- When Smalls tells Mr. Mertle the now-destroyed ball was signed by Babe Ruth.
Mertle: George signed this?!Smalls: George Herman Ruth? Yeah.Mertle: I take it back, you're not in trouble; you're dead where you stand!
"Why didn't you just knock on the door? I'd have gotten it back for you." Cue everyone pelting Squints with hats
- Before this Mertle was built up by Squints to be a Scary Black Man. When the kids own up and say what was going on he gives this.
- After Smalls gives his stepfather the new autographed baseball, to make up for the one he lost.
So I was grounded for a week, instead of the rest of my life.
- The look on DeNunez's face after Smalls runs the ball to him all the way from left field.
- FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!..... FORRRRRR EHHHHHH —VER!....
- Squints' Kiss of Life
Wendy: LITTLE PERVERT!Timmy: Oh man, he's in deep shit!
- The immortal line: "You play ball like a GIRL!" Made especially funny by the reactions of the other kids, who immediately go dead silent like Porter just cursed in church. To drive it home even more, the song that was playing for the last minute or so, "Green Onions" by Booker T. and the M.G.'s, gets cut off immediately. Judging by his expression after he said it, even Ham realized he crossed a line, but stood by the insult.
- Ham's psyche-out conversations with the batters of the snobby team, making them all strike out.
Ham: You know, if I had a dog, who was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt, and tell him to walk backwards.
- When Ham hits a home run, everyone yells at and hits him with their gloves for losing the ball while he just runs around the bases bragging.
- The "exploding treehouse." Granted it's not really exploding, it's just a vacuum cleaner the gang was using to try to get the Babe Ruth ball back from Mr. Mertle's yard bursting after The Beast pinches a hose shut, blocking the air and making the pressure build up. But from the boys' point of view, it's a case of Outrun the Fireball.
Hamilton: IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!
- During the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue, Bertram is mentioned to have "really got into The '60s and no one ever saw him again." The narrator's delivery of the line sells it.
- The scene where the kids go into Mr. Mertle's abandoned house.
- "I'm the biggest!" "Don't you mean the fattest?"
- Two-ton's uncle tries to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on Tommy, who's just waking up.