- During the game of I Have Never:
Gavin: I have never been in bed with a girl, and after sex, thought she wouldn't notice if I let go a little... bit of wind, did so, and realised it wasn't wind; it was diarrhoea. So, I've never been in bed with the girl of my dreams... with poo all over the sheets behind me. Raise your hands, anyone who has not done that.Everyone denies it except Doctor Dave.Angus: Ohh-h-h! David!?Dave: to Gavin You bastard.Gavin: What?! I didn't tell anyone!Carl: You did that?!Dave: Yeah...Carl: What did you do?Dave: Well, I - I told her that my wife would be home in five minutes, so she left.Carl: So, you got away with it!Dave: Well, it's a...grey...area...Gavin: Tell him.Dave: The problem being that my wife then came home and I got into quite a lot of trouble for pooin' in - in the bed, at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
- The Count, about to make his (possibly fatal) jump from the titular boat's mast into the sea: "A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-wop-bam-boom!"
- Thick Kevin disguised as the Easter Bunny for Christmas.
- "When did you have sex with Bob?" "Oh, stop badgering me, I— .... how old are you?"
- Minister Dormandy: "We have their testicles in our hands, Twatt. And it feels good!"
- "Sometimes, just sometimes, I think I should be called Clever Kevin." *Falls out of bed* "Ow."
- Everyone's hysterical attempts to stop The Count and Gavin jumping off the mast.
Dave (Through a megaphone) Get away from the edge, you silly bastards!
- The whole Stag Night scene.
- When Carl loses his virginity, and leaves his bedroom...only to find the entire crew outside the door, eagerly awaiting the news, and broadcasting it to 20 million listeners, and then celebrating wildly on air.
- Harold: "I do have somewhere else to go....but it's Peckam. So I'd probably better stay here."
- The sign at the end reading "Anyone but Angus."
- Mark looking very satisfied when everyone is rescued, as he's ended up on a boat being towel-dried by a group of nurses.
- Gavin clutching a (wet) fag in his mouth as he backstrokes towards the rescue boats.