History Funny / TheProphecy

** Gabriel doing the "coin behind the ear" trick and telling Jerry it's bus fare.

* When asked by Catherine who he is, Gabriel replies "[[Really700YearsOld That's a long story]]."
* Gabriel to Thomas after the latter and Catherine catch him about to kill Mary:

** The completely casual way Gabriel tells Thomas and Catherine what he's going to do to Mary to get Hawthorne's soul.

* After Catherine shoots Gabriel when he crashes his way into the Indian hut:
-->'''Gabriel:''' ''[collapses and glances down at his bullet wound, then glares back up at Catherine]'' I'm getting so fed up with you.
-->'''Catherine:''' [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu Go to Hell.]]

-->'''Gabriel:''' ''[collapses and glances down at his bullet wound, then looks back up at Catherine]'' I'm getting really sick of you.

--->'''Thomas:''' Goddamnit!
--->'''Gabriel:''' You're ''really'' gonna have to watch it with that profanity!

* Gabriel and Rachael sitting at the counter in a diner. Gabriel looks deep in thought while Rachael just stares blankly. For bonus points, Gabriel has a large blood stain on his shirt, and Rachel is wearing a hospital gown.

* Gabriel meeting with Jerry:
-->'''Gabriel''': Gee, Jerry, you look like shit.

* After Gabriel insinuates he needs him for a while longer, Jerry remarks "Never trust a fuckin' angel," all the while Gabriel [[DisapprovingLook glares]] at him.

** When they finally unearth the corpse, Gabriel is...rather enthusiastic about how the late colonel was the "meanest, sickest talking monkey" before stating "I love him!"

--->'''Jerry''': Bad news for the war effort, huh?
--->'''Gabriel''': [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]

---->'''Gabriel''': Jerry, if you were a soul, where would you hide?
---->'''Jerry''': The hell away from you?

-->'''Gabriel''': So, where's the soul? You know, bigger than a breadbox?

--->'''Gabriel''': No one hears the Word anymore. No one! [...] There's only the argument. I will not step aside. I will [[PunctuatedForEmphasis NOT! ALLOW! ANY!]] Talking monkey...to take my place!
** After [[spoiler:[[KillItWithFire immolating Simon]] who [[DefiantToTheEnd still refuses to divulge the soul's location]]]], Gabriel has the last of the scenery for dessert.
--->'''Gabriel''': Where did you put it? ''GIVE IT TO ME''!!

-->'''Gabriel:''' (''delighted and impressed'') Very good!

-->'''Gabriel''': Son of a gun! Priest wannabe. Figured it out.

--->'''Thomas''': Goddamnit!
--->'''Gabriel''': You're ''really'' gonna have to watch it with that profanity!

-->'''Jerry''': (''smiling slightly'') Thanks, man. You're a sport.

-->'''Gabriel''': (''slams Thomas against the wall'') Pest! You have any idea how hard it is to get one of those?!

--->'''Gabriel''': Can't drive. But I can wait...[[WhoWantsToLiveForever until the stars burn out]], if you don't make up your mind.

-->'''Gabriel''': Nice move, beautifully done. Tommy, you gotta come back with me. Upstairs. I-I can get you in now. You'll love it! Nobody tells you went to go to bed! You eat all the ice cream you want! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick You get to KILL, all DAY! All NIGHT!]] Just like an angel!

-->'''Gabriel''': (''collapses and glances down at his bullet wound, then looks back up at Catherine'') I'm getting really sick of you.
-->'''Catherine''': [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu Go to Hell.]]
-->'''Gabriel''': [[InsultBackfire Heaven, darling, Heaven. At least get the zip code right.]]

** After [[spoiler:[[KillItWithFire immolating Simon]] who [[DefiantToTheEnd still refuses to divulge the soul's location]]]], Gabriel chews up whatever's left of the scenery.

* After escaping from the police, Gabriel goes to the hospital, explains to the nurse someone's going to die very soon, and tells her "I'll just be a minute." The nurse objects and moves to call security, only for Gabriel to execute his instant death touch on her, then casually turns and walks into the ICU.

** As he and Rachael depart, Gabriel tells a waitress, Madge, that he doubts they'll meet again, to which Madge agrees. This becomes a BrickJoke in the third film where a reformed Gabriel visits the same diner, meets Madge again, and greets her exactly like he did the first time around.

-->'''Gabriel:''' ''(delighted and impressed)'' Very good!

* Gabriel grousing at Thomas [[spoiler:after he shoots Jerry in the head, finally killing him]]:

* Jerry's cheerful response to Thomas shooting him multiple times and doing his best to kill Jerry. Jerry's line is so incongruous that you almost can't help finding it funny.
-->'''Jerry:''' [smiling slightly] Thanks man. You're a sport.
* After escaping from the police, Gabriel goes to the hospital, explains to the nurse someone's going to die very soon, and tells her "I'll just be a minute." The nurse objects and moves to call security, only for Gabriel to execute his instant death touch on her, then casually turns and walks into the [=ICU=].

** Gabriel's concise reply to Rachael when she asks him why he needs her alive:
--->'''Gabriel''': Can't drive.
* Gabriel's WeCanRuleTogether offer to Thomas:
--->'''Gabriel:''' You'll love it! Nobody tells you went to go to bed! You eat all the ice cream you want! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick You get to KILL, all DAY! All NIGHT!]]

* Gabriel and Rachael sitting at the counter in a diner. Gabriel looks deep in thought while Rachael just stares blankly. For bonus points, Gabriel has a large blood stain on his shirt.

!!From the first film:

* Gabriel's cheery '''HI!''' when pulling Rachel away from death. The fact that he looks like an undead version of, well, Christopher Walken makes it that much funnier.
** Then a GeniusBonus joke as Gabriel is teaching kids to play his horn. Keep in mind, it is ''the'' horn that Gabriel's supposed to blow to begin TheRapture. Not surprising when one boy ''shatters his schoolhouse's glass windows'' with it.
*** Made funnier by his benediction to the departing children: "Study your math, kids. Key to the Universe."[[note]]Which priest/scientist Roger Bacon originally stated, that mathematics was the lock and key to the Universe.[[/note]]
** Gabriel's WeCanRuleTogether offer:
--->'''Gabriel:''' You'll love it! Nobody tells you went to go to bed! You eat all the ice cream you want! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick You get to KILL, all DAY! All NIGHT!]]

!!From the second film:

!!From ''The Ascent'':

* During Danayel's rally, when someone shouts "God is dead!", Gabriel turns and shoves the guy.
* Gabriel being questioned by the police in ''The Ascent''.
-->'''Detective''': (looking at Gabriel's driver's license) There's no date of birth. Why is that?
-->'''Gabriel''': I asked the woman at the Department of Motor Vehicles that same question. She told me not to bother her on her coffee break.
-->'''Detective''': Well, why don't you tell me. How old are you?
-->'''Gabriel''': (''{{beat}}'') Thirty-nine.

!! From the first film:

-->'''Gabriel''': (''{{beat}}'') 39.

* In a FunnyBackgroundEvent, one of the kids smacks an older kid directly in the head with a dodgeball.

** Gabriel's WeCanRuleTogetherOffer:

* Gabriel's cheery '''HI!''' when pulling Allison away from death. The fact that he looks like an undead version of, well, Christopher Walken makes it that much funnier.

* Gabriel's cheery '''HI!''' when pulling Allison away from death. The fact that he looks like an undead version of, well, Christopher Walken makes it that much funnier.