- Karen: "I don't need nicotine patches, I smoke cigarettes."
- Harold tries to prevent the plot from advancing by doing nothing but sitting and watching TV... so the plot bursts through his wall and eats his television! The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You, indeed.
Dr. Hilbert: Meeting an insurance agent the day your policy runs out is coincidence. Getting a letter from the emperor saying he's visiting is plot. Having your apartment eaten by a wrecking ball... is something else entirely.
- Even more hilarious, when he turns on the television, it runs a number of nature documentaries that show animals dying in horrific ways. Harold desperately wants to change the channel...but can't because he promised himself that he wouldn't do anything. Not even reaching out to the toilet room (he just urinates into a bottle).
- Hilbert's commentary on this.
- Hilbert's quiz that he gives to Harold to determine what kind of story he's in.
Harold: What do these questions have to do with anything?
Dr. Hilbert: Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's monster, or a golem. Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Harold: (slowly) Yes. I am relieved to know I am not a golem.
Dr. Hilbert: Good. (*beat*) Do you have magical powers?
- Karen: (narrating) "Why was Harold talking to this man?... This man was an idiot." And Harold gives a sort of half-nod as if he agrees with his narrator.
- "He was elated and surprised by his somewhat flirtatious encounter with Miss Pascal. So elated that he exited the Transit Authority Bus a good twenty-seven blocks early and would now have to walk." Cue poor Harold turning back to try and board the bus again, to no avail.