Funny / The Railway Series

Toby the Tram Engine
  • In Dirty Objects, James mocks Toby's shabby paint. Toby has the last laugh in the conversation.
    "James," he asked, "why are you red?"
    "I am a splendid engine," answered James loftily, "ready for anything. You never see my paint dirty."
    "Oh!" said Toby innocently, "that's why you once needed bootlaces; to be ready, I suppose?"
    James went redder than ever and snorted off.

Duck and the Diesel Engine
  • The Barber telling off Duck for scaring his customer rather then crashing into the Barber Shop, then covering his face in shaving foam.
    Barber: It's only an engine.

Stepney the Bluebell Engine
  • From the beginning of "Bluebells of England", Percy is singing about the bluebells, which Douglas finds it annoying.
    Douglas: If ye must sing, Percy, can't ye sing in tune?!

Small Railway Engines Mike being teased by Bert and Rex in response to comments about Duck's whistle, which is jammed by an egg.
Mike:If engines can't whistle properly they shouldn't try.
Bert:Then why do you?
Mike:Why do I what?
Bert:Try to whistle of course.
Mike:Shut up! You're jealous. Mine (his whistle) is better than yours anyway.
Rex:Listen Mike. If I had a whistle like yours you know what I'd do?
Rex:I'd lose it.