Episode 3 "Legends": Spartacus taunts Gnaeus until he angrily charges. Spartacus sidesteps and Gnaeus runs head-first into a post and knocks himself out.
After Spartacus dismisses the symbol of Missio (mercy), and Varro attempts to smooth things over with Doctore, both are sent "to the pit" for punishment. Gilligan Cut to them in basically a garbage well, soaked up to their waists in filth, and someone dumping some more refuse in. Varro glares at Spartacus, Spartacus looks back a little sheepishly and says "Perhaps I spoke out of turn."
The exchange between Gnaeus and Crixus. Gnaeus briefly laughs when he discovers they are to face off and warns "I will fuck your corpse". Crixus jovially replies "With what cock?"; both of them resume laughing.
Episode 4 "The Thing in the Pit": The other slave (with "Fugitive on his head") being sent to pits alongside Spartacus belts out a ridiculously crass and hammy Badass Boast fit only this kind of show.
Fugitive: Im not dying in the pits. I'll show these fucking cunts my cock was forged in Vulcan's flames!I'll FUCK. THEM. ALL!! (Smash Cut to him getting smacked in the face with a hammer, followed a another beating that ends with his face getting cut off and worn as a trophy.)
Spartacus starts talking to Varro and his hallucination of Sura at the same time, making the conversation very confusing for Varro.
Episode 5: "Shadow Games": Gnaeus collapses from heat exhaustion.
Oenomaus: Listen to my instruction, and every man chosen will victory in the arena! (Gnaeus falls down) ...perhaps not every man.
When Pietros brings water, Oenomaus tells him to spare it for more worthy men. Cue Pietros walking away from a fainted Gnaeus.
Batiatus standing outside with arms stretch out, in his own words, praying for rain.
Rain, by Jupiters cock, would you fucking rain!?
Batiatus announcing that Spartacus and Crixus would be fighting Theokeles cues ominous looks from Oenomaus and Crixus. Spartacus, having no idea who that is, just looks over at Crixus and puts on a face that just says This Is Gonna Suck.
Then the scene cuts to an one armed old man being forced to "dance" on a table by the other gladiators, while Crixus exchanges a Death Glare with Spartacus from across the room.
Varro: I think you two make a fine couple.
Ilithyia's excited to hear about the upcoming match, namely in the prospect of seeing blood pour from Spartacus. Cue Smash Cut to Spartacus spilling Blood from the Mouth from a strike from Oenamaus.
Speaking of Oenomaus, Varro throws him into the scenario where he stops Spartacus from throwing the sword and it ends with him and Sura both dying. Spartacus then takes one look at a wandering Oenomaus.
And Spartacus refuses. Varro holds his head down probably thinking of his friend as an idiot.
Episode 7: "Great and Unfortunate Things": The slow motion image of Gnaeus falling over the ridge. A still image is even featured during the final end credits of the show.
Episode 8 "Mark of the Brotherhood": When the new recruits are ordered to undress, everyone's reaction to Segovax amounts to, "Holy shit, that guy's dick is huge." Varro says he's betting on "the one with the horse-cock". Even more Hilarious in Hindsight after Vengeance aired: Agron takes particular interest.
Batiatus: Patronage comes with unfortunate attachments.
Spartacus: (rattles chains) A fact I am well aware of.
Gods of the Arena
Episode 1 "Past Transgressions": Gannicus gets drunk and almost walks off the cliff...whilst singing "My Cock Rages On", of course
Episode 1 "Past Transgressions": Poor Diona and Naevia scurrying after Batiatus trying to finish dressing him whilst he struts about ranting, apparently oblivious to them.
Episode 3 "Paterfamilias": Batiatus begins making out with Gaia to celebrate their outwitting of Vettius, whilst Lucretia watches and pleasures herself. Suddenly, the curtain is dramatically pulled back to reveal Batiatus's dad. Cue everyone looking horrified (especially Lucretia) and scrambling to reclaim some dignity, while Titus is clearly already despairing over the state of his ludus.
Episode 1 "Fugitivus": Mira describes Agron as "An angry boy who barely pisses without splashing everyone about him."
In the supposedly abandoned ludus, Ilithyia makes a shocking discovery and screams in terror!
Marcus: (rushing into the hall) What has happened?
Glaber: (calmly heading in the direction of the scream) In matters concerning my wife the gods themselves fear to speculate.
Agron becomes rather snarky in this season, such as when Spartacus says he'll train his new recruits in the same manner he was trained.
Agron: And look how well that turned out.
Episode 7 "Sacramentum": Ashur's failure at intimidation:
Ashur: I would advise caution. These men are the hands of Praetor Gaius Claudius Glaber.
Gannicus: And what are you? His cock or his ass?
Episode 7 "Sacramentum": Although it's a serious moment, the scene in which Sedullus and the other rebels get into a fight has some comedic value, mostly because of Crixus. When Agron and Sedullus first start fighting, Crixus just watches them with a reaction between amusement and exasperation, clearly thinking 'The Germans are at it again'. Then, Naevia walks out, bloodied and tearful – Sedullus having tried to rape her – makes eye contact with Crixus and whispers Sedullus' name. You can literally see Crixus pause to put two-and-two together...and then he goes completely berserk. And then EVERYONE starts fighting each other.
Episode 8 "Balance": Mira walking in on Agron and Nasir trying to have sex while on guard duty. Not that she seems to mind. The best part of the scene is that after being caught, Agron and Nasir spend about 5 minutes going "Um..we were..uh" and generally looking like schoolchildren caught making out under the bleachers.
Episode 9 "Monsters": Oenemaus knocks Agron to the ground. Nasir laughs at him.
During the battle at the end of the episode.
Roman officer: "Praetor! The rebels are in retreat!" * Spartacus and Gannicus immediately appear out of nowhere and slaughter everybody (except the Praetor, who they take captive)*
Episode 10 "Wrath of the Gods": Glaber getting the mercenaries to turn on Ashur simply by offering them more money. Ashur pretty much goes, "Son of a-"
When the Romans try to interrogate one of the captured Germans, the man yells insults in German like, "Suck my dick!"
Over the years, Ilythia and Crixus have tried to kill Lucretia and her father-in-law tried to strangle her. They fail. Lucretia, ultimately, has to throw herself off a cliff to kill herself. The only person able to actually finish off Lucretia... is Lucretia herself, in a murder/suicide.
War of the Damned
Episode 1 "Enemies of Rome": Gannicus kicks a man out of his own tent so he and Saxa can have a four-way with two hot chicks. Later, when Spartacus orders him to give his battle report, Gannicus answers, "We fought, we won."
Sanus: (Saxa brings in the two women) Your woman brings gifts!
Saxa: (knocks him down) Gifts are not for you.
Episode 2 "Wolves At The Gate": Julius Caesar orders a slave girl to cut him in the thigh. He seems to get off on it. Tiberius walks in on them and is disturbed by this.
Episode 3 "Men of Honor": A drunk rebel runs around naked and boasts, "My cock is magic!" Disgusted, Crixus replies, "See it vanish from sight."
Episode 4 "Decimation": Agron has taken on the role of Spartacus's bodyguard, shadowing him everywhere. At one point, they enter a bar and are approached by topless women. The look on Agron's face as he pushes one away is priceless.
Episode 6 "Spoils of War": Combining heartfelt drama with humour.
Gannicus: I will cause distraction and gain needed time. Spartacus: By what means? Gannicus: I have no fucking idea.
Spartacus is nearby a huge wooden door with a burning rope holding it up. He sees the Romans charging at him, Caesar in the lead. With a smile, Spartacus rolls under the door just as the rope burns and breaks, dropping it down to cut him off from the Romans who literally run into it.
Caesar: Even the gods give aid to the fucking man!
Caesar, who is naked in his room with two practically-naked female bed slaves. Tiberius had previously asked if there was anything special he wanted served at the celebration of his victorious retaking of Sinuessa en Valle, and, after some hostile repartee, is about to leave in disgust. "Oh, and Tiberius? Oysters."
In Episode 8 "Separate Paths", Spartacus and Agron heed Kore's call for help and rush to her tent to find a woman in labor undressed and moaning on the floor. Spartacus instantly stares at the ceiling, and both men proceed to look profoundly uncomfortable until Kore calls for Agron's knife to cut the cord.
Episode 9 "The Dead and Dying": Kore leading Tiberius on, claiming that she might rescue him just to see him get his hopes up, and dashing them when she tells him she'll enjoy seeing him die.
Episode 9 opens with the standard slaughter of Roman troops, beginning with one man taking an arrow to the face. During the melee, repeated shots show Saxa, in the background, running up to attack — except by the time she arrives the slaughter is done.
Saxa: Time next, you carry bow. Too far from fucking blood.
Episode 9 "The Dead and the Dying": Tiberius, who has spent most of the episodes leading up this as an insufferable Smug Snake, struts into Pompey's tent to speak with him on behalf on his father...only to be greeted with Spartacus instead. His reaction is priceless.