Funny / The Island of Misfit Christmas Specials

• Peter's review of The Star Wars Holiday Special. It only consists of "Why was it such a misfit?" followed by this and nothing else:
  You know why.
• Peter finishes his coverage of Ted E. Bear specials by commenting on an ad at the end of Ted E.'s Thanksgiving for some Ted E. Bear books. He notices an Easter story that none of his sources mentioned a TV adaptation of, and remarks, "If it exists, based on the descending level of quality I expect that one to be re-enacted with paper bag puppets and stock footage of farm animals."
• In the review of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, Peter details Jake's reaction to the thought of Santa getting arrested:
  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Jake Darth Vaders.
• Towards the end of his review of Holidaze, Peter caps off his review by saying this:
  Anyway, yay wow, Christmas is saved! Let's all eat Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup(R)(TM)(C 2006 CAMPBELL'S ENTERPRISES LTD ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)!
• In his review of the 1979 airing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Peter falsely claims that an ad for an Alien action figure showed up during the program.
• From Peter's review of Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July:
  • A demonstration of how you could apply the Narmy quote, "I'm twying! I'm twying weeal hawwrd!" to anything that doesn't go well◊.
  • This Blatant Lie regarding some Special Effects Failure during an Imagine Spot about an army of Frosties◊:
    There are no mirrors here. We really animated thirty snowmen. Honest.
• The phonetic transcription from his review of the second For Better or for Worse Christmas special (which starts off mocking the fact that Mike gained a noticable Canadian accent after The Bestest Present), "See all dat sneww? Dat's big box, babee! I'm gonna make COOOLD HERD CASH clearing driveweys! You betcha!".
• In his review of ION Network's The Twelve Wishes of Christmas, he points out that Chonda Pierce's character "looks like a human◊ Derpy Hooves in a lot of these shots."
• The Elf on the Shelf: An Elf's Story:
  • Peter's Running Gag of slapping "™" after "Elf on the Shelf".
  • Taylor, the oldest child in the special's family, doesn't believe in Santa or elves.
    His individuality is a threat to the spirit of conformity and he's just asking for a visit from the Buddy Bears.
  • The family names its Elf on the Shelf "Chippie". Peter would have preferred Taylor's suggestion of "Stinkypants".
  • Taylor nudges Chippie off a shelf, and Peter comments on the entire absurdity of how it's depicted in the special.
    Taylor moves his finger closer and closer to Chippie, veeeeery veeeeery slowly, while the girls scream "NO, NO, NO!" and his finger gets closer, and closer.....what is going on?
    Finally, Taylor's finger is close enough to Chippie that it makes contact, and the finger gently nudges the elf. The elf starts teetering off the shelf in extreme slow motion. The girls are in physical pain over this. Chippie plummets off the shelf in bullet time at .000000001 miles per hour, and falls an entire foot before he softly hits the ground.
    TAYLOR KILLED CHRISTMAS!!!!!
  • Chippie suffers a back injury and is airlifted by some other elves to the North Pole. Taylor's sisters become upset when they discover that Chippie is missing.
    How could [Taylor] break such a Christmas tradition? A corporation said it was one!
    "It just doesn't feel like Christmas without our Elf on the Shelf™," whimpers one of the girls.
    "Without our patent-pending Elf on the Shelf™, will Christmas even come?" wonders the other. Will the sun still rise next morning? Will gravity remain constant? Maybe not! You'd better buy one and not take the chance!
  • Taylor writes to Santa, telling him how sorry he is that he "lightly pushed his Elf on the Shelf™ and made it fall twelve inches, and that he wishes it would come back". Chippie recovers instantly and comes back to the shelf. Taylor according to Peter "is now a full-fledged, born-again Santa-ist and is planning to leave for missionary work in Zaire."
• Peter's entry of Siskel & Ebert's 1987 Holiday Gift Guide.
  • During the part where they discuss children's videos, Peter has this to say:
    Roger had harsh words for Barbie And The Rockers, which was about Barbie causing world peace by performing a concert on the moon, when it wasn't about Barbie trying on makeup. Personally, I see no difference between this and "Piggytoes".
  • Gene Siskel's personalized episode of Lady Lovelylocks:
    If this company was in any way competent, Gene should have been stopped at the gate. Most people knew who he was, they'd seen his show....when they got that name and photograph, the obvious reaction should have been "Waaait a minute....Gene Siskel?? Nice try, buddy!" But it didn't happen, he got through, and it made for the best capper this special could have gotten.
• Peter's review of Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Christmas Spectacular contains amusing descriptions of all of the weird costumes Lady Gaga wears throughout the special, and even one donned by one of the other celebrities.
  Now Gaga, dressed as a large baby bottle filled with cinnamon◊, performs "Fashion" with drag queen RuPaul, dressed as Queen Elsa after getting hit by lightning.
• From the end of his review of Mumfie's White Christmas:
  You-Are the Tangled-Antlered Reindeer
  Had some very tangled antlers
  And if you ever saw them
  You would say "Boy, those are some tangled antlers"
  All of the other reindeer
  Used to look down on him and demote him to degrading grunt work
  They never let poor You-Are
  Join in any actual flying
  Then one windy Christmas Eve
  Mumfie came to say
  "You-Are, with your antlers so tangled,
  Won't you save the life of this white bird you ran into and injured and then drove off like an a-hole?"
  Then all the reindeer loved him
  As they shouted out with glee
  "You-Are, the Tangled-Antlered Reindeer...
  You probably won't go down in history because the one cartoon you were in was forgotten as soon as it aired and that was over twenty years ago."
  • The "Does Mary Lou Retton like it?" part, where she holds a box of tampons with a vector of Mumfie photoshopped on them.
• His review of Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa.
  • In the opening, Peter jokes that the special takes place in South Park, Colorado. While the kids are at recess, Peter says, "All that's missing is Sally Struthers pleading with the viewer to call a phone number and support them for pennies a day."
  • Peter calling Ricky's love interest Nicole a "humanoid mound of Play-Doh". Later on, he calls some junkyard dogs "brown poops with table legs".
  • Peter analyzes Nicole's song.
    "Look at me, look at me, I'm the best kid in the world!" wails Princess Belle (real lyrics), moving her arms and legs jerkily while the camera remains static, only changing angles occasionally. There's just no comparison between this musical number and Veruca Salt's showstopping "I Want It Now," and also, unfortunately, it doesn't end with the possibility of Nicole being burned alive.
  • Peter states that he refuses to call it the worst Misfit ever, because he knows something worse will come along. He then gives a description of what the worst Christmas special possible would be like, which almost seems more suited for a creepypasta than a Christmas special:
    The animation quality will be two frames a second and the character designs will be so ugly that if you stare at them longer than three minutes your eyes will actually receive physical damage. Fran Drescher will do all the voices, as nasally as possible, and the music score will be the "NEOWT NEOWT NEOWT" from Sir Paul's "Wonderful Christmastime" repeated on a five-second loop. Half the special will consist of men wobbling around wailing loudly in Swahili and the other half will be graphic footage of the Manson murders. The cartoon will charge you $9.97 per minute to watch it, but won't inform you of this until it's over. The special will be three hours long and will make your entire living room smell like dog poop (thanks to a new technology called "HyperSmel" founded by tech bros).
  • When the time comes for Mary Lou Retton to give her two cents, it's implied that the special killed her.
    To everyone who kept requesting this special, this is on your heads and I hope you're happy with yourselves.
• Peter's comment about Grace Jones in his review of The Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. Grace was supposed to be mailed to the White House but wound up at the playhouse instead.
  I know Trump is a strange man, but why would he want Grace Jones shipped to him in a box? ....Oh, right, this was thirty years ago. I guess it's in-character for Reagan.
• In Kelly Clarkson's Cautionary Christmas Tale, Peter outlines the conversation Kelly has with Jay Leno on The Tonight Show. Jay badgers Kelly on how her show will benefit the children before saying, "Yeah, that's great. You know, when I donate MY songs to the orphanage, the kids say they're delicious, sure."
  Wow. When you get cut that deep by Jay Leno, of all people, you know you're in trouble.
• Peter notes the Series Continuity Error when Casper's First Christmas shows Yogi Bear celebrating Christmas with Casper and other members of the Hanna-Barbera menagerie when Yogi's First Christmas would later establish that Yogi had never done so due to hibernating through the holidays.
  Try not to think about the fact that one year after this, it was established that Yogi sleeps through Christmas. This is....I dunno, the Yogi from Earth-2.
• The Annabelle's Wish review.
  • It opens with the following:
    There was a cow who had a wish, and Annabelle was her name-o.
  • Peter pointing out the Mood Whiplash between the introductions of Annabelle and Aunt Agnes:
    This is all very sweet and cuddly, but then suddenly — JUMP CUT TO DRUNK RICH WOMAN!
  • Aunt Agnes steps in a "surprise" from an unidentified animal in the barn. Peter points out the early Nobody Poops aversion in a Christmas special.
    I don't have any hard data that Annabelle's Wish was the first holiday special to say "caca," but I'm pretty sure it is.
  • After the sheriff tells off Gus for not knowing what it's like to lose a loved one, Peter comments "The mortality rate is unusually high in that neighborhood."
• Olaf's Frozen Adventure:
  • Peter's recording includes a bug advertising the then-upcoming The Rise of Skywalker. The image in which this shows up is captioned with a remark from Olaf, responding as only Olaf can:
    Oooh, look, Sven, a screen bug for The Rise Of Skywalker! I bet it'll be the best Star Wars EVER!
  • Peter's commentary on the special's ending where Elsa sets up a huge party and a feast with her powers.
    This time they HAVE to eat it, or it's off with their heads!
  • The video ends with a "second opinion" about the special from a "top secret mystery guest", who admits that he wasn't paying attention to the special because of...well, this:
    Steven: Pearl is kinda going through an existential crisis. She found out a pearl isn't really a gem since it comes from an animal and not the ground. Since it's unlikely that oysters developed on other planets, it's completely illogical to be a pearl from space. Maybe impossible! Anyway, she's currently lying on the floor in a fetal position, sucking her thumb. Maybe she'll get better, maybe not. I dunno...
• The Andy Williams And The NBC Kids Search For Santa review.
  • Peter's analysis of the song Andy sings when he and the child actors are at what they assume is Santa's workshop.
    "Now you all wait here, while I head over there.
    When I reach the house, I will shoot up a flare."
    They are all two feet from the front door.
    "Better still, I'll signal by removing my hat!
    You'll know when you see me do that."
    He isn't wearing a hat. None of the other verses make sense either.
  • Santa disappears after Andy sings to him. Peter isn't sure if Santa sprinted out of his workshop, or if he exploded.
    How is Andy going to explain THIS to the kids? They went through all this trouble to meet Santa and Andy ends up singing a song so bad that Santa blows up before they can talk to him? Shame on you, Andy.

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