Funny / The Man Who Knew Too Little

  • Wallace freaking out the muggers in the alley:
    Mugger 1: Have you got any spare change?
    Wallace: I don't have any of your money yet.
    Mugger 1: (holds up knife) You sure about that?
    Wallace: No, I'm not. I'll give you what I have. I do have American money. It's just as good. Here. I'm sorry. Nobody told me it already started. All right, then, just go back to "Give me your money" or whatever the heck.
    Mugger 1: Just give me money or I'll cut you!
    Wallace: Let me just do my line, first... (gets into character) Please don't kill me. I'll give you all the money I got. I'll give you everything. I got no jewelry. I just got a couple of kids. They don't want to see their daddy dead on the street.
    Mugger 1: I don't want to kill you.
    Wallace: I'm sorry. I was not prepared for any of this stuff.
    Mugger 1: Just give me the money!
    Wallace: One more. (gets into character) It's getting so that decent people can't even go out on the street anymore... without SCUM like you trying to step on whatever's decent in this world. But, you know something? Your type are just going to be the kind of crap... that sticks to the bottom of a good man's loafer. (breaks character) I am stinking the place up. Take the wallet and let's go on to the next scene.
    Mugger 2: Take the money.
    Mugger 1: YOU take it. He's a bloody nutter.
  • When Boris plays dead:
    Lori: I've never seen a dead body before.
    Wallace: I've seen lots, but this is... BOO!
    Lori: What're you doing?
    Wallace: You gotta check and see just how dead they are. You can never be sure. Guy could be able to (tosses an object at him) CATCH THIS!
  • After Wallace unknowingly hurts Lori's feelings by introducing her as a call girl, he notices:
    Wallace: Was that a tear? How do you people do it? Do you poke yourself in the eye? Or are you thinking right now: "My dog is dead"?
    Lori: What's the matter with you? Are you enjoying this?
    Wallace: Enormously. My dog is dead. My dog is dead.
  • "Yo, matey, you just stabbed me with your pen."
  • One of the hitmen awkwardly trying to give a tied-up Wallace his nasal spray.
  • The Running Gag of crashing the elderly couple's room who are engaging in S&M.
    Old man: I'm a very naughty boy.
  • And in the next scene, when Wallace holds the old woman hostage in the elevator:
    Old woman: It's our anniversary.
    Wallace: Yeah, I'd like to believe that... from one of the most dangerous women in the world. I suppose you were involved with that business in Helsinki with Ponsonby. Did you get your kicks, Doctor?
    Old woman: We were just having a little fun.
    Wallace: You had your fun. And he got his head sent home in a freezer bag.
  • Wallace brainstorming a performance he wants to put on to the agents:
    Wallace: Cats... but with people. People as cats.