"My blanket! My blue blanket! Give me back my blue blanket! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
"I'm hysterical!" *splash* "I'm wet! I'M WET! and I'm still hysterical and I'm WET!" *SMACK!* "I'm in pain. I'm in pain, I'm wet... AND I'M STILL HYSTERICAL!"
"(high-pitched voice) Alright, alright! What can I do?! You're gettin' me hysterical!"
The "Hysterical" scene is truly hilarious, but the 2005 remake earns extra points in this troper's book, simply because Max's 'comforting happyface' reminds me so much of the eyes-rolled-back-stupidly-grinning ':D' face commonly used 'round the web, and for adding the line:
Max: Who's my little accountant? Who's my little accountant? You are! Yes, you are! You're my little accountant!
And Max's "please, you're making me hysterical" face before that.
"You're gonna jump on me! You're gonna jump on me and squash me like a bug!!!"
In the original movie, Leo worries, "I know you're gonna jump on me, like Nero jumped on Poppaea!" Cue an explanation to Max on who exactly Poppaea was and why Nero jumped on her.
The Genius Bonus of calling him "Prince Mishkin" makes it even better.
The wonderful "Love Power" number with Dick Shawn as a deranged hippie. "THAT'S OUR HITLER!"
"And what have you been in in the past fifteen years?" "Jail, man."
"Darling, I lieb you, I lieb you. Now, lieb me alone."
Roger staring with absolute horror at LSD's audition. His secretary/boyfriend, Carmen Ghia, on the other hand, seems quite taken with LSD's pelvic thrusts.
"Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings! We're only seeing SINGING Hitlers!" (Dancing Hitler potentials groan disappointedly, walking offstage. Two Hitlers skip and twirl offstage.)
The auditioner in the cowboy outfit coming near the end of his song, only to be rejected by Roger. He almost walks off stage, but instead sings the last two notes of his song, and gives his audience the finger.
Liebkind attacking Bialystock and Bloom, who frantically dive for cover beneath the desk. If you listen closely before they dive beneath the desk, you can hear Bloom scream in a high-pitched voice.
One of the little old ladies Max woos gets distracted by a violin player, and Max resorts to pouring champagne down his pants to get him to stop.
Liebkind going bananas over Winston Churchill's humorous pronuntiation of the word nazis
Noses, Noses... it wasn't Noses, it was Nazis!
That whole rant is glorious.
'CHURCHILL!' With his cigars, and his brandy! And his ROTTEN painting, ROTTEN! Hitler, THERE was a painter. He could paint a WHOLE apartment in one afternoon, TWO COATS!!
Liebkind in a full-body cast after blowing up the theatre, singing "America the Beautiful".
Returning from the disastrously successful first night of Springtime For Hitler:
"I only followed orders! I had nothing to do with the war! I didn't even know there was a war on! We lived at the back, near Switzerland. All we heard was yodelling... yodel le he hoo! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, Yodelay, Yodelay, Yodelay!''
Bloom: Please, Mr. Liebkind! (whispers) People can hear you!
Liebkind(freezes in horror, begins singing awkwardly): YAAAAAAN...ky Doodle DAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDY...!
That moment at the start of "When You Got It, Flaunt It" where Max almost realizes that he's the "crazy man" Ulla was talking about, and tries to ask Leo about it.
In the 2005 remake, Max has a flashback in jail, but the mother in it is calling out to Alvin.
Max: Wait a minute... my name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes! What the hell is that about?! I'm not a hillbilly - I grew up in the Bronx!
Remember when Ulla dance?
ULLA DANCE AGAIN!
"I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it, that's not me! I'm a loser! I'm a coward! I'm a chicken, can't you see?! ... I can't do it! I can't do it! You see Rio, I see jail! I cannot, cannot, cannot, 'cause I know it's going to fail!"
Max's reaction to Leo wondering what this volcano-esque feeling inside him is after seeing Ulla dance:
It's called an erection. Well, it's either that or malaria. Don't worry, they've got pills for everything these days.
Donald Dinsmore auditions for Hitler by singing "The Little Wooden Boy". But he's not able to get to the song because the directors shout "NEXT!" after only a few bars. The startled reaction on Dinsmore is just perfect.