"Your acting skills are diminishing with age, Ms. Sarandon."
"I promise I will never die."
In one blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment during the dogfight between Team America and Korean aircraft, one of the shots of Spottswoode shows him strafing on his chair upside-down.
"I'm gonna cut off your fucking balls and shove them up your ass so that next time you shit, you'll shit on your balls!
Kim Jong-Il dumping Hans Blix into the shark tank: "How do you like that, you cock sucking motherfucker!? You want an inspection? Well inspect that you butt fucking piece of shit!". Right before that, there was Hans' "threat" to Kim Jong-Il.
Hans: I must be firm. Let me inspect all of your palace, or else!
Kim: Or else what?
Hans: Or else... we will be very, very angry with you, and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.
Puppet sex. That is all.
The Vomit scene. I can never make it through that scene without nearly suffocating from laughter.
Gary hopping aboard the flying limo for the first time:
Gary: A flying limo? Now I've seen everything.
Spottswoode: Have you ever seen a man eat his own head?
Spottswoode: Then you haven't see everything!
Special mention for the "Giant panthers" which are actually two normal sized, playful kittens. Not even angry kittens, just two normal kittens, padding about, made to look huge because the puppets are so small. Beats Night of the Lepus giant rabbits for the coveted "Least threatening giant monster animal" award.
I'm so ronery...
Spottswoode giving Gary a weapon to kill himself in case of capture... which turns out to be a hammer. A small one.
Spotswood: There's no-one else to stop Kim Jong-Il!
Gary: Let me go.
Spotswood: You? You're a butt-fucking quitter!
While the scene where The Team gets ambushed by North Koreans and terrorists from Durka-Durkastan is not exactly funny, this particular line had thist troper chuckling: "We have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.! Repeat, we have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.!"
Childish, but: "In an ideal future, we solve problems and dispose of dangerous people with words, not violence. That is the F.A.G. way! [...] They'll look back and say, 'Wow, way to go FAG. You really made the world a better place, didn't you FAG?'"
"Derka Derka, Mohammed Jihad." AKA the entire Arabic language.
Kim Jong-il getting fed up with his allies. "Okay, who brew up Panama Canal!?" [...] Goddamn it, how many times do I have to terr you? You don't use the WM Ds untir you see the signar. I have worked ten years on this pran. It is a very precise and a compricated pran. I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up. Now take the weapons where I tord you and wait for the fucking signar this time! Goodbye!".
"9/11 times a hundred? Oh my god, that would be..."
Spottswoode: We will disguise you as a terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East. If your acting is successful, you'll be able to get us all the information we need to stop this whole thing from happening. Of course, if you're not interested, there's the door.
Gary: All right, thanks. (walks out the door)
When Gary is having a Heroic BSOD after hearing about the destruction of the Panama Canal, the utterly serious mood is dashed with this priceless exchange:
Gary: You see?! All I do is hurt people!
Lisa: Gary, you didn't kill your brother! Those gorillas did!
"Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them." It's like Insane Troll Logic had a baby with tautology and let the baby smoke valium until it came up with the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said.
"There's no 'I' in 'Team America'!"
Yes there is.
When Mount Rushmore is on TV:
Sarah: Hey, that's here! (Joe stares at her in disbelief that she'd be so dense)