Funny / The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

• Imogene getting everyone's weight by implying to the school nurse that she and Ollie have chicken pox. The gradual buildup is what makes it work.
• Imogene's threat to shove a pussy willow down Alice Wendelken's ear, and the story afterwards with Ollie showing that, yes, she has actually done it before.
  Nurse [heard all down the hall]: HE'S GOT SOMETHING GROWING DOWN THERE!
• The little kid who keeps interrupting the narrator's mother asking what would happen if anyone gets sick.
• In the first sequel, Gladys helps Eugene discover his special talent for cracking walnuts against his head. In the commotion, the Herdmans pilfer the refreshments.
• During one pageant rehearsal, a discussion begins about costumes. Hobie Carmichael is supposed to be a shepherd and doesn't know what to wear, so Charlie suggests he wear his father's bathrobe. Hobie explains his father doesn't have a bathrobe; he hangs around the house in his underwear. This inspires Moral Guardian Mrs. Wendleken to complain to the minister that all the Herdmans do is "talk about sex and underwear," even though they didn't mention underwear, nor was sex brought up in any context.
• Narrator Beth tells us that when Charlie was in the preschool class at Sunday school, his teacher dispensed with the usual singing of "Jesus Loves Me" for the congregation. Instead, when the kids are invited to participate in the service, they're asked to tell what they like best about Sunday school or draw a picture representing it. The other kids say nice, normal things: they like learning about Jesus, cheerful friends, and the nice teacher. What's Charlie's contribution? The best thing about Sunday school is: there aren't any Herdmans there! Until, of course, he tells the Herdmans about all the desserts he gets in Sunday school.
• The entire sixth chapter of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. The last rehearsal coincides with the night the Ladies' Aid has to set up for a special dinner, complete with the baking of a large applesauce cake. Beth's mother intends to go through the pageant without stopping, but that all goes out the window when Imogene sneaks off to the ladies' room to smoke a cigar. The smell makes the Ladies' Aid thinks the church is on fire, and panic ensues. In the midst of this, an actual fire occurs because the Ladies' Aid let their cake burn. Beth describes things like "shepherds climbing all over the fire truck" and the minister running over from the parsonage in his pajamas to see what the heck is going on. Where are the Herdmans in all this? Well, that's what we'd all like to know...
• In the opening chapter of The Best School Year Ever, the Herdmans steal Louella McCluskey's baby brother from his stroller, which Louella parked in front of the grocery store while she went in to get some stuff. When Louella and Beth find the baby at the Herdmans' they've drawn all over his head with red, blue, green, and purple markers and erected a sign: See the Amazing Tattooed Baby! 25 Cents. Even funnier, Beth's little brother actually pays a quarter to see it.
  • And what makes the story funnier? Howard was bald as a stone (which was why the Herdmans could draw on his head so easily) but after cleaning up the marker drawings, hair started growing from his head like grass!

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