Funny: The Frighteners

The Movie

  • Frank running over Ray's garden gnome while backing his car out of the Lynskeys' lawn, and Ray's damn near distraught over the loss of his garden gnome.
    Ray: Oh! Budzo! My Budzo! My Budzo! (yelling after Frank as he drives off) I got your license plate number, YOU BASTARD!!!
  • During Stuart and Cyrus's haunting of the Lynskey household, one of the ghosts causes a Raggedly Ann doll to tug at Lucy. Lucy just screams, but Ray screams, jumps up, grabs a pillow, and starts hitting the doll as it backs away and eventually stops.
    • While kitchen tools are floating through the air, Ray gets conked in the head by a pan (or something) immediately after mentioning "It's nothing that the police can't handle!"
  • When Frank informs him his services have a hefty charge, Ray makes an outraged sound, but Lucy, standing behind Frank, silently tells him to calm down. Frank then offers to lower the price; when Ray hesitates, Lucy angrily mouths at him to "DO IT!" He finally gives in.
  • Stuart's first scene has him stumbling out of Frank's car trunk and saying he's going to throw up. Frank then coaches him through the process, which involves Stuart's cheeks puffing up before the vomit comes spewing out.
  • Cyrus's rant about Frank's car:
    Cyrus: Man, I hate that trunk!
    Frank: I don't want you guys spreading your ectoplasmic muck all over the car seat.
    Cyrus: Well, ain't that a bitch? The ectoplasm's the only thing sticky enough to hold the damn car together! Look, Frank, I'm sorry 'bout your pus-yellow, piece-of-shit Volvo, but we ain't riding in the damn trunk no more, you understand? We would like to cruise with some style, man!
  • Stuart gets stuck in the door to Frank's house.
    Frank: Hey, Stuart, in or out, huh?
  • When Frank gripes that Cyrus and Stuart didn't bang the toilet seat lid like they were supposed to and that they made him "look like an asshole," Cyrus replies, "We strained our backs lifting that heavy-ass bed, Frank!"
  • Cyrus's rant to Frank after the latter threatens to send him and Stuart back to the cemetery:
    Cyrus: Well, you can pull this, Frank! I'm about to go like Jesse on yo' ass! I'mma find me some other black ghosts, and then organize a march! The African-American Apparition Coalition—the A double-A C. And let me tell you somethin', Frank—there ain't nothing worse than a bunch of ticked-off brothers that's already dead!
  • Frank spraying buy spray into Stuart's face, which melts.
  • Cyrus poking his head out of a stereo after The Judge fires off his guns.
    Cyrus: Y'know, if I wanted to get shot at every day, I'd move my black ass to Los Angeles! (disappears)
  • Anything involving Hiles.
    • In his first scene, Hiles shifts uniforms within a span of at least ten seconds while bullying Frank and chewing him out for taking advantage of ghosts.
    • His death scene warrants a mention. His response to the advancing Reaper? "Who in the hell are you?! Sound off like you got a pair!" When the Reaper then draws his scythe, Hiles shifts into combat gear...only to be swiftly cut down by the Reaper.
  • Agent Milton Dammers has...issues:
    Dammers: (to Sheriff Perry) You are invading my territorial bubble!
  • The hot ghost-on-mummy action scene:
    Judge: I like it when they lie still like that!
  • Cyrus and Stuart animate a skeleton in order to distract the police from Frank. When the skeleton takes a lot of damage and falls down, Cyrus tearfully remarks "And she was so young and beautiful!"
  • For a nice bit of Black Comedy, Bartlett gleefully saying he can't wait to tell Ted Bundy that he outdid him in his Body-Count Competition, and then complaining about Andrei Chikatilo (the "Russian cannibal creep" mentioned in the quote below) bragging about how many people he killed in life.
    Bartlett: That Russian cannibal creep is going around telling people he did fifty-plus! (groans) That reflects badly on the both of us, Patty! That title should be held by an American!
  • "Ah, the ol' express bus to Hell—no lines, no waitin'!"

From the Director's Cut

  • During Stuart and Cyrus' haunting of the Lynskeys' house, Lucy and Ray see a raw chicken walking down the hallway.
    • It gets mentioned later on when Frank is tearing into Stuart and Cyrus, and he tells Stuart that the chicken wasn't scary. Cyrus is heard snickering at this.
  • Cyrus pulling Stuart out of the front door, and Stuart hitting the wall afterwards.
  • Stuart indignantly saying he's going to give Frank a stern talking-to about his treatment of his employees, only for Frank to call down from upstairs, "You talking to me, Stuart?" and Stuart, cowed, to say "No."
    • Cyrus then tells Stuart he's not being assertive enough and gives an excellent example of how he should approach their friend/employer. For bonus points, Cyrus's head is illuminated by a lightbulb, making the guy look almost like a Jack O'Lantern (complete with Glowing Eyes of Doom), as he does so.
      Cyrus: You just gotta go up to him, look him in the eye, and say "Hey, Frank...GIMME WHAT I WANT OR I'MMA BUST YO ASS!"
  • Frank is in the shower when Cyrus's head appears out of the drain so he can talk to Frank. Frank eventually tells Cyrus he has to pee and he's not getting out the shower. Cyrus promptly vanishes down the drain.
  • Frank is accosted by The Grim Reaper (not Bartlett) and scared out of his mind. Then, The Grim Reaper turns out to be...Stuart and Cyrus in disguise. Frank is far from amused, angrily tells the two to never pull that stunt again, and stalks off. When Stuart then enthusiastically suggests trying a white sheet next time, Cyrus rolls his eyes upward at him and delivers this gem:
    Cyrus: Nuh-uh. Ain't gonna be no white sheet, brah.
  • When Cyrus and Stuart are about to haunt a wealthy woman's house and they see a woman walking by, they quickly avert their eyes and fall quiet as the woman passes by. Bear in mind that these guys are ghosts and invisible to regular people.


  • A behind-the-scenes one: Apparently, any time Michael J. Fox tried to say "Judge!", he said "Doc!" instead.
    Michael J. Fox: Doc! "Doc?" I did it again! Wrong fucking movie...
  • From the blooper reel on the Director's Cut:
    • Chi McBride doing a hilarious impression of Scotty.
      Chi McBride: (with a Scottish accent) Stuart cannae take no more, Cap'n!
  • Peter Jackson relating the story of how he dissolved into laughter while watching a shot of Jeffrey Combs' mouth as saliva began to dribble out of it.