- In "Sympathy for the Devil", the boys enter John's lock-up to find two demons dead on the ground and a group of angels waiting in side.
Dean: [completely deadpan] Oh thank god, the angels are here.
- Minutes later, they find out that Dean is Michael's vessel.
Dean: How? Why, why me?
Zachariah: Because you're chosen! It's a great honor, Dean.
Dean: Oh, yeah. Yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
- Lucifer starts talking to his vessel:
Lucifer: I'm not your wife, Nick. I'm an angel.
Nick: An angel?
Lucifer: My name is Lucifer.
Nick: Sure. Naturally. Um...Could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
- In "Good God, Y'all!": Castiel announces his intentions to find God and disappears. A crippled, wheelchair-bound Bobby shouts after him, "When you find God, tell him to send legs!" And before that, when Dean snarkiliciously tells Cas that he heard God was on a tortilla in New Mexico. Cas responds, in all seriousness, "God is not on any flatbread."
- Castiel's adorably freaked-out expression when he goes with the prostitute in "Free To Be You And Me."
- And also:
Prostitute [screaming]: Bastard! Screw you, jerk! I'll kill you! [to Dean] Screw you, too! Ugh!
Dean [to Castiel]: What did you do!?
Castiel: I don't know. I just looked at her in the eyes and told her that it wasn't her fault that her father, Gene, ran off. [pause] It was because he hated his job at the post office.
- Cas: "This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here." Dean: "Dude, you full-on rebelled. Iniquity is one of the perks."
- "Last time you zapped me someplace, I didn't poop for a week."
- Cas is a terrible fake FBI agent.◊
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Angel. Yes, you read that right.
- "Just out of curiosity, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?"
Raphael: [trapped in a ring of holy fire] Castiel, I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you.
Castiel: Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch. [leaves]
Dean: [turns to leave, pauses] What he said.
- In "The End", talking to Dean on a mobile phone, he gets Dean's location and says he'll teleport right there. Dean points out he's in dire need of some sleep and says to come in four hours, and hangs up. Cut to Castiel standing on the side of the darkened highway, saying "I'll just... wait here then." And the shot stays on him, as he stands immobile, undoubtedly for the next four hours.
- What makes this even funnier is that at the end of the episode, after he saves Dean from Zachariah, he's still standing there.
- Paris Hilton as the Monster of the Week in "Fallen Idols".
- At the end of the episode, after they defeat the demon impersonating Hilton, they hear that the real Paris is now wanted by the police for the demon's actions.
- The look on Dean's face when they're told that the monster's taken Hilton's form.
Sam: ... What?
Girl 1: She looked really good though.
Dean: Wha... huh?
- Cas in "I Believe the Children Are Our Future," by virtue of Mood Whiplash, where he appears to give a bit of advice.
: Other cultures call this hybrid "Cambion" or "Katako." You know him as The Antichrist
. [sits down... right onto Dean's whoopie cushion. Cue 10 seconds of "noise"]
Cas: [completely serious] That wasn't me.
- Castiel being turned into an action figure.
- From "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester"
Bobby: (coming into the hotel room as Old!Dean makes a face) I see you met John McCain there.
Sam: Yeah. Either one of you want to tell me what happened?
Old!Dean: Bobby's an idiot! That's what happened!
Bobby: Hey, no one asked you to play.
Old!Dean: Right, I shoulda just let ya die!
Bobby: And for damn sure, no one asked you to lose!
Old!Dean and Bobby: SHUT UP, SAM!
- Sam's reaction to Dean's aged self.
Sam: You look like...
: The old chick in Titanic
, I know, shut up.
Old!Dean: There's an archangel down there waiting for me to drop the soap!
- Sam and Dean are going to check out the hotel room a missing old man frequently uses:
Sam: So what do you think is in there?
Dean: Wrinkly, gooey corpse.
(They break into the room to discover a man having a threesome)
Sam: Well, it's gooey.
- Dean's Happy Dance near the end, complete with heel click, and Bobby's one-word response:
- From "Changing Channels":The entire episode is amusing.To nail down some specific moments in order of their appearance:
- The Ear Worm-y opening credits.
- Sam's exasperation when the nurse keeps slapping him for no apparent reason, and then his dodging her swing when she shows up later.
- From the same segment of the episode, Sam has to operate on Dean, who's just been shot in the back.
- "NUTTO-KURAKA!" note
- And Dean's look of absolute horror after Sam fails a question (with the expected result) and then he notices he's in a similar setup.
- Genital Herpes Commercial. That is all.
- Jared Padalecki as Horatio Caine. That is all.
- Also, Sam as KITT, complete with the theme music playing in the background.
- "You might say I pulled it out of Sam's ass."
- The faux Cosplay!Winchesters in "The Real Ghostbusters," especially when they reveal that they're a gay couple.
- The Victim of the Week asks Chuck why Sam and Dean don't put their weapons on a bungee to keep them in hand. At the end, Dean (who had the fireplace poker knocked from his hand) says: "Maybe we should put these things on a bungee."
- Becky letting Sam down lightly. With violin music.
- Sam and Dean's reactions to the convention: These guys have fought demons, angels, ghosts, and any number of other creatures, but their expressions at the sight of the convention can only be described as "What the fuck?!"
- The episode "Abandon All Hope" certainly lives up to its name, but the demon Crowley lightens the mood. After calmly handing the Colt back to the boys, asking them to go shoot Lucifer, Sam tries shooting Crowley, which doesn't work, as Crowley never reloaded it, then Crowley casually mentions that he should probably give the boys more ammo. Not to mention Crowley's "HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY?! MORONS!"
- Castiel easing into slang.
- The stand-out moment in "Sam, Interrupted" has to be when, caught in the morgue by the nurse, Dean drops his pants, wiggles his hips and gleefully shouts "Pudding!" to help him and Sam avoid suspicion or punishment.
- Drugged!Sam ftw. "Boop!"
- "No, I'm not okay. I... am... awesome."
Dean: Did they give you something?
Sam: Oh, they gave me everything.
Dr. Fuller: Why don't you tell me how you're feeling, [Sam]?
Sam: (sigh) I'm fine. (scoff) I mean, okay, a little depressed, I guess.
Dr. Fuller: All right. Any idea why?
- The entire opening of "Swap Meat:
Kid!Sam: "Hello, Barkeep? I would like to purchase an alcohol!"
Kid!Sam: "Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you!"
- Castiel gets some cute ones at the beginning and end of "The Song Remains the Same."
Dean: So [Anna]'s gone all Glenn Close, huh? That's awesome.
Castiel: Who's Glenn Close?
: So, the plan to kill me, would it actually stop Satan
Dean: No! Sam, come on!
Castiel: ... No. She's... Glenn Close.
- Since Castiel no longer has the powers of Heaven at his disposal, Time Travel is very difficult for him to manage, as shown when he arrives back in 2010. Dean and Sam hurry to hold him up and we get this:
Dean: Son of a bitch, you made it!
Castiel: [looking at himself in surprise] I did... [looks around at Sam and Dean] I'm very surprised. [keels over]
- "I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT REFERENCE."
- The scene where Dean, Sam and Castiel meet a Cupid in "My Bloody Valentine." Particularly fascinating because that episode was quite hard to watch.
Sam: Dean, enough...
Sam: You just punched a cupid.
Dean: I punched a dick!
- Bonus points because this is the second time Dean has punched a celestial being and he still hasn't learned that it's only going to hurt him.
- How can you not mention that the Cupid was completely bucknaked during this entire scene? Apparently they always are, cause, like Cas said:
Castiel: They're not incontinent.
Dean: Is this a fight? Are we in a fight?
Castiel: This is... their handshake.
Dean: I don't like it.
Castiel: Nobody likes it.
- It's right around that moment where you can almost see Misha Collins breaking. His face kind of twitches and he's clearly seconds away from laughter. It's precious.
- Castiel taking one for the team and his clumsy attempt to apologize to the Cupid for hurting his feelings. If you recall an earlier scene where Castiel picks up a human heart without hesitation, it makes that scene even funnier.
Castiel: Uh... look... we didn't mean to, um... (look to Sam and Dean for help; they wave for him to go on) ... hurt your feelings.
Cupid: (whirls and crushes Castiel in a tight hug, crying) Love is more than just a word to me, you know? I love love. I love it. And if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right!
Castiel: (awkwardly patting his back) Yes... yes... of course. I, uh... I have no idea what you're saying.
- Later on, the trio is trying to figure out what to do:
Sam: So what, this entire town is just gonna eat, drink, and screw itself to death?
Castiel: [around a mouthful of hamburger] We should stop it.
Castiel: How did you stop the last horseman you met?
Dean: War got his mojo from this ring. And after we cut it off, he just tucked tail and ran. And everybody that was affected, it was like they woke up out of a dream. You think Famine's got a class ring, too?
Castiel: I know he does.
Dean: Well, okay. Let's track him down and get to chopping.
Castiel: Yeah. [eyes his empty fast food bad sadly]
Dean: What are you, the hamburglar?
Castiel: I've developed a taste for ground beef.
Dean: Well, have you even tried to stop it?
Castiel: I'm an angel; I can stop anytime I want.
- More on Cas's OOC hunger:
Castiel: [bites into a fresh burger] These make me very happy.
- Even though it comes right after a serious Nightmare Fuel scene and right before another, Cas and Dean's attempt to take out Famine has a funny moment in it.
Dean: You want to go over the plan again? [Cas doesn't reply, playing with the tinfoil from one of his burgers] Hey, happy meal. The plan?
Castiel: I take the knife, I go in, I cut off the ring hand of Famine, and I meet you back here in the parking lot.
: Well, that sounds foolproof. [Castiel disappears] [beat]
This is taking too long. [goes in after him]
- In "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid," half a dozen dead people rise from their graves, including Bobby's late wife. Sam is tracking down the people who came back, the last being Ezra Jones. He finds her bedridden and looking like her skin is coming off. She's unintelligible, coughing constantly, and gesturing for him to come over. It's a tense moment, but Sam's comments make it hilarious.
Ezra: [coughs] [beckons him over]
Sam: Any way you could tell me from here?
Ezra: [coughs harder] [beckons more insistently]
- "Dark Side of the Moon": Zachariah to Dean and Sam: "Wow. Running from angels. On foot. In Heaven. With-out-of-the-box thinking like that, I'm surprised you boys haven't stopped the Apocalypse already."
- Zachariah had a few in this one, from calling Mary a MILF to retorting to Dean's calling him bald with "in heaven I have six wings and four faces, one of which is a LION".
- When the boys are about to make their run to the Garden.
- From "99 Problems": "It's funnier in Enochian" and the matter-of-fact way that Cas says "Sam, of course, is an abomination."
- Boomerang funny kicks in when you realize that the joke still is funny - you're basically telling someone that they got naughty with a goat.
- Sam reaching Cas' voicemail:
Voicemail Woman: You've reached the voicemail of: [beep]
Cas: I don't understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
- Even better, after that, you can hear the phone repeatedly beeping, like Cas is just mashing buttons trying to get it to work.
- If we're talking "99 Problems"!
Cas: Got your message. It was long, your message. Y'know, I find the sound of your voice... grating.
Sam: What's wrong with you? Are you... drunk?
Cas: No! (stumbles) Yes.
Sam: ... what the hell happened to you?
Cas: (sighing) I found a liquor store.
Cas: And I drank it. Why'd you call me?
- And later when he (still very drunk) goes to get the priest.
Cas: (almost falling over) I am an angel of the Lord.
Priest: ... sure you are, buddy.
- And related to the above:
Dean: Where the hell have you been?
Cas: On a bender.
Dean: (to Sam) ... Did he just say bender?
- Drunk!Cas barely has an unfunny line in that episode. Witness:
Sam: Lia is not a real prophet.
Dean: Well, what is she exactly?
Cas: The Whore.
- The otherwise extremely unfunny "Point of No Return" had these jaw-dropping gems, which were hilarious purely for their inappropriateness:
Castiel: Maybe [the angels] are desperate. Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.
Dean: [annoyed] All right, you know what? Blow me, Cas.
Dean: [as Castiel watches him fixedly] Well, Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid. [winks]
- At the end of "Hammer of the Gods," Gabriel leaves a message for Sam and Dean to watch after his death... in the form of a pornographic film. After informing the boys about a few things, Gaberiel tells Dean that he was right; Gabriel was afraid to stand up to Lucifer. Ultimately culminating in the wonderful line, "This is me standing up. And this... is me lying down." And the porno resumes. With Gabriel still in the shot. Sam and Dean are incredibly Squicked out.
- Although Dean KEEPS WATCHING until Sam closes the laptop.
- Earlier in the same episode, even before Gabriel gets his Crowning Moment of Awesome for breaking "Lucy"'s Smug Snake facade, he gets one of the best lines of a non-Castiel angel in saying "Lucifer, you're my brother, and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks."
- The moment Gabriel walked into the room earlier in the episode, the other gods calling him Loki and saying in his usual devil-may-care manner, "We need to talk about the elephant in the room. *Ganesh starts to stand up angrily* Not you, big guy."
- Just before that, who could forget Gabriel's entrance? "Can't we all just get along?"
- On the topic of Gabriel's entrances: "Lucy! I'm home!"
- Gabriel doesn't want the Winchesters to out him as an angel to the other gods at the party.
Gabriel: I can just cut out your tongues so you can't tell anyone.
Dean: We could still write.
Gabriel: So I could cut off your hands.
- It becomes even funnier when you think about how Gabriel still could've gotten away with this. If they don't have tongues, not like they can tell them who cut off their hands. Looks like Dean out-tricked the Trickster.
- "The Devil You Know," anyone? Crowley suddenly appearing in the back of the Impala. Sam trying to shiv Crowley repeatedly. Crowley complaining to Sam and Dean: "THEY ATE MY TAILOR!" and "Here I am standin' in the middle of the road, talkin' to Sam and Dean Winchester UNDER A FRIGGIN' SPOTLIGHT!" And proceeds to telekinetically shoot out a streetlight.
Dean: You're back?
Crowley: I'm invested. [Hellhound growls] Stay!
Dean: You can control them?!
: Not that one. [pats his Hellhound which is roughly five feet tall] I brought my own. Mine's bigger. Sic 'im, boy
- Crowley's innocent look at Dean like "What did I do?" after beating the demon's skull for awhile.
- Brady panicking during the hellhound attack and no one caring:
Brady: Damn it, get me out of here!
Sam & Dean: (in unison) Shut up!
- In "Two Minutes to Midnight" Crowley continues to entertain us when the boys learn that Bobby made a deal with him. He took a picture to prove than they kissed when they made the deal. Bobby is not pleased.
Bobby: Why'd you take a picture?
Crowley: Why'd you use tongue?
- He pulls about a half-dozen vanishing acts on Dean in the course of a minute. It's Hilariawsome.
- Even better: that really was Mark Sheppard's phone and he still has the picture, always making sure to transfer it when he gets a new phone.
- Before Crowley shows up there is this little exchange.
Dean: Please tell me you have good news.
Bobby: Chicago's about to wiped off the map.
- And Castiel makes a Big Damn Heroes entrance to save Sam & Dean from Pestilence:
Pestilence: How did you get here?!
Castiel [panting]: I took a bus.
Dean: Don't worry, Bobby's here, he'll wire you some cash.
Bobby: I will?
- Or how about Cas's apology to Dean for his doubts:
Castiel: You are not the burnt and broken shell of the man that I believed you to be.
Dean [flatly]: Thank you. [pause] I appreciate that.
Castiel [sincerely]: You're welcome.
- Dean winds up having pizza with Death. It's easy to miss with how terrified Dean is, but when Death instructs him to eat the pizza and asks him if it's good, there's a brief moment where Dean silently acknowledges that yeah, it is pretty good.
- Castiel calling the Archangel Michael (/his older brother) "assbutt".
Dean [in dismayed disbelief]: "Assbutt"?
[Castiel shrugs helplessly.]
- Castiel's last-episode discovery of Dean Winchester's favorite maneuver, the bald-faced lie.
Lucifer: (rhetorically) Castiel, did you just molotov my brother [Michael] with holy fire?
Castiel: (smiling awkwardly, knowing perfectly well that Lucifer saw the whole thing) Um... no?
- Earlier in the episode, Dean injecting his normal snark into a heartwarming moment.
Dean: It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown — well, overgrown — man.