Funny: The Simpsons Seasons 1 To 8
open/close all folders
1 - Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
- Homer answers the phone.
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: Who is this?
Patty: Can I speak to Marge?
Homer: (irritated) This is one of her sisters, isn't it?
Patty: Is Marge there?
Homer: Who shall I say is calling?
Patty: Marge please.
- Bart steps into a tattoo parlor.
Bart: One "Mother," please.
Tattoo Artist: Wait a minute, how old are you?
- After coming home to rest, Patty & Selma irked him into buying a Christmas tree.
Homer: Merry Christmas.
Patty: It's Christmas? You wouldn't notice that around here.
Homer: (about to go upstairs) And why is that?
Selma: Well, for one thing there's no tree.
Homer: Well I was just on my way out to get one!
Lisa: Can we go too, dad?
Bart: Yeah, can we?
Homer: NO!! (slams the door)
2 - Bart the Genius
Teacher: You know what happens when you mix acids with bases, don't you?
*Everyone and everything is covered in green goop*
*The two hamsters run away*
- After Bart confesses to Homer, Homer switches and chases a naked Bart to his room, leading to Homer angrily beating on the door and this simple gem of a dialogue.
Marge: What's going on with those two?
3 - Homer's Odyssey
- Headline: "Enough already, Homer Simpson!"
4 - There's No Disgrace Like Home
- Marge singing "Hey brother, Pour the Wine" at the company picnic.
- When Homer rescues Marge from herself, her head is tilted back and her mouth is hanging open! Marge is completely gone!
- The visit to Dr. Marvin Monroe. ("My finger slipped. *bzzt* AAAH!" "So did mine!") At the height of it, they burden the energy grid, causing all the lights in the city block to flicker.
5 - Bart the General
- Abe tells Bart to stand up for himself when Nelson bullies him, only for Jasper to walk through and take his newspaper despite his protests.
- Any scene with Herman, the one-armed military antiques store owner.
- One of the words Abe doesn't want to hear on TV again: "family jewels". Earlier, Homer claiming kicking people in the "family jewels" is a traditional Simpson technique.
6 - Moaning Lisa
- Homer and Bart play a video boxing game:
Homer: Come on, come on, let's go.
Bart: (as announcer) In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of the town, Battling Bart Simpson! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by knock-out...
Homer: Must you do this every time...
Bart: Homer "the Human Punching Bag" Simpson!
- Followed by a KO in the first round.
- Bart's boxer defeating Homer's boxer by punching his head off. Bear in mind this was a couple years before Mortal Kombat was made.
- There's also the last scene of that arc, which has Homer about to beat Bart thanks to lessons from a local video game wizard...and then Marge switches the game off to announce Lisa's recovery from depression, allowing Bart to quickly retire from video boxing to preserve his record as the undefeated champion.
7 - The Call of the Simpsons
8 - The Telltale Head
9 - Life on the Fast Lane
- Homer being so depressed, he doesn't even react to getting hit in the head.
Bart: Dad, you didn't even say, "Ouch!"
Homer: Oh sorry. Ouch.
Homer: My birthday?
Homer: It's my birthday?! What do I get? I love birthdays!
Marge: No, Homer! It's mine!
10 - Homer's Night Out
- Homer about to strangle Bart after finding out he was the one who took the picture of him dancing with Princess Kashmir, but getting stopped by Marge, who strangles Homer for dancing with the stripper in the first place.
Homer: Why you little...
Marge: Why you big...(to Bart): Bart, go to your room!
Bart: I'm ootta here.
Homer: Look, Marge? Honey? Baby? Doll?
Marge: Homer, I don't even want to look at you right now.
Homer: What are you saying, honey?
[points out the door]
Homer: But, where would I sleep?
Marge: My suggestion, is for you to sleep in the filth you created!!
[Marge slams the door in annoyance]
- Homer stays at Barney's apartment room.
Homer: (looking out the window) Hey Barney, see those tiny rows of light? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that's rough, pal. (leaves offscreen) Hello? Is this Marge? Turn off the damn porch light!
[Homer sees Barney on the phone]
Barney: Homer's not made of money, you know.
[Homer grabs the phone from him]
Marge: (through the phone) Who is this?
Homer: Don't listen to him, Marge! He's—
Marge: It's you! Hmph! (hangs up)
11 - The Crepes of Wrath
- Homer miraculously recovering from his back injury when Bart agrees to go to France on foreign exchange.
- Homer's final promise to Albanian exchange student/spy Adil has humor in it: as Adil is being loaded onto the plane to be deported, Homer tearfully promises to send him "those civil defense plans you wanted!".
- Bart: (sincere) "Bye, Spanky."
- The Krusty doll repeating the lines "I like to play with you" over and over until the batteries die.
12 - Krusty Gets Busted
- Krusty's on-air heart attack.
- An old clip of Sideshow Bob smothering a pie in Krusty's face and Krusty decking him in response.
- Everyone laughing at Homer when they see in the surveillance video that Homer screamed and jumped into the chips when she saw "Krusty" carry a gun.
- Krusty nearly blowing things at his trial from the beginning.
Judge: Krusty the Clown, how do you plead?
Krusty: I plead guilty, your honor!
The crowd gasps. Krusty's attorney whispers something to him.
Krusty: (laughing) Oh, sorry, I mean not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.
13 - Some Enchanted Evening
- "Leave Homer?!" "Don't use his name!" "Leave Pedro?!"
- The entire Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service scene. Marge calls but the family is blacklisted from there because the kids are hellians. Homer calls back using the fake name "Sampson" just for the receptionist to badmouth The Simpsons, referring to Homer as the big ape father. Homer's facial expressions are hysterical.
Bart: You don't have a clue, do ya dad?
Homer: (throws shaving cream at him) Out, boy! Out!
Bart: (leaving) What a grump!
- Homer at the flower shop.
Homer: I'd like some flowers.
Florist: What kind of flowers?
Homer: Y'know, pretty ones. Not dead.
Florist: We have some beautiful long-stem roses. They're $55 a dozen.
Homer: One, please.
14 - Bart Gets an "F"
15 - Simpson and Delilah
- This dialogue:
Marge: I love you, Homer!
Homer: I love you, Karl! Uh, Marge!
- The third thing Homer says to Bart that'll haunt him:
Homer: Baldness is hereditary!
Bart: (worried) It is?
16 - Treehouse of Horror
- Bad Dream House
Ominous Voice: They are all against you, Bart... You must kill them all... They all must die!
Bart: Are you my conscience?
Ominous Voice: I- Yes, I am...
Homer: (Calling the estate agent) Mr. Bloot? Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS BUILT ON AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! ... NO YOU DIDN'T! ... Well, that's not my recollection ... Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye! (hangs up) He said he mentioned it five or six times.
Bart: Hey, do the thing!
Ominous Voice: What?
Bart: Make the walls bleed!
Ominous Voice: No!
Bart: Hey come on, man! We own you!
Ominous Voice: I don't have to entertain you!
Bart: Hey come on! Do it! Do the blood thing! Come on, do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
17 - Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
- The song on Mr. Burns' campaign commercial: "Only a moron wouldn't count his vote/For Monty Burns!"
- The state motto: "Not Just Another State"
18 - Dancin' Homer
- After Mr. Burns throws the first pitch in the baseball game, Homer and Bart heckle him.
Bart: Hey, you throw like my sister, man!
Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me!
19 - Dead Putting Society
- Homer is so confident that Bart will win the miniature golf tournament that he places a written wager with Flanders, involving the loser's father mowing the winner's lawn in a dress. At Flanders' insistence, Marge changes the loser part to say "the father of the boy who doesn't win". After Bart and Todd agree to a draw, Flanders believes it's a tie and they can put it behind them now. But Homer reminded them the wager is for the boy "who doesn't win", Flanders says they both have to get mowing. Lisa comments that she's going to need therapy in the future. Homer's plan backfires since Ned enjoys it, as it reminds him of his fraternity days. Homer can be heard muttering words of lament as the episode ends.
20 - Bart vs. Thanksgiving
- Bart passing out in the gutter after donating blood on the bad side of town (and using Homer's driver's license to get away with it).
- "It's your fault America lost it's way!"
21 - Bart the Daredevil
22 - Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
- Maggie knocking out Homer in a parody of the shower scene from Psycho.
- "AND THE HORSE I RODE IN ON!?"
- During Marge's protest, she asks if anyone can sympathize with her about her daughter hitting her husband on the head with a mallet. She gets chants from several fathers with bandages on their heads.
23 - Bart Gets Hit by a Car
- Mr. Burns invites Homer and Marge to his home in hopes of making a cash settlement, but first he offers some wine.
Mr. Burns: There's plenty more where that came from.
Homer: Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk?
24 - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
25 - The Way We Was
- Bart pretending to gag and choke after Homer and Marge's heart-warming ending.
- Teenaged Homer telling teenaged Barney that he doesn't need English class because he's never going to go to England (funnier still when you realize that Homer would end up in England on the season 15 episode "The Regina Monologues")
26 - Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment
- The rude cashier:
Marge: I ate two grapes, so you may charge me.
Cashier: Two grapes!? Are you kidding me?
Marge: Just do it.
Cashier: (sighs) Hey! I need a price check on two grapes. That's right, two measley stinkin' grapes! (all while Marge gives a 'are you happy now' look at Lisa, who gives a 'yes I am' look back.)
27 - Principal Charming
28 - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
- Bart's "Bastard, bastard" song after trying to defend the use of the word (Bart was using it right in describing Herbert Powell, as Herbert was the product of a one-night stand between Grampa Simpson [who was single at the time] and a dunk-tank carny who had sex with men for money)
29 - Bart's Dog Gets an "F"
30 - Old Money
31 - Brush with Greatness
- Homer getting stuck on the water slide at Mount Splashmore, along with the news broadcasts about Homer's weight.
- Also, Homer's swim trunks have a smiley face across the seat, but when he pulls them on, the smiley face turns to a frowny face.
- The kids pestering Homer into taking the family to Mt. Splashmore after hearing Krusty's none-too-subtle song about it on TV.
32 - Lisa's Substitute
33 - The War of the Simpsons
34 - Three Men and a Comic Book
- The Comic Book Guy's sarcasm is funnier here than it would be in later episodes.
- Marge telling Homer to check on Bart and his friends, as they're in the treehouse and it's beginning to storm. Homer lazily looks out the window as lightning strikes the tree and says, "They're fine."
35 - Blood Feud
- When Homer is posing as Mr. Burns at the Post Office to reclaim a very insulting letter he wrote to him earlier.
Homer: (using fake voicenote ) Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: (still using fake voice) ...
I don't know!
(cut to Homer and Bart outside the Post Office)
Homer: (sarcastically) Great plan, Bart.
- This comment from Mr. Burns, after reading Homer's letter:
I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant
- Homer's letter to Mr. Burns:
Dear Mr. Burns,
I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your card was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You.. Stink! You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl-arms, and you smell like an elephant's butt.
36 - Stark Raving Dad
- The mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson (with the real Michael Jackson providing his speaking voice; Kipp Lennon did his singing voice on the "Lisa It's Your Birthday" sequence), had the show on the cusp of its arguable golden age with gags such as this phone call to Bart, who is understandably incredulous that the person on the other end is Jackson:
"Michael": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution.
Bart: Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?
"Michael": He could be. It's a big hospital.
- This bit:
Bart: Mom, Dad's in a mental hospital!
Marge: Oh, dear. Mother was right.
- Another "this bit:"
Homer: (on the phone with Bart) Boy! When I get home I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and... (sees asylum doctors looking at him questioningly) ...and smother you with kisses.
Bart: Geez, Dad, whatever they have you on, cut the dose.
- When Marge is trying to convince one of the hospital doctors to release Homer:
Marge: If you'd just talk to my husband for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd realize how sane he is.
Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
37 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
- The airplane scene, when Bart is moved to the cockpit:
Pilot: The controls on the plane are similar to the ones on your bicycle. So, do you wanna see where we hang up our coats?
Bart: No thanks. I'd rather just push this button.
Pilot: No! (Bart pushes it, oxygen masks fall out of compartments over passengers)
Homer: (Screams) We're all gonna die! (Passengers scream as the plane lands)
- The Simpsons touring Washington D.C.:
- Visiting the Smithsonian:
Homer: (On a balcony seeing money being pressed) Oh, money... (Drools)
Worker: (Homer's drool lands on his head.) Hey! Watch it, chief!
Marge: Oh look, Homer! It's the IRS.
IRS agent: (Peeks out of window) Oh, boo yourself.
- The National Air and Space Museum:
Bart: (Inside the cockpit of an airplane, pretending to fly it and making sound effects.)
Homer: Bart! Get out of the Spirit of St. Louis!
Bart: (Ignores him, continues to make sound effects.)
- The pianist at the contest annoying Bart so much he finally slingshots him while singing a song about Lisa.
Bart: Lis, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.
38 - When Flanders Failed
- Bart trying to fight back against Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney when the trio are harassing Lisa. The trouble is, Bart skipped out on all of his karate lessons and only knows how to do "The Touch of Death" from playing video games.
39 - Bart the Murderer
- Fat Tony "explains" to Bart how hijacking a truckload of cigarettes isn't wrong.
Bart: Are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Say Bart, is it wrong for a man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his starving family?
Fat Tony: Suppose you have a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Fat Tony: And say your family don't like bread, they like... cigarettes.
Bart: I guess that's OK.
Fat Tony: And what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: ...Hell no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your present.
40 - Homer Defined
- As the plant is about to catastrophically melt down, Mr. Burns is putting on an advanced radiation suit while Smithers stands by.
Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
Mr. Burns: (annoyed) Oh, how the hell should I know?
- The suit is clearly labelled "Smithers" by the way.
- Also, this moment only seconds away from the meltdown:
Smithers: There may never be another chance to say: I love you, sir."
Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thanks for making my last moments on Earth socially awkward.
41 - Like Father, Like Clown
- This exchange:
Lisa: We've come to talk to you about your son.
Rabbi Krustofski: I have no son! (slams the door)
Bart: Rats. We came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
Rabbi Krustofski: (opens door) I didn't mean that literally! (slams door again)
42 - Treehouse of Horror II
- Jimbo and Kearney threatening to egg Homer's house if Homer doesn't give them any candy — and they still egg the house just because they're pricks.
- The Bart Zone:
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, class, the course of history has been changed once again, in accordance with the answers on Bart Simpon's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by some guy, and our country isn't called America anymore. It's Bonerland.
- Bart's powers force Krusty to stay on TV constantly.
Krusty: Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!!
- "Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"
- "The ball is turning into a fat, bald man! And it's no good!"
- Bart changing homer back into a human after they bond and sharing a lot of heartwarming moments...and then Bart wakes up from his dream screaming his head off.
- In the third segment, Homer gets a job as a grave digger... on the night that Mr. Burns and Smithers are searching for a brain to implant into their new robot.
Mr. Burns: Hello! An open grave! Smithers, get him out quickly; the stench is overpowering.
Smithers: Uh, sir? That's Homer Simpson... (scoff) he wasn't exactly a "model employee."
Well, who is
a model...(Death Glare)
(Smithers' head vanishes, replaced with just a floating brain wearing glasses)
Smithers: (panicking) Simpson will do just fine, sir!
(Smithers is dragging the bag with Homer in it over rocks, etc., making him moan in pain.)
Smithers: Did you hear that, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The booger man?!
Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir; I think he's alive!
Mr. Burns: (walks over to the bag, wielding a shovel)
Bad corpse! (thwack)
Bad corpse! (thwack) Stop! (thwack) Scaring! (thwack) Smithers! (Homer whimpers inside the bag)
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
- Mr. Burns is removing Homer's brain from his head so it can be placed into the robot.
Mr. Burns: Smithers hand me that ice cream scoop.
Smithers: Ice cream scoop?
Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
- "Well, now that I've saved the world maybe I oughta spruce-up the ol' homestead!"
- "Look at me! I'm Davy Crockett!"
- "AHH! He's got a board... with a nail in it!"
- This hilarious moment when Homer tries to make a wish that can't backfire with the monkey's paw.
Homer: I want a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard and and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. Got it?
(A turkey sandwich appears and Homer eats it.)
Not bad. Nice hot bread, good mustard, the turkey's a little dry- The turkey's a little dry! Oh, what foul demon from the depths of hell created thee?
- The funniest part is that the monkey paw did grant his wish about not having any weird surprises.
43 - Lisa's Pony
- Bart's "Boy of 1000 Voices" act at the talent show, which makes him the boy with 1000 daysnote detention.
- Bart mocking Homer's effeminate tea-party mannerisms while Homer is playing with Lisa, and the two getting chased down by Homer.
44 - Saturdays of Thunder
- Bart initially making his first cart, complete with Homer's absolute obliviousness as to why his son is asking for power tools, capped off by him yelling "BART! You can't weld with such a little flame! Stupid kid." as he and Lisa leave for the video store
- Martin crashing into the wall and catching fire during the soap box derby race.
- Followed by a rescue crew putting out the fire on the racer as Martin runs screaming.
- Barney getting pepper-sprayed after asking Patty and Selma if either of them is Mary Tyler Moore.
- Nelson being told not to smoke in the pit area and Nelson putting the cigarette out on his tongue.
45 - Flaming Moe's
- The Flaming Moe song:
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife
Well don't throw in the towel cause there's
A place right down the block
Where you can drink your miseries away
At Flaming Moes (lets all go Flaming Moes)
Where Liquor in a mug
Can can warm you like a hug
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
46 - Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
- Homer's Dream Sequence in "The Land of Chocolate" is an absolute classic. Just the sheer childlike joy he radiates as he munches on everything in sight (including a chocolate Scottish terrier) is enough to induce helpless giggling.
(Homer is still singing and daydreaming)
Hans: Mr. Simpson?... Mr. Simpson?...
Fritz: (angrily) Mr. Simpson!
Homer: (snapping out) Oh, I'm sorry. We were talking about chocolate?
Fritz: That was ten minutes ago!
- Mr. Burns' reaction to the amount of money he'll get by selling the plant.
- Homer's line of "I have stock?!?" after his stock broker calls him.
47 - I Married Marge
- This absolute classic joke as Homer and Marge leave the cinema after seeing Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
Homer: Wow, what an ending! Who would have ever guessed that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father?
(Everyon in line starts complaining)
Man Waiting To See The Film: Thanks a lot, Mr. Blow-The-Movie-For-Me!
- Bart's first act of random destruction - Setting Homer's tie on fire.
Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE— He did that on purpose!
Marge: Homer, how could he? He's only ten minutes old!
- Dr. Hibbert's horrified reaction upon learning Homer's now a nuclear technician.
- Homer yelling, "D'oh!" (and a man in traction sharing in his pain) after Dr. Hibbert implies that Marge is pregnant.
48 - Radio Bart
- Bart sticking a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on Homer's butt after Homer tells Bart not to use the microphone/radio set for pranks. A very nice visual stealth pun of the phrase, "Your ass is mine" (or "...belongs to me.")
49 - Lisa the Greek
50 - Homer Alone
- Homer getting attacked by Santa's Little Helper while trying to cheer Maggie up with a puppet show.
- Lisa's "Wish I thought of that" after seeing Maggie clutch to the door upon learning that she will be staying with Patty and Selma while Marge is on vacation.
51 - Bart the Lover
- Homer's contributions to the Swear Jar; every time he swears, he has to put in a quarter. This starts a montage of scenes in which he can't control his swearing:
(In church, Homer blindly puts money into a collection plate)
Bart: Homer, that was a twenty!
(Jump Cut to him dropping two coins into the jar.)
(While bowling, the last pin fails to fall over)
Homer: Oh, you son of a—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping more change into the jar.)
(Homer sees Ned Flanders after being suggested by Homer to shave his mustache while taking out the trash.)
Ned: Hey Homer! You know, I owe you one, buddy! No sooner than I shaved off the ol' cookie-duster that a lady cast me in a commercial! (checks mail) I tell you, the way these checks keep coming it, it's almost criminal.
Homer: (after Ned walks away) YOU DIRTY BAS—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping even more change into the jar.)
(Homer finishes building a very shoddy dog house. It doesn't have a door.)
Homer: Whaddya think, Lisa?
Lisa: How's the dog supposed to get in?
Homer: Well, he just goes...(pause) Awwwwww—
(Jump Cut to him dropping still more change into the jar.)
(Homer is asleep in a hammock. Out of nowhere, a beehive falls out and on to his stomach.)
(Jump Cut to a badly stung hand dropping a huge pile of change into the jar.)
- A little later, Homer is building the doghouse and smacks his thumb with a hammer.
Oh. Fudge. That's... broken. (He turns around and steps on a nail, which goes through his foot and sticks out of the top of his shoe.)
Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to... KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! (He does.)
- As for the main story: when the whole family is composing a letter to Ms. Krabappel explaining why "Woodrow" (a fake man Bart made up to screw with her after he saw her personal ad) can't see her again, the family come up with a lot of rejected ideas. Bart's and Homer's are the funniest ones, from Bart suggesting that "crocodiles bit off my face," to Homer repeatedly pitching "Three simple words: I am gay."
- Homer's drunken post card:
Dear Marge, Maybe it's the beer talking, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these giant pretzels eegaaafooa
Five dollars? Get out of here.
52 - Homer at the Bat
- Barney's argument with Wade Boggs:
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! (he punches out Boggs)
Moe: Yeah, that's showin' 'im, Barn! 'Pitt the Elder'...
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON! (he punches out Moe)
- The mishaps of each of the professional players, especially the fate of Ozzie Smith.
Ozzie Smith: (while falling into oblivion) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—Cool!—AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
- Homer winning the game for his team by getting hit in the head with the baseball is funny enough, but then the team's victory photo (which closes out the episode) is even funnier. We see the professional players all reflecting their predicaments (like Ozzie Smith as a ghost, and Ken Griffey Jr. and his gigantism), and an unconscious Homer lying down face-first.
53 - Separate Vocations
54 - Dog of Death
- This conversation between Mr. Burns and Smithers:
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
- Homer and Marge discussing Kent Brockman:
Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: A dinosaur.
55 - Colonel Homer
- Homer is not used to compliments:
Lurleen: Oh Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.
Homer: Thanks! You did say sugar, right?
- Another example:
Homer: Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV!
Lurleen: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: (angrily) Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
- When Lurleen wants Homer to be her manager:
Homer: Really? Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.
Lurleen: That's okay.
Homer: I make a lot of stupid decisions.
Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.
Homer: I did bad in school.
Lurleen: I didn't even go.
Homer: My personal hygeine has been described as...
56 - Black Widower
57 - The Otto Show
58 - Bart's Friend Falls in Love
- The "Homer Sez: Increase Your Wordiness" still, featuring Homer-esque definitions for words he used in the subplot where Marge tries to order him a subliminal weight-loss tape, but the company sends him a vocabulary builder tape.
- The Imagine Spot of Homer's funeral, in which Homer had to be buried in a piano crate because of how obese he is. The crate ends up crushing everyone mourning his loss.
- The entire Raiders of the Lost Ark parody at the beginning, complete with Homer acting out the roles of both the giant boulder and the natives from the beginning of the film.
59 - Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
- This exchange between Homer and Herb:
Homer: I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on this, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I try, but I can't...
- And when Herb first arrived:
Herb: What am I going to say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions, how to express them?
(Homer opens the door.)
Homer: Herb? (Herb punches Homer.)
- A little bit later:
Herb: Sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face!
Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house could you just kick me in the butt?
Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
- Herb goes bankrupt in a game of Monopoly. Homer pokes fun at him about it and gets punched in the face for his troubles.
- And at the end:
Herb: And Maggie, the one who helped me reclaim my fortune, I'll give you anything your heart desires.
Maggie: (Baby gibbersh)
Translator: I want what the dog's eating. (cut to a shot of Santa's Little Helper eating from his dish.)
- Earlier, when Homer is getting a physical exam at the power plant.
Doctor: This can't be right, this man has 104% body fat...Hey, no eating in the tub!
Homer: (nonchalantly) Go to Hell.
60 - Kamp Krusty
- Bart's dream that starts the episode, mostly due to how unlikely it is to happen, especially Skinner telling everyone to tear down the school to School's Out by Alice Cooper.
- The "Kamp Krusty" theme montage, featuring a frog leaping from Lisa's bowl of gruel, Bart falling into a ditch while trying to catch a pop fly, and a random kid at the camp infirmary getting cigarette smoke blown in his face by the nurse (who just used his cast to light the match)
- Bart and Lisa talking to their parents before leaving on the bus for camp:
Bart: Don't look in my closet, in fact, stay out of my room altogether.
Lisa: (yelling from the bus) If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!
- Lisa: (writing letter to home) I no longer fear hell, for I have been to Kamp Krusty.
- Same ep:
Lisa: Bart, I think we're going to die.
Bart: (matter-of-factly) We're all gonna die Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon!
Bart: (sadly) So did I.
- Homer and Marge hearing of the hostile takeover of Kamp Krusty on the news. When they see Bart has become the ringleader, Homer (who had spent the entire summer completely stress-free and had gotten into notably better shape) yells out, "D'OH!", and immediately, his newly grown hair falls from his head, and his gut expands to his pre-summer shape.
- How Krusty reacted to Bart's grievances:
Bart: Krusty, this camp was a nighmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh my god! (breaks down sobbing)
Bart: ...actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: (collected) Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty: Oh my god! (breaks down sobbing)
- The tyrannical Mr. Black has a few:
Mr. Black: (toasting) Gentleman, to evil!
61 - A Streetcar Named Marge
- Marge going crazy and almost knocking Ned over after being fueled by Homer being a boorish jerk to Marge.
- Jon Lovitz's entire performance as Llewelyn Sinclair, but especially his powerhouse introduction: "The review-'Play Enjoyed By ALL'-speaks for itself!"
62 - Homer the Heretic
63 - Lisa the Beauty Queen
- When Lisa finally gets crowned Little Miss Springfield (after the actual winner gets struck by lightning), a new wax figure is created in the Springfield Wax Museum. The problem is the curators just stuck Lisa's head on a wax statue of Dr. Ruth. The funny part is that Dr. Ruth's head now resides in the Chamber of Horrors next to Mr. T and Ronald Reagan.
- During the beginning sequence with the school carnival, there were a couple of funny moments:
- Groundskeeper Willie trying to sell haggis from his stand (which looks like it's nowhere near the school carnival).
- A part that's usually cut in American (U.S.) syndication where Otto cranks up the speed on a Rocket Spinner ride and the car flies off and crashes into the school. Otto then tells Bart that he's going to Mexico until this blows over and is chased by an angry mob.
- Another scene lost to syndication: Milhouse goes into a crappily-built haunted house that turns out to be a shed with the three bullies (Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney) standing under a bare lightbulb, getting ready to beat Milhouse up. When Milhouse steps out, Bart steps in, thinking that it's a regular haunted house.
64 - Treehouse of Horror III
65 - Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
66 - Marge Gets a Job
- Bart falling out his bedroom window after Homer tells Marge that the sinking foundation isn't that big of a problem in their house.
- Bart setting up the house (whose foundation is sinking) as a sideshow called The Slanty Shanty, especially when he introduces Homer as "Cue Ball: The Man Who No Hair."
- Lionel Hutz freaking out after seeing Mr. Burns' squad of high-priced, professional lawyers.
67 - New Kid on the Block
- Laura mind-screwing Dolph and Kearney by implying that they're gay
Kearney: Hey, baby, how 'bout puttin' your finger in my ear?
Laura: Well, I don't know. Your boyfriend looks like the jealous type.
Kearney: Hey, what the...?!
Dolph: That chick's messin' with our minds!
Kearney: Let's get outta here!
- Homer ordering a pizza during his trial against not getting his fill at The Frying Dutchman's "All You Can Eat Buffet."
- A random man's line, "I heard they shaved a gorilla" in reference to Homer when Homer is put to work as a sideshow freak (Bottomless Pete: The Man Who Can't Stop Eating, a.k.a. Nature's Cruelest Mistake) for the Frying Dutchman.
68 - Mr. Plow
- This exchange during Homer's commercial:
Homer: (smiling) My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage!
Bart: You are fully licensed and bonded by the city, aren't you Mr. Plow?
Homer: (stops smiling, talks out of the corner of his mouth) Shut up, boy.
(Homer growls angrily at Bart as they watch the commercial on TV)
Homer: So, (cue jingle) Call Mr. Plow. That's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.
- When Homer's going out to rescue Barney:
Homer: Don't worry, this baby's as surefooted as a mountain goat. (Cut to nearby mountain goat, which slips off a cliff repeatedly)
- Homer's hair-raising trip across a rickety wooden bridge, during which he sees a full, stable suspension bridge a short distance away that he could have used.
- The wind blowing off Barney's diaper, and him running after it.
- Homer and customer.
Woman: Could you make sure not to scrape my asphalt?
Homer: Kiss my asphalt...
- Every moment with "Adam West!"
"I never needed plastic molding to improve my physique." (taps chest) "Pure West. And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore? Remember the Batusi?" (begins dancing and grunting rhythmically while a disturbed Homer and the kids back away slowly)
- Near the end...
God: Oh no? (snow instantly melts)
- "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
69 - Lisa's First Word
- Homer telling baby Lisa that he opened a college fund for her at Lincoln Savings and Loan (which infamously shut down in the 1980s), followed by Homer dismissing Marge's fears that Bart will be jealous of his new baby sister with: "Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt!"
- Grampa Simpson revealing that he won his house during the 1950s quiz show scandal by ratting out everybody and getting away with it.
- Bart's refusal to address Homer properly.
Homer: Homer's what grownups call me. Call me Daddy.
Bart: Da-da-da... Domer! (chuckles)
Homer: Why you little—! (strangles Bart)
- Lisa follows suit, even after naming everything else correctly.
Homer: Can you say Daddy?
Homer: No, sweetie. Daddy.
70 - Homer's Triple Bypass
- Dr. Nick: Call 1800-D.O.C.T.O.R.B! The "B" is for Bargain!
- Dr. Nick Riviera is funny throughout the whole episode.
Dr. Nick: OK, see you in the operating place. (Reporters are outside the door) It's such a nice day. I think I'll go out the window. (Jumps out the window) The best part there is that he's just gotten finished reassuring Homer and when the reporters are there the first question they yell is "Where are the bodies?"
- And another one:
Dr. Nick: Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg! With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!
- When he's watching a video on how to perform a triple bypass, shortly before he has to perform that surgery on Homer: "Oh no, blood!"
- The operating video being interrupted by a talk show called People Who Look Like Things.
- And, of course: "The kneebone's connected to the something; the something's connected to the red thing; the red thing's connected to my wristwatch... Uh oh."
- To the O.R. team before Homer's surgery: "Now remember, if something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved. You know what they say: 'One hand washes the other.' Oh, that reminds me..." (washes hands)
- And of course this Dr. Nick bit:
P.A. system: Dr. Nick Riviera, paging Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the coroner's office immediately.
Dr. Nick: The coroner?! I'm so sick of that guy.
- A defining moment for Apu:
Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
Customer: Gimme some jerky.
Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure!
- The COPS opening, which featured: a suicidal man choosing to hurl himself off a building rather than come to Chief Wiggum, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou shooting at a mummy and Chief Wiggum throwing his gun, and these lyrics to the song ("Springfield's cops are on the take/But what do you expect/With the money we make/Whether in a car or on a horse/We don't mind using/Excessive force")
- "I can't wait until they throw his hatless butt in jail!"
- This exchange after a mechanic tries to warn Homer about his heart:
Billy: Where's he going?
Mechanic: You remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
Billy: We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikopopolous?!
Mechanic: You're a dull boy, Billy.
- Homer coming out of his second heart attack and telling Dr. Hibbert that he was in a "wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone, and there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt."
71 - Marge vs. the Monorailnote
- One of Homer's lifelong dreams is mentioned here:
Homer: Marge, I wanna be a monorail conductor.
Marge: Homer, no.
Homer: It's my lifelong dream!
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game and you did it last year! Remember? (Marge points to a framed sports page, with a picture of Homer running onto a baseball field in the middle of a game, with the headline, "Idiot Ruins Game/Springfield Forfeits Pennant").
- Marge returns from North Haverbrook with someone who helped Mr. Lanley create the defective monorail in that town:
Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist!
Marge: It's not Batman!
- During "The Monorail Song"...
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
- The song ends with a classic Homer blunder.
(Everyone finishes by shouting "Monorail" in unison, save for Homer, who leaps in front of the crowd.)
Homer: Mono... D'OH!!!!!!!
- Homer: "I call the big one Bitey!"
- Homer: "Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you "Ho-Ju"!
Bart: ...I'll get back to you on that.
- Any line spoken by or about Leonard Nimoy in this episode:
Leonard: Well, my work here is done.
Barney: Whaddaya mean, "Your work is done"? You didn't do anything!
Leonard: Heh, heh. Didn't I? (beams away)
- The grand opening ceremony for the Springfield monorail:
Mayor Quimby: And let me be the first to say, "May the force be with you!"
Leonard: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
- On the out-of-control monorail:
Leonard: A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Leonard: Does anyone want to switch seats?
- As the monorail goes haywire:
Krusty: KRUSTY WANTS OUT!!! (attempts to jump out of the runaway monorail)
Leonard: No! (saves him) The world needs laughter.
- How could we forget Homer's Flintstones theme song spoof?
Simpson, Homer Simpson,
He's the greatest guy in history!
From the town of Springfield,
(As the first official episode guide puts it, "And he does.")
- The scene where Homer has to find a anchor to stop the monorail.
(looks at Bart, pictures him as a anchor)
Bart: Think harder, Homer.
- Marge was unable to stop the monorail cause the guy she was with had to have a haircut.
- The ending.
Marge: And that was the only folly the people of Springfield embarked upon. Except for the popsicle stick skyscraper. And the 50 foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere.
- Lyle Lanley's monorail conducting classes
Lanley: Mono means one and rail means rail. That concludes our extensive three week course.
Otto: Hey, wait! Who gets to be conductor?
Lanley: I have been monitoring your progress, (he looks in a book with a picture of himself driving to Tahiti with lots of money) and this gentleman stands above the rest. (Does general arm sweep across room and gets ready to leave.)
Homer: Who, me?
Lanley: Yeah, sure.
- The trailer for "Truckasaurus: The Movie".
Coming soon, it's "Truckasaurus: The Movie
", starring Marlon Brando
as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
John Truckasaurus: You crazy car, I dunno whether to eat you or kiss you.
Celebrity voice impersonated.
72 - Selma's Choice
- Lisa becoming the Lizard Queen after drinking the water in the Duff ride.
- Also: "And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same!" (Well, no, not after Bart pulled down the robot's pants.)
- Lionel Hutz redubbing Great Aunt Gladys's video will.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works. You really would.
- The fortuneteller mistaking truth serum for a love potion.
- Homer and Bart singing "Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead" after Marge objects to them singing "On Top of Spaghetti" during their drive to Great Aunt Gladys' funeral.
- Homer mentally snarking, "Yeah, 'The Legend of the Dog-Faced Woman'" after Selma says, "Her [Great Aunt Gladys'] legend will live forever."
- Homer declaring that he's okay to go to Duff Gardens (despite being sick from eating a rotten hoagie) only for him to pass out on the floor and crawl away.
- And when he tries to drive:
Homer: Duff Gardens! Hurrah! *He passes out, and his head hits the car horn*
- After seeing Bart and Lisa leave with Selma to the amusement park, Homer finds the rotten hoagie on top of the garbage can.
(Marge knocks it out of his hands)
- Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney riding off into the sunset on stolen bumper cars (though bumper cars don't work unless they're attached to the electric ceiling and in an earlier scene, the three bullies were arrested in a Duff Gardens commercial).
73 - Brother from the Same Planet
- Krusty's disastrous hosting stint on Tuesday Night Live, especially funny considering that some of the early Simpsons writers (Jon Vitti, George Meyer, Conan O'Brien, and John Swartzwelder, especially) were SNL writers in the mid-1980s (making the whole joke a mix between Affectionate Parody and a joke about the common claim that Saturday Night Live relies too much of its humor on one-note characters and that its sketches are insanely longnote
- The nun screaming, "This isn't funny!" as she gets blown away in the storm and explodes.
- Homer running naked out of the host after realizing he forgot to pick up Bart from soccer practice.
- Homer ad-libbing constellation names while he and Pepi look at the stars, nearly referring to them all as some sort of cowboys.
- The "I.P. Freely" gag during the news cast about Tom and Homer's brawl.
- During the aforementioned fight, Homer attempts to tackle Tom right into a china shop to beat on him some more. However, Tom calmly walks out of the store and we see Homer was recklessly breaking glassware instead of beating up his opponent.
- "Tonight on Wings...ah who cares?"
74 - I Love Lisa
- YMMV, but they show Lisa's blowing off of Ralph in a pretty funny way:
Bart: Watch this, Lis! You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half. (Ralph's face contorts frame by frame, stopping on gritted teeth) aaaand...now.
- During the Presidents' Day play, Milhouse plays Abraham Lincoln, while Bart is John Wilkes Booth. The play's version of the assassination boils down to a mock fight and Bart as The Ahnold - leaving everyone in the audience silent and gaping. Well, almost everyone.
Homer: C'mon, boy! Finish him off!
- "You're next, Chester A. Arthur!" (Miss Hoover grabs hold to Bart) "Unhand me, Yankee!"
- Chief Wiggum's story of how he got tickets for Krusty's show - bumping into him at a porno movie and the clown mistakenly thinking it was a bust.
Lisa: That story's not appropriate for children.
Chief Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
- Principal Skinner, while broadcasting over the intercom about Bart's latest prank, suddenly having a Vietnam flashback about one of his friends getting gunned down after making a Valentine for his girlfriend.
Skinner: (over the intercom) JOHNNY!!!
Bart: Cool, I broke his brain!
- The "Mediocre Presidents" song.
- When Bart offers to go as Lisa with Ralph to the Krusty special:
Lisa: What if [Ralph] wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm willing to take that risk.
Lisa: What if he wants to kiss?
Bart: I'm willing to take that risk.
Lisa: What if he-
Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.
75 - Duffless
- Homer's conversation with his brain in the kitchen.
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer's Brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's Brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. (camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything) Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's Brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: AAAAH! (he runs out the front door, gets in his car, and drives away)
- Some time later, when Homer is making his dramatic escape from the plant, he encounters a gigantic spider.
Homer: (reading off a scroll) "To overcome the Spider's Curse, simple quote a Bible verse!"? Uh, thou shalt not... oh! (he throws a rock at the spider, knocking it out senseless).
- Homer sees Ralph Wiggum's science fair project and has his own vision of an alcohol-fueled car.
Homer: (puts the fuel nozzle in the car) One for you. (removes it) One for me. (he inserts the nozzle in his mouth and takes a drink of "GASOHOL", then puts it back in the car) One for you. (removes it again) One for me. (sticks the nozzle in his mouth a second time and drinks some more).
- Homer throwing himself out the window after Reverend Lovejoy tells him that, with Alc-Anon's help, he'll never have a beer again.
- Homer's confession that he was so desperate for a beer he snuck into a stadium after a football game so he could eat the dirt under the bleachers, prompting a horrified Rev. Lovejoy to kick him out of Alc-Anon.
76 - Last Exit to Springfield
- Homer points out a scar on his head, which he claims to have gotten from a labor strike at the plant years ago. Flashback to said strike, with Homer's colleagues all shouting for this noble cause (equitable treatment from management), and then you see Homer at the empty snack van, periodically smacking the counter with his fist, yelling "WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?!" until the awning falls down and crushes his head.
- "Hired goons?"
- After Marge explains to Homer that his co-workers' niceness is really them picking on him, an upset Homer claims that "first thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head!" Guess what happens in the next scene...
- "You can't treat the working man this way! Someday, we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we'll go too far, get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!"
- Burns reading a page from one of his many typing monkeys: "It was the best of times. It was the blurst of times! You stupid monkey!"
- The Big Book of British Smiles
- "Where was I? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time..."
- Homer mistaking Mr. Burns's negotiation tactics for coming onto him:
Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: (thinking) Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: (thinking) Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: (thinking) My God! He is coming onto me!
Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.
Homer: (thinking) Aaaaaagh! (aloud) Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans! Sure I'm flattered; maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!
- Easily one of the funniest moments in the episode, after Homer runs off to the bathroom in Burns' mansion ("23rd door on the left.")
Mr. Burns: "Find the bathroom all right?"
Homer: *eyes shifting slightly* Uhhhh...yeah.
- Burns ends the tour of his home:
Mr. Burns: And here's my basement.
Homer: It isn't as impressive as the rest of your house.
Mr. Burns: Yes, I really should stop ending the tour with it.
- Name of the dentist's office: Painless Dentistry, formerly Painful Dentistry
77 - So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
- Bart's "April Fools' Day" prank on Homer.
- This bit of dialogue between Wiggum and Lou after the above events:
Lou: That explosion looks like it came from the Simpsons' place.
Chief Wiggum: Forget it, Lou. That's four blocks away.
Lou: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
Chief Wiggum: I am proceeding on foot. Call in a code 8. (Exits the car. Lou goes on radio.)
Lou: We need pretzels. Repeat: Pretzels! (Cuts to Wiggum, running like hell to the Simpsons' place with a hungry expression on his face.)
- When various characters come visit Homer at the hospital:
78 - The Front
- Homer and Marge are getting ready to go to their high school reunion:
Homer: It'll be great to see the old gang: Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz.
Homer: No, they weren't all happy days, like the time Pinky Tuscadaro crashed her motorcycle, or the time I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back.
- "Homer's not here, man!"
- As Homer gets his final exam:
Principal Dondelinger: This is your exam. It's a series of questions, answered True or False.
Principal Dondelinger: Eh, I was just describing the test, Homer.
Principal Dondelinger: Look, Homer, just do the test, and you'll be fine.
- And immediately after that:
Homer: All right, brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this so I can go back to killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal.
- After Grampa "checks" his underwear so he can tell Bart and Lisa his first name.
Lisa: Grampa, how'd you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Grampa: I... don't... know!
- Following Krusty insisting on not mentioning his Jewish heritage on the air (despite that he introduced the audience to his rabbi father in "Like Father, Like Klown"):
Lisa: It's so sad that Krusty is ashamed of his roots.
Homer: Marge, it happened again!
(Homer walks in with a plunger stuck to his head. He tries to pull it loose, but the handle comes off and he exits.)
Bart: What are you gonna change your name to when you grow up?
Lisa: Lois Sanborn.
Bart: Steve Bennett.
- Grampa's dreams of being "Queen of the Old West".
- Roger Myers giving a tour to Bart and Lisa:
Roger: Are you coming?
Grampa: Any stairs?
Roger: Just one.
Grampa: Nuts to you! (resumes sleeping)
79 - Whacking Day
- The ceremony before "Whacking Day" commences:
Mayor Quimby: Ladies and gentlemen, Larry White!
Mayor Quimby: The card says "Larry."
Barry White: I think I know my own name.
Mayor Quimby: Oh yeah? Well, we'll see!
- Barry's reaction to what Whacking Day is:
Barry White: You people make me sick! (crowd cheers) Are they even listening to me?
Mayor Quimby: My guess would be no.
- One of Grampa's most insane war stories: posing as a German cabaret singer in Dusseldorf and flirting with Adolf Hitler.
- Also the part after the flashback when Grampa admitted that the only part of the story that was true was that he cross-dressed in the 1940s ("Oh, they had designers then!")
- Bart referring to Johnny Tremaine as Johnny Deformed after Marge tells Bart about how the protagonist got his hand deformed in an accident.
- Homer's advice to Lisa on what to do about her feelings against Whacking Day: "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter, little ball, and release it at an appropriate time. Like that time I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. (in a baby voice): Remember that? When Daddy hit the referee."
- I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!
80 - Marge in Chains
- One scene, wherein the aftermath of a bake sale makes the people of Springfield realise the consequences of putting Marge in jail:
Park Ranger: Fifteen dollars short, exactly what Marge Simpson's marshmallow squares usually bring in. Can we still afford that statue of Lincoln?
Man: No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper.
Mayor Quimby: People of Springfield, I give you this statue of our thirty-ninth president, Jimmy Carter!
Man in Crowd: Oh, come on!
Second Man in Crowd: (points angrily) He's history's greatest monster!
- When Marge is released, the city presents her with a statue of "her" (which turns out to be the Jimmy Carter statue with her signature hairdo added to it), which the kids turn into a tetherball pole.
- When the Flanders family wonder how they got the flu, Ned recalls how he once laughed at an episode of Married... with Children:
- Lionel Hutz delivering his closing argument with no pants on — then committing jury tampering by submitting a cocktail napkin that still says "Guilty" on it...and has the word misspelled.
81 - Krusty Gets Kancelled
- The "Worker and Parasite" show and Krusty's reaction.
Krusty: (standing there dumbfounded and smoking a cigarette) What the hell was that?!
- While the quote itself is funny, the delivery raises it exponentially, and was what instantly cemented the character of Squeaky Voiced Teen as a mainstay when so many others fell away. If they can, someone please link to a video of the scene (context is Krusty begging Mel to join him for his comeback (which then turns into a crowner of heartwarming). Without, further ado,
Krusty the Clown: Ah, come on. You wanna spend your life hanging out with a bunch of dorky teenagers?
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, Mister. Whoops. It fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow-w-w! Ow-w-w!
Sideshow Mel: Sorry Krusty, I like it here. Mr. Johansen treats me with dignity.
Mr. Johansen: Is this clown bothering you, Mel?
Sideshow Mel: It's all right, Mr. Johansen, I'll handle it.
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, sir.
Krusty the Clown: I don't want it!
Squeaky Voiced Teen: But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me.
- The Milkshakes part.
Bart and Lisa find Krusty is now morbidly obese
Lisa: Krusty, what have you done to yourself?
Krusty: I wanted to get in shape so I've been drinking nothing but milkshakes.
Lisa: You mean those diet milkshakes?
- Luke Perry being shot out of a cannon.
- He lands safely in a pillow factory... only to have it demolished while he's still inside.
- Crazy Old Man: The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be...
- And now, The Crazy Old Man dancers...
- Krusty dismissing the Red Hot Chili Peppers' performance in their underwear as degrading...minutes before he has to dress up like a little kid from the early 19th century for a sketch. Hypocritical Humor at its finest.
- Quimby: (totally nonchalant) I admit I used the city trust to fund the murder of my enemies. But as Gabbo would say, "I'm a bad widdle boy."
- Bette Midler's Disproportionate Retribution on highway litterers.
Snake: Oh, no! Bette Midler!
82 - Homer's Barbershop Quartet
- Homer meets George Harrison in the flashback:
Homer (narrating): And then came the greatest moment of my life
George: Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison.
Homer: Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie?!?
George: Over there, there's a big pile of them.
(Homer just spends the next minute shoving brownies into his mouth, without regarding George Harrison at all.)
George: (Sincerely) Well, what a nice fella.
- "Number 8." *BELCH* "Number 8." *BELCH* "Number 8." *BELCH*
- George Harrison takes one look at the B'Sharps' rooftop concert and sums up the entire episode:
- "I'd like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat."
- And then Moe just produces exactly that, without comment.
- A reporter asking Apu (who had to change his last name to Beaumarchais for the group) if he is Hindu. Apu's reply? "By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie."
83 - Cape Feare
- The highlight of Sideshow Bob's long and memorable career:
- Homer unknowingly torments Bob just before the legendary Rake Take scene. Bob had strapped himself to the underside of the Simpsons' car, but couldn't plan on Homer's... unique style of driving:
Homer: (seeing a whole lot of cacti in the distance) Hey, kids? Who wants to drive through that cactus patch?
Sideshow Bob: (horrified) NO!
Homer: Oop! Two against one! (He turns and drives through the cacti, oblivious to Bob's moans and screaming in agony)
- While getting ready to move, Homer accidentally locks Abe out of the house:
Abe: Hello! Helloooooo! You have my pills! Hellooooooo? I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
(howling is heard in the distance)
- The whole of the Witness Relocation Program's attempts to move the Simpsons to a new location.
Agent 1: Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. We'll give you a new name, a new job. New identities.
Homer: Ooh! I wanna be John Elway!
(dissolve to Homer's fantasy of playing for the Denver Broncos, also the only player in a leather helmet.)
Announcer: Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown! Thanks to Elway's patented last second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX, Denver: 7 San Francisco: 56.
Homer: (back in the office) Woo-hoo!
Agent 2: We have places your family can hide in peace and security. Cape Feare, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville...
Homer: Ooh! Ice Creamville!
Agent 2: Uh, no. Screamville.
- and of course
Agent 1: Tell you what: From now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice for a bit. When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. (Homer sits at the table silently) Remember now: Your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. (Again, Homer sits at the table silently)
(Agents 1 and 2 look at each other, there's a transition to much later where they've taken their jackets off, 2 is smoking, and the other Simpsons look exhausted.)
Agent 1: (exasperated) Now when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent 1: (while stomping repeatedly on Homer's foot) Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: (looks at his foot, pauses, then leans back and whispers to Agent 2) I think he's talking to you.
- Sideshow Bob: Surely there is no harm in lying in the middle of a public street?
- "Ah, not the elephants!"
- He gets crushed by elephants carrying marquees that says: "Terror Lake. Salutes. Hannibal. Crossing. The. Alps."
- Even funnier is they used a separate elephant for the word "The".
- This exchange between Sideshow Bob and the Simpsons, after he's granted parole:
Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
Bob: Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right...stay away...forever!
Homer: Oh, no!
Bob: Wait a minute. That's no good. (groans, leaves, then returns) Wait, I've got a good one now - Marge - say, "Stay away from my son!" again.
Marge: (annoyed) No. (Bob groans).
- Chief Wiggum: Bake him away, toys.
- "It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel."
- Bart is trying to fall asleep in the houseboat, but Homer scares him twice within a matter of seconds:
Homer: BART, YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!
Homer: BART, YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK!?
- "No one who speaks German could be an evil man..."
- Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
(cut to some other cops doing just that)
Chief Wiggum: Boys, knock it off!
- After being told that "once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal:"
Homer: Is that so? (leans head out window) Oh Flanders, won't you join me in my kitchen?
(Homer stands lying menacingly in wait behind a doorframe, pounding his fist into his other hand)
Chief Wiggum: Uhh, doesn't work if you invite him. (Flanders arrives at that very moment)
Homer: Go home.
Ned: (turns right around) Doodely-doo!
- The punchline to the Brick Joke of Grampa standing outside the house, begging for the family to let him in so he can take his medication: when the Simpsons come back, they find that Grampa has turned into a woman (physically, as in, he grew breasts and a curvy body) and Jasper (Grampa's on-again/off-again friend) offers the newly-feminized Grampa a date rather than have the family go in the house and get his meds.
- In the scene of The Simpsons looking through all of Sideshow Bob's threatening letters to Bart, Marge notices that one reading "I KILL YOU SCUM!" isn't written in blood. Turns out Homer wrote that after Bart somehow wrote the words "WIDE LOAD" on his butt. Cue Marge, Lisa, Grampa, and Nelson (who randomly appears at the kitchen window) laughing at it.
- This brilliantly delivered Noodle Incident:
Lisa: Bart, I just figured it out! Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
Bart: Linda Lavin?
Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it!
- Right when Sideshow Bob bursts into Bart's room:
Sideshow Bob: Your family can't help you now!
Cue entire family tied up, including dog and cat, with Homer still asleep and drooling.
Lisa: Oh no, dad's been drugged!
Marge: No he hasn't!
84 - Homer Goes to College
- Homer: Woohoo! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma anymore! (lights it on fire) I am so smart, I am so smart, I am so smart, I am so smart. S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!
- What adds to the scene is the fact that he's burning his house down while he sings this.
- Lisa helps Homer apply to college:
Lisa: Dad, don't let these college essays get you down. Let's see: "List three books you've read and state how they've influenced your life".
Lisa: (flatly) No.
Homer: Son Of Sniglet?
Lisa: (flatly) No.
Homer: Katherine Hepburn's Me?
Lisa: (annoyed) No!
Homer: (moaning) Aw, I suck!
- When the power plant is having a meltdown, Mr. Burns gets in an escape pod and of course locks Smithers out, prompting this exchange:
Smithers: For the love of God sir, there are two seats!
Mr. Burns: (opens pod door and pokes his head out) I like to put my feet up. (closes door again)
- Not to mention the escape pod malfunctioning soon after takeoff, and sends Mr Burns crashing down the street.
- One of the inspector's reaction to the meltdown that Homer caused: "I still don't understand how he caused the meltdown. There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck."
- Homer laughing hysterically when the professor drops his notes.
- Mr. Burns' giant demon chair.
- In the same scene him attempting to bludgeon a board member with a baseball bat and failing.
Board Member: What are you doing?
Mr. Burns: (already pained and struggling) I'm giving you the thrashing of your life.
Board Member: Stop that. If you wanted him that badly, why didn't you just say so?
- Homer: The bee bit my bottom, now my bottom's big!
- The fact that Homer learned everything he needs to know about college life from a cheesy Animal House ripoff movie called The School of Hard Knockers.
- Homer's attempt to prank call the dean.
Homer: (in a badly disguised voice) Hello Dean, you're a stupid head!
Dean: (looks out the window and sees Homer on a pay phone) Homer is that you?
Homer: (screams and runs away.)
85 - Rosebud
- The opening scene:
(Wizard of Oz-esque guards goose-step in sync with one another while chanting)
(Mr. Smithers pops his head out of the window, quietly and beratingly shushing the cult)
Guards: (whispering, on tiptoes) All we own, we oo-wwwe. All we own, we oo-wwwe!
- Mr. Burns is trying to reclaim his long lost bear Bobo, which is now in Maggie's possession. Smithers and him are climbing across the Simpsons' kitchen ceiling, at night, using suction cups. Homer walks in, oblivious to the two intruders, opens the fridge and pulls out a stack of processed cheese.
Homer: Mmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese. (He eats a slice of cheese.) 63. (He eats another slice.) 62.
(The scene cuts to morning, Homer is still sat in the same place with a much smaller stack of cheese.)
Homer: (sounding very ill/sick/full) Two. (He eats the last slice.) One.
(Marge walks in and sees Homer sat at the table, he now looks visibly ill.)
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind!
(Mr. Burns and Smithers fall off the ceiling.)
- The earlier attempt!
Mr. Burns: Now remember, Smithers. We have to get in and out in exactly 60 seconds.
(climbs onto zipline, kicks off....then gets stuck midway across. Cut to next morning, and a rescue effort)
Marge: More cocoa, Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
- In the same episode:
Smithers: The preparations for your birthday have begun.
Mr. Burns: I won't get what I want.
Smithers: No one does. (dreams about Mr. Burns bursting out of a cake wearing nothing but a sash singing "Happy birthday, Mr. Smithers...")
- The Ramones cameo as well. Possibly one of the best of the show.
Go to Hell, you old bastard! (curtain closes) Hey, I think he liked us!
- And Mr. Burns' response:
Mr. Burns: "Have the Rolling Stones killed."
Smithers: "But, sir, that wasn't..."
Mr. Burns: "Do as I say!"
- "This is all *your* fault!"
- This amazing gem:
Burns: Smithers, I'm home! [canned laughter]
Smithers: What, already? [canned chuckle]
Burns: Yes. [loud canned laughter]
- I love, love, love that Burns and Smithers take away TV and then feel the need to provide original programming.
86 - Treehouse of Horror IV
Devil!Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish that doughnut I own your soul.
Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, right?
Devil!Flanders: Well, technically no...
Homer: (singsong) I'm smarter than the de-vil! I'm smarter than the de-vil!
Devil!Flanders: (morphs from Flanders into Chernabog)
YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME!
- From the third segment "Bart Simpson's Dracula":
- Mr. Burns is a vampire and invites the Simpson family to his castle in "Pennsylvania"
Mr. Burns: (over intercom) Come in, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Mr. Burns: Oh, son of a bi-
- If you watch Mr. Burns' shadow while talking to the family you can see it pull out a yo-yo for a single second.
Abe: (runs into room with a stake) Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge: How'd you know Bart's a vampire?
Abe: He's a vampire? AAAH! (runs away)
- In the shot of the family after Bart turns into a bat and flies away, Maggie is shown waving goobye after Bart. A mix of funny and adorable.
- Or when they finally stake Mr. Burns, and he dies, only to come back to life long enough to fire Homer.
- When first told that he has to kill Mr. Burns:
Homer: What? Kill my boss?! (thinking) Do I dare live out the American dream?
- Just the opening of the segment is fantastic. Bart narrates about a painting that was so terrifying they couldn't make a story out of it, so they just threw together something with vampires. And just what is that painting?
Homer: (screams) They're dogs...and they're playing poker! (runs off screaming and completely insane)''
- The revelation that Marge of all people is the Head Vampire.
Lisa: Mom?! You're the Head Vampire?!
Marge: What? I do have a life outside of this house, you know?
87 - Marge on the Lam
- Homer's vision of ballet
- At the end of the day, when Homer is about to go home and take Marge to the ballet as he promised her, he sees a vending machine and tries to pull a soda out of it, but gets his arm stuck in it. He tries to leave anyway, to honor his promise, but gets distracted by another vending machine, and gets his other arm stuck in it. And even then, he somehow manages to phone Marge, who unfortunately but obviously doesn't believe him.
- Kent Brockman: IT'S IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE!!! (a graphic stating "Please stand by" depicting Kent Brockman in a straitjacket with a cuckoo clock bird popping out of his head appears on the screen.)
- We get this little gem from earlier in the episode:
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal records?
Lionel Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
- The scene of Bart and Lisa waking up and realizing that neither of their parents are home yet. Lisa points out that Lionel Hutz is still there to care for them. Lisa tries to wake him up. Hutz jumps with a start, brandishing a knife, and yelling, "Don't touch my stuff!" When he realizes where he is, he sheepishly laughs, "Hey, this isn't the YMCA."
- The epilogue, which reveals the fates of the major characters from the episode.
88 - Bart's Inner Child
- Homer reads the "Free Items" column in the newspaper:
Homer: Oh my God!
Lisa: What is it?
Homer: TRAMAMPOLINE! TRABOPOLINE! (He runs off)
Bart: He said what, now?
- From Troy McClure's video.
Troy McClure: That's right, it's the Brad Goodman (Squinting at cue-cards) something-or-other...
- Fridge Brilliance: We later learn in A Fish Called Selma that Troy McClure wears glasses and can't read anything without them.
- One of Brad Goodman's seminar exercises which he uses at the Springfield Community Center.
Brad: Now, listen to your inner child. What's he saying?
(camera pans to Ned Flanders)
Ned's Inner Child: Stay the course, Big Ned! You're doing super!
(camera pans to Homer)
Homer's Inner Child: Food goes in here!
Homer: It sure does!
(camera pans to Moe Szyslak)
Moe's Inner Child: (with heavy Italian accent) 'Ey, Moe, wassa matta, huh? Why you no talk wit you accent no mo?
Moe: (clapping hands on face in astonishment) Mamma Mia!
- Brad Goodman states that Bart doesn't repress his inner child, and that everyone should be like Bart. The scene cuts to Lisa with a dark look.
- The ending where the family are watching the show "McGarnagle" about a Cowboy Cop:
(The exterior shot of the house with just the voices heard)
Chief: You're off the case McGarnagle!
McGarnagle: You're off your case chief!
Chief: What does that mean exactly?
Homer: (yelling) IT MEANS HE GETS RESULTS YOU STUPID CHIEF!!
Lisa: Dad, sit down.
- Jimbo and Kearney using The Simpsons' car as a trampoline after Homer gets rid of the actual trampoline (either by leaving it in the desert note or letting Snake steal it note ).
89 - Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
- Homer unknowingly passes by Bart and Milhouse who are covered in bubble gum.
Homer: Mmm...free goo.
- Homer is sitting on the couch. Bart points out an error in an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.
Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.
(A second Homer walks past the window)
- The morning-after Noodle Incident after the Disney Acid Sequence of a musical sequence. There's a Greek ship in the middle of an ocean. Barney, in a sailor suit, wakes up groaning in a pile of burlap sacks filled with baklava.
Barney: (realizing where he is) Uh-oh! Not again!
- Bart reading a book on pocket knife safety.
Bart: "Don't do what Donny Don't does." (Sigh) They could have made this clearer.
90 - The Last Temptation of Homer
- First, Homer and Mindy are stuck in the elevator together. Homer tries his hardest to Think Unsexy Thoughts (including picturing his sisters-in-law shaving their legs together in the bathroom and picturing Barney in a jumbo thong bikini drunkenly humming the I Dream of Jeannie theme), then fails at that (as he immediately pictures Mindy in a bikini blowing a kiss) and just jumps out of the elevator in mid-ascent.
- Also, the fact that the elevator was somehow halfway up the cooling tower.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
(a random man in the bar then runs out crying, with Barney yelling after him "Joey Joe Joe!")
- After the previous scene had Homer, Carl, Lenny, and the factory worker Charlie fall unconscious in a trapped room of toxic gases:
- Homer is greeted by his guardian angel, who takes A Form You Are Comfortable With. Unfortunately, Homer doesn't recognise his preferred choice.
Newton: Homer, I'm your guardian angel. I've assumed the form of someone you'd recognise and revere: Sir Isaac Newton.
Homer: Sir Isa-who-who?
Newton: *Sighs* Oh, very well *Transforms*
Klink: I'm not actually Colonel Klink. I'm just assuming his form.
Homer: Oh, this is the worst crisis my marriage has ever faced. COLONEL KLINK, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!
Klink: (appearing) What is it? Do you have a question?
Homer: Heh-heh, did you know Kinchloe had a radio in the coffee pot?
91 - $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
- Homer when he has Raymond and Charlie Babbit from Rain Man at his blackjack table.
- Homer, attempting to cook his own dinner, combines a full bottle of cloves, a similarly full bottle of Tom Collins mix, and a frozen pie crust. The expression on his face as he tastes it is unforgettable.
Homer: (in a VERY deadpan tone after eating his dinner) Let's go get mom...
- When he's summing up the situation to Lisa (who just described herself as a "monster" thanks to her Florida costume).
Homer: The only monster around here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws!
- Any event revolving around the Spruce Moose.
Mr. Burns: I said hop in...... (points a gun at Smithers)
- Made funnier by the fact that's their last scene in the entire episode.
- Homer after he breaks Marge's gambling machine:
Homer: (yells gibberish)
Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down!
Homer: (says the same gibberish slowly and clearly)
Marge: Think before you say each word.
- The entire boogeyman sequence.
Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but their may be a Boogie Man or Boogie MEN in the house!
- The costume contest results.
And special awards
go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph: I'm Idaho!
Skinner: Yes, of course you are.
- The Deleted Scene involving a game of blackjack between James Bond and Ernst Blofeld.
Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. (Homer gives him a card) Joker? You were supposed to take those out of the deck.
Homer: Oh, sorry. (He deals another card)
Bond: What's this? "Rules for draw and stud poker"?
Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. (Jaws and Oddjob grab Bond)
Bond: But, I never lose!
It's Homer's fault! (Bond starts getting dragged away)
At least tell me your plans for world domination.
Blofeld: I'm not falling for that one again.
- Mr Burns remembering a childhood memory when he repeatedly rammed an Irish worker with a bumper car, causing him to start laughing continuously over several hours (even while he's asleep).
Mr Burns: (finally stops laughing) Now what was I laughing at again? (Pause) Oh yes! That crippled Irishman! (bursts out laughing again)
92 - Homer the Vigilante
- The family wakes up and discovers that they have been burglarized.
Bart: Dad! We've been robbed!
Lisa: (shouting rapidly) Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!
Bart: And our portable TV!
Marge: And my necklace!
Homer: (nonchalantly) Eh, that's no big loss.
Marge: Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom.
Homer: Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of 'em.
Marge: (pulling a necklace from a huge wad of red pearl necklaces) Well, yes I do, but they're all heirlooms, too.
Bart: Burglar even took my stamp collection
Lisa: (in a mocking tone) You had a stamp collection?
Homer, Marge, & Lisa: Ha ha ha ha ha! (the phone rings, Bart picks it up)
Nelson: Stamp collection? Ha-ha!
- Homer's attempt to use a megaphone designed for rappers.
Homer: (through Rap Master 3000) Move along there. (drives off)
Kid on street: (gasps) It's Hammer!
- Homer and members of the Vigilante (Moe, Apu, Principal Skinner, & Barney) are patrolling the street they're walking on and see a street musician who's playing a saxophone.
Homer: Hey, you! Where'd you get that saxophone?
Musician: (pause) Sears.
Homer: GET HIM! (They proceed in chasing the guy)
- Homer and his vigilantes kicking a man's burning leaf pile because he didn't have a permit for it.
- At the dinner table, this conversation between Homer and Lisa.
Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas: Literacy programs. Preserving our beloved covered bridges. World domination.
Lisa: (beratingly) World domination?
Homer: (chuckling nervously) Eh, that might be a typo. (thinking) Mental note: the girl knows too much.
Lisa: If you're the police, who's going to police the police?
Homer: I'unno. Coast Guard?
93 - Bart Gets Famous
94 - Homer and Apu
- Homer confronting Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart after eating some rotten expired ham.
Homer: (enters the Kwik-E-Mart, saying to Apu) Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please accept 5 pounds of frozen shrimp. (lifts up a bucket and places it on the counter)
Homer: (picks up a shrimp and sniffs) This shrimp isn't frozen, and it smells funny!
Apu: (lifts up a second bucket) Okay, 10 pounds.
- Homer comparing Lisa's shenai playing to an album that Grampa released (which, sadly, we don't get more information on, not even in later episodes)
- Don't forget this little tidbit, from when Apu tries to square himself with Homer:
Homer: You're...selling what now?
Apu: I'm "selling" only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos! (slams door)''
Apu: He's got me there.
Homer: Is he (Apu) still out there?
Marge: Yes, he's raking the yard.
Homer: What?! That's your job! If he starts doing Lisa's wood-chopping...!
- James Woods cursing a blue streak as he's scraping caked cheese off the microwave walls and arguing with his agent on the phone. Not even Family Guy could come up with anything that funny for James Woods.
95 - Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
- Grampa ranting about different things on the car ride home from the mall.
Why didn't you buy something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty. Eww, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one! (Homer parks the car and the other family members quickly pile out)
Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The President is a Demmycrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seatbelt! HELLO
! (honks car horn, despite being strapped in the backseat).
- Grampa decides to go back into the work force and takes a job at a local Krusty Burger.
Abe: (wearing a headset and twiddling knobs on a control panel) Come in, come in...Mayday! I'm losing your transmission...
(A man is in his car outside, at the Krusty Burger drive-through. A line-up of cars is behind him.)
Man: (yells) I said "FRENCH FRIES!"
Abe: (surprised and uncertainly) What the...? Do we sell...French...fries?"
- When Smithers turns on his computer to search some information for Lisa, you'll see a pixeled image of Mr. Burns (who is implied to be naked):
Mr. Burns Image: Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on.
Smithers: Uhmmm, you probably should ignore that...
- When Lisa enters Stacy LaVelle's mansion, a teenager comes rushing behind her, exclaiming, "All right! I've been waiting nine years to get my Frisbee back!" and retrieves his Frisbee. Before the show cuts to commercial, we see the Frisbee fly back into Stacy's yard and the boy groan in exasperation.
- The scene of Lisa throwing the Talking Malibu Stacy out the window after her rant about how girls will be affected by Mailbu Stacy's shallow morals while Grampa is riding a bike in the street in an attempt to be young and carefree. The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bike, sending Grampa screaming into an open grave (with two grave diggers having lunch and not doing anything about the old man who just fell in the hole).
Grampa: Hey...this ain't so bad...
- After Grampa quits his job:
"And one more thing! I never once washed my hands! That's your policy, not mine!"
- And the subsequent scene of the elderly diners lifting Grampa in victory — then promptly collapsing because of their frailty.
96 - Deep Space Homer
97 - Homer Loves Flanders
- This scene keeps topping itself:
Homer: (yelling at the ceiling) Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
(Marge pries the waffle off of the ceiling. Homer catches it.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but... (nom) ...Mmm, sacrilicious.
- Also, Ned drives past Lenny and Carl in the football stadium parking lot. Homer doesn't want to be seen with Ned, so he pushes Ned down to hide him.
Lenny: Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars!
(The car crashes because Ned could not see where he was driving)
Carl: One of those American robot cars.
98 - Bart Gets an Elephant
- The DJs attempting to dissuade Bart from demanding an elephant:
Marty: We think we know how your mind works, Bart. So how about this: we pay your principal $10,000 to pull down his pants and keep them down for the rest of the school year, ha ha!
Skinner: (deadpan) I'll do it, Bart.
Bill: OK, OK...what if we use the $10,000 to, er, surgically transform Skinner here into, er...some kind of a lobster-like creature?
Bart: (on the radio) Where's my elephant?!
Abe: Hey, they're playing The Elephant Song.
Jasper: I like this song. It reminds me of elephants.
- And right after that, Kent Brockman's news report: "So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives: 'Where's my elephant?' I know that's what I've been asking."
- When Lisa blames Mr. Blackheart the ivory dealer for Bart and Stampy's disappearance:
- A peanut factory foreman sees Stampy approaching, prompting the following gem.
- Homer hits a deer statue with his car.
Lisa: A deer!
- Homer is pulled out of the Tar Pits:
Homer: I'm saved! And I owe it all to this feisty feline....
Lisa: Dad, a feline is a cat.
Homer: Elephant. It's an elephant, honey. And I'm sure he'll make a grand piano.
- Homer getting high off the cleaner fumes (after not heeding to the warning, "Use only in well-ventilated area") and imagining all of the cleaner bottle mascots (the Turtle Wax turtle, Mr. Clean, the Scrubbing Bubbles) attacking him. If you've never seen it, it's probably because you're watching the Edited for Syndication version; the scene is shown uncut on the DVD set for season five.
99 - Burns' Heir
- The only bump in the road for Smithers' infatuation for his boss:
Mr. Burns: (sadly) Smithers, I just realized...I have no one to leave my legacy to.
Smithers: (clears his throat)
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't be ridiculous, Smithers. For your many years of loyalty and hard work, you will have the honor of being buried alive with me. (shows a diorama of the grisly plan)
Smithers: ...Oh... Goody.
- The deleted scene (which was first shown on the "138 Episode Spectacular" clip show on season seven):
Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Mr. Burns: My worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Robo-Simmons: (accosting Homer) Come on, big boy! Shake the butter off those buns!
(A speaker juts out the side of its head, and starts blasting "Shake Your Booty". After about five seconds of this, Homer screams in fear and runs away)
Mr. Burns: (shooing Bart away) Smithers, it's out of control!
(Smithers fires a shot at the Robo-Simmons' head, leaving a huge hole...which then morphs back into place T-1000-style. The recording breaks down, then plays at many times the original place, as the robot shakes violently.)
(They all scream and run back into the house. The robot then explodes, its severed head landing near the gates of Burns Manor.)
- Arguably the best part of that scene is how the way Mr. Burns says "The robotic Richard Simmons" indicates that he has other versions of Richard Simmons waiting to be unleashed.
- The non-deleted version is funny, too.
Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead, do your worst!
(Mr. Burns, Smithers, and Bart retreat inside. Homer runs to the door and tries the handle.)
Homer: He locked the door! I'll show him! (He rings the doorbell and runs away.)
- It's just something about the sheer incredulity in Homer's voice when he says 'He locked the door!', like it's something really unusual.
- "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is, never try!"
- "Lisa, stop getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas!"
- "That's it! Abusing your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room!"
- The scene where Mr Burns hires actors to play the Simpsons, especially when Burns has to flip through the script to tell the fake Homer what his line is supposed to be.
- Hans Moleman, hands down. Homer kissing him and saying it's "like kissing a peanut" and Marge's line where she says she "wants that thing out of my house".
100 - Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
- Apu's rant to Principal Skinner about Billy & The Clonesaurus:
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through...(cut to later, and Apu is still ranting)...it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had...(cut again to later still)...one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I mean, thank you, come again.
- This scene can possibly lead to a fascination with burly Scotsmen.
Willie: Lunchlady Doris...have ye got any grease?
Doris: (flatly) Yes. Yes we do.
Willie: (tears off his shirt) THEN GREASE ME UP, WOMAN!
Doris: (still flatly) ...Okey-dokey.
- Willie: "There's nae an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!"
101 - The Boy Who Knew Too Much
- Homer thinking of the Meow Mix jingle while on jury duty.
- Made better by the fact that he knows Bart can somehow read his thoughts, and then goes into the jingle.
- Skinner is pursuing a truant Bart, walking straight through a river.
102 - Lady Bouvier's Lover
- Mr. Burns being smitten with Marge's mother.
I'm in love! Smithers: (flatly)
Whoop-de-do, sir. Mr. Burns:
Yes, whoop-de-do! Whoop-de-do to the world! Whoop-de-do, Mr. Florist! Whoop-de-do, Mr. Physical Trainer! Whoop-de-do, Mr. President! Bill Clinton:
I'm happy you finally found love. Mr. Burns:
Whoop-de-do, Tarantula Town! Whoop-de-do, employees! Everyone that's found true love may leave early today! (Homer and a bunch of excited employees run off, leaving one sad worker by himself)
103 - Secrets of a Successful Marriage
- Carl tells Homer that he's slow. By the time he's processed what he's just heard, hours have passed.
Homer's Brain: Something said, not good! "Don't yell at Homer?" noo, that's okay... (gasp) Slow! Carl thinks we're Slow.
Homer: HEY! I... huh? (He finds that it's now late night, and everyone is gone. Lenny walks in.)
Lenny: Homer? You're still here? Wow, you are slow!
Homer's Brain: Something said, not good...!
Lenny: Get the hell out!
- Lisa's encounter with Homer's fake Marge.
Homer: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement for her that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. Kiss her! (Plant falls out treehouse and smashes) Aah! Oh my god oh my god oh my god! All right, let's get our stories straight - she tripped, right?
Lisa: ...Look, I brought you some rice pudding.
- Homer: That's it! I've found out what I can give you that no one else can: Complete and utter dependance!
- Homer tries to liken a good marriage to eating an orange.
Willie: If I wanted this, I would've taken the orange eating class.
(cut to said class)
Moleman: The eating of an orange is like a good marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn oranges.
- To defend telling his class secrets about their marriage, Homer says this:
- Followed by Marge yanking Homer's collar and demanding that he not reveal any more secrets about her and their marriage life, with Homer replying with an utterly wussy, "Yes, ma'am."
- Homer chatting with the Krusty Burger order box — which, in the city of Springfield, is a felony offense.
104 - Bart of Darkness
- The sequence of Springfield being affected by the heat wave, particularly:
- Hans Moleman getting set on fire as he's staring at the sun and his Coke bottle glasses concentrate the sun rays and burn him like a magnifying glass does to an ant,
- Principal Skinner complaining that he's up to his knees in the original cast of M*A*S*H (Skinner was in a wax museum that apparently had fresh wax figures that weren't dried yet or any means of keeping the figures from melting), and
- a random guy (who looks like the one who insulted Barney Gumble when Barney was dressed up as the Lullabuy$ baby) punching a hippie who made the mistake of singing John Denver's "Sunshine on My Shoulders" during a heat wave.
- Bart and Lisa nagging Homer for a swimming pool in their backyard:
Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...
Bart & Lisa: (rapidly, in unison) Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad?
Bart: Can we- (Lisa stops him)
Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
- The scene with their first attempt at building the pool resorting in a large barn being built.
Homer: Alright! Everybody in the pool!
Random Amish Man: Tis a fine barn, but it sure ain't no pool, English.
- The scene where Lisa gets trapped in the pool after everyone gets out.
Lisa: Huh? Hello? Hey, I'm stuck in here! I gotta think of a way to get out!
Lisa's Brain: Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back.
- Homer and Marge are skinny dipping. A police helicopter flies over.
Chief Wiggum: Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Aw, c'mon. Continue! C'mon! (Beat) All right, Lou, open fire.
- After Ned Flanders was mistaken for murdering his wife Maude:
Homer: There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife!
Maude: Um, I'm right here.
Homer: Oh, I see! So then I guess everything's all wrapped up in a neat little package! (Beat) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic!
- Bart: There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?! You go now.
105 - Lisa's Rival
- Homer: (getting stung by bees as they were eating his sugar pile) OW!! AHHHH! They're defending themselves somehow!
- The beekeepers whose bees are attracted to the sugar pile in the first place. For whatever reason, they're modeled after Adam West and Burt Ward as Batman and Robin.
Beekeeper #1: Simpson, you diabolical...
- Homer's awesome speech. The already-funny writing is bolstered by Dan Castellaneta's mighty work, and David Silverman's FANTASTIC animation for the scene. "Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
- Lisa's class is taking a test:
Ralph: (whispering) Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: (whispering) Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: (pause) My cat's name is Mittens.
106 - Another Simpsons Clip Show
- Marge telling Homer that he spent his Saturday drinking beer in Maggie's kiddie pool instead of working all day at the nuclear plant.
- Homer throwing Marge's copy of The Bridges of Madison County into a fireplace that magically appeared in the bedroom (it was actually recycled footage from "Dog of Death").
- The DVD commentary for the episode. Since it was a clip show and a little thin on humor and actual plot, the writers used the commentary time to go over how a Simpsons episode is created from start to finish. After an exhaustive cataloging of the tremendous amount of work that goes into each one, David Mirkin notes that the process isn't truly complete until the fans label it the worst episode ever (even if the episode is considered one of the classics).
107 - Itchy and Scratchy Land
- A classic Simpsons example of Tempting Fate:
- And when the vacation first goes to hell for the Simpson family:
Marge: (to clerk) I want all five T-shirts to say "Best Family Vacation Ever!".
P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! Your son has been arrested!
Female Shopper: I'd be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy's mother...
P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son!
(Marge groans more. Lisa and her meet Homer and Bart in their cell.)
Marge: Oh, I'm so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.
Guard: (with German accent) OK, throw her in the hole.
Marge: Oh, please: it was just a figure of speech!
- As Homer and Marge go to a 70s nostalgia bar, Marge notes how the bartender looks like John Travolta. The bartender, who is indeed Travolta, mutters "Yeah, 'looks like'." Even funnier considering he would make his comeback with Pulp Fiction right around the same time this episode originally aired.
- Homer's attempt to imitate Bart channeling his inner movie action hero during the scene where the Simpson family are left to deal with an army of killer Itchy & Scratchy robots.
Homer: Die bad robots! Die! (laughs) With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.
- When Bart and Lisa are checking things out at the gift shop:
Bart: Cool...personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"..."Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
Boy: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.
- Magnificently continued when Marge and Lisa are going to get Homer and Bart: apparently, all the Bort license plates have been bought.
- No mention of the "Pinitchio" short?
Scratchy (Geppetto): Now you be-a good, Pinitchio. And don't-a you lie.
Pinitchio's nose grows and skewers one of Scratchy's eyes out
Scratchy (Geppetto): OUCH-A!
108 - Sideshow Bob Roberts
- Marge gets rid of Bart's fireworks, believing that they're for a prank. Cut to Bart at an assembly to send their Chinese guests, who fails to deliver a fireworks show.
- When Sideshow Bob is released from jail, he falls into the water that the island that the prison is on.
Guard: Boat's on the other side!
Sideshow Bob: Yes, thank you.
- When the local Republicans gather to select a new mayoral candidate:
Barlow: If you'll just open that door you'll see the next mayor of Springfield!
(The door opens to reveal a water cooler; everyone applauds. The cooler bubbles)
Senator: What'd it say?
Barlow: No, no, no, Bob. Bob, come in!
Sideshow Bob: A fine "Mahoke" to you all.
Dr. Hibbert: Why, he's even better!
Ranier: I agree. I like the human touch.
- Not to mention that the local Republicans meet at Castle Dracula and start off every meeting with Ominous Latin Chanting.
- Bart has just been kicked out of Sideshow Bob's limo when he runs for mayor. Next, Homer gets kicked out of a car with the Archie gang - "Duhh stay outta Riverdale!". Noodle incidentary at it's finest!
- Followed up with later in the episode:
Lisa: This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein.
Bart: Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie comics.
Homer: (reading the comic and grumbling) Lousy Riverdale punks. Think they're too good for me.
- This episode also features an excellent A Few Good Men parody:
Sideshow Bob: What do you want?
Lisa: I want the truth!
Bob: You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!
- And let's not forget the stupidity of the Springfield voters:
- Homer is shown inside voting booth, reading a pamphlet.
Homer: Hmm, I don't approve of his Bart killing policy. But I do approve of his Selma killing policy. (pulls lever)
- After him there's a cut to Krusty in the voting booth.
Krusty: He did frame me for armed robbery, but man, I'm aching for that upper-class tax cut. (pulls lever)
- Bart And Lisa finding out Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper apparently voted for Bob, And the Bopper's tombstone has a figure of him holding a telephone, and "Goodbyyyyyyyyyeee baby!" inscribed under it.
- Sideshow Bob's political satire speech in court.
Bob: You need me, Springfield! Your guilty consciences may force you to vote Democratic, but secretly you yearn for a cold-hearted Republican who’ll cut taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! That's why I did this! To protect you from yourselves!
- "No child has ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it.
- Jimbo bumming bumper stickers off Bart and Lisa so he can cover Milhouse in them, put him in a shopping cart, and roll him down a hill ("All right! The mummy's ready for his mystical journey!")
109 - Treehouse of Horror V
- From the first segment "The Shinning":
- The beginning, as the Simpson family is driving to Mr. Burns' mansion:
(title card says "Tuesday", then cut to the family in the car)
Homer: Well, it's been a long trip, but we're almost there!
Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
(cut to title card that says "Wednesday", then back to the family)
Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're almost there again!
Marge: Homer, when you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?
(cut to title card that says "Thursday", then back to the now tired family, only this time, Grandpa's missing.)
Lisa: (gasps) Oh no! We left Grandpa back at the gas station! (dead silence) What about Grandpa?
- Groundskeeper Willie: Shhh! You wanna get sued?!
- Marge discovers a phrase written on the walls: "NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY"
Homer: (eerily calm) So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking of something along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Homer" something something.
Marge: (nervous) Go crazy?
Homer: (hysterically) Don't mind if I do!
- The entire montage of Homer going crazy, making a scary face, seeing it in a mirror, getting scared, screaming and falling down the steps, becoming unconscious. Then Marge locks him in the food pantry.
- Homer: "Can't murder now. Eating."
- And later:
(Homer chops through a door with an ax)
Homer: Heeeere's Johnny! (the camera pulls back to reveal an empty room) D'oh!
(Homer chops through a second door)
Abe Simpson (who somehow made to the house, despite that the family left him at the gas station in the beginning, it's snowing, and Grampa is known for being senile): Hi David, I'm Grampa!
(Homer chops through a third door)
Homer: (holding a ticking stopwatch)
I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes
- Groundskeeper Willie dies from being axed in the back by psychopathic Homer.
Willie: Ack! Is that the best you can do? (collapses to the floor)
- Homer upon seeing the hand held TV.
Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover... Urge to kill fading...fading...fading...RISING!...fading...fading...gone.
- From the second segment "Time and Punishment":
- Being warned not to touch anything when in the distant past (in this case, prehistoric times). To say nothing about his father warning him about The Butterfly Effect on his wedding day, Homer accidentally sneezes... and starts a chain reaction that ends with all the dinosaurs dead.
- What really sells this is all the dinosaurs are literally standing in a perfect line, dying one after another as Homer looks on.
- No thanks to his love of donuts, Homer paradoxically threw away paradise, and that timeline was also caused by the "sneeze-killed-the-dinosaurs" incident:
(Homer arrives back in the present with the time machine toaster. The house has been transformed into a luxurious estate.)
Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?
Homer: Hmm. Fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan. Woohoo! I hit the jackpot! (he sits down at the table, trying to sound like a rich gentleman) Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What's a donut?
(Homer screams like a crazy man and runs back to the time machine. Marge looks out the window and sees donuts falling from the sky.)
Marge: (nonchalantly) Hmph. It's raining again.
- Also, the (second) death of Groundskeeper Willie in a Sound of Thunder spoof where Maggie axes him in the back, pulls her pacifier out, and intones in the deep, dark voice of James Earl Jones.
Maggie: This is indeed a disturbing universe.
- Homer's hand getting stuck in the toaster. TWICE.
- From the third segment "Nightmare Cafeteria":
Simpson Family: One! — chorus line of people, dancing till they make us stop
Willie: (also inside-out) Too!
Everyone ...many dancing people, covered with blood, gore, and glop. Just one sniff of that fog and you're inside out: It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you're read about! Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in. The family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine. Happy Hallowe'en!
110 - Bart's Girlfriend
- Groundskeeper Willie goes on about the history of the kilt before Bart pranks him:
Willie: The was only for day to day wear. In battle, we donned a full length ball gown covered with sequins! The idea was to blind your enemies with lighting.
(Bart then ties balloons to Willie's kilt, with the audience reacting with disgust at what lies under)
Willie: Argghhh! There's no bother with what god gave me, you Puritan pukes!
- After Jessica and Bart (unwillingly) pull the Springfield Elementary fire alarm, panic ensues, though Groundskeeper Willie has one concern:
Willie: If I don' save the wee tur'les, who will?! (He kicks open a door to a lab and rushes in. Moments later, he runs back out, with turtles biting him all over) Gah! Save me from the wee tur'les! They were too quick for me!
- Also this conversation:
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.
- Homer putting in a coupon for 30 cents off Shake 'n Bake in the church collection plate.
- Bart skating over a sunflower seed carried by an ant and falling down the hill.
- Bart hears angelic singing, which he thinks is Jessica.
Lisa: Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat!
Bart: Oh, Lis. She's already drawing me to her beautiful siren song...(runs into the church)
Ned Flanders: (Singing falsetto)
Bart: (shudders) That's very disturbing...
- Genius Bonus: The song Flanders is singing is J.S. Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring".
111 - Lisa On Ice
- Skinner: All students please proceed immediately to an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium. Damn it, I wish we hadn't let the students name that one.note
- SNPP.com added the perfect observation: "Memorial? Butthead's dead?"
- Ralph: I won!
- Chief Wiggum: We won! We won! But uh, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going out for pizza.
- Lisa worries that failing gym is going to haunt her:
(In the future, Lisa is being inaugurated in as President of the United States.)
Supreme Court Justice: I now pronounce you President of these United —
Reporter: Stop the inauguration! I just discovered our President-Elect got an F in second grade gym class!
(Crowd gasps; Lisa is handcuffed.)
Justice: (to Lisa) In that case, I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island! Don't worry, it's just a name.
(later, Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters)
Lisa: He said it was just a name!
Man: What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!
- Lisa tries out for volleyball. Instead of catching the ball, one of the points on her hair pops it. The coach has this to say:
"Children, that was our only ball. I'm afraid there'll be no team this year"
- Jimbo Jones: It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother!
- Later, Lisa's success in hockey begins to make Bart jealous.
Bart: (sarcastically) Hello, Queen Lisa.
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing in my room?
Bart: Lisa, certain differences, rivalries, if you will, have come up between us. At first I thought we could talk it over like civilized people. But instead, I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny! (Holds up a headless stuffed rabbit in one hand, its head in the other hand.)
Lisa: Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.
Homer: (from downstairs) Quiet down, Bart!
Lisa: Bart, just get outta here.
Bart: Hey: it's a free country. You get out.
Lisa: That doesn't make sense.
Bart: I know you are, but what am I?
Lisa: Get out, get out!
Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this: (windmills arms) If you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. (kicks) And if any part of you should fill that air, (kicks) it's your own fault.
(They walk towards each other, then start fighting. In the kitchen, Marge overhears Bart and Lisa's yells as she's taking a pie out of the oven.)
Marge: Oh, I better go check that out. (to Homer) Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!
Homer: Okay... (Marge leaves) All right, pie, I'm just going to do this. (chomps air) And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! (walks towards pie, chomping air, and hits head on range head) Ow! Oh, my... aw, to hell with this. (grabs pie, eats it)
- Later, the scene where Homer asks Marge which kid she likes best and says "You can't possibly like Maggie best! What has she ever done? Nothing for nobody!" At which point Maggie jumps up to intercept a beer bottle flying at Homer's head.
112 - Homer Badman
- Apu: I have asked you nicely to stop mangling my merchandise. I now have no choice but to...ask you nicely again.
- Homer and Marge's daring escape from the candy convention.
- The highlight is when Homer mixes a can of cola with some Pop Rocks and uses it like a grenade to stop the candy conventioneers from advancing, even getting in a badass one-liner: "SEE YOU IN HELL, CANDY BOYS!" This is then of course, followed by Homer dramatically jumping away from the explosion. The writers referred to this as "a parody of every Bruce Willis movie ever made".
- As Homer gets out of the shower, he sees a helicopter hovering outside his bathroom window, causing him to shriek and fall over, getting wrapped in his shower curtain. Cue it being shown on the T.V.:
Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, which he believes gives him sexual powers!
Homer: Hey, that's a half-truth!
- Homer needs help to clear his name.
Homer: Help me, God! (phone rings and Homer answers) ...Hello?
Deep Voice: Hello Homer. This is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show "Rock Bottom".
- Homer's "Under the Sea" parody sequence, during which he happily gorges himself on the friendly, dancing sea creatures.
Marge: That's your solution to everything. Move under the sea. It's not gonna happen.
Homer: Not with that attitude.
- The edited interview with the rapidly changing clock.
- The best part has to be the end of the interview, as we're shown a clearly freeze-framed image of Homer, VCR artifacts and all, looking like a buffoon and "attacking" Godfrey Jones, which is then followed by a quick voiceover, "Dramatization, may not have happened."
- The gripping portrayal in Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber.
- Some of Rock Bottom's other interviews:
Godfrey Jones: Tonight, on "Rock Bottom", we investigate a sex farm for sex hookers.
(cut to a farmer being interviewed)
Farmer: I keep telling you, I only grow sorghum here.
Interviewer: Uh huh. And where are the hookers?
Farmer: Round back... oops.
- The list of corrections at the end of Rock Bottom is totally worth freeze framing.
- Kent Brockman: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.
113 - Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
- Grampa and Homer being run out of town by a group of hillbillies, complete with hillbilly music playing in the background (until Homer mentions that the hillbillies didn't start chasing them until Grampa put on the music in the first place).
- And the chase stops when they cut the hillbilly music.
- Homer trying to sell the tonic to random passersby. "Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife. So—" and the man punches him in the face. Grampa takes over after that.
114 - Fear of Flying
- A man identical to Homer, wearing an unconvincing moustache, enters Moe's Bar.
Guy: Greetings, good men. Might I trouble you for a drink?
Moe: Oh, get out of here, Homer.
(camera pans outside as he's beaten to a crap and thrown out. The real Homer passes by.)
- After coming home from the airport, when Marge decided to get off the airplane.
Permit me to solve the mystery: your mother has a fear of flying
Marge: Everyone has a fear of something.
Homer: (smugly) Not everyone.
Marge: Sock puppets!
Homer: (panicked) Where!? Where?! AAAUGHH! (Runs offscreen)
- Homer: That's just the engine powering up... that's just the engine struggling... that's just a carp swimming around your ankles.
- "Springfield Psychiatric Center: Because There May Not Be Bugs On You."
- The reunion of most of the main cast of Cheers.
Norm: Woody, give... give me another beer.
Woody: I'd better not Mr. Peterson. My chiropractor says I can't carry you home from the bar anymore.
Norm: Just give me a beer you brain dead hick! I'll kill you, I'll kill all of you!
(Norm lunges at Woody, Cliff and Frasier grab him and hold him back)
Cliff: Whoa there Normie. You got to save your pipes for karaoke later!
115 - Homer the Great
- Homer wants to find out what Lenny and Carl are doing without him being involved and he tells Marge.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?
Homer: Well, something did!
Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.
Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. (gets up) I'm... going outside. To... stalk... Lenny and Carl. (beat) D'oh!
- the Stonecutters song.
All: Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!
Carl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Alien: We do! We do!
All: Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do! We do!
Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?
All: We do! We do!
- Number One: "Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!"
- Homer's initiation:
Number One: This ritual is called...Crossing the Desert.
(Homer's ass is paddled by numerous people in a line)
Number One: And this, we call the Unblinking Eye.
(more ass paddling)
Homer: Hey... have you ever noticed that the Crossing the Desert is a lot like the Unblinking Eye. And it's exactly like the Wreck of the Hesperus!
Number One: And now, the final ordeal: the Paddling of the Swollen Ass... With Paddles.
(yet more paddling)
116 - And Maggie Makes Three
- Other than a heartwarming ending, it has this:
Marge: I've got to tell Homer about this baby in just the right way and at just the right time. Until then, please, keep this to yourselves.
Patty: Oh, if he found out now, it would probably destroy him, huh?
Marge: Oh, yes.
Patty & Selma: Gotta go!
Marge: Wait a minute! Wait, I know that look. Now promise you won't tell Homer.
Selma: Oh, we promise we won't tell...Homer.
(At their apartment, they rush to the phonebook, and open it to page one)
Patty: Hello, is this A. Aaronson? It might interest to you to know that Marge Simpson is pregnant, again.
(The scene fades away, looks like a lot of time passed, phonebook on last page.)
Patty: (on the phone) Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zykowski. There. Aaronson and Zykowski are the two biggest gossips in town. In an hour, everyone will know.
- Indeed, soon everyone knows except Homer, who's going to his new job at the bowling alley:
Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you, thank you very much. It is nice work.
Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir!
Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.
Moe: Hey, Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant.
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I do enjoy working at the bowling alley.
- When he arrives home, people are just throwing Marge a baby shower:
Homer: Hey, it's me. It's hell out there! Hey, wait a minute. What are all these presents? It looks like you're... showering Marge with gifts. Hmm...with little, tiny baby-sized gifts. Well, I'll be in the tub.
Maude: By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer.
Homer: New job? ...Marge is pregnant?! Noooooo!
- Homer setting up a flashback to his being devastated about Marge's pregnancy, as it will screw up the family's finances. The flashback begins with a thin, pajama-clad Homer lacking a head (funnier than it sounds).
Homer: *moans* We're doomed!
Marge: (disembodied) Homer, you had a head.
Homer: (disembodies) Check.
His head pops out of the collar of his pajamas.
Marge: (disembodied) And your bottom was a little bigger.
Homer: (disembodied) Aww.
His butt inflates slightly.
- Homer's plan to increase business at the bowling alley... by firing a shotgun into the air while screaming "Bowling!"
Lisa: Mom, make Dad tell the story right!
117 - Bart's Comet
- The ending - Earlier in the episode, Homer predicted that the comet would just burn up in the atmosphere and end up the size of a Chihuahua's head. After that exact thing happens, Bart and Lisa comment that it was exactly what Homer predicted.
Homer: I know, kids - I'm scared too.
[Homer hugs Bart and Lisa, and all three of them look around terrified.]
- The citizens of Springfield deciding to burn down the Observatory, so nothing like this ever happens again.
- "I've said it before, and I'll say it again - Democracy simply doesn't work."
- After the attempt to blow up the comet has failed, Homer comments that "It's times like this I wish I was a religious man" and Reverend Lovejoy promptly runs down the street screaming about how they're all going to die.
- When they can't close the door to the Flanders' bomb shelter because it's stuffed full with the residents of Springfield, someone has to get out. Krusty starts listing the people they'll need after the comet hits; Moe says they'll need power, which Homer can do - Cue Homer looking around shiftily, and going "Uh, yeah... I can do that."
Homer: ESPECIALLY HIS CHILDREN!
- After Principal Skinner tries to get the "Big-Butt Skinner" balloon down, he finds that Bart was making a call on his cell phone. After hearing the astronomer tell Bart that he discovered a comet, Skinner yells, "NOOOO!" and let's the balloon go. Upon realizing he let the balloon go, he yells, "NOOOO!!!!" again. Then, a newspaper boy drops off today's issue, in which the headline reads, "PREZ SEZ: SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS!" Skinner ends the act with a Big "NO!".
- What Kent Brockman does on his "final" newscast.
: Now, over the years, a newsman discovers something that for one reason or another, he just can not report. But it doesn't seem to matter now, so...the following people are gay: [rapidly scrolling Long List appears]
Marge: Turn it off.
Homer: [taking notes] Just a second...
118 - Homie the Clown
- Krusty: Put $5,000 on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G. to play for me in the elevator. My house is dirty, buy me a clean one.
- Krusty's response to his advisor's suggestion of opening a clown college.
Krusty: Forget it. I'll just cut back on the condor egg omlettes. Mmm, a couple of those would be tasty right now.
- Homer's clown hallucinations, complete with that circus music.
Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! (walks out the front door)
Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
- Krusty going through the funny place names during clown college and Homer laughing hysterically at Seattle.
- On graduation day at Krusty's Clown College, Krusty gives out the diplomas and shakes the recipients' hands with a joy buzzer. When it's Homer's turn, he swipes the diploma from Krusty's hand before he gets zapped.
Homer: Got it! No shock for me! (he turns and runs away) Hee-hee-hee-hee!
Krusty: Oh yeah?!
(Krusty catches up to Homer and shocks him repeatedly. Homer yells out in pain while Krusty laughs at his expense.)
- Homer's first gig as Krusty the Clown.
Homer: Oh, my God! He's stealing all the burgers! Why you little...
Boy: (sobbing) Stop! Stop! He's already dead!
(Two guards have to drag Homer away)
Announcer: Uh, Krusty the Clown, everybody?
(scattered applause from the kids)
Krusty-Burglar: (in Slavic accent) Please look at my medical alert bracelet... (groans)
- Krusty betting against the Harlem Globetrotters, apparently not knowing it's all a show.
Krusty: I thought the Generals were due! HE'S SPINNING THE BALL ON HIS FINGER! JUST TAKE THE BALL!
- "That game was fixed! They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sake!!
- This gem...
Plastic Surgeon: Krusty, your plastic surgery is complete. Now, when I remove the bandages, don't be alarmed at the total stranger staring back at you.
Krusty: (looks in mirror) AAAAAAAAHHH! I LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME, YOU MORON!
Oh, nonsense, Krusty. You look at least 10 years younger. Plus I did your breasts
Krusty: Does anybody hear me complaining about the breasts?
119 - Bart vs. Australia
- Bart calls a man living on an island engulfed in lava from a recent volcanic eruption. When he sees a pay phone floating by and ringing, he reaches over and ends up drowned/incinerated.
- The Spanish dictator misinterpreting Bart's phone call as a sign that his people are revolting against the government.
- The koala getting electrocuted when Bart makes his phone call to Australia.
- The scene of everyone in Australia chasing The Simpsons, including some thugs from the movie Mad Max.
- The whole scene involving the Australians choosing a boot to use on Bart.
- Lisa being amazed that Bart can write legibly on his own butt.
- The Marine punching Homer in the face after Homer does his irritating "Australia/America" schtick.
Bart: Hey, G.I. Joe, your sign's broken. We're already in Australia.
Marine: Actually, sir, the embassy is considered American soil, sir!
Homer: Really? Look, boy, now I'm in Australia... (jumps over the line) Now I'm in America! (jumps back over) Australia! (jumps) America!
Bart: (flatly) I get it, Dad.
Homer: Australia! America!
Marge: (exasperated) Homer, that's enough!
Homer: Australia! America! (Marine punches him) Ow!
Marine: Here in America, we don't tolerate that kind of crap, sir!
- Homer's ignorant pronounciation of the country of Uruguay, and his family just looking at him.
120 - Homer vs. Patty and Selma
- Homer telling Mel Brooks that the movie Young Frankenstein scared the hell out of him.
- "How about you be Carl Reiner, and I be Police Chief Wiggum. I HATE Carl Reiner!
- Homer accidentally throwing Marge out of the house as he's kicking Patty and Selma out after the Gruesome Twosome rat Homer out on his bad investment.
- Bart falling in a ditch as he's being chased by bullies for admitting his love of ballet.
- After Homer throws Patty and Selma out the first time, Marge goes out to apologies to them.
Marge: He's just a very complicated man.
'''*Homer leans out of the bedroom window above and smashes a plate over his head*
- When Homer saves Patty and Selma at the end when he takes the blame for smoking the cigarettes they were smoking.
Manager: Ladies, I apologize. And you sir, are worse than Hitler! *Slaps Homer*
121 - A Star Is Burns
- Principal Skinner about to be burned at the stake:
Skinner: I'm telling you people, the Earth revolves around the Sun!
Abe: Burn him! (He starts to light Principal Skinner on fire)
Photographer: (takes a picture) What a story!
Abe: (chasing the photographer) You've stolen my soul!
- When Mr. Burns is attempting to pick who gets to play him in a biopic, we see a sequence where several people including William Shatner and Hannibal Lecter give their try with Burns's "Excellent" Catch Phrase. Then comes Homer...
- During the film judges' meeting after all the films were presented:
Jay Sherman: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me...to a bigger house! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.
- A glimpse from "McBain: Let's Get Silly!":
Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? *Beat
* That's the joke.
Random Man: You suck, McBain!
(McBain pulls out a machine gun from his jacket and starts firing at the audience.)
- Rainier Wolfcastle talk about the movie in interview with Jay Sherman:
Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million dollars.
Jay: How do you sleep at night?
Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay: Just askin'. Yeesh.
- From Barney's movie Pukahontas, a funny exchange from a mostly sad biopic:
Barney: My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scouts' meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?
- Another funny bit while the movie is playing:
Woman (softly): It's brilliant. Savagely honest, heart-breaking. He has the soul of a poet.
Barney: You're very kind.
Woman (rudely): Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?
Barney: It didn't die.
- Man getting hit by football. A short movie involving Hans Moleman getting hit in the groin by a football. This also happens to Jay Sherman after mentioning that there are better things in life that watching a man get hit in the groin with a football. At the end, we see another version of the short featuring George C. Scott getting hit in the groin with the football, which incidentally beat out Mr. Burns' film, even after he bribed all of Hollywood into voting for it.
- Bart filming Homer putting on his trademark blue pants and naming the film, The Eternal Struggle.
- The meta-joke of Bart watching The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons and moaning that it's another cheap cartoon crossover — until Homer introduces Bart to Jay Sherman.
- Homer and Jay's burping contest. Jay wins by a landslide, as his is so loud he set off two car alarms.
122 - Lisa's Wedding
- Flanders beating Smithers during the knight exhibition.
- Lisa tries to tell Marge that she doesn't want to wear white at the wedding because she had sex with Milhouse before getting married (and, as popular wedding traditions go, only women who stay virgins until their wedding day are allowed to wear virginal white). Marge's response: "Oh, Milhouse doesn't count."
123 - Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
- Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.
- Mr. Burns' rousing cover of "Be Our Guest", "See My Vest", wherein he describes the various animals he killed for his wardrobe.
- The end where it looks as if Homer hanged himself in the basement, but is actually grabbing onto a rafter and batting a lightbulb as a means to cope with the loss of the million-dollar greyhounds he let Mr. Burns adopt.
124 - The PTA Disbands
- When Homer initially expresses disgust with the perpetual motion machine Lisa has made.
Homer: It just keeps going faster and faster! (The payoff comes about a minute later, when Marge asks Homer to do something; he calls Lisa into the room and angrily declares)
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
- After the teachers' strike is announced, cut to a little girl in the empty gym hanging from the rings on the roof.
"Hellooooo? Mrs Pommelhorse? I'd like to get down now"
- Bart visits the bank and pulls a prank on the people waiting in line.
Bart in Voice #1: What do you mean the bank is out of money!?
Bart in Voice #2: Insolvent?!
Bart In Voice #3: You only have enough cash for the next 3 customers!?
(Crowd starts going crazy)
Moe Szyslak: (Turns to guy next to him) Hey, what the hell are you doing with my money in your house Fred? (Punches Fred, setting off a huge fight)
- Also this moment in Homer and Marge's bedroom:
Marge: There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
Bart: [evilly] Hello, mother dear.
- Jasper: Talking outta turn... That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window... That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals... That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe... OOOH, you better BELIEVE that's a paddlin'.
- During the PTA Conference:
Man: The PTA has disbanded! Huh! HUH! AARGH! (jumps out window)
Ned Flanders: No, the PTA has not disbanded. (Same man jumps back in and sits down)
- The "purple monkey dishwasher" scene from this episode.
Bart: Now for Operation Strike-Make-Go-Longer. (to teacher) You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute.
(The teachers whisper it through the line)
Teacher: (to Edna) Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple money dishwasher.
Edna: Well! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark.
- Bart: (talking to Principal Skinner) She said you'd fold faster then Superman on laundry day.
- Lisa's need for being graded:
Lisa: Grade me! Look at me. Evaluated rank me! I'm good good good and oh so smart. Grade me!
Marge scribbles "A+" on a blank piece of paper. Lisa sighs with relief
Cut to Homer and Marge's bedroom
Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning, I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
- The scene with Bart at a construction site and causing havoc with a megaphone. The foreman eventually shows up to stop him, and we learn that he just happens to sound like Bart.
Foreman: (speaking in a voice that sounds like Bart's) Hey! Can't you tell my voice from a ten-year old kid's? Ay carumba!
125 - 'Round Springfield
- This part of Lisa's dream:
"Bleeding Gums" Murphy: Will you guys cut it out? I'm trying to say goodbye to Lisa.
Other guys: We're sorry.
- Krusty tries to defend himself on TV:
Kent Brockman: This just in: Krusty the Clown staged a press conference today to defend himself against charges that his products are unsafe, his theme park is a death trap, and that he's marketing videos of Tonya Harding's wedding night.
Krusty: And I contend that those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question?
Woman: What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?
Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. (takes a mouthful) See? There's nothing (starts screaming and writhing) Oh, boy! This thing is shredding my insides!
Sideshow Mel: Er, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty-O.
Krusty: It's poison!
- The Running Gag with the Hotdog Vendor.
Marge: Are you following my Husband around?
Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college.
126 - The Springfield Connection
- Homer becoming extremely exhausted after running a mere couple inches.
- Homer's maniacal wailing after Marge arrests him and tells him he has the right to remain silent (with Homer choosing to waive the right).
- Homer eating Hans' last meal and Hans being executed in a local jail.
127 - Lemon of Troy
128 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 1
129 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 2
- Tito Puente's Slanderous Mambo.
- Smithers' dream that Mr. Burns is alive, in his shower, and part of a campy 1960s crime show called Speedway Squad: In Color!
- Skinner's alibi for not shooting Mr. Burns. While he was planning to attack Mr. Burns himself after the meeting, he was in the men's room putting on camoflage make-up at the time of the shooting. In the flashback, we see that Skinner has mixed up his camoflage make-up with his mother's make-up, noticing too little too late. Then Superintendent Chalmers walks in...
Flashback Chalmers: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, ma'am—
Flashback Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!
Flashback Chalmers: (Realizes it's Skinner) ...Oh my God...
Chief Wiggum: So, Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts?
Skinner: Oh, yes. But anything else he says is a filthy lie.
- Moe on the lie detector:
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! (buzz) All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. (ding)
Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz) A date. (buzz) Dinner with friends. (buzz) Dinner alone. (buzz) Watching TV alone. (buzz) All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (buzz) Sears catalog. (ding) Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)
130 - Radioactive Man
- This hilarious bit:
Skinner: (over the PA system) Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man—-
Nelson: Radioactive Man, stupid!
Skinner: ... Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that.
- The entirety of the campy 1970s Radioactive Man show (which the director does not want the movie to be like).
- The best part has to be the bit where everyone, including the villains and some girls in midriff tops, miniskirts and go-go boots (including one who looks like a bald Amy from Futurama), start dancing.
- "I keep telling you! He's seventy-three years old, and he's dead!"
- My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"
- When the director is flipping through the magazine, we see all these full page ads for Film Utah, Film New York, etc and then they suddenly stop at the ad that says "Flim Springfield" "This place must be hot! They don't need a big ad or even correct spelling!"
- The running gag with people's hats flying off in moments of surprise - thanks to malfunctioning air conditioners.
131 - Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
- Just the way Homer sounds when he screams "Why you COTTON PICKIN...!" and strangles Cletus.
- The Child Welfare officers running over a tricycle after hearing that The Simpson kids may be living in squalid conditions.
- Rod and Todd being traumatized over Itchy and Scratchy.
- Homer's momentary lapse into spiritual peace after saving his son from a lake baptismal, only to bark, "I SAID, 'SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE, FLANDERS!'" when Flanders asks him what he just said.
- Homer and Marge are trying to find Ned Flanders, who's about to baptize their kids:
Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! (thinking) I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and — (aloud) The Springfield River!note
132 - Bart Sells His Soul
- The intro where Bart tricks everyone into singing "In The Garden of Eden" by I. Ron Butterfly. During the song, Reverend Lovejoy finds out it's rock music, and a beach ball bounces on his head, and the scene ends with Mrs. Feesh (the church organist) collapsing (after playing the entire song -- which is 17 minutes long).
Reverend Lovejoy: Wait a minute...this sounds like rock and/or roll!
- After Milhouse tells Reverend Lovejoy it was Bart that changed the hymn:
Bart: You shank! How could you squeal on me?!
Milhouse: Sorry Bart, but I don't want hungry birds pecking at my soul forever.
Bart: "Soul?" Come on Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul. It's just something made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson!
Milhouse: But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. Why would they lie? What would they have to gain?
(Cut to Rev. Lovejoy putting the money from the collection plate into a coin counter.)
- Moe gets a deep fryer for his new family restaurant.
Moe: Heh Heh. I got it used from the Navy. You could flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.
Homer: 40 seconds? But I want it now.
- Moe's breakdown while running "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag."
- The part where Bart's bike gets sucked up by a street cleaner truck, only for a newer and supposedly better bike to come out in its place. That bike crumbles to pieces, as the street cleaner inexplicably laughs evilly at Bart's misfortune, only for his truck to crash down a set of stairs leading to a subway station.
133 - Lisa the Vegetarian
- Lisa has decided to stop eating meat.
Homer: So, you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: (sarcastically) Yeah right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal!
- The "You Don't Win Friends With Salad" conga (with Marge joining in — not to take sides, but because it was catchy).
- Principal Skinner introducing the pro-meat film:
Good morning class. A certain... agitator... for privacy's sake let's call her...Lisa S. No, that's too obvious... let's say L. Simpson... (Lisa slaps her forehead) has raised questions about certain school policies. So, in the interest in creating an open dialogue, sit silently and watch this film.
- The entirety of the pro-meat propaganda filmstrip.
Troy McClure: Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
- The film contains images of a shark leaping out of the water to attack a gorilla, an eagle swooping down and carrying away a fully-grown sheep, and a dog catching a Frisbee.
- When Lisa is using the lawnmower to push away the pig:
Marge: Bart, no!
Bart: (shown standing next to her) What?
Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa, no!
- Homer chases the runaway pig as it rolls through some bushes:
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
(The pig ends up in the river)
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!
(The pig gets stuck in the dam and is blown away by the water pressure)
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!
Bart: It's gone.
Homer: I know. (Scene cut to the Nuclear Power Plant)
Mr. Burns: You know Smithers, I think I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!
Smithers: Will you be donating that money now, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.
- Lisa's first attempt to get lunch at school after becoming a vegetarian:
Lisa: Excuse me. I thought schools were required to serve vegetarian alternatives.
Lunchlady Doris: (puts an empty hotdog bun on Lisa's tray and says in a perfect deadpan) Here. It's rich in bunly goodness.
Lisa: Do you even remember when you had passion for this job?
Lunchlady Doris: (looks shocked and presses the independent thought alarm)
- When Homer spots The Flanders family reunion
Homer: Hey Flanders!
Entire Flanders Clan: Hi-diddly-ho, neighborino!
Homer: Shut up!
Entire Flanders Clan: Okily-dokily!
134 - Treehouse of Horror VI
- From the first segment "Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores":
- Chief Wiggum mistakenly shoots at an absurdly tall basketball player, thinking him to be one of the giant advertising characters come to life.
Wiggum: Aw, they're not so tough.
Lou: Um... Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school basketball team.
Wiggum: Um, yeah, well, he was turning into a monster. Yeah.
- From the second segment "Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace":
- From the third segment "Homer3": Homer screaming "CRAAAAAPPPP!" after getting sucked into a black hole.
135 - King-Size Homer
- The beginning where Smithers and the hired goons who work for Burns (and the Disney Corporation) break into the bathroom and drag Homer out — all because he wants to get out of five minutes of calisthentics.
- Dr. Hibbert refuses to take part in Homer's personal weight-gain plan.
Homer: Could you recommend a doctor that will?
Dr. Hibbert: ...Yes. (scene cut)
Dr. Riviera: Hi, everybody!
Bart & Homer: Hi, Dr. Nick!
- Homer mocking traffic as he stays home from work, due to experimental monkeys taking over the freeway: "Gas, brake, honk! Gas, brake, honk! Honk, honk, punch! Gas, gas, gas!"
- Homer driving the ice cream truck through the fence, and all the employees getting excited and running after it.
- And from the end of that episode:
Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas-
- And then there's:
Homer: Mmm... I can feel three kinds of softness.
Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey.
- The ENTIRE sequence of Homer working from home, especially when he uses the computer. Especially when Homer complains about daylight savings ("lousy farmers!"), the 'Y' situation ("So many letters to choose from, I'll pick Y!") and "Hey Mrs Doesn't Find Me Attractive Sexually Anymore, I just tripled my productivity!"
- Mr Burns and Homer from the very end of the episode:
Mr Burns: (to a fat Homer who is attempting to do a sit up and failing) ONE. ONE. ONE!! Bah, I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction!
136 - Mother Simpson
- After Homer uses a dummy to fake his own death:
Mr. Burns: (surprisingly sadly) Smithers, who was that corpse?
Smithers: (increasingly sad and teary) That was... Homer Simpson, sir... one of the finest, bravest men ever to grace Sector 7-G! (calm and bureaucratic again) I'll mark him off the list.
- When Homer visits (what he has believed for a long time to be) his mother's "grave":
- Later, Mr. Burns attempts to storm the Simpson home in a tank in order to arrest Homer's mother Mona, who sabotaged his chemical lab in The Sixties. Before doing so, he puts in a tape of "Ride of the Valkyries"...only for it to cut to "Waterloo" by ABBA after a few seconds (Smithers accidentally taped over it)note . The icing on this piece of cake is the look on Burns' face when his moment is ruined. It was also oddly hilarious to watch them storm the house to that music anyway.
- Before Smithers even says anything, Burns is already looking at him when this happens, knowing this is his fault.
- Abe's attempt at stalling the feds was gold.
Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.
Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?
Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B.
137 - Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
- A man who looks like Urkel from Family Matters being one of the representatives of television during the secret meeting.
- Krusty seeing the porno mags on the table and yelling, "Hey, hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"
138 - The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
- Troy McClure walking off-stage, sighing in "Why the hell am I doing this?"-style defeat, and smoking a cigarette during the first commercial break.
- Troy getting poked in the stomach after falling asleep during the "cut-out classics" montage.
- In the deleted scenes, Homer is going through all the care packages that Mona sent him, and Mona asks what he's doing for a living. He explains that he's working for the nuclear plant, to which Mona, most likely due to her history with Mr. Burns, is clearly disappointed. Homer reassures her that he doesn't work very hard. Then quietly tells her he's actually bringing the place down from the inside.
- Troy ending the episode with a montage of "hardcore nudity!" (though the nudity is mid-PG-level).
139 - Marge Be Not Proud
- The past Christmas photos, showing Bart doing goofy things to ruin the picture, including holding a speech bubble that says, "I stink!" next to Homer and Homer saying, "Hey, I don't remember saying that!"
- Bart getting thrown out the house by Milhouse's mom after Bart asks Milhouse if he can play Bonestorm.
- The different video game mascots encouraging Bart to take the video game.
Mario: Go on Bart, take-a the Bonestorm.
Luigi: The store, she's-a so rich, she'll never notice.
Donkey Kong: Duhh, it's the company's fault for making you want it so much.
Lee Carvallo: Don't do it son, how's that game going to help your putting?
Sonic: Just TAKE IT! Take it take it take it take take it! TAKE IT!
- The scene at the end of Lee Carvello's Putting Challenge being played. "Ball is in parking lot."
140 - Team Homer
- Bart and Lisa both have to adapt to Springfield Elementary's new school uniforms.
Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: (nearby, using the phone) Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.
- The kids causing a riot after the rain turns their uniforms into tie-dyed art.
- Skinner seeing the effects of the rain and realizing he buys his mother's clothes from the same place.
Skinner: Oh God! Mother's in the park!
Superintendent Chalmers: This I gotta see.
141 - Two Bad Neighbors
142 - Scences from the Class Struggle in Springfield
- The beginning where Grampa breaks the TV and is promptly dropped off at the retirement home
- Tom Kite yelling at Homer to get away from his golf clubs (though he can have his golf shoes).
- Homer swinging a golf club until he lets it go...and it knocks out Krusty the Clown as he's learning how to golf.
143 - Bart the Fink
- Bob Newhart's rambling eulogy for Krusty, which he makes up on the spot (he was waiting for a different funeral to start):
Bob Newhart: Oh. Um, although I started my career several years before Krusty, so I could never really have learned anything... directly from him, still, I think, in a way, in a very meaningful way, that I... that all, all of us... have learned... from him. That is, by being, a clown on television for, for... for so many years. Even though, uh, y’know, many of us, we didn’t really watch his show. (audience is silent) Uh, th-thank you.
- Homer pitiful attempts to comfort Bart over Krusty's death.
Homer: Oh Bart, don't worry, people die all the time. In fact, you could wake up dead tomorrow.
144 - Lisa the Iconoclast
145 - Homer the Smithers
- A drunk Lenny tries to thank Mr Burns for a good time, but he ends up horrifying Mr Burns. Smithers is begging for forgiveness when driving Mr Burns home.
Smithers: I'll never be able to forgive myself. [Smithers starts hitting his head on the steering wheel] Never, never, never, never, never!
'''[Mr Burns puts up the window between the two of them and the phone rings]
Smithers: Never, never, never, never! [Smithers is still hitting his head on the steering wheel]
- Homer's attempt at making Mr. Burns breakfast, which ends with Homer setting fire to a bowl of cereal -- by merely pouring milk and cereal in a bowl.
- Smithers looks for the worst employee at the nuclear power plant to replace him while he goes on vacation, so that Burns will be awfully grateful when Smithers is back:
Smithers: (typing into computer) Incompetent... (screen shows "714 matches") 714 names! Better be more specific. (types some more) Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly. (screen shows "714 matches" again) Ah, nuts to this, I'll just get Homer Simpson.
- After Mr. Burns is punched in the face by Homer, he decides to call Smithers by dialing his name on the phone (764-84377 spells S-M-I-T-H-E-R-S). note He winds up calling Moe Szyslak at his bar.
Moe: (the phone rings and he answers) Moe's Tavern.
Mr. Burns: (on the other end) I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers. First name Waylon.
(Moe thinks it's another prank phone call and catches on early)
Moe: Ohhhhhh. So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon, is it? Listen to me you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, OK!? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
- The shot of Mr. Burns hiding behind his rubber tree plant after Homer returns to apologize for punching him in the face.
146 - The Day the Violence Died
- The Schoolhouse Rock parody about an Amendment for flag-burning waiting to be ratified.
- Roger Meyers' line after Bart and Lisa try to tell him that they had a plan to save his company from bankruptcy ("Oh, great. Why don't you write it down and mail it to last week, when I might have cared!")
147 - A Fish Called Selma
- The Dr. Zaius musical.
- A Deleted Scene during Troy's bachelor party (which appeared in some TV promos and is available on a Deleted Scene reel on the season seven DVD set), where Homer protests over showing a film about nudists because it doesn't have "adult themes and situations."
148 - Bart on the Road
- Bart putting the car on cruise control, only to promptly wind up driving through a corn field.
- Milhouse messing with the radio:
Milhouse: (plays around with radio) Bart! Nelson hit me!
Bart: He sure did.
- When Lisa has to explain Bart's plight to Homer:
Lisa: (rapidly) Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Martin, Milhouse, and Nelson to week out in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't come back home and Bart's working as a courier and he just got back from Hong Kong!
Homer: (Face reddens; in an eerily calm tone)
Yes, that's a real pickle. Would you excuse me for a moment.
(Homer puts on a radiation suit and rages incomprehensibly for a few seconds. He then returns to Lisa.)
Homer: (calm again) Okay. I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home. Then I will murder him.
- Lisa's reason for objecting to said murder: "No, no! Then he'll know I told!"
- The phone calls Marge keeps answering before the credits roll.
Marge: Hello? Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. Good night.
Marge: Hello? Tennessee State Police?! No, my son's car was not crushed in Knoxville! I don't know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that. Good night.
Marge: Hello? No. Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam. (slams phone down; Homer snickers) Homer, are you laughing at me?
- Nelson being the only kid who enjoyed hearing Andy Williams sing.
- Bart describing Branson, Missouri, as "Vegas, if it were run by Ned Flanders"
- Martin spending his last $10 on an Al Gore doll.
Al Gore doll: You are hearing me talk.
149 - 22 Short Films About Springfield
- Dr. Nick: "Calm down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!"
- "That monkey is going to pay."
- Superintendent Chalmers' visit to Principal Skinner:
Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there? (the house is on fire)
Chalmers: Ah—Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother! It's just the Northern Lights!
- The scene of Homer, Maggie and Santa's Little Helper at the newsstand.
- The scene where Nelson Muntz gets payback by a very tall man and has to walk before his car, with his pants down, and has to wave and blowkiss at people. Everybody watching laughs at Nelson in the same way he normally does to them.
150 - Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
- Assassination attempt #1: Vidal attempts to poison the water Grandpa's false teeth are kept in. It fails when Grandpa breaks the glass and puts his alarm clock in his mouth instead.
Vidal: He's more clever than he looks.
- Assassination attempt #2:
(cut to Vidal dressed as Homer)
Fernando Vidal: D'oh! Not again!
Mr. Burns: (dressed as Marge) I can't take much more of your blundering numbskullery.
(Smithers enters, dressed as Bart)
Smithers: I'll be in the car dudes.
- Assassination attempt #3.
Fernando Vidal: There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.
(Bursts into retirement home with machine gun and starts randomly firing away)
Jasper: Was that me or was that you?
(Abe runs away screaming from the gunfire, and into next room)
Abe: Nurse! Someone's trying to kill me!
Nurse: Okay, we'll do something about that right away. Let's start by doubling your medication.
(Vidal comes through and shoots everywhere. Nurse pulls out shotgun)
Nurse: (BANG) OUR RESIDENTS- (PUMP,BANG) ARE TRYING- (PUMP,BANG) TO NAP!
(Vidal runs away)
- "Ah, Del Monte! Enjoy them, old man, for they will be your last!"
- Bart saying that Grandpa's story is gibberish, followed by Grandpa showing his Hellfish tattoo distorted by his wrinkles and Bart calling it "wrinkly gibberish".
151 - Much Apu About Nothing
152 - Homerpalooza
- Lisa and Bart watching Cypress Hill performing:
Bart: (sniffing) What is that smell?
- Otto noticing his shoes are talking.
- Later, backstage at the festival:
May I have your attention please! Who here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? I repeat, someone here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra! Possibly while high! Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction
(The band members confer in whispers)
B-Real: Uh yeah, I think we did....um, do you guys know 'Insane in the Membrane'?
Violinist: We mainly play classical, but I suppose we could give it a shot.
(Cypress Hill begin to perform 'Insane in the Membrane' with the orchestra backing)
153 - Summer of 4 Ft. 2
154 - Treehouse of Horror VII
- In the opening, Homer is lighting a jack o' lantern, but he accidentally catches his hand on fire, then his whole body, and he starts running around screaming.
- From the first segment "The Thing and I": Lisa suggesting Radio Shack as a possible place that Hugo may be hiding.
- From the third segment "Citizen Kang":
- The alien Kodos disguised as President Bill Clinton:
Kodos: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
Kodos: I am Clin-ton! As overlord, all will kneel before me and obey my brutal commands. (crosses arms over chest) End communication.
- Kang's political speech when disguised as Bob Dole:
Kang: Abortions for all.
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone.
Crowd: Yaaaaaaay! (waves miniature flags)
- Later, when everybody on Earth is forced into slavery under Kang's control of power.
Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos! (gets whipped)
- How Kang and Kodos stop the Fridge Logic that would occur from just voting a third-party candidate:
Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us.
Man 1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man 2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
(Ross Perot scowls and furiously punches a hole in his "Perot '96" hat)
155 - You Only Move Twice
- As Homer and Marge are trying to sell their house in order to move to Cypress Creek:
Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines and rearrange your carefully shelved items. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
Homer: Thank you, come again!
- Just about anything Hank Scorpio says or does:
- Hank introduces himself to the family at their new house.
Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush.
Hank: We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush; they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.
- Homer leaning about his new job from Hank.
Hank: The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?
Hank: Three... Two... (phone rings) One second... (he answers it) Hello?
(Homer falls backwards and says "D'oh)
Hank: Oh, my God, there a guy on the floor. (helps Homer up) Uh, that was a phone call; don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.
- Hank telling Homer where to buy hammocks, which was a Throw It In on Al Brooks' part, which is why Homer can barely keep up.
- Hank Scorpio's brief conversation with a government spy who is cuffed to a table.
James Bont: Scorpio, you're totally mad! Do you expect me to talk?
Hank: I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral. You're gonna die now!
- Homer has to quit his job for his family and Hank Scorpio has a bizarre last request for him.
Hank: But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help me a lot. (grabs flamethrower, starts attacking soldiers with it while laughing) Hey Homer, you're missing out on some fun!
156 - The Homer They Fall
- The Fan Man chasing after Moe (who stole his fan so he can rescue Homer from being beaten up by Drederick Tatum)
157 - Burns, Baby Burns
- A lot of Larry Burns' lines (no surprise, since Rodney Dangerfield voiced him)
158 - Bart After Dark
- Bart's victory chant before falling off the roof of the house ("S-u-c-c-e-s-s. That's the way you spell success!")
- Homer Simpson's using a grocery bag as pants since he can't find them.
- The first day of Bart's job at the La Maison Derrière. Abe Simpson was whistling casually, walking into the place AND walk back out once he sees Bart. He opens the door back again leading to this conversation:
Abe: Is your name 'Bart'? *Bart nods* What the... Does your father know you're working here?
Bart: It was his idea.
Abe: In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour.
- In fact, majority of the guys (and possibly a few girls like Patty) in Springfield visits there when Marge has a meeting and shows the slides of the 'local' visitors. A brick joke that Cheif Wiggum was shown twice and no one seems to know the local drunk, Barney.
- Who could forget Skinner meeting Bart over there.
Skinner: Oh, I hope I didn't miss the floor show.
Skinner: Is Roxanne back?
Skinner: Did she, uh, get my flowers?
Bart: She did.
Skinner: *turns around to see him* Hello, Bart.
Bart: Hello, Principal Skinner.
- After Marge realize that everyone doesn't want to tear down the burlesque house, she was going to sing but accidentally hits the lever of the bulldozer and accidentally tears down part of the house. Cue to everyone's' death stare at her.
159 - A Milhouse Divided
- Homer laughing at Kirk (Milhouse's dad) after finding his messed up demo tape, "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"
- Kirk getting his car stolen by Starla
- Bart hitting Homer with a chair (after seeing Luann's new boyfriend withstand a chair hit) while Homer is enjoying a nice bath.
- A subtle one: Kirk mentions that Starla works as a temp for a radio station called KZOG Radio 530 and is going to help him launch his singing career by playing his demo tape. Radio stations with the call number 530 are used for traffic broadcasts, and wouldn't air music in the first place, making Kirk stupider for believing in his skank girlfriend.
- Milhouse's dad trying to win back Luann by singing to her at Homer and Marge's remarriage — only to get shot down.
- Marge hiding the plate of Allied Biscuits after Luann mentions that Kirk's cracker factory plunged to sixth place with Table Time and Allied Biscuit.
- Homer mentioning the comic strip premise of "Love Is..." ("It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married...")
160 - Lisa's Date with Density
- During Band Class:
Crowd: "Lisa likes Nelson!"
Milhouse: "She does not!"
Crowd: "Milhouse likes Lisa!"
Janey: "He does not!"
Crowd: "Janey likes Milhouse!"
Uter: "She does not!"
Crowd: "Uter likes Milhouse!"
Mr. Largo: "NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!"
- Later, Lisa gets Milhouse to pass a love note to Nelson. Nelson reads note, then looks over at Milhouse, who waves at him. Next thing you know Milhouse is on a stretcher, being loaded into an ambulance. When Lisa tries to apologize to him the paramedic tells her "He can't hear you now. We had to pack his ears with gauze."
- Nelson helps Willie clean up the grounds as part of his detention:
Nelson: (holding a buzzing hornet's nest on a rake) Hey Willie, catch the football! (flings the hornet's nest at Willie)
- Homer's telemarketing message keeps calling the Flanders house well-into the night. Ned keeps answering the phone, which annoys Maude to no end.
- "Ned, did you plug that phone back in?" "Shut up!"
161 - Hurricane Neddy
- Flanders verbally attacking everyone after his house collapses and his attempts to keep calm fall through.
- Ned arrives at Calmwood Mental Hospital, driving straight through the front gates. And as he checks in:
Ned: I just attacked all my friends and neighbors just for trying to help me. I'd like to commit myself.
Nurse: Very well. Shall I show you to your room, or would you prefer to be dragged off kicking and screaming?
Ned: Ooh, kicking and screaming, please.
Nurse: As you wish.
(two orderlies grab Ned and drag him away)
- A therapist, Dr. Foster tries to get Ned Flanders to express his repressed anger, so he makes Homer read insults to Ned from cue cards. The window separating the two guys rolls down.
Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.
Ned: Well howdy, Homer! (window rolls up) Thanks for dropping by!
Dr. Foster: Hmm. He's not responding. Proceed to level 2 antagonism. (the window rolls down again)
Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.
Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder.
Dr. Foster: Ah, he's still repressing. Maximum hostility factor.
Homer: I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry!
162 - El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of [Our] Homer)
- Bart sees something outside the bathroom window.
Bart: (noticing Homer's silhouette in the lighthouse light) Hey Lisa, is that dad?
Lisa: Either that or Batman really let himself go.
- Homer: IN YOUR FACE, SPACE COYOTE!
Marge: (with much confusion) Space coyote?
- Homer: Oh man, this is crazy! I hope I didn't brain my damage!
- Homer: A ghost train! And so little time to get out of the way. Now less! Now none!
- Homer meets his spirit guide:
Homer: Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? Should I get rid of all my possessions?
Space Coyote: Are you kidding?! If anything you should get more possessions! You don't even have a computer.
- As Homer finds ways to rationalize his journey was All Just a Dream:
Homer: And that talkin' coyote was really just a talkin' dog.
Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate.
Homer: Wait a minute, dogs can't talk!
(The dog barks)
Homer: Damn straight.
- The entire bit with Homer and the turtle.
163 - The Springfield Files
- Leonard Nimoy's introduction:
Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.
- Just before his encounter with the alien, Homer comes across a giant billboard reading "DIE". He screams. A wind blows a tree aside, revealing that it said "DIET". He screams again. As he runs away from the sign, his dad appears from behind the trees.
Abe: Oh, son, I'm glad to see ya. I went for the morning paper and I got lost! And-
Homer: No time for you, old man. (he shoves his dad to the ground and continues running)
- After Homer first sees the alien who turns out to be a heavily drugged Mr. Burns, he runs from the alien screaming "Yahhh!" and manages to spell it out as he runs through the tall grass, even leaping to get the exclamation mark down.
- Chief Wiggum: I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter... (First in response to Homer's alien sighting, then to an arsonist turning himself in.)
- "HUMAN BLIMP SEES FLYING SAUCER"
Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away."
[Holds up newspaper reading HUMAN BLIMP SEES FLYING SAUCER]
Scully: Well, gee, Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: Gah, I hardly think the FBI's concerned with matters like that.
- Also, Homer failing the lie detector test in a most explosive manner.
Agent Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
(The polygraph abruptly explodes upon Homer's answer being registered)
- The police line up scene featuring nothing but famous famous aliens, including Marvin The Martian, Gort, ALF, Chewbacca and Kang(or is it Kodos?) from the series proper is a neat little visual gag.
- And the commentary reveals they didn't bother getting the copyright for any of them, calling it the most illegal shot in animation history. Though the only complaint they got was from the creator of ALF, who was only upset that he didn't get to do the voice.
- Homer shows Agents Scully and Mulder the place where he saw the alien. This time, Grampa emerges from behind some bushes.
Abe: For the love of God, help me! I've been here for four days and a turtle's got ahold of my teeth! (he points to the turtle) There he is!
(The turtle with Grampa's teeth starts to walk away and Abe slowly chases after it)
Abe: Come back here, you! Slow down! I'll get ye. (he grunts as he keeps trying to catch the turtle)
Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.
Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?
(At this point, the turtle turns its mouth to bite Grampa's index finger.)
Abe: Ow! He bit me with my own teeth!
- Scully rolling her eyes as Mulder goes on yet another rant about the paranormal, followed by him finishing long after everyone is gone.
- "The unsolved mysteries of... Unsolved Mysteries! The truth is out there!"
- According to the commentary, they just let David Duchovny just ramble on about conspiracies and took some small bits to use for that sequence. According to Matt Groening, he managed to go on for 2 continuous hours before he ran out of steam.
- And the part where Moe and two Mexican workers are trying to get the killer whale they kidnapped back to Sea World by carrying it.
"Who'd a thought a whale could be so heavy?" (sees Mulder) Cheese it! The Feds!"
- The part at the end of act two where Nimoy is told he has ten minutes left - then runs to his car and never comes back (save for a cheap appearance during the alien sighting carnival in act three).
164 - The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
- Everyone using Marge's pretzels to pelt Whitey Ford (and Homer wanting Marge to rename her pretzels "Whitey Whackers")
- The "Whack-A-Mole" couch gag, which features the clown hallucination music from "Homer the Clown"
165 - Mountain of Madness
- Mr. Burns decides to hold a plant fire drill. The entire scene has several highlights, but this was the best.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, what's a good time for a plant evacuation?
Smithers: 45 seconds.
Mr. Burns: And how long has it been?
Smithers: I don't know sir. This stopwatch won't go past 15 minutes.
- Keep in mind that not one person has gotten out yet.
- Then Homer gets out first, and barricades the rest in by blocking the door.
Homer: I think I won, Mr. Burns!
- Later, as Homer and Mr. Burns are trapped inside the snowed-in cabin:
Mr. Burns: I'll kill you, you bloated museum of treachery!
Homer: You and What Army?
? (he imagines Nazi snowmen behind Mr. Burns and shrieks)
Stand back! I have powers! Uh, political powers!
Imaginary Lincoln: (swinging a chain) IIIIIIIT'S SHOWTIME!
166 - Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
- The Krusty Komedy Klassic. It's not a good idea to have a comedy special at the Apollo Theater when your special's initials are "KKK" and said initials are in white -- and appear behind you onstage.
- At the end of Shary Bobbins' bedtime song, "A Boozehound Named Barney":
Shary: And so, let us leave, on this heartwarming scene...
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not 'til you're 15.
- If you cut every corner there'll be more time for play, it's the American way!
- Bart's method of cutting costs.
Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up!
Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Lisa: But he didn't DO anything!
Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? Hey, wait a minute, HE DIDN'T! (Homer snatches the dollar out of Bart's hands)
- Kearney muttering, "You're telling me, ya blue-haired witch" after Marge rejects him.
- Marge imagining herself with Homer's "combover" (the two strands and zigzag line that Homer has left of his hair).
167 - The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168 - Homer's Phobia
- Homer, in a desperate attempt to either scare his son straight or show him what it means to be a real man's man, takes his son to a tour of a steel mill. But then it falls apart when the steel mill is staffed by every Hard Gay and Camp Gay stereotype, both of which are cranked Up to Eleven.
- "Hot stuff comin' through!"
Bart: Dad...why did you bring me to a gay steel mill'?
Homer: (breaking down sobbing) I don't know! This is a nightmare! (to the gay workers): You're all sick!
Random Mill Worker: Oh, be nice.
Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay! (break whistle blows): Oh my God, what's happening now?
Foreman: We work hard, We play hard.
(The steel mill then turns into a stereotypical gay nightclub, complete with smoke machines, flashing lights, and man dancing in front of a slow-moving fan while his and the fan's shadows are cast all about.)
- Earlier, he makes him sit in front of a huge billboard ad for cigarettes showing two sexy girls pillowfighting:
Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel?
Bart: I don't know. I kind of want a cigarette.
- This line.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FUH-LAMING
- Marge tries to delicately break it to Homer that John is gay, but he keeps missing her hints.
Marge: He enjoys the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn't?
169 - Brother from Another Series
- Lisa beliving that stopping Cecil, Sideshow Bob's brother, cannot be done.
Lisa: Oh, it's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless.
Sideshow Bob: Oh, I see. When it's one of my evil schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you, it's "hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless!"
- This moment after Cecil's plan failed.
Chief Wiggum: Well that's some good work, Lou. You'll make Sergeant for this.
Lou: Uh... I already am Sergeant, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Perhaps you are - But I say Bob goes back to jail!
Sideshow Bob: But surely... I mean— I caught Cecil!?
Chief Wiggum: Maybe so. But Lou here says you were resisting arrest.
Lou: No, I didn't, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Quiet, Lou - or I will bust you down to Sergeant so fast, it'll make your head spin!
- Homer finding Ralph Wiggum on his lawn (still in bed) after the water from the broken dam crashes through the town (and surprisingly causes no damage) and Ralph whines, "I think I wet my bed!"
- This beauty of a Shout-Out:
Guess who? Cecil: Maris?
170 - My Sister, My Sitter
- Though a very polarized episode (with more people hating it because of Bart being a Jerkass and the fact that there's no way in hell an eight-year-old would be allowed to babysit if this show followed reality), there is one genuinely funny part: Chief Wiggum confusing a Bob Saget live comedy special for a Bob Seger concert.
171 - Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
- When Prohibition is declared in Springfield, Homer comes up with a surprisingly clever workaround. He garners a large amount of money, which impresses Marge. Naturally, Lisa calls Homer out for his actions. The response that she gets is a simultaneous "Go to Your Room, Lisa!" from Homer, Marge, and Bart, complete with pointing upstairs.
- Rex Banner looks over Springfield, determinted to stop the alcohol bootlegging.
Rex Banner: You're out there somewhere Beer Baron. And I'll find you.
Rex Banner: Yes I will!
Homer: (faint again) ... Won't!
- Homer runs out of liquor and decides to brew his own.
Marge: What on earth happened down there?
Homer: Uh, nothing, Marge. I think it must have been that bean I had for dinner!
Homer: Kamboom! Blam! Oh, excuse me again, dear.
Marge: Homer, there's no point in pretending you're making those noises. Your homemade liquor is exploding again.
Homer: What's that, dear? Kablamo!
Marge: You made a little money, and had the fun of being a wanted criminal; why not give it up, while you're ahead?
- Then Homer goes downstairs and there's another explosion. A few seconds later he runs outside on fire, rolls around screaming until the fire is out, then stands up and calmly says "I've thought about what you said, honey, and I've decided to quit."
- Homer's toast after the Prohibition law was repealed (which, in a lot of funny and sad cases, is Truth in Television).
Homer: To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems!
- When Rex Banner unwittingly steps onto the catapult, Wiggum gives the word to lauch him. What really sells it is Quimby's perfectly deadpan response:
Quimby: That was unexpected.
172 - Grade School Confidential
- This gag that further proves that Krusty is illiterate (or, at the very least, semi-literate):
Maude Flanders: We're talking about S-E-X! In front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they shut that place down!
- After Skinner and Edna request to tell the town their side of the story.
Chalmers: Oh, yeah, that'll be real productive. Who do you want to talk to first? The guy with a bumblebee suit or the one with a bone through his hair?
Sideshow Mel: My opinions are as valid as the next man's!
- After Skinner reluctantly to the townspeople that he's a virgin, a beat is followed by:
Homer: Hey, does this mean that Mrs. Krabappel is a virgin, too?
- The kids getting sick at Martin's party, including Nelson getting a stomach ache after punching Martin in the stomach, Bart feeding his oysters to the cat, and Lisa telling Bart that she faked food poisoning (since she's a vegetariannote ) just so she can leave.
173 - The Canine Mutiny
- The cops having a pot party after the blind man claims that his marijuana was medically prescribed to him for his eyesight.
- This exchange:
Groundskeeper Willie: I bought your mutt, and I 'ate him! (Begins to eat a leg of meat)
Bart: (horrified) You ate him?
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye. I 'ate his little face, I 'ate his guts, and I 'ate the way he's always barking. So I sent him to church.
Bart: (relieved) Oh, you hated him, so you sent him to church!
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on the rug. (Bart stares at him in confusion) You heard me!
174 - The Old Man and the Lisa
- Mr. Burns is the guest speaker at Lisa's "Junior Achievers" club:
Lisa: Does your plant have a recycling program?
Mr. Burns: (confused) "Re-cy-cling"? (He turns his mental dictionary to "R", and searches but doesn't find "recycle" anywhere)'' I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term, you adorable little ragamuffin.
Lisa: You never heard of recycling? It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources.
Mr. Burns: Ooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?
Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing? Well, I say "hard cheese"!
- Later, the bankrupt Mr. Burns has to sell his house to Bret "The Hitman" Hart:
Real Estate Agent: And, I'm sure a pro-wrestler such as yourself will appreciate all the closet space, Hitman.
Bret Hart: (sniffs) Eww! This place has got old-man stink!
Smithers: (to Mr. Burns) Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk.
175 - In Marge We Trust
- The "Mr. Sparkle" commercial.
- Flanders' incessant calls about his alleged sins being the reason why Reverend Lovejoy has stopped caring about helping others.
- Homer's line, "Now that's religion!" after Reverend Lovejoy recounts his fight with the monkeys at the zoo.
176 - Homer's Enemy
- The rats running into Moe's Tavern after the abandoned factory collapses ("Okay, everybody tuck your pants into your shoes!")
- Though considered offensive by some, Frank Grimes' mental breakdown and death is considered funny and well-deserved by those who think Frank Grimes was too mean to Homer.
177 - The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
- The end showing all the crazy plots for future episodes (most of which have come true in some capacity), and the newer episodes allegedly featuring a tiny, green space alien named Ozmodiar that only Homer can seenote .
178 - The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
- Bart puts 15 megaphones end-to-end, making the amplification louder, and says "TESTING!". The result is a sonic feedback loop so huge, it sends a shockwave throughout all of Springfield, breaking every window in the process and even Homer's Duff beer bottles.
- Bart nailing all of his targets during his artillery practice — and missing one. Turns out he did hit his target: Principal Skinner's car just as Skinner was about to get in it
- There's also the fact that while everyone else at the shooting range was using single-shot rifles, the instructor assumed that because Bart had attended public school he would have proficiency in small arms, so he moved him up to something a little more advanced - a grenade launcher.