"Congratulations. That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Ever."
"And that is when I decided to pursue the noble art of artificing."
Kvothe, after barely escaping expulsion, points out that he deserves an academic promotion for successfully setting his professor on fire with a sophisticated spell.
Kvothe's song parodying Ambrose Jakis, affectionately titled "Jackass, Jackass".
Almost everything that comes out of Elodin's mouth:
During Kvothe's hearing to discipline him for writing "Jackass, Jackass" to insult Ambrose, Elodin undermines the Chancellor's admonishments for Kvothe's inappropriate behavior by humming the song the entire time. And then actually singing the lyrics as Ambrose starts to leave the room.
And then when he's ordered to post a letter of apology to Ambrose, he does. In fact, he posts a hundred copies of the letter, all apologizing profusely for the song, which it reproduces in full with two new extra-bawdy verses and annotation, so that everyone can understand in detail the insulting references to Ambrose.
Kvothe buys what he thinks is a perfectly black horse, which he names using a word he thinks means "First Night" or "Twilight". Hearing the name, the man he buys the horse from becomes oddly eager to sell. Later, when he goes to sell the horse off, he discovers that the owner dyed one of the horse's legs to drive up the price, the name Kvothe chose actually means "One-Sock" (his language skills were rusty), and the man he bought it from was convinced his chicanery had been discovered.
"Master Kvothe, I am trying to wake your sleeping mind to the subtle language the world is whispering. I am trying to seduce you into understanding. I am trying to teach you. Quit grabbing at my tits."
Getting himself and Kvothe trapped on the roof of the building, in the middle of a storm. Completely naked. The key was in his pants, you see.
The name of Elodin's class: Introduction to Not Being a Stupid Jackass. Before that, Elodin told him it was "The Name of the class."
Getting Kvothe back into the Archives by making a deal with Lorren that if Kvothe is caught messing around again, Lorren can cut off Kvothe's thumbs.
"What the hell?" I demanded, wringing my hands. "I... What the hell?" Elodin looked at me, puzzled. "What? You're in. Problem solved." "You can't offer to let him cut off my thumbs!" I said. He raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning on breaking the rules again?" he asked pointedly. "Wh— no. But..." "Then you don't have anything to worry about," he said. He turned and continued up the slope of the roof. "Probably."
In the above scene, Elodin and Kvothe are on the roof, and Elodin decides to walk over and knock on Lorren's window for a word. Lorren does not seem to find this particularly odd. Hell, Elodin could probably do almost anything and the other masters wouldn't blink an eye. It's just how crazy he is. (Although, in fairness, this is Lorren we're talking about.)
Tricking Kvothe into helping him trash Master Hemme's room.
"Master Elodin, why don't you want to teach me naming?"
And afterwards, "I live here, what's your excuse?"
The class where he tried to show them something by chasing around a bunch of flower seeds in the air. He chases them around for about 10 minutes, trips and injures his knee, starts a stream of cursing (in eight languages) so vile that it actually makes Kvothe a little sick, inhales a seed and nearly chokes, then just quietly limps out of the room. The best part is Kvothe's closing comment about the whole scene:
The Adem view on fatherhood. Namely, it doesn't exist because men don't impact reproduction.
An Adem tells Kvothe some of their rumors about outsiders, one being that they drink their own urine. Kvothe, completely serious, asks if it means they don't, leaving her completely shocked... until he starts laughing.
Also, Adem have a very relaxed view of sexuality. Kvothe discovers it first when he gets a bit too Distracted by the Sexy during his lessons and the teacher asks if them having sex would help. He's taken aback for a while.
Kvothe under the effects of Ambrose's plum bob.
Sim: Which is worse, stealing a pie or killing Ambrose?
Kvothe: A meat pie, or a fruit pie?
Sim: Do you know what would happen if you tried to knife Ambrose?
Kvothe: There'd be a trial, I suppose... and people would buy me drinks.
The entire sequence is hilarious. "Sim was as patient as a priest, explaining to me that, no, I shouldn't go buy us a bottle of brand; no, I shouldn't go kick that dog barking across the street..."
Also, Simmon and Kvothe decide that, since the latter can't understand what's a good idea and what isn't, that the former should classify the bad ones on a scale from 1 to 10. When Kvothe talks about killing Ambrose, Simmon immediately classify it as a 10... then lowers it to 8. Then to 7.
One of the funniest parts of the sequence was right at the beginning, where Sim, trying to illustrate to Kvothe that his judgement is impaired, asks him to try and think of anything that would be a bad idea. After several moments of strained thought, Kvothe cautiously suggests "jumping off the roof". Which is hilarious when you remember that he's done precisely that while stone-cold sober.
"And the boy's ass fell off." Best ending ever. Totally deadpan.
Fridge Logic So what happened at the end? The king screwed off the boy's arse.
Tempi being the only one who thinks the joke's funny. "His ass off."
Well, there's a phrase "Don't seek (mis)adventures on your ass".
And then there's the "It's all energy" thing from Sim in WMF, compounded by Denna at the end of the scene.
Most of the bonfire scene (the one before they get Denna's ring back).
Kvothe's spur-of-the-moment recreation of the poor Chronicler as a (rather badass-sounding, actually) mythic folk hero on an epic quest that will give local storytellers throughout the region material to create an entire ream of stories, much as they've done with Kvothe himself. Bast jumping in to help only makes it better.
When Kvothe returns to the University after his adventures in Vintas, he goes through admissions without having to worry about tuition because of Alveron's credit. Not having to be on his best manners, his inner smartass goes wild.
Hemme: Well well... I heard you were dead
Kvothe: I heard you wore a red lace corset. But I don't believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.
Narration: Some shouting followed, and I was quickly brought up on charges of Improper Address of a Master. I was sentenced to compose a letter of apology and fined a single silver talent. Money well spent.
Alternative Title(s):The Name Of The Wind, The Wise Mans Fear