Captain Ren: That's just it! We don't know! Maaaybe something bad? Maaaaybe something good? I guess we'll never know!! Cuz you're going to guard it! You won't touch it, will you?
The anthem of the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen.
Our country reeks of trees/Our yaks are reeeeeally large!/And they smell like rotting beef carcasses...
And we have to clean up after them/And our saddle sores are the best/We proudly wear women's clothing/and searing sands blow up our skirts!
And the buzzards, they soar overhead/And poisonous snakes will devour us whole/And our bones will bleach in the sun!
And we will probably go to (fart noise)/And that is our great reward/For being the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!
After singing, everyone throws their hats, kilts, and intestines in the air.
YMMV on this one, but the yak getting annoyed by Stimpy's singing and screaming, "SHUT UP!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! ALL THE TIME, SINGING, SINGING! WHY WON'T HE STOP?!?!?!" before his real freakout.
"Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy, HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY..."
"I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!"
"If'n you ain't the granddaddy of all liars!"
"I told ya I'd shoot! Butcha didn't believe me! WHY DIDN'T YA BELIEVE ME?!"
The look of demented joy on Ren's face as he bashes himself in the head with a hammer to destroy the happy helmet.
"You'll never wander all the rest are peanut butter set the passage you know it has the rose bowl."
Stimpy's constant spasms in the same episode.
Firedogs!, where a fat, middle-aged housewife in a burning building tosses various heavy objects onto Ren, including a comically oversized baby ("Save my baby! Save my horse! Save my walrus!"), then shrieks "Save me!" as Stimpy sends Ren up the fire truck ladder at high speed.
Stimpy telling Ren he has to do "number three," from "My Shiny Friend."
Ren: Heh heh... why, I can't remember the last time I did number three. (beat) NUMBER THREE?!?!?!
Earlier, Stimpy watches a cooking show and attempts to cook a chicken. Of course, this being Stimpy, he starts a fire. Ren hears a knocking on the door, totally ignoring the fire himself, and opens it...only to be run over by three firemen who just kicked down his door. When he gets up to view the commotion, he looks at Stimpy—and now the three firemen-still watching TV, eating the chicken. But here's the kicker:
"I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall, and I'm gonna look down, and I'm gonna laugh."
How are we forgetting every scene involving Sven himself?! Sven Hoek is a hilarious episode thanks to Ren's lovable idiot cousin, Sven- whose basically just a Swedish, chihuahua version of Stimpy. His voice is hilarious, he looks funny... Special mention goes to Sven counting during "Hide and Seek" with the numbers out of order, and randomly saying "Fjord!" in place of a number.
My dinosaur droppings! PAINTED LIKE EASTER EGGS!!!
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU! BOTH OF YOOOOOU!!!! *violently poking Sven in the eye*
Oh, you like the game, huh?! Well, how do you like THEES!!! (zips down and pees on the electric fence)
A scene from "Rubber Nipple Salesmen" involving Mr. Horse is simultaneously this and Nightmare Fuel. It's a truly horrifying scene, but it's also laugh-out-loud hilarious. Especially since Mr. Horse is acting so out of character.
Mr. Horse: All right, so I MADE a mistake! ONE MISTAKE! Can't a man start over?! Do I have to keep on PAYING?! HUH?! Maybe I should make another mistake! Maybe TWO more!
Ren: Please sir! I think one mistake is plenty! Just let me show you what's inside here!
Mr. Horse: *throws hands up* Don't do it, man! I'm not armed!
Ren: We really just want to sell you some rubber nipples! See?
Mr. Horse: Oh...it is a nipple. *laughs good-naturedly* Oh, what you must think of me.
The walrus. The man with rubber nipples on his knees. "My dream... is that someday, people everywhere will know the wonders of my nipples!" The whole. Damn. Episode!
"Neeeh.. Some day, I want to be just as good of a salesman as YOU, Ren!" Stimpy says happily, to a smashed Ren. Ren slaps him.
Then there's Mr. Horse's appearance in "Out West": "So. It's the old steal-the-horse bit again, is it? All right, let's do it. If we have to."
Ren's reactions to Stimpy sculpting the heads of Santa Claus and Fidel Castro on the Lincoln Memorial in "An Abe Divided" always makes me laugh.
"DO IT AGAIN!!"
Any time either of the main characters scream. Billy West and John Kricfalusi have the most epic screams of terror in cartoon history.
Ren's reaction after reading a letter about one of Stimpy's fans who still wets his bed: "You... MAKE ME SICK! YOU PROBABLY WET THE BED ON PURPOSE!"
The Haunted House and Fake Dad episodes. From the first, we have the bloody head fairy, the yak tenderizing his food, the ghost killing himself and coming back as a fat black guy. The the second, we have Kowalski, a 9 year old "kid" on what is basically a Big Brother/Big Sister ripoff. Kowalski is serving a 36 year prison sentence for crimes on humanity... and oh hell, here's a picture of him◊
The majority of "Mad Dog Hoek".
FLYING BUTT PLIERS!
"HEY REN! Pretending to wrestle is the funnest thing ever!"
"WE WILL HAVE! OUR! REVEEEEEEEEENGE!"
Stimpy's "I Like Darren!" rant is an odd example of this and Nightmare Fuel. Especially towards the end, where he's screaming his lines out like a madman, his voice has an echo effect, and the music is all crazy.
The tear gas scene in "In The Army." Especially to someone who's been through tear gas training. Stimpy's wild takes are pretty much what tear gas really does to you.
The "Log" commercials.
In "Road Apples", all the characters are sleeping on the large bed. Their snoring is keeping Red awake. Ren complains, "Everybody's asleep except me! Hey, if everyone's asleep... WHO'S DRIVING THE R.V.???" He looks to find no one is. He screams as the R.V. crashes into the water. The husband and wife puts them outside so they wouldn't wet the bed.
Wilbur Cobb: The joke's on them, I already wet the bed. HA HA HA HA HA!
A Yard Too Far.
Ren:"I'm so hungry, I'm wasting away! I'm nothing but skin and bones..." (opens his skin, showing his skeleton)
Stimpy:"Yeah, I'm nothing but skin and fat!" (opens his stomach, showing fat)
"There's no dog, but there is a baboon!"
The "Prehensile nose" gag from "Monkey See, Monkey Don't."
Ren uses the Scotsman genie to wish for women and fortune. Stimpy wishes for the world to no longer need material possessions (bye bye, money), for racial equality (bye bye, women and hello middle aged men of varying ethnicity) and live somewhere it's hot and people never grow old (cue the duo hurtling towards the sun, after the heat disintegrates his hand to slap Stimpy, Ren can only sulk and wait oblivion as the similarly melting Stimpy babbles pious jargon).
Stimpy: Ands lo, on the third day, he did wear of a goat. And it was good. Wear not the hat of unleavened bread, for it is diseased.
"Ren Seeks Help" has the scene where Mr. Horse suddenly goes apeshit chewing Ren out.
Mr. Horse: I'll tell you what's wrong with you. (beat; punches Ren in the face)YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!!!THAT'SWHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!!
Mr. Horse: That's right! You need to be locked up, away from decent, normal people! What kind of a lunatic are you!? You just walk up to strangers on the street and tell them "Hey mister, YOU WANNA HEAR SOME SICK STORIES OF MY TWISTED YOUTH!?"
Ren: I don't understand. I came to you for help! I bared my soul to you, I told you my darkest secrets, AND NOW YOU TELL ME I'M CRAZY!? What kind of a psychologist are you!?
Mr. Horse: Psychologist!? Are you nuts!? I'M A HORSE!
The moment when Ren's mother just takes the gun that Ren's father tries to give Ren, smacks Ren's father on the head with it... and then gives Ren a chainsaw.
Though the beginning steps into Tear Jerker territory, Stimpy's dramatic sobs and facial expressions at the beginning are too hammy to take seriously.
Ren's breakdown at the beginning of "Stimpy's Pregnant"
Ren: Crap! Crap! CRAP! We haven't had a job in six years. What are we going to raise him on...KITTY LITTER!?