scaring! [thwack] Smithers! [Homer whimpers inside the bag]
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
- Mr. Burns is removing Homer's brain from his head so it can be placed into the robot.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop.
Smithers: Ice cream scoop?
Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
43. - Lisa's Pony
- Bart performs a "Boy of 1,000 Voices" act at the talent show, which makes him the boy with 1,000 daysnote detention.
- Homer hints around the idea of purchasing a horse (for Lisa) to Marge right before they go to sleep.
Marge: You sound like you're going to buy a pony. Promise me you won't.
Marge: What was that? Was that a "yes" or a "no"?
Marge: [angrily] Those aren't even words!
Homer: Sna. [Marge groans and shuts off the light; Homer grins happily in the dark.]
- Bart mocks Homer's effeminate tea-party mannerisms while Homer is playing with Lisa, and the 2 get chased down by Homer.
- Homer is tired from working the graveyard shift at the Kwik-E-Mart. He parks the car in the garage and walks upstairs to the bedroom where he falls asleep for less than 2 seconds. As the alarm clock rings, Homer shuts it off and gets back up.
44. - Saturdays of Thunder
- Bart initially makes his first cart, complete with Homer's absolute obliviousness as to why his son is asking for power tools, capped off by him yelling "BART! You can't weld with such a little flame! Stupid kid." as he and Lisa leave for the video store
- Martin crashes into the wall and catches fire during the soap box derby race. A rescue crew puts out the fire on the racer as Martin runs screaming.
- Barney gets pepper-sprayed after asking Patty and Selma if either of them is Mary Tyler Moore.
- Nelson is told not to smoke in the pit area and he extinguishes the cigarette using his tongue.
45. - Flaming Moe's
- The Flaming Moe song:
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife
Well don't throw in the towel cause there's
A place right down the block
Where you can drink your miseries away
At Flaming Moe's (let's all go Flaming Moe's)
Where Liquor in a mug
Can can warm you like a hug
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
- Homer exaggerates what Marge tells him in the bedroom.
Marge: Maybe you could take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I am the magical man from happy land! In a gumdrop house on lollipop laaaaaaane! [storms out, then sticks his head back in]
Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic
Marge: Well, duh.
- Bart's prank call to Flaming Moe's backfires.
Hugh Jass: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
46. - Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerknote
- Homer's Dream Sequence in "The Land of Chocolate" is an absolute classic. Just the sheer childlike joy he radiates as he munches on everything in sight (including a chocolate Scottish terrier) is enough to induce helpless giggling.
[Homer is still singing and daydreaming]
Hans: Mr. Simpson?... Mr. Simpson?...
Fritz: [angrily] Mr. Simpson!
Homer: [snapping out] Oh, I'm sorry. We were talking about chocolate?
Fritz: That was 10 minutes ago!
- Mr. Burns' reaction to the amount of money he'll get by selling the plant.
- Homer's line of "I have stock?!?" after his stock broker calls him.
47. - I Married Marge
- Homer and Marge leave the cinema after seeing Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
Homer: Wow, what an ending! Who would have ever guessed that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father?
[Everyone in line starts complaining]
Man Waiting To See The Film: Thanks a lot, Mr. Blow-The-Movie-For-Me!
- Baby Bart's first act of random destruction is setting Homer's tie on fire.
Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE— He did that on purpose!
Marge: Homer, how could he? He's only 10 minutes old!
- Dr. Hibbert's horrified reaction upon learning Homer's now a nuclear technician.
- Homer yells, "D'oh!" (and a man in traction shares in his pain) after Dr. Hibbert implies that Marge is pregnant.
48. - Radio Bart
- Bart sticks a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on Homer's butt after Homer tells Bart not to use the microphone/radio set for pranks. A very nice visual stealth pun of the phrase, "Your ass is mine" (or "...belongs to me.")
49. - Lisa the Greek
50. - Homer Alone
- Homer gets attacked by Santa's Little Helper while trying to cheer Maggie up with a puppet show.
- Lisa says "Wish I thought of that." after seeing Maggie clutch to the door upon learning that she will be staying with Patty and Selma while Marge is on vacation.
51. - Bart the Lover
- Homer makes contributions to the Swear Jar; every time he swears, he has to put in a quarter. This starts a montage of scenes in which he can't control his swearing:
[In church, Homer blindly puts money into a collection plate]
Bart: Homer, that was a 20!
[Jump Cut to him dropping 2 coins into the jar.]
[While bowling, the last pin fails to fall over]
Homer: Oh, you son of a—!
[Jump Cut to him dropping more change into the jar.]
[Homer sees Ned Flanders after being suggested by Homer to shave his mustache while taking out the trash.]
Ned: Hey Homer! You know, I owe you one, buddy! No sooner than I shaved off the ol' cookie-duster that a lady cast me in a commercial! [checks mail] I tell you, the way these checks keep coming it, it's almost criminal.
Homer: [after Ned walks away] YOU DIRTY BAS—!
[Jump Cut to him dropping even more change into the jar.]
[Homer finishes building a very shoddy dog house. It doesn't have a door.]
Homer: Whaddya think, Lisa?
Lisa: How's the dog supposed to get in?
Homer: Well, he just goes...[pause] Awwwwww—
[Jump Cut to him dropping still more change into the jar.]
[Homer is asleep in a hammock. Out of nowhere, a beehive falls down and on to his stomach.]
[Jump Cut to a badly stung hand dropping a huge pile of change into the jar.]
- A little later, Homer is building the doghouse and smacks his thumb with a hammer.
Oh. Fudge. That's... broken. [He turns around and steps on a nail, which goes through his foot and sticks out of the top of his shoe.]
Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to... KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! [He does just that, with his injuredfoot]
- The whole family composes a letter to Ms. Krabappel explaining why "Woodrow" (a fake man Bart made up to screw with her after he saw her personal ad) can't see her again. They come up with a lot of rejected ideas. Bart's and Homer's are the funniest ones, from Bart suggesting that "crocodiles bit off my face," to Homer repeatedly pitching "3 simple words: I am gay."
- Homer's drunken post card:
Dear Marge, Maybe it's the beer talking, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these giant pretzels eegaaafooa beer
$5? Get out of here.
52. - Homer at the Bat
- Barney Gumble gets into an argument with Wade Boggs.
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! [he punches out Boggs]
Moe: Yeah, that's showin' 'im, Barn! 'Pitt the Elder'...
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON! [he punches out Moe]
- The professional players go through mishaps, including what happens to Ozzie Smith.
Ozzie Smith: [while falling into oblivion] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—Cool!—AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
- Homer wins the game for his team by getting hit in the head with the baseball. Then there's the team's victory photo (which closes out the episode). We see the professional players all reflecting their predicaments (such as Ozzie Smith being a ghost, and Ken Griffey Jr. and his gigantism), and an unconscious Homer lying down face-first.
53. - Separate Vocations
54. - Dog of Death
- This conversation between Mr. Burns and Smithers.
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
- Kent Brockman wins the lottery on the air during the newscast.
Kent: [reading his numbers] 38? 49? Oh my God. I won. I WON!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [spins around in his chair] Ahem. Recapping our top story, the winner of the state lottery is... me, Kent Brockman. Can we get a shot of me? [an image Kent spinning around in his chair is posted] There ya go. In other news... [clearly disinterested] tragic mishap today in Cleveland.... many people killed..... ummmm........ goodbye! [runs off]
- Homer and Marge discuss about Kent Brockman.
Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
55. - Colonel Homer
- Homer is not used to compliments.
Lurleen: Oh Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.
Homer: Thanks! You did say sugar, right?
- Another example:
Homer: Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV!
Lurleen: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: [angrily] Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
- Lurleen wants Homer to be her manager.
Homer: Really? Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.
Lurleen: That's okay.
Homer: I make a lot of stupid decisions.
Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.
Homer: I did bad in school.
Lurleen: I didn't even go.
Homer: My personal hygeine has been described as...
- Marge first meets Lurleen.
Marge: You told me she was fat.
Homer: Marge, it takes 2 to lie: one to lie and one to listen.
56. - Black Widower
57. - The Otto Show
- The entire first half with Spinal Tap. "We salute you, our half-inflated dark lord!"
- Otto's drives madly to school after his impromptu concert (which includes crashing into Spinal Tap's bus, none of the police officers bothering to get the license number of the bus as it crashed through a police picnic, and all the bystanders rushing to pay phones after seeing the "How Am I Driving?" bumper sticker on the detached bumper). This is followed by his explanation to Principal Skinner and the cops that he doesn't have a license or wears his own underwear.
- Otto mistakes Marge's sister Patty for a male-to-female transsexual.
Otto: Have you always been a chick? I-I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open-minded. [Patty quickly discards the green pen used for correct answers.]
- Otto studies for his driver's test.
Otto: Alcohol increases your ability to drive. [flips to answer key] False?! Oh, man!
- Patty tells Otto that he failed every segment of his driver's test, and misspelled "bus" on his application.
58. - Bart's Friend Falls in Love
59. - Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
- Homer is getting a physical exam at the power plant.
Doctor: This can't be right, this man has 104% body fat...Hey, no eating in the tub!
Homer: [nonchalantly] Go to Hell.
- Herb shows up at the Simpsons' front door.
Herb: What am I going to say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions, how to express them?
[Homer opens the door]
Homer: Herb? [Herb punches Homer]
- A little bit later:
Herb: Sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face!
Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house could you just kick me in the butt?
Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
- This exchange between Homer and Herb:
Homer: I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on this, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I try, but I can't...
- Herb goes bankrupt in a game of Monopoly. Homer pokes fun at him about it and gets punched in the face for his troubles.
- And at the end:
Herb: And Maggie, the one who helped me reclaim my fortune, I'll give you anything your heart desires.
Maggie: [baby gibberish]
Translator: I want what the dog's eating. [cut to a shot of Santa's Little Helper eating from his dish]
60. - Kamp Krusty
- At the start of the episode, Bart has a dream about Principal Skinner telling everyone to tear down the school to "School's Out" by Alice Cooper.
- Bart and Lisa talk to Homer and Marge before leaving on the bus for camp.
Bart: Don't look in my closet. In fact, stay out of my room altogether.
Lisa: [yelling from the bus] If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!
- Lisa: [writing a letter to home] I no longer fear hell, for I have been to Kamp Krusty.
- The tyrannical Mr. Black dines with Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney.
Mr. Black: [toasting] Gentleman, to evil!
- The "Kamp Krusty" theme montage features a frog leaping from Lisa's bowl of gruel, Bart falling into a ditch while trying to catch a pop fly, and a random kid at the camp infirmary getting cigarette smoke blown in his face by the nurse (who just used his cast to light the match).
- Bart and Lisa are not enjoying Kamp Krusty at all.
Lisa: Bart, I think we're going to die.
Bart: We're all gonna die Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon!
Bart: [sadly] So did I.
- Homer and Marge hear of the hostile takeover of Kamp Krusty on the news. When they see Bart has become the ringleader, Homer (who had spent the entire summer completely stress-free and had gotten into notably better shape) yells out, "D'OH!", and immediately, his newly grown hair falls from his head, and his gut expands to his pre-summer shape.
- Krusty reacts to Bart's grievances.
Bart: Krusty, this camp was a nighmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh my God! [breaks down sobbing]
Bart: ...actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: [collected] Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty: Oh my God! [breaks down sobbing again]
61. - A Streetcar Named Marge
- Marge goes crazy and almost knocks Ned over after being fueled by Homer being a boorish jerk to her.
- Jon Lovitz's entire performance as Llewelyn Sinclair, but especially his powerhouse introduction: "The review-'Play Enjoyed By ALL'-speaks for itself!"
62. - Homer the Heretic
63. - Lisa the Beauty Queen
- At the school carnival, Groundskeeper Willie trying to sell haggis from his stand (which looks like it's nowhere near the school carnival).
- Otto cranks up the speed on a Rocket Spinner ride; the car flies off and crashes into the school. Otto then tells Bart that he's going to Mexico until this blows over and is chased by an angry mob.
- Milhouse goes into a shoddily-built haunted house that turns out to be a shed with the 3 bullies (Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney) standing under a bare light bulb, getting ready to beat Milhouse up. When Milhouse steps out, Bart steps in, thinking that it's a regular haunted house.
- Lisa is crowned "Little Miss Springfield" (after the actual winner gets struck by lightning). A new wax figure is created in the Springfield Wax Museum. The problem is the curators just stuck Lisa's head on a wax statue of Dr. Ruth. The funny part is that Dr. Ruth's head now resides in the Chamber of Horrors next to Mr. T and Ronald Reagan.
- Lisa claims that college football diverts necessary resources from education and the arts, which causes 4 stereotypical nerds to chase a football team off of the field.
64. - Treehouse of Horror IIInote
A. - Clown Without Pity
- Homer is buying the cursed doll:
Shop Keeper: Take this object. But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Oh, that's bad.
Shop Keeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shop Keeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: Oh, that's bad.
Shop Keeper: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Shop Keeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. [Homer stares blankly] That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
- The Krusty doll advancing on Homer, laughing evilly but then stops and sees his pull cord has run out. He motions for Homer to pull it back out. Homer does.
- Homer tells Marge about the Krusty doll attacking him.
Homer: Marge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!
- The Krusty doll attempts to kill Homer while he's in the tub and Homer runs naked and screaming through the kitchen, where his wife and his sisters-in-law are having lunch.
Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.
- This particular moment becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when the Season 16 episode "There's Something About Marrying" revealed that Patty was a lesbian.
- The revelation that the Krusty doll is evil because of a switch on its back and not because of a horrible curse.
- The Krusty doll becomes Homer's slave.
- Smithers had just knocked out King Homer with a gas bomb:
Excellent work, Smithers! When we get back, I'm giving you a raise! [King Homer eats Smithers in his sleep;Beat]
- Mr. Burns sings "I was strolling through the gas one day..." after trying to throw a gas bomb, only to lob it near his feet.
- All of Barney's lines, but especially his response to the unveiling of King Homer: "Wow! Look at the size of that platform!"
- King Homer eats Shirley Temple during her performance of "On the Good Ship Lollipop".
- King Homer has broken free and starts a rampage.
Mr. Burns: I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that.
Marge: [sees Homer outside] Oh hi, Homie!
- King Homer has fallen 3 stories.
Marge: He's not dead!
Mr. Burns: No, but his career is. I remember when Al Jolson ran amok at the Winter Garden and climbed the Chrysler building. After that, he couldn't even get arrested in this town.
C. - Dial 'Z' for Zombies
- The zombies have risen from the grave so Bart and Lisa urgently tell Homer.
Bart & Lisa: Dad, dad we've done something terrible!
Homer: Did you crash the car?
Bart & Lisa: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Bart & Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's OK?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right, then.
- Also this moment, which is said to be Matt Groening's favorite line:
Bart: Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?
- Homer attempts a Heroic Sacrifice, only for the zombies to tap his head to find nothing and then go around shouting "Brains!" in Simpleton Voices. The icing on the cake is how hurt and offended Homer looks afterward.
- Homer twirls a lever-action shotgun and simultaneously cocks it, shouting "TO THE BOOK DEPOSITORY!" upon learning the family has to head for the school library. Doubles as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome just for being so badass.
- Krusty is attacked by a zombified Sideshow Mel. This is followed by a We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties sign.
Zombie Krusty: To enter, send me your parents' brains, or write "Parents' Brains" on a 3x5 card and send it to...
65. - Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
- Marge has an Imagine Spot of Bart as a fat, sleazy male stripper who gets booed at by his "adoring" female fans and lies moaning under the garish disco lights after someone hurls a bottle at his head.
- Homer threatens to put his dad in the "crooked home [he] saw on 60 Minutes" if he doesn't start making sense (though some episodes do depict the Springfield Retirement Castle as a crooked assisted living home like the ones Homer saw on "60 Minutes", especially with Homer's line about the nurses stealing Grampa's money and "the thing" on Grampa's neck getting bigger)
- Homer attempt to punish Bart.
Homer: Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.
Abe: Oh, this is going to be sweet.
Marge: No, no, no!
- Abe tries to get his friend Jasper's teeth out of the glass (in the aftermath of Bart breaking Grampa's teeth) while he sleeps. Jasper wakes up and draws a gun on him.
Jasper: Well, well, if it isn't the Tooth Fairy.
- Homer's advice to Bart about how to get out of jury duty: "The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
- A possible explanation to Homer's intelligence:
Homer: You know, when I was your age I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get one for me, so I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what is the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.
- There is a Cutaway Gag of Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole.
66. - Marge Gets a Job
- Bart falls out his bedroom window after Homer tells Marge that the sinking foundation isn't that big of a problem in their house.
- Bart sets up the house (whose foundation is sinking) as a sideshow called The Slanty Shanty. He introduces Homer as "Cue Ball: The Man Who No Hair."
- Lionel Hutz freaks out and runs after seeing Mr. Burns' squad of 10 high-priced, professional lawyers.
67. - New Kid on the Block
- Laura mind-screws Dolph and Kearney by implying that they're gay.
Kearney: Hey, baby, how 'bout puttin' your finger in my ear?
Laura: Well, I don't know. Your boyfriend looks like the jealous type.
Kearney: Hey, what the...?!
Dolph: That chick's messin' with our minds!
Kearney: Let's get outta here!
- Homer orders a pizza during his trial against not getting his fill at The Frying Dutchman's "All You Can Eat Buffet."
- A random man's line, "I heard they shaved a gorilla" in reference to Homer when Homer is put to work as a sideshow freak (Bottomless Pete: The Man Who Can't Stop Eating, a.k.a. Nature's Cruelest Mistake) for the Frying Dutchman.
68. - Mr. Plow
- Homer doesn't want to tell the Insurance Officer what Moe's Tavern really is.
Insurance Officer: Now this place, Moe's, you left before the accident, this is some kind of business?
Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar. [gasp] But what else is open at night?
Homer's Brain: Heh, heh. I would've never thought of that.
- The wind blows off Barney's diaper (leaving him naked), and he runs after it.
- Every moment with Adam West.
Adam West: I never needed plastic molding to improve my physique. [taps chest] Pure West. And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore? Remember the Batusi? [He begins dancing and grunting rhythmically while a disturbed Homer, Bart, and Lisa back away slowly.]
- During Homer's commercial, Bart asks Homer if his service is legal.
Homer: [smiling] My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage!
Bart: You are fully licensed and bonded by the city, aren't you Mr. Plow?
Homer: [stops smiling, talks out of the corner of his mouth] Shut up, boy.
[Homer growls angrily at Bart as they watch the commercial on TV]
Homer: So, [cue jingle] ♪ Call Mr. Plow. That's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow. ♪
- Homer talks to a female customer about shoving snow off her driveway.
Woman: Could you make sure not to scrape my asphalt?
Homer: [muttering] Kiss my asphalt...
- Homer reassures Marge his plow truck will be safe as he goes to rescue Barney.
Homer: Don't worry, this baby's as surefooted as a mountain goat. [Cut to nearby mountain goat, which slips off a cliff repeatedly.]
- Homer has a hair-raising trip across a rickety wooden bridge, during which he sees a full, stable suspension bridge a short distance away that he could have used and says, "D'oh!".
- Homer rescues Barney from the snowy mountain and apologizes for tricking him. They agree to be partners.
God: Oh no? [the snow instantly melts]
69. - Lisa's First Word
- Homer tells baby Lisa that he opened a college fund for her at Lincoln Savings and Loan (which infamously shut down in the 1980s). This is followed by Homer dismissing Marge's fears that Bart will be jealous of his new baby sister with: "Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt!"
- Grampa Simpson reveals that he won his house during the 1950s quiz show scandal by ratting out everybody and getting away with it.
- Infant Bart refuses to address Homer properly.
Homer: Homer's what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy.
Bart: Da-da-da... Domer! [chuckles]
Homer: Why you little—! [strangles Bart]
- Bart flushing Homer's wallet (and later his keys) after Homer says that he's got his nose.
- Baby Lisa does the same thing infant Bart did earlier, even after naming everything else correctly.
Homer: Can you say Daddy?
Homer: No, sweetie. Daddy.
70. - Homer's Triple Bypass
- The COPS opening features a suicidal man choosing to hurl himself off a building rather than come to Chief Wiggum, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou shooting at a mummy with Chief Wiggum throwing his gun, and these lyrics to the song.
♪ Springfield's cops are on the take
But what do you expect with the money we make
Whether in a car or on a horse
We don't mind using excessive force ♪
- Homer: I can't wait until they throw his hatless butt in jail!
- A mechanic tries to warn Homer about his heart, then has a brief conversation with a boy named Billy.
Billy: Where's he going?
Mechanic: You remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
Billy: We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikopopolous?!
Mechanic: You're a dull boy, Billy.
- Homer comes out of his second heart attack and tells Dr. Hibbert that he was in a "wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone, and there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt."
- Dr. Nick: Call 1-800-D.O.C.T.O.R.B! The "B" is for Bargain!
- This Dr. Nick bit:
P.A. System: Dr. Nick Riviera, paging Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the coroner's office immediately.
Dr. Nick: The coroner?! I'm so sick of that guy.
- Dr. Nick Riviera informs Homer about the surgery, then leaves the hospital room.
Dr. Nick: OK, see you in the operating place. [Reporters are outside the door; One asks "Where are the bodies?"] It's such a nice day. I think I'll go out the window. [Jumps out the window]
- Dr. Nick watches a video on how to perform a triple bypass, shortly before he has to perform that surgery on Homer: "Oh no, blood!"
- The operation video is interrupted by a talk show called People Who Look Like Things.
Pumpkin-Head Guy: All we ask is that we get treated with dignity.
Host: And a new candle every now and then?
Pumpkin-Head Guy: Yes, and a new can- NO!
- Dr. Nick talks to the O.R. team before Homer's surgery.
Dr. Nick: Now remember, if something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved. You know what they say: "One hand washes the other." Oh, that reminds me... [washes hands]
- As Homer is falling asleep from the anesthetic, Dr. Nick can't identify something.
Dr. Nick: What the hell is that?
- A defining moment for Apu:
Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
Customer: Gimme some jerky.
Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure!
- As he does the surgery, Dr. Nick does an improvisational song to the well-known spiritual song called "Dem Bones".
♪ The kneebone's connected to the something
; the something's connected to the red thing
; the red thing's connected to my wristwatch
- After Dr. Nick successfully operates on Homer, he encounters a former patient.
Mr. McGreg: Dr. Nick Riviera. Remember me?
Dr. Nick: Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg! With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!
71. - Marge vs. the Monorailnote
- Homer has a Flintstones theme song spoof on his way home from work.
(As the first official episode guide puts it, "And he does.")
- At night, Mr. Burns and Smithers are stuffing a barrel of nuclear waste into a tree at the park.
Smithers: I think it's full, sir.
Mr. Burns: That's ridiculous! The last tree held 9 drums.
- Marge notices that many Springfield citizens showed up for the City Hall meeting on how to spend Mr. Burns' fine of $3,000,000. Then there's a cut to many criminals robbing the homes of people who aren't there.
Snake: Could this town be any stupider?
- As Marge describes the condition of Main Street in Springfield, there's a flashback to Homer driving his car down the road with chains wrapped around the tires and a piano tied to the roof of his car. The weight causes chunks of the road's concrete to break off and scatter in different directions.
Homer: WOO! Look at that pavement fly!
- The last few lines of "The Monorail Song" go like this.
Marge: ♪ But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
Everyone except Marge: Monorail! / Monorail! / Monorail! ♪ MONORAIL!
Homer: ♪ Mono... ♪ D'OH!!!
- The trailer for "Truckasaurus: The Movie".
Coming soon, it's "Truckasaurus: The Movie
", starring Marlon Brando
as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
John Truckasaurus: You crazy car, I dunno whether to eat you or kiss you.
Celebrity voice impersonated.
- Homer sees a TV ad for Lyle Lanely's monorail school and tells Marge.
Homer: Marge, I wanna be a monorail conductor.
Marge: Homer, no.
Homer: It's my lifelong dream!
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game, and you did it last year. Remember? [Marge points to a framed sports page, with a picture of Homer running onto a baseball field in the middle of a game, with the headline, "Idiot Ruins Game/Springfield Forfeits Pennant"].
- Bart is proud of his dad's decision to become a monorail conductor and hopes he can follow in his footsteps (metaphorically).
Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you "Ho-Ju"!
Bart: ...I'll get back to you.
- Lyle Lanley instructs the people who all want to be the monorail conductor.
Lanley: And in conclusion, Mono means one and rail means rail. And that concludes our extensive 3 week course.
Otto: Hey wait, man! Who gets to be conductor?
Lanley: Oh yeah, that. I have been monitoring your progress, [he looks in a book with a picture of himself driving to Tahiti with lots of money] and this gentleman stands above the rest. [Does general arm sweep across room and gets ready to leave.]
Homer: Who, me?
Lanley: Yeah, sure.
- Homer: "I call the big one Bitey!"
- At the grand opening ceremony for the Springfield monorail, Mayor Quimby says a quote from the wrong science fiction franchise to Leonard Nimoy.
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May the force be with you!"
Leonard: [annoyed] Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
- As the monorail departs from the station, Marge returns from North Haverbrook with Sebastian Cobb. Cobb's hair looks different than it did earlier.
Marge: WE'RE TOO LATE!
Sebastian: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.
- On the out-of-control monorail, Leonard Nimoy notices the moon moving in front of the sun.
Leonard: A solar eclipse: the cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Leonard: Anybody want to switch seats?
- The monorail is going haywire and Krusty doesn't want to be on it anymore.
Krusty: KRUSTY WANTS OUT!!! [attempts to jump out of the runaway monorail]
Leonard: No! [saves him] The world needs laughter.
- Marge uses a radio to inform Homer about Sebastian Cobb (who helped Mr. Lanley create the defective monorail in North Haverbrook).
Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist!
Marge: It's not Batman!
- Homer has to find a anchor to stop the monorail. He looks at Bart and pictures him as a anchor.''
Bart: Think harder, Homer.
- The Springfield Monorail is stopped, so Leonard Nimoy leaves.
Leonard: Well, my work here is done.
Barney: Whaddaya mean, "Your work is done"? You didn't do anything!
Leonard: Heh, heh. Didn't I? [beams away]
- The ending.
Marge: [narrating] And that was the only folly the people of Springfield embarked upon. Except for the popsicle stick skyscraper. And the 50 foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere.
72. - Selma's Choice
- "And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same!" (Well, no, not after Bart pulled down the robot's pants.)
- Homer and Bart singing "Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead" after Marge objects to them singing "On Top of Spaghetti" during their drive to Great Aunt Gladys' funeral.
- Lionel Hutz re-dubs Great Aunt Gladys's video will.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works. You really would.
- The fortuneteller mistakes truth serum for a love potion.
- Homer mentally snarks, "Yeah, 'The Legend of the Dog-Faced Woman'" after Selma says, "Her [Great Aunt Gladys'] legend will live forever."
- Homer declares that he's okay to go to Duff Gardens (despite being sick from eating a rotten hoagie) only for him to pass out on the floor and crawl away.
- Homer tries to drive
Homer: Duff Gardens! Hurrah! [He passes out, and his head hits the car horn.]
- After seeing Bart and Lisa leave with Selma to go to Duff Gardens, Homer finds the rotten hoagie on top of the garbage can.
- Lisa drinks the "water" on the Duff ride and promptly goes insane. She believes Selma is a monster and tries to attack her with an oar, plus Lisa almost got run over when she dances right into the parade. She's later delivered to Selma pale, shivering, and looking around wildly while covered in a towel.
Security Guard: We found this one swimming naked in the fermentarium.
Lisa: [throws her arms in the air]
I am the Lizard Queen
- Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney ride off into the sunset on stolen bumper cars (though bumper cars don't work unless they're attached to the electric ceiling and in an earlier scene, the 3 bullies were arrested in a Duff Gardens commercial).
73. - Brother from the Same Planet
- Krusty has a disastrous stint hosting Tuesday Night Live. It's funny considering that some of the early Simpsons writers (Jon Vitti, George Meyer, Conan O'Brien, and John Swartzwelder, especially) were SNL writers in the mid-1980s (making the whole joke a mix between Affectionate Parody and a joke about the common claim that Saturday Night Live relies too much of its humor on one-note characters and that its sketches are insanely long.note
- TV Announcer: Tonight on Wings...ah who cares?
- The nun screams, "This isn't funny!" as she gets blown away in the storm and explodes.
- Homer runs naked out of the house after realizing he forgot to pick up Bart from soccer practice.
- Homer ad-libs constellation names while Pepi and him look at the stars, nearly referring to them all as some sort of cowboys.
- The "I.P. Freely" gag during the news cast about Tom and Homer's brawl.
- During the aforementioned fight, Homer attempts to tackle Tom right into a china shop to beat on him some more. However, Tom calmly walks out of the store and we see Homer was recklessly breaking glassware instead of beating up his opponent.
- The end of the fight scene shows Tom delivering a series of blows to Homer's head, knocking him out. Homer falls backwards... and lands on top of a fire hydrant, breaking his back and twisting his body into a U-shape with a loud crack. Tom's expression says it all.
74. - I Love Lisa
- Principal Skinner, while broadcasting over the intercom about Bart's latest prank, suddenly has a Vietnam flashback about one of his friends getting gunned down after making a Valentine for his girlfriend.
Skinner: [over the intercom] JOHNNY!!!
Bart: Cool, I broke his brain!
- Bart offers to go as Lisa with Ralph to the Krusty's Anniversary special.
Lisa: What if he (Ralph) wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm willing to take that risk.
Lisa: What if he wants to kiss?
Bart: I'm willing to take that risk.
Lisa: What if he-
Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.
- Chief Wiggum tells Lisa and Ralph the story of how he got tickets for Krusty's show - by bumping into Krusty at a porno movie and the clown mistakenly thinking it was a bust.
Lisa: That story's not appropriate for children.
Chief Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
- YMMV for the moment when Bart shows Lisa the frame-by-frame of Ralph becoming distraught.
Bart: Watch this, Lise! You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half. [Ralph's face contorts frame by frame, stopping on gritted teeth] aaaand...now.
- The "Mediocre Presidents" song.
- During the Presidents' Day play, Milhouse plays Abraham Lincoln, while Bart is John Wilkes Booth. The play's version of the assassination boils down to a mock fight and Bart as The Ahnold - leaving everyone in the audience silent and gaping. Well, almost everyone.
Homer: C'mon, boy! Finish him off!
- "You're next, Chester A. Arthur!" [Miss Hoover grabs hold to Bart] "Unhand me, Yankee!"
75. - Duffless
- Homer has a conversation with his brain in the kitchen.
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer's Brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at 9, punch out at 5, that's the plan.
Homer's Brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. [camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything] Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's Brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: AAAAH! [he runs out the front door, gets in his car, and drives away]
- As Homer is making his dramatic escape from the plant, he encounters a gigantic spider.
Homer: [reading off a scroll] "To overcome the Spider's Curse, simple quote a Bible verse!"? Uh, thou shalt not... oh! [he throws a rock at the spider, knocking it out senseless]
- Homer throws himself out the window after Reverend Lovejoy tells him that, with Alc-Anon's help, he'll never have a beer again.
- Homer confesses that he was so desperate for a beer he snuck into a stadium after a football game so he could eat the dirt under the bleachers. This prompts a horrified Rev. Lovejoy to kick him out of Alc-Anon.
- Homer sees Ralph Wiggum's science fair project and has his own vision of an alcohol-fueled car.
Homer: [puts the fuel nozzle in the car] One for you. [removes it] One for me. [inserts the nozzle into his mouth, takes a drink of "GASOHOL", and puts it back in the car] One for you. [removes it again] One for me. [sticks the nozzle in his mouth a second time and drinks some more]
76. - Last Exit to Springfield
- The name of the dentist's office: Painless Dentistry, formerly Painful Dentistry.
- The entire scene with "The Big Book of British Smiles".
- Homer points out a scar on his head, which he claims to have gotten from a labor strike at the plant years ago. There's a flashback to said strike, with Homer's colleagues all shouting for this noble cause (equitable treatment from management). Instead of doing the same thing, Homer is at the empty snack van, periodically smacking the counter with his fist.
Homer: [yelling] WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! [The awning falls down and crushes his head.] OWWW!
- Homer: Hired goons?
- After Marge explains to Homer that his co-workers' niceness is really them picking on him, an upset Homer claims that "first thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head!" Guess what happens in the next scene...
- "You can't treat the working man this way! Someday, we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we'll go too far, get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!"
- Mr. Burns reads a page from one of his many typing monkeys.
Mr. Burns: [reading] "It was the best of times. It was the blurst of times!" You stupid monkey!
- Mr. Burns ends the tour of his home:
Mr. Burns: And here's my basement.
Homer: It isn't as impressive as the rest of your house.
Mr. Burns: Yes, I really should stop ending the tour with it.
- Homer runs off to the bathroom in Mr. Burns' mansion ("23rd door on the left.")
Mr. Burns: Find the bathroom all right?
Homer: [eyes shifting slightly] Uhhhh...yeah.
- Homer mistakes Mr. Burns's negotiation tactics for coming onto him.
Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: [thinking] My God! He is coming onto me!
Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.
Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh! [aloud] Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans! Sure I'm flattered; maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!
- "Where was I? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time..."
- Mr. Burns agrees to the labor union's demand for keeping the dental plan, but Homer must resign as head of the union. Homer agrees by shouting "WOOHOO!", then proceeds to get on the floor and spins around in circles on his shoulder while shouting "WHOO woo-woo-woo woop-woop-woop" 4 times.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm beginning to think that Homer Simpson was not the brilliant tactician I thought he was.
77. - So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
- Bart's "April Fools' Day" prank on Homer involves Bart taking a can of Duff beer to a local hardware store and shaking it up in a paint can shaker. Then he places it in the refrigerator as it shakes around vigorously and waits for Homer to take it out and drink it. Bart becomes impatient with Homer so he turns up the temperature in the house. Being thirsty due to the heat, Homer goes to the refrigerator and takes out the very same can. As he opens it, Bart shouts "April Foo-" and the house explodes in a mushroom cloud.
- In a police car, Lou notices the mushroom cloud coming from the Simpsons' house (after the above events) and tells Chief Wiggum.
Lou: That explosion looks like it came from the Simpsons' place.
Chief Wiggum: Forget it, Lou. That's 4 blocks away.
Lou: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
Chief Wiggum: I am proceeding on foot. Call in a code 8. [exits the car]
Lou: [reporting on the radio] We need pretzels. Repeat: Pretzels! [Cut to Wiggum, running like hell to the Simpsons' place with a hungry expression on his face.]
- Various characters come visit Homer at the hospital.
78. - The Front
- Krusty insists on not mentioning his Jewish heritage on the air (despite that he introduced the audience to his rabbi father in "Like Father, Like Klown").
Lisa: It's so sad that Krusty is ashamed of his roots.
Homer: Marge, it happened again!
(Homer walks in with a plunger stuck to his head. He tries to pull it loose, but the handle comes off and he exits.)
Bart: What are you gonna change your name to when you grow up?
Lisa: Lois Sanborn.
Bart: Steve Bennett.
- Homer and Marge get ready to go to their Springfield High School reunion.
Homer: It'll be great to see the old gang: Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz.
Homer: No, they weren't all happy days, like the time Pinky Tuscadaro crashed her motorcycle, or the time I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back.
- "Homer's not here, man!"
- Homer didn't graduate as Marge thought, so he tells her the truth and completes the course he had not passed. The following conversation takes place as Homer gets his final exam.
Principal Dondelinger: This is your exam. It's a series of questions, answered True or False.
Principal Dondelinger: Eh, I was just describing the test, Homer.
Principal Dondelinger: Look, Homer, just do the test, and you'll be fine.
- Immediately after that, Homer discusses with his brain again.
Homer: All right, brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this so I can go back to killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal.
- Grampa Abe "checks" his underwear so he can tell Bart and Lisa his first name.
Lisa: Grampa, how'd you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Abe: I... don't... know!
- Grampa Abe dreams of being "Queen of the Old West".
- Roger Myers giving a tour to Bart and Lisa:
Roger Meyers, Jr.: Are you coming?
Abe: Any stairs?
Roger Meyers, Jr.: Just one.
Abe: Nuts to you! (resumes sleeping)
- When Abe describes to Homer his job of being paid to tell a cat and mouse what to do, Homer has an Imagine Spot of wheel-barrowing his gibbering dad to the nuthouse.
79. - Whacking Day
- The ceremony before "Whacking Day" commences has Mayor Quimby introducing a special guest.
Mayor Quimby: Ladies and gentlemen, Larry White!
Mayor Quimby: The card says "Larry."
Barry White: I think I know my own name.
Mayor Quimby: Oh yeah? Well, we'll see!
- Barry is shocked at finding out what Whacking Day is all about.
Barry White: You people make me sick! [crowd cheers] Are they even listening to me?
Mayor Quimby: My guess would be no.
- Grampa Abe tells a most insane war story where he poses as a German cabaret singer in Dusseldorf and flirts with Adolf Hitler. After the flashback, he admits that the only part of the story that was true was that he cross-dressed in the 1940s ("Oh, they had designers then!")
- Bart refers to Johnny Tremaine as Johnny Deformed after Marge tells Bart about how the protagonist got his hand deformed in an accident.
- Homer gives advice to Lisa on what to do about her feelings against Whacking Day: "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter, little ball, and release it at an appropriate time. Like that time I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. [in a baby voice] Remember that? When Daddy hit the referee."
- I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!
80. - Marge in Chains
- The Flanders family wonder how they got the flu. Ned recalls how he once laughed at an episode of Married... with Children.
- Lionel Hutz delivers his closing argument with no pants on — then commits jury tampering by submitting a cocktail napkin that still says "Guilty" on it...and he has the word misspelled.
- The aftermath of a bake sale makes the people of Springfield realise the consequences of putting Marge in jail.
Park Ranger: $15 short, exactly what Marge Simpson's marshmallow squares usually bring in. Can we still afford that statue of Lincoln?
Man: No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper.
- The statue the was purchased is unveiled to the townspeople.
Mayor Quimby: People of Springfield, I give you this statue of our 39th President, Jimmy Carter!
Man in Crowd: Oh, come on!
Second Man in Crowd: [points angrily] He's history's greatest monster!
- When Marge is released, the city presents her with a statue of "her" (which turns out to be the Jimmy Carter statue with her signature hairdo added to it), which the kids turn into a tetherball pole.
81. - Krusty Gets Kancelled
- Due to "The Itchy & Scratchy Show" going to the "Gabbo" show, Krusty shows a cartoon from Eastern Europe called "Worker and Parasite".
Krusty: [standing still dumbfounded and smoking a cigarette] What the hell was that?!
- Krusty begs Sideshow Mel to join him for his comeback (which then turns into a heartwarming moment).
Krusty: Ah, come on. You wanna spend your life hanging out with a bunch of dorky teenagers?
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, Mister. Whoops. It fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow-w-w! Ow-w-w!
Sideshow Mel: Sorry Krusty, I like it here. Mr. Johansen treats me with dignity.
Mr. Johansen: Is this clown bothering you, Mel?
Sideshow Mel: It's all right, Mr. Johansen, I'll handle it.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, sir.
Krusty: I don't want it!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me.
- Mayor Quimby is having a press conference about a money scandal and borrows Gabbo's catchphrase.
- The newspaper immediately following has the headline, "More Bodies Surface in Harbor."
- Bette Midler has a Disproportionate Retribution on highway litterers.
Snake: Oh, no! Bette Midler!
- Old Jewish Man: The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be...
- And now, The Crazy Old Man dancers...
- Krusty drinks a lot of milkshakes and becomes morbidly obese. Bart and Lisa find out.
Lisa: Krusty, what have you done to yourself?
Krusty: I wanted to get in shape so I've been drinking nothing but milkshakes.
Lisa: You mean those diet milkshakes?
- Krusty dismisses the Red Hot Chili Peppers' performance in their underwear as degrading...minutes before he has to dress up like a little kid from the early 19th century for a sketch. Hypocritical Humor at its finest.
- Luke Perry is shot out of a cannon. He crashes through jars of acid Apu had stacked (for some reason), he can be heard screaming, "My face! My valuable face!" Then Luke lands safely in a pillow factory... only to have it demolished while he's still inside.
82. - Homer's Barbershop Quartet
- The Be Sharps are performing at the Springfield Retirement Castle.
Abe: That's my son up there!
Old Jewish Man: What, the balding fatass?
Abe: Er... no, the Hindu guy.
- The group of singers is holding tryouts to replace Chief Wiggum. Homer decides he has had enough of putting up with his dad's audition.
Homer: Get off the stage!
Abe: I want to, but I can't!
- Apu is told by the group's agent, Nigel, that he needs to have his last name changed.
Apu: Oh, that is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my god. But okay!
- A reporter asking Apu (who had to change his last name to Beaumarchais for the group) if he is Hindu.
Apu: By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie.
- Homer meets George Harrison in the flashback.
Homer: [narrating] And then came the greatest moment of my life.
George: Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison.
Homer: Oh my God! OH MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie?!?
George: Over there, there's a big pile of them.
[Homer just spends the next 20 seconds shoving brownies into his mouth, without regarding George Harrison at all.]
George: [sincerely] Well, what a nice fella.
- Barney and his girlfriend record a song that supposedly sounds similar to the start of John Lennon's song "Revolution #9".
Number 8. [BELCH] Number 8. [BELCH] Number 8. [BELCH] Number 8. [BELCH] Number 8. [BELCH] Number 8. [BELCH] Number 8. [BELCH]
- "I'd like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat."
- And then Moe produces exactly that, without comment.
- George Harrison takes one look at the Be Sharps' rooftop concert and sums up the entire episode.
83. - Cape Feare
- The Simpson family looks through all of Sideshow Bob's threatening letters to Bart. Marge notices that one reading "I KILL YOU SCUM!" isn't written in blood. It turns out Homer wrote that after Bart somehow wrote the words "WIDE LOAD" on his butt. Marge, Lisa, Abe, and Nelson (who randomly appears at the kitchen window) all laugh about it.
- There's a brilliantly delivered Noodle Incident which occurs as Bart and Lisa try to figure out who is sending Bart letters written in blood.
Lisa: Bart, I just figured it out! Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
Bart: Linda Lavin?
Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it!
- "No one who speaks German could be an evil man..."
- Sideshow Bob and the Simpsons end up meeting each other by coincidence at a movie theater after he's granted parole.
Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
Bob: Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right...stay away...forever!
Homer: Oh, no!
Bob: Wait a minute. That's no good. [groans, leaves, then returns] Wait, I've got a good one now - Marge - say, "Stay away from my son!" again.
Marge: [annoyed] No. [Bob groans]
- Chief Wiggum glances over some other laws in a book.
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. [the camera pans over to some other cops doing just that] Boys, knock it off!
- Chief Wiggum informs Homer about a certain way the law works.
Chief Wiggum: Once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal.
Homer: Is that so? [leans head out window] Oh Flanders, won't you join me in my kitchen?
[Homer stands lying menacingly in wait behind a doorframe, pounding his fist into his other hand]
Chief Wiggum: Uhh, it doesn't work if you invite him. [Flanders arrives at that very moment]
Homer: Go home.
Ned: [turns right around] Doodely-doo!
- The Witness Relocation Program attempts to move the Simpsons to a new location.
Agent 1: Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. We'll give you a new name, a new job. New identities.
Homer: Ooh! I wanna be John Elway!
[dissolve to Homer's fantasy of playing for the Denver Broncos, also the only player in a leather helmet]
Announcer: Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown! Thanks to Elway's patented last second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX, Denver: 7 San Francisco: 56.
Homer: [back in the office] Woo-hoo!
- The discussion continues.
Agent 2: We have places your family can hide in peace and security. Cape Feare, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville...
Homer: Ooh! Ice Creamville!
Agent 2: Uh, no. Screamville.
- The Agents tell Homer he is now Homer Thompson and address him with that name.
Agent 1: Tell you what: From now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice for a bit. When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Homer sits at the table silently.] Remember now: Your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Again, Homer sits at the table silently]
[Agents 1 and 2 look at each other, there's a transition to much later where they've taken their jackets off, 2 is smoking, and the other Simpsons look exhausted.]
Agent 1: [exasperated] Now when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent 1: [while stomping repeatedly on Homer's foot] Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [looks at his foot, pauses, then leans back and whispers to Agent 2] I think he's talking to you.
- While getting ready to move, Homer accidentally locks Abe out of the house.
Abe: Hello! Helloooooo! You have my pills! Hellooooooo? I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
[howling is heard in the distance]
- Homer unknowingly torments Sideshow Bob as the family drive to their new home. Bob had strapped himself to the underside of the Simpsons' car, but couldn't plan on Homer's... unique style of driving.
Homer: [seeing a whole lot of cacti in the distance] Hey, kids? Who wants to drive through that cactus patch?
Sideshow Bob: [horrified] NO!
Homer: Oop! 2 against 1! [He turns and drives through the cacti, oblivious to Bob's moans and screaming in agony.]
- The highlight of Sideshow Bob's long and memorable existence:
- Bart discovers that Sideshow Bob has followed the family to Terror Lake.
- A separate elephant was used for the word "The".
- Bart is trying to fall asleep in the houseboat, but Homer scares him twice within a matter of seconds:
Homer: BART, YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!
Homer: BART, YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK!?
- Sideshow Bob bursts into Bart's bedroom.
Bob: Your family can't help you now!
[The entire family is shown tied up, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II. Homer is still asleep and drooling.]
Lisa: Oh no, dad's been drugged!
Marge: No, he hasn't.
- Chief Wiggum: Bake him away, toys.
- "It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel."
- As the Simpson family gets to go back home after Sideshow Bob is arrested (again), they see Abe standing outside the house, begging for the family to let him in so he can take his medication as he has turned into a woman (physically, as in, he grew breasts and a curvy body). Jasper (Grampa's on-again/off-again friend) offers the newly-feminized Grampa a date rather than have the family go in the house and get his meds.
84. - Homer Goes to College
- When the Nuclear Power Plant is having a meltdown, Mr. Burns gets in an escape pod and locks Smithers out.
Smithers: For the love of God sir, there are 2 seats!
Mr. Burns: [opens pod door and pokes his head out] I like to put my feet up. [closes door again]
- The escape pod malfunctions soon after takeoff, sending Mr. Burns crashing down the street.
- Homer: The bee bit my bottom, now my bottom's big!
- One of the inspectors is baffled about the work station simulation meltdown that Homer caused.
Inspector: I still don't understand how he caused the meltdown. There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck.
- Mr. Burns has a giant demon chair. He attempts to bludgeon a board member with a baseball bat and fails.
Board Member: What are you doing?
Mr. Burns: [already pained and struggling] I'm giving you the thrashing of your life.
Board Member: Stop that. If you wanted him that badly, why didn't you just say so?
- Lisa helps Homer apply to college.
Lisa: Dad, don't let these college essays get you down. Let's see: "List your 3 favorite books and how they've influenced your life".
Lisa: [flatly] No.
Homer: Son Of Sniglet?
Lisa: [flatly] No.
Homer: Katherine Hepburn's Me?
Lisa: [annoyed] No!
Homer: [moaning] Aw, I suck!
- Homer receives a letter in the mail which tells him he has been accepted into Springfield University.
- What adds to the scene is the fact that he's burning his house down while he sings this. Plus, it was actually a mistake on Dan Castellaneta's part that got thrown in.
- Homer laughs hysterically when the professor drops his notes.
- Homer learned everything he needs to know about college life from a cheesy Animal House ripoff movie called The School of Hard Knockers.
- Homer attempts to prank call the dean.
Homer: [in a badly disguised voice] Hello Dean, you're a stupid head!
Dean: [looks out the window and sees Homer on a pay phone] Homer, is that you?
Homer: [screams and runs away]
85. - Rosebud
- The opening scene shows guards outside Mr. Burns' mansion.
[Wizard of Oz-esque guards goose-step in sync with one another while chanting]
[Mr. Smithers pops his head out of the window, quietly and beratingly shushing the guards]
Guards: [whispering, on tiptoes] All we own, we oo-wwwe. All we own, we oo-wwwe!
- Smithers envisions what he would want for his birthday.
Smithers: The preparations for your birthday have begun.
Mr. Burns: I won't get what I want.
Smithers: No one does. [dreams about Mr. Burns bursting out of a cake wearing nothing but a sash singing "Happy birthday, Mr. Smithers..."]
- The Ramones perform "Happy Birthday" for Mr. Burns.
Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are gonna go far. Ladies and gentlemen, The Ramones. [applause]
Mr. Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours, Springfield!
Joey Ramone: 1-2-3-4! [punk rock music]
The Ramones: ♪ Happy Birthday to you! (Happy Birthday!) Happy Birthday to you! (Happy Birthday!) Happy Birthday, Burnsie! Happy Birthday TO YOU! ♪
Go to Hell
, you old bastard! [Mr. Burns looks shocked; the curtain closes]
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us.
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't...
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
- "This is all ''your'' fault!"
- Mr. Burns is trying to reclaim his long lost bear Bobo, which is now in Maggie's possession. Smithers and him use a zip-line from on top of the Flanders' roof to get inside the Simpsons' house.
Mr. Burns: Now remember, Smithers. We have to get in and out in exactly 60 seconds.
[climbs onto zip-line, kicks off....then gets stuck midway across. Transition to the next morning, and a rescue effort]
Marge: More cocoa, Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
- A second attempt to get the stuffed bear back involves Mr. Burns and Smithers climbing across the Simpsons' kitchen ceiling, at night, using suction cups. Homer walks in, oblivious to the 2 intruders, opens the fridge and pulls out a stack of processed cheese.
Homer: Mmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese. [He eats a slice of cheese.] 63. [He eats another.] 62.
[The scene transitions to morning; Homer is still sitting in the same place with a much smaller stack of cheese.]
Homer: [sounding very ill/sick/full] 2. [He eats the last slice.] 1.
[Marge walks in and sees Homer sat at the table; He now looks visibly ill.]
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind!
[Mr. Burns and Smithers fall off the ceiling, get up, and walk away.]
- Mr. Burns and Smithers take away TV and then feel the need to provide original programming.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm home! [canned laughter]
Smithers: What, already? [canned chuckle]
Mr. Burns: Yes. [loud canned laughter]
86. - Treehouse of Horror IVnote
A. - The Devil and Homer Simpson
- Homer tempts Devil Flanders by finding a loophole.
Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish that donut I own your soul.
Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, right?
Devil Flanders: Well, technically no...
Homer: [singsong] I'm smarter than the de-vil! I'm smarter than the de-vil!
Devil Flanders: [morphs from Flanders into Chernabog]
YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET,
HOMER SIMPSON! [he then shrinks and disappears]
B. - Terror at 5½ Feet
C. - Bart Simpson's Dracula
- In the opening, Bart narrates about a painting that was so terrifying they couldn't make a story out of it, so they just threw together something with vampires. And just what is that painting?
Homer: [shouts] They're dogs...and they're playing poker! [runs off screaming and completely insane]
- Mr. Burns is a vampire and invites the Simpson family to his castle in "Pennsylvania".
Mr. Burns: [over intercom] Come in, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Mr. Burns: Oh, son of a bi-
- If you watch Mr. Burns' shadow while he's talking to the family, you can see it pull out a yo-yo for a single second.
- Grampa Abe wants to kill Bart.
Abe: (runs into room with a stake) Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge: How'd you know Bart's a vampire?
Abe: He's a vampire? AAAH! [runs away]
- In the shot of the family after Bart turns into a bat and flies away, Maggie is shown waving good-bye to Bart. A mix of funny and adorable.
- Homer is told that he has to kill Mr. Burns in order for Bart to turn back to normal.
Homer: What? Kill my boss?! [thinking] Do I dare live out the American dream?
- Homer: Super Fun Happy Slide!
- Homer tries to kill Mr. Burns and is unsuccessful.
Lisa: Dad? That's his crotch.
- He drives a wooden stake through Mr. Burns' heart and he dies, only to come back to life and shout "You're fired!" before turning to dust.
- Marge reveals that she is the Head Vampire.
Lisa: Mom?! You're the Head Vampire?!
Marge: What? I do have a life outside of this house, you know?
87. - Marge on the Lam
- Homer's vision of ballet is of a bear wearing a fez hat while driving a small car in circles.
- At the end of the day, when Homer is about to go home and take Marge to the ballet as he promised her, he sees a vending machine and tries to pull a soda out of it, but gets his arm stuck in it. He tries to leave anyway, to honor his promise, but gets distracted by another vending machine, and gets his other arm stuck in it. Even then, he somehow manages to phone Marge, who unfortunately but obviously doesn't believe him.
- Marge notices smoke coming from her house's chimney. It turns out to be babysitter Lionel Hutz burning documents in the fireplace.
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal records?
Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
- Bart and Lisa wake up and realize that neither of their parents are home yet. Lisa points out that Lionel Hutz is still there to care for them. Lisa tries to wake him up. Hutz jumps with a start, brandishing a knife, and yelling, "Don't touch my stuff!" When he realizes where he is, he sheepishly laughs, "Hey, this isn't the YMCA."
- Kent Brockman: IT'S IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE!!! [a graphic stating "Please stand by" depicting Kent Brockman in a straitjacket with a cuckoo clock bird popping out of his head appears on the screen.]
- The epilogue reveals the fates of the major characters from the episode.
88. - Bart's Inner Child
- Homer reads the "Free Items" column in the newspaper and sees an advertisement for a free trampoline.
Homer: Oh my God!
Lisa: What is it?
Homer: TRAMAMPOLINE! TRABOPOLINE! [he runs off]
Bart: He said what, now?
- Jimbo and Kearney use Homer's car as a trampoline after Homer gets rid of the actual trampoline (either by leaving it in the desert note or letting Snake steal it note ).
- In Troy McClure's video, Troy can't read the cue cards correctly.
Troy McClure: That's right, it's the Brad Goodman [Squinting at cue-cards] something-or-other...
- Fridge Brilliance: We later learn in A Fish Called Selma that Troy McClure wears glasses and can't read anything without them.
- Brad Goodman uses an exercise at the seminar he hosts in the Springfield Community Center.
Brad: Now, listen to your inner child. What's he saying?
[camera pans to Ned Flanders]
Ned's Inner Child: Stay the course, Big Ned! You're doing super!
[camera pans to Homer]
Homer's Inner Child: Food goes in here!
Homer: It sure does!
[camera pans to Moe Szyslak]
Moe's Inner Child: [with heavy Italian accent] 'Ey, Moe, wassa matta, huh? Why you no talk wit you accent no mo?
Moe: [clapping hands on face in astonishment] Mamma Mia!
- Brad Goodman states that Bart doesn't repress his inner child, and that everyone should be like Bart. The scene cuts to Lisa with a dark look.
- People start fighting with each other at the "Do What You Feel" festival. Reverend Lovejoy believes it's happening because they had made a false idol out of Brad Goodman. Apu tells him that's not true, and the people turn on Bart.
Apu: You must not blame yourself, Reverend. It was that little boy's fault. He started it all.
Random Man: [talking about Bart] Let's get him!
Bart: Eeep. [he starts running and an angry mob of people chase him]
- At the end, the Simpson family is watching "McGarnagle", a show about a Cowboy Cop.
[The exterior shot of the house is seen with just the voices heard]
Chief: You're off the case McGarnagle!
McGarnagle: You're off your case chief!
Chief: What does that mean exactly?
Homer: [yelling] IT MEANS HE GETS RESULTS YOU STUPID CHIEF!!
Lisa: Dad, sit down.
89. - Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
- Marge leaves to go to the grocery store and tells Homer.
Marge: Homer, I have to go out to pick up something for dinner.
Marge: Money's too tight for steak.
Marge: [lying] Sure, steak.
- Homer loses the last peanut he was going to eat. Thinking it fell under the couch, he looks for it and pulls out a $20 bill.
Homer: [moans] Aww, $20? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Homer, $20 can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: [shouts] Woohoo!
[He turns around and slips on the peanut he was looking for, causing him to fall down. The $20 bill floats away outside the open window into the wind and Homer screams because he lost it.]
- Homer unknowingly passes by Bart and Milhouse who are covered in bubble gum.
Homer: Mmm...free goo.
- After the Disney Acid Sequence of a musical number, Barney Gumble (wearing a sailor suit) wakes up groaning in a pile of burlap sacks filled with baklava on a Greek ship in the middle of an ocean.
Barney: [realizing where he is] Uh-oh! Not again!
- Homer is sitting on the couch. Bart points out an error in an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.
Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.
[A second Homer walks past the window]
- Bart reads a book on pocket knife safety.
Bart: "Don't do what Donny Don't does." [sigh] They could have made this clearer.
- Bart walks into the living room wearing his Junior Camper uniform. Homer proceeds to poke fun at him.
Homer: How was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach you how to sing to trees? And make crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh? [The chair he is sitting in collapses.] D'oh! Stupid poetic justice.
90. - The Last Temptation of Homer
- Homer and Mindy are stuck in the elevator together. Homer tries his hardest to Think Unsexy Thoughts (which includes his sisters-in-law shaving their legs together in the bathroom and picturing Barney Gumble in a jumbo thong bikini drunkenly humming the I Dream of Jeannie theme). He fails at that (as he immediately pictures Mindy in a bikini blowing a kiss) and just jumps out of the elevator in mid-ascent.
- Also, it's weird how the elevator was somehow halfway up the cooling tower.
- Homer tries to talk about his problem to Moe without using his own name.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[A random man in Moe's Tavern runs out crying]
Barney: [yells]] Hey, wait! Joey Joe Joe!
- Homer, Carl, Lenny, and the factory worker Charlie fall unconscious in a trapped room of toxic gases and somehow get out alive.
- Homer is greeted by his guardian angel, who takes A Form You Are Comfortable With. Unfortunately, Homer doesn't recognise his preferred choice.
Newton: Homer, I'm your guardian angel. I've assumed the form of someone you'd recognise and revere: Sir Isaac Newton.
Homer: Sir Isa-who-who?
Newton: [sighs] Oh, very well [transforms]
Klink: I'm not actually Colonel Klink. I'm just assuming his form.
- Homer calls out to his guardian angel as the situation he is in gets worse.
Homer: Oh, this is the worst crisis my marriage has ever faced. COLONEL KLINK, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!
Klink: [appearing] What is it? Do you have a question?
Homer: Heh-heh, did you know Kinchloe had a radio in the coffee pot?
91. - $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
- Mr. Burns remembers a childhood memory when he repeatedly rammed an Irish worker with a bumper car, causing him to start laughing continuously over several hours (even while he's asleep).
Mr. Burns: [finally stops laughing] Now what was I laughing at again? [pause] Oh yes! That crippled Irishman! [bursts out laughing again]
- Homer wants to become a blackjack dealer.
Homer: It's been my lifelong dream to be a blackjack dealer!
[Footage from The Gong Show shows Homer and Barney in a giant pair of overalls playing an equally giant harmonica and dancing. They are getting booed, loudly, while one of the panelists violently and repeatedly rings the gong.]
Homer: [dejected] We got more gongs than the breakdancing robot that caught fire...
- A Deleted Scene involves Homer dealing a game of blackjack between James Bond and Ernst Blofeld.
Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. [Homer gives him a card] Joker? You were supposed to take those out of the deck.
Homer: Oh, sorry. [He deals another card]
Bond: What's this? "Rules for draw and stud poker"?
Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. [Jaws and Oddjob grab Bond]
Bond: But, I never lose!
It's Homer's fault! [Bond starts getting dragged away]
At least tell me your plans for world domination.
Blofeld: I'm not falling for that one again.
- Homer attempts to cook his own dinner by combining a full bottle of cloves, a similarly full bottle of Tom Collins mix, and a frozen pie crust. The expression on his face as he tastes it is unforgettable.
Homer: [in a VERY deadpan tone after eating his dinner] Let's go get mom...
- The boogeyman sequence.
Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but their may be a Boogie Man or Boogie MEN in the house!
- Homer sums up the situation to Lisa (who just described herself as a "monster" thanks to her Florida costume).
Homer: The only monster around here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws!
- Mr. Burns points a gun at Smithers as he forces him to get inside a small model airplane called the "Spruce Moose".
Mr. Burns: I said hop in......
- Made funnier by the fact that's their last scene in the episode.
- Homer breaks Marge's gambling machine.
Homer: [yells gibberish]
Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down!
Homer: [says the same gibberish slowly and clearly]
Marge: Think before you say each word.
- The rest of the dialogue manages to be both a Tear Jerker and one of these:
Homer: You broke a promise to your daughter.
Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed — she's such a little trooper.
- The costume contest results.
And special awards
go to the 2 students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph: I'm Idaho!
Skinner: Yes, of course you are.
92. - Homer the Vigilante
- The family wakes up and discovers that they have been burglarized.
Bart: Dad! We've been robbed!
Lisa: [shouting rapidly] Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!
Bart: And our portable TV!
Marge: And my necklace!
Homer: [nonchalantly] Eh, that's no big loss.
Marge: Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom.
Homer: Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of 'em.
Marge: [pulls a necklace from a huge wad of red pearl necklaces] Well, yes I do, but they're all heirlooms, too.
Bart: Burglar even took my stamp collection
Lisa: [in a mocking tone] You had a stamp collection?
Homer, Marge, & Lisa: Ha ha ha ha ha! [the phone rings, Bart picks it up]
Nelson: Stamp collection? Ha-ha!
- Homer attempts to use a megaphone designed for rappers.
Homer: [through Rap Master 3000] Move along there. [drives off]
Kid on street: [gasps] It's Hammer!
- Homer and members of the Vigilante (Moe, Apu, Principal Skinner, & Barney) are patrolling the street they're walking on and see a street musician who's playing a saxophone.
Homer: Hey, you! Where'd you get that saxophone?
Musician: [pause] Sears.
Homer: GET HIM! [They proceed in chasing the guy.]
- Homer and his vigilantes kick a man's burning leaf pile.
Homer: No burning leaves without a permit!
Man: I got one.
Homer: [as the group members and him run away] TOO LATE!
- At the dinner table, Homer tells Lisa what the Vigilante is doing.
Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas: Literacy programs. Preserving our beloved covered bridges. World domination.
Lisa: [beratingly] World domination?
Homer: [chuckling nervously] Eh, that might be a typo. [thinking] Mental note: the girl knows too much.
Lisa: If you're the police, who's going to police the police?
Homer: I 'unno. Coast Guard?
93. - Bart Gets Famous
- Homer answers the phone at work.
- Homer is informed Bart went missing from the box factory field trip (he ran away to the TV studio next door):
Homer: [grabbing Principal Skinner]
Whaddaya mean, you lost him? He might have fallen into one of these machines! [he notices Bart's hat on a box in the assembly line]
Oh, my God: that's his lucky red hat! He's a box! My boy's a box! [looking at the sky] DAMN YOU! A BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX!
- Bart steals a Danish from Kent Brockman and gives it to Krusty (who also wants one).
Krusty: Oh, great. Now where am I gonna get a Danish?
Bart: Here's a Danish, Krusty.
Krusty: [excited] Gimme, gimme, gimme. [chews] Now that's Danish. Where'd you get it?
Bart: I stole it from Kent Brockman.
Krusty: Great. [stops chewing] He didn't touch it, did he?
Krusty: [resumes chewing] Good job, kid. What's your name?
Krusty: Yeah, well what have you done for me lately?
Bart: I got you that Danish.
Krusty: And I'll never forget it.
- A flashback of Homer as a teenager shows him performing "Tighten Up" by Archie Bell and the Drells as part of a one-man band. He ends up getting attacked by an Italian organ grinder's monkey.
- Bart tries to show Nelson, Lewis, Milhouse and Martin his name in the credits for Krusty's TV show.
Milhouse: Looks more like Brad Storch.
Martin: No. It says Betty. Betty Symington.
Nelson: [punches Bart in the stomach] That's for taking credit for other people's work!
94. - Homer and Apu
- Homer confronts Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart after eating some rotten expired ham.
Homer: [enters the Kwik-E-Mart, saying to Apu] Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please accept 5 pounds of frozen shrimp. [lifts up a bucket and places it on the counter]
Homer: [picks up a shrimp and sniffs] This shrimp isn't frozen, and it smells funny!
Apu: [lifts up a second bucket] Okay, 10 pounds.
- Apu tries to square himself with Homer.
Homer: You're...selling what now?
Apu: I'm selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos! [slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.
- Homer finds out Apu is hanging around the house still wanting forgiveness.
Homer: Is he still out there?
Marge: Yes, he's raking the yard.
Homer: What?! That's your job! If he starts doing Lisa's wood-chopping...!
- Homer compares Lisa's shenai playing to an album that Grampa released. (Which, sadly, we don't get more information on, not even in later episodes.)
- James Woods curses a blue streak as he's scraping caked cheese off the microwave walls and arguing with his agent on the phone. Not even Family Guy could come up with anything that funny for James Woods.
95. - Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
- Grampa Abe rants about different things on the car ride home from the mall.
Why didn't you buy something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty. Eww, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one! [Homer parks the car and the other family members quickly pile out]
Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The President is a Demmycrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seatbelt! HELLO
! [honks car horn, despite being strapped in the backseat].
- Grampa Abe decides to go back into the work force and takes a job at a local Krusty Burger.
Abe: [wearing a headset and twiddling knobs on a control panel] Come in, come in...Mayday! I'm losing your transmission...
[A man is in his car outside, at the Krusty Burger drive-through. A line-up of cars is behind him.]
Man: [yells] I said "FRENCH FRIES!"
Abe: [surprised and uncertainly] What the...? Do we sell...French...fries?"
- Smithers turns on his computer to find some information about Stacy LaVelle for Lisa. A pixeled image of Mr. Burns (who is implied to be naked) shows up on the computer monitor.
Mr. Burns Image: Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on.
Smithers: Uhmmm, you probably should ignore that...
- Lisa enters Stacy LaVelle's mansion. A teenager comes rushing behind her, exclaiming, "All right! I've been waiting nine years to get my Frisbee back!" and retrieves his Frisbee. Before the show cuts to commercial, we see the Frisbee fly back into Stacy's yard and the boy groans in exasperation.
- Lisa rants to Bart about how girls will be affected by Mailbu Stacy's shallow morals and throws the Talking Malibu Stacy out the window. Grampa Abe is riding a bike in the street in an attempt to be young and carefree. The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bike, sending Grampa screaming into an open grave (with two grave diggers having lunch and not doing anything about the old man who just fell in the hole).
Abe: Hey...this ain't so bad...
- Grampa Abe decides to quit his job at Krusty Burger when he realizes the senior citizens are right to make complaints.
Abe: And one more thing! I never once washed my hands! That's your policy, not mine!
- The elderly diners lift Abe in victory — then promptly collapse because of their frailty.
96. - Deep Space Homer
97. - Homer Loves Flanders
- Ned Flanders offers Homer the other football game ticket he won in a radio contest. Homer slams the door in his face and starts complaining.
Homer: [yelling at the ceiling] Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
[Marge pries the waffle off of the ceiling. Homer catches it.]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but... [nom] ...Mmm, sacrilicious.
- Ned drives past Lenny and Carl in the football stadium parking lot. Homer doesn't want to be seen with Ned, so he pushes Ned down to hide him.
Lenny: Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars!
[The car crashes because Ned could not see where he was driving]
Carl: One of those American robot cars.
- Homer receives the game ball from Stan Taylor. At home, he removes the wedding picture of Marge and him of the mantle so the football can go in its place, then throws the picture and frame in a garbage can.
Marge: [takes the picture out of the trash] Homer, that's our wedding photo.
Homer: Oh Marge, quit living in the past.
98. - Bart Gets an Elephant
- The Simpsons' house is very filthy and Marge prevents Bart, Homer, and Lisa from doing anything else until it's clean. She instructs each of them to choose a place they want to clean.
Homer: I CALL THE BASEMENT!
Bart, Marge, and Lisa: [reluctantly, in unison] Fine!
Homer: D'oh? [opens the basement door and sees a big mess] D'oh!
- In the basement, Homer gets high off the cleaner fumes (after not heeding to the warning, "Use only in well-ventilated area") and imagines all of the cleaner bottle mascots (the Turtle Wax turtle, Mr. Clean, the Scrubbing Bubbles) attacking him.
- Radio DJs Bill and Marty attempt to dissuade Bart from wanting the elephant gag prize.
Marty: We think we know how your mind works, Bart. So how about this: we pay your principal $10,000 to pull down his pants and keep them down for the rest of the school year, ha ha!
Skinner: [deadpan] I'll do it, Bart.
Bill: OK, OK...what if we use the $10,000 to, er, surgically transform Skinner here into, er...some kind of a lobster-like creature?
- Bart and Homer are tossed out of the radio station because Bart demands an elephant. Homer says "Whee!" as he is thrown outside. Bart starts shouting loud enough outside the station to be heard over the airwaves.
Bart: [on the radio] Where's my elephant?!
Abe: Hey, they're playing The Elephant Song.
Jasper: I like this song. It reminds me of elephants.
- Kent Brockman reports on what happened to Bart.
Kent: So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives: "Where's my elephant?" I know that's what I've been asking.
- Stampy uses his trunk to send a young boy flying a small distance in the backyard. Homer then demands payment from the boy's mother.
Homer: Your kid flew 10 feet. That counts as a ride. 2 bucks.
- Lisa blames Mr. Blackheart the ivory dealer for Bart and Stampy's disappearance. Homer becomes mad.
- A peanut factory foreman sees Stampy approaching the building.
- Homer hits a deer statue with his car.
Lisa: A deer!
- Homer is pulled out of the Tar Pits.
Homer: I'm saved! And I owe it all to this feisty feline....
Lisa: Dad, a feline is a cat.
Homer: Elephant. It's an elephant, honey. And I'm sure he'll make a grand piano.
99. - Burns' Heir
- Waylon Smithers has a bump in the road with the infatuation he has for his boss.
Mr. Burns: [sadly] Smithers, I just realized... I have no one to leave my legacy to. [Smithers clears his throat] You? (laughs) Oh, no my dear Smithers. I have a much greater reward in store for you. When I pass on, you shall be buried alive with me. [shows a diorama of the grisly plan, complete with screaming model Smithers]
Smithers: ...Oh — goody.
- Mr. Burns holds auditions for a young man suitable enough to inherit his vast fortune.
Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love.
Mr. Burns: I specifically said, "No geeks!"
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool.
Mr. Burns: Next.
Nelson: [demanding] Gimme your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
Mr. Burns: Oh, I like his energy. Put him on the call back list.
Martin: [singing] ♪ Clang, clang, clang went the trolley / Ring, ring, ring went the bell / Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings... / Oooh! ♪ [Nelson punches him]
Mr. Burns. Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
- Homer demands Bart to leave Mr. Burns' mansion and come home.
Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
[Bart, Mr. Burns, and Smithers retreat inside. Homer runs to the door and tries to open it.]
Homer: He locked the door! I'll show him! [He rings the doorbell and runs away.]
- (There's something about the sheer incredulity in Homer's voice when he says "He locked the door!", as if it's something really unusual.)
- There's an alternate/deleted scene for Homer at Mr. Burns' mansion when he demands Bart to come home. (It was first shown on the "138 Episode Spectacular" clip show in Season 7.)
Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead, do your worst!
Mr. Burns: My worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Robo-Simmons: [accosting Homer] Come on, big boy! Shake the butter off those buns!
[A speaker juts out the side of its head, and starts blasting a song by KC and the Sunshine Band called "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty". After about 5 seconds of this, Homer screams in fear and runs away.]
Mr. Burns: [shooing Bart away] Smithers, it's out of control!
[Smithers fires a shot at the Robo-Simmons' head, leaving a huge hole...which then morphs back into place T-1000-style. The recording breaks down, then plays at many times the original place, as the robot shakes violently.]
[They all scream and run back into the house. The robot then explodes, its severed head landing near the gates of Burns Manor.]
- Arguably the best part of that scene is how the way Mr. Burns says "The robotic Richard Simmons" indicates that he has other versions of robot Richard Simmons waiting to be unleashed.
- Homer: Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is, never try!
- Homer: Lisa, stop getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas!
- Homer: That's it! Abusing your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room!
- Mr. Burns hires actors to play the rest of Bart's family so he can convince Bart to stay. He has to flip through the script to tell the fake Homer what his line is supposed to be because it was incorrect.
- Marge wants Hans Moleman (posing as Bart) out of the house. Homer kisses him on the forehead and says it's "like kissing a peanut".
100. - Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
- Groundskeeper Willie has to catch Santa's Little Helper in the air ducts of Springfield Elementary school.
Willie: Lunchlady Doris...have ye got any grease?
Doris: [flatly] Yes. Yes we do.
Willie: [tears off his shirt] THEN GREASE ME UP, WOMAN!
Doris: [still flatly] ...Okey-dokey.
- Willie: There's nae an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!
- Apu rants to Principal Skinner about his novel idea which he calls Billy & The Clonesaurus.
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through...[cut to later, and Apu is still ranting]...it was on the bestseller list for 18 months! Every magazine cover had...[cut again to later still]...one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I mean, thank you, come again.
101. - The Boy Who Knew Too Much
- As Bart is walking down the street, he sees Homer and Homer spots him. Both of them gasp and hide behind a wall.
Bart: I can't let Dad see me playing hooky.
Homer: I can't let the boy see me skipping work.
[Bart brushes his hair forward; Homer uses a comb as a mustache]
Bart: [walking past] Good afternoon.
Homer: [walking past] How do you do, sir?
Bart & Homer: [chuckle] Sucker...
- Principal Skinner is pursuing a truant Bart (who ditched school), and walks straight through a river.
- At Freddie Quimby's trial, Homer (on jury duty) knows Bart can somehow read his thoughts, and then goes into the Meow Mix jingle.
- Freddy Quimby's trial is going smoothly until Freddy believes his lawyer mispronounces a certain word.
Lawyer: Even though I've proven Freddy Quimby's innocence already, I will call him to the stand so we can all bask in his gentle decency. [Freddy takes the stand] Mr. Quimby, you're not a violent man, are you?
No, I love every living thing on God's green earth.
Lawyer: Well then, you'd certainly never become incensed over something as trivial as the pronouncement of "chowder"?
- Lionel Hutz has Dr. Hibbert on the stand for use as testimony against Freddy Quimby. He doesn't understand what he says afterward.
Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to prove to you not only that Freddy Quimby is guilty, but that he is also innocent of not being guilty. I refer you to my expert witness, Dr. Hibbert.
Dr. Hibbert: Well, only one in two million people has what we call the "evil gene". Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and... Freddy Quimby has it.
Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge Snyder: You rest your case?
Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.
- At the hotel, Homer watches Free Willy on the television.
Homer: Jump, Free Willy. Jump! Jump with all your might!
[On the TV, Willy jumps over a rock barrier as a little boy smiles, but a shadow looms on his face and the smile turns to fear; the boy gets crushed by the whale.]
Woman on TV: Oh, no. Willy didn't make it. And he crushed our boy!
Man on TV: Ew. What a mess.
Homer: Ohh, I don't like this new director's cut.
102. - Lady Bouvier's Lover
- Mr. Burns is smitten with Marge's mother.
Mr. Burns: I'm in love!
Smithers: [flatly] Whoop-de-do, sir.
Mr. Burns: Yes, whoop-de-do! Whoop-de-do to the world! Whoop-de-do, Mr. Florist! Whoop-de-do, Mr. Physical Trainer! Whoop-de-do, Mr. President!
Mr. Burns: Whoop-de-do, Tarantula Town! [talks into the Nuclear Plant's speaker system] Whoop-de-do, employees! Everyone that's found true love may leave early today!
[Homer and a bunch of excited employees run off, leaving one sad worker by himself.]
103. - Secrets of a Successful Marriage
- Carl tells Homer that he's slow. By the time he's processed what he's just heard, a few hours have passed.
Homer's Brain: Something said, not good! "Don't yell at Homer?" No, that's okay... [gasp] Slow! Carl thinks we're slow.
Homer: HEY! I... huh? [He finds that it's now late at night and everyone is gone. Lenny walks in.]
Lenny: Homer? You're still here? Wow, you are slow!
Homer's Brain: Something said, not good...!
Lenny: Get the hell out!
- Homer tries to liken a good marriage to eating an orange.
Willie: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I would've taken the orange-eatin' class.
[cut to said class]
Moleman: The eating of an orange is like a good marriage.
Abe: Just eat the damn oranges.
- Homer chats with the Krusty Burger order box — which, in the city of Springfield, is a felony offense.
- Marge doesn't like Homer telling his class secrets about their marriage. He tries to defend it.
Marge: [yanks Homer's collar; yells] Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again!
Homer: [sheepishly] Yes, ma'am.
- Lisa encounters Homer's fake version of Marge he made out of a tall plant and a paper plate stuck to it for her face.
Homer: Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. KIIIIISS her! [The plant falls out of the treehouse and smashes] Aah! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! All right, let's get our stories straight — she tripped, right?
Lisa: ...Look, I brought you some rice pudding.
- Homer asks his brain for advice on winning Marge back.
Homer's Brain: [rapidly] Eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding.
- Homer: [to Marge] That's it! I've found out what I can give you that no one else can: Complete and utter dependence!
104. - Bart of Darkness
- Springfield is being affected by a heat wave.
- Hans Moleman stares at the sun. His Coke bottle glasses concentrate the sun rays and set him on fire, burning him similar to what a magnifying glass does to an ant.
- Principal Skinner complains that he's up to his knees in the original cast of M*A*S*H. (He is in a wax museum that apparently had fresh wax figures that weren't dried yet or their wasn't any means of keeping the figures from melting.)
- A hippie makes the mistake of singing John Denver's "Sunshine on My Shoulders" and is punched by a random guy (who looks like the one that insulted Barney Gumble when Barney was dressed up as the Lullabuy$ baby).
- Bart and Lisa nag Homer for a swimming pool in their backyard.
Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...
Bart & Lisa: [rapidly, in unison] Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad?
Bart: Can we- [Lisa stops him]
Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
- The Simpson family's first attempt at building a backyard pool turns into a large barn being built.
Homer: All right! Everybody in the pool!
Random Amish Man: Tis a fine barn, but it sure ain't no pool, English.
- Homer and Marge are skinny dipping. A police helicopter flies over.
Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Aw, c'mon. Continue! C'mon! [Beat]
All right, Lou, open fire.
- Bart: There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?! You go now.
- Lisa is trapped in the pool after everyone gets out to go swim at Martin's pool.
Lisa: Huh? Hello? Hey, I'm stuck in here! I gotta think of a way to get out!
Lisa's Brain: Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back.
- Ned Flanders was mistaken for murdering his wife Maude. Homer doesn't realize Maude is right there with the others.
Homer: There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife!
Maude: Um, I'm right here.
Oh, I see! So then I guess everything's all wrapped up in a neat little package! [Beat]
Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic!
105. - Lisa's Rival
- Lisa's class is taking a test.
Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number nine?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pause] My cat's name is Mittens.
- Marge and Lisa agree about their food tasting weird. Homer tells them why it does.
Marge: Homer, I really appreciate you making dinner, but this food tastes a little strange.
Lisa: It hurts my teeth.
Homer: That's because I've loaded it with sugar! [holds up a bag containing "Farmer Homer's Sweet Sweet Sugar"] Marge, our ship has come in! I found 500 pounds of sugar in the forest that I'm going to sell directly to the consumer! All for a low, low price of $1 per pound.
Marge: But the grocery store sells sugar for 35 cents a pound.
Lisa: And it doesn't have nails and broken glass in it.
Homer: Those are prizes! [eats a mouthful, then takes something out of his mouth] Ooh, a blasting cap.
- Marge wants Homer to get rid of the sugar pile. Homer gives her reasons for why he won't do it.
Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
- Some bees find their way to Homer's sugar pile and start eating it. Homer tries to shoo them away and he gets stung by them.
Homer: OW!! AHHHH! They're defending themselves somehow!
- The beekeepers find out their bees were attracted to Homer's sugar pile. For whatever reason, they're modeled after Adam West and Burt Ward as Batman and Robin.
Beekeeper #1: Simpson, you diabolical...
106. - Another Simpsons Clip Show
- Marge tells Homer that he spent his Saturday drinking beer in Maggie's kiddie pool instead of working all day at the nuclear plant.
- Homer throws Marge's copy of The Bridges of Madison County into a fireplace that magically appeared in the bedroom (it was actually recycled footage from "Dog of Death").
- The DVD commentary for the episode. Since it was a clip show and a little thin on humor and actual plot, the writers used the commentary time to go over how a Simpsons episode is created from start to finish. After an exhaustive cataloging of the tremendous amount of work that goes into each one, David Mirkin notes that the process isn't truly complete until the fans label it the worst episode ever (even if the episode is considered one of the classics).
107. - Itchy and Scratchy Land
- Marge leaves Grampa Abe some instruction on how to take care of the household pets while they are on vacation.
Marge: [to Abe] And remember, every morning give one bowl of Kibble to Santa's Little Helper. Do you want me to write any of this down?
Abe: No! I ain't senile, dad-blast it.
Marge: OK, bye-bye.
Lisa: Bye, Grampa! [Homer drives the car away]
Abe: Wait a minute! What was that last thing you said? "Grampa's Little Helper"...what's that? [looks to the animals] Which one of you is the mailman?
[The animals roll their eyes slowly towards one another.]
- Homer and Marge go to a 70s nostalgia bar. Marge notes how the bartender looks like John Travolta. The bartender, who is indeed Travolta, mutters "Yeah, looks like."
- Some people would say it's even funnier considering he would make his comeback with Pulp Fiction right around this episode's original airdate.
- Bart and Lisa view an Itchy & Scratchy short where Itchy is "Pinitchio".
Scratchy (Geppetto): Now you be-a good, Pinitchio. And don't-a you lie.
[Pinitchio's nose grows and skewers one of Scratchy's eyes out.]
Scratchy (Geppetto): OUCH-A!
- Bart and Lisa check out what is for sale at the gift shop.
Bart: Cool...personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"..."Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
Boy: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.
- The vacation starts turning into hell for the Simpson family.
Marge: [to clerk] I want all 5 T-shirts to say "Best Family Vacation Ever!".
P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! Your son has been arrested.
Female Shopper: I'd be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy's mother...
P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.
[Marge groans more]
- As Lisa and Marge go to get Homer and Bart, a park employee reports that all the Bort license plates have been bought in the gift shop.
- This led to defictionalization, as the Universal Studios theme parks sell Bort key-chains. And yes, they frequently sell out.
- Lisa and Marge arrive at the jail cell with Homer and Bart inside.
Marge: Oh, I'm so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.
Guard: [German accent] OK, throw her in the hole.
Marge: Oh, please: it was just a figure of speech!
- Professor Frink believes his math is correct, but he ends up tempting fate.
- The Simpson family is left to deal with an army of killer Itchy & Scratchy robots. As they use flash photography to stop the robots, Homer attempts to imitate Bart channeling his inner movie action hero.
Homer: Die bad robots! Die! [laughs] With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.
108. - Sideshow Bob Roberts
- Marge gets rid of Bart's fireworks, believing that they're for a prank.
Bart: [condescending tone] Well, um, I'm doing a school project on, er, fireworks. [displays a bundle]
Marge: Mmm...Bart, I wish you wouldn't lie like that. [takes the bundle, douses it in sink, and throws it away]
[Cut to Springfield Elementary School]
Skinner: And now, as a special sendoff and a way to say "Gong Hei Fat Choy" to our visiting Chinese principals, Bart Simpson has promised us a fireworks display. [He motions to Bart; Bart looks at Mrs. Krabappel and she groans as she gives him an "F".]
Principal #1: All week, he promise big firework display.
Principal #2: Bad student.
Principal #1: Uh-uh...bad principal.
- When Sideshow Bob is released from jail, he falls into the water because the prison is established on an island.
Guard: Boat's on the other side!
Bob: Yes, thank you.
- The local Republicans meet at Castle Dracula and start off every meeting with Ominous Latin Chanting. Then they select a new mayoral candidate, which happens to be Sideshow Bob.
Barlow: If you'll just open that door, you'll see the next mayor of Springfield.
[The door opens to reveal a water cooler; everyone applauds. The cooler bubbles.]
Senator: What'd it say?
Barlow: No, no, no, Bob. Bob, come in!
Bob: A fine "Mahoke" to you all.
Dr. Hibbert: Why, he's even better!
Rainier: I agree. I like the human touch.
- Jimbo Jones bums bumper stickers off Bart and Lisa. He covers Milhouse in a bunch of them, puts him in a shopping cart, and rolls him down a hill.
Jimbo: All right! The mummy's ready for his mystical journey!
- Bob: That was a big mistake, Bart. No child has ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it.
- Sideshow Bob kicks Bart out of his limo. Next, Homer gets kicked out of a car with the Archie gang - "Duhh, stay outta Riverdale!". Noodle incidentary at it's finest!
- The Springfield voters can be pretty stupid.
- Homer is shown inside a voting booth, reading a pamphlet.
Homer: Hmm, I don't approve of his Bart killing policy. But I do approve of his Selma killing policy. [pulls lever]
- After him there's a cut to Krusty in the voting booth.
Krusty: He did frame me for armed robbery, but man, I'm aching for that upper-class tax cut. [pulls lever]
- The Simpsons family gets a rude awakening due to an earthquake-like rumble.
Homer: Aaaaahhhh! It's the rapture! Quick, get Bart out of the house before God comes! [he runs outside and sees Mayor Sideshow Bob]
Bob: So sorry, Mr. Simpson. Your house is blocking construction for our new Matlock Expressway. [A big bridge is seen under construction above the Simpsons residence and other surrounding houses.] However, I an a fair man. You will have 72 hours to vacate. At that time, we will blow up your house and any remaining Simpsons.
Marge: Homer, we have to stop these guys!
Homer: I know what you're up to, Mayor Terwiggiger. And no one in my family is gonna stand for it!
[A honking sound is heard on the bridge where Grampa Abe is driving a car.]
Grampa: Move your darn house, son!
- Bart and Lisa are told to meet a mysterious man in a parking garage, as he has information to give them.
Lisa: This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein.
Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie comics.
Homer: [reading the comic and grumbling] Stuck-up Riverdale punks. Think they're too good for me.
- Bart And Lisa finding out Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper apparently voted for Bob. The Bopper's tombstone has a figure of him holding a telephone with "GOOOOODBYE, BABY!" inscribed under it.
- There's a decent A Few Good Men parody between Bart and Sideshow Bob in court.
Bob: What do you want?
Bart: We want the truth!
Bob: You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!
- Sideshow Bob's gives a political satire speech in court.
Bob: You need me, Springfield! Your guilty consciences may force you to vote Democratic, but secretly you yearn for a cold-hearted Republican who’ll cut taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! That's why I did this! To protect you from yourselves!
109. - Treehouse of Horror Vnote
A. - The Shinning
- The Simpson family is driving to Mr. Burns' lodge.
[The title card says "Tuesday", then cut to the family in the car]
Homer: Well, it's been a long trip, but we're almost there.
Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
[Cut to title card that says "Wednesday", then back to the family]
Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're almost there again.
Marge: Homer, when you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?
[cut to title card that says "Thursday", then back to the now tired family, only this time, Grampa Abe is missing]
Lisa: [gasps] Oh no! We left Grampa back at the gas station! [dead silence] What about Grampa?
- Bart uses a chainsaw to saw his way out of a hedge maze. Groundskeeper Willie finds out Bart has the Shinning and advises him when to use it.
Bart: Hey! I found a shortcut through your hedge maze.
Willie: Why you little- [thinking] No, no, go easy on the wee one. His father's going to go crazy and chop 'em all into Haggis!
Bart: What's Haggis?
Willy: [gasps] Boy...you read my thoughts! You've got the Shinning.
Bart: You mean "Shining".
Shhh! You wanna get sued
? Now look, boy: if your da goes gaga, you just use that... "Shin" of yours to call me and I'll come a runnin'. But don't be reading my mind between 4 and 5. That's Willie's time!
- Marge discovers a phrase written on the walls: "NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY"
Homer: [eerily calm] So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking of something along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Homer" something something.
Marge: [nervous] Go crazy?
Homer: [hysterically] Don't mind if I do! [goes on a wacky rant]
[Marge screams and smashes open a case labeled "Break glass in case of spousal insanity" and grabs the baseball bat within.]
Marge: Stay away from me, Homer!
Homer: [chases Marge up some stairs] Give me the bat, Marge. Gimme the bat. Gimme the bat. Come on. Gimme the bat. Gimme the bat! [says random words and makes a scary face] Ha ha ha! Scaredy cat! [makes another scary face] Bleaahhh... [sees himself in a mirror] AAAAAHH! [falls down the stairs, knocking himself out; Marge leaves his unconscious body locked in a pantry]
- Homer: "Can't murder now. Eating."
- As the rest of the family is eating dinner, Homer has been dragged out of the food pantry and he starts chopping down doors with an axe.
[Homer chops through a door with an axe]
Homer: Heeeere's Johnny! [the camera pulls back to reveal an empty room] D'oh!
[Homer chops through a second door]
Homer: Daaaaavid Letterman! [Grampa Abe is seen, despite that the family left him at the gas station in the beginning, it's snowing, and him known for being senile]
Abe: Hi David, I'm Grampa!
[Homer chops through a third door]
Homer: [holding a ticking stopwatch]
I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!
Family: Aah! [they get up and start running]
- Groundskeeper Willie dies from being axed in the back by psychopathic Homer.
Willie: I'm coming to rescue the lot of you! [opens door to lodge] All right, loony: show me what you got!
[Homer drives an axe into his back]
Willie: Ack! Is that the best you can do? [collapses to the floor]
- Homer sees the hand held TV Lisa finds in the snow.
Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover... Urge to kill fading...fading...fading...RISING!...fading...fading...gone.
- The family becomes frozen from sitting in the cold snow and is forced to watch the Tony Awards, hosted by Tyne Daly, as "One" from A Chorus Line is performed.
Homer: Urge to kill rising.
B. - Time and Punishment
- Homer's hand gets stuck in the toaster. TWICE.
- Homer thinks back to his father warning him about the Butterfly Effect on his wedding day: not to touch anything when in the distant past (in this case, prehistoric times).
- Homer goes back in time to change Earth from being run by Ned Flanders. A stereotypical Darwin fish crawls out of a lake and he absently squashes it.
Homer: Oh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish...
- Homer accidentally sneezes... and starts a chain reaction that ends with all the dinosaurs dead.
- What really sells this is all the dinosaurs are literally standing in a perfect line, dying one after another as Homer looks on.
- Homer arrives back in the present with the time machine toaster. The house has been transformed into a luxurious estate.
Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?
Homer: Hmm. Fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan. Woohoo! I hit the jackpot! [he sits down at the table, trying to sound like a rich gentleman] Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What's a donut?
[Homer screams like a crazy man and runs back to the time machine. Marge looks out the window and sees donuts falling from the sky.]
Marge: [nonchalantly] Hmph. It's raining again.
- No thanks to his love of donuts and leaving too soon, Homer paradoxically throws away paradise.
- Immediately afterwards, Homer goes back to prehistoric times and smashes stuff.
Homer: Don't touch anything?! I'll touch whatever I feel like! [He begins beating every animal and tree with a wooden club. He stomps on one small animal, but the topper is when he punches a huge prehistoric mosquito before beating it with his club.]
- Groundskeeper Willie dies again in a Sound of Thunder spoof.
Willie: You're still not in your own world, Homer! I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I... [Maggie drives an axe into his back] Argh! [collapses]
C. - Nightmare Cafeteria
- Groundskeeper Willie gets a third axe in the back death.
Hang on, kids! I'm comin' to rescue the lot of ya! I'll- [Principal Skinner puts an axe in his back] Ach, I'm bad at this. [collapses]
- It turns out this segment was simply a bad dream of Bart's. He's safe with his family from everything... except the fog that turns people inside-out seeps into his bedroom. After they're turned inside-out, the Simpson family sings a demented version of "One".
Simpson Family: ♪ One! — chorus line of people, dancing till they make us stop
Willie: [also inside-out] Too!
Everyone ...many dancing people, covered with blood, gore, and glop. Just one sniff of that fog and you're inside out: It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you're read about! Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in. The family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine. Happy Halloween! ♪
110. - Bart's Girlfriend
- Groundskeeper Willie goes on about the history of the kilt before Bart pranks him.
Willie: Now the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle, we donned a full-length ballgown covered with sequins! The idea was to blind your enemies with lighting.
[Bart then ties balloons to Willie's kilt, with the audience reacting with disgust at what lies under]
Willie: Ahh, 'tis no more than what God gave me, you Puritan pukes.
- After Jessica and Bart (unwillingly) pull the Springfield Elementary fire alarm, panic ensues, though Groundskeeper Willie has one concern.
Willie: If I don' save the wee tur'les, who will?! [He kicks open a door to a lab and rushes in. Moments later, he runs back out, with turtles biting him all over] Gah! Save me from the wee tur'les! They were too quick for me!
- Marge notices Bart's behavior is different and talks to Homer about it.
Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No...he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.
- Homer putting in a coupon for 30 cents off Shake 'n Bake in the church collection plate.
Marge: 30 cents off Shake N' Bake? Homer!
Homer: We can spare it, Marge. We've been blessed.
- Bart skates over a sunflower seed carried by an ant and falls down the hill.
- What really sells this is that a seed is what stops him after everything he went through. This was not only an extremely steep hill, but there was a crashed and spilled gravel truck, a crashed and spilled ball bearings truck, and then a glue truck which subverts the previous 2 vehicles.
Driver 1: Is the glue coming out?
Driver 2: Nah, that glue ain't going nowhere. [Bart zips past them]
- A battered Bart lands at the bottom of the hill.
Driver 2: Oh no! There goes the glue after all!
[Bart turns to see a tidal wave of glue heading toward him, and is completely covered by it]
- Bart hears angelic singing, which he thinks is Jessica.
Lisa: Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat!
Bart: Oh, Lise. She's already drawing me to her beautiful siren song...[runs into the church]
Ned Flanders: [singing falsetto]
Bart: [shudders] That's very disturbing...
- Genius Bonus: The song Flanders is singing is J.S. Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring".
- After Jessica steals the collection money, leaving Bart to take the blame, he quickly bolts, leaping out of an open window.
Homer: [AFTER Bart escapes] Stop him! He's headed for the window!
111. - Lisa On Ice
- Principal Skinner speaks over the PA system to the students.
- SNPP.com added the perfect observation: "Memorial? Butthead's dead?"
- Dolph writes "Beat up Martin" into his Apple Newton (an early 1990s digital note-taker that was notorious for mistranslating what people write), only for the phrase to be misprinted as "Eat up Martha".
- Ralph Wiggum is called forward to receive an academic alert.
Skinner: [announcing to students in auditorium] All right, first academic alert. Wiggum, Ralph.
Ralph: I won, I won! [he happily walks up to receive one]
Skinner: No, no, Ralph. This means you're failing English.
- Chief Wiggum: We won! We won! But uh, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going for pizza.
- Lisa worries that failing gym is going to haunt her. A futuristic vision shows Lisa being inaugurated in as President of the United States.
Supreme Court Justice: I now pronounce you President of these United —
Reporter: Stop the inauguration! I just discovered our President-Elect got an F in second grade gym class!
[crowd gasps; Lisa is handcuffed]
Justice: [to Lisa] In that case, I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island! Don't worry, it's just a name.
[Later, Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters]
Lisa: He said it was just a name!
Man: What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!
- Lisa tries out for volleyball. Instead of catching the ball, one of the points on her hair pops it. The coach has this to say:
Coach: Children, that was our only ball. There'll be no team this year.
- Homer allows Lisa to ride in the passenger seat of his car.
Homer: Okay, little buddy, hop in!
[Bart steps forward]
Homer: Ah bah! I mean my little girl buddy.
Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent, competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love.
Homer: Okay, hon.
[Lisa gets into the car]
Homer: Sucker! Competitive violence! That's why you're here!
- Bart fails to be a scholar due to him being a slacker in school all his life and irritating Mrs. Krabappel. Jimbo, Kearney, and Nelson restrain Bart to the ground.
Nelson: [beating up Bart] This is for wasting teacher's valuable time!
Lisa: [punches Jimbo, pulls his shirt halfway over his head] Lay off, guys! He's with me.
[Kearney and Nelson back away. Jimbo also backs away partially due to him being Lisa's teammate.]
Jimbo: [pointing to Bart] It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother!
- The success Lisa has in hockey begins to make Bart jealous.
Bart: [sarcastically] Hello, Queen Lisa.
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing in my room?
Bart: Lisa, certain differences, rivalries, if you will, have come up between us. At first I thought we could talk it over like civilized people. But instead, I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny! [Holds up a headless stuffed rabbit in one hand, its head in the other hand.]
Lisa: Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.
Homer: [from downstairs] Quiet down, Bart!
Lisa: Bart, just get outta here.
Bart: Hey: it's a free country. You get out.
Lisa: That doesn't make sense.
Bart: I know you are, but what am I?
Lisa: Get out, get out!
Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this. [windmills arms] If you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. [kicks] And if any part of you should fill that air, [kicks] it's your own fault.
- They walk towards each other, then start fighting. In the kitchen, Marge overhears Bart and Lisa's yells as she's taking a pie out of the oven.
Marge: Oh, I better go check that out. [to Homer] Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!
Homer: Okay... [Marge leaves] All right, pie, I'm just gonna do this. [chomps air 3 times] And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! [walks towards the pie, chomps air 5 times, and his head hits the range head] Ow! Oh, my... aw, the hell with it. [grabs the pie and eats it, chewing noisily]
- At the hockey game between Bart's team and Lisa's team, Homer asks Marge which kid she likes best.
Homer: Now that we’re all alone, Marge, admit it, you like Lisa best.
Homer: Oh, so you’re a Bart-woman are you?!
Homer: Well you can’t possible like Maggie best. What has she ever done? Nothin’ for nobody!
[Maggie jumps up to intercept a beer bottle flying at Homer's head.]
- Snake reacts to Bart and Lisa hugging.
Those 2 are, like, so sweet. If only they'd had peewee hockey when I was a lad. [Beat]
Oh well. [Picks up crowbar and uses it to start tearing the stadium seats apart]
112. - Homer Badman
- A flashback shows how Homer got the winning candy bar — rummaging through a bunch of them at the Kwik-E-Mart.
Apu: Hey. Hey! Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. You leave me no choice but to...ask you nicely again.
- Bart is disappointed finding out which babysitter will watch Lisa, Maggie, and him.
Marge: [the doorbell rings] Oh, that's the babysitter. No one in town will sit for you two anymore. I had to choose between a grad student at the university and a scary-looking hobo.
Bart: [goes to answer door] Please the hobo, please the hobo, please the hobo.. [opens it]
Ashley: Hi, I'm Ashley Grant.
Bart: [groans] Oh...
- Homer steals the Gummi Venus-De-Milo. Marge and him make a daring escape from the candy convention. Homer mixes a can of cola with some Pop Rocks and uses it like a grenade to stop the candy conventioneers from advancing.
Homer: SEE YOU IN HELL, CANDY BOYS! [he dramatically jumps away from the explosion]
- The writers referred to this as "a parody of every Bruce Willis movie ever made".
- As Homer gets out of the shower, he sees a helicopter hovering outside his bathroom window, causing him to shriek and fall over, getting wrapped in his shower curtain. It is quickly being shown on the television.
Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, which he believes gives him sexual powers!
Homer: Hey, that's a half-truth!
- Kent Brockman: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.
- Homer needs help to clear his name.
Homer: Help me, God! [phone rings and Homer answers] ...Hello?
Deep Voice: Hello Homer. This is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show "Rock Bottom".
- The intro to the Rock Bottom TV show mentions another story.
Godfrey Jones: Tonight, on "Rock Bottom", we investigate a sex farm for sex hookers.
[cut to a farmer being interviewed]
Farmer: I keep telling you, I only grow sorghum here.
Interviewer: Uh huh. And where are the hookers?
Farmer: Round back... oops.
- In an edited version of Homer's interview with Godfrey Jones, the splices can be told because the clock in the background keeps changing times.note
Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting on / her / sweet can... / so I grabbed / her / sweet can... / Ohhhh, just thinking about / her / can... / I just wish I had / her / sweet, sweet / s/s/sweet can...
Godfrey: So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
[There is a clearly freeze-framed image of Homer, VCR artifacts and all, looking like a buffoon.]
Godfrey: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further!
[The frozen image of Homer begins to slowly zoom in.]
Godfrey: No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me! Get back! Get back! M-Mr. Simpson! NOOOO! [freeze frame on the shouting Godfrey]
Announcer: Dramatization. May not have happened.
- The gripping portrayal in Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber.
- Homer imagines how life would be like for the family through an "Under the Sea" parody sequence, during which he happily gorges himself on the friendly, dancing sea creatures.
Marge: Homer, that's your solution to everything: to move under the sea. It's not gonna happen.
Homer: Not with that attitude.
- Being disappointed that nobody outside the family believes him, Homer goes to his bedroom to be alone.
Lisa: Sorry, Dad, we do believe in you, we really do.
Bart: It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have.
Homer: Oh, maybe TV is right. TV's always right! [walks upstairs]
[Bart and Lisa hug the TV]
Homer: [shouting from upstairs] Are you hugging the TV?!
Bart & Lisa: No
... [they kiss it]
- The list of corrections at the end of Rock Bottom is totally worth freeze framing.
113. - Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
- Grampa Abe asks Homer what the problem is with Marge.
Abe: Welcome home, son. I broke 2 lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?
Homer: Never mind, you wouldn't understand.
Abe: Protein deficiency?
Abe: Unsatisfying sex life?
Homer: N- yes. But please, don't you say that word.
Abe: What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about seeex? I had seeeeex.
[Homer shudders upon hearing his dad tell him "too much information".]
- Homer tries to sell the tonic to a random passersby in the mall.
Homer: Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife. So— [the man punches him in the face]
- A person in the crowd points out Homer's face being on the bottle of "Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic". Then there's a cut to Grampa Abe and Homer being run out of town by a group of hillbillies, accompanied with the song "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" by the Foggy Mountain Boys playing in the background.
Abe: You're the worst shill I've ever seen! You're a disgrace to the medicine shill business.
Homer: They didn't start chasing us until you turned on that getaway music! [turns off radio playing banjo music]
[The chase stops; the pickup full of hillbillies comes to a halt and turns around.]
- Having separated ties with Homer, Grampa Abe continues to sell his tonic with help from one of Homer's friends.
Abe: And just feast your ears on this tantalizing testimonial from my own flesh and blood, the son that puts the fun in Simpson & Son, my son, Barney!
Barney: [walks out from behind a curtain] I used to be a fat, disgusting slob. [belches]
Man: That medicine seems to be giving your son a lot of gas.
Abe: I assure you his belching is the result of an unrelated alcohol problem.
Barney: Oh — [collapses]
- Homer spends more time with Bart and Lisa because he isn't selling tonic anymore. The kids don't appreciate it that much.
Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed under-parenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed over-parenting.
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass.
Lisa: Dad, it's just that too much of your love can really be...scary.
Homer: Some day you'll thank me for all this scary love. But now I've gotta go somewhere and do some serious thinking.
[Homer gets into his car and drives off.]
Bart: I'm sure he meant to say "serious drinking."
Lisa: That's what I assumed.
114. - Fear of Flying
- Due to being banned from Moe's Tavern, Homer becomes sad as he can't go back.
Bart: Cheer up, Homer.
Homer: [depressed] Can't.
Marge: What if you pretended that this couch were a bar? Then you could spend more nights at home with us. Huh?
Homer: I'm not going to dignify that with an answer.
Lisa: Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"?
Homer: Yes! Cris-atunity!
- Homer decides that he's going to find a new bar to drink in and asks Bart where his (Homer's) wallet is at.
Bart: [pulling it from his own pocket] Right here, Dad!
Homer: Thank you!
- As Homer searches for a new bar to drink and hang around in, he goes into what is very clearly a lesbian bar.
Homer: Wait a minute... there's something bothering me about this place...[looks around] I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a FIRE EXIT! Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies! [leaves]
Lesbian: What's her problem?
- Homer goes to a bar which features most of the main cast of Cheers.
Norm: Woody, give... give me another beer.
Woody: I'd better not Mr. Peterson. My chiropractor says I can't carry you home from the bar anymore.
Norm: Just gimme another beer, you brain dead hick! I'll kill ya, I'll kill all of ya!
[Norm lunges at Woody; Cliff and Frasier grab him and hold him back.]
Cliff: Whoa there Normie. You got to save your pipes for karaoke later!
- A man identical to Homer, wearing an unconvincing moustache, enters Moe's Bar.
Guy: Greetings, good man. Might I trouble you for a drink?
Moe: Oh, get out of here, Homer.
[The camera pans outside as he's beaten to a crap and thrown out, lying unconscious on the sidewalk. The real Homer passes by.]
Oh my God! This man is my exact double! [gasp] That dog has a fluffy tail! [he runs as he chases the dog]
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee, hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Here Puff, here Puff! Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
- The Simpson family comes home from the airport, after Marge decided to get off the airplane. One family member is missing.
Bart: You know, I have this feeling that we forgot something.
[Cut to Grampa Abe still on the airplane]
Abe: [screams] Aaaaaaaaah! [cut back to the Simpson house]
Homer: Ehh, I'm sure it's nothing.
- Marge reveals a fear that Homer has.
Permit me to solve the mystery: your mother has a fear of flying
Marge: Everyone has a fear of something.
Homer: [smugly] Not everyone.
Marge: SOCK PUPPETS!
Homer: [panicked] Where!? Where?! AAAUGHH! [runs off-screen]
- "Springfield Psychiatric Center: Because There May Not Be Bugs On You."
- Having settled her traumatizing fear of being an airplane, Marge and Homer sit inside one and things go wrong.
Homer: That's just the engine powering up... that's just the engine struggling... that's just a carp swimming around your ankles.
115. - Homer the Great
- Homer can't park near the entrance to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, so it turns out he parks in a spot that's on the opposite side of the house's backyard fence.
- Homer wants to find out what Lenny and Carl are doing without him being involved and he tells Marge.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?
Homer: Well, something did!
Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.
Oh, okay, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. [gets up]
I'm... going outside to... stalk... Lenny and Carl. [beat]
- Part of Homer's initiation into the Stonecutters is getting his butt spanked with wooden paddles by current members.
Number One: This ritual is called "Crossing the Desert".
[Homer's ass is paddled by numerous people in a line.]
Number One: And this, we call "The Unblinking Eye". [more ass paddling]
Homer: Hey... have you ever noticed that the "Crossing the Desert" is a lot like "The Unblinking Eye". And it's exactly like the "Wreck of the Hesperus"!
- Number One: Now let's all get drunk and play Ping-Pong!
- The Stonecutters song.
All: ♪ Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!
Carl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Alien: We do! We do!
All: Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do! We do!
Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?
All: We do! We do! ♪
- Homer is sitting on the couch in front of the TV and talks about how significant he is currently living.
Marge: You're not a god, Homer.
Lisa: Remember Dad, all glory is fleeting.
Lisa: Beware the Ides of March.
Lisa: Dad I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever!
Homer: Everything lasts forever.
Lisa: Don't you see, getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.
Homer: Remove the girl!
Lisa: Dad you're not with your Stonecutters now. There are no lackeys to carry out your every—
116. - And Maggie Makes Three
- As Homer quits his job at the Nuclear Power Plant, he does humiliating things to Mr. Burns, which includes playing his (Mr. Burns') head as bongo drums.
- Marge doesn't want Patty and Selma to give Homer the news about her pregnancy, so they do something to get the news out in a different way.
Marge: I've got to tell Homer about this baby in just the right way and at just the right time. Until then, please, keep this to yourselves.
Patty: Oh, if he found out now, it would probably destroy him, huh?
Marge: Oh, yes.
Patty & Selma: Gotta go!
Marge: Wait a minute! Wait, I know that look. Now promise you won't tell Homer.
Selma: Oh, we promise we won't tell...Homer.
- At their apartment, they rush to the phonebook, and open it to page one.
Patty: [on the phone] Hello, is this A. Aaronson? It might interest to you to know that Marge Simpson is pregnant, again.
[The scene fades away, making it look like a lot of time has passed, and the phonebook is on the last page.]
Patty: [on the phone] Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zykowski. [hangs up] There. Aaronson and Zykowski are the 2 biggest gossips in town. In an hour, everyone will know.
- Indeed, soon everyone knows except Homer, who's going to his new job at the bowling alley.
Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you, thank you very much. It is nice work.
Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir!
Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.
Moe: Hey, Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant.
- When Homer arrives home, people are just throwing Marge a baby shower.
Homer: Hey, it's me. It's hell out there! Hey, wait a minute. What are all these presents? It looks like you're... showering Marge with gifts. Hmm...with little, tiny baby-sized gifts. Well, I'll be in the tub.
Maude: By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer.
New job? ...Marge is pregnant?! [pulls out 1 of the 3 hairs on the top of his head] Noooooo!
- Homer sets up a flashback to his being devastated about Marge's pregnancy, as it will screw up the family's finances. The flashback begins with a thin, pajama-clad Homer lacking a head (it's funnier than it sounds).
Homer: [moans] We're doomed! AAAAAUUUGH! [his head swells up and explodes]
Marge: [disembodied] Homer, you had a head.
Homer: [disembodied] Check.
[His head pops out of the collar of his pajamas.]
Marge: [disembodied] And your bottom was a little bigger.
Homer: [disembodied] Aww. [his butt inflates slightly]
- Homer plans to increase business at the bowling alley by firing a rifle into the air while shouting, "Bowling! Bowling! Get you bowling here!" He ends up scaring people.
Lisa: Mom, make Dad tell the story right!
Lisa: [disappointed] Oh.
117. - Bart's Comet
- After Principal Skinner tries to get the "Big-Butt Skinner" balloon down, he finds that Bart was making a call on his cell phone. After hearing the astronomer tell Bart that he discovered a comet, Skinner yells, "NOOOO!" and let's the balloon go. Upon realizing he let the balloon go, he yells, "NOOOO!!!!" again. Then, a newspaper boy drops off today's issue, in which the headline reads, "PREZ SEZ: SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS!" Skinner ends the act with a Big "NO!".
- The attempt to blow up the comet with a missile fails.
Lisa: It blew up the bridge! We're doomed.
Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
Reverend Lovejoy: [running down the street] It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer!
- A bill to save Springfield was defeated. Kent Brockman then comments on his "final" newscast.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Democracy simply
doesn't work. Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. But it doesn't seem to matter now, so...the following people are gay: [rapidly scrolling Long List appears]
Marge: [disgusted] Turn it off.
Homer: [taking notes] Just a second...
- Homer predicts that the comet will burn up in the atmosphere and end up the size of a Chihuahua's head. Bart, Lisa and Marge all groan when he mentions that they will be horribly crushed from above somehow if he's not right.
Homer: Okay, if you're that worried about it, let's go down to the bomb shelter.
Lisa: We have a bomb shelter?
Homer: Homer Simpson takes care of his family.
[Cut to the family at the Flanders' backyard bomb shelter]
Homer: [pounds on the door with his left fist 3 times] Flanders! Open up! [Ned opens the door]
Ned: H-Heidi-ho-arooni, neighbor. What can I do ya for?
Homer: [demanding] Get outta there! My family needs to use your bomb shelter.
Ned: Ho-ho, I kinda figured this might happen, so I built the shelter big enough for both our families!
Homer: [sternly] No deal, out.
Marge: Get in the shelter, Homer!
- When the door to the Flanders' bomb shelter can't be closed because it's stuffed full with the residents of Springfield, someone has to get out. Krusty starts listing the people they'll need after the comet hits; Moe says they'll need power, which Homer can do. Homer looks around shiftily, and says "Uh, yeah... I can do that." After Reverend Lovejoy starts over on the list, Homer declares that left-handed stores won't be needed, and therefore Ned Flanders should leave the bomb shelter he owns (while also making hushed apologies to Rod & Todd).
- Moe Szyslak decides that the people can play a game as they wait for the comet to destroy Springfield. The game turns into havoc.
Moe: Hey, uh, I got an idea. We can play a game to pass the time. Uh, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you all try to guess what it is. Ah-ahem. [makes some unidentifiable noise]
Chief Wiggum: It's a pig!
Bart: It's a cow, man.
Lisa: It's a pony.
Krusty: No, it's a goat. You know, one of them lady goats.
Selma: There are no lady goats! A lady goat is a sheep.
Dr. Hibbert: I believe she's right.
Otto: You're crazy.
Captain McCallister: Arr, what's it to you?
Otto: What's it to me? [Everyone starts arguing.]
Marge: Stop it! Stop it! Can't you see this barnyard noise guessing game is tearing us apart? [There's a long silence inside as Ned is Heard singing "Que Sera Sera" outside] Say, Moe, was it a duck? [Everyone argues again.]
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
STOP IT! STOP IT!
I can't take this any more. I can't let that brave man out there die alone! I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you, especially his children!
I'm going out there! [shuts the door, then opens it again]
And it was a baby ox! [shuts the door again]
Moe: He's right you know.
Skinner: About the ox?
Moe: [angrily] ABOUT EVERYTHING damn it! Hey Homer wait up, I wanna die too!
- The citizens of Springfield deciding to burn down the Observatory, so nothing like this ever happens again. Bart and Lisa then comment on how what Homer predicted came true.
Homer: I know, kids - I'm scared too.
[Homer hugs Bart and Lisa, and all 3 of them look around terrified.]
118. - Homie the Clown
- Krusty: Put $5,000 on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G. to play for me in the elevator. My house is dirty, buy me a clean one.
- Krusty responds to his financial advisor's suggestion of opening a clown college.
Krusty: Forget it. I'll just cut back on the condor egg omlettes. Mmm, a couple of those would be tasty right now.
- Due to seeing a billboard for Krusty's Clown College, Homer has some clown hallucinations, complete with that circus music. He also makes a circus tent out of mashed potatoes.
Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! [walks out the front door]
Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
- The students are trying on baggy pants, but Homer's pants fit perfectly.
Krusty: Okay, we'll start off with the baggy — [sees Homer] wha? Those are supposed to be baggy pants! BAGGY!
Homer: Ooh, I've never had a pair of pants fit this well in my liiiife.
- Krusty goes through the funny place names during clown college and Homer laughs hysterically at Seattle.
- As Homer is riding on the tiny bicycle, his pants get raveled up in the axles as he continues pedaling. It exposes his naked rear end.
Krusty: [to his financial advisor] Uhh, burn that seat.
- On graduation day at Krusty's Clown College, Krusty gives out the diplomas and shakes the recipients' hands with a joy buzzer. When it's Homer's turn, he swipes the diploma from Krusty's hand before he gets zapped.
Homer: Got it! No shock for me! [he turns and runs away] Hee-hee-hee-hee!
Krusty: Oh yeah?!
[Krusty catches up to Homer and shocks him repeatedly. Homer yells out in pain while Krusty laughs at his expense.]
- Homer's first gig as Krusty the Clown has him dropping in by parachute. His yelling increases in volume as he rapidly reaches the ground and lands on a structure; the parachute follows shortly afterward. Then, Homer sees the Krusty-Burglar.
Homer: Oh, my God! He's stealing all the burgers! Why you little...
Announcer: Homer, it's all ju-just an act.
Boy: [sobbing] Stop! Sto-o-o-o-o-p! He's already dead!
[Two guards have to drag Homer away]
Announcer: Uh, Krusty the Clown, everybody?
[scattered applause from the kids]
Krusty-Burglar: [in Slavic accent] Please look at my medical alert bracelet. [groans]
- Krusty bets against the Harlem Globetrotters, apparently not knowing it's all a show.
Financial Advisor: Let me get this straight. You took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?
Krusty: Oh, I thought the Generals were due! HE'S SPINNING THE BALL ON HIS FINGER! JUST TAKE IT! TAKE THE BALL!
[A Globetrotter on TV slams the basketball through the hoop.]
Krusty: That game was fixed! They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sake!
- To avoid Fat Tony and the rest of the Legitimate Businessman's Club, Krusty flees the U.S.A. and gets plastic surgery in a foreign country.
Plastic Surgeon: Krusty, your plastic surgery is complete. Now, when I remove the bandages, don't be alarmed at the total stranger staring back at you.
Krusty: [looks in mirror] AAAAAAAAHHH! I LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME, YOU MORON!
Oh, nonsense, Krusty. You look at least 10 years younger. Plus I did your breasts
Krusty: Does anybody hear me complaining about the breasts?
- Homer gets abducted by Fat Tony and his henchmen due to his resemblance to Krusty.
Homer: But, wait! You can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him. I'm Homer Simpson!
Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: Uh, actually, my name is Barney, Yeah. Barney Gumble.
Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: Uh, actually, my real name is, uh — think, Krusty, think. — Joe Valachi!
Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?
Homer: Benedict Arnold!
Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
119. - Bart vs. Australia
- Lisa tries to explain the coriolis effect to Bart.
Lisa: Bart, water will only go the other way in the Southern Hemisphere.
Bart: What the hell is the Southern Hemisphere?
Lisa: Haven't you ever looked at your globe? [She tears off wrapping paper on a gift with a tag reading "Happy Birthday! Love Grampa" on it.] See, the Southern Hemisphere is made up off everything below the equa... [stares at Bart] this line.
Bart: So say in Argentina, and Rand McNally [points at Rand McNally logo on globe], all their water goes backwards?
Lisa: Uh-huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Bart: [impressed] Cool!
- Bart calls a man living on an island engulfed in lava from a recent volcanic eruption. When he sees a pay phone floating by and ringing, he reaches over and ends up drowned/incinerated.
- The President of a South American country that isn't Brazil misinterprets Bart's phone call as a sign that his people are revolting against the government.
Bart: [slowly] Which way does the water turn in your toilet?
Aide: [in Spanish] He says the tide is turning!
Presidente: [in Spanish] Ay, carumba! Then the rebels will soon take the capital. I must flee! [dives out window]
- A koala gets electrocuted when Bart makes his phone call to Australia.
- Bruno Drundridge is upset about his phone bill of $900 and tells someone about it.
Bruno: Ooh! Ah, that's it. I'm going to report this to me member of Parliament. [yells out window] Hey, Gus! I got something to report to you.
[Gus is tending his swine]
Gus: That's a bloody outrage, it is! I want to take this all the way to the Prime Minister. [they go down to a lake] Hey! Mr. Prime Minister! Andy!
Andy: [floating naked on an inner tube with a beer] Eh, mates! What's the good word?
- Homer mispronounces the country of Uruguay ignorantly.
Homer: [looking at globe] There it is! Aus-tra-li-a. I'll be damned. [laughs] Look at this country: U-R-Gay! [the family just looks at him]
- Marge wants coffee, but the bartender will only serve beer.
Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer it is.
Marge: No, I said coffee.
Marge: [spells] C-O...
Bartender: [spells] B-E...
- A. U.S. Marine punches Homer in the face after Homer does his irritating "Australia/America" schtick.
Bart: Hey, G.I. Joe, your sign's broken. We're already in Australia.
Marine: Actually, sir, the embassy is considered American soil, sir!
Homer: Really? Look, boy, now I'm in Australia... [jumps over the line] Now I'm in America! [jumps back over] Australia! [jumps] America!
Bart: [flatly] I get it, Dad.
Homer: Australia! America!
Marge: [exasperated] Homer, that's enough!
Homer: Australia! America! [Marine punches him] Ow!
Marine: Here in America, we don't tolerate that kind of crap, sir!
- The whole scene involving the Australians choosing a boot to use on Bart.
- Many people in Australia chase The Simpsons, including some thugs from the movie Mad Max.
- Bart moons the Australians with the words "DON'T TREAD ON ME" written on his posterior. Then the family runs from the angry mob and escapes by boarding a helicopter.
Marge: I'm glad you're OK, honey, but I wish you'd chosen a more tasteful way to be patriotic.
Lisa: I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.
120. - Homer vs. Patty and Selma
- Homer almost spills the beans about the financial problem he is in.
Marge: Homer! Homer, wake up! There's still a few minutes 'til our usual bedtime.
Homer: Oh, my invention! All our money problems could have been...
Marge: Money problems? Homer, are we in some sort of fiduciary trouble?
Homer: [imagines Marge dressed like a queen]
Oh, Marge, my loyal wife, of course not. [Lisa walks up; Homer imagines her differently]
And Lisa, my little princess. [Bart walks up]
And who could forget dear Ratboy? [envisions Bart to look like a rat]
Bart: Ratboy? I resent that. [gnaws on doorframe]
Marge: Bart, I told you before, stop gnawing on the drywall.
- After Homer throws Patty and Selma out the first time, Marge goes out to apologies to them.
Marge: He's just a very complicated man.
[Homer leans out of the bedroom window above and smashes a plate over his head]
- Patty and Selma force Homer to light cigarettes for them.
Homer: Request permission to slink by.
Patty: Permission pending. First...light our cigarettes.
Homer: But you're already smoking cig — [they stub them and take new ones, clearing their throats] You're really pushing it.
- Homer accidentally throws Marge out of the house as he's kicking Patty and Selma out after the Gruesome Twosome rat Homer out on his bad investment.
- Homer takes up a job as a limousine driver to work off his debt to Patty and Selma. He is seen driving Mel Brooks.
Oh wow, I can't believe my first passenger is comedy legend Mel Brooks. You know that movie, "Young Frankenstein"
? Scared the hell out of me!
Mel: Umm, thanks.
- Mel Brooks: [to Chief Wiggum] How about you be Carl Reiner, and I be Police Chief Wiggum. I HATE Carl Reiner!
- Bart falls in a ditch as he's being chased by bullies for admitting his love of ballet.
- Since Homer had his chauffer's license revoked, he needs to take a DMV driver's test, overseen by none other than both Patty and Selma.
Patty: Well, well, well: look who needs us again to get his chauffeur's license.
Homer: Look, all I ask is that you be fair.
Patty: Oh! Did not adjust side mirror. Minus 1 point.
Selma: Failed to check blind spot. Minus 2 points.
Homer: You won't be happy until my family thinks I'm a loser, will you?
Patty: You are a loser, Homer...and we're winners. You gotta learn that.
Selma: Ooh, seat belt twisted. Minus 1 point.
Homer: Nagging the driver. Minus 10 points for you!
Patty: Grazed a cone. Minus 5 points!
Homer: Being a jerk. Minus a million points!
- Homer saves Patty and Selma by taking the blame for smoking the cigarettes they were smoking.
DMV Manageress: Wait a minute! Those are yours, sir?
Homer: [monotone] Yes. [coughs] I am in flavor country.
DMV Manageress: [skeptical] Both of them?
Homer: [hacks] It's a big country.
DMV Manageress: [to Patty & Selma] Ladies, I apologize. [to Homer] And you, sir, are worse than Hitler. [slaps him]
- Patty and Selma try to repay Homer for taking the blame. Homer ends up getting what he wants.
Patty: Homer, um...I'm speechless. You just saved our hides.
Homer: Please, on top of everything else, don't make me picture your hides!
Marge: That's a wonderful thing you did for my sisters
Homer: I didn't do it for them...I did it for you, Marge. I'd kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you...
Marge: No, Homey. You see? You see, this is the stuff I've been telling you about that you never see!
Selma: If there's anything we can do to make it up...
Homer: Call off the debt?
Patty: Or, say, we could let you pass your driver's test...
Homer: Call off the debt?
Homer: Debt's off! Let's go, Marge. [He grabs Marge. They go to his car and get in; the tires squeal as it leaves.]
121. - A Star Is Burns
- On TV, Principal Skinner is about to be burned at the stake.
Skinner: I'm telling you people, the Earth revolves around the Sun!
Abe: Burn him! [He starts to light Principal Skinner on fire.]
Photographer: [takes a picture] What a story!
Abe: [chasing the photographer] You've stolen my soul!
- At the town hall meeting, Patty and Selma give their suggestion of how to improves Springfield's image and attract more tourism.
Patty: The easiest way to become popular is to leech off the popularity of others.
That's why we propose changing the name of the town from Springfield to Seinfeld
. [Seinfeld-like scene transition music is heard]
- Bart films Homer putting on his trademark blue pants and names the film "The Eternal Struggle".
- As Rainier Wolfcastle is being interviewed by Jay Sherman, a clip of "McBain: Let's Get Silly!" is seen.
Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? [Beat]
That's the joke.
Random Man: You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls out a machine gun from his jacket and starts firing at the audience.]
- Rainier Wolfcastle continues talking about the movie.
Rainier: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80,000,000.
Jay: [disgusted] How do you sleep at night?
Rainier: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay: [disgusted again] Just askin'. Yeesh.
- There's a meta-joke when Bart is about to watch The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons and moans that it's another cheap cartoon crossover. Then Homer introduces Bart to Jay Sherman.
- Homer tells Jay Sherman about his belching contest win at work and belches in front of Jay's face. Jay compliments Homer and then lets out an extremely loud and long belch that sets off 2 car alarms, winning by a landslide.
- At the Simpson home, Jay Sherman talks with Patty and Selma while Homer watches.
Patty: Okay, Sherman, you're a movie expert.
Selma: So tell us. Who's gay?
Jay: Oh, I don't know ... [mumbling] Harvey Fierstein.
Patty: Who else?
[Homer whispers into Jay's ear.]
's gay. [Patty and Selma growl and advance on Jay, who cowers from them. Homer giggles.]
[The scene shifts to outside. Jay has been stripped to his underwear and is dangling from the rain gutter by the waistband of his shorts.]
Bart: [sees Jay and laughs] You badmouthed MacGyver, didn't you?
- When Mr. Burns is attempting to pick who gets to play him in a biopic, there's a sequence where several people including William Shatner and Hannibal Lecter give their try with Burns's "Excellent" Catch Phrase. Then it's Homer's turn.
- At the film festival, Hans Moleman's film "Man Getting Hit by Football" involves him getting hit with a football thrown at his groin. Homer is the only one laughing.
Homer: [laughs hysterically] This contest is over! Give that man the $10,000!
Homer: But ... the ball! His groin! It works on so many levels! [still laughing] Roll it again!
- As Barney Gumble's film entry "Pukahontas" is playing, a woman in the crowd talks about how touching the sad biopic is.
Woman: [softly] It's brilliant. Savagely honest, heart-breaking. He has the soul of a poet.
Barney: You're very kind.
Woman: [rudely] Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?
Barney: It didn't die.
[Cut back to the film]
Barney: My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scouts' meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?
- Mr. Burns' film entry "A Burns for All Seasons" draws a strong negative reaction from the audience.
Mr. Burns: [shocked] Smithers, are they booing me?
Smithers: Oh, no, sir. They're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns".
Mr. Burns: [to crowd] Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Crowd: Boooooooooooo! [they throw random objects at Mr. Burns]
Hans Moleman: [to himself] I was saying "Boo-urns".
- The film festival judges meet after all the films were presented. Jay Sherman is appalled about Krusty giving his vote to Mr. Burns' film.
Jay: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me...to a bigger house! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.
- Jay Sherman mentions to Homer that there are better things in life that watching a man getting hit in the groin with a football. Out of nowhere, a football hits Jay in his groin and Nelson Muntz (off-screen) does his signature "Ha-ha!" laugh.
- Mr. Burns bribes all of Hollywood into voting for his film, and it still ends up losing, this time to a remake of "Man Getting Hit by Football" which stars George C. Scott.
122. - Lisa's Wedding
- Ned Flanders beats Waylon Smithers during the knight exhibition.
- Chief Wiggum features an animal at the Renaissance Fair.
Chief Wiggum: Behold the mighty esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit...and the body...of a rabbit!
[The bunny jumps out of its pen and starts to hop away; Lisa chases it.]
Lisa: Here, bunny bunny. Here, bunny.
Chief Wiggum: [corrects her] Here, esquilax.
- Future Homer is insistent that Hugh pull his (Homer's) index finger.
Future Homer: So, Hugh, have you heard all the latest American jokes? Uh...here's a good one: pull my finger!
Hugh: [chuckles] Yes, we have that one in England, too, Mr. Simpson.
Future Homer: [in a threatening tone] I said pull my finger.
- Future Smithers receives an invitation to Lisa's wedding.
Future Smithers: "Mr. Smithers plus guest"...huh. There's only one person I would want to bring. [pulls a frozen Mr. Burns from a slot in the wall] Oh, Mr. Burns, we'll thaw you out the second they discover the cure for 17 stab wounds in the back. How're we doing, boys?
Future Professor Frink: Well, we're up to 15!
- Future Lisa tries to tell Future Marge that she doesn't want to wear white at the wedding because she had sex with Milhouse before getting married (and, as popular wedding traditions go, only women who stay virgins until their wedding day are allowed to wear virginal white). Future Marge's response: "Oh, Milhouse doesn't count."
- The Fortune Teller informs Lisa of the grim ending to her vision about Lisa's future.
Fortune Teller: [to Lisa] The next day, Hugh goes back to England, and you never see him again.
Lisa: Wow. Now that I know all this, isn't there any way to change the future?
Fortune Teller: No...but try to look surprised.
Lisa: I thought you said you'd tell me about my true love.
Fortune Teller: Oh, you'll have a true love, but I specialize in foretelling the relationships where you get jerked around.
- Homer tells Lisa what he was doing as Lisa was getting her future told by the fortune teller.
Homer: Lisa, Lisa! Where were you? You missed the most incredible thing.
Lisa: Hi, Dad! [hugs him]
Homer: I ate 7 pounds of fudge!
Homer: The man at the stand said it was a record.
Lisa: Wow! What else did you do, Dad?
Homer: I rode the teacups, then I got a little sick and I had to sit down. But then, I rode them again!
123. - Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
- Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.
- Mr. Burns' rousing cover of "Be Our Guest", "See My Vest", wherein he describes the various animals he killed for his wardrobe.
- The end where it looks as if Homer hanged himself in the basement, but is actually grabbing onto a rafter and batting a lightbulb as a means to cope with the loss of the million-dollar greyhounds he let Mr. Burns adopt.
124 - The PTA Disbands
- When Homer initially expresses disgust with the perpetual motion machine Lisa has made.
Homer: It just keeps going faster and faster! (The payoff comes about a minute later, when Marge asks Homer to do something; he calls Lisa into the room and angrily declares)
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
- After the teachers' strike is announced, cut to a little girl in the empty gym hanging from the rings on the roof.
"Hellooooo? Mrs Pommelhorse? I'd like to get down now"
- Bart visits the bank and pulls a prank on the people waiting in line.
Bart in Voice #1: What do you mean the bank is out of money!?
Bart in Voice #2: Insolvent?!
Bart In Voice #3: You only have enough cash for the next 3 customers!?
(Crowd starts going crazy)
Moe Szyslak: (Turns to guy next to him) Hey, what the hell are you doing with my money in your house Fred? (Punches Fred, setting off a huge fight)
- Also this moment in Homer and Marge's bedroom:
Marge: There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
Bart: [evilly] Hello, mother dear.
- Jasper: Talking outta turn... That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window... That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals... That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe... OOOH, you better BELIEVE that's a paddlin'.
- During the PTA Conference:
Man: The PTA has disbanded! Huh! HUH! AARGH! (jumps out window)
Ned Flanders: No, the PTA has not disbanded. (Same man jumps back in and sits down)
- The "purple monkey dishwasher" scene from this episode.
Bart: Now for Operation Strike-Make-Go-Longer. (to teacher) You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute.
(The teachers whisper it through the line)
Teacher: (to Edna) Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple money dishwasher.
Edna: Well! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark.
- Bart: (talking to Principal Skinner) She said you'd fold faster then Superman on laundry day.
- Lisa's need for being graded:
Lisa: Grade me! Look at me. Evaluated rank me! I'm good good good and oh so smart. Grade me!
Marge scribbles "A+" on a blank piece of paper. Lisa sighs with relief
Cut to Homer and Marge's bedroom
Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning, I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
- The scene with Bart at a construction site and causing havoc with a megaphone. The foreman eventually shows up to stop him, and we learn that he just happens to sound like Bart.
Foreman: (speaking in a voice that sounds like Bart's) Hey! Can't you tell my voice from a ten-year old kid's? Ay carumba!
125 - 'Round Springfield
- This part of Lisa's dream:
"Bleeding Gums" Murphy: Will you guys cut it out? I'm trying to say goodbye to Lisa.
Other guys: We're sorry.
- Krusty tries to defend himself on TV:
Kent Brockman: This just in: Krusty the Clown staged a press conference today to defend himself against charges that his products are unsafe, his theme park is a death trap, and that he's marketing videos of Tonya Harding's wedding night.
Krusty: And I contend that those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question?
Woman: What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?
Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. (takes a mouthful) See? There's nothing (starts screaming and writhing) Oh, boy! This thing is shredding my insides!
Sideshow Mel: Er, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty-O.
Krusty: It's poison!
- The Running Gag with the Hotdog Vendor.
Marge: Are you following my Husband around?
Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college.
126 - The Springfield Connection
- Homer becoming extremely exhausted after running a mere couple inches.
- Homer's maniacal wailing after Marge arrests him and tells him he has the right to remain silent (with Homer choosing to waive the right).
- Homer eating Hans' last meal and Hans being executed in a local jail.
- After Marge arrests Homer, he decides to draw a line across the bedroom. He doesn't pay attention to where he is and traps himself in a small corner.
- The Brick Joke at the end.
127 - Lemon of Troy
- The history of the feud between Springfield and Shelbyville. The two founders differed on a key issue: whether people could marry their attractive cousins.
- The end of the lemon tree story.
Grandpa: The people of Springfield believed they had founded a sweet new town. And so, to commemorate this, they planted this lemon tree, lemons being the sweetest fruit available at the time.
- Marge and Homer's reaction to Bart's plan to raid Shelbyville.
Bart: I've got to teach some kids a lesson.
Bart: Death to Shelbyville!
- Given a great Call Back later in the episode when the truth is revealed.
Marge: Homer, come quick! Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
- The lemon tree hitting the "Welcome to Springfield" sign after the rescue operation.
128 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 1
129 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 2
- Tito Puente's Slanderous Mambo.
- Smithers' dream that Mr. Burns is alive, in his shower, and part of a campy 1960s crime show called Speedway Squad: In Color!
- Skinner's alibi for not shooting Mr. Burns. While he was planning to attack Mr. Burns himself after the meeting, he was in the men's room putting on camoflage make-up at the time of the shooting. In the flashback, we see that Skinner has mixed up his camoflage make-up with his mother's make-up, noticing too little too late. Then Superintendent Chalmers walks in...
Flashback Chalmers: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, ma'am—
Flashback Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!
Flashback Chalmers: (Realizes it's Skinner) ...Oh my God...
Chief Wiggum: So, Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts?
Skinner: Oh, yes. But anything else he says is a filthy lie.
- Moe on the lie detector:
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! (buzz) All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. (ding)
Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz) A date. (buzz) Dinner with friends. (buzz) Dinner alone. (buzz) Watching TV alone. (buzz) All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (buzz) Sears catalog. (ding) Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)
130 - Radioactive Man
- This hilarious bit:
Skinner: (over the PA system) Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man—-
Nelson: Radioactive Man, stupid!
Skinner: ... Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that.
- The entirety of the campy 1970s Radioactive Man show (which the director does not want the movie to be like).
- The best part has to be the bit where everyone, including the villains and some girls in midriff tops, miniskirts and go-go boots (including one who looks like a bald Amy from Futurama), start dancing.
- "I keep telling you! He's seventy-three years old, and he's dead!"
- My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"
- When the director is flipping through the magazine, we see all these full page ads for Film Utah, Film New York, etc and then they suddenly stop at the ad that says "Flim Springfield" "This place must be hot! They don't need a big ad or even correct spelling!"
- The running gag with people's hats flying off in moments of surprise - thanks to malfunctioning air conditioners.
131 - Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
- Just the way Homer sounds when he screams "Why you COTTON PICKIN...!" and strangles Cletus.
- The Child Welfare officers running over a tricycle after hearing that The Simpson kids may be living in squalid conditions.
- Rod and Todd being traumatized over Itchy and Scratchy.
- Homer's momentary lapse into spiritual peace after saving his son from a lake baptismal, only to bark, "I SAID, 'SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE, FLANDERS!'" when Flanders asks him what he just said.
- Homer and Marge are trying to find Ned Flanders, who's about to baptize their kids:
Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! (thinking) I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and — (aloud) The Springfield River!note
132 - Bart Sells His Soul
- The intro where Bart tricks everyone into singing "In The Garden of Eden" by I. Ron Butterfly. During the song, Reverend Lovejoy finds out it's rock music, and a beach ball bounces on his head, and the scene ends with Mrs. Feesh (the church organist) collapsing (after playing the entire song -- which is 17 minutes long).
Reverend Lovejoy: Wait a minute...this sounds like rock and/or roll!
- After Milhouse tells Reverend Lovejoy it was Bart that changed the hymn:
Bart: You shank! How could you squeal on me?!
Milhouse: Sorry Bart, but I don't want hungry birds pecking at my soul forever.
Bart: "Soul?" Come on Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul. It's just something made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson!
Milhouse: But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. Why would they lie? What would they have to gain?
(Cut to Rev. Lovejoy putting the money from the collection plate into a coin counter.)
- Moe gets a deep fryer for his new family restaurant.
Moe: Heh Heh. I got it used from the Navy. You could flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.
Homer: 40 seconds? But I want it now.
- Moe's breakdown while running "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag."
- The part where Bart's bike gets sucked up by a street cleaner truck, only for a newer and supposedly better bike to come out in its place. That bike crumbles to pieces, as the street cleaner inexplicably laughs evilly at Bart's misfortune, only for his truck to crash down a set of stairs leading to a subway station.
133 - Lisa the Vegetarian
- Lisa has decided to stop eating meat.
Homer: So, you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: (sarcastically) Yeah right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal!
- The "You Don't Win Friends With Salad" conga (with Marge joining in — not to take sides, but because it was catchy).
- Principal Skinner introducing the pro-meat film:
Good morning class. A certain... agitator... for privacy's sake let's call her...Lisa S. No, that's too obvious... let's say L. Simpson... (Lisa slaps her forehead) has raised questions about certain school policies. So, in the interest in creating an open dialogue, sit silently and watch this film.
- The entirety of the pro-meat propaganda filmstrip.
Troy McClure: Just ask this scientician. (scene cuts to a scientist in a lab)
Scientist: Uhh... (scene cuts away)
Troy McClure: He'll tell you that, in nature, one creature invariably eats another creature to survive. (images of various animals attacking and eating others appear) Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
- The film contains images of a shark leaping out of the water to attack a gorilla, an eagle swooping down and carrying away a fully-grown sheep, and a dog catching a Frisbee.
- After the film:
Lisa: They can't seriously expect us to swallow that tripe.
Principal Skinner: Now as a special treat courtesy of our friends at the Meat Council, please help yourself to this tripe.
- When Lisa is using the lawnmower to push away the pig:
Marge: Bart, no!
Bart: (shown standing next to her) What?
Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa, no!
- Homer chases the runaway pig as it rolls through some bushes:
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
(The pig ends up in the river)
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!
(The pig gets stuck in the dam and is blown away by the water pressure)
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!
Bart: It's gone.
Homer: I know. (Scene cut to the Nuclear Power Plant)
Mr. Burns: You know Smithers, I think I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!
Smithers: Will you be donating that money now, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.
- Lisa's first attempt to get lunch at school after becoming a vegetarian:
Lisa: Excuse me. I thought schools were required to serve vegetarian alternatives.
Lunchlady Doris: (puts an empty hotdog bun on Lisa's tray and says in a perfect deadpan) Here. It's rich in bunly goodness.
Lisa: Do you even remember when you had passion for this job?
Lunchlady Doris: (looks shocked and presses the independent thought alarm)
- When Homer spots The Flanders family reunion
Homer: Hey Flanders!
Entire Flanders Clan: Hi-diddly-ho, neighborino!
Homer: Shut up!
Entire Flanders Clan: Okily-dokily!
134 - Treehouse of Horror VI
- From the first segment "Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores":
- Chief Wiggum mistakenly shoots at an absurdly tall basketball player, thinking him to be one of the giant advertising characters come to life.
Wiggum: Aw, they're not so tough.
Lou: Um... Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school basketball team.
Wiggum: Um, yeah, well, he was turning into a monster. Yeah.
- From the second segment "Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace":
- In the playground, where the kids are talking about the ways Willie has been after them. Nelson walks in looking all neat, tidy and shiny, because he was run over by a floor buffer in his dream.
- Martin's death. They try to wheel his body out without drawing any attention to it, but the sheet covering him gets caught around one of the wheels, being yanked off and revealing his screaming corpse. Everyone in the classroom is horrified, prompting Skinner to have the body quickly removed from the classroom - only for it to end up being taken into the Kindergarten.
- The end of the short has Willy and his hilariously pitiful attempt to scare Bart and Lisa. Then his bus leaves him, he realizes he left his gun on the seat, and he loses a shoe while trying to catch up with the bus on foot.
- From the third segment "Homer3": Homer screaming "CRAAAAAPPPP!" after getting sucked into a black hole.
- The black hole ends up taking the 3D Homer into the real world, which he deems "The worst place yet!". He seems to forget all his troubles (and the awkward looks from humans) when he notices a bakery selling erotic cakes.
135 - King-Size Homer
- The beginning where Smithers and the hired goons who work for Burns (and the Disney Corporation) break into the bathroom and drag Homer out — all because he wants to get out of five minutes of calisthentics.
- Dr. Hibbert refuses to take part in Homer's personal weight-gain plan.
Homer: Could you recommend a doctor that will?
Dr. Hibbert: ...Yes. (scene cut)
Dr. Riviera: Hi, everybody!
Bart & Homer: Hi, Dr. Nick!
- Homer mocking traffic as he stays home from work, due to experimental monkeys taking over the freeway: "Gas, brake, honk! Gas, brake, honk! Honk, honk, punch! Gas, gas, gas!"
- Homer driving the ice cream truck through the fence, and all the employees getting excited and running after it.
- And from the end of that episode:
Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas-
- And then there's:
Homer: Mmm... I can feel three kinds of softness.
Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey.
- The ENTIRE sequence of Homer working from home, especially when he uses the computer. Especially when Homer complains about daylight savings ("lousy farmers!"), the 'Y' situation ("So many letters to choose from, I'll pick Y!") and "Hey Mrs Doesn't Find Me Attractive Sexually Anymore, I just tripled my productivity!"
- Mr Burns and Homer from the very end of the episode:
Mr Burns: (to a fat Homer who is attempting to do a sit up and failing) ONE. ONE. ONE!! Bah, I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction!
136 - Mother Simpson
- After Homer uses a dummy to fake his own death:
Mr. Burns: (surprisingly sadly) Smithers, who was that corpse?
Smithers: (increasingly sad and teary) That was... Homer Simpson, sir... one of the finest, bravest men ever to grace Sector 7-G! (calm and bureaucratic again) I'll mark him off the list.
- When Homer visits (what he has believed for a long time to be) his mother's "grave":
- Later, Mr. Burns attempts to storm the Simpson home in a tank in order to arrest Homer's mother Mona, who sabotaged his chemical lab in The Sixties. Before doing so, he puts in a tape of "Ride of the Valkyries"...only for it to cut to "Waterloo" by ABBA after a few seconds (Smithers accidentally taped over it)note . The icing on this piece of cake is the look on Burns' face when his moment is ruined. It was also oddly hilarious to watch them storm the house to that music anyway.
- Before Smithers even says anything, Burns is already looking at him when this happens, knowing this is his fault.
- Abe's attempt at stalling the feds was gold.
Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.
Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?
Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B.
- Chief Wiggum tries to radio an APB on Homer and Mona.
Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a...Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, you better start with Greektown.
Agent Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson," Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB, but could you bring us back some of those, uh...gy-ros?
Agent Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet. (Wiggum's wallet unfolds in his hand, revealing a long chain of family photos)
137 - Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
- A man who looks like Urkel from Family Matters being one of the representatives of television during the secret meeting.
- Krusty seeing the porno mags on the table and yelling, "Hey, hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"
138 - The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
- Troy McClure walking off-stage, sighing in "Why the hell am I doing this?"-style defeat, and smoking a cigarette during the first commercial break.
- Troy getting poked in the stomach after falling asleep during the "cut-out classics" montage.
- In the deleted scenes, Homer is going through all the care packages that Mona sent him, and Mona asks what he's doing for a living. He explains that he's working for the nuclear plant, to which Mona, most likely due to her history with Mr. Burns, is clearly disappointed. Homer reassures her that he doesn't work very hard. Then quietly tells her he's actually bringing the place down from the inside.
- Troy ending the episode with a montage of "hardcore nudity!" (though the nudity is mid-PG-level).
- After some clips from the Tracy Ullman shorts, there's a cut back to a very confused looking McClure-who, upon realizing the cameras are on, manages to get out a very short, forced laugh.
139 - Marge Be Not Proud
- The past Christmas photos, showing Bart doing goofy things to ruin the picture, including holding a speech bubble that says, "I stink!" next to Homer and Homer saying, "Hey, I don't remember saying that!"
- Bart getting thrown out the house by Milhouse's mom after Bart asks Milhouse if he can play Bonestorm.
- The different video game mascots encouraging Bart to take the video game.
Mario: Go on Bart, take-a the Bonestorm.
Luigi: The store, she's-a so rich, she'll never notice.
Donkey Kong: Duhh, it's the company's fault for making you want it so much.
Lee Carvallo: Don't do it son, how's that game going to help your putting?
Sonic: Just TAKE IT! Take it take it take it take take it! TAKE IT!
- The scene at the end of Lee Carvello's Putting Challenge being played. "Ball is in parking lot."
140 - Team Homer
- Bart and Lisa both have to adapt to Springfield Elementary's new school uniforms.
Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: (nearby, using the phone) Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.
- The kids causing a riot after the rain turns their uniforms into tie-dyed art.
- Skinner seeing the effects of the rain and realizing he buys his mother's clothes from the same place.
Skinner: Oh God! Mother's in the park!
Superintendent Chalmers: This I gotta see.
141 - Two Bad Neighbors
- The prank war between Homer and George H.W. Bush.
- Homer tricks Bush into coming outside using cardboard cutouts of "Jeb" and "George Bush Jr.". At the time, the writers had no idea there actually was a George Bush Jr., and the gag was supposed to be that Homer idiotically made up a fake son. Now, it looks like Homer knew all along.
(H.W. comes outside, and the cardboard cutouts are drawn up quickly)
Homer: NOW, BOY! GIVE 'EM THE GLUE!
(Bart, who was atop the roof over the door, pours a big bottle of super glue all over H.W.'s head.)
Homer: (sprints by and slams a big rainbow afro wig on his head) HAHAHAHAHAH! (he and Bart flee)
- And then he goes to his Elk Club meeting, saying that was the only thing he was going to leave his house to do.
George: (having cut most of the stuck wig off, leaving only a short, rainbow color clean cut look) Now...are there any questions?
(Almost everyone's hands go up)
George: (highly irritated) Keeping in mind—I already explained the hair.
(Those hands go back down)
142 - Scences from the Class Struggle in Springfield
- The beginning where Grampa breaks the TV and is promptly dropped off at the retirement home
- Tom Kite yelling at Homer to get away from his golf clubs (though he can have his golf shoes).
- Homer swinging a golf club until he lets it go...and it knocks out Krusty the Clown as he's learning how to golf.
143 - Bart the Fink
- Bob Newhart's rambling eulogy for Krusty, which he makes up on the spot (he was waiting for a different funeral to start):
Bob Newhart: Oh. Um, although I started my career several years before Krusty, so I could never really have learned anything... directly from him, still, I think, in a way, in a very meaningful way, that I... that all, all of us... have learned... from him. That is, by being, a clown on television for, for... for so many years. Even though, uh, y’know, many of us, we didn’t really watch his show. (audience is silent) Uh, th-thank you.
- Homer pitiful attempts to comfort Bart over Krusty's death.
Homer: Oh Bart, don't worry, people die all the time. In fact, you could wake up dead tomorrow.
144 - Lisa the Iconoclast
145 - Homer the Smithers
- A drunk Lenny tries to thank Mr Burns for a good time, but he ends up horrifying Mr Burns. Smithers is begging for forgiveness when driving Mr Burns home.
Smithers: I'll never be able to forgive myself. [Smithers starts hitting his head on the steering wheel] Never, never, never, never, never!
'''[Mr Burns puts up the window between the two of them and the phone rings]
Smithers: Never, never, never, never! [Smithers is still hitting his head on the steering wheel]
- Homer's attempt at making Mr. Burns breakfast, which ends with Homer setting fire to a bowl of cereal -- by merely pouring milk and cereal in a bowl.
- Smithers looks for the worst employee at the nuclear power plant to replace him while he goes on vacation, so that Burns will be awfully grateful when Smithers is back:
Smithers: (typing into computer) Incompetent... (screen shows "714 matches") 714 names! Better be more specific. (types some more) Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly. (screen shows "714 matches" again) Ah, nuts to this, I'll just get Homer Simpson.
- After Mr. Burns is punched in the face by Homer, he decides to call Smithers by dialing his name on the phone (764-84377 spells S-M-I-T-H-E-R-S). note He winds up calling Moe Szyslak at his bar.
Moe: (the phone rings and he answers) Moe's Tavern.
Mr. Burns: (on the other end) I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers. First name Waylon.
(Moe thinks it's another prank phone call and catches on early)
Moe: Ohhhhhh. So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon, is it? Listen to me you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, OK!? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
- The shot of Mr. Burns hiding behind his rubber tree plant after Homer returns to apologize for punching him in the face.
146 - The Day the Violence Died
- The Schoolhouse Rock parody about an Amendment for flag-burning waiting to be ratified.
- Roger Meyers' line after Bart and Lisa try to tell him that they had a plan to save his company from bankruptcy ("Oh, great. Why don't you write it down and mail it to last week, when I might have cared!")
147 - A Fish Called Selma
- The Planet of the Apes musical.
- A Deleted Scene during Troy's bachelor party (which appeared in some TV promos and is available on a Deleted Scene reel on the season seven DVD set), where Homer protests over showing a film about nudists because it doesn't have "adult themes and situations."
148 - Bart on the Road
- Bart putting the car on cruise control, only to promptly wind up driving through a corn field.
- Milhouse messing with the radio:
Milhouse: (plays around with radio) Bart! Nelson hit me!
Bart: He sure did.
- When Lisa has to explain Bart's plight to Homer:
Lisa: (rapidly) Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Martin, Milhouse, and Nelson to week out in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't come back home and Bart's working as a courier and he just got back from Hong Kong!
Homer: (Face reddens; in an eerily calm tone)
Yes, that's a real pickle. Would you excuse me for a moment.
(Homer puts on a radiation suit and rages incomprehensibly for a few seconds. He then returns to Lisa.)
Homer: (calm again) Okay. I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home. Then I will murder him.
- Lisa's reason for objecting to said murder: "No, no! Then he'll know I told!"
- The phone calls Marge keeps answering before the credits roll.
Marge: Hello? Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. Good night.
Marge: Hello? Tennessee State Police?! No, my son's car was not crushed in Knoxville! I don't know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that. Good night.
Marge: Hello? No. Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam. (slams phone down; Homer snickers) Homer, are you laughing at me?
- Nelson being the only kid who enjoyed hearing Andy Williams sing.
- Bart describing Branson, Missouri, as "Vegas, if it were run by Ned Flanders"
- Martin spending his last $10 on an Al Gore doll.
Al Gore doll: You are hearing me talk.
149 - 22 Short Films About Springfield
- Dr. Nick: "Calm down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!"
- "That monkey is going to pay."
- Superintendent Chalmers' visit to Principal Skinner:
Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there? (the house is on fire)
Chalmers: Ah—Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother! It's just the Northern Lights!
- The scene of Homer, Maggie and Santa's Little Helper at the newsstand.
- The scene where Nelson Muntz gets payback by a very tall man and has to walk before his car, with his pants down, and has to wave and blowkiss at people. Everybody watching laughs at Nelson in the same way he normally does to them.
150 - Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
- Assassination attempt #1: Vidal attempts to poison the water Grandpa's false teeth are kept in. It fails when Grandpa breaks the glass and puts his alarm clock in his mouth instead.
Vidal: He's more clever than he looks.
- Assassination attempt #2:
(cut to Vidal dressed as Homer)
Fernando Vidal: D'oh! Not again!
Mr. Burns: (dressed as Marge) I can't take much more of your blundering numbskullery.
(Smithers enters, dressed as Bart)
Smithers: I'll be in the car dudes.
- Assassination attempt #3.
Fernando Vidal: There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.
(Bursts into retirement home with machine gun and starts randomly firing away)
Jasper: Was that me or was that you?
(Abe runs away screaming from the gunfire, and into next room)
Abe: Nurse! Someone's trying to kill me!
Nurse: Okay, we'll do something about that right away. Let's start by doubling your medication.
(Vidal comes through and shoots everywhere. Nurse pulls out shotgun)
Nurse: (BANG) OUR RESIDENTS- (PUMP,BANG) ARE TRYING- (PUMP,BANG) TO NAP!
(Vidal runs away)
- "Ah, Del Monte! Enjoy them, old man, for they will be your last!"
- Bart saying that Grandpa's story is gibberish, followed by Grandpa showing his Hellfish tattoo distorted by his wrinkles and Bart calling it "wrinkly gibberish".
151 - Much Apu About Nothing
152 - Homerpalooza
- Lisa and Bart watching Cypress Hill performing:
Bart: (sniffing) What is that smell?
- Otto noticing his shoes are talking.
- Later, backstage at the festival:
May I have your attention please! Who here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? I repeat, someone here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra! Possibly while high! Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction
(The band members confer in whispers)
B-Real: Uh yeah, I think we did....um, do you guys know 'Insane in the Membrane'?
Violinist: We mainly play classical, but I suppose we could give it a shot.
(Cypress Hill begin to perform 'Insane in the Membrane' with the orchestra backing)
153 - Summer of 4 Ft. 2
154 - Treehouse of Horror VII
- In the opening, Homer is lighting a jack o' lantern, but he accidentally catches his hand on fire, then his whole body, and he starts running around screaming.
- From the first segment "The Thing and I": Lisa suggesting Radio Shack as a possible place that Hugo may be hiding.
- From the third segment "Citizen Kang":
- The alien Kodos disguised as President Bill Clinton:
Kodos: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
- Marge watches a newscast about the election:
Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman here, with Campaign '96: America Flips A Coin. At an appearance this morning, Bill Clinton made some rather cryptic remarks, which aides attributed to an overly tight necktie.
Kodos: I am Clin-ton! As overlord, all will kneel before me and obey my brutal commands. (crosses arms over chest) End communication.
Marge: Hmm, that's Slick Willie for you, always with the smooth talk.
- Kang's political speech when disguised as Bob Dole:
Kang: Abortions for all.
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone.
Crowd: Yaaaaaaay! (waves miniature flags)
- How Kang and Kodos stop the Fridge Logic that would occur from just voting a third-party candidate:
Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us.
Man 1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man 2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
(Ross Perot scowls and furiously punches a hole in his "Perot '96" hat)
- Later, when everybody on Earth is forced into slavery under Kang's control of power.
Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos! (gets whipped)
155 - You Only Move Twice
- As Homer and Marge are trying to sell their house in order to move to Cypress Creek:
Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines and rearrange your carefully shelved items. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
Homer: Thank you, come again!
- Just about anything Hank Scorpio says or does:
- Hank introduces himself to the family at their new house.
Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush.
Hank: We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush; they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.
- Homer leaning about his new job from Hank.
Hank: The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?
Hank: Three... Two... (phone rings) One second... (he answers it) Hello?
(Homer falls backwards and says "D'oh)
Hank: Oh, my God, there a guy on the floor. (helps Homer up) Uh, that was a phone call; don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.
- Hank telling Homer where to buy hammocks, which was a Throw It In on Al Brooks' part, which is why Homer can barely keep up.
- Hank Scorpio's brief conversation with a government spy who is cuffed to a table.
James Bont: Scorpio, you're totally mad! Do you expect me to talk?
Hank: I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral. You're gonna die now!
- Homer has to quit his job for his family and Hank Scorpio has a bizarre last request for him.
Hank: But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help me a lot. (grabs flamethrower, starts attacking soldiers with it while laughing) Hey Homer, you're missing out on some fun!
156 - The Homer They Fall
- The Fan Man chasing after Moe (who stole his fan so he can rescue Homer from being beaten up by Drederick Tatum)
157 - Burns, Baby Burns
- A lot of Larry Burns' lines (no surprise, since Rodney Dangerfield voiced him)
158 - Bart After Dark
- Bart's victory chant before falling off the roof of the house ("S-U-C-C-E-E-S. That's the way you spell success!")
- Homer Simpson's using a grocery bag as pants since he can't find them.
- The first day of Bart's job at the La Maison Derrière. Abe Simpson is whistling casually, walking into the place AND walk back out once he sees Bart. He then opens the door again leading to this conversation:
Abe: Is your name 'Bart'?
Abe: What the—?! Does your father know you're working here?!
Bart: It was his idea.
Abe: In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour.
- In fact, majority of the guys (and possibly a few girls like Patty) in Springfield visits there when Marge has a meeting and shows the slides of the 'local' visitors. A brick joke that Chief Wiggum was shown twice and no one seems to know the local drunk, Barney.
- Who could forget Skinner meeting Bart over there.
Skinner: Oh, I hope I didn't miss the floor show.
Skinner: Is Roxanne back?
Skinner: Did she, uh, get my flowers?
Bart: She did.
Skinner: *turns around to see him* Hello, Bart.
Bart: Hello, Principal Skinner.
- After Marge realize that everyone doesn't want to tear down the burlesque house, she was going to sing but accidentally hits the lever of the bulldozer and accidentally tears down part of the house. Cue to everyone's' death stare at her.
159 - A Milhouse Divided
- Homer laughing at Kirk (Milhouse's dad) after finding his messed up demo tape, "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"
- Kirk getting his car stolen by Starla
- Bart hitting Homer with a chair (after seeing Luann's new boyfriend withstand a chair hit) while Homer is enjoying a nice bath.
- A subtle one: Kirk mentions that Starla works as a temp for a radio station called KZOG Radio 530 and is going to help him launch his singing career by playing his demo tape. Radio stations with the call number 530 are used for traffic broadcasts, and wouldn't air music in the first place, making Kirk stupider for believing in his skank girlfriend.
- Milhouse's dad trying to win back Luann by singing to her at Homer and Marge's remarriage — only to get shot down.
- Marge hiding the plate of Allied Biscuits after Luann mentions that Kirk's cracker factory plunged to sixth place with Table Time and Allied Biscuit.
- Homer mentioning the comic strip premise of "Love Is..." ("It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married...")
160 - Lisa's Date with Density
- During Band Class:
Crowd: "Lisa likes Nelson!"
Milhouse: "She does not!"
Crowd: "Milhouse likes Lisa!"
Janey: "He does not!"
Crowd: "Janey likes Milhouse!"
Uter: "She does not!"
Crowd: "Uter likes Milhouse!"
Mr. Largo: "NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!"
- Later, Lisa gets Milhouse to pass a love note to Nelson. Nelson reads note, then looks over at Milhouse, who waves at him. Next thing you know Milhouse is on a stretcher, being loaded into an ambulance. When Lisa tries to apologize to him the paramedic tells her "He can't hear you now. We had to pack his ears with gauze."
- Nelson helps Willie clean up the grounds as part of his detention:
Nelson: (holding a buzzing hornet's nest on a rake) Hey Willie, catch the football! (flings the hornet's nest at Willie)
- Homer's telemarketing message keeps calling the Flanders house well-into the night. Ned keeps answering the phone, which annoys Maude to no end.
- "Ned, did you plug that phone back in?" "Shut up!"
161 - Hurricane Neddy
- Flanders verbally attacking everyone after his house collapses and his attempts to keep calm fall through.
- Ned arrives at Calmwood Mental Hospital, driving straight through the front gates. And as he checks in:
Ned: I just attacked all my friends and neighbors just for trying to help me. I'd like to commit myself.
Nurse: Very well. Shall I show you to your room, or would you prefer to be dragged off kicking and screaming?
Ned: Ooh, kicking and screaming, please.
Nurse: As you wish.
(two orderlies grab Ned and drag him away)
- A therapist, Dr. Foster tries to get Ned Flanders to express his repressed anger, so he makes Homer read insults to Ned from cue cards. The window separating the two guys rolls down.
Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.
Ned: Well howdy, Homer! (partition slides up) Thanks for dropping by!
Dr. Foster: Hmm. He's not responding. Proceed to level 2 antagonism. (partition slides down)
Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.
Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder. (partition slides up) Thanks for dropping by!
Dr. Foster: Ah, he's still repressing. Maximum hostility factor. (partition slides down)
Homer: I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry!
162 - El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of [Our] Homer)
- Bart sees something outside the bathroom window.
Bart: (noticing Homer's silhouette in the lighthouse light) Hey Lisa, is that dad?
Lisa: Either that or Batman really let himself go.
- Homer: IN YOUR FACE, SPACE COYOTE!
Marge: (with much confusion) Space coyote?
- Homer: Oh man, this is crazy! I hope I didn't brain my damage!
- Homer: A ghost train! And so little time to get out of the way. Now less! Now none!
- Homer meets his spirit guide:
Homer: Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? Should I get rid of all my possessions?
Space Coyote: Are you kidding?! If anything you should get more possessions! You don't even have a computer.
- As Homer finds ways to rationalize his journey was All Just a Dream:
Homer: And that talkin' coyote was really just a talkin' dog.
Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate.
Homer: Wait a minute, dogs can't talk!
(The dog barks)
Homer: Damn straight.
- The entire bit with Homer and the turtle.
163 - The Springfield Files
- Leonard Nimoy's introduction:
Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.
- Just before his encounter with the alien, Homer comes across a giant billboard reading "DIE". He screams. A wind blows a tree aside, revealing that it said "DIET". He screams again. As he runs away from the sign, his dad appears from behind the trees.
Abe: Oh, son, I'm glad to see ya. I went for the morning paper and I got lost! And-
Homer: No time for you, old man. (he shoves his dad to the ground and continues running)
- After Homer first sees the alien who turns out to be a heavily drugged Mr. Burns, he runs from the alien screaming "Yahhh!" and manages to spell it out as he runs through the tall grass, even leaping to get the exclamation mark down.
- Chief Wiggum: I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter... (First in response to Homer's alien sighting, then to an arsonist turning himself in.)
- "HUMAN BLIMP SEES FLYING SAUCER"
Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away."
[Holds up newspaper reading HUMAN BLIMP SEES FLYING SAUCER]
Scully: Well, gee, Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: Gah, I hardly think the FBI's concerned with matters like that.
- Also, Homer failing the lie detector test in a most explosive manner.
Agent Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
(The polygraph abruptly explodes upon Homer's answer being registered)
- The police line up scene featuring nothing but famous famous aliens, including Marvin The Martian, Gort, ALF, Chewbacca and Kang(or is it Kodos?) from the series proper is a neat little visual gag.
- And the commentary reveals they didn't bother getting the copyright for any of them, calling it the most illegal shot in animation history. Though the only complaint they got was from the creator of ALF, who was only upset that he didn't get to do the voice.
- Homer shows Agents Scully and Mulder the place where he saw the alien. This time, Grampa emerges from behind some bushes.
Abe: For the love of God, help me! I've been here for four days and a turtle's got ahold of my teeth! (he points to the turtle) There he is!
(The turtle with Grampa's teeth starts to walk away and Abe slowly chases after it)
Abe: Come back here, you! Slow down! I'll get ye. (he grunts as he keeps trying to catch the turtle)
Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.
Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?
(At this point, the turtle turns its mouth to bite Grampa's index finger.)
Abe: Ow! He bit me with my own teeth!
- Scully rolling her eyes as Mulder goes on yet another rant about the paranormal, followed by him finishing long after everyone is gone.
- "The unsolved mysteries of... Unsolved Mysteries! The truth is out there!"
- According to the commentary, they just let David Duchovny just ramble on about conspiracies and took some small bits to use for that sequence. According to Matt Groening, he managed to go on for 2 continuous hours before he ran out of steam.
- And the part where Moe and two Mexican workers are trying to get the killer whale they kidnapped back to Sea World by carrying it.
"Who'd a thought a whale could be so heavy?" (sees Mulder) Cheese it! The Feds!"
- The part at the end of act two where Nimoy is told he has ten minutes left - then runs to his car and never comes back (save for a cheap appearance during the alien sighting carnival in act three).
164 - The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
- Everyone using Marge's pretzels to pelt Whitey Ford (and Homer wanting Marge to rename her pretzels "Whitey Whackers")
- The "Whack-A-Mole" couch gag, which features the clown hallucination music from "Homer the Clown"
165 - Mountain of Madness
- Mr. Burns decides to hold a plant fire drill. The entire scene has several highlights, but this was the best.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, what's a good time for a plant evacuation?
Smithers: 45 seconds.
Mr. Burns: And how long has it been?
Smithers: I don't know sir. This stopwatch won't go past 15 minutes.
- Keep in mind that not one person has gotten out yet.
- Then Homer gets out first, and barricades the rest in by blocking the door.
Homer: I think I won, Mr. Burns!
- Later, as Homer and Mr. Burns are trapped inside the snowed-in cabin:
Mr. Burns: I'll kill you, you bloated museum of treachery!
Homer: You and What Army?
? (he imagines Nazi snowmen behind Mr. Burns and shrieks)
Stand back! I have powers! Uh, political powers!
Imaginary Lincoln: (swinging a chain) IIIIIIIT'S SHOWTIME!
166 - Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
- The Krusty Komedy Klassic. It's not a good idea to have a comedy special at the Apollo Theater when your special's initials are "KKK" and said initials are in white -- and appear behind you onstage.
- At the end of Shary Bobbins' bedtime song, "A Boozehound Named Barney":
Shary: And so, let us leave, on this heartwarming scene...
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not 'til you're 15.
- If you cut every corner there'll be more time for play, it's the American way!
- Bart's method of cutting costs.
Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up!
Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Lisa: But he didn't DO anything!
Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? Hey, wait a minute, HE DIDN'T! (Homer snatches the dollar out of Bart's hands)
- Kearney muttering, "You're telling me, ya blue-haired witch" after Marge rejects him.
- Marge imagining herself with Homer's "combover" (the two strands and zigzag line that Homer has left of his hair).
167 - The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
- The Itchy & Scratchy writers seemed to have taken Homer's suggestion to not kill Poochie off to heart....or have they?
Itchy: Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?
Yes, I certainly do! (his voice changes to Roger Meyers, Jr.)
I have to go now. My planet needs me
- Krusty's argument with Roger Myers Jr.
Hey, Krusty, you look great. You get your teeth bleached? Krusty:
Yeah, it's a new kind of polymer treatment... HEY, SHUT UP
! You're here 'cause your Itchy & Scratchy cartoons are stinking up my ratings! [points to a ratings chart] Krusty:
Look at this breakdown of yesterday's show! Roger:
What happened here? Lightning hit the transmitter? Krusty:
See, that what I thought at first, but then... HEY, SHUT UP! That crater is where your lousy cartoon crash-landed! It's ratings poison! Roger:
But Itchy & Scratchy is critically acclaimed. Krusty:
ACCLAIMED? PAH! I ought to replace it right now with a Chinese cartoon where robots turn into blingwads! But I'm a lazy, lazy man, Roger. So I'm gonna give you one more chance. Now get out! Don't come back till you've fixed Itchy & Scratchy. [Roger Myers Jr. slams the door so hard it breaks off, showing Sideshow Mel in the waiting room] Krusty's Secretary: [off-screen]
Okay, Mel, you can go in now. Sideshow Mel: [walks into Krusty's office]
Krusty, I've come to solicit donations for the Rock 'n' Roll Museum, and... [Krusty still has an angry face from his argument with Roger Myers Jr.] Sideshow Mel:
I'll come back later.
- The Leaning on the Fourth Wall gags with [[Remember the New Guy Roy].
- The family's reaction to Homer asking them what they thought about Poochie.
Lisa: Mom, can we go to bed without dinner?
Marge: Yes we can.
168 - Homer's Phobia
- Homer, in a desperate attempt to either scare his son straight or show him what it means to be a real man's man, takes his son to a tour of a steel mill. But then it falls apart when the steel mill is staffed by every Hard Gay and Camp Gay stereotype, both of which are cranked Up to Eleven.
- "Hot stuff comin' through!"
Bart: Dad...why did you bring me to a gay steel mill'?
Homer: (breaking down sobbing) I don't know! This is a nightmare! (to the gay workers): You're all sick!
Random Mill Worker: Oh, be nice.
Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay! (break whistle blows): Oh my God, what's happening now?
Foreman: We work hard, We play hard.
(The steel mill then turns into a stereotypical gay nightclub, complete with smoke machines, flashing lights, and man dancing in front of a slow-moving fan while his and the fan's shadows are cast all about.)
- Earlier, he makes him sit in front of a huge billboard ad for cigarettes showing two sexy girls pillow fighting:
Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel?
Bart: I don't know. I kind of want a cigarette.
- This line.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FUH-LAMING
- Marge tries to delicately break it to Homer that John is gay, but he keeps missing her hints.
Marge: He enjoys the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn't?
169 - Brother from Another Series
- Lisa believing that stopping Cecil, Sideshow Bob's brother, cannot be done.
Lisa: Oh, it's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless.
Sideshow Bob: Oh, I see. When it's one of my evil schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you, it's "hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless!"
- This moment after Cecil's plan failed.
Chief Wiggum: Well that's some good work, Lou. You'll make Sergeant for this.
Lou: Uh... I already am Sergeant, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Perhaps you are - But I say Bob goes back to jail!
Sideshow Bob: But surely... I mean— I caught Cecil!?
Chief Wiggum: Maybe so. But Lou here says you were resisting arrest.
Lou: No, I didn't, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Quiet, Lou - or I will bust you down to Sergeant so fast, it'll make your head spin!
- Homer finding Ralph Wiggum on his lawn (still in bed) after the water from the broken dam crashes through the town (and surprisingly causes no damage) and Ralph whines, "I think I wet my bed!"
- This beauty of a Shout-Out:
Guess who? Cecil: Maris?
170 - My Sister, My Sitter
- Though a very polarized episode (with more people hating it because of Bart being a Jerkass and the fact that there's no way in hell an eight-year-old would be allowed to babysit if this show followed reality), there is one genuinely funny part: Chief Wiggum confusing a Bob Saget live comedy special for a Bob Seger concert.
- The world's first two-story outhouse.
- At Dr. Nicks, Snake checking himself in after claiming he fell onto a bullet, and that it got lodged into his gut. The receptionist ticks off 'Liquor store robbery' on a checklist of reasons why people are checking themselves in.
- The actual list contains the following options: Unusual Sex Practice, Looter's Hernia, Mexican Stand-Off, Prison Tunnel Syndrome, Armed Homeowner, John Gotti's Disease, Allergic Reaction (Mace, Pepper Spray, Bullets) and Liquor Store Robbery.
- Hell everything about Dr. Nick's in this episode is brilliant. His phone book ad that actually says "As Good As Dr. Hibbert," and the motto outside his office "We stitch and don't snitch." And the wheelbarrow line in his office that has Moe with a drunken Barney, a lab monkey with a burnt up Professor Frink and a waiter with a bloated Comic Book Guy.
- When Bart calls a number of people to the house the second last is a government official that results in this hilarious moment;
G-Man: We got a report that a Lisa Simpson spotted a UFO.
Lisa: I didn't see any UFO!
G-Man: That's right Miss. You. Didn't.
[He gestures in the negative to a scientist a few feet away with a syringe.]
171 - Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
- When Prohibition is declared in Springfield, Homer comes up with a surprisingly clever workaround. He garners a large amount of money, which impresses Marge. Naturally, Lisa calls Homer out for his actions. The response that she gets is a simultaneous "Go to Your Room, Lisa!" from Homer, Marge, and Bart, complete with pointing upstairs.
- Rex Banner looks over Springfield, determined to stop the alcohol bootlegging.
Rex Banner: You're out there somewhere Beer Baron. And I'll find you.
Rex Banner: Yes I will!
Homer: (faint again) ... Won't!
- Homer runs out of liquor and decides to brew his own.
Marge: What on earth happened down there?
Homer: Uh, nothing, Marge. I think it must have been that bean I had for dinner!
Homer: Kamboom! Blam! Oh, excuse me again, dear.
Marge: Homer, there's no point in pretending you're making those noises. Your homemade liquor is exploding again.
Homer: What's that, dear? Kablamo!
Marge: You made a little money, and had the fun of being a wanted criminal; why not give it up, while you're ahead?
- Then Homer goes downstairs and there's another explosion. A few seconds later he runs outside on fire, rolls around screaming until the fire is out, then stands up and calmly says "I've thought about what you said, honey, and I've decided to quit."
- Homer's toast after the Prohibition law was repealed (which, in a lot of funny and sad cases, is Truth in Television).
Homer: To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems!
- When Rex Banner unwittingly steps onto the catapult, Wiggum gives the word to launch him. What really sells it is Quimby's perfectly deadpan response:
Quimby: That was unexpected.
- The scene where Helen Lovejoy and a group of women come into Moe's after the prohibition law has been put into effect has this gem
Chief Wiggum: Better put on the old Wiggum charm! *he starts to walk towards the group of women, moving and humming like he's had a few drinks beforehand*
Helen Lovejoy: *Gasps, then shrieks* PERVERT!!!!!!
Chief Wiggum: Oh boy, that sounded bad...
172 - Grade School Confidential
- This gag that further proves that Krusty is illiterate (or, at the very least, semi-literate):
Maude Flanders: We're talking about S-E-X! In front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they shut that place down!
- After Skinner and Edna request to tell the town their side of the story.
Chalmers: Oh, yeah, that'll be real productive. Who do you want to talk to first? The guy with a bumblebee suit or the one with a bone through his hair?
Sideshow Mel: My opinions are as valid as the next man's!
- After Skinner reluctantly to the townspeople that he's a virgin, a beat is followed by:
Homer: Hey, does this mean that Mrs. Krabappel is a virgin, too?
- The kids getting sick at Martin's party, including Nelson getting a stomach ache after punching Martin in the stomach, Bart feeding his oysters to the cat, and Lisa telling Bart that she faked food poisoning (since she's a vegetariannote ) just so she can leave.
173 - The Canine Mutiny
- The cops having a pot party after the blind man claims that his marijuana was medically prescribed to him for his eyesight.
- This exchange:
Groundskeeper Willie: I bought your mutt, and I 'ate him! (Begins to eat a leg of meat)
Bart: (horrified) You ate him?
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye. I 'ate his little face, I 'ate his guts, and I 'ate the way he's always barking. So I sent him to church.
Bart: (relieved) Oh, you hated him, so you sent him to church!
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on the rug. (Bart stares at him in confusion) You heard me!
174 - The Old Man and the Lisa
- Mr. Burns is the guest speaker at Lisa's "Junior Achievers" club:
Lisa: Does your plant have a recycling program?
Mr. Burns: (confused) "Re-cy-cling"? (He turns his mental dictionary to "R", and searches but doesn't find "recycle" anywhere)'' I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term, you adorable little ragamuffin.
Lisa: You never heard of recycling? It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources.
Mr. Burns: Ooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?
Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing? Well, I say "hard cheese"!
- Later, the bankrupt Mr. Burns has to sell his house to Bret "The Hitman" Hart:
Real Estate Agent: And, I'm sure a pro-wrestler such as yourself will appreciate all the closet space, Hitman.
Bret Hart: (sniffs) Eww! This place has got old-man stink!
Smithers: (to Mr. Burns) Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk.
175 - In Marge We Trust
- The "Mr. Sparkle" commercial.
- Flanders' incessant calls about his alleged sins being the reason why Reverend Lovejoy has stopped caring about helping others.
- Homer's line, "Now that's religion!" after Reverend Lovejoy recounts his fight with the monkeys at the zoo.
176 - Homer's Enemy
- The rats running into Moe's Tavern after the abandoned factory collapses ("Okay, everybody tuck your pants into your shoes!")
- Though considered offensive by some, Frank Grimes' mental breakdown and death is considered funny and well-deserved by those who think Frank Grimes was too mean to Homer.
177 - The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
- "Look, Big Daddy! It's regular daddy."
- The end showing all the crazy plots for future episodes (most of which have come true in some capacity), and the newer episodes allegedly featuring a tiny, green space alien named Ozmodiar that only Homer can seenote .
178 - The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
- Bart puts 15 megaphones end-to-end, making the amplification louder, and says "TESTING!". The result is a sonic feedback loop so huge, it sends a shockwave throughout all of Springfield, breaking every window in the process and even Homer's Duff beer bottles.
- Bart nailing all of his targets during his artillery practice — and missing one. Turns out he did hit his target: Principal Skinner's car just as Skinner was about to get in it
- There's also the fact that while everyone else at the shooting range was using single-shot rifles, the instructor assumed that because Bart had attended public school he would have proficiency in small arms, so he moved him up to something a little more advanced - a grenade launcher.