Funny: Touhou

     Official Touhou Game 

  • From Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream:
    Chiyuri: Do as I say, if you value your life.
    Mima: No. ♥
    Chiyuri: ......... *sweatdrop*
  • Same cutscene, different player character:
    Chiyuri: You'd better do as I say, if you know what's good for you.
    Kotohime: Okay, I will! ♥
    Chiyuri: Couldn't you show a little resistance?
    • Pretty much everything about Kotohime, really. Especially most characters' reactions to her.
    Marisa: ...Princess?
  • In Shuusou Gyoku's Extra Stage, when VIVIT encounters Marisa, Marisa's first line is "Shoot and I'll move!"
    • Marisa reprises the line when encountered in Reimu's storyline of Imperishable Night.
      Marisa: Move and I'll shoot!
      Marisa: I messed up. I mean, "shoot and I'll move". In a flash.
  • And at the end, after VIVIT defeats Reimu:
    Reimu: Wow, you're strong...
    VIVIT: Well, will you listen to my request now?
    Reimu: Guess I've got no choice. ... what are you looking for?
    VIVIT: I have to find the "Holy Grail"! And I have to find it today.
    Reimu: ... what's that.
    VIVIT: You know, that special artifact that's said to have held the blood of the Christ after his crucifixion.
    Reimu: ... who's that?
    VIVIT: *sob sob sob*
  • Cirno in her first appearance:
    Cirno: I'll cryo-freeze you along with some English beef!
    • Cirno's infamous "Icicle Fall" pattern on Embodiment of Scarlet Devil's Easy difficulty. One of the very few spell cards to have a blatant blind spot...which is right in front of her. For this reason, some fans refer to it as "Icicle FAIL".
  • Reimu vs. Chen in Perfect Cherry Blossom:
    Chen: You can't leave once you wander in.
    Reimu: Is that so? By the way, I hear that Mayohiga's items bring you good fortune if you take them home.
    Chen: Yeah, that's true...
    Reimu: Then let the plundering begin!
    Chen: Uh... what!?
    • If the dialogue doesn't get you, Chen's face when she says the last line most likely will.
  • Same game, Sakuya vs. Alice:
    Alice: So, for what reason do you worry? About yourself.
    Sakuya: Because I'm carrying only three changes of clothes. For myself.
    Alice: Ah, good reason.
    Sakuya: That, and a spare set of knives too.
    Alice: Ah, I— KNIVES?!
  • Quite a few bits of dialogue from the Touhou series in general are really amusing. Like this one from Imperishable Night against Reimu:
    Alice: Why the stuttering? Just yell at her like you always do. Bitch, get out of the way! Like that.
    Marisa: No, don't! We'll be in for it if she gets mad!
  • From the same game, there's the choice between each branch, which really encapsulate Marisa's ("Go kick Eirin's ass! (Final A) / Blow up everything you can! (Final B)") and Youmu's ("Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final A) / Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final B)") personalities.
  • And again, Alice and Marisa, in Subterranean Animism:
    Marisa: Whew... This is so hot. So hot I could die!
    Alice: (Are the dolls okay?)
    Marisa: Yeah, but it's so hot I wouldn't be surprised if they burned up.
    Alice: (I think the dolls themselves will be fine, but it would be bad if the gunpowder inside caught fire.)
    Marisa: Why the hell did you stuff gunpowder in 'em?!
    • The entire MAlice scenario in SA was just one hilarious line after another.
      Satori: "Before that, let's search the house...." you think. I won't allow that. Please head to the courtyard immediately.
      Marisa: Damn!
  • Great Fairy Wars. Just about any conversation among the fairies:
    Cirno: Huh, all of you really are here.
    Luna: The three of us are as one!
    Sunny: Though a single arrow is broken easily, if you bundle three together...
    Star: You'll run out of arrows three times as fast! :D
  • This little show of, ehm, teamwork with Reimu and Yukari after beating Keine in Imperishable Night:
    Keine: Tell me, where are you trying to go anyway?
    Reimu: That way.
    Yukari: This way.
    Keine: ... If you're after the ones behind the abnormal moon, it's that way.
    Reimu: Hah, I was right.
    Yukari: Reimu, your finger is off from hers by 70 degrees.
    Reimu: But you're off by 110...
    • There's also the dialogue in the Youmu and Yuyuko scenario:
      Keine: There is nothing around here. Just move along already.
      Youmu: But honestly, we have no clue where we're headed.
      Keine: Are you wandering around without purpose?
      Yuyuko: No, no, Youmu. We're certainly heading in the right direction. All you need to do is follow me.
      Keine: What is your purpose?
      Youmu: To restore the corrupted moon.
      Yuyuko: No, no, Youmu.
      Youmu: Eh!?
      Yuyuko: It's a wonderful midnight snack tour across the land.
      Keine: You two are really suspicious. Even more suspicious than typical ghosts.
      Youmu: Wait, I can't just let you get away with saying that. Ghosts in general aren't suspicious.
      Yuyuko: No, no-
      Youmu: Shut up.
  • Marisa not quite getting it.
    Flandre: I've been in the basement. For about 495 years.
    Marisa: That's sweet, I only get weekends off.
  • Sanae's final battle in Touhou Hisoutensoku ends up with a timed Free-Fall Fight. The funny part is that her opponent is actually waving her arms fast once in a while, as if it would slow down the fall!
    • That's just her flying animation. Earth gods aren't very comfortable in the air.
    • Also the fact that up to this point, Sanae believed that she would end up fighting a Humongous Mecha, only to be disappointed when Suwako shows up, stating that the giant is just a useless doll made by the kappas to advertise her temple, causing Sanae to demand they fight out of sheer annoyance.
  • Most spell cards are named after historical events or items, or supernatural phenomena. Then you get some that are blatantly a Take That against a character the user doesn't like, such as Reimu's "Exorcism of the Newspaper Subscription Solicitors", which consists of a GIANT seal saying "No News Solicitations! (Thank You)"note , or Mamizou's "Pseudo-Exorcism of the Stupid Shrine Maiden", where she transforms into Reimu and spams her trademark homing bullets...while still having her tanuki tail!
  • Marisa after fighting and insulting Futatsuiwa:
    Mamizou: You...I shall have my revenge upon you! What is your name?
    Marisa: I'm Reimu Hakurei.
    Mamizou: Marisa Kirisame? I'll remember that.
    Marisa: Hey, go after Miko, not me!
    • Even better, it's a Call Back to Marisa's EX stage run in Embodiment of Scarlet Devil. Flandre asks Marisa her name, and then later reveals that she heard everything that happened upstairs earlier in the game when Marisa tries to lie.
      Flandre: Here I am.
      Marisa: And you are?
      Flandre: Before you ask someone else's name...
      Marisa: Oh, me? I'm Reimu Hakurei. A shrine maiden.
      Flandre: I am Flandre, Miss Marisa. (There's no way you could be a shrine maiden.)
      Marisa: And who are you? (Maybe I should have said nurse?)
  • For that matter, the entire Ten Desires extra stage fight is this: Mamizou uses some of the most... interesting danmaku you'll ever see. See for yourself.
  • Miko's third card, where she summons Futo and Tojiko over and over to attack you while not doing a single thing herself. The best part is that Futo and Tojiko will eventually start complaining about it (instead of boasting or threatening you).
  • Mamizou's last word in Hopeless Masquerade, since it has a lot of cartoony sound effects.
    • Her new spell card in version 1.30 has her turning whoever she is facing into various animals, with hilarious results.
  • In Miko's ending in Hopeless Masquerade, she manages to create a perfect Mask of Hope for Kokoro...which is a crude rendering of Miko's own face.
  • In Urban Legend in Limbo, during the final scenario, Reimu attempts to take the main antagonist, Sumireko, into protective custody. However, Sumireko misinterprets this as an attempt to kill her, so she attempts to self-destruct and destroy Gensokyo's barrier.
    Sumireko: Ah, what a beautiful death. What a worthwhile death.
    Reimu: It's not beautiful at all!
  • One from Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom that requires a bit of information from Mountain of Faith to really appreciate. Stage 1 of LoLK takes place in the Youkai Forest, which is at the base of Youkai Mountain, while Stage 2 takes place at the lake at the peak. In MoF, Reimu mentions that it's noon while she's flying through the Youkai Forest, and it is clearly night-time by the time she makes it to the lake, so it's a fairly substantial trip. Where this is gets hilarious is in Sanae's scenario, as she lives not far away from the lake. Meaning she took the long trek down the mountain, only to learn that the invaders she was looking for were right beside her starting point. It's no surprise she spends Stage 2 being a little grumpy.
    • There's also the fact that the Lunar Capital is being threatened by, of all things, fairies. Granted, these fairies were empowered by Junko, but it doesn't make this weakness any less weaksauce.

     Touhou Print Works and Media 

  • In Symposium of Post-Mysticism, Miko talks about how Futo used to be scared of Buddhist statues and responded by lighting them on fire.
    Miko: And then before we knew it, the fire spread to the temple. We definitely went overboard that time...
    Marisa: Uh, that isn't really what you'd call cowardice. (sweatdrop)
    Byakuren: Maybe I should turn everything to stone for fireproofing. And make the statues stone, too...
  • Makoto Hirasaka's Strange and Bright Nature Deity (from Touhou Sangetsusei) has number of funny moments that mainly involve the lifestyle of the three mischievous faeries (Sunny Milk, Luna Child, Star Sapphire):
    • Chapter 1 where the faeries infiltrate the Scarlet Devil Mansion and disguise themselves as maids. (In a later chapter, it turns out that Sakuya knows about this and tries to punish them for it.)
    • The 4th chapter's moment involves just two words: Stomach Cleaning.Explanation 
    • Chapters 13 & 14. The trio teams up with Cirno. Their prank on Reimu's place is especially fun.
    • Chapter 19. The three faeries try to scare Reimu.
      • "I didn't even do anything..."Explanation 
      • The badly made ''rokurokubi'' (Japanese long-neck ghost) that they use to try to scare Reimu...in broad daylight. Cue Reimu tossing the broom at Sunny Milk. Poor girl.
  • And then comes its sequel, Oriental Sacred Place:
    • Chapter 1. Reimu suggests that Marisa go up the mountain to see some cherry blossoms for hanami note .
      Marisa: (While shaking her head) What? Go flower-viewing with the Tengu? No thanks, I'd rather live... note 
      Reimu: I didn't ask you to drink with them.
      • Reimu is about to show Marisa inside the forest, as she realizes there's still some people going for flower-viewing but they discover it's the three mischievous faeries whom are drunk and snoring a bit too loud. Reimu's reaction: KICK!
      • Reimu's Imagine Bubble about the three faeries' home. Her image of Sunny Milk in particular sells it.
        Marisa: No, they aren't living up in the tree branches, but inside the tree itself.
        Reimu: How did you read my mind?!
    • Chapter 11. During the night of the harvest moon, the trio decides to swap Reimu's dumplings with Star Sapphire's poisonous mushroom-filled dumplings. It works, but they discover their stolen dumplings are filled with mud.
      Cirno: (half paralyzed) I'm gonna... kill them...
    • Chapter 12. During new year, the faeries seek help from other youkai to increase the number of visitors to the Hakurei Shrine. However at night...
      Reimu: Well the number of visitors certainly has increased, but...ARE THERE ANY HUMAN VISITORS?!
    • Chapter 15. In an incredibly rare occurrence, Patchouli visits the Hakurei Shrine.
      Patchouli: I was buried by an avalanche of books, and while I was facing such a terrible fate, SOMEONEnote  decided to steal books from me.
      Reimu: Stealing is a terrible habit after all.
  • In the Wild and Horned Hermit manga, there's quite a number of funny moments:
    • The discussion of Gensokyo's energy policy in the second chapter. Made even funnier when you remember how ZUN usually draws inspiration.
      Sanae: True nuclear fusion isn't meant to power hot springs. It's meant to be used to establish a self-sustaining energy source. Do you know where Gensokyo's energy comes from?
      Reimu: From getting your three square meals a day.
      Marisa: And booze.
      Sanae: =.=
    • When Kasen finds a gold nugget in the Hakurei Shrine, she's more shocked by the fact that it's there in the first place than the fact that vengeful spirits were swarming around it.
    • Sanae imagines a certain electric rat before Kasen reveals it is a raijuu.
    • When Reimu and Marisa hear rumors of a fortune god blessing a soba shop after visiting it, they get some ideas. Until...
      Marisa: (Happily) Maybe we can do a little kidnapping, ah...?
      Kasen swoops in behind her and moves a bit closer to her at the next panel.
      Marisa: (Nervously) ...or, you know, just make a nice invitation.
    • ANYTHING involving the nameless Kitsune who transforms into Marisa.
      • It all started when a Kitsune joins in one of Reimu's drinking parties while transforming herself into Marisa. However, she was caught red handed by Reimu after her hangover even after she transform into Marisa. Luckily for her she didn't get exorcise since all the Kitsune did was drink sake. After thanking her (Even covering her identity from the real Marisa by transforming into Sanae), she offers Reimu a way to increase her popularity. Sure enough as the next day Reimu's shrine was visited by a huge number of visitors but as days has pass, Reimu is completely drain from exaustion. Luckily Kasen found what's actually going on: the Kuda-gitsune ("tube-fox") note  and is pissed that Reimu seeks help from a youkai for her personal profit. Reimu confess to her and Marisa about the Kitsune but since she was completely tricked by her, Reimu gains nothing.
      • The Kitsune was shown quite pleased that she fooled Reimu. This is short-lived, as Reimu ties her up in the following chapter.
    • Chapter 11. Marisa seems to have a large cut on her hand in the forest. How? Marisa attempts to go to Kasen's place to steal some stuff (after her first visit from the previous chapter), but ends up getting lost...until she encounters Kasen's pet tiger and attempts to steal it due to its rare pelt.
      • "I don't think they're weak against psychological attacks." (Cue an image bubble of Kanako, Suwako & Suika) note 
    • Chapter 13. Never EVER piss off Reimu. One of the Yamawaro tells Reimu to get lost, since they're not bothering anyone when Reimu accuses them of being the culprits during their "survival war game". Sure, this is considered a Crowning Moment of Awesome, but another Yamawaro is shocked to see who her friend is talking to; thinking ("Did you really say that to the shrine maiden?") At the end of the chapter, despite the problem being resolved, Reimu is still pissed about them apologizing not to her but to the victims, and she decides to go to war with them.
      • In one of the omake chapters in REX magazines, one of Nitori's friends decides to join the Yamawaro...only for Reimu to beat her up (as she is still mad), converting her back to a kappa.
    • Chapter 14. The hobgoblin learns the meaning of fear after staying in Gensokyo for a few days.
    • In chapter 16, Kasen brought a special drinking box and tells them that it could heals their wounds. But just before she explains the side effects, Marisa snatches it and drinks it. Cue to this line:
      Marisa: (Lifts Reimu) Look, I can pick you up without breaking a sweat! (Reimu dive-kicks her)
      • The next day, everyone who drinks Kasen's special drinking box behaves like an oni. note 
    • Kasen happens upon Reimu and Byakuren about to have a duel. She starts loudly cheering for Reimu...before revealing that she bet against her.
      "Reimu always screws up when she gets cocky. There's no safer bet."
    • Chapter 20. Suika as one of the vendors during the festivals while reassuring Kasen that no one will recognize her. That is until Reimu comes in.
    Reimu: (about Suika while pointing at her horns) Look! As you can see she is an Oni. So there's no telling what she added to that sake.
    • Funny to say that Reimu gets drugged by accident in Chapter 16; hinting Kasen's true identity.
    • In chapter 21, Marisa wonders if there's anything special in the SDM's own version of the Setsubun festival note This consists of eating futomaki while facing east, which Sakuya flat out states is meaningless. Cue Marisa doing a Face Fault.
      • Before that, Kasen decides to visit Reimu, wrongly assume that she's in danger due to the smoke. But what she's actually cooking is beans for the Setsubun festival. Cue to Kasen's Oh Crap! moment as she even screams; confusing Reimu about it. Reimu even invites her to the festival which later at night, Komachi laughs out loud when Kasen tells her back at her place.
    • Chapter 22. Everyone thinks that the Kappa have seen and captured a manzairaku, a rare fish of good fortune, due to it's description, but it turns out to be a seal. The seal then starts playing with one of the kappa, causing another to whip out a light saber, just in case.
    • Chapter 23. When Reimu neglects her duties to do fortune-telling instead (to great success), Kasen has a solution: Dress herself in Reimu's shrine maiden outfit.
      • Before that, Reimu cheerfully declares the gods are real after a brief, passing meeting with a lesser god, despite having personally beaten the crap out of at least three bigger deities (Sanae, Kanako, and Suwako) and, y'know, being a shrine maiden. She then tells Kasen and Marisa that she decides to do fortune telling due to her powers. Cue to their reactions.
      Marisa: That hits you now?
      Kasen: (Sighs in grief) So what exactly have you been doing as a shrine maiden all this time?!
      • Reimu's success as a fortune teller is partly based on the fact she continuously drops hints to visit the Hakurei Shrine with all the subtlety of a brick to the face. Kasen is puzzled by Reimu's sheer greed despite the fact she is, technically, doing her actual job as a shrine maiden. Unfortunately this causes her to neglate her duty in the shrine due to her success in her part-time job. This causes Kasen to take action as above while the first thing Sanae see is laugh at her. note 
      • As a result, Reimu's temple becomes overrun by youkai, drastically reducing her popularity as a fortune teller. This causes Reimu to blame her for doing so but Kasen adds more insult to injury by showing her shrine being mark as a hangout gathering spot for youkai... including Seija Kijin, whom much of the Touhou cast hates her for being a prankster. Thoroughly upset, Reimu gets a wake-up call to her true purpose as the gathering got cancelled.
    • Chapter 25. Marisa, after witnessing one of Sanae's "shady sermons", wanders off, musing Reimu's moneymaking schemes would be both shadier and dumber, specifically imagining her selling air tubes. Cut to Kasen walking on Reimu preparing to do exactly that.
    • Chapter 27. How Reimu pays Kogasa Tatara for fixing her needles.
      • When asking if she can keep Reimu's used needles, Marisa brings up that they have a history, which is accompanied by a panel full of several Touhou bosses, all with bandages from being struck with needles.
  • The entire 4-koma manga of Inaba of the Moon & Inaba of the Earth. Here are some of the notable mentions in this manga:
    • Any scene where Eirin gives Reisen her punishment.
    • Eirin's happy medicide in the first chapter. The human villagers are shock of the hyperactive rabbit.
    • Dumpling rabbits.
    • Aya Shameimaru's method of writing an article :
      1) Take photos and interview the witnesses in the event.
      2) Write down the story in the article.
    • Cosplayer Kaguya.
    • Reisen and Tewi end up getting lost inside the Scarlet Devil Mansion during the party. Despite Tewi's Epic Fail way to get back and plays shadow puppet, they realize that they are not alone as they happens to stumble upon Flandre (Her shadow sillouette), who's very happy to see them; intending to play with them. Cue to them running for their lives.
    • When Eirin falls in sick, Kaguya comes in to take care of her. Hilarity Ensues
    • Any battle involving Kaguya and Mokou. Especially the time she visits Eientei upon returning back a lost bunny to them (courtesy from Tewi.)
    • Suwako appearance in Eientei. Reisen battles her but gets K.O easily since she's a goddess, Eirin intends to dissect for her frog legs while Kaguya intends to imprint her T-shirt for good luck by falling on top of Suwako.
    • Reisen's dream where Tewi, Eirin and Kaguya's personalities are completely reversed.
    • The shooting gallery booth at the Sanzu river where the targets shoots back at you.
      • Of course Komachi's not amuse to see Reisen, after she gets shot by the 'target' and about to head towards her.
    • Eirin's method in getting rid of Wriggle Nightbug's bug attacks.
    • Tewi's pillage mode. That is all.
    • Rabbit Kaguya.
      • When finding Kaguya, it turns out she got stuck in one of the bamboo's growing in the store room. The real reason why the bamboo grows too fast: Eirin use her shady drugs as fertilizer.
    • The appearance of the moon people Re Isen, Yorihime and Toyohime visiting Eientei.
      • The real reason why Yorihime joins along is because she's not too happy that Toyohime only gets to visit her.
      • Toyohime's quick food eating method.
      • Toyohime's attempt to take back one of the earth rabbits by hiding it inside her hat. Of course Yorihime's not to happy the second time she attempts to do this.
  • Forbidden Scrollery. :
    • Marisa thought that Reimu's shrine was on fire and want to save her. Turns out it was a false alarm and Marisa accidentally pours water onto her. After giving her the reason she did it for fun, Reimu is 'on fire'.
    • "DON'T TOUCH THOSE BOOKS!!"
    • The first re-enactment story told by Kosuzu who actors are acted by the Myorenji temple. However the ending was kinda sad as the Tanuki in the story dies while Mystia and Kyoraku were punishes as Toramaru puts a sign "This has no relation with the Myorenji Temple".
    • Remilia naming a Chupacabra 'Tupai'. Frankly to be speaking, the Chupachabra is afraid of her place.
    • Marisa and the listening hood. Let just say the way she wears it really does look like a common robber.
      • While Reimu is sick she even manage to stab directly onto Marisa's head using her stick and upon seeing it she assume she's under some weird religion.
      • Hell after discovering that the Marisa's white snake is actually a small dragon, Kosuzu just scold at the dragon for ruining her scroll rather than being afraid of it.
    • When Reimu is trying to catch a kitsune in a human school note  but it would seem that the Tanuki gives Reimu some trolling words :
      Sign: Not Scared Of Your Ofuda.
      Sign: Not Scared Of A Dazed Of Shrine Maiden.
      • Sure enough that Reimu is pissed of the words and intend to go all out... that is until Kosuzu happily, repairs the paper door while both just realize her the moment she starts cutting the words.
    • Akyuu warns Kosuzu about the youkai until Kosuzu says this :
      Kosuzu: But... But... Miss Reimu always hangs out with the youkai, right?
      • Cue to Akyuu sighs as she realize she knows while an image bubble of Reimu appears in shock of what she says. Thanks Mamizou note .
    • Once again the Running Gag that Reisen being punished by Eirin for not telling her about her 'super sonic cat statue' that is quite popular.
    • Kosuzu in her fortune-teller outfit. That is all.
      • When Reimu tells her she's going to burn the book. Cue to this line :
      Kosuzu: That's ok! You can burn it since it is not a Youmu book. (cue to Reimu, Marisa and Akyuu Facefault)
    • Kosuzu and Marisa's way in using the Ouija Board. When Kosuzu suggests to say it in English, Kosuzu chanting the 'Ouija' name while Marisa chant wordings that are not even English. Cue to Reimu who happens to enters her shop... after sensing an dark aura feeling again and punish both of them.
    • The very badly camouflage disguise by Mamizou when she infiltrate the Kappa's plantation.

     Fan Made Media Works and Others 
  • Every single manzai (Japanese stand up comedy) from Touhou M-1 Grand Prix. Currently in its 9th season as of 2015. Some of the notable funny comedy skits are:
    • 2nd season's & 7th season's PatchuMirinTeam
      • Their second season's Shout-Out to the game Parappa The Rapper.
      • Then seventh season's preliminaries include a hilarious skit about, among other things, people you do not wish to invite or to a person's deathbed)
    • 2nd season's Yakumo Chen (Ran Yakumo & Chen)
      • This is where the famous meme "Cheeeeeeen" comes from.
    • 5th's season's Shutter Girls Team (Aya Shameimaru & Hatate HimeKaidou
      • The quiz game show skit. Sakuya is not amused by this.
    • 6th's season's Binary Drop Team (Komachi Onozuka & Eiki Shiki)
      • In this skit, we learn why Komachi shouldn't be Shiki's backup during her concert debut.
      Shiki : (singing) I come to a stand still, to take a look~
      Komachi : Yamaxana~ Yamaxana~
      Both: (while Shiki strikes a pose) YAMAXANADU!!!
      Shiki : (music put to a stop) SHUT UP!!!!
    • 7th season's Bakusen Nyan Nyan Team (Seiga Kaku and Kasen Ibaraki)
      • Much like Binary Drop's skit, Seiga tends to do a concert, but without censoring the F word from both characters.