- When Smalls tells Mr. Mertle the now-destroyed ball was signed by Babe Ruth.
Mertle: George signed this?!Smalls: George Herman Ruth? Yeah.Mertle: I take it back, you're not in trouble; you're dead where you stand!
- After Smalls gives his stepfather the new autographed baseball, to make up for the one he lost.
So I was grounded for a week, instead of the rest of my life.
- The look on DeNunez's face after Smalls runs the ball to him all the way from left field.
- FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!....
- Squints' Kiss of Life
Wendi: LITTLE PERVERT!Timmy: Oh man, he's in deep shit!
- The immortal line: "You play ball like a GIRL!" Made especially funny by the reactions of the other kids, who immediately go dead silent like Porter just cursed in church.
- The scene where the kids go into Mr. Mertle's abandoned house.
- "I'm the biggest!" "Don't you mean the fattest?"
- Two-ton's uncle tries to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on Tommy, who's just waking up.