Funny / The Colour of Magic

The novel

  • Rincewind trying to swear at Twoflower in Trobian, which doesn't really have profanities:
    You little [such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in the bath atop Mt. Raruaruaha during a thunderstorm and shouts that the goddess of lightning has the face of a diseased uloruaha root]!!
  • Rincewind working out the meaning of several words Twoflower uses, like "tourist":
    Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the Discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant "idiot".
  • "Some pirates achieved immortality by grand deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great amounts of wealth. But the Captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying."
  • The competing theories about the nature of the universe: the Steady Gait (as opposed to our world's Steady State theory of Fred Hoyle) and the Big Bang hypothesis - which, as it involves turtles mating, is the other meaning of 'bang'...

The 2008 TV film

  • When Rincewind and Twoflower are meeting for the first time they are discussing the Counterweight Continent.
    Rincewind: But the legend says it's made of gold.
    Twoflower: Well, it's not made of gold. Gold is just a really common metal there.
    Rincewind: You might like to keep that to ourselves.
    (Rincewind turns around and sees Broadman several inches away from his face)
  • Rincewind is trying to drag Twoflower out of Death's house. Then we get this exchange:
    Twoflower: Amazing! I've never been at Death's door before!
    (Rincewind punches him across the face)
  • Rincewind flipping off Broadman and Blind Hugh after succeeding in communicating with Twoflower.