- Mac explains the concept of God to Lincoln:
Mac: Well, you know when you want something really really bad and you close your eyes and you wish for it? God's the guy who ignores you.
- The conversation that went nowhere, fast.
Bartender: Well, it's your lucky day, Captain Kirk. He's in the can.Lincoln: He's in a can?Bartender: Takin' a dump.Lincoln: A dump? Taking it where?Bartender: Tell you what, Bubba, you're fixing to get on my nerves. First door on the right.Lincoln: Thank you.
Bartender: (to Jordan) Something to drink? Jack?Jordan: Yes, please.Bartender: Straight up? (Jordan looks up at the ceiling)
- Then Jordan and the Bartender.
- Don't you just looove those 'first meetings'.
Tom Lincoln: Why is my insurance policy sitting in my fuckin' sofa?
- A construction worker's reaction after seeing Jordan and Lincoln surviving a Michael Bay action sequence that wrecked a building:
Worker: Jesus must love you!
- When Mac is explaining to Lincoln and Jordan the nature and purpose of their existence, he states that they're the source of replacement parts for their "owners." Cue Lincoln subtly crossing his hands over his groin.
- Jordan finally figures out this "sex" thing and demonstrates it to Lincoln.
Lincoln: Why didn't we ever do this before?Jordan: Shut up!
"Well, I don't want to spoil anything, but boy, are you in for a treat."
- Earlier, Tom Lincoln's disbelief at Lincoln not knowing what sex is when his "best friend" is Jordan.