- The Hostess Fruit Pies ad of long ago, where I stole a kid's report card.
- The best part of that is, if you didn't know it's a fruit pie ad, it's totally believable for good old me to do that in canon just to be a dick.
- Heck, whether you know it's an advertisement or not, it's easy to see me doing that just for the hell of it.
- Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth is a very dark, very mind-screwy, and very scary comic. Nonetheless, just seeing me slap the Bat-butt's... well... ass is unbelievably hilarious.
- The entirety of The Batman Adventures #16:
- Life in the world of comic book publishing:
"But I just draw! I can't write!"
- Good old yours truly, disguised as an ice cream vendor in the dead of winter, has this exchange with a kid I'm about to kidnap:
Me: Ice cream! Bomb pops! Hey, kid! How about some ice cream?Kid: Ice cream? But it's freezing out here.Me: Well then, how about a violent abduction instead?(cue the goons, who grab the kid and stuff him into the ice cream cart headfirst)Me: Ah, what the heck. Take both, my treat. It's the season of giving, after all.
- Life in the world of comic book publishing:
- Another one for moi, from Joker: Devil's Advocate:
- Amoral Attorney: We're getting down to the wire, Joker. No outbursts like the other day, please.Me: So I give a show. You want them to think I'm nuts, right?Amoral Attorney: I don't want them to think you're guilty. There's no compelling evidence to connect you to the stamp murders. The city's case is weak. You could walk if they can't pin the murders on you.Me: It's a no-brainer, Milt. Just prove I'm crazy and it doesn't matter if they connect me to some poisoned stamps.Amoral Attorney: Oh, it's that easy to show insanity?(I slam my face into a metal table without the slightest hesitation; and bring it up to show an unflinching grin and a face speckled with blood)Me: It's THAT easy.◊
- Later in the comic, after I got sentenced to death, the warden once asked me what I wanted for my last meal. I told him I wanted "Something light. Perhaps a fruit salad with fresh strawberries. And the tiniest dash of sweet cream. Cholesterol, you know." However, the warden pointed out that strawberries wouldn't be in season for three months. My response? "Oh... I can wait."
- And the first time I got sent to Blackgate Prison, I get this lovely lecture from a tough guard, who looks a lot like Drill Sergeant Nasty:
DeFillips: You're in Six Block. That's Death Row. Here's the rules. Touch a guard and it's an axe handle for you. Hit a guard and it's the axe handle and mace. Stab a guard and it's the handle, the mace and thirty days in the box. Kill a guard and God help you. Any questions, clownboy?
Me: How do they get those little pimientos in the olives?
- Detective Comics #826◊ - all of it.
- And here, we have this little gem from Steve Englehart's Dark Detective mini:
- Me (After being threatened to drop out of the race for Governor by Two-Face): Who does he think he is? Who two people does he think he is? Trying to influence an election... this ain't Florida!
- The Arkham Redemption. It ain't often that I pull one over on ol' Batsy, but when I do, it's Worth It!
- From Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?:
Harley Quinn: "I can't believe he's gone."Me: "I can't believe he didn't die when he first dressed like a giant bat and jumped off the roof."
- This quote from Batman: Cacophony:
- Lest we forget of a certain magic trick. Though some people would call that one awesome instead of funny. Meh, I can work with both.
- John Arcudi's "Auteurism" (Legends of the Dark Knight #162-63) has several of these for good ol' Mistah J, but the crowning one has to be the line that I deliver to a henchman who - surprise, surprise - thinks that my latest plan makes no sense.
- "If I explained it in terms that a fly could understand, maybe the fly can explain it to you."
- And then there's the Batman: The Brave and the Bold episode ''Joker: The Vile and the Villainous!" In my own twisted way, I'm the hero, teaming up with the Weeper so Gotham can be safe for Criminals once more. How, you ask? By stopping Batman from building the Bat-Probe, a device which tracks crimes as they happen. Hilarity Ensues.
- Here's another episode from the same show, this time a Lighter and Softer Animated Adaptation of the comic book Emperor Joker, in which the little Bat-Mite accidentally gave me PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS (!!!) that turned me into a supreme Reality Warping being, who then had the power to create the ultimate Death Trap from which the Bat (whom I rendered powerless) would not escape! Though he did escape the iron maiden trap, he completely failed to notice the final part of the Rube Goldberg Device: a giant hammer that came crashing down on Batman, squashing him flat like a pancake! When I (along with the others) saw his winged spirit playing a harp and flying off to Bat Heaven, I was surprised that good ol' Batsy was a goner; and after a brief pause for a moment of silence, I used my phenomenal cosmic powers to bring him Back from the Dead with a snap of my fingers. I would then play more comedic, deadly games with Batsy with my newfangled powers, offing him and bringing him back repeatedly in a Death Montage, over and over and over again, until he got all worn out. Combined with Moment Of Awesome, that was one of the biggest Funny Moments ever!
- Two Words: Joker's Boner.
- And of course, my finishing move in Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is just perfect.
- You're a mean one, mister Joker...
- And the video game Batman: Arkham Asylum has me, in a thong (in word only, but still).
- Speaking of video games, would you excuse me while I just go shoot the architect? Come here, you little...!
- How 'bout my answering machine? Leave your message at the sound of the shriek.
- In the ninth and final issue of my comic from the good ol' 70s, Catwoman and I were both trying to kill the same guy for our plans. So at one point, what appears to be a certain Dork Knight finds her at her lair. So after making out with him and then locking him in a cage, it turns out it wasn't Bat-Breath. It was ME!
- That episode of the Batman Animated Series when I thought I inherited $100,000,000, and found I had to pay taxes on it. I quickly went about doing it so I wouldn't go to jail for tax evasion. As I said then, I'm crazy enough to mess with Batman, but the IRS, NO THANK YOU!