Funny / Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

  • "I'mma come at you like a spider monkey!"
  • "I don't know what to do with my hands..."
  • "98% of us will die at some point in our lives."
  • "Dear 8 lb, 6 oz, newborn infant Jesus..." The entire grace/dinner scene, for that matter.
  • I was high when I said that! That doesn't make any sense at all. You can be second, third, fourth... hell, you can even be fifth!"
  • "We form an alliance on the race track to win races, but today we're forming an alliance to talk to you about a very serious, important issue: packs of stray wild dogs that control most of the cities in North America. Remember, stray dogs are not your friend. However, if you see one, walk right up to it and lay down." "If it starts to sniff you, that's a good sign. If it begins to bite, you're in trouble, friend. Grab a pole."
  • "I piss excellence."
  • "But I ain't calling you 'Daddy'." "So what're you calling me?" "Alright, Professor Dickweed..."
  • "WHAT in tar-NATION?!?!"
  • "I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red then f**k you."
  • "Aw Nana, not my prison shank!"
  • "Sometimes, when it's late at night, I dress up like Donna Summers. I put on the skirt, and the four inch heels...I love it. [singing] Last chance, for romance, for love....."
  • "We go together like cocaine and waffles!" and "You wanna put jelly on a lady?"
  • This exchange in the bar:
    Jean Girard: Why did you stop ze jazz music? Was it unpleasant to you?
    Ricky Bobby: No one plays jazz here at The Pit Stop!
    Jean Girard: So zen why is ze song on ze jukebox?
    Bartender: We keep it on there for profilin' purposes!
  • This deleted scene when Ricky returns to the racetrack. We see him interact with at least three other drivers:
    • He first speaks to Greg Biffle, who asks him "You're not gonna be running around on pit road in your underwear again, are ya? Like Charlotte?"
    • Ricky then goes to Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s garage stall. This is what happens:
      Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: You still owe me that thirty bucks.
      Ricky Bobby: Oh, no, man. You said that was a gift.
      Dale Earnhardt, Jr.: You're a dirty liar!
    • Kasey Kahne tells Ricky, "I'm gonna wreck you today." Then adds, "Just kidding."
  • This scene, the look on their faces at the end is priceless!
  • How Ricky Bobby met his wife.
    (While seeing a random woman flashing him from the stands) "Oh god, please be eighteen."