- "OOOOOHHHH!! Look at that big scary monster! OOOOOOOOOHHH!"
- "Aww, man! Fat kid farted!"
- "Have you or have you not, at some point in life..." (long pause) "been dorked?"
- "Do I look in the phonebook for Big Scary Mansion?"
- Patrick and Rudy are hiding in the bushes, watching Patrick's sister kissing her date. Rudy won't stop looking at her.
Patrick: Rudy? Rudy! (hits him with his walkie-talkie)
Rudy: This babe is major.
Patrick: Rudy's in love.
Sean: Well, good for Rudy.
- "DOESN'T COUNT?!"
- Both spit takes.
- "Know any virgins?"
- The Brick Joke involving the army showing up at the end. It's funny as hell when you remember that what summoned them was a note written by Eugene —in crayon— asking the "army guys" to come and help.
- The other Brick Joke, about killing werewolves. Early in the film Rudy is asked about the secondary way to kill a werewolf, and he says that there's only one way. The rest of the 'squad' give various suggestions, including It falling out of the window, into an explosion. Guess what happens to the wolfman at the end of the film, failing to kill him?
"Wolfman's got nards!"
- The Groin Attack on the Wolf Man. And, of course, the main page-topping quote, which is arguably the film's most memorable line.