- When Smalls tells Mr. Mertle the now-destroyed ball was signed by Babe Ruth.
Mertle: George signed this?!Smalls: George Herman Ruth? Yeah.Mertle: I take it back, you're not in trouble; you're dead where you stand!
- After Smalls gives his stepfather the new autographed baseball, to make up for the one he lost.
So I was grounded for a week, instead of the rest of my life.
- The look on DeNunez's face after Smalls runs the ball to him all the way from left field.
- FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!....
- Squints' Kiss of Life
Wendi: LITTLE PERVERT!Timmy: Oh man, he's in deep shit!
- The immortal line: "You play ball like a GIRL!" Made especially funny by the reactions of the other kids, who immediately go dead silent like Porter just cursed in church. To judge by his expression after he said it, even Ham realized he crossed a line, but stood by the insult.
- When Ham hits a home run, everyone yells at and hits him with their gloves for losing the ball while he just runs around the bases bragging.
- The scene where the kids go into Mr. Mertle's abandoned house.
- "I'm the biggest!" "Don't you mean the fattest?"
- Two-ton's uncle tries to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on Tommy, who's just waking up.