- "Now how do you like that? I want him buried—you want him buried—and if he could sit up and talk, he'd second the motion!"
- The undertaker noting that he treats every man like "just another future customer!"
- Chico's "bullfight". Elmer Bernstein even gets in on the humor: The mariachi cues really come across like a musical Deadpan Snark.
- O' Reilly's exasperation when trying to coach one of of the villagers who just keeps getting too excited when trying to shoot. Finally he's had enough and takes the gun from the man, and proposes a different use for the weapon.
"You take the gun like this (holds the weapon like a bat) and you use it like a club!
- Yul Brynner is doing everything within his power not to laugh right then and there.
- During the final battle, there is a moment where we see said villager doing exactly that, and it working for him.
- Most of the scenes with O' Reilly and the three boys are funny moments.
Village Boy #2: We drew straws. And we got you!O'Reilly: You got? What's that mean? You got me.Village Boy #1: If you get killed, we take the rifle and avenge you.Village Boy #2: And we see to it there's always fresh flowers on your grave.O'Reilly: That's a mighty big comfort.Village Boy #2: I told you he'll appreciate that!O'Reilly: Well, now don't you kids be too disappointed if your plans don't work out.Village Boy #1: We won't. If you stay alive, we'll be just as happy.Village Boy #2: Maybe even happier.Village Boy #1: Maybe... (cue awkward silence)
- This exchange, taking place just after Britt has shot dead one of the bandits who was fleeing on horseback:
Chico: [awed] That was the greatest shot I've ever seen!Britt: The worst. I was aiming for the horse.
- Chico then gives Britt an "Oh, don't be so hard on yourself" look towards him.
- Speaking of Britt, his intro has a classic moment. The loudmouth approached him napping by the fence. Britt lifts his hat brim.
Loudmouth: Feline told me what you said, and I say you're wrong. What do you say?(Beat; Britt lowers his brim in epically nonchalant "Screw you" fashion)Cowboy: HAW, HAW, HAW!
- After the first challenge, the loudmouth keeps trying to challenge him again...and Britt keeps on napping, getting the guy even madder...and madder.
- O'Reilly is full of these in general, starting from the moment Chris and Vin approach him as he's chopping wood as payment for his breakfast.
Chris: I'm a friend of Harry Luck's. He tells me you're broke.O'Reilly: Nah. I'm doing this because I'm an e-ccentric millionaire.
- Shortly afterwards, O'Reilly's priceless mid-chop doubletake when Chris tells him the job is six men against thirty guns. "I admire your notion of fair odds, mister."
- Calvera tries to explain to Sotero how there's little religion in some places.
Calvera: Last month we were in San Juan. Rich town. Sit down. Rich town, much blessed by God. Big church. Not like here - little church, priest comes twice a year. BIG one. You'd think we'd find gold candlesticks. Poor box filled to overflowing. Do you know what we found? Brass candlesticks. Almost nothing in the poor box.Bandit: But we took it anyway.Calvera: (glares at the onlooker) I know we took it anyway.
- Vin's...interesting "parables". A man jumps out of a ten-story window and calls out while passing each floor "So far, so good"? A man jumps into a mess of cactus because "it seemed like a good idea at the time"? ...Makes sense.
- The way Chico slings Petra over his shoulder like a haystack after he discovers her spying on him.
Funny / The Magnificent Seven