- JMS' Spider-Man
- Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane
- The Spectacular Spider-Man
- Superior Spider-Man
- Superman vs. the Amazing Spider-Man
- Ultimate Spider-Man
- In Amazing Spider-Man #1, in order to protect his secret identity, Spider-Man tells somebody to make a check out to his superhero name. When told he'll have a hard time cashing it, his exact words are "We'll just see about that." Cut to him waiting in line at the bank, in full costume, getting rejected by the teller for not having any ID in the name of Spider-Man.
- Amazing Spider-Man #19 has Jameson's priceless◊ reaction to hearing Spidey's back in action.
- And to top it all off, every employee in the Daily Bugle is relieved that Jameson finally stopped smiling and is back to his Jerkass ways.
- Amazing Spider-Man #23 has this exchange during a fight with the Green Goblin.
Green Goblin: Blast you! You talk so much, you get me all confused!
Spider-Man: How about that! I've got a new weapon I didn't even know about! My spider speech!
- Even though it was published during the Darker and Edgier Bronze Age of comic books, Amazing Spider-Man #130 still manages to present the utter hilarity that is the Spider-Mobile◊.
Johnny: Hold it! I SAID HOLD IT! You are not driving that thing until I give you a few pointers. I'm not going to be an accessory to mass murder!
- And when they take it out for a test run, Johnny Storm has to deal with Peter's truly awful driving skills. After Peter has practically trashed Park Avenue:
- Amazing Spider Man #140 has Spidey grilling Jameson for information about the Grizzly. After he's done, Spidey points out that Grizzly is after Jameson because Jameson ruined his career. When Jameson begins to insult him, Spidey breaks his cigar, tells Jameson he doesn't mind if the Grizzly beats him up and swings off into the night. Jameson's response is to rant and throw his shoe at him.
Jameson: YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU-YOU-YOU—! (He realizes that his shoe is now gone.) My shoe. Why did I throw my shoe? THAT'S A FIFTY DOLLAR PAIR OF SHOES! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT, SPIDER-MAN! I'LL-
- In an otherwise tense issue in which the Scorpion attempts to kill Spidey and Aunt May, Amazing Spider Man #146 has an absolutely hilarious ending:
Scorpion: (Dangling from the Chrysler building) I don't want to fall-don't let me fall-I'll do anything you ask!Spidey: Anything...?(Cut to Scorpion, Peter and May in the hospital, with Scorpion under arrest)Scorpion: -apologize for frightening you Mrs. Parker. It was a rotten thing to do, I'm sorry, and I want to forget I ever saw you. Any of you, and I hope I never see you again!Peter: It may not be exactly what Spider-Man had in mind, but I guess it'll do. Right, Aunt May?Aunt May: One moment, Peter. I've something to say to this gentleman. You should be ashamed of yourself, young man. I haven't a very high opinion of Spider-Man...but at least he has manners.Scorpion: Why, you old-
- Amazing Spider-Man #216, which centers around the NY Spring Marathon, has this Funny Background Event with two middle-aged New Yorkers as Spidey is swinging through the streets:
Harry: Ya signed up for WHAT?!Harry's Wife: The marathon, Harry.Harry: Ya spent thirty bucks onna new pair'a shoes for WHAT?!Harry's Wife: The marathon, Harry.Harry: Ya forty pounds overweight, ya live on chocolates an' jelly beans, ya so lazy ya take a cab to the corner mailbox and yer goin' WHERE?!Harry's Wife: The marathon, Harry.
- Amazing Spider Man #260 has the Hobgoblin and Spidey crash into the ladies' room at one point during their brawl. Realizing where they are, the subsequent dialogue is just wonderful.
Hobgoblin: I couldn't have chosen a more appropriate site for your death, Spider-Man! Keep struggling! That way I'll enjoy my eventual triumph all the more!Spidey: (sends Hobgoblin crashing into a stall) Sure, pal, happy to oblige!(Hobgoblin lands in such a way that it looks like he's sitting on the toilet)Hobgoblin: (furious) DON'T SAY A WORD! I know you're smirking beneath your mask!Spidey: Who, me? Perish forbid!
Hobgoblin: Oh, no! You'll pay for this indignity! This one, and all the others! YOU'LL PAY ONE THOUSANDFOLD!
- And then Spidey temporarily webs Hobgoblin's hand to the potty.
- The sheer hilarity that is Amazing Spider Man #266. First off, Spidey saves a depressed Mortimer Toynbee from jumping off a building. A few weeks later, Spidey is assisting the NYPD during a shootout between them and two crooks holding hostages. As Spidey fights the crooks, Morty, in full costume, leaps in to save the day.
Toad: (jumping over a very confused crowd) Stop! Harm one web on his head and you'll face the wrath of—THE TOAD!(He knocks out the second robber)Spidey: The Toad? What're you doing here? Weren't you one of the Evil Mutants?Toad: You...you don't know? You don't remember a few weeks back? On the ledge?Spidey: Ledge...wait! That was you?! Sorry...I didn't recognize you.Toad: I suppose you wouldn't. A few weeks of therapy and I'm a new man! I don't even need to go back for sessions anymore!Spidey: The doctors told you that?Toad: No, I told me that! They just said my progress was remarkable. Either way, I'm ready to accept your offer, Spider-Man.Spidey: (As a camera crew steps forward) —Offer—? Oh please, no, don't tell me...Toad: Yes, that's right! I'm going to be your new partner...friend!Spidey: (facepalming, having an internal monologue) I should've pushed him off, I should've pushed him off...(Cut to someone watching TV)Eugene Colorito: They're calling the Toad Spidey's new partner. They're calling him an incredible leaping wonder. Well, I call him a RIP-OFF! And I'm NOT taking it SITTING DOWN! This creep is gonna be sent packing, courtesy off...THE FABULOUS FROG-MAN!
Eugene: Viper! Spidey's harboring a viper in his bosom. And as long as he is, he'll need the help of Eugene Colorito—the fabulous Frog Man—! Huh?(He realizes a dog has just deposited its bodily waste on his shoe)Eugene: THANKS A LOT, DOG! THANKS A WHOLE LOT!
- Later in the day, Spidey attempts to persuade Toad that he doesn't need a sidekick, citing what happened with Black Cat as an example. Toad then asks him if Spidey couldn't try him in the Black Cat's place. Spidey then imagines Toad in Black Cat's furred catsuit, and immediately tries to banish the image from his mind.
- At night, Toad goes to a local bad-guy bar and grill in disguise to persuade 47 criminals to kill Spider-Man, so Toad can swoop in and save Spidey's hide. Then he meets Eugene for the first time, and tells him to go home, as it's a school night. As Toad walks away laughing...
Peter: (exiting his darkroom) Not too shabby. Even Joe Robertson'll like this pix. The man's one tough editor. Now if I could just solve my toad problem. Our meeting's in an hour, and I still don't know what to say. What can I say, except...(He switches the TV on)Kermit: (as Peter listens with a horrified look on his face) It's not easy being green, 'cause green's the-Peter: (Throwing pics away in rage) That's it. I'm heading up to the roof.
- The next morning, Peter tries to get the Toad and work off his mind by turning on the TV.
Frog-Man: This whole thing is a trap, set up by the Toad!Spidey: A trap? Are you sure?Frog-Man: (As two cars carrying armed gunmen screech to a halt) Yeah, I'm sure.Toad: (Leaping in) Don't worry, Spider-Man. I, the Toad, will save you from THE 47 DANGEROUS GUNMEN!Spidey: You mean 9, don't you? And even they are not in good shape.Toad: NINE? AND YOU'RE HUNGOVER?Drunken Gunman: (As his friends fail miserably to form a firing line, stand straight and aim their pistols properly) At least we're standing...
- Soon, it's time for the meeting, and Spidey is swinging off when he bumps into Frog-Man.
Gunman: Let 'em have it! There's only six of them!Another Gunman: You're seeing double, dimwit! And shoot quieter!Spidey: (Swinging away as all the shots go wild) You idiots! You'll hit each other before you hit me!
- Frog-Man and the Toad promptly start fighting as the gunmen open fire
Toad: (bouncing forward) Make your move, boy! I'm ready for anything!(Frog-Man ducks as Toad sails towards an exotic pets store)Toad: (quietly) Except that.(Toad crashes through the store window, and promptly releases several dozen frogs into the street)Toad: (Shaking his fist at a prancing Frog-Man as frogs croak around him) That hurt!
- Frog-Man sends Toad flying into a shop window by playing leapfrog
Frog-Man: C'mon, Toady. Let's go to the hop! (As Toad grabs him) Hey—! Leggo! I can't control my direction!Toad: Now isn't that just too-(The duo crash into another shop window)Spidey: AGAIN? What I'd give for the store window concession for this block. I'd make a mint! (spots gunman aiming at him) Uh-oh! Pug-ugly at 12 O'Clock, undoubtedly holding some lethal weapon. And no one to 'save' me. Whatever shall I do?(A croaking frog jumps onto the gunman's semiautomatic)Disgusted Gunman: Oh, ick! ICK! ICK! ICK! I—(gets punched by Spidey)Spidey: Thanks, frog.
- Toad eventually gets up and leaps back into the fray:
Toad: (Slipping on marbles, trying to punch Frog-Man) Stand still, you stupid sod!Frog-Man: (Also slipping and failing to hit Toad) You first, old man!Spidey: Now there's something you don't see every day. They're losing their marbles! At least things can't get worse!(A car with the other gunmen arrives)Gunman riding shotgun: We're not too late! There he is! Shoot! SHOOT!Oliver Osnick: (As one of his metal arms reveals itself) Have no fear...the Spectacular Spider-Kid is here!Spidey: (slapping his head) It's worse!
- With the gunman out, Spidey turns his attention back to the epic duel in a toy store window.
Spider-Kid: Come on, losers! Take your best shot!Frog-Man: Ready, Toad?Toad: Ready, Frog-Man and—(They both jump)Toad: One...Frog-Man: —Two!Toad: Thr-WHUMPF.Spider-Kid: (As the two collide) Hah, you missed—(Frog-Man and Toad land on him)—MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—
- Spider-Kid somehow flips the car over, then arrives to take on the other two:
Spidey: My responsibility ends here! And frankly, you three misfits deserve each other. ...Uh...wait...that's not to say that--Frog-Man: You know, Toad, you do have a lot of experience. Even if you do dumb things like set up ambushes just so Spidey thinks he needs you.Spider-Kid: Yeah, and then boast outside my window so I find out all about it!Frog-Man: And you've always had your natural power. I'm just starting out...Toad: Well, you've certainly got me beat on leaping height, Frog-Man. Why, if I could hone your fighting skills...Spidey: WHAT fighting skills? He couldn't even beat an EGG!Toad: (Addressing Spider-Kid) And these hydraulic arms? You make them yourself?Spider-Kid: You bet! You need a weapons maker for this team, I'm your man!Spidey: Team? WHAT TEAM?!Toad: (Raising a finger in the air) Gentlemen, Spider-Man is right. We deserve each other!Spider-Kid: A real super-team! I'm a charter member! And we'll call ourselves...Spidey: Curly, Larry and Moe? Guys, you can't be serious.Frog-Man: (As the trio walk away) Don't worry, Spider-Man! We won't steal your thunder...too often. Hey, guys! How about what Spidey called us for a team name!Toad: Misfits? That's appropriate.The Misfits: (jumping away together) TO THE MISFITS!Spidey: (exasperated) Great. Just great. I can think of more appropriate names, like—(a series of trademarked logos appears) THE ALL-WIENER SQUAD™. THE OY TEAM™. THE SPASTIC THREE™.
- Spidey's attempt to chew them all out somehow results in the formation of a new superhero team.
- A small one in a gritty story arc-Issue #285 of ASM has Hammerhead proposing that he become leader of all the gangs in NYC to The Rose. After he leaves, the Rose turns to his subordinates, and proceed to talk like gossiping teenagers:
The Rose: That man is stuck in an Edward G. Robinson film.Johnston: Absolutely.Varley: Yup.
- In ''Spectacular Spider-Man #256" Peter (currently in the middle of his "Identity Crisis" arc after being framed for murder) gets some relief in the form of his all-time most pathetic villain- White Rabbitnote . Add in Grizzly and Gibbon, two of the most pathetic wannabe superheroes as well and the issue is sheer cover-to-cover hilarity. The comedic highlight is probably when Peter, unable to reach any of his costumes note is forced to rescue the blundering twosome from White Rabbit while wearing a paper bag on his head:◊
White Rabbit: Who are you- the Unknown Comic?Peter: No- I'm the... um... the Bombastic Bag Man!
- Funny reference of a different kind: The Unknown Comic
- Spidey swinging up from behind a Mook with a jetpack and suddenly snatching the jetpack off him:
CRASHSpidey: Some people just won't listen.
- During a fight with the Scorpion, assisted by Black Cat, while powerless:
Spidey: (Sneaks up behind Scorpion and grabs his tail) (Thinking) I've got his tail! I've got his tail!Spidey: (Remembers he's powerless) (Thinking) Why have I got his tail?
- Though this takes place in one of She-Hulk's comics, Spidey's response◊ to why Jameson hates him so much.
- Lady Stilt-Man. Even Spidey can't stop laughing... And the way she is defeated is even more hilarious. Even before Deadpool shows up, this is one of the most hilarious issues of Spider-Man in years.
- In Avenging Spider-Man, Spidey and the Avengers are a bit of a ways away from NYC taking care of a giant robot attack, and Peter then finds out that none of his teammates are planning on going back to New York at the moment, leaving him in need of a ride. Then a game of "not it" happens to see who gets saddled with taking him home—and that who turns out to be none other than Red Hulk.
Spidey: Someday I'll learn how to fly the jet.Wolverine: We've heard that one before.
- 2003's "The Rules of the Game" arc is packed with them. A robot falling in love with Reed Richards, Rocket Racer smacking into a window in an attempt to make a cool entrance, Peter putting on a disguise and getting beaten up at a Bad-Guy Bar... but the best had to be Scorpion being tricked into into breaking his own leg. "If that was... then whose leg is... Oh."
- One issue of Spider-Man was called "Slyde Into Destiny". It features Spidey's unknown archfoe, an incredibly minor and deluded villain calling himself "Slyde".
Slyde: That's right, citizens of New Slyde City! You have all been Slyde'd! Slode? Slydomized?
- During Mike Wieringo's Spider-Man run, just after he super-evolved and just before the Civil War. Aunt May completely owns, humiliates and scares the living bejeebers out of Tony Stark, Reed Richards and Hank Pym. These three have faced down cosmic horrors from beyond time and space and one little old lady turns them into quivering messes.
- Aunt May has frightened J. Jonah Jameson so badly that JJJ has forbidden Peter from ever letting her phone him again. This is a (perfectly normal) man whose reaction to costumed killers tearing his office apart to murder him is one of irritation at how much this is going to cost, and one little old lady had him holding the phone two feet from his ear and cringing. Do not mess with Aunt May.
- During Civil War when Peter unmasks himself on live television, leading to Jameson falling out his chair in shock, was hilarious.
- Batman / Spider-Man, after Batman corrects Spidey's reference to The Road To Morocco:
Spider-Man: A-ha! I knew we had something in common besides our love of tights! You're into old movies too, huh?Batman: I was - when I was young.Spider-Man: Young? Somehow, I can't picture you ever being young! You must've been pretty cute, waddling around in your diapers, chasing the Joker across the playground!Batman: I was never 'cute'.
- In one occasion the FF had to Spot the Imposter between Spider-Man and the Chameleon. Ben solved it by throwing both of them down of the building, with poor Chameleon being recognized when he started screaming while Spidey just spun a web and flung himself away.
- Amazing Spider-Man's 231-232 two-parter "Hyde and Seek" is full of humorous moments, such as Spidey suspecting that danger's "right around the corner", only to find that Hyde has thrown an entire corner of a building at him. Or Spider-Man showing off the defeated Cobra to someone saying "Daddy, Daddy! Can I keep him?"
- Amazing Spider-Man #699, as Peter Parker, trapped in Dr. Octopus' body, attempts to figure out how Ock was able to swap bodies with him, starts to look through Ock's memories... and finds out he and Aunt May did the nasty!
Peter: [Mentally] NO! NOOOOO! [Vocally, as Doc Ock] ...Ahhhhhh!
- "Instincts bad.◊"
- Amazing Spider-man #600, as J. Jonah Jameson was officiating his father's marriage to May Parker and had just asked if anyone had any objections.
Anyone? This's your window. Right here. Take your time, I can wait.Junior.*sigh* Very well.
Jonah: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.Parker: Psst, J.J?Jonah: What?!Peter: Now that we're related...can I borrow fifty bucks?Jonah: (As his father and May kiss) PARKERRR!
- And after the vows are said and done:
- Whenever Peter’s Spider-Sense goes into overdrive, it becomes ridiculously thorough…
Truck: Huge machine of metal and death!Stapler: Pending impalement!Elevator: Might stall!Random Slob: Ate burritos for lunch!Peter: "Shut up spider sense! I can cling to walls; I’m not going to fall down the stairs!"
- All of "The Commuter Cometh" from Amazing #267. Poor Pete just goes through one sort of hilarious mishap after another, from being chased by a guard dog to getting kicked off riding off the top of a bus for not having any fare on him.
- While not a comic, the novel New Avengers: Breakout by Alisa Kwitney has a fantastic moment where Spider-Man gains entry to the Raft while the other members of the team are hunting down Electro. Going off a hunch, Spider-Man walks down a hallway in the Raft filled with imprisoned villains (including Doc Ock and Carnage) and bribes information out of them by offering them doughnuts. Doc Ock even begins tearing up when he hears they're from a coffee shop whose cinnamon rolls he adores.
- One incident had Peter returning to his apartment with fast food after a pretty rough fight (he was missing his gloves and web-shooters and had a mask lens broken. He mutters "Aw, crap" when he realizes Mary Jane is asleep. As he tries to sneak in, she speaks up, telling him that his excuse had better be Thanos again or don't bother telling her. Even worse when she says that if it's the Vulture, she's gonna punch him in the face.
- After the conclusion of Superior, Peter has to take over Parker Industries, so he tries to be a nice, fun boss. By showing up in a hawaiian shirt and encouraging everyone to have fun with work. His coworkers were used to Octavius!Peter, and are..rather shocked at his sudden personality change.
Is he bipolar?
- In the first issue since he came back, SHIELD wonders if its really the actual Spidey or still Ock. And then on his first day on the job, he ends fighting naked due to one of the villians powers to control fabric, having that posted all over Twitter. The reactions of everyone are amusing, knowing this is the Spidey they all know and love.
Spider-Woman: I'm convinced. That's Peter Parker.
Captain America: You're sure?
Spider-Woman: This could only happen to him.
- In the crossover between Amazing, Inhuman and All-New Captain America, Spidey tries to think of something inspirational to the Nuhumans. He thinks of Cap (whose "speech" is over the top freedom spiel), Mr. Fantastic (who's just smug that he's inventions can do anything and he's smarter than Spidey) and Cyclops (who is just shouting "JEAAAAAAAAAN!")
- Post-Secret Wars (2015), Peter is back in form. Driving through the streets in his new Spider-Mobile, with Mockingbird at his side, he tries to come up with a theme song. Mockingbird tells him to knock it off, but he turns on the Auto-Tune instead. Her response is golden:
Mockingbird: (in autotune) I have S.H.I.E.L.D. training and know 14 different ways to kill you right now.
Spider-Man: Spider Mobile, auto-tune off.
- After the day is saved, Mockingbird asks Peter about his Thou Shall Not Kill policy. He informs her that he knows now that he can't save everyone, but that he will save everyone he can. Everyone. She delights in mocking the seriousness (and clearly rehearsed nature) of his speech as she accompanies him back to Parker Industries.
- Spidey and Mockingbird make a great comedic duo. She's usually his straighman, but not always. For instance, after he ejects her from a Spider-Jet to go save Aunt May instead of helping with a SHIELD mission, he reveals he built special wings into her suit. When she shows up to help him out with the save, she states he'll hire her back with a huge raise, when Peter objects that he never fired her, her reply is "You did! Out of a plane!" And, of course, when the battle's done, Mockingbird makes the requisite joke:
Mockingbird: I flew all the way here. . . and boy are my arms tired.
Spidey: Hey! I make the jokes here.
Mockingbird: You shot me out of a plane.
Spidey: Fair enough.
- Later, when Peter finally introduces Aunt May to Bobbi Morse, May oh-so-subtly notes that Bobbi is very pretty, and not wearing a ring. Bobby deadpans that "I'm about due for another ex-husband."
- Hobie Brown is filling in for Peter, who is in a very public setting and cannot change into his webs, making horrible (and true to Spidey) puns about the zodiac theme of their assailants. One of Peter's business partners notes that Spidey's quips are terrible.
- Spider-Man daydreaming about saving JJJ and him kissing Spidey feet while thanking him in issue 246 of Amazing.
- Issue #2 hilariously averts the No Peripheral Vision trope when Spider-Man and Prowler sneak into the base of the Zodiac, and Aquarius spots them while they're crawling on the ceiling: "That's Spider-Man and some guy up there. You see that, right?"
- In issue # 3 Post Secret-Wars, the Human Torch, angry that Peter bought the Baxter Building, charges in. Spidey catches him in a plexiglass cage.◊ Not just any plexiglass cage. This◊ plexiglass cage.
- Torch comes in screaming for Parker. Spidey tells him to ixnay on the secret identity.
- In Amazing 534:
Editor's Note: What's Ben Grimm doing in this scene? For his part of this very same story told from his point of view, see Fantastic Four 539 ... because it's not what you think.Because yes, we do know what you're thinking.And really, you should be ashamed of yourself.
- In Civil War II: Amazing Spider-Man #1, Pete tries to catch some shuteye at the Baxter Building after a long flight. He finds out that Johnny Storm is sleeping in his bed in the worst possible way. Oh, and Johnny is naked.
- According to Ulysses, he also prefers to sleep in the buff when in New Atilan. Whenever he has a vision, Johnny will usually storm in naked.
The Newspaper Strip
- A lot of Peter's What an Idiot moments qualify as this. One crowning example was when he, Ant Man (Scott Lang), and a retired Hank Pym were shrunken down to gnat size, Ant Man's unshrink power was disabled, and all of their respective physical strength levels dropped with their height unlike regular Pym Particles. They are soon found by a giant (to them) spider. Spider-Man quickly dives at the creature, telling Lang and Pym that he'll be okay since he still has the proportionate strength of a spider. Hank Pym immediately points out that so does the spider... since it's a spider. Ans since it's larger, it has a lot more proportionate spider strength. Peter is very quickly restrained by the arachnid.
- In the grand conclusion of a relatively serious story arc which spanned several months, Spider-Man is preparing to capture the criminal when suddenly the hostage attempts to help by tossing a large rock at him, missing and knocking out Spider-Man instead. As the criminal attempts to take this oppertunity to escape, he trips over his own camera equipment and falls off a nearby cliff, bringing a somewhat serious story arc to a close with two instances of hilariously extreme incompetence.
- The (in)famous "FAPPO!" fan edits. Even funnier, unlike the edit where Spider-Man actively tries to attack the truck, in the original comic, Spider-Man just messes up his swing and slams head first into it.
- The entirety of the Iron Jonah story arc in which J. Jonah Jameson hijacks an old Iron Man armor, draws his mustache over the faceplate so people will know it's him and uses it to go after Spider-Man.
- The entire team-up with Rocket Raccoon in which Peter and Mary Jane have to convince people that the anthropomorphic raccoon is just their son in a costume, and ends with Rocket and Peter shoving Ronan the Accuser's unconscious body into Rocket's tiny space craft. The fact that Rocket's comments on Kree "entering hibernation" when they are deprived of breathable air the the subject of a LOT of Alternate Character Interpretation adds a whole new level of dark humor to said scene.
- The ending to the PS1 game, with all the game's villains playing Go Fish in prison.
- A lot of Spider-Man's one-liners in the game are hilarious to listen to.
- The cutscene before the level where Spider-Man has to chase Venom has Venom sneaking up in Spider-Man (Venom doesn't trigger the Spider-Sense)
Venom: Parker hates it when we get the drop on him...Jump Cut to Spider-ManSpider-Man: I hate it when he gets the drop on me!
- When What If? Mode is enabled during the "Chase Venom" level, the apartment building Spidey and Venom break into has been changed to a gym. The chase moves through the ladies locker room.
Woman: Hey, nice biceps. *giggles*Venom, sounding devious: Thank you.