Funny / SportsCenter

This Is SportsCenter

The This Is SportsCenter ads created from the mid-90s onward are 15 or 30 seconds of sports-related parody, some bordering on comedic genius. They tend to feature ESPN reporters interacting with random athletes and sports mascots are often just seen casually about the place.
  • Any ad that featured boxing analyst and anchorman Charley Steiner. To wit:
    • The ad where ESPN tested their Y2K upgrades... which crashes everything, starting a mass riot throughout the headquarters (like showing Mark McGuire smashing a computer with a bat, the Rutgers Scarlet Knight stopping the UConn Husky from looting trophies, etc.) and ending with a shot of Charley - with warrior makeup, his tie on his head, and carrying an old-style lantern - screaming at the camera "FOLLOW ME! FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM!"
    • The ad spoofing blockbuster trades, with ESPN trading with TV show Melrose Place. ESPN gets Andrew Shue, who handles anchoring duties with skill (note: he played college soccer as his athletic creds)... and Melrose gets Charley, who gets cast as the new pool boy.
  • The ad where a rookie anchorman "flames out" during his first day on the job (spoofing rookie athletes who turn pro too soon).
  • The ad of the Manning family getting a tour of the office - with Peyton and Eli poking at each other the way bored brothers do. They stop when their old man Archie gives them a silent glare...
  • Any ad involving mascot abuse.
  • The ad spoofing rainouts - sprinklers go off above the anchormen, and stage crew cover their desk with a tarp.
  • Dan Patrick working late sees the power go off. He storms through an empty building down to the generator... where he asks bicyclist Lance Armstrong to keep pedaling on his bike to keep the generator running.
    • Danica Patrick having her race car towed from Dan Patrick's space. (Then again, the sign does say "Reserved for D. Patrick".)
  • Old-timers Day.
    • "Honus Wagner worked for peanuts. Literally worked for peanuts!"
  • Albert Pujols denying he's a machine... all the while giving the audience a Terminator POV.
    Pujols: Shut up.
  • Russian hockey player Alex Ovechkin is a spy leafing through ESPN's files.
  • The Oregon Ducks mascot getting tired working in his cubicle, turns and looks at the real ducks in a nearby pond, and sighs.
  • Arnold Palmer actually making an Arnold Palmer (iced tea and lemonade, for those who aren't aware) in the ESPN cafeteria. The best part: they Don't Explain the Joke.
  • Stephen King, longtime Boston Red Sox fan, gets in on the action. "No players with telekinetic powers" indeed...
  • Tim Lincecum trying to record a voicemail message, which ends in the most bizarre Strange Minds Think Alike moment in a commercial ever.
  • The Stanford Tree listening in as baseball player Jason Heyward explains how bats are made from trees in excruciating detail, with the mascot passing out at the end.
    • The network calls in the Captain of the Goodyear Blimp for a promotional chat, and the sportscasters are worried how the Captain got there. "Relax, I tied the blimp down to a tree," the Captain says... only for the Blimp to go lifting past the windows with that poor Stanford Tree dangling from the rope...
  • LaDanian Tomlinson having a hard time getting everyone's mail in the right cubicle, due to his ever-present visor in his football helmet.
  • Jay Harris thinking twice about getting on an elevator with the New Jersey Devils mascot.
    Jay: Going up?
    *Devil shakes head*
    *Jay steps out of elevator*
  • The Devils and Penguins mascots each messing with the office thermostat to their preferred preference, much to the annoyance of Chris McKendry.
  • John Anderson turning away coworkers to sit next to him in the cafeteria as he's saving it for Stu Scott. Until Maria Sharapova comes along.
  • World-famous mascot San Diego Chicken goes about the offices pulling pranks... and later takes off the mask revealing mild-mannered Pete Sampras.
  • Due to all the knee and ankle injuries around the headquarters (artificial turf has a reputation for increasing on-field injuries), SportsCenter decides to switch to natural turf. Complete with sprinklers and lawn mower running in the background.
  • After saying the anchors were watching a lot of soccer and saying it seems to be leading to the rise of workplace injuries, we see Jay Harris talking with Abby Wambach. John Anderson walks by, barely nudges Harris, and goes down like he broke his ankle, complete with screaming, in a clear parody of soccer stars' tendency for flopping.
  • David Ortiz (Red Sox) makes the mistake of fixing Jorge Posada's (Yankees) hat by wearing it... just as Wally the Green Monster (also responsible for the teleprompter thing) walks by and thinks the worst.
  • Kenny Mayne and Dan Patrick having to tape the show for overseas markets. All together now: "Buenes noches, amigos. Me llamo Kenny Mayne."
    • Dan Patrick trying for his "perfect game" Sportscenter night only to force a double negative.
  • Bob Ley and Keith Olbermann interview basketball star-turned-Senator Bill Bradley about being a 'SportsCenter anchor. "I meant a large audience."
    • In a warning about sports reporters getting too close, they cut in on Dan Patrick interviewing Keith Olbermann...who's currently operating on (then Colts QB) Jim Harbaugh. "Aren't I supposed to be asleep?" "Eww!" *flatline* "Yeah, that'll happen."
  • So where does John Clayton deliver his NFL reports for Sportscenter? From his mancave bedroom, complete with blaring heavy metal. He also lives with his mother.
  • Baseball player Brian Wilson (Not to be confused with Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys) showing off his intimidation face. The sportscasters don't fear the beard... until Wilson unleashes his beard to full effect (in a huge Shout-Out to Beetlejuice.)
  • The photocopier does not like Landon Donovan
  • The new cafeteria chef at ESPN. Only Henrik Lundqvist (from the New York Rangers) can understand him.
  • In Chris Berman's only appearance in an ad, he explains how every show airing live can lead to anything happening, while (possibly faked) bloopers ranging from Dan Patrick just slamming his head on the desk to someone parachuting into the set.
  • John Anderson comments that Scott Van Pelt has been going on a streak of incredible shows, which shows a clip from a SportsCenter segment in which Van Pelt says "And A-Rod exhibits inordinate aptitude in spheriodical aviation!" Sadly, Anderson reveals that Van Pelt was using performance enhancers. We are shown "FEA"note  agents searching Van Pelt's cubicle and finding a thesaurus. He tries to flee and is tackled to the ground, shouting "UNHAND ME YOU RAPSCALLION!"
    • Another Scott Van Pelt classic is Jimmy Rollins and him going over tape of his previous shows, where he exhibits bizarre body movements and behaviors while giving the news. What sells it is that Van Pelt has absolutely no clue what's wrong with his delivery.
  • "The lox.......plunder the lox."
  • Metallica trying to find something to do after the retirement of Mariano Rivera.
  • Kenny Mayne starts to show fatigue one show and the producers are forced to bring in a closer.
    Kenny Mayne: Coming up, a "Did You Know".... about sports.
  • One ad had Richard Simmons showing up to condition the crew.
  • Another ad had Derek Jeter baffled that his razor was filled with green hair. He starts questioning people in the locker room, as the Phillie Phanatic (who has green fur) walks by in a towel. Jeter says "Hi", and continues to grill other people.
  • Steph Curry thinks the cafeteria chefs cook different types of curry to celebrate his big games. The reality: They have no clue who he is, but they assume he likes chicken.


  • During a 1995 edition, fill-in anchor Steve Levy is reading a story about New England Patriots cornerback Maurice Hurst suing the team for cutting him while injured (an NFL no-no) and he gets to the specific injury and says a term for an erection instead of a "bulging disc". Hilarity Ensues obviously, as Levy struggles to finish the segment (with no help whatsoever from Keith Olbermann).
  • On the February 14-15th, 2013, broadcast, one of the hosts was supposed to be going into a story about Chicago Bulls all-time great Michael Jordan. Even with a picture of Jordan on the screen, the host started talking about Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Michal Jordán.
  • The clip of anchor Charley Steiner's reaction to track star Carl Lewis butchering the National written by Francis Scott OFF-Key!
    • Steiner was a regular corpser. Other classics include Kerry Wood being fined for public urination (Steiner loses it at Wood's line to the cop: "I can't stop now, I have to finish!") and the Mitch Green lawsuit against Mike Tyson (when they got in a fight outside Harlem clothing store Dapper Dan...his copy include the word "haberdashery").