Funny / S.T.A.L.K.E.R.


  • Professor decides to go back for his rucksack. Stalker and Writer are worried he will get lost and die, but decide to press forward through the tunnel. They exit the tunnel and find Professor sitting on a rock, enjoying coffee and sandwiches.
  • The dry tunnel is not actually a dry tunnel.
  • When they enter a room with a phone inside, and Writer begins another one of his rants at Stalker, the phone begins to ring. After ignoring it for a while, the Writer finally picks it up, and after a moment of short silence, he replies "No, this isn't a clinic.", before hanging up. When he resumes his rant, he suddenly stops, and looks with Stalker and Professor at the phone again, realizing that the phone he just used is functional. Professor then decides to use it himself.
  • Before entering a dark creepy tunnel, and after losing to Stalker when deciding who should go first, the Writer asks Stalker to throw a bolt inside. The Stalker agrees, but, instead of a bolt, he throws a big rock in there.

Video Game

  • Crowning Moment of Funny: Plenty, if you speak Russian.
    • Much of the conversations around campfires will consist entirely of Stalkers taking turns telling jokes to each other, many of which are hilarious.
    • The A-Life system, asides from creating random and memorable encounters between entities of the zone, can also result in some rather strange and hilarious circumstances. Surviving stalkers will drag the bodies of the dead off to the side or into the brush, but on occasion the player can come across said bodies piled in the campfires scattered about the zone. Artificial Stupidity? Desperate measures for desperate times? Viking funeral? One guess is as good as any, though there's something to be said for arriving at a camp to find a favorite NPC being roasted like a pig by his surviving friends. Sometimes the result appears to be a fatal attempt to re-enact a certain scene from Blazing Saddles.
      • On the other hand, this can be very convenient if the NPC in the fire is someone who carries a unique weapon. Oh, you want Bes's silenced AK but don't want to cap him yourself? Come back in half an hour, he'll be medium rare over the fire pit in the scrapyard. You don't have to kill just have to wait for his friends to get hungry enough.
      • From a meta point of view, it gets even funnier. The aforementioned friends in fires is the result of a bug in the coding for the spawning system every time an area is loaded. Most of the time, Non Player Characters will simply spawn around a campfire. Sometimes, they'll spawn directly IN the fire, and take so much immediate damage from it that they die right then and there. If the developers caught it in playtesting, it was either too difficult or time-consuming to fix, or they simply felt it would be even more grim (and hilarious) to keep it in. Given that the same game engine and coding is used in the next two games, but bereft of this bug, it's likely the latter.
  • Occasionally, the AI will lose the squad-based tactics routines and you can wipe out entire squads by standing inside a building with a shotgun and killing them one at a time as they run in the door. Bodies can pile up just inside the doorway, and those remaining outside will immediately conclude that the best course of action is to run in like the last twenty guys did.
    • Similar hilarity will ensue if you find a couple of bandits or expendable Loners (if you're feeling cruel) inside a building and have a spare rifle grenade (or an RPG, if you're feeling extraordinarily wasteful). If you're very very lucky, not only will the men inside be killed (instead of relatively unharmed and pissed off at you) but one or two will be in hilarious positions, such as being partially glitched headfirst through a wall with his hindquarters hanging out.
      • Actually this can happen in any indoor area where explosives are involved. Running around in the CNPP at the end of Shadow of Chernobyl, you can kill three or four Monolith troops with a pair of grenades if the planets align properly. How? Kill one with the first grenade and possibly wound the others, then send the body and his gun flying at lethal speeds with the second blast. It's almost impossible to do intentionally, but if it does you've just managed to kill someone with a gun without firing it at them.
  • The PA announcements at the Freedom base in Clear Sky will occasionally be interrupted by arguments between the camp trader, Ashot, and the technician, Yar. Listen for yourselves.
  • Near the path to the good ending of Shadow of Chernobyl, when going through a Portal Network to attack the C-Consciousness, one of the portals inexplicably sends you all the way to Sidorovich's bunker on the other end of the zone before taking you back to the plant. He's just as confused as you are.
    Sidorovich: Marked One? What the HELL!?
    • He doesn't even sound all that shocked as much as he sounds annoyed that you showed up out of nowhere.
    • To make this even funnier (in a way), you can prime a grenade, and will throw it as you teleport into the bunker. And it will blow up right after he says the line. What the hell indeed.
  • After the team you form in Call of Pripyat all makes it to Pripyat and finds out Degtyarev works for the military (which prompts Zulu to leave,) all Strider has to say is "I don't give a rat's ass about who anyone works for." — in the same Creepy Monotone he says everything else in.
  • When you check out the first Stingray in Call of Pripyat it causes a bunch of monsters to spawn and run at you. But since there's a minefield between you and them, most of the monsters get blown up when they run at you. This may have been deliberate, considering how much of a pain it was to get through the minefield to the chopper in the first place.
  • Hawaiian is funny for being a living Mood Dissonance. In the middle of the Zone he's trying to create a jovial, tropical atmosphere in his store, yelling "Aloha" and insisting "it can be fun around here!"
  • The Zombie Stalkers utter inability to aim their weapons effectively can be funny at times, such as when one unloads an entire magazine at you from a few meters away and manages to miss you entirely, leaving the player as confused as they presumably are.