Funny / Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Are you getting enough oxygen, citizen? No, I'm too busy laughing to catch my breath.

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  • Space Ghost's entire interview with Kevin Meaney in "Spanish Translation":
    Kevin Meaney: What is wrong with you?
    Zorak: Does my music frighten you?
    Kevin Meaney: Yes!
    • Seven words: Zorak And Moltar Sing Your Favorite Lullabies.
  • The ending of "Gilligan":
    Russell Johnson: I'd like to ask you a question.
    Space Ghost: Go ahead, earth boy.
    Russell Johnson: Are you related to Beavis, or Butt-Head?
    Space Ghost: You can't say "butt" on this program! (blasts him off the monitor)
  • From "Bobcat", after Moltar switches feeds, resulting in Space Ghost's monitor displaying an infinite video feedback loop of himself looking into the monitor:
    Space Ghost: Hey! It's me watching me watching me watching me watching me watching me!
    Moltar: Simpleton.
  • Space Ghost's increasing frustration in saying here's Johnny because moltar was too busy watching C Hi Ps to introduce Johnny Carson.
    Moltar: Mmmmm, barbequed shrimp.
  • From "Batmantis":
    Zorak: Holy stolen lava, Space Ghost! Moltar's been kidnapped!
    Space Ghost: Right you are, my little green friend. An evil ploy by Your Mother!
    Zorak: Your mother...
    Space Ghost: No, not my mom, someone else's mom. Someone's sick and deranged mom!
    Zorak: (beat) Oh.
  • The Christmas episode. Especially the 12 Days of Christmas.
    Space Ghost: That was pitiful!

  • In "President's Day Nightmare" (the World Premiere Tune-In special), Craig McCracken, who was there to promote the pilot episode of Powerpuff Girls, spends his entire interview mocking Space Ghost. The Council of Doom, who are acting as judges, give him a perfect 10 in every category as a result.
    • Space Ghost blew up Dian Parkinson before she even got to talk about her show.
    • "Blood is funny! Van is the winner!"
    • "Hello, My Name is Brak!"
  • In "Hungry", Zorak brings his nephew to work. And then eats him.
    • This beautiful exchange:
    Space Ghost: Zorak, where's your nephew?
    Zorak: Who? Oh, um, I devoured him.
    Space Ghost: That's barbaric! (Beat) Is there any left?
    Zorak: Lemme check. (looks off to the side) Nope.
    Space Ghost: I'm gonna miss that little guy.
    • Space Ghost making fun of how into Zorak keeps switching between calling himself a mantis & a locust.
    Zorak: "I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse! Think of me when you look-"
    Space Ghost: "Oh, now you're a locust again! Well silly me, I thought you were a mantis!"
    Zorak: "Uh, I am!"
    Space Ghost: "'I am the Lone Mantis of the Apocalypse!' Wait, better yet: "I am the Lone Fill-in-the-blank of the Apocalypse." How's about that, Zorak, leave enough room for you there, hmm?"
  • "Jerk" where Space Ghost wants to do an 'Emmy-worthy' award show... and "Ten seconds and it's already in the toilet" and it gets worse from there somehow.
    • After trying to start the live broadcast over in an attempt to salvage it, Space Ghost attempts to work around that by asking everyone to close their eyes. And yes, this includes the people watching.

  • "$20.01", after coming back from commercial:
    Space Ghost: (bitterly) I say it was a set-up. I bet you're ALL in on it.
    Moe 2000: We're back, Tad.
    • Space Ghost and Joel Hodgson trading barbs.
    Joel Hodgson: (...) I just might, um, you know, take your butt and wrap it around your neck and give you another pair of shoulders, that's what I'd do.
  • "Lovesick", where the cow appears at the very end.
    Cow: Hey, listen, buster! I've just about had all I can take of you! I don't need this, I'm a cow! I got things to do! Hey, can't you hear me through that hood? I guess not, since there's no earholes! Who ever heard of a fifteen minute talk show anyway? Come on, man! You lost the teens, those were the whole appeal of the show! Jan and Jace, they were it! The monkey, he was it! You? Nothin'! You bring in this bug, and this beekeeper! A beekeeper! And those crappy guests! Come on! Get some real celebrities! Burt Reynolds! Other super-heroes have secret identities! Not you! We know your name's Tad, nobody knows what your face looks like! Batman, Bruce Wayne! Superman, Clark Kent! Aquaman? Well, who gives a crap, anyway? Really! And this set! The planet's turning, it ain't turning. And what's with the cape? I mean, it serves no purpose! What, a cape's gonna look good in space? A cape's gonna look... like crap in space! There, okay? I said it! What, do you need a cape to host a talk show? I mean, really! And the bug! I mean, what's with the vest? It's red, it's blue, it's orange! Who can tell? Who cares? Nobody cares! I mean, give us all a break! You think it's cool to have no pupils just so you can look like Batman or something! No wonder Miss Nesbitt left you!
  • "Switcheroo": Susan Olsen doing her "Cindy Brady" lisp, and Zorak and Moltar's reaction:
    Susan Olsen: Theven thilver thwanth thwam thilently theaward.
    Zorak: Thacre bleu! I'm gonna be thick.
    Moltar: Theriouthly!
  • "Surprise":
    • Lokar Comically Missing the Point and taking the "party planning" too seriously. And his plan to humiliate Space Ghost, in a 50s motif? Pigtails and a poodle skirt!
    • Zorak's encounter with Mark McEwen.
    • The ending, when Space Ghost returns from the mail-room with "the envelope of goodness" ("It gives me the power to get twelve CDs for a penny!"), and seeing right through the Council of Doom hiding behind a set of drapes... drapes that weren't there before.
    Lokar: Oh, no, don't harm me! I am a tired old set of d-r-rapes.
    Space Ghost: But you don't match my desk. (blasts the "drapes")
    Council of Doom: Argh!
    Brak: My bottom's on fire! (beat) Roll the credits!
  • "Glen Campbell": Matt Groening likes any show that rhymes (Dennis the Menace, Magilla Gorilla, etc.). At one point he name drops a fake show (Tinkle & Dinkle the Ha-Ha Twins), and Space Ghost calls him on it:
    Space Ghost: There's no such show as Tinkle and Dinkle, Matthew!...... Is there?
  • "Jacksonville": Brak (and later, Lokar) telling Space Ghost they're pregnant, followed by a shocked reaction on Space Ghost.
    • Tansut cussing out Space Ghost:
    Tansut: You think you're so hot. I can twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly, I can...
    Space Ghost: (invisos in) I heard that!
    Tansut: I didn't say anything!
    • The "results of that trial" parody:
    Narrator: After the Jacksonville incident, Moltar was returned to his post as director of the show, given a spanking, and told never to escape again. Tansit was also swatted lightly across the fanny for his role in the Metallica debacle. Space Ghost resumed his duties as host of the popular animated talk show, and was later to be spotted that very evening with gal pal Tori Spelling. Upon Space Ghost's arrival, Passenger 12 choked on a 'Cracklin Tatah'. Witnesses quoted him as saying, "Man, there's a 'Cracklin Tatah' choked in ma throat." Zorak eventually led Metallica to the outer air lock, where members of the band were heard to say, "Shouldn't we put on a suit or something?" Metallica exploded in deep space. Mwa mwa mwa, mwaaaaa mwaaaa mwaaaaa... The story you have just heard is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy. Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa, and I say, "Down, Fluffy, down, or Fluffy get no din-din." Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner. Fluffy knows better than that. Cats are fun. I like them.
  • "Cookout": SG and the Council of Doom host a cooking competition. Zorak constantly reminds everyone that he wants the bones when hes done, one cook 'relaxes the chicken', another cook is blasted to smithereens because she won't cook for SG.
    • The same episode features a recurring joke of an ongoing argument between Moltar & Zorak:
    Moltar: Beefaroni.
    Zorak: Beefaghetti.
    Moltar: Beefaroni.
    Zorak: Beefaghetti.
    Moltar: BEEFARONI.
    Moltar: BEEFARONI!
    Moltar: BEEFARONI!!!
    Zorak: BEEFAGHETTI!!!
    Space Ghost: Fellas! Fellas! They're both so tasty!
    Moltar & Zorak: Shut up!
    Beat of awkward silence
    Space Ghost: WELL.
    • "You... killed the chicken."

  • "Gallagher": This exchange, where Space Ghost plays a trivia game with his guests (with both the losers and the winners getting blasted)
    Space Ghost: Zorak, this question is for you. (Zorak has an Oh, Crap! look on his face) I have a tattoo. Where is it, and what is it of?
    Zorak: Um—
    Space Ghost: WRONG! (blasts Zorak)
  • "Edelweiss": Mortar playing Space Ghost to the desk:
    Mortar: (singing flatly) This is the note called middle C, this is how it sounds to me.
    • Beck's hungry:
    Space Ghost: Taco?
    Beck: Oh, if you, if you have one, that would be nice.
    Space Ghost: Moltar, release the taco! (a taco is flung into Beck's hands)
    • Early in the episode, Space Ghost seemingly blasts Zorak to the point where he can't regenerate. Zorak does come back, of course, and decides to screw with Space Ghost by posing as a phantom. From there, he messes with the lights, screws with the monitor, and...messes with the lights, because he can't think of a third thing. And then the fuse blows.
  • "Zoltran" where Space Ghost attempts to interview Merril Markoe only to have her rip him a new one on EVERY SINGLE SILLY THING ABOUT THE SHOW!
    Merill: So where are you?
    SG: I'm right here.
    Zorak: No stupid she means 'in space'!
    Merill: Are like 500 miles away from Jupiter or on the moon or something?
    SG: Oh...I'm over here, Merrill.
    Merill: You don't know what you're talking about do you? (she says that numerous times)
    Zorak: * bursts into laughter*
  • "Boo Boo Kitty": "Living with you is like living in a living nightmare!"
  • "Sphinx": "You see, dames are like mustard. They taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich, they just sit there in the refrigerator... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard."
    • Mike Judge blasting Zorak, over & over.
    • Speaking of Mike Judge, being harassed to do repeated Beavis and Butt-Head phone messages for Zorak and Moltar in the cold open.
    Mike: (as Beavis) Moltar isn't home right now, fire fire, leave a message.
    • This bit.
    Mike: [In Hank Hills voice] That Space Ghost has a cute little patootie, I tell you what.
    • The post-credits stinger:
    Mike: Here's Mr. Anderson: "Boy I tell you h'what!" Here's Hank Hill: "Boy I tell you h'what!" ... it's a big difference.
  • "Pavement":
    Space Ghost: Guess who write tonight's show?
    Beat of silence
    Space Ghost: Come on! Guess!
    Zorak: (Exasperated sigh) Who write it?
    Space Ghost: (Cutting off Zorak) ME! I write it!
    Moltar: Here's your chocolate ice cream, my lord.
    Space Ghost: Thank you, stupid idiot!
    Moltar: Gaaaahhh!!... You're welcome.
    • Space Ghost's odd dialogue with George Clinton:
    George Clinton: You wear a 'hood? I, I live in a 'hood. You have a 'hood, yeah, but how would I wear a 'hood?
    Space Ghost: It's not hard. I take an entire neighborhood, put it on my head and dance around where the neighborhood used to be. The people who live in the neighborhood are terrified by my hopping, and some of them fall off my head and are trampled. It is then that the dance becomes a dance of sadness.
    George Clinton: Why are you tellin' me this?
    Space Ghost: Because I care about the innocent victims of my ill-advised dance of joy.
    George Clinton: Oh...
    Space Ghost: Fries don't come with that deadly shake.
  • From "Piledriver", we are introduced to Space Ghost's grandfather, Leonard Ghostal (voiced by special guest "Macho Man" Randy Savage):
    Zorak: Sounds like Randy Savage.
    Space Ghost: Well, it's not, Zorak, it's my granddad, okay? So you can just shut up about that, Zorak!
    • "Meanwhile, on the Planet of the Tiny Hut People..."
    Saucer Crab: Gozar of the Tiny Hut People! Now is the time of your weekly beating!
    Gozar: Is that you, Saucer Crab? (gets blasted by death rays)
    Saucer Crab: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! See you next Thursday!"
    • Zorak hitting Leonard with a chair, complete with over-the-top wrestling commentary from Moltar and a cheering crowd.
    • Saucer Crab showing up at the end of the episode to beat up Space Ghost, and Leonard Ghostal picking a fight with him. Then it turns out to have been an excuse to get away from Space Ghost's show, and the two fly off to go beat the crap out of Mary Hart.
  • "Suckup" dealt with Space Ghost trying to butter up as many big shot hosts as possible. It goes well with one, former host of Talk Soup Jon Henson, but he had a skunk spot and they try complimenting him on that.
    Zorak: It looks like a third eye!
    Space Ghost: ZORAK!
    Moltar: Hey, hey! Ix-nay on the third eyece.
    Zorak: I mean, I like's neat.
    Space Ghost: That's the nicest third eye I've ever seen!
    Henson: You like that, huh? Big with the chicks.
    • Even worse SG was doing well...until he asked if his tongue ever got sore. It just fell apart right there faster than a stack of cards in a hurricane.
  • "Dam" has some of the greatest timing in the show's run and is filled with many moments that are hard to put into words. Simpler moments to describe include the ending where Space Ghost is convinced by the voice on his self-help tape to blow up the Hoover Dam and his subsequent off-camera arrest.
  • "Boatshow":
    • Space Ghost's intro to Steve Allen:
    Space Ghost: Ladies and gentlemen, you've seen him, you know him, you love him, you go through a period where you don't love him so much, yet you don't want to hurt him, so you don't dare tell him of your feelings, so you marry him, you bear his children, and you live out the rest of your days suffering from his cold and silent indifference, say hello to Steve Allen!
    • "Wait a minute... Steve Allen? Andy Dick? They both have first names for last names! It's a theme show!"
    • "Down in the holler, amongst the filth and squalor, looks like a feud there's gonna be-" "THAT NUMBER'S BEEN CUT!"
    • After the final musical number, Space Ghost orders Andy Dick to dance.
    Andy Dick: ...A five, six, seven, eight. (tap dances) How much you want? I can go on all day.
    Space Ghost: Do it all day.
    Andy Dick: Yeah, I can do anything, I can shuffle off to Buffalo...
    Zorak: Why don't you shuffle off to Mars?
    Andy Dick: I can't, I can't shuffle off too far, though.
    Zorak: Wuss.
  • In the episode "Telethon", Space Ghost broadcasts a telethon with uninteresting special guests (And the Council of Doom operating the phone lines) to try to raise money to fund the production of the show. After a long period of broadcasting with no significant funds raised, Space Ghost decides to take matters into his own hands:
    Space Ghost: Council of Doom?
    The Council of Doom looks over at Space Ghost
    Space Ghost points his power bands at the Council of Doom threateningly.
    Space Ghost: GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.
    Lokar: No, I shan't give you a shekel.
    Black Widow: OH NOOOOO!
    Brak: Okay, here's my allowance!
    • Some of the phone number messages get more and more desperate as the episode goes on. It eventually gets to the point of "Do We Have to Threaten You?"
    • Space Ghost decides to cut to commercials.
    Zorak: Telethon don't have commercials!
    Space Ghost: And bugs don't talk, Zorak! {in Zorak's voice} So welcome to the asylum!
    Zorak is visibly taken aback.
    • This bit:
    Space Ghost: Argh! That's it! I've had it with you people! I do this Hindenburg of a talk show each week, and where does it get me? Humiliation City, population one. Listen up, TV land: if you don't give me all your money, I'm.. gonna... uh, shoot Brak!
    Brak: I didn't do anything bad! (sobs) I don't wanna be shot!
    Space Ghost: What am I doing?! Brak, I-I'm sorry.
    Brak: It's okay, Space Ghost.
    Space Ghost: It is?! Well then... (blasts Brak)
  • "Dimethylpyrimidinol Bisulfite": Zorak constantly trying to sell his product, an ointment, constantly cutting into Space Ghost's interviews.
    SG: Okay Zorak I'm sick of this so do your stupid little pitch and get it out of your system!
    Zorak: Oh... um it's good... it's good ointment.
    SG: ...Is that it?
    Zorak: It's good ointment... ah, here put some on your scalp!
    SG: No!
    Zorak: Okay... it's your loss.
    SG: SHUT UP!
    Zorak: ...But see look at my pincer * gets blasted*
    • The interview with Pat Boone gets off to an awkward start:
    Space Ghost: We need to lose the glasses, Pat.
    Pat Boone: (takes sunglasses off) Oh, well, that could be arranged. Did I shake you up a little bit?
    Space Ghost: No.
    (awkward pause...)
    Pat Boone: Listen, I am really delighted-
    Space Ghost: Pat, in 1955, you recorded the monster hit "April Love".
    • The Rappin' Space Goblin.

  • The episode "Joshua" demonstrates how a typical episode is made. The narrator explains that every joke is tested on a randomly-selected audience.
    Zorak: That's not my hand.... It's my pincer.
    Audience: (silence)
    Narrator: Oops, that line needs a little reworking.
    Zorak: That's not my hand.... It's my butt!
    Audience: (a single man laughs)
    Narrator: Looks like we've got a winner!
    • "MY BUTT!"
  • The entire episode "Lawsuit," starting with his old sidekicks Jan & Jace suing him and ending with their attorney dropping the case due to a conflict of interest, because Ted Turner is his father.
  • Many, many moments from "Terminal". The scene in which Space Ghost imagines having a son (or a "Little Space Ghost" named Roy Allen) is one of the funniest and most demented things ever put on television.
  • "Toast": Moltar tells Space Ghost how to woo Merrill Markoe. He tries it out, to disastrous results:
    Space Ghost: Hey woman, my dinner ready yet? No? Well then, go iron my jeans!
    Merrill: I think you're starting to offend me now.
    Space Ghost: This is how we men are, Merrill, so get used to it!
    • The Nested Story Reveal where we find out we were actually watching an episode of Talk Soup, complete with host John Henson.
  • In "Cahill", an upcoming storm's static electricity messes with the opening & in the madness Space Ghost teleports in front of Zorak's pod & yells "BABALOOOOO!" in a high pitched voice.
    • The ending where the storm turns out to be a fair all along, to the delight of the crew.
  • From "Rio Ghosto": Space Ghost's talking to his communicator, and Kevin Smith appears on the monitor.
    Kevin Smith: Hey, how are you, Ghost.
    Space Ghost: I'm on the phone, that's how!.... Rude. (moments later, when he's put on hold...) Where'd you get that sweater? It looks cheap. I hate it.
  • In "Pal Joey", when Space Ghost calmly walks up to Zorak and punches him in the face. Usually Space Ghost just blasts him, so it's hilarious to see him just sock him. Also, the Limited Animation of Ghost walking up to Zorak is just priceless in how bad it is (they just took a still frame of Space Ghost standing and bobbed it up and down).
    • In the same episode, Space Ghost's weird analogy to guest Michael Moore:
    Space Ghost: It's best not to make nice with Zorak. He'll eat you faster than a Swiss blacksmith at a corkboard convention.
  • "Curses":
    • The Cold Open, using old Space Ghost and Dino Boy footage. Space Ghost and Future Man keep trading taunts, with a dramatic sting playing every time they finish talking. The best part of their exchange:
    Space Ghost: That's a neat trick, Future Fool, but my frequency demodulator re-routed your cave creeps to the Victorian era, where they will be mocked from their ill-manners and crude mode of dress.
    (dramatic stings as the camera pans to Future Man)
    Future Man: That's unlucky. I suspect my future's not so bright after all.
    (dramatic stings as the camera pans to Space Ghost)
    Space Ghost: ...Yup.
    (dramatic stings as the camera pans to Future Man)
    • Space Ghost's "guitar lesson" is him attempting to play the intro of Roundabout by Yes.
    • While going through withdrawal from eating people, Space Ghost anxiously taps his cards on his desk. Eventually he taps them so fast they catch fire.
    • The ending.
    Kirk the Storyteller: (Completely straight-faced) I just had the most horrible dream! space.
  • "Intense Patriotism": Space Ghost's head on Mount Rushmore.
    • Space Ghost threatening to put Zorak and Moltar in "the box".
    • The moment when the patriotic background demo that Moltar installed comes up for a few seconds, causing Space Ghost to look up at it in shock.
    Moltar: This is just a shareware demo. It'll cost $14 million to actually install.
    Space Ghost: These are the colors of my forefathers, Moltar. The men who laid down their lives so that I can have my outer space talk show. (cuts to still shot of Mt. Rushmore, only with Space Ghost's head replacing Teddy Roosevelt) I think it's worth it.
    Moltar: You got $14 million?
    Space Ghost: I was hoping to sign for it?
    Moltar: Heh, heh, heh. No. (turns off demo)
    • A few times in the episode, Space Ghost is accompanied by patriotic music when saying an Eagleland quote. In one instance, the music starts playing even though he didn't intend for it that time.
    Space Ghost: I'll tell you what's insane. (patriotic music starts) Using laser- (Space Ghost pauses; the music stops) Using laser beams for optometry.
    • Zorak introduces Space Ghost to his "kids" and proceeds to flush them.
    Space Ghost: You're a bad father!(zaps into the control room)

  • The "Chambraigne" episode, the Chambraigne ad, Bob Costas narrating Space Ghost blasting Zorak off like a baseball gamed and completed with Gainax Ending
    Space Ghost: I AM THE KING!
    • Space Ghost's final question to Bob Costas:
    Space Ghost: As a carbon-based sex machine...
    Zorak: Smooth-chested, no doubt.
    Space Ghost: I was just gonna say that!... It's amazing. We've been working together so long...
    Zorak: We finish each others' sentences.
    Space Ghost: Well, you know, it's like I always say... when I'm in the shower... (no response from Zorak) (singing) Shower time!!
    • Space Ghost tries to scare a classroom of kids straight:
    Space Ghost: Let's stop right there. If someone approached you about washing your hair, (Space Ghost's left arm falls off) what would you say to them? I'll tell you what you should say. You'd say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need large brains to have a good time." You wanna be groovy, huh? You wanna fit in? Wanna go to the big dance? Wanna be the KING? You'll be the fool! Shampoo will play you for the fool!
    Teacher: Okay, well, thank you for coming-
    Space Ghost: Oh, I'm not done. I'm serious. These brains, they're out there. They're shining. With eyes of hard plastic. And blue hair. BLUE AS THE NIGHT!
    • This right before it.
    Carl: "It doesn't work! It's psychosomatic! It's a placebo!"
    Space Ghost: "Huh, those are big words. Maybe I should wash my hair again."
    Carl: "No! Can you not comprehend that your ignorance will cause me to explode now? ARRGH!"
    (Carl explodes)
    (Space Ghost's arm falls off)
    • This tortured threat from Carl to his son.
    Carl: If you had a neck and I had hands I would strangle it until the brain which is your body burst out the top of your head which does not exist.

  • "Snatch":
    • Space Ghost looking in a magazine:
    Space Ghost: You seen this? (shows Steven Wright the magazine)
    Steven Wright: Wow. Do you like human women?
    Space Ghost: I like these twins.
    • This, after Moltar describes the replicating pods:
    Space Ghost: No one sleeps with my grandmother!.... Right?
    Zorak: Right. (quietly) From now on.
    • The scene where Moltar and Zorak egg Space Ghost on to touch the replicating pods. So stupid but so funny.
    Zorak: Hey. Touch it. Go ooonnnn. See what happens.
    Moltar: Touch it, you know you want to.
    Zorak: Come on, man, touch it!
    Moltar: Yes, feel its heat.
    Zorak: Touch it!
    Moltar: Stroke its supple contours.
    Zorak: Nothing'll happen. Touch it. (whispers) That's what ya wanna do.
    Moltar: Touch it!
    Zorak: Touch it!
    Moltar: It's there for you to touch.
    Zorak: (whispers) You know you wanna!
    (dramatic music plays as Space Ghost's finger slowly edges towards the pod. Just as he's about to touch it...)
    Space Ghost: There, I touched it. Now I have to leave.
    Zorak: No you didn't.
    Space Ghost: No, I did. I touched it.

  • Girl Hair: Space Ghost's campfire story of "The Oasis of the Headless Mad Comber of Comb Mountain"
    Space Ghost Legend has it you can hear him, every night at about this time. Sharpening his comb. His pink, plastic... comb. Asking his victims, "Part on the right, or the left?" Hooks for feet.
    Hanson: No.
    Space Ghost: HOOKS FOR FEET! Eyes... made of wood. Combing... combing... harder and harder, until you were DEAD!
    Hanson: Eeehhhh...
    Space Ghost: Ones say he just disappeared, others say he's still here... combing. Combing... [pulls out a comb dramatically] COMBING! Oh no, oh no! [whooshes the comb around]

  • Curling Flower Space: The Running Gag of Space Ghost threatening to spin somebody's head so fast, it'll travel back in time. On one instance, guest Jerry Springer rolled his eyes when Space Ghost started to say it, so Space Ghost switched it up:
    Space Ghost: Moltar, I will spin your head so fast, it will... collect its own atmosphere. With gravity.
    Moltar: What?
    Space Ghost: And you'll be dead!
    Moltar: Why?
    Space Ghost: ...Because you weren't alive back then.
    • Zorak interrupting Space Ghost's flashback about facing off against a ceiling tile.
    Space Ghost: I was pinned. To the Earth.
    Zorak: Pfft. By a freakin' ceiling tile.
    Space Ghost: DON'T! (slams fist on desk to the time of his words) DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!
    • Speaking of which, the fight is pretty...interesting, to say the least. The ceiling tile-or rather, C. Ling Tile, bombards Space Ghost with his sprinkler, cool air, and abestos powder (with Space Ghost bemoaning the use of tap water and and the temperature lowering in his body). Until Space Ghost gets a Heroic Second Wind and incinerates C. Ling with the "Five Magics".
    • The ending:
    Space Ghost: What I'm saying is... saying things are not relative.
    Jerry Springer: This can't be during your sweeps.
    Space Ghost: And that, my friends, is the only truth.
    Jerry Springer: Is there an end to any of this??
    Space Ghost: The other truth... is that I totally did sex with that girl.
    Jerry Springer: Okay.
    Space Ghost: Because I did!
    Jerry Springer: Good!
    Space Ghost: I complete doodily did.
    Jerry Springer: Yes!
    Space Ghost: Yes, I think you can say, the two of us did, that activity. There was a performance at the theater, if you catch my drift, and we worked it from the balcony to below.

  • Table Read: This line:
    George Lowe: (in character as Space Ghost) Well, Jerry, the jig is up! 'Cause you're going down, all the way down! Not up, where the jig is, where I said before. Where's the damn camera?!

  • Fire Ant: Space Ghost does his damnedest to try to show Conan O'Brian that he's a doesn't work.
    • This leads to a rant about a show he once tried to pitch to the WB, which makes his hand burst into flames, which he ignores. The flames spread across his body over the course of several minutes, and when his head bursts into flames, Zorak bursts out laughing.
    • The episode opens with nearly a minute of awkward staring between Zorak and Conan while an orchestral fanfare plays before Space Ghost (who, let's remember, is able to fly), is lowered into his desk from the ceiling in a harness. After a failed attempt at demonstrating his thought-amplifying speaker, Space Ghost needs to leave to deal with a galactic emergency, and does so by...having Moltar slowly winch him up with the harness (again, despite Space Ghost being able to fly), only for one of the straps to break, leaving Space Ghost dangling helplessly as Zorak and Moltar beat him with sticks until he falls down.
    • This entry would be incomplete without mentioning the ant "chase" sequence in the full, uncut version of the episode. Space Ghost is bitten by an ant, then follows the ant out of the studio and across Ghost Planet. This sequence, when aired in full, takes ten minutes before it reaches its climax (and the end of the episode). There are no commercial breaks and the sequence is made up of Space Ghost following the ant while muttering to himself. The absurdity of the segment is enough to earn it placement here.
    • And when he finally gets to the ant's home and the father answers the door:
    Space Ghost: Hey, your son just bit me here! I wanna know what you're gonna do about it!
    (Beat; ant father roars)
    (Space Ghost is seen running away from the pursuing father ant)
    Space Ghost: Your son is a moron!

  • King Dead, this Running Gag:
    Brak: Someone say "beans"? (ducks into Zorak's music pod and emerges with a really tall fruit hat) Who likes beans!

  • From "Kentucky Nightmare":
    Space Ghost: Now, please welcome Corey Feldman!
    Willie Nelson: Hi.
    Space Ghost: Or, Willie Nelson. It really doesn't matter.
    • Willie, to the bear:
    Willie Nelson: Hey, how ya doin', Tex?
    Zorak: Eh, that bear's a Yankee.
    Willie Nelson: Well, (bleep) him.
    • And from the same episode, Space Ghost's Version of "Space Cowboy"
    Space Ghost: Dumb people haul trash around
    • This exchange, after SG acquires a party sub from the "doomed" sandwich shop
    Zorak: Gimme that sandwich!
    Space Ghost: Zorak, I didn't give you permission to go outside!
    Zorak: Moltar's out here smoking!
    Moltar; (running by and trailing smoke) No, I'm not!
    • The bear appears and repeatedly threatens Space Ghost. Eventually, it just charges and runs off with him, much to the amusement of Zorak, Moltar, and Willie.
    • The Running Gag of Zorak emitting a yellow cloud.
    Space Ghost: Zorak, you must be secreting something that's attracting this bear!
    Zorak: I haven't done anything!... Well, except for this. (emits cloud) MERRY CHRISTMAS!
    Space Ghost: Zorak, take your glands outside!
    • Later, after another emission:
    Zorak: That's gonna carry all the way to the village.
  • In "Knifin' Around", Space Ghost talking about his Zorak and Moltar to his "wife":
    Space Ghost: Are they gone?
    Björk: Yeah. Do you get along with them?
    Space Ghost: What, are you kidding? They're my best friends! That's why I married you: so I wouldn't have them anymore!
  • One word. Flipmode. The entire episode, really.
    Space Ghost: Who killed Walt Disney?! (beat) With a wrench?
    • This:
      Space Ghost: Now, woodpile, did you or did you not masquerade as eels and socked Zorak with that wrench? Answer me! Now, what about these beans?
      Moltar: Those must've fallen out of my hair.
      Moltar: Well, you're just making all this BLEEP up!
      Moltar: ...Oh, what? You're the only one that gets to make BLEEP up?
      Moltar: *Sigh* ...Those are part of the dinner.
      Space Ghost: No they're not. They're part of the plot.
      Moltar: They were on the menu.
      Space Ghost: Murder is on the menu!
    • Which is then followed by... one of the more interesting reveals of the episode:
      Space Ghost: Look... bean prints on the wrench. But, what is the wrench for?
      Moltar: That's where you were trying to fix the, uh, gas leak? And you made it leak?
    • Space Ghost upon seeing that they have a large supply of wood:
      Space Ghost: Hey, wood! We should build something!
      (after seven hours, the resulting two planks of wood leaning up against each other, with an electrical cord duct-taped onto one of the planks)
      Moltar: Wow. (beat) What's it do?
      Space Ghost: It's symbolic, Moltar. Things don't always have to do things!
    • In the supermarket:
      Space Ghost: This seems like as good a time as any to welcome our first new sponsor...
      (a second Space Ghost appears)
      Space Ghost 2: Natural gas.
      (a third Space Ghost giggles while hiding in the melons)
      Space Ghost 4: It gives you some ideas. (laughs)
    • The ending, when Space Ghost gets stuck in a vent while trying to pull Zorak out. We see Moltar and Space Ghost watching the show later, their backs to the audience.
      Moltar: This goes on for a while. Like, an hour.
      Space Ghost: But I got out, right?
      Moltar: Yeah, but then you got back in.
      Space Ghost: Did you get the part where I was "Space Ghost: A Tribute to Freedom"?
      Moltar: Nah, we recorded over that.
      Space Ghost: WHAT.
      Moltar: Ahem. I mean, I couldn't find it.
      (cuts to a frontal shot of Space Ghost)
      Space Ghost: Then what was the point of sanding my face off?!
  • Sweet for Brak
    • Tenacious D's performance of "Fuck Her Gently" gets censored at the last moment with a TERRIBLE acoustic cover of "Good King Wenceslas".
    • Near the end of the episode, Space Ghost finally gets a chance to go on a sitcom. The sitcom he gets chosen for? Zorak's show, Blood Dumpster.
      Space Ghost: (in a tunnel) Wait, what's my motivation?
      Zorak: (jumps out of a dumpster in a wheelchair, holding a scythe and has spinning blades attached to several parts of his body) Gaba-gaba-GO NEIGHBOR!
      Space Ghost: (runs away) OH NO!
      • How he manages to get on the sitcom in the first place is even more hilarious. Space Ghost manages to make a Deal with the Devil (with the devil being Yogi Bear wearing what appears to be a crown made out of bones and has a deep, growling voice). Doubles as a Brick Joke, considering the satanic references at the beginning.

    2003- 2004 
  • Whipping Post, where Space Ghost spends the entire episode in an irrationally bad mood.
    • The very first line uttered:
      Space Ghost: Let's get one thing straight: I'm angry!
    • When Space Ghost and Dennis Miller talk about their sons:
      Space Ghost: Yeah, I have two sons: Fifi and Pierre. I shave their butts out of anger, (laugh) and they hate me for it. (puts hand over his face and makes a buzzing noise) That's the shaving noise. Wanna give a shout-out to your two sons?
      Dennis Miller: Marlon, Holdon! Ghost!
      Space Ghost: Fifi, Pierre! Get off the couch!
      (Dennis quizzically stares at Space Ghost)
      Space Ghost: ...It is clear they're poodles, right?
    • This line:
      Space Ghost: SPAAAAAAAACE *bleep* Fu-*bleep* Catch-*bleep* Gonzales!
      (cuts to Zorak making a shocked look)
  • In Memory of Elizabeth Reed
    William Shatner: (Keeping his mouth closed) Do you hear me? Can you hear me? Do you dig me? Can you get my message? You hear what I'm saying? (Exhales)
    Space Ghost: William Shatner!
    William Shatner: That's incorrect.
    Space Ghost: Bill Shatman!
    William Shatner: No. (Beat) I'm the space guy. I'm Captain Kirk!
  • Idlewild South, Space Ghost gets drunk. Nuff' said.
    • Some of his antics include him riding the guest monitor as if he was a cowboy, jumping on his desk and acting like it's a surfboard, and firing a gun at the ceiling when he hears growling coming from above. It gets to the point where Zorak and Moltar (who both gave him beer to begin with) suggests he should lay off it. Space Ghost's response?
    Space Ghost: You drink some water with YOUR ASS!
    • Not to mention this line.
    Space Ghost: Ah, you have a drinking problem, don't I?
  • Dreams
    • "I too, banged a dog up the ass."
    Moltar: You're really digging yourself a deep hole.
    Space Ghost: A hole that I will bang my way out of!
    • From the same episode, Space Ghost's foundation to cure "Retardos."
    Space Ghost: We...moisten your dreams with man urine? (Beat)
    Triumph: Whatever you say with your outer space jar-
    Space Ghost: Won't you help? Just 20 cents a day and we moisten your dreams with man urine! Won't you help? I think I will. (Begins peeing in his coffee mug) Won't you help? Look at this... (After he finishes peeing) Now, Moltar, sprinkle my contribution on the children, so that they may dream.

  • Space Ghost interviews Tommy Wiseau in the commercial breaks for one of the Adult Swim airings of The Room. After the rather mediocre Gametap episodes, this was a return to comedic form.
  • Meta-example: Before the show aired on Adult Swim, the show's official website had transcripts of every episode, and since some of the later episodes featured stronger language, whoever wrote the transcripts censored the "bad" words but still gave a description in parentheses of what the offending word was. See Curling Flower Space for a particularly funny example. It was a brilliant combination of Bowdlerise and Getting Crap Past the Radar.