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1964 TV Series
- Both scenes of Wednesday teaching Lurch how to dance are Crowning Moments of Funny, Heartwarming AND Awesome.
- From "Lurch's Grand Romance"
Wednesday: *puts the record on*, "This is amazing. It's called The Droop." *starts dancing, Lurch just stands there* "C'mon, now you try it".Lurch (pointing to himself): "Me?"Wednesday (still dancing): "I think Miss Trivia's a swinger"Lurch: "'Swinger'?"Wednesday (still dancing): "You don't want Miss Trivia to think you're square, do ya?"Lurch (croaky voice, shaking his head): "No."Wednesday (still dancing): "Then if you learn to dance well, Miss Trivia will think you're boss!"Lurch: "'Boss'?"Wednesday (still dancing): "Neat. Groovy. C'mon, try it"Lurch starts dancing slowly and awkwardly, bent overWednesday (still dancing): "Loosen up a little; let yourself go!" *Lurch stomps his foot*Miss Trivia (offscreen): *sings part of her Lucky Day song*Wednesday (still dancing, Lurch waving his arms): "You got it, Lurch!"Both keep dancing, Lurch jumps a bit
- From "Lurch's Grand Romance"
- This exchange from the episode with the biker Rocky when the family plans to invite his father for dinner.
Wednesday: We have a surprise for you!
Rocky: I know. Satan's coming to dinner.
Wednesday: Oh, no. That was last week!
- Earlier, when Rocky mentions being surrounded by weirdos, Fester asks where. Rocky says in the other room, and Fester ecstatically proclaims "This I gotta see!"
- In the same episode, Cleopatra eats Rocky's fork.
- When Morticia thinks Wednesday is missing, she has this conversation on the phone.
Morticia: I want you to find my little girl WednesdayMissing Persons Guy: I'll find her Tuesday if I can, but don't hurry me.Morticia: No, Wednesday's her name.
- When Morticia is painting, she says she wants to name her painting "The Blob" because she heard another of her paintings described with that word and got inspired.
- For some reason, seeing Uncle Fester skipping rope is funny.
- Ophelia. And how plants can grow on her head.
- Which leads to this.
Ophelia: "I don't like poison sumac. It won't grow on my head."Cousin Itt: *gibberish*Ophelia: "Maybe I should get my head examined."
- Which leads to this.
- The episode "Cat Addams"
Morticia: She's lost all desire to strangle.Vet (with Cleopatra coiled around him): All of it?
- When Morticia pretends that Cleopatra (the plant) is sick.
Morticia: He doesn't need a doctor, what he needs is an undertaker!Fester (sitting up abruptly): I'm not dead yet!!!
- When Uncle Fester is Playing Sick
- When Thing pops up and the guy says, "Get that thing away from me!"
- This conversation between Morticia and Fester
Fester: "You wouldn't even let me fix that leak in the roof, even though my finger could fit in the hole perfectly.Morticia: "That's because it's my favourite leak!"
- In "Christmas and the Addams Family", when all the adults pretend to be Santa. Later, the real Santa comes and does his job unnoticed. The results by character are as follows
Pugsley: "Either that's Grandma, or Santa Claus is a woman...either that or Grandmama's a man!"
- Fester: gets stuck in the chimney.
- Gomez: Is pretty successful; though he does fall off the roof, he manages to sort-of convince the children and is unharmed.
- Grandmama: Gives herself away because she's a woman
Wednesday: "You sure have grown!"Pugsley: "You sure you aren't Lurch?"
- Lurch: Too conspicuous
Wednesday: "Either Santa's shrunk and let his hair grow, or that's Cousin Itt"
- Cousin Itt: Way too conspicuous.
- In the Halloween Episode, when the crook says he'd rather wrestle with a lion than bob for a live crab, Morticia says, "would you?" and calls Kitty Cat.
- Gomez to Lurch on the gorilla doing his jobs
Gomez: "Lurch, there are some things you can do and some things an ape can do"
- In "The Addams Family Meet the V.I.P.s", said V.I.P.s call Lurch a "slave" and Thing a "robot".
- When the plumber is called to fix Kitty Cat's drinking fountain, but also spy on the Addamses, there's this conversation
Kitty Cat: *roars loudly*Plumber: "What's that noise?"Morticia: "That's Kitty Cat"Plumber: "Roaring like that?"Morticia: "Well, if your drinking fountain was broken, you'd roar too!"
Plumber: "The lion tore my pants!"
- And later, when Kitty Cat tears his pants.
- In "Cousin Itt Visits the Addams Family", the whole plot is funny: when he's sent to work at the zoo, he's mistaken for an animal.
Fester: "I take a shot, and then you take a shot."
- He wanted his "military hairbrushes"
- And Uncle Fester's idea of "fair"
- When the zookeeper says that the Addamses need a cage each at the zoo, to which Morticia responds with, "I think we'd prefer one big family cage".
- Morticia notes that Cousin Itt is a "rolling stone", to which Gomez notes that he seems to have gathered quite a bit of moss.
- In "Addams Family Splurges", when Uncle Fester casually says, "All we need is a spaceship" (to go on vacation to the moon)
Gomez: "It's still a nice round figure."
- And when they lose all their money they won off of gambling, Thing draws a zero but it's not a Tear Jerker because of this line.
- This conversation when the large stuffed bear gets burned up.
Taxidermist: "I'm sorry, I can't replace it, but I can give you a lion"Morticia: "We already have a lion"Taxidermist: "Stuffed?"Morticia: "Well, he is when he's had his dinner"
- When Lurch's mother orders Gomez to nail Thing's box and he complies, it shakes its fist at him.
- When Grandmama gets taken to court and she and her family are sitting in a row. The guy asks the judge which one was the one being tested for a crime and the judge replies "The odd-looking one". The guy looks them over and, considering they all look pretty odd, asks again.
- And in the same episode, Grandmama is tapping her cup against the bars of the jail and shouting "Let me out!". Morticia asks if she's okay and she says yes, she was just singing.
- And in the same episode, Uncle Fester calling the light bulb thing he does "science".
- Grandmama and Thing are said to be working "hand in hand"
- In "Thing is Missing" when Gomez says Thing has been "thing-napped".
Morticia: "I am here to report a missing Thing"Cop: "Should I put your case in the Burglary or the Missing Persons category?"Morticia: "It's not exactly a person, but it is alive"Cop: "Is it a pet?"Morticia: "It's a...family retainer"Cop: "A servant? Isn't that a person?"Morticia: "Not necessarily"
- And Thing's first, last, and middle names are "Thing"
- This phone conversation.
- They then put an ad in the newspaper for a "missing Thing, property of Addams" or something like that and get sent random objects.
- This line from "Crisis in the Addams Family"
Gomez: "When a lion tamer gets injured by the lion, do they mope? Not always"
- The whole premise of "My Son the Chimp": A chimp sneaks into the house and puts on some of Pugsley's clothes. Fester sees and thinks he's turned Pugsley into a chimp.
Morticia: "Don't worry, Pugsley, we will collect you from the astral plane"Pugsley: "What sort of plane?" (he then makes a paper plane)
- And they try to call his soul.
Gomez: "How many syllables?"Thing: (holds up two fingers)Gomez: "Who do we know with two syllables?"Morticia: "That's a tricky one"Fester: "Pugsley's missing and you're playing games?"
- And Thing knows where the real Pugsley is and tries to hint it to them.
- This part of "The Addams Family and the Spaceman" (a bit of context: Two investigators had seen Lurch and Cousin Itt making a strange potion. Because Lurch was moaning and Itt was speaking gibberish, combined with the smoking potion (which Lurch called punch) and how strange Itt looked, they thought they were aliens. They then walked over to Gomez and Morticia and tried (unsuccessfully) to speak Itt-talk to them, and Gomez, in jest, replied in gibberish. Because of this, Gomez and Morticia began to think the investigators were aliens and the investigators, in turn, began to think that Gomez, Morticia, Lurch, and Itt were aliens. Gomez and Morticia then took them into their house and locked them in the "play room", then called the police. The cop (who was coincidentally the investigators' boss) saw the trapped investigators, and well....)
Cop: "They aren't Martians."Gomez: "Yes, they are"Cop: "What makes you think they're Martians?"Gomez: "They said, 'ugga bugga horaft'"Cop: "That's not Martian, they learnt that from me"Morticia: "Then you're Martian?"
- "Lurch and His Harpsichord"
Morticia: "What do you want to knit?"Lurch: "A harpsichord"
- When Morticia is teaching Lurch how to knit
Morticia: "What a music lover"Gomez: "He reminds me of Aunt Trivia"Morticia: "Was Aunt Trivia a music lover"Gomez: "No, she just liked to go around kissing harpsichords"
- When the man who wants to donate the harpsichord kisses it before leaving.
Morticia: "We've left Lurch in the lurch"
- When Fester, Gomez, and Morticia see Lurch playing an imaginary harpsichord
Gomez: "Let's go to Lover's Leap!"Fester: "What do we do there?"Gomez: "We'll make love and you'll leap!"
- This conversation
Doctor: "Oh, what a pity, your little dolly lost her head"Wednesday: "She didn't lose it, she's Marie Antoinette and I chopped it off!" *does the off-with-your-head motion*
- Gomez's Zen Yogi move of hanging from the chandelier.
- Seeing Gomez lying on the floor with a golf ball on his head, and Morticia swings her club and the ball bounces and ends up in the stuffed moose's mouth. Gomez calls it a "hole in one". Then he swings his club at the ball (which is now on the floor) and misses, accidentally flinging the club into the stuffed moose's mouth. He calls that a club in one.
- Grandmama "pinpointing" the trouble with Lurch's throat with an actual pin.
Grandmama: "Dr Addams (Gomez) has only lost one patient—his first and last"
- Equal parts Moment Of Funny, Nightmare Fuel, and Tear Jerker this line from the same episode (Lurch the Teenage Idol in case you were curious)
Fester: "It came out nice and clear, but I don't think it's the real you...it's the real me"
- Fester trying to take Lurch's picture but photographing himself by mistake.
Morticia: "I don't think Lurch has aphids"
- And when Fester tries to cure Lurch's lost voice with bug spray
- When Itt speaks because of something Morticia did
Lurch: "Ugghhhh"Itt: "What do you mean by that, Lurch?"Lurch: "Just...ugghhhh"
Gomez: "We don't think you're useless, we just can't find a role for you in the play"Itt: *Gibberish*Gomez: "No, there are no parts for sheepdogs"
- And before that
- When Gomez's relation from Spain describes Thing as "handy"
Man: "Are you Mr Addams?"Lurch: "I...am...Lurch"Man: "Pleased to meet you, Church"Lurch: "Lurch"Man: "Oh, Lurch!"
- Also this
- Itt taking Gomez's "you look like a haystack" as a compliment.
- "Halloween, Addams Style" had some funny bits.
Gomez (about his knife): "That's for carving."Fester: "That's what I was afraid of"Gomez: "Not for carving you, for carving your likeness"
- When Gomez tries to carve a pumpkin like Uncle Fester
Fester (after falling in the apple bobbing water but getting out and Morticia says she can't understand him trying to talk in water): "Well, I was about to say I was drowning, but I'm okay now!"
- At the end, the neighbours think Grandmama is a witch because she was on the roof and holding a broomstick.
- Gomez and Fester apple dunking with a seesaw. Gomez leaves to answer the door, so Fester wins, and Morticia kisses him as the prize, stating she thought Gomez would win.
- And there's also this line
Gomez: "How about Fido?"Morticia: "For a horse?"Gomez: "How about Rover?"Morticia: "Much better"
- And the one-episode Running Gag of Fester thinking that "horse whipping" meant "to be whipped by a horse"
- Gomez finds a pet horse for Wednesday and they wonder what to call him.
- From the episode with Princess Millicent (Gomez's aunt), Lurch and Uncle Fester are seen carrying a lot of luggage belonging to the princess.
Gomez: "I thought she was travelling light?"Morticia: "She is. Lurch and Uncle Fester are travelling heavy."
- And also Thing's crush on Lady Fingers.
- Lurch's "accordion pants" which make noises like an accordion.
- Whenever Lurch groans at a pun. Double points because it's practically impossible to tell if that's a Lame Pun Reaction or he enjoys the joke, or if it's just Lurch being Lurch.
- Some Adult Fear could put Tear Jerker and Nightmare Fuel into this, but at the same time it's also funny in "Morticia's Favourite Charity" when there's a pair of Pugsley's shoes next to Cleopatra, which causes Gomez to think Cleopatra ate Pugsley and tries to squeeze him out of her/it. Made even funnier when Pugsley shows up.
Pugsley: "Father, why are you attacking Cleopatra?"
- While "Amnesia in the Addams Family" was rather a tearjerking episode, it had its funny moments, particularly this conversation.
Gomez (who has amnesia): "I'm gonna buy you a nice doll that says, "Mama"Wednesday: "What did I do wrong?"Gomez: "Nothing"Wednesday: "Then why are you punishing me?"
- In one scene, Fester walked across some hot coals barefoot and was unaffected. Gomez then did it with his shoes on and they burned up and Morticia said, "Maybe next time you should do it with your shoes off".
- There's one episode in which Morticia, Fester, Grandmama and the children mishear something Gomez said and therefore think they are broke and try to make money but try to keep it a secret from Gomez so they don't hurt his feelings. When Gomez sees the children selling stuff, Morticia says that she wants to teach them the value of money, leading to this...
Gomez: "This is a penny. Five pennies make a nickel, ten nickels make a dime, two dimes make a dollar. Do you understand?"Pugsley & Wednesday: (in unison) "Yes, father"Gomez: "Good. Now you both know the value of money."
- Equal parts funny and Tear Jerker was Wednesday crying over a story in which a dragon dies in the first episode.
- "Morticia's Romance" had several funnies.
Ophelia: "How was that?"Gomez: "That was green"
- Ophelia breaking things. When she does the dishes, she breaks most of the plates and when she plays the violin, she saws it in half with the bow.
- When she tries to kiss Gomez but knocks him into a bush instead
Gomez: "Did anyone tell you that you have the most beautiful brown eyes?"Morticia: "No, and my eyes are blue"Gomez: "No wonder nobody told you that!"
- Grandmama Addams and Granny Frump musing on how difficult it is to get lion-sitters these days.
- This conversation
Gomez: "What colour did you say your eyes were?"Morticia: "Blue"Gomez: "Keep them that way"
- And later
Gomez: "I can't help myself"Morticia: "I can help myself, but I don't want to!"
- Gomez and Morticia when they kiss for the first time.
- When Ophelia literally runs away with Cousin Itt.
- And when she gets her crush on him...
Ophelia: "I'm in love with a fine, handsome man"Fester: "Sounds like me but I'm her uncle!"
- And when she gets her crush on him...
- In "Uncle Fester's Toupee", when Fester's girlfriend calls him a "bald, electrical newt"
- And when she found out he was electrical
Morticia: "Uncle Fester likes to charge himself up"Girlfriend: "'Charge himself up'? Does that mean he drinks?"Morticia: "Certainly not. Uncle Fester is electrical.Girlfriend: "'Electrical'?! What does that mean?"
- Also this line from Gomez
Gomez: "Never go to bed angry or on fire"
- And when she found out he was electrical
- When Uncle Fester makes hair restorer, but some gets on a portrait of a lady who is probably Morticia's aunt.
Morticia: "I don't remember Aunt Anemia having a beard and a moustache"Gomez: "A beard maybe, but never a moustache!"
- This conversation
Pugsley: "We're bored"Morticia: "Then, go play in the cave."Wednesday: "We played there already"Morticia: "Then play in the swamp."Visitor: "Did you say 'cave' and 'swamp'?"Morticia: "It's not much, but there's plenty of room to romp."
- After "Fester" nearly gives himself away, Gomez vents his frustrations by crashing his model trains. We see a shot from inside the train, which features a miniature living person who looks up from reading the newspaper to see Gomez laughing maniacally.
- Also a Creator Cameo. That's director Barry Sonnenfeld.
- "Spirits above, give me a sign! Shall I be joyous or shall I be damned?!" [trains collide, exploding and causing the house to shake]
- Gomez's Heroic B.S.O.D. after being forced out of his home. He now sits around all day watching television.
Morticia: Why don't we go for a drive? The whole family?
Gomez: A drive? And miss Gilligan?!
Grandmama: [peeks her head in through the front door] Dinner's gonna be late! [goes out; heard from outside] Here boy! Here boy!
- Also the family's attempts at trying to "fit in" to this new lifestyle. One example happens right after the above dialogue:
- Wednesday's concerned elementary-school teacher approaches Morticia with a picture Wednesday brought to class as part of her report on 'Our Heroes': an old woodcut of a witch being burned at the stake.
Morticia: Wednesday's great-aunt Calpurnia. She was burned as a witch in 1706. They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister.''
Morticia: Oh yes. But don't worry: we've told Wednesday 'College first.'
Morticia: [worried] Have you spoken to her parents?
- Also, Morticia's reaction after hearing one of Wednesday's classmates did her report on Jane Pauley.
Morticia: Oh no, Margaret! Too young!
- Briefly after that scene, we see Margaret fawning over her son in his elf costume, finishing up with the typical "you're so adorable I could eat you alive!"
- After the Addamses are thrown out, we get this dear dialogue...
Morticia: We will survive! Poison us,strangle us, break our bones - we will come back for more. And why?Granny: Because we like it!
- After the dance scene, Flora and Fauna tell Fester that "I'll call once I'm alone". Funny enough given they're conjoined twins... but then their ride to the insane asylum shows up, and they're last seen waving goodbye as the straitjacket is put on.
- Wednesday. Nothing can stop her deadpan - and sometimes deadly - response to the smugness and faux happiness that surrounds her.
Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they Made from Real Girl Scouts?
- At one point, Grandmama is seen apparently cross referencing The Joy of Cooking with Gray's Anatomy.
- And later, once Gordon had more fully-integrated with the family, he and Pugsley prank her by putting a skeletal arm in her stew. "That's for company!"
- Gordon's first breakfast with the family
Wednesday (to Gordon):Could you pass the salt?
Morticia:What do we say?
Wednesday (after a contemplative pause): Now.
Morticia: Wednesday! Play with your food.
- Later on, while the family is eating Wednesday is quietly is eating her meal and Morticia corrects her table manners.
- Wednesday stalks by with a butcher knife, and Morticia stops her with a stern 'Is that for your brother?' Wednesday nods and submits to being disarmed, after which Morticia takes a slaughterhouse cleaver from a nearby rack, hands it to Wednesday and sends her on her way.
- Thing is desperately trying to use sign language to tell Gomez that Morticia is in danger, but Gomez is having a hard time understanding.
Gomez: Slow down! It's terrible when you stutter!
- When The Shrink claims that Gomez drove Fester away, he now is dealing with "the little black monster".
Gomez: "Pugsley?!"Psychologist: "Guilt."
Addams Family Values
- Wednesday has never heard of the Delivery Stork. And it doesn't sound too plausible to her.
[Lullaby Music is playing]
Girl in Waiting Room: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby, too.
[Music stops, dramatic zoom on Wednesday]
Wednesday: They had sex.
Hippie-Nanny: Children, as your new nanny, I know that we are all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
Wednesday: Prevent them? [lights a very large match]
Strict Nanny: All right children, I have had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question; where is that baby?
Wednesday: Which part?
Maid-Nanny: [with a hand puppet] Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
Wednesday: [pulls out a devil puppet] Hello Polly, I'll clean my room ... in exchange for your immortal soul. [devil puppet rubs hand together]
- The bit where Wednesday apparently breaks under the peer pressure of the camp and begins smiling.
Amanda Buckman: She's scaring me!
- Morticia's first line:
Morticia: Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby. [Beat] Right now.
- Morticia is reading The Cat in the Hat to her suddenly rosy-cheeked son Pubert. ("To think... a child of mine.") She skips a few pages ahead and discovers what is, to her, a Downer Ending:
Morticia: Oh no. He lives.
- Gomez telling Fester, "I hope one day you know the indescribable joy of having children... and of paying someone else to raise them."
- What about Raúl Juliá's phenomenally hammy performance at the police station. "Debbie! My brother's wife! The Temptress of WAIKIKI!"
"HAS THE PLANET GONE MAD?! My brother—passion's hostage! I seek justice! Denied! But I shall not submit! I shall conquer, I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [cut to grandma and the baby] I have seen horror! [cut to Lurch] I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul! [Morticia: "They're at camp"] I have seen all this, but until today, I had never seen... you!
- Lane gets in a couple moments, too. "Who are you?! What are you?! Who moved the rock?! [...] Just leave. Leave quietly, leave now. Don't make me call Ringling Brothers!"
- "Hook him, book him, cook him. Now!"
- Also, Gomez' phenomenally hammy breakdown after Fester refuses to see him; even when Fester finally escapes Debbie and comes home, Gomez is bed-ridden and delirious, wailing out Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. The two begin to reconcile, but Gomez makes his problem clear with this line;
"You belong to Debbie. You're Debbie's love-toy! YOU... ARE... MISTER DEBBIE!!!"
- After Fester and Debbie get married, Fester reminds her to throw the bouquet. Wednesday winds up catching it.
Joel: Now you have to get married.
Wednesday: It's not binding.
Addams Relative: Tramp.
Amanda's mother: And this little lady?
Morticia: Oh, Wednesday's at that very special age when she has only one thing on her mind.
Amanda's mother: Boys?
- The grown ups are crowding around Pubert and we get this lovely exchange:
Gomez: Look at him. He has my father's eyes.Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.
- More Too Kinky to Torture fun:
Gomez: On his command I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.
Morticia: Why wait?
- Debbie meeting the Addams for the first time:
Debbie: [admiring Gomez] Well isn't he the lady killer.
- This small exchange at the summer-camp when practicing Lifeguard techniques.
Amanda: I'll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.
- Another small exchange, when the two first meet:
Amanda: Why are you dressed like that?
Wednesday: Like what?
Amanda: Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?
- As well as the entire destruction of the Thanksgiving Day pageant.
- Uncle Fester's makeover, where he is given an orange pageboy and a white coat that has broad shoulders.
Fester: *To the moving men, proudly* I'm her husband!Debbie: *embarrassed* Fester!Fester: Gimme a kiss.Debbie: Gimme a twenty. *An off-screen crash in heard* WATCH IT! THAT'S A QUEEN! ANNE! CHANDELIER!
- While moving into their home, even Joan Cusack gets in on the fun:
- During archery practice at camp, Pugsley shoots his arrow directly upwards. Moments later a bald eagle falls out of the sky, pierced by the arrow:
Becky Martin-Granger: It's an American Bald Eagle!
Gary Granger: But aren't they extinct?
Wednesday: They are now.
- Fester admitting after Debbie's death that he sometimes thinks about how, late at night, Debbie would say "JESUS Fester! Go back to your room!"
- Morticia pleading with Debbie:
"You have enslaved him. You have placed Fester under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see him?"
Morticia: You have gone too far. You have married Fester. You have destroyed his spirit. You have taken him from us. All that I could forgive, but Debbie...Debbie *cue quizzical look on her face* What?Morticia: Pastels?Debbie: *outraged* GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
- Even better comes this exchange:
- Gomez's reaction when Grandmama says Baby Pubert might get dimples.
"Not in this house!"
- The whole exchange when Gradmama explains what might become of Baby Pubert.
Grandmama: He could become...a lawyer.Gomez: I WON'T LISTEN!Grandmama: An orthodontist.Morticia: Mama, please stop!Grandmama: PRESIDENT.*cue Morticia and Lurch facepalming and Gomez starting to cry*
- Cousin Itt bowling over Margaret Alford.
- Pugsley sings "Eat me!".
- After Debbie has tied up the family to electrocute them, she shows them her past through a slideshow, starting with her parents and her tenth birthday:
Debbie: What did they get me instead? MALIBU BARBIE!Gomez: The nightmare.Morticia: The nerve.Debbie: [Whilst showing a slide of young self looking outraged] That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was! I was a ballerina! Graceful! Delicate! They had to go. [Slide of the home in flames.]Debbie: [While showing a slide of a smiling doctor] My first husband: the heart surgeon. All day long: coronaries, transplants...Grandmama: What about your needs?Debbie: "Sorry about dinner, Deb: the Pope had a cold." [Shows a slide of the surgeon scared and cornered as a shadow of an ax looms above him.]Grandmama: An axe? That takes me back!
- "Sorry, Debbie, no Mercedes this year. We have to set an example. Oh, yeah?! SET THIS!
- The councillors leading everyone in singing "Kumbaya" at Wednesday and Pugsley... and Wednesday's utterly horrified reaction.
- This exchange:
- Mal: If you ever think about unloading this place, I might be able to help you out.
Gomez: Out of the question! These four acres have been in my family ever since Queen Isabella of Spain deeded it to my great ancestor, Alfonso the Enormous, for services rendered.
Mal: What services?
Gomez: ...Alfonso the Enormous. Do I have to draw you a diagram?
Addams Family Reunion
(Yes, funny moments exist for this movie.)
- Walter Adams (spelt with one "d"; a cock-up by the organizers has resulted in them being sent to the reunion of a completely unrelated family,) proves that he fully deserves to be a true Addams with his speech to his assembled clan: "For years, you people have been dragging me out to these family reunions, and I have only one thing to say, and I say it to all of you...(dramatic pause, audience prepares for something diabetically Glurgey) You make me sick, you're nothing but a bunch of lazy, worthless, freeloaders. I'm sick of listening to all of your sappy, kiss-up remarks. Why, I'd sooner shove a screaming walrus down my pants than spend another minute here with the entire lot of you." He carries on for a while, and finishes by saying that he'd like to see "[them] all, roasting, in the deepest. Pits. Of Hell." Gomez bursts into applause.
- One scene has Wednesday and Pugsley both in guillotines trying to decapitate themselves to avoid going to the planned family reunion. Morticia catches them and says "You won't be getting out of this that easy!"
- The guillotines are even marked with a "P" and "W" for each child.
- The scene where Lurch is just calmly floating on a black inner tube in the swimming pool while several children swim away and get out of the pool screaming their heads off, and he doesn't seem to notice.
1992 Animated Series
- The normally happy-go-lucky Gomez goes absolutely ballistic in the episode "Double O Honeymoon", when the villain Ian Thundermane and his cohorts keep flirting with Morticia, right in front of him at that. Morticia is VERY appreciative of Gomez's newfound beastial side.
- Another funny moment from this version came in the episode Happyester Fester. Uncle Fester is established as a genius inventor, but apparently he doesn't know how to spell his own name.
- Uncle Fester: (is signing a contract) How many L's in Fester?Norman Normanmeyer: As many as you want!
- From the same episode, Granny breaking out her volumes of The Art Of Channeling Mimes.
Granny: I can feel the mimes speaking through me!(''A little later when Gomez is offering to help Fester promote his new clothing brand)Fester: Oh don't worry about me. I'm enjoying Granny's mime act.
- During the Halloween Episode, the kids run into Cousin Itt and his girlfriend at the golf course. Itt explains he's there to show his girlfriend how he gets struck by lightning. One lightning bolt later, and Itt's girlfriend is all over him.
- The numerous Noodle Implement factors to the Addams Family traditional dances: here is a full list in episodic order:
- Fester, it's miles to the airport!
- On a Friday?
- No way Gomez, This isn't a Wedding!
- Nah, we did that last year!
- But Fester, You've never run for congress!
- Nah, She's (the mayor) too tall.
- No forget it Gomez, i just clipped my toenails.
- But Fester, It's not Broccoli Season.
- Come on Gomez, you can't do that without holding a corn dog.
- Nah, we're out of salad dressing.
- But you haven't bought a used car in years, Fester!
- But Fester, you haven't built a Picnic table in years!
- A second running gag in Gomez being utterly turned on whenever Morticia speaks in a foreign language and attempting to kiss her hand. He once couldn't decide between which hand to kiss, and he even did it with Fester once. Thankfully, Fester told him to knock it off.
Gomez: Fester! That was french-Fester: Knock it off!! Go to your wife!
- Norman Normanmeyer's song number "King Of the Polycotton Blues", a blues song about how much he wants to get rid of the Addams, with his son Junior pointing out why his different ideas wont work, because the Addams are Too Kinky to Torture.
Fester: I got your Thriller right here!
- Another great song number is "The Fester Way", where Uncle Fester sings about his approach to life. At one point he even dresses up as Michael Jackson.
- The "Festerman" episodes, which revolve around a comic book Uncle Fester has been trying to get published (with no success), and stars a superhero version of himself.
The New Addams Family
This incarnation has a lot of them, many of them provided by Uncle Fester.
- In "Morticia's Favorite Charity", Uncle Fester locks himself in his iron maiden before it is sent to an auction in a ploy to get it back after the auction. When he is revealed to be inside the iron maiden, the auctioneers bid for him. After his family rescues him, Fester says "Thanks a lot! I was this close to becoming the love toy of a psychotic 80-year-old!"
- One episode has Fester pretend to be a Humphrey Bogart-style noir detective while investigating who he assumes to be a male gold digger taking advantage of Morticia's cousin Melancholia. He even goes to the trouble of narrating events to himself!
- "Close Encounters of the Addams Kind" is funny from start to finish. For starters, the aliens Greg and Marsha are Laughably Evil because Greg is a Large Ham and both of them have a very awkward-sounding Evil Laugh. Another hilarious part is the ending, where the aliens solve their fuel problem by creating clones of Uncle Fester.
- "Addams Family in Court is yet another laugh fest. One is the Running Gag of Fester looking affectionately at Judge Debbie while a romantic theme plays, someone asking where he music is coming from and Fester apologizing while the music stops.
- Wednesday informs her brother Pugsley that she can't torture him anymore. Pugsley at first is happy about this, but quickly states that he is bored by this development.
- Lurch and Thing playing "Chopsticks".
- In "Cleopatra, Green of the Nile", a potion Uncle Fester drank leads him to speak in rhyme. This leads to some funny moments.
Wednesday: "You're talking funny, Uncle Fester"Fester: "Go find someone else to pester"Fester: "Instead of taking away my rhyme, you've just sent me back in time!"
- This conversation in "Death Visits the Addams Family"
Death: "I have come for you"Morticia: "Something about a shoe?"Death: "I have come for you!"Gomez: "Why are gum clouds blue? I don't know"