Funny / The Rachel Maddow Show

  • Says Rachel of what she will do to you if you "get lemon juice from anything other than a piece of fruit" while mixing a drink:
    Rachel: ...I will hide under your bed at night and grab your ankles when you wake up in the morning and terrify you forever. In my other life, I'm a goblin.
  • Her reaction to Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal's disastrous rebuttal to Barack Obama's 2009 State of the Union address:
    "Um. Ehh...ummm. Uh buh buh... [...] I know I'm paid to talk for a living. I am incapable of doing what I'm paid to do right now. I'm absolutely stunned."
  • Rachel is "accused" of being a Lesbian Vampire. Her response? "Oh no! They're onto me!"
  • Declaring "I'm old" after Kesha (very politely) called her out for mispronouncing her name as "Keisha."
  • 11/14/13 : Rachel Maddow's impression of a pro-life group (who wanted to stop Romneycare) getting distracted. Fun starts at 10:30 into the video.
    Rachel: SQUIRREL!
  • Rachel's description of Richard Engel hijacking her rundown meeting to explain a Very Important Thing That Happened In Iraq. (It was important, and Richard did a very good job explaining it, but... he still hijacked Rachel's rundown meeting and it was hilarious.)
    Rachel: So this afternoon, we were having our news meeting for the show, like we do every day at lunchtime-ish. And while we were meeting, Richard Engel came by. Now, Richard is a world traveler. Literally, that‘s his job as NBC‘s chief foreign correspondent. So it‘s always nice to see Richard here at the office and we all said, 'Hi, Richard, it‘s great to see you!'

    But then he didn't leave. He was just hanging around while we kept going on with the meeting. I was like, 'Richard, do you want to add something to the meeting here?' And he said, 'YES! Let me tell you what just happened in Iraq. There‘s this huge deal that just happened.' And so he starts talking to all of us about this huge deal. And I notice his hand is twitching while he's talking. So I give Richard the pen for the whiteboard and he proceeds to diagram the huge deal that just happened in Iraq and what it means for the thousands of Americans who are still in Iraq right now and what‘s going to happen next.

    He finishes up... and we‘re all totally impressed and I said, 'Man, I wish you could do exactly that on the show tonight. Everybody who watches our show should just see what you just showed us. That was so amazing.' And so we make it so! NBC‘s chief foreign correspondent, Richard Engel. Richard, thank you for hijacking the meeting today.
  • When reporting how she's doing on her March Madness bracket, and how her score is identical to President Obama's, she makes a rare (for her) foray into Insane Troll Logic here.
    • In short, she lapsed into lolspeak to ask to fly on Air Force One.
  • In November 2015, the day after guest-hosting her program from Paris after the massacres there, Richard Engel again appears as a guest on Rachel's show, and she (quite seriously) asks him if he can stick around through a commercial break so she can ask him some more questions. Richard's response could just as easily have been translated "Of course, you idiot!" In the middle of all the shock and horror, the warm, intimate moment of levity between two old, dear friends was a sorely needed and very welcome bright spot.
    Rachel: [very seriously] Richard, we have to take a quick break, but can you hold on for just a moment? There's another piece of this that I want to talk to you about which is kind of the technical part of it in terms of —
    Richard: [mock indignantly, grinning at her] I was here all night last night! I'm gonna leave now?? [Rachel starts cracking up] I'm here for you, Rachel!
    Rachel: [breaks down laughing] Alright! Stay right there, I've got bomb questions for you when we come back.
  • Rachel doesn't really believe in astrology — but she's still an Aries, dammit!
  • Rachel's reaction to Stephen Fry's photographer being shagged by a rare parrot.
  • More on the darkly humorous, or at least ‘laugh because the world’s going insane,’ side, but Rachel has kept a listing of the turnover of staff at the Trump White House, adding the titles of the job vacancies as they open. As the Trump administration enters its second year, she notes that they’re going to have to either get a new font or a larger screen, because in one year, there has been more turnover than the whole of the Obama presidency. (Not Obama's first term; his whole presidency.)
    • As of February 28, 2018, she is turning in her chair to allow a bigger view of the screen. The very next night, a handful more names were added to the list, and the dilemma rose its head once more.
  • On the March 26, 2018 show, the screen on the wall behind her briefly glitched on air. Rachel stops mid-report, turns to look at it, asks if they can do that again, and then returns to her reporting as if she hadn’t stopped at all.