Funny / Starship Promise

Orion's Route

• Early in Orion's third season, Atlas is adjusting to a planet's gravity and bouncing as he walks; his sprite bounces, too.
• In Orion's third season, after the crew have stolen a Union ship:
  Jaxon: We should be good for at least a week on this vessel.
  Nova: Two, if we're frugal.
  Jaxon: [looks sad] Please don't say the F word around me.
  • When the crew starts voicing their complaints about the ship (e.g. cramped bunks, scratchy bedsheets), Orion adds a couple points of his own.
  Orion: The bridge is set up all weird. [looks crestfallen] …And my chair isn't as comfy.
• From Orion's season 4, his apology to a certain character, in a Black Comedy way:
  Orion: I'm sorry.
  He clasps his hands together on the table.
  Orion: For shooting you.
  He swallows.
  Orion: Again.
• In Orion's seventh season, he and the heroine are dancing at a club when a moth alien lady tries to get Orion to dance with her instead. The heroine, taking his arm and flashing her wedding ring, declares:
  MC: We come together or not at all.
  MC: (Wait.)
  • The moth lady is actually intrigued by the (accidental) suggestion, looking over the heroine, who stammers as she attempts to correct herself.
    MC: (Abort! Abort!)
    My brain skids to a halt as I try to figure out where I'd actually been going with that.
    Unfortunately, though I very much wish she weren't, the Moth lady is actually kind of…
    MC: (Hot. Why is she hot?!)
    MC: (I am a married woman!)
  • After Orion politely turns her down and leads them away, the heroine admits that she was both jealous and turned on. After reassuring each other's jealousy, Orion admits, "you are amazingly cute when you're jealous and horny."
• In season 7, Orion and the heroine head to a karaoke place while drunk. Looking through the song list, Orion is confused that they don't have any whalesong music, asking, "I don't get it. Where's the whales?" Looking for them produces:
  MC: I didn't see any! Are they a boy band, maybe?
  Orion: Nooo. The whale music. You know.
  Orion opens his mouth, letting out a crooning noise that pitches higher and lower.
  • After realizing what he means and giggling, she gently admonishes him:
    MC: I don't think you can sing to that.
    Orion: [frowning] I just did- Karaoke style!

Jaxon's Route

• When Jaxon wants to talk about the kiss he and the heroine shared (their first):
  MC: (How do I even begin to approach this though?)
  >Like a calm, totally rational adult.
  >Play it off like it's no big thing.
  >Act like you don't remember.
• In season 8, Jaxon's mom comments on recent events during a visit to the Silva homestead.
  Arya: I will never understand that Empire. A man retreats from his own government for 30 years, and suddenly when he returns, he and his heir have all the power in the world. If he were a mayor here, he'd be driven out of town with pitchforks.
  Jaxon: That's not a bad idea. Could you lend us one?
  Arya: Jaxon. If you intend to go after the Emperor with a pitchfork, I'm locking you in your room and never letting you leave.
• A premium scene in Jaxon's eighth season has Jaxon and the heroine acting out a fantasy wedding in the lounge of the Promise, complete with makeshift props. Then Atlas unexpectedly walks in:
  Just then, the door to the lounge opens, and on the other side we see Atlas getting a full view of us, grinning and waving at him like idiots. Me with a tablecloth tied to my head and a dozen straws in my hands.
  With a hiss, the door closes again without a single word from our pilot.
  Jaxon: This probably isn't the weirdest thing he's caught us doing, to be perfectly honest.

Nova's Route

Antares's Route

• In his third season, after presenting the player character with an official Empire uniform, Antares offers her his visor to try on with it. Taking the opportunity leads to the protagonist playfully roasting Antares with her best imitation of him, repeating various things he's said to her over the course of the previous seasons. Antares can't seem to decide whether he's annoyed or amused - especially when she accurately predicts what he's about to say before he can actually say it.
  Protagonist: You're very predictable.
  Antares: I'm consistent. There's a difference.
• Early in his sixth season, discussing how to fight the smoke aliens:
  MC: We just lost the best advantage we had over it.
  Antares: We didn't, actually. Our greatest advantage is one the evil force can never take from us.
  MC: ...The Power of Love?
  Antares sputters on a sip of wine he'd been drinking.
• The heroine invents a projectile weapon for obtaining a new sample of the smoke alien's genetic material. She names it the Smokey Pokey.
  The look that crosses [Antares'] face seems close to physical pain.
  MC: You get it, right? Because it pokes the—
  Antares: —the smoke, yes.
• In a premium scene in season eight, Antares attempts to teach the heroine how to use a beam saber. She has severe misgivings about having a weapon with that much potential for damage in her hands, and those misgivings are very quickly proven well-founded the moment Antares instructs her to turn on the saber he's given her:
  My thumb hovers over the heavy switch, only for Antares to abruptly cut in and tilt the end of the hilt much further away from me.
  Antares: Let me rephrase that. Turn it on away from your face, please.

Atlas's Route

• Pick an episode from Atlas's first season, honestly.
  • After the first night the protagonist spends on board the Promise, Jaxon is dismayed to learn that she slept on the couch in the lounge. Conveniently ignoring the suggestion that he could've let her have his bunk, Jaxon instead scolds Atlas for his heartlessness until the pilot snarks back:
    Atlas: You're right, I'm sorry. Everyone who has ever saved my life is now welcome to my bed. Orion, you can be the big spoon.
  • In the midst of rescuing the protagonist from Evander's ship, Jaxon does not miss the opportunity to make sure she knows how unusual it is for Atlas to be taking such an active role:
    Jaxon: Generally Atlas stays on board. And by generally, I mean always. ... And by always, I mean he never leaves the—
    Orion: Jaxon, stow it.
  • Jaxon unsubtly fishes for confirmation of whether or not the protagonist might be developing feelings for anyone on the Promise. The protagonist immediately thinks of Atlas, and Hilarity Ensues:
    Nova: Your heart rate seems to have accelerated. I've sensed a similar physiological response when you've been in proximity to Atlas.
    Jaxon: Atlas? Our Atlas? That Atlas?
    Nova: I've noticed no similar response when [protagonist] is in close proximity to you, Jaxon.
    • In the same conversation, the protagonist describes Atlas as like a cat. "A grumpy, mildly inebriated cat."
  • The protagonist and Atlas are trying to get through Eden-6's customs check without being identified as fugitives from the Union. When the officer asks the reason for their visit, one of the possible excuses the protagonist can give is that the two of them are eloping.
    Protagonist: Oh, we're just here to, um, get married.
    Atlas chokes on what I suspect is his own spit.
    Union Official: Married? Isn't he a little old for you?
    Atlas's choking intensifies.
    • Another option at the same point leads to the protagonist claiming that Atlas is her father. And the other option has her claiming they're missionaries and offering to talk about some space Jesus equivalent. The official firmly declines.
• In Atlas's third season, he suggests that the heroine share his bunk instead of continuing to sleep in the lounge. Unfortunately for both of them, she has some difficulty getting her head around the idea.
  I blink at him. My brain crashes like a faulty operating system.
  MC: The bed.
  Atlas: Yes.
  MC: The bed that is in your room?
  Atlas: Yes, that one.
  MC: Your bed?
  Atlas: I feel like we've established where the bed is and who it belongs to.
  MC: Right. Right, yeah. Your bed. In your room. That you sleep in. That I might also sleep in. At the same time. Simultaneously, some might say.
  Atlas: Some might say that, yeah.
• Also in Atlas's third season, Atlas turns up to keep the heroine company while she's working on Pearl in the lounge of the Promise. Taking the heart option leads to a sweet little romantic moment... which is interrupted by someone applauding after Atlas kisses her.
  Jaxon: Look at my babies. All grown up and canoodling over gadgetry like a bunch of lovestruck nerds.
  Atlas: [scowling] You have three seconds to get out of my sight before I forcibly eject you from this spacecraft.
  Jaxon complies, but his laughter echoes down the corridor as he leaves.
• Trying to infiltrate an Empire facility in season three, the Promise crew (in stolen Empire uniforms) are stopped by a couple of guards at the building's entrance and asked their business. The possible excuses the protagonist can offer are "routine inspection," "surprise inspection," and "We're here to play Constellations and Crusaders."
  MC: Our Constellations and Crusaders club meets here.
  Empire Guard: Constellations and Crusaders? Like that roleplaying game?
  MC: That's the one!
  Empire Guard: I didn't know we had one. I'd love to join.
• A few episodes later, with a few hours to kill before they reach their destination, the crew find themselves too keyed up to rest so they kill the time by actually playing a game of Constellations and Crusaders with Orion as "Galaxy Master."
  Jaxon: Now that Atlas is down for the count, it's my turn to enter the fray. I roll to seduce the enemy.
  Nova: Jaxon, you cannot seduce your way out of every skirmish.
  Jaxon: Watch me.

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