Funny / South Park - Seasons 1 to 5

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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♪ I love to singa / About the moon-a and the Jun-a and the spring-a ♪

Season 1

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe"

• Kyle's Cluster Bleep-Bomb, especially because of the aliens completely ignoring his Rousing Speech and begin to leave.
  • This great exchange right after Kyle's Rousing Speech.
    Stan: That was beautiful, dude.
    Kyle: Did it work?
    Stan: Nope, they're leaving.
• The following:
  Cartman: No, Kitty this is my pot pie! Mom, Kitty's being a dildo!
  Cartman's Mom: Well then I know a certain Kitty Kitty that's sleeping with mommy tonight.
  Cartman: ...What?
• As shown in the page image, Cartman singing and dancing while under alien control. Stan's reaction afterwards makes it even funnier.
  Stan: What the hell was THAT?!
• Cartman's repeated insistence that his alien abduction was just a nightmare, despite the increasing amount of evidence to the contrary, such as his farting fire, and an alien probe exiting his anus. He doesn't even notice when the giant satellite dish appears in the ending.
• Cartman's reaction to being taken aboard the spaceship a second time.
  Cartman: Help! Sonsabitches!! DIIIILDOOOOOOOOOOoooooosss-
• Kyle asks Mr. Garrison to be excused from class to save his brother Ike from the aliens who gave Cartman an anal probe, but Mr. Garrison isn't having any of it:
  Kyle: Can I please be excused from class?
  Mr. Garrison: I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?
  Kyle: I don't want to ask Mr. Hat! I'm asking you!
  Mr. Garrison: Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat.
  Kyle: (to Mr. Hat) Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?
  Mr. Hat: Well, Kyle...NO!^note  The pilot includes a few extra words here: "No no, NO! I'm Mr. Hat, and you, you're a little turd!" You hear me?! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
  • In a deleted scene from the pilot, Kyle has apparently left Mr. Hat in a bad mood.
    Mr. Garrison: Oh great, now Mr. Hat's all pissed off.
    Kyle: Fuck Mr. Hat.
    Mr. Hat: No no no. Fuck you!
    [cut to the entire class shocked]
• At the end, the aliens give the cows a mysterious device. As Stan and Kyle wonder what it does, the scene cuts to Officer Barbrady cornering the cows he tried to apprehend earlier and daring them to escape. One of the cows activates the device, and it causes Barbrady to start singing and dancing to "I Love To Singa", much like Cartman did earlier.
• In the pilot version, rather than pull the fire alarm for a fake fire drill, Chef gives the boys extra hot tamales to raise their temperatures for long enough to fool the school nurse into thinking they have a fever and need to go home sick.
  • Cartman is bullied into eating all four tamales by a group of fifth graders, and this becomes the cause of his fiery flatulence. He's uncharacteristically dedicated to being polite about his problem even while screaming in pain.
    Fifth Grader: C'mon you guys! Let's beat these little runts silly! [they advance on the four third graders]
    Cartman: [farts a fireball] AHHHH MY ASS! [the fifth graders stop in their tracks]
    Kyle: Damn, Cartman!
    Fifth Grader: [shaken] Hey!... what's the matter with him!?
    Cartman: [farts another fireball] AHHHH ('scuse me) OWWW MY ASS, AHHHH!
  • The boys take Cartman to the nurse's office, but when she tries to take his temperature, he flashes back to receiving the anal probe and bites the thermometer in half... then his problem recurs, and somehow he still insists on being polite about it:
    Nurse: [as Cartman bites the end off the thermometer] Ouch! That's it! You boys get back to class and stop wasting my time or I'm gonna write an office referral!
    Cartman: [farts a fireball] OWWW MY ASS!
    Nurse: OH MY GOD!
    Cartman: Excuse me.
    Stan, Kyle, Kenny: [pointing at the nurse] We told you!
• The final scene of the pilot version is also very different from the version that aired on Comedy Central:
  • The original version takes a different tack with Kenny's deaths being reversed by an Unexplained Recovery; as Stan and Kyle are musing that they're running out of friends, Kenny simply appears next to them at the bus stop and says (muffled as usual), "Hey guys, what's going on?" Kyle seems a bit confused by Kenny's re-appearance, but shrugs it off.
  • Rather than declaring cows the planet's ultimate species and giving them a device that makes Officer Barbrady perform "I Love to Sing-a" while dancing, the aliens had... other plans for the cows originally.
    Barbrady: [driving up in his patrol car] I just want you boys to know that nothing out of the ordinary happened here in South Park last night.
    Kyle: We know about the visitors, Officer Barbrady. You don't have to lie about them to us.
    Barbrady: Visitors? [laughs] That's a hoot! Say, you guys haven't seen a herd of cattle 'round here, have you?
    Stan: No. Did you ask those people over there?
    ["those people" are a group of aliens, one of whom is wearing a chef's hat and apron and cooking burgers on a charcoal grill; mutilated cattle corpses lie nearby]
    Barbrady: Yeah, they didn't know anything.
  • When Ike tries to follow him to school again, Kyle doesn't bother keeping his promise to stop playing "Kick the Baby", this time launching him through a window of Cartman's house. Liane appears at the broken window and nonchalantly asks, "Now who would kick a baby through my window?"

"Weight Gain 4000"

• This line:
  Kyle: Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people go "God. DAMN IT, that's a big fat ass"!
  Cartman: No they don't, you jealous weakling!
  Random Guy: God damn, that's a big fat ass!
  Cartman: AY!!
  • Just the way Kyle stops to say "God. DAMN IT."
• Cartman appearing on Geraldo in the ending, now having ballooned up so much in weight he can't even leave his house. He still thinks he's just muscular.
  Cartman: Follow your dreams! You can reach your goals, I'm living proof! Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!!
• The Mayor trying to encourage the people of South Park to work harder at making South Park look amazing and impress Kathie Lee Gifford.
  Mayor: Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!
  The Cows all look up and moo
• Mr. Garrison preparing to kill Kathie Lee Gifford, only to discover she travels around in a dome of bulletproof glass like the Pope.
  Mr. Garrison: Damn, guess I'm not the only person in America who's thought of killing Kathie Lee Gifford.
• Mr. Garrison asking Officer Barbrady if there's any place in town where he can get a good clear shot—er, view of Kathie Lee. Officer Barbrady suggests the book depository. Later on, Wendy runs up to him after having discovered Garrison's plan, and tells Barbrady they have to find him right away.
  Barbrady: What? You mean the teacher? Wait a minute... [Flash Back] "I think the book depository might be a good bet. Book depository. Depository. DEPOSITORY!!! [beat] DAMN! He could be anywhere!
• The "muscle increase" drink Cartman keeps chugging throughout the episode, the aforemented Weight Gain 4000. The commercial asks if the viewer is tired of "being a 90 pound weakling", and Cartman says he weighs 90 pounds, so it's perfect for him.
• Later in the episode, Cartman shows up to the bus stop wearing a tank top to show off his new body. The boys are less than impressed.
  Kyle: What the hell is wrong with you Cartman? Haven't you noticed the three feet of snow on the ground?
  Cartman: Listen! I have a nice body, and I want to show it off! You got that?
  Stan: What? You got to weigh 90 pounds!
  Cartman: I'm up to 94, thank you very much!
• The school play about the history of South Park, with the kids playing Indians and settlers.
  Clyde: Am I an Indian, or a pioneer?
  Garrison: Do you have a feather on your head?
  Clyde: Yes.
  Garrison: Then you're an Indian.
  Clyde: Oh.
• The play itself is just the settlers beating the crap out of the Indians with their fake muskets.
• Stan tells Cartman that instead of getting in shape, he'll eat snacks while watching TV. Gilligan Cut to Cartman doing just that.

"Volcano"

• The whole "Duck and cover" PSA the adults watch before setting out to mount a rescue, with the lava in the video somehow jumping over the people. And then later when some townsfolk attempt to copy what the video said, they naturally end up frying.
• Cartman's prank backfiring and nearly resulting in him getting blown to kingdom come.

"Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride"

• When Sparky is introduced for the first time, Stan claims that Sparky is the toughest dog on the mountain due to him being part Doberman and part wolf, but Cartman retorts that Sylvester (a mean-looking stray mutt) is the toughest dog in South Park. When Stan claims that Sparky is tougher than Sylvester, Cartman decides to take that as a challenge and calls Sylvester over to fight Sparky, with Stan claming that Sparky will win the fight against Sylvester. But instead of fighting Sylvester, Sparky jumps on top of him, leading up to this gem:
  Stan: That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!
  Cartman: Huh. He's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.
• Sparky showing up with a pink scarf, twice. Stan is less than amused, not to mention confused of where his dog keeps getting the scarf.
• Kenny getting killed during the football match when the other team dismembers him and knocks his head off with a tackle. The referee doesn't even call a foul.
• The hilariously underwhelming victory at the end, South Park still loses the game by 66 points, but they beat Middle Park's spread of 70 points in other matches, which is treated like a major victory for the town.
• The reason why the whole town is so obsessed with the match.
  Jimbo: Chef, I don't need to remind you how important this game is to us South Park alumni.
  Chef: Elementary school alumni?!
  Jimbo: That's as far as most of us got.
• Seeking advice on homosexuality, Stan calls up Jesus on his talk show.
  Jesus: Many people have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is, and I'd like to make it clear once and for all. You see-
  Announcer: That's all the time we have for Jesus and Pals, now stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews!
  Stan: DAMN IT!!
  Kyle: What'd he say?
  Stan: I got cut off for Marty's stupid movie reviews!
  Cartman: Oh, Marty's Movie Reviews are on? Kickass! *leaves*

"An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

• The following:
  Kyle: Yeah, but that sucks, to get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan.
  Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, "Hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"
• He pulls the same stunt later in the episode, gets threatened by Shelley, and immediately wusses out by blaming Kenny.
• Later on, Cartman goes on a third such rant, only this time it ends up going completely off the rails:
  Cartman: If I girl tried to beat me up, I'd be all like, "Hey, why don't you stop... dressing me like a mailman and making me dance for you, while you smoke crack and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed?!"
  [Beat, with Kyle looking completely stunned]
  Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
  Cartman: I'm just saying you're a little wuss is all.
• Kenny getting cooked in the Marsh family's microwave. Then when he falls out burned to a crisp, Kyle delivers the "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" catchphrase and screams "You bastard!" at the microwave.
• During the Stan Clone's rampage through South Park, it bursts through the wall of the studio where Jesus N Pal's is being taped, much to Jesus Christ's shock.
  Jesus: JESUS!!
  • The fact that everyone thinks the clone is Stan even though it looks nothing like him, with a massive enlarged head and a stump arm.

"Death"

• The way Stan's Grandpa tries to convince Cartman to kill him:
  Grandpa: Well, let me tell you something, Porky, Your Mom was over here earlier and I humped her like a little bitch.
  Cartman: What?
  Grandpa: That's right!
  Stan: Grandpa!
  Grandpa: And then, I dug up your great-grandma's skeleton, and had my way with her too.
  Cartman: Hey!
  Grandpa: Choice piece of ass, your great-grandma.
  Cartman: You piece of crap! I'll kill you!
  Grandpa: That's the spirit, tubby!
• Then as Stan tries to drag Cartman away...
  Grandpa: Did I ever tell you about the time I boofed your dad, fatso?
• The Running Gag of people answering Stan's question about whether euthanising his Grandpa is ethical with "I'm not touching that with a [multiple of 20]-foot pole," culminating in a call to Jesus and Pals.
  • Stan is the second caller of the day, and the first is just as hilarious:
    Announcer: And now, back to Jesus and Pals, on South Park public access.
    Jesus: Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace. [presses a button on his phone] First caller, you're on Jesus and Pals.
    Caller: [microphone feedback and echo] Yeah, is this Jesus?
    Jesus: Y-yes, caller, you need to turn your TV down, that's why you're getting that weird feedback.
    Caller: Oh, sorry. [the feedback stops] Uh, this is Martin-
    Jesus: Martin from Aspen Park, yes, I know.
    Caller: How the hell'd you know that?
    Jesus: Well, maybe because I'm the son of God, Brainiac, now do you have a question?
    Caller: ... uh, yeah, I have this cousin, who- who cheated on the SATs-
    Jesus: Tell little Gregory that cheating is lying and lying is wrong, no matter what the circumstance.
    Caller: Oh. O-okay, thank- thanks for the advice, Jesus. [hangs up]
  • Then it's Stan's turn:
    Jesus: [presses a button on his phone] Next caller, you're on the air.
    Stan: Jesus?
    Jesus: Yes, my son.
    Stan: Jesus, is, is it okay to kill somebody if they ask you to? 'Cause they're in a lot of pain, you know, like, assisted suicide, is that okay?
    Jesus: My son...
    Stan: Yes?
    Jesus: I'm not touching that with a sixty-foot pole. [presses a button on his phone] Next caller.
    Stan: God damn it!
    Jesus: I heard that.
• When all the adults get the stomach flu, they all start making jokes about it, such as "making some gravy" or "giving birth to a brown baby". Qualifies as Hypocritical Humor since they're doing this while trying to get Terrence and Phillip taken off the air for its Toilet Humor.
  • In the end, they manage to get the show taken off the air... only for it to be replaced by reruns of She's The Sheriff, which has foul language instead of toilet humor, leading to Sheila and the parents heading back to New York for another protest.

"Pinkeye"

• Cartman and Kyle making fun of Stan's Raggedy Andy costume.
  Cartman: What are you supposed to be Stan, Howdy Doody?
  Stan: No, I'm Raggedy Andy, fatass!
  Cartman: Oh, heh, wow, you look pretty cool.
  (beat, followed by and Cartman and Kyle laughing)
  Kyle: Sissy.
  Stan: I'll kick your ass, Kyle!
  Cartman: Oh, look out! Holly Hobbie's all pissed off!
• "Adolf Hitler was a very, very naughty man!" It's a few episodes in but Cartman thinking Hitler was awesome is his Establishing Character Moment. And Principal Victoria's reaction? Make another costume. Dressing him as a ghost seems reasonable, dressing him as the KKK, not so much.
• "And the President responded to the incident by saying 'Screw those commie bastards, and screw their little wussy space station.'"
• What does Chef do after turning into a zombie? He starts singing his version of "Thriller" dressed as Micheal Jackson, with the other zombies acting like backup dancers.
  Zombie Chef: "I'm gonna make love, even when I'm dead! My body might get cold, but it's always hot in my bed. Make love! Don't you be afraid. Just because my heart ain't beating, it don't mean you won't get laid!"
• The source of the zombie plague - A bottle of Worcestershire sauce the mortician accidentally poured into the embalming fluid. There's even a customer service line dedicated to this problem, apparently it's not the first time this has happened.
  • When Kyle calls the hotline, he interrupts the instruction to press three.
• Kenny returning from the dead a second time, having been stitched back together from when Kyle sawed him in half with a chainsaw to stop the zombie plague... only to immediately die again when a statue in the cemetery falls over and crushes him. And then a plane crashes on top of that.
• Chef says they need to go to the morgue because the first people to become zombies were the mortician and his assistant. Cartman, Stan and Kyle shake in fear upon hearing this... until Kyle farts. He and Stan laugh, saddling Cartman with the blame.
  Cartman: It was Kyle!

"Starvin' Marvin"

• Chef gives an epic Rousing Speech about how they won't let the Turkeys defeat them in a Shout-Out to Braveheart... only to cut to a similar scene with the Turkeys, including a blue and white face-painted turkey giving the Rousing Speech in Turkey speech.

"Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo"

• Mr Garrison suggests getting rid of all the Mexicans out of the blue while the town is trying to be politically correct. The Mayor's reaction suggests this is far from the first time this has happened.
  Mr. Garrison: Can we get rid of all the Mexicans?
  [Beat]
  Mayor: (deadpan) No Mr. Garrison, we can't get rid of all the Mexicans.
  Mr. Garrison: Rats.
• Gerald and Sheila punish Kyle by telling him he won't get to open a Chanukah present. The parents don't notice Ike playing with the family's menorah until Kyle tells them in a fit of anger.
  Kyle: (under his breath) It's probably just another stupid dreidel anyway.
  Gerald: What did you say?!
  Kyle: I said Ike's on fire!
  Ike: Oh-oh! On flame?
  Sheila: (rushes over) OH MY GOD!
  (Gerald douses the flames with a blanket)
• The hilariously abstract school Christmas play that results from the aggressive attempts of making the celebration as non-denominational and inoffensive as possible. The play is produced by composer Philip Glass and consists mostly of the kids jumping around in black leotards while a narrator reads poetry.
• This episode was the first to subvert They Killed Kenny Again, each subversion funnier than the last:
  • Mr. Garrison tells the class that their play can't include Christmas lights so as not to offend epileptics, and he instructs Kenny to unplug the lights. He walks over to a gigantic mass of cords plugged into a single socket next to a leaking pipe, accompanied by "Psycho" Strings, and... simply pulls them out of the wall without incident.
  • With Chef performing the opening act, Kenny is asked to remove the star from over the stage so as not to offend non-Christians. He climbs a rickety ladder next to a tank of water, which Mr. Garrison tells him to watch out for, as the shark for the third act is in there (cue the "Psycho" Strings and Kenny trembling in terror). Intercut with Chef's performance, we see Kenny reaching for the star as the shark jumps up, snapping its jaws... and finally, Kenny climbing to the bottom of the ladder again, holding the star and sighing in relief.
  • In the episode's final scene, with Mr. Hankey having secured Kyle's release from the asylum and gone off with Santa in his sleigh, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman still think something is wrong...
    [Stan, Kyle, and Cartman all look at Kenny, who simply looks straight ahead]
    Kyle: You know, it seems like something's still not right.
    [the camera suddenly pans to Kenny as the "Psycho" Strings play again]
    Cartman: Yeah. Something feels... unfinished.
    [he, Stan, and Kyle look at Kenny again; this time, he looks back]
    Stan: W-what could it be?...
    [Kenny looks around nervously, an ominous rumbling on the soundtrack... and then the words "THE END" appear on the screen]
    Kenny: [jumping for joy] (WOO HOO HOO!)
• In The Stinger, Jesus is alone in the Jesus and Pals studio, sitting at a table with a cake with a single candle in it:
  Jesus: [singing glumly] Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me... [blows out the candle, plunging the studio into darkness]

"Damien"

• Whenever the title character makes his satanic declarations, an Ominous Latin Chanting is heard in the background. But it ain't no normal ominous Latin chanting. It goes like this: "Rectus Dominus! Cheesy Poofs!".
• Damien burning down the playground.
• Mr Mackey telling Damien to just be passive and the other kids will like him eventually, like he told Pip once. Cut to the kids playing "Who Can Spit On Pip The Best" out on the playground.
• Cartman's epic tantrum at his birthday party due to not getting the toy he wanted from Kyle. Cartman even gave instructions to everyone he invited on what to buy him, different toys from the fictional "Mega Man" (no relation) toyline.
• Damien first meeting Pip.
  Pip: My names Phillip, but everyone calls me Pip, because they hate me.
  Damien: Then I shall call you Pip.
  Pip: Right-o.

"Tom's Rhinoplasty"

• Cartman laughing obnoxiously over Wendy suggesting an imaginary cruise and wedding for her and Stan's Valentine's date.
  • And anytime Wendy talks during this scene, a cutesy music box tune can be heard in the background, and it abruptly cuts out whenever Cartman bursts into laughter.
• We have an absolutely priceless exchange.
  Wendy: Hey Stan, did you notice that one of Ms. Ellen's arms is longer than the other?
  Chef: Oh that's okay! Because you know what they say about women with one arm that's longer than the other!
  Kenny: (Yeah, they totally kick ass at spanking!)
  Chef: That's right!
  Wendy: Well, did you notice that she has a big hairy mole on the back of her neck?
  Chef: That's alright too, because you know what they say about women with big hairy moles on the backs of their necks!
  (everyone looks at Kenny, who is just as lost on this one as the other kids are)
• After Chef strikes out with Ms. Ellen, it turns out to be because she's a lesbian. Since he finds it too awkward to explain to the boys what a lesbian is, he tells them it means she's only attracted to other lesbians. So naturally, they spend the rest of the episode trying to become lesbians, using whatever out-of-context information they can find. Cut to Stan, Kyle and Kenny arriving at Cartman's house to find him licking the living room rug.
  Cartman: My mom said if I want to become a lesbian, all I have to do is "lick carpet"!
  Stan: Well, I got this Indigo Girls CD, the guy at the record store said it was perfect!
  • Even at the end, following Ms. Ellen's death, Cartman is still trying.
  Kyle: Cartman, are you STILL trying to become a lesbian?!
  Cartman: Yeah man, my mom said all I have to do is chow on this box! *is literally chewing on a cardboard box*
• Wendy trying to get the boys to stop their obsession with Ms. Ellen by telling them about a dump she was taking in the bathroom.

"Mecha-Streisand"

• Cartman getting interviewed by the news.
  Cartman: And I told him. I said, "Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts." But he didn't give it back to me. So I kicked him square. In the nuts. And he cried. Like Nancy Kerrigan!
  Kyle: You liar, Cartman!
  Cartman: Screw you, triangle thief!
• Barbrady telling off Streisand is both funny and awesome.
  Barbrady: Well you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple I don't give a rat's ass!
• Cartman breaks into Kyle's room to retrieve the triangle only for Ike to catch him.
  Kyle: What the hell are you doing!?
  Cartman: I'm trying to get my tri... Wait a minute, I'm not talking to you. Ike, will you tell Kyle that I was trying to get my triangle back?
• Streisand drives up to the boys while wearing a fake mustache and glasses. She tries to keep it cool when the boys crack jokes about her. The boys never notice, even when she stops them with a scream of "ENOUGH!"
  Streisand: Anyway, if you'll come with me in my car, I'll take you up to my condo where I'll kill you. I, I mean, uh, uh... give you money for the triangle.
  Cartman: Sweet! I'm gonna be rich. Bet you wish you hadn't given me that triangle back now, huh, Kyle! Dumbass!
  Kyle: Wait, isn't there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
  Cartman: No, not when money's involved, stupid!
• A news reporter declares that South Park has been rebuilt after being attacked three times before. Cue Mecha-Streisand stomping through town.
  Reporter: Oh, Goddammit, not again!
• Mecha-Streisand decides to take a break from her rampage to give Kyle's mom an autograph.

"Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut"

• When Stan and Kyle tell Mr. Mackey about Cartman's first tea party moment.
  Kyle: Mr. Mackey, something's really wrong with Cartman.
  Mr. Mackey: Oh, well, there's a news flash.
• When Stan and Kyle record Cartman's second tea party at Mr. Mackey's request, Cartman has a bit of a slight tiff with his dolls.
  Cartman: More tea, Rumpertumskin?
  Rumpertumskin: Yes, please, Eric. You are tough and handsome.
  Cartman: Thank you, Rumpertumskin. And what do you think about me, Clyde Frog?
  Clyde Frog: I think you're a big fat piece of crap.
  Cartman: (after a few seconds of Stunned Silence) ...Hey!
• Cartman goes to see Chief Running Water at the Ute Reservation, believing that Chief Running Water is his biological father, only for him to reveal the truth behind Cartman's mom and what happened during the Drunken Barn Dance.
  Running Water: Kid, I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native Americans refer to as, "Bear with Wide Canyon".
  Cartman: What do you mean?
  Running Water: She is "Doe who cannot keep legs together."
  Cartman: Huh?
  Running Water: Your mom's a slut.
  Cartman: Hey!
• The go-kart scene, especially when the go-kart starts moving and Kenny jumps up, if you slow the scene down, you can see that the shapes that make him up all separate from each other.
• Cartman's reaction to seeing the footage of his tea party on America's Funniest Home Videos.
  Cartman: I...am...so...pissed...off...right...NOOOWW!
  [moments later]
  Cartman: [Starts to turn a bright shade of pink from anger] I...am...going...to...FUCKING...KILL YOU GUYS...SERIOUSLY!!!

Season 2

"Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus"

• The season opener, Not Without My Anus is actually pretty funny, centering around Terrance and Phillip in a parody of the movie Not Without My Daughter.
• The main characters odd Cloud Cuckoo Lander behavior, such as using idle moments to "search for treasure" or putting on a pirate costume to eat Kraft Dinner.
  Scott: What are you idiots doing?
  Phillip: We're searching for treasure!
  Scott: Is that some kind of metaphor for a search that cant be described?
  Phillip: ....noooo, we're searching for treasure!
• Terrance going to Iran to find his daughter.
  Terrance: Oh Phillip, how will I ever find my fugitive daughter in this daunting place? We don't speak the language, we are unwelcome strangers, and we have no idea where to begin!
  Phillip: Oh look, there she is.

"Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut"

• Kenny's response to Mephesto being shot: "Oh my God, they killed Mephesto!" Kyle follows up with the usual "You bastard!"
• In the special about Cartman finding his dad, a TV crew and some other townsfolk are trapped in a studio due to a blizzard and are Drawing Straws to see who gets to be eaten by the rest.
  Jimbo: Wait a minute, where the hell is the short one?
  Barbrady: The short what?
  Jimbo: Damn it, Barbrady! When you draw straws, you're supposed to have one of them short. That's how you decide who loses!
  Barbrady: That's not how I played it!
• It royally pissed off a lot of people, but in hindsight, airing a Terrance and Phillip "special" instead of the second part was one of the funniest practical jokes ever pulled on an audience.
• From the same special: "Team B will consist of Kenny."
• Cartman singing "Come Sail Away"

"Chickenlover"

• Officer Barbrady pulls up to what he thinks is a fast food restaurant drive-thru, only for the speaker box to tell him he's at a bank.
  Barbrady: I know that, smartypants! What, you think I'm some kind of an idiot?!
  Teller: Yes.
  Barbrady: Hmm....
• The alphabet chart above Mr. Garrison's blackboard has a mix of upper and lower case letters which spell out "¡Dios mio, han matado a Kenny!" "¡Bastardos!" which are the Spanish translations for "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" and "You bastards!" respectively.
• Kenny cheating death three times before he is finally killed by a tree which falls on him during the credits.
• The entire "Chicken Lover" scheme turns out to be an extremely convoluted plan by the driver of the Library Bus to force Officer Barbardy to finally learn to read. And after he succeeds, he gives Barbrady a copy of Atlas Shrugged as a parting gift... which turns out to be so bad that Barbady vows to never read another book again in his life.

"Ike's Wee Wee"

• "No way, dude! We're not staying alone in your house with your wee-wee choppin' parents!"
• Ike isn't particularly enthusiastic about his upcoming bris either.
  Kyle's Mom: Hi Linda, thanks for coming to Ike's bris!
  Ike: Uh-oh.
• Ike's brief stay in Nebraska where Kyle sends him to get him away from their parents. When the Brofloskis come looking for him, they find him being used as a table stand in a nearby bar.
• The sign for Ike's Bris is just "Ike's Funeral" with the word "Funeral" crossed out and "Bris" written above it.
• One of the guests isn't a relative or friend of the family, he's just some weirdo who enjoys bris parties. Though weirded out, the family lets him stay.

"Conjoined Fetus Lady"

• Concerned about the boys being disgusted over the school nurse having a dead fetus on her face, Kyle's mother, Sheila, decides to educate them about conjoined twins. She concludes that they may even have a dead fetus inside their body and not even know about it, causing both Stan and Cartman to run out of the house screaming. Soon afterwards, a very angry Sharon calls Sheila up because ever since Stan got home, he's been trying to split his head open with an ice pick, while in the background, we see Stan running around with an ice pick and screaming, "No! I have to get it out!" as Randy tries to take it from him in vain.
  Sharon: Would you do me a favor? Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child, just go outside and sit in the road until a truck runs you over instead. (Hangs up)
• The South Park Cows dodgeball team goes to the state finals, despite not being part of the State League or even playing any other schools. It turns out to be because the Denver team picked an opposing team at random just so they'd have someone to play against because their current domination of the league meant no one wanted to play against them.
  Kyle: Shouldn't we have won something before going to the state finals?
  • Then there's the Cows "victory" against the Washington team in the national finals, who forfeits the match because they don't want to face the Chinese, giving South Park the win by default. Finally, there's the Curb-Stomp Battle that is the World Series finals against China. How bad is it? Kenny gets killed by the first throw in the game!

"The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka"

• The fake video of the titular frog, which features the 'frog' being held on a stick by a string, Cartman dressed up as an old lady, and Kenny mooning the camera.
• The new producer of Jesus N' Pals insists that Jesus make the show more appealing to a wide audience, making it increasingly more like a daytime talk show, and finally degenerates into a painful copy of The Jerry Springer Show, complete with rude, obnoxious audience members and inappropriate content. It even turns into a riot at the end (where Kenny is killed), complete with chants of "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!"

"City on the Edge of Forever" (Flashbacks)

• In one of the flashbacks, Death is about to kill Kenny, when Kenny grabs him and beats the snot out of him, followed by this exchange:
  Stan: Oh my god, Kenny...killed...Death!
  Kyle: (confused) You...bastard?
• Cartman remembering the events of "Weightgain 4000" as Kathie Lee secretly being an alien, and Mr Garrison killing her. And that instead of being hugely fat, Cartman was tall and fit.
• The Reveal that the entire episode was a dream Stan was having about Cartman having a dream.
• The B-plot of the episode that has Ms. Crabtree end up completely sidetracked after she left the bus to get help, and end up as a stand up comedian in New York, only to almost immediately burn out on fame and embark on a romance with the trucker she met while hitchhiking.

"Summer Sucks"

• One of Cartman's lines:
  Cartman: If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack, and blow your balls out all over your panties!
• Cartman tries to swim to the deep end doggy style.
• "Okay, everybody line up so I can whoop all yo asses!" ^note Context: Chef has returned from a vacation in Aruba, only to find every person in town seemingly wearing blackface. It's actually ashes from the giant ash snake that took up most of the episode's plot.

"Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls"

• What does Cartman think about independent movies? He thinks they're always about gay cowboys eating pudding. He's correct in at least two instances.
• A meta example: When Brokeback Mountain came out (which is about gay cowboys), Matt Stone commented "If they eat pudding together at any point in the movie, I'm gonna lose it."
• Kenny's death: getting trampled by people leaving one of the theaters.
  Townsperson #1: Oh my God, I found a penny!
  Townsperson #2: You bastard!
• The Aesop of the episode: Even though some indie films are great, most of them suck ass.
• Mayor McDaniels' response to Mr. Hankey stopping the Sundance Film Festival:
  Mayor McDaniels: "Oh, yeah, now all we have is a town covered in shit! This is MUCH better!"

"Roger Ebert should lay off the Fatty Foods"

• Stan and Kyle accidentally cause Kenny's death this time.
  Stan: Oh my God, WE killed Kenny!
  Kyle: We're bastards!
• The fact that the entire episode is essentially a Whole-Plot Reference to the Star Trek Original Series episode "Dagger Of the Mind".

"Clubhouses"

• Hey Hey Hey! It's Fat Abbott!
  Fat Abbott: Hey, Hey, Hey! What's goin' on Rudy?
  Rudy: Man, Fat Abbott, you need to lose weight.
  Fat Abbott: I'll lose weight when I feel like it, bitch! Shut yo bitch ass mouth, ho!
  Rudy: Bitch! I'll kick yo ass.
  [...]
  Fat Abbott: You think you slick, you punk ass blasphemous dope-fiend bitch?! I had my Jimmy waxed seven times last week, I'll bust a cap in your *beep* ass *beep* head!
  • Complete with Bill Cosby showing up at the end of the last bit to sum up the episode's moral: "If you have a step-dad getting on your case, then jam his ass in a bear trap!"
• Wendy's dare at the end:
  Wendy: Now take this stick, and shove it up your pee hole.
  Stan: ...WHAT?!
  Wendy: Wow, that sucks.
  Bebe: Do you think it'll hurt?
  • It's extra funny because Stan has spent the whole episode hoping to be dared to kiss Wendy, not realizing that the reason the girls wanted to play Truth or Dare was because Bebe wanted to kiss Kyle.
• Stanley's new stepdad, Roy, appears in maybe three or four scenes and is probably the best part of the episode. Best exemplified in his introduction:
  Roy: Hello Stanley! I know this must be a very difficult period for you, and the adjustment is going to take some time. But I'd like to be your friend. So when you're ready, I want you to feel free to come to me with anything you might need. You can count on me.
  Stan: This is happening way too fast.
  Roy: Oh Jesus, when are you going to cut me some slack, huh? I have taken you under my wing, and done my best, and all you ever do is whine and moan about it! Now go cut some firewood!
  • It's his complete 180 that sells it. And his obsession with cutting firewood.

"Chef Aid"

• Cartman's German polka dance.
• This gem:
  Johnnie Cochran: (holds up a monkey) Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.
  (A jury member grunts, then his head explodes)

"Spookyfish"

• The episode being shown in "Spookyvision": Barbra Streisand's face on all four corners of the screen.
• Cartman's constant use of "hella".
  Stan: Why do you keep saying "hella", fatass?
  Cartman: Because I'm hella cool, that's why.
  Kyle: That's not cool!
  Cartman: You guys are just hella jealous.
• Stan's mom and her constant cover ups (which wouldn't fool a five-year-old) for the evil fish's murders, which she thinks Stan did, all the while acting like a nervous wreck. Then she locks up Officer Barbrady in the basement to keep him from finding all the bodies in the backyard...and she took his pants for some reason.

"Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!"

• Kyle gets fed up with Cartman and Liane singing nonstop on the way to Nebraska. He kicks Cartman's seat with enough force to propel him into the dash.
  Liane: Ooh! Careful, hon. These roads are bumpy.
  Cartman: I guess, damn!
• "No Jimmy this is MY pot pie! NO JIMMY THAT'S A BAD JIMMY!" At which point everyone in the Cartman family starts saying "BAD JIMMY" leaving Kyle and Stan incredibly unnerved.

"Gnomes"

• Underpants Gnomes.
  Underpants Gnome: "Phase One: Collect Underpants....Phase Two: ???....Phase Three: Profit!"
  Cartman: Oh, I get it.
  Stan: No you don't, fatass!
• Along with that was the Gnomes' (appropriately) horrified reactions at having dropped a mine-cart on top of Kenny, killing him, juxtaposed to the nonchalant way the other boys treat the event.
  Gnome: (as a cart is pushed off its track) Jesus Christ! Look out!
  (the cart crushes Kenny)
  Stan: Ohmygod theykilledKenny.
  Kyle: Youbastards. Listen, we have to give a huge speech tomorrow about corporate takeovers.
  Gnome: Holy shit! We killed your friend!
  Stan: Yeah-yeah-yeah, look. We gotta know about corporate takeovers tomorrow or we're screwed.
  Gnome: Christ, we squished him like a bug!
• Garrison losing his mind when the boys reveal they didn't write the first report.
• This dialogue, when Harbucks decide to leave town:
  Worker: But what will become of us?
  Postum: Oh, quit being so melodramatic, Sanchez. Jesus Christ!
• When the boys finally saw the Gnomes and try to communicate with one, Cartman starts whacking it with a stick.
  Cartman: Bad!
  Kyle: Cartman!
  Cartman: What?!
  Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
  Cartman: Well, look at him. He's all, you know, uh l-look at him.
  [Cartman resumes whacking]
  • Followed by the banter between Cartman and the Gnome, calling each other "pussy".

"Prehistoric Ice Man"

• The boys find a man frozen inside a block of ice at the bottom of a chasm. Dr Mephisto discovers that the man was frozen in the distant era of...1996. Yet everyone still treats him like a caveman who can't function in the advanced future of 1998. He even discovers that his wife has gotten remarried and somehow had two kids that are older than he has been gone. Eventually, the boys help him escape to Iowa which is apparently always two years behind on everything.
• Dr Mephisto keeping the Ice Man (his real name is Larry) in an enclosure like a zoo animal, where everything is kept like it's 1996, including a Fargo poster, and Ace of Base being played over the sound system.
• Larry freaking out over the Atlanta Falcons being in the Super Bowl.
• "Stinky Britches", as covered by Marilyn Manson.

Season 3

"Rainforest Schmainforest"

• The Getting Gay With Kids songs. You may not agree with the anti-environmental messages that they are preaching, but it really takes balls to be so mercilessly contrarian about an issue like conservation that most people heartily agree with.
• Mr. Mackey lecturing Craig, who has been sent to his office every day for bad behavior, before the latter randomly (and possibly sub consciously) flips him the bird mid sentence twice over.
  Mr. Mackey: I'll tell you what young man, you're gonna be held back a grade if you don - Did you just flip me off?!?
  Craig: No.
  • And when Mr. Mackey sends him outside, the four boys come in and Cartman shouts at Craig for flipping him off also.
• And right before that, Mr. Garrison's shouting at the boys when Cartman interrupts saying Jewish people don't have rhythm.
  Mr. Garrison: KYLE BROFLOVSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!! ERIC CARTMAN, YOU BE NICE TO PEOPLE!!! STAN MARSH, YOU MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! KENNY MCCORMICK, YOU PAY ATTENTION!!!
• Cartman smacking random animals with sticks to assert his authoritah, including a squirrel-monkey, three-toed sloth, and man-eating coral snake.
• Kenny is stuck by lightning, resulting in this exchange:
  Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  Kyle: You bastards!
  Kelly: What?! Who?! Who killed him?
  Stan: ...They did.
  Kelly: Who's "they"?!
  Stan: You know... They.
  Kyle: They're... They're bastards!

"Spontaneous Combustion"

• Kenny is the first of many to die from spontaneous combustion. The death was so sudden, that Stan and Kyle took a long pause starring at his charred corpse before saying their lines.
• While Kyle's dad is having...male difficulties...he hears this on the radio:
  Bob Dole: Having a hard time with male potency? Well, I don't, and I'm Bob Dole. What's wrong with you? Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up.
• Kyle is distraught that his parents are fighting about his dad not being able to get an erection. Being a kid, he doesn’t understand what an erection even is, and spends the whole episode trying to “find” one.
  Kyle: I wish I could get an erection so I can give it to my mom.
  Random Dude Walking By: What?
• The weird Scooby-Doo segment that occurs during the montage where Randy tries to figure out a solution to the combustion/global warming issue.
• "T. T is for turtle."
• The people stop holding in their farts in order to avoid spontaneously combusting. In one scene, Mr Mackey farts in front of Stan and Kyle and humorously claims that he had steaked wrapped in bacon the previous night. The boys disgustedly tells Mackey to go away, only to be skunked even worse by Mrs Cartman right after that.
  Liane: I was just at the store buying some apples.
  Stan: Apples?
  Liane: Yes apples. [Farts]
  Liane: [Laughs] Apples! Get it? [the boys cover their noses again]
  Stan: Dude!
  Kyle: Sick!
  Liane: Stinky apples! See you boys [Proceeds to leave]
  Stan: I don't think I like this new law.
  Liane: [Pops back into view] Squeaker! [Sticks her butt out and lets out a squeaky fart on the boys]
• Chef comes across a crucified Cartman:
  Chef: What the... Oh, what now?
  Cartman: Chef, Chef!
  Chef: Children, what the hell are you doin'?
  Cartman: Just get me down from here!
  [Chef does so]
  Cartman: Oh, finally, my arms are killing me!
  Chef: You children shouldn't be out crucifying yourselves in this heat!
  [Cut to Chef's car]
  Cartman: Sweet. Now I'm gonna go kill those guys!
  Chef: Eric, I have to tell you something and it's really gonna bum you out.
  Cartman: What?
  Chef: It's really gonna piss you off!
  Cartman: What?
  Chef: This is just a dream; you're still up on that cross!
  Cartman: [wakes up] Oh, damn it!
• At the end, Stan and Kyle remember Cartman's crucifixion:
  Stan: He's been up there for, like, three weeks!
  Kyle: Wow!
  Stan: That's amazing!
  Cartman: [high pitched] You guys, I am really pissed off now!
  Kyle: Dude, you're still alive, Cartman?
  Cartman: [high pitched] Get me down from here!
  Stan: Dude, you survived all this time on the fat stored up in your body?
  [cut to Cartman; he's virtually just skin and bones]
  Cartman: [high pitched] Yeah, and when I get down from here, I'm gonna kick you right in the nuts!

"Succubus"

• The boys meeting Chef's parents for the first time:
  Stan: So you're Chef's parents?
  Chef's Mom: Yes, all his life.
• Chef's dad telling his story with the Loch Ness monster is one of the show's most iconic scenes for a reason. It's so stupid and just keeps going and stays hilarious all the way out.
  Chef's Dad: “Well, it was about that time that I noticed this girl scout was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the Paleolithic era.”
• "I- I need about tree fiddy!"
• In the same episode, Cartman has an eye doctor who keeps insulting his weight and has dilated his eyes. They decide to ask Chef for advice in the cafeteria, with hilarious results.
  The Boys: Hey, Chef!
  Mr. Derp: Hello there, children!
  Cartman: Dude, my eyes are seriously screwed up, Chef looks like a skinny white dude.
• The fat jokes and Cartman constantly getting pissed at them in general. Hell, the sheer fact that the eye doctor determined Cartman's eyesight being impaired simply because he picked a picture showing a slice of chocolate cake over a picture showing an apple is a gutbuster by itself.
• The optometrist putting on the gas in the middle of Cartman's angry rant, causing him to teeter off into sleep.
  Optometrist: Boy, I bet his mother wishes she could do that.
• The implication Cartman's optometrist is the Loch Ness Monster when he asks if Cartman's got three dollars and fifty cents.
• The "Succubus Song" that has enslaved Chef is "The Morning After", by Mauren McGovern.
  • Oh, and the only way to break her power is to play the song backwards, AND sing the lyrics backwards. Stan and Kyle do okay, but then the tape jams, and the Succubus transforms into her demonic form, and ends up killing Kenny.
  Cartman: (with his eyes taped over from Lasic) What's going on, guys?! Is Kenny okay?!
  • The fact that Mr. Garrison, for all his painfully transpartent Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today? claims, was actually RIGHT about the Succubus enslaving Chef and brainwashing him, rather than it being a healthy relationship.

"Jakovasaurus"

• The town is left wondering where to keep the newfound creature, leading to this priceless gem:
  Mr. Garrison: I'll keep it at my house.
  Mayor McDaniels: No, Garrison, you'll just try to have sex with it.
  Mr. Garrison: What? How dare you say that!
  Mayor McDaniels: Garrison, you remember what happened to the wounded pigeon you were supposed to take care of?
  Mr. Garrison: Oh c'mon, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.
• And of course, the contest between Officer Barbrady and Jakovasaur - Jakovasaur is too dumb to win a contest rigged in his favor, and Barbrady is too dumb to let him win.
• In the beginning, Cartman's taking a dump in the woods and asks to borrow Kenny's glove. Kenny obliges, right before realizing what Cartman plans to do with it and shouts "No way!"
  • The boys head off to find Jakov... and then Kyle steps in Cartman's shit.
  Kyle: Cartman! You're supposed to bury it!
• The subplot with Jimbo finding a new voicebox for Ned after he lost the old one, especially the part where Jimbo accidentally orders an Irish voicebox.
• Cartman's "I hate you guys" song.

"Tweek vs. Craig"

• All of the live-action scenes involving Mr. Adler's dead lover, including the part where blood randomly bursts out of the airplane controls and splatters all over her face as she's screaming.
• When Mr. Adler attempts suicide by lying down on a slow-moving conveyor belt taking him toward the shop class buzz saw, then suddenly gets up and has an epiphany at the last minute... which causes him to lie back down so it'll get him headfirst.
  Mr. Adler: Good-bye, cruel world. (sits up, then has an epiphany) Jesus Christ! What was I thinking?! (goes back to lying down, this time, headfirst) That would have hurt like hell!
• The entire plot of the episode consists of the boys trying to set Tweek and Craig up to fight each other, and it taking forever because the two don't have any actual grievances toward each other. When they finally do end up in a fight, neither of them know HOW to, so Cartman takes Craig to be taught sumo, while Stan has his Uncle Jimbo teach Tweek to box.
  Jimbo: PUNCH HIM IN THE BALLS, TWEEK!
  • At the end of the episode, Tweek and Craig are in the hospital after their fight when the other kids come in to apologize for making up all those rumors just to get them to fight each other, and proceed to leave... with the fact that Tweek and Craig are both sissies.
  Tweek & Craig: What?!
  Stan: Well, I mean, that's what was on the news.
  Craig: WHAT was on the news?
  Cartman: Oh, you didn't see it? Oh, Tweek's family was on the news saying what a wuss you are, Craig.
  Craig: Huh?!
  Kyle: Yeah, and then Craig's family came on and said Tweek was the wuss, and then punched Tweek's mom in the hooters.
  Tweek: Ah! You son of a bitch! (pounces on Craig, and the fighting starts again, which ends up destroying their hospital room.)
  Craig: I'm gonna kick your ass!
  Stan: Come on, Tweek! You got him!
  Cartman: Sumo technique, Craig, Sumo technique! (Shouts Japanese-sounding gibberish)
• Lets not forget the fact that Tweek and Craig would eventually start dating.

"Sexual Harassment Panda"

• The "We Don't Take Kindly To ____" guys, especially when they manage to make themselves the victims of their own Insane Troll Logic.
  Skeeter: We don't take kindly to panda bears!
  Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you!
  Random Guy: We don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here!
  Beat
  Everyone looks at each other in confusion
  • Reaches its peak at the very end.
    Skeeter: HEY! Beautiful lady! (the woman stops and looks at him curiously) We don't take kindly to your kind around here.
    Bartender: Goddammit, Skeeter.
• From the mini-commentary for this episode, Trey Parker and Matt Stone reveal that they have absolutely no memory of making the episode, they were just that exhausted from making South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

"Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery"

• Cartman pranking Kyle by voicing his dead grandmother. Even Stan thought it was funny.
• Korn unleashing their Korn powers....which just has them turning into various corn products.
• Wendy winning the Halloween costume contest AGAIN, despite just wearing the same damn Chewbacca mask from season 1.
• Cartman thinking the Antonio Banderas blow up doll his mom bought is a Christmas present for him.

"Chinpokomon"

• The spoof toy ads the boys watch. Alabama Man in particular Crosses the Line Twice.
• Cartman's attempt at taking Kenny's Pengin doll in the toy store.
• The Chinpokomon anime, which features little more than the blond Ash-Expy rambling about getting all the Chinpokomon to become "Royal Crown Chinpoko Master", with dialogue spoken at Speed Racer-levels of fast and in broken English with some Department of Redundancy Department sprinkled in.
  • The "fight scene" between Lambtron and Furrycat which features about as much choreography as two children hitting their action figures together.
• The Chinpokomon video game, which turns out to be a Pearl Harbor bombing simulator with constant reminders to the players to buy more Chinpokomon.
• When the children all attend the Chinpoko-Camp, they are trained to do Japanese language exercises and end up speaking Japanese with Animesque expressions the day after, much to the adults' annoyance. The adults end up with the same kind of expressions as well while pretending to like Chinpokomon themselves in order to break their children out of the Chinpokomon fad, as Sharon states that "Anything we like is instantly not cool." And it works!
• As a Bilingual Bonus, the kids referring to Mr. Garrison as Garrison-san. To the Japanese, for a student not to refer to a teacher as "sensei" is incredibly insulting.
• The Running Gag involving the Chinpokomon execs distracting the men by complementing them on their huge American penises. This results in one of them trying it on Sharon, at which point the other exec slaps him for the screw-up. When Sharon calls him out on the tactic, he promptly drops his pants — and based on her reaction, he wasn't lying about having a small penis.

"Hooked on Monkey Fonics"

• Cartman's Epic Fail spelling of the word "chair", which he spells as "chare".
• Similarly, Kyle's word to spell that gets him eliminated: krocsyldiphithic.
  Kyle: Definition?
  Mayor: Something which has a krocsyldiph-like quality.
  Kyle: Uh, could you use it in a sentence?
  Mayor: Certainly. "Krocsyldiphithic" is a hard word to spell.
  Kyle: "Krocsyldiphithic."
  Jimbo: You can do it, kid! You can do it!
  Kyle: "Krocsyldiphic." C-(buzzer cuts him off)-Dammit!
  Jimbo: You little bastard! You've screwed me over for the last time! Why don't you run of and join the circus, you- (cuts off as several townspeople haul him off)
• Surely the monkey "spanking the monkey" deserves some recognition?
• Cartman Waxing Lyrical about the fact that Mark and Rebecca are home-schooled:
  Cartman: [singing] Who would have thought such a miracle could be? Who could have known that this moment I would see? A new way of living, a chance to be free?
  Stan: Shut up, Cartman!
  Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] butthole.
  Stan: You shut up, [backhand slap] gay wad!
  Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] ass-logger!
  Mark: [astonished] Oh my goodness, are you two enemies?
  Stan: N-no, we're friends.
  Mark: Strange, friends would call each other names and fight.
• Kenny's death. Fonics Monkey goes randomly ballistic and beats Kenny to death and throws him all around Cartman's room.
  Stan: Oh my God! Fonics Monkey killed Kenny!
  Cartman: You're damn straight he did.

"Red Badge of Gayness"

• How Cartman would always end his messages with talking about how much he hates Stan and Kyle.
• And of course his rampant Loophole Abuse at the end of the episode, where he says that he doesn't have to be Stan and Kyle's slave for a month because slavery is illegal. Even President Clinton agreed with him!

"Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics"

• The "I saw three ships" segment starts off with Shelly Marsh singing and playing the song on the piano, all while Stan and Kyle sit on the sofa behind her. They then start making silly faces and laughing at each other, which ticks off Shelly multiple times, until it convinces her to shut them up once and for all...
  Shelly: Shelly is starting to get pissed on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day; Shelly got up and killed the turds, on Christmas Day in THE MORNI-I-I-I-NG!!!! (Picks up and slams the piano right on top of Stan and Kyle before walking away!)
• Santa Claus getting jealous of Jesus while they're singing Christmas songs together because there are "like 300" Christmas songs about Jesus and only four about him.
  Santa: Fuck you, Jesus! *Starts to walk off the stage*

"World Wide Recorder Concert"

• Mr. Garrison chews out the children for not practicing with their recorders. Cartman chides in that Kyle practices his fingering all night long and that his mom says he's best at it, with Kenny laughing hysterically.
• We have Yoko Ono's hilarious Intentional Engrish for Funny, and... the brown noise.
• The subplot of Mr. Garrison confronting his father, Mr. Garrison Sr., over the fact that Mr. Garrison 'wasn't' molested by his father growing up.
• Mr. Mackey getting into a fight with Mr. Hat on the school bus. The fight continues even when the puppet is transferred to Mr. Mackey's hand. Mr. Hat wins.

Season 4

"The Tooth Fairys Tats 2000"

• This first episode introduces us to Timmy by way of yanking out Kenny's tooth with his wheelchair. When he does attempt it, Kenny pops out of his parka naked where you can only see his back.
  Cartman: Hahahahahaha. Hey, you guys, I can see Kenny's little ping-a-ling, hahahahahaha.
• When the boys decide to steal Butters' tooth, they get Cartman to masquerade as the tooth fairy
  Cartman: (in a falsetto voice) Do not open your eyes until morning, or else I will kick you in the nuts. Square in the nuts.
• Kyle's family are the token Jews of South Park, but their devoutness is put into question:
  Kyle: Dad, there is so a tooth fairy, huh?
  Gerald: What? Oh. Kyle, let's have a little talk.
  Kyle: Oh my God! You did lie to me.
  Gerald: No. Kyle, she's just make-believe. Like Peter Pan.
  Kyle: Peter Pan, too?
  Gerald: Kyle...
  Kyle: What about Moses and Abraham?
  Gerald: Well, they were probably real.
  Kyle: Probably?! Is Atlantis real?
  Gerald: Probably not. (Kyle loses his shit)
• This moment, when the sting operation is being set up:
  Mr. Foley: If this sting operation works, some bogus tooth fairies should be showing up to take the sick kid's money. When they touch the kid's pillow, an alarm will sound, and that's when you hit the button, Murphy, and activate the lights. Everybody got it?
  Dentists: Got it!
  Murphy: (fake dumb voice) Duuuh, which button do I hit again, boss? (Beat) Just kidding. You know how there's always the dumb guy in sting operations in the movies? I was, you know I was acting, I was acting like him.

"Cartman's Silly Little Hate Crime 2000"

• The entirety of the "high-speed chase" with Cartman and Kenny in a Go-Go Action Bronco against the entire South Park (and possibly state) police force. Two great moments of snark in particular:
  Stan: What are they doing?
  Kyle: Don't worry, dude. That little truck just runs on D batteries. It's gonna run out of juice soon.
  • The Police set up a barricade to prevent them from escaping. That's where the following dialogue takes place:
    Officer 1: Alright that's far enough. Stop the Go-Go Action Bronco and come out with your hands up.
    (the Go-Go Action Bronco is still moving forward slowly)
    Officer 1: Just bring it to a stop and come on out.
    (it's still moving forward slowly)
    Officer 1: JESUS, HE'S GONNA RAM IT!
    (the police panic and duck out of the way as the Go-Go Action Bronco slowly but somehow passes through the barricade of police cars and slowly goes forward)
    Officer 2: Crazy son of a bitch...
  • And Kyle's reaction to how overblown this whole thing is:
    Kyle: What the Hell are they doing?
• After Cartman gets sent to prison, the boys take a vote on who will be the designated fatass in his wake, settling on Clyde, meaning Clyde is ecstatic when Cartman comes back.
• The boys try to send Cartman a cake with a file in it, but he fails to pick up on the hints about an "ail-nay ile-fay". Then Cartman informs them he's not allowed to take things back to his cell, meaning all their work was completely moot anyway. This drives Kyle to go into a furious rant, still in Pig Latin.
  Kyle: It took us our-fay ours-hay to bake this oddamn-gay ake-cay, and now we're otally-tay ewed-scray!

"Timmy 2000"

• "Timmy 2000" has the Doctor who deals with kids who have ADD by hitting them and yelling "SIT DOWN AND STUDY!".
• The pharmacists having a My God, What Have I Done? moment after giving out a ton of Ritalin to the kids because they now like Phil Collins because of the Ritalin.
• Phil Collins being thrown around the audience at the Lalapalalapaza concert with the Oscar being shoved up his ass.
  Phil Collins: Put me down, you filthy bastards! AAAHH!

"Quintuplets 2000"

(the crowd exits the tent)
Kyle: Those contorting Romanian chicks rule.
Cartman: Yeah, especially that second one from the left. She was fine!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?! They're identical!
Cartman: Not that second one from the left! She had it going on!

"Cartman Joins NAMBLA"

• Cartman decides that he wanted to make friends with adults, so he does a google search for "Old men who like young boys."
  • One of those adult users is HungDaddy, who claims (his penis size) to be 8.5 inches. Cartman, however, thinks that the user meant it as his height, and comes to the conclusion that HungDaddy is a dwarf.
  Cartman: Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with midgets. Midgets piss me off.
• The icing on the cake would have to be the chase scene near the end of the episode between the boys, NAMBLA, the other NAMBLA (North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes), the FBI, Kenny and his parents, a French waiter, a poodle balancing on a ball, and two gents on old-fashioned penny-farthings, all set to "Page d'Ecriture", a silly French children's song.
  • "Sacre BLEU!!"
• Stan and Kyle calling out the head of NAMBLA's moral on how people should be accepting of everyone, by stating that, while they believe in tolerance and equality for all, child molesters don't count because they physically and mentally hurt children.
  Kyle: Dude. You have sex. With. Children.
  Stan: Yeah, you know, we believe in equality for everyone and tolerance and all that gay stuff, but dude: Fuck you.
  Kyle: Seriously!
• The scene with the FBI busting in on the wrong NAMBLA meeting: the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.
  Security: Oh crap, we've got the wrong NAMBLA!
  Mr. Garrison: Oh dammit, I'm in the wrong place! (heads out)
• The Humiliation Conga Stuart goes through.
  Stuart: Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, and been made love to in the ass by three dozen 40-year-old men! I just wanna go home and take a-a hot bath!
• At the NAMBLA welcome banquet, one of the pedophiles announces he's found the "dream boy of the decade", describing him as "sexy, sassy, and full of spunk". Said boy is Timmy.
  • And Timmy's reaction, which is the Pokémon Speak equivalent of "Wait, what?"
• The John Denver Experience.

"Cherokee Hair Tampons"

• Stan, Cartman and Kenny's fake name prank on the substitute. While Wendy is correct in theory that it isn't that funny, the over the top laughter from the Boys makes it funnier than it should be.
• There's a live-action ad for the titular product which is disturbingly graphic in dialogue:
  Daughter: Mom... Do you ever have those heavy flow days?
  Mother: Oh absolutely sweetheart, everybody does.
  Daughter: Mom, remember the movie The Shining where the elevator doors are opening up...
• Followed by the family dog playing with a Cherokee hair tampon that's recently been used. You know it's been used because the dog attacks it in a frenzy.
• Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison writes a romance novel, which manages to include the word "penis" over 6,000 times. When the publishing company tells him that they consider it gay, he argues that "women want to read about big, powerful schlongs!"
• When Mr Garrison is fired from teaching due to the events of Cartman Joins NAMBLA, he puts his badge and gun on the table.
  Mr Garrison: I suppose you want my badge and gun.
  Board Member: Mr Garrison, most teachers do not carry a gun!
  Mr Garrison: So I can just keep it then?

"Chef Goes Nanners"

• Mr. Wyland revealing the results of past debates and the student's reactions.
  Mr. Wyland: I see that you've already had a lot of interesting debates this year. [points to a chart with three debates on it] Pro-Choice vs. Cartman, Pro-Gun Control vs. Cartman, a-and People Against the Clubbing of Baby Seals vs. Cartman. And apparently, the winner of all your debates so far has been… Cartman.
  Cartman: Thaaat's ri-ight.
  Kyle: Cartman doesn't always win! He just gets pissed off and goes home so we can't debate anymore!
  Class: [including Timmy] Yeah.
  Cartman: Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than you guys!
  Stan: You don't even know what you're debating about half the time!
  Cartman: Yes I do!
  Craig: No you don't!
  Cartman: Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm going home! (rises from his seat, heads for the door, and exits)
  Kyle: Told ya.
• The Wendy x Cartman romance subplot.
• "Well, now that that's out of the way, it is time to play 'Who's Got The Silliest Thing On Under Their Robe!'"
• Kenny gorges on what appear to be mints at Mr. Broflovski's office and leaves to get a drink of water after finishing the bowl. Mr. Broflovski comes in and says the bowl had antacid tablets, not mints. Kenny takes one sip from the water cooler and explodes in a mess of fizz and blood. After the initial Oh, Crap! moment, everyone else in the room finds it hilarious.
  Stan: [laughs] That was a good one!

"Something You Can Do With Your Finger"

• Wendy's song.
• Cartman's dream sequence of him singing the "Fingerbang" song.
• Randy's trying to stop Stan from part of Fingerbang, even going so far as suggesting that Stan should try marijuana instead of being in a boy band.
• Ike auditions for the boy band, but is repeatedly told by Cartman he's not getting in. Ike responds by giving Cartman the finger.
• At one point, after telling Cartman about the Garmlich effect, Chef tells him that a cucumber in the pants don't hurt either. Cut to the school playground, and Cartman has literally put a cucumber in his pants and it stays that way for the whole scene.
• The video shooting scene. As the boys walk past the girls, the Garmlich effect didn't have the intended effect that Cartman was expecting, as he expected the girls to go crazy for someone like Leonardo DiCaprio, but the girls have a preference for Matt Lauer.
  • And when they try shooting the video again by making the girls pretend the boys walking are Matt Lauer, the girls scream at the top of their lungs and startle the boys.
    Cartman: JESUS CHRIST!

"Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?"

• Saddam's entrance.
  Satan: Just put the boxes by the—
  Saddam: HELLO, Satan!
  Satan: Saddam.
  Saddam: Did you miss me, buttercup?
  Satan: No, it can't be! You're dead! I killed you!
  Saddam: Yeah, you killed me! So? Where was I gonna go, Detroit?
  Satan: Oh no. Oh God, no!
• The boys talking to the nun about Communion.
  Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?
  Sister Anne: No.
  Stan: But the crackers are his... body.
• And later:
  Stan: No, no, no, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat him.

"Probably"

• Chris trying to have a word with Saddam.
  Chris: Saddam, I get the feeling that you don't like me very much.
  Saddam: Gee, whatever gave you that idea? When I stabbed you in the head?
• Satan goes to heaven to ask God for relationship advice, God's reaction is priceless.
  God: Jesus, what the hell happened to you?
  Satan: Huh?
  God: You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel, now you're a whiny little bitch.

"Trapper Keeper"

• Ike's proud announcement of "I POOP my PANTS!" The kid voicing him was clearly enjoying that line read.
• The subplot involves Mr. Garrison and the class president election, which ends up turning into a parody of the 2000 presidential election controversy.
  • "I gotta go doodie!"
• Mr. Garrison's reaction to Rosie O'Donnell.

"Helen Keller: The Musical!"

• The kindergarteners' Thanksgiving play.

"Fat Camp"

• Stan wanted to know what a prostitute is after Jesus considered Kenny a prostitute (but not in the sexual sense, in more of the "doing anything anyone can do for money" sense):
  Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
  Chef: (Beat) Dagnabbit, children! How come every time you come in here, you have to ask me questions I shouldn't be answering? "Chef, what's a clitoris?" "What's a lesbian, chef?" "How come they call it a 'rim job', chef?" For once, can't you just come in here and say, "Hi, Chef! Nice day, isn't it?"
  Stan: Hi, Chef! Nice day, isn't it?
  Chef: It sure is, thank you!
  Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
• After some protestations, Chef gave the kids a response in song, accompanied by James Taylor, before being cut short by a shocked Principal Victoria appearing.
  Chef: (Beat) James Taylor, what the hell are you doing in here, singing about prostitutes to the children? Get outta here! [Principal Victoria just glares at Chef] ...These children tricked me!
• Cartman getting tricked by the ice cream man during his escape from fat camp.
• Cartman sobbing and eating a doughnut after being banned from fat camp.
• In the last thirty seconds of the episode, after "Kenny" is killed by the pressure of Ms. Krabtree's uterus, a second, unknown dead kid falls out, prompting the host to ask "Who's that?". Then the episode ends.

"A Very Crappy Christmas"

• The entire premise of the episode, the boys making the The Spiritof Christmas short that led to the creation of South Park.
• Kyle calls Stan in the middle of the night to get him to grab Cartman and Kenny and meet Kyle at the bus stop to start the search for Mr. Hankey. Stan can only speak in tired gibberish.
• The boys and the nuggets try Christmas Caroling to get people in the Christmas Spirit. Cartman is Santa, the others are his reindeer. He doesn't exactly win the townsfolk over:
  Cartman: Merry Christmas assholes!
• Mr. Hankey's drunk, pill addicted wife Autumn steals every scene she is in. From her constant mentioning of her husbands erictile dysfuntion, to her hitting on a Mayor's Aide, she is South Park Dark Comedy at it's finest.
• The boys are inspired to make their own animated movie after watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. The last shot of the scene is Snoopy beating a naked and bloody Charlie Brown with a 2x4, something that was definitely not in the real version.
• Butters makes the cutouts, but his paper avatar is rejected. Left alone, Butters plays with his cutout and a naked Barbie. She asks Butters if he wants to "Slap [her] titties around" but Butters says no he'll get in trouble again, put thems away and twiddles his thumbs.
• The Disney-esque "Circle of Poo" song, complete with Vocal Dissonance in Cornwallis' singing voice.
  • Mr. Hankey later claims the song had no meaing, it was just to get his son to stop bitching. A funny enough line, but if true and not said out of frustration, that's a lot of effort to get Cornwallis to stop complaining.
• Stan doing Cartman's voice, especially the fact he gets a double chin while doing it.
• The Spoof Aesop of Christmas being about spending money.
• Kenny getting run over by the car in the middle of one of the the songs. Stan decides to write his death into the film.

Season 5

"It Hits The Fan"

• The HBC President's completely flat, disinterested call for security, after an armored knight strides in and beheads a fellow board member. When he's had enough of the Knights of Standards and Practices' interfering with his network, he balks against their warnings by unleashing a Cluster S-Bomb that awakens Geldan.
  HBC President: Listen, Mr. Shiny Pants! I am the head of this network, and I will say "Shit" all I want! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! (Suddenly, the ground quakes and Geldan emerges from underneath, breathing fire all over the set) Oh, shit!
• Throughout the episode, Cartman constantly mocks Kyle's warning about making "Shit" an everyday word by telling him that he has sand in his vagina. At the end of the episode, when the boys and Chef confront Geldan:
  Cartman: Oh, boy! That thing has really got sand in ''its'' vagina!
  • This one is a gem too.:
  Cartman: You guys, look here. In this Nancy Drew mystery, Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe. This could explain how Kyle got it in his vagina!
  Kyle: Cartman, this is serious!
  Cartman: So am I, Kyle. If that sand in your vagina doesn't get released, you could become a walking time bomb.

• When Kyle defeats Geldan with the Rune Stone, Geldan expresses his defeat in a way no one could have imagined:
  Geldan (Cartman-eqsue voice): Aw, dude, lame. Lame. Bummer, dude.
  Cartman: What a stupid voice.

"Cripple Fight"

• Big Gay Al's friend who plays the piano. He plays a sad tune for Al while he's putting his Scout stuff away after being kicked out and is asked to play a tune that says "I'm going to put all this behind me!".
  Al's friend: (Plays an upbeat tune) Oh I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me!
  Big Gay Al: (Facepalm) Oh... Jesus, Mark...
• Upon learning that the scout master is Big Gay Al, Stuart is worried about having a gay being in charge of the kids. Randy assured him that it won't have bad consequences, but his son's off-remark towards Cartman gives him second thought:
  Stan (to Cartman): Don't say "use him", you big silly goose.
  (Randy stops the car)
  Randy: WHAT did you say?!
  Stan: I just...called Cartman a name. He's a silly goose.
  Stuart: Uh-huh...
  Randy: You do NOT say "big silly goose"! You call him an asshole like a normal kid!
  Stan: Dad, I was just trying to-
  Randy: Stanley, you call your friend an asshole this instant!
  Stan: ...Asshole.
  Randy: That's better.
  Cartman (muttering): Don't call me an asshole, you son of a bitch.
• Timmy tries to get Jimmy killed by giving him an orange parka similar to Kenny's. Even better, it almost works!
• "CRIPPLE FIGHT!"
• Gloria Allred's speech when the Mountain Scouts are forced to allow gays back in.
  Gloria Allred: Today is a great day for democracy. The Scouts have been exposed for the vile gay bashers they are^note The elder scouts are put in stocks with the word "homophobe" written underneath each of them while the crowd hurls rocks at them., and we owe it all to me, and these six brave little boys.
  (an eagle swoops in and snatches Kenny away)
  Gloria Allred: Five brave little boys.
• At the end of the episode, Timmy gets Jimmy kicked out of Scouts by photoshopping Jimmy's face into a picture of two naked men embracing.

"Super Best Friends"

• Butters is asked by a Blainetology Speaker about how happy he is:
  Blainetology Speaker: Ask yourselves, are you happy?
  Butters: I don't think I'm happy... I fall asleep to the sound of my own screams... Then, I wake up to the sound of my own screams. (completely sincere) Do you think I'm happy?
  • Made funnier by the look on the guy's face. He looks incredibly uncomfortable, like he's got a script and that's not on it.
• Matt and Trey taking a jab at their own art style with Stan talking to the other kids while their heads are shaven.
  Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
  Butters: I'm not Kyle. I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
  Stan: No, I'm Stan.
  Kyle: You're Stan?! Where's Kenny?!
  Stan: Who're you?
  Kyle: I'm Kyle!
  Cartman: Heh heh! Guess who I am, you guys!
  • Then, when Stan tries to drag Kyle out of Blainetology...
    Kyle: Don't call Mr. Blaine a gaywad! He's a brilliant man!
    Stan: No, they've just convinced you that he's a brilliant man! Let's go!
    Kyle: I'm not going anywhere!
    Stan: Goddammit, I'm not going with you! I wanna stay here!
    Kyle: Huh? I thought you wanted to leave.
    Stan: Oh, wait. Who am I again?
    Kyle: You're Stan.
    Stan: O-Oh, yeah. One sec. (puts on his hat)
• When the Blainetology demonstrations reach the White House, we get a cameo from the cast of That's My Bush!.
  Larry the Neighbor: Hey Georgie! What's goin' on?

"Scott Tenorman Must Die"

• "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout. Oink oink oink, oink oink oink."
• Cartman shouting to the sky after being ripped off by Scott:
  Cartman: Noooooooooo! ...You'll diiiiiiiiiie! ...Damn youuuuuuuuuu!
• Cartman watching Scott with Jimbo and Ned and getting angry about his freckles and his red hair.
  • Cartman saying Radiohead is the band who sings Creep.
• Ned "jackin' it" to Mrs. Tenorman's boobs and being caught by Mr. Tenorman.
  Mr. Tenorman: Don't think I don't see you! I know who you are and I'm calling the police!
  (Ned, Jimbo, along with a dozen men, jump out of the bushes and run away)
• The scene where Kenny literally dies laughing. It's even the trope picture for the main page!
• Cartman's first attempt to get revenge on Scott is little more than screening an interview with Radiohead with his own voice poorly dubbed over the members. Scott one-ups him by playing footage of the aforementioned "little piggy" routine (which, naturally, required no editing on Scott's part).
• Radiohead proves to be very funny, if for no other reason than you don't expect a serious, melancholy band like them to say the kind of things they do.
  Thom Yorke: Dude! Didn't you read the letter? The boy has cancer! IN HIS ASS.
• Stan and Kyle try to warn Scott of Cartman's plan:
  Kyle: We just wanna warn you: Eric Cartman, the fourth grader, is goin' to try and trick you somehow into getting your wiener bitten off by a pony who lives at Denkins' ranch.
  Scott: How do you know?
  Kyle: 'Cause we're his friends.
  Scott: Then why are you telling me?
  Kyle: 'Cause we hate him.
• The scene where Cartman literally licks Scott's tears after he realizes that he ate his own parents. It gets even funnier when the band Radiohead calls him a crybaby. And to top it all off, Cartman gives a Porky Pig-style ending.
• In the commentary, Trey Parker and Matt Stone talked about driving to a Radiohead concert that happened to be nearby to get the band to record their dialogue. Matt noted the surreal nature of telling lead singer Thom Yorke to "emote more."

"Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow"

• The mechanic sketch at the beginning of the episode is funny in and of itself, but it's all the funnier when you have Stan and Kyle reciting it off by heart as they watch it.
  Phillip: I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage?
  Terrance: Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go down to [releases a long and loud fart that drowns out his directions], and that's how you...
  Stan, Kyle and Kenny: [in perfect sync with Terrance] - get to the auto garage!
  Phillip: Could you tell me how to get to the auto garage without farting?
  Terrance: Sure! You go the same way...
  Kyle: [in sync with Terrance] - except stick your finger up your ass.
  Phillip: No, no, no! I mean, could you tell me the directions again without you farting?
  Terrance: Oh! Sure! Just stick your finger up my ass.
  Phillip: Alright, no problem, buddy. [Phillip sticks his finger up Terrance's butt] Now tell me, how do I get to the auto garage to see a mechanic?
  Terrance: [suddenly wearing a mechanic's hat and holding a wrench] You're at the auto garage. I am the mechanic.
  Phillip: Why the heck didn't you tell me you were the mechanic?
  Stan: Because I had an itch up my ass.
  Terrance: Because I had an itch up my ass! [Terrance and Phillip laugh]
• The live show is made all the more awkward when it transpires that Terrance has put on a significant amount of weight and Phillip is portrayed by an obvious impostor.
• The "Who Farted" routine.

"Cartmanland"

• This memorable quote: "Kenny? He dies all the time!"

"Proper Condom Use"

• Two words: Red Rocket.
• The highlight is arguably Mr. Garrison's sex-ed lesson to a class of kindergartners. It's...less than age appropriate, to say the least.
• The viewers gradually saw Butters this season, but arguably the moment you realise he's going to be one of the leads is when the girls and boys parody Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. He's the one driving the center pedal car and wearing a hockey mask, and he's given the main joke to coin it...
  Cartman: Here, talk to them, Butters.
  Butters: [lifts up his mask] Uh, me? Huh, what the heck am I supposed to say?
  Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
  Butters: [lowers his mask and speaks into the mike, using a deep raspy voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
  Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.

"Towelie"

• There's this bit when the guys are trying to break into the headquarters where they think their Okama Gamesphere is.
  Cartman: You just have no long-term memory because you get high all the time!
  Towelie: Don't preach to me, fatso!
  Cartman: I can preach to you all I want 'cause you're stupid!
  Towelie: You're stupid!
  Cartman: Yeah, well, you're a towel!
  Towelie: YOU'RE a towel!
• Stan gives Towelie a lighter, hoping that by getting high, he'll remember the combination to the compound's entrance. Towelie starts randomly entering keys and recalls that he's just played the melody to "Funkytown".

"Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants"

• When the boys are accidentally sent to Afghanistan after they drop off Stan's goat in a cargo plane, Kyle freaks out over how awful their situation is until Cartman makes it even worse.
  Stan: Dude, it looks like we're going to... Afghanistan. (The boys gasp)
  Kyle: Going to Afghanistan? Trapped in a small space for 20 hours? How could things get any worse? (Cartman farts and they boys groan in response)
  Cartman: (Chuckling) Oh, you guys.
  • The next day, they boys manage to get off of the plane, still suffocating from Cartman's bullshit the night before.
  Kyle: Oh, god, it was horrible!
  Stan: 20 hours!
  Kenny: Oh, God, it stinks like shit!! (The goat bleats)
  Pilot: What the hell?
  Kyle: Cartman farted in there! We had to breathe it in for 20 hours!
  Cartman: It didn't smell that bad; you guys are overreacting.
  Pilot: (leans in and sniffs) I don't smell any— Oh! Oh, God! (begins choking) Auhhgh! (looks away) Blagh! (convulses) Bleeaagghh!!! (throws up twice and passes out)
  Cartman: Oh, whatever.
  Kyle: You son of a bitch, Cartman! You don't fart when you're locked in a small space with other people!
  Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry! Next time, I'll just ask my fart nicely if it wouldn't mind staying tucked away for a while!
• Cartman's increasing annoyance at Stan for dragging him along to Afghanistan.
  Stan: Oh, look, he's following us, it's so sad.
  Cartman: (shoots a Death Glare at Stan) God, I hate you so much, Stan.
  Stan: What?
• When the boys are captured by the Taliban:
  Cartman: (to the Taliban) Look, I can explain everything. You see, my friend Stan here is an oversensitive animal lover. He got a boner for this goat—
• Cartman's battle with Osama bin Laden - another moment in the style of Looney Tunes, BTW. Yes, it was mainly used to rally the country after 9/11, but it's still funny along with being a Crowning Moment of Awesome.

"The Entity"

• Kyle tries to coax Cartman with the promise of forty dollars as long as Cartman doesn't make fun of his Woody Allen-esque, stereotypical Jewish cousin Kyle Schwartz. But even money can't stop Cartman from being himself, no matter how hard he tries not to.
  Kyle Schwartz: Are wooden desks all that available? I usually prefer the plastic ones because these give me splinters.
  Cartman (clearly in agony from withholding insults): Ugh!
  Ms. Choksondik: I'm sorry, Kyle, you'll just have to make do. Now, let's get back to the les—
  Kyle Schwartz: Is it cold in here? I realize we're in the Mountains, but do we have to freeze to death?
  Ms. Choksondik: Now, Kyle, I need you to be quiet. In my class, you need to be able to concentrate.
  Cartman: Oh!
  Ms. Choksondik: Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
  Cartman: Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp! AUGH! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
  Kyle: CARTMAN!
  • And the Brick Joke - when Kyle Schwartz finds out about this, he's in disbelief... because he figures Kyle should have been able to get Cartman down to $12.50 for it.
    Kyle: ...Oh, dude.

"Kenny Dies"

• While most of the episode falls under Tear Jerker, the visit from the Make-A-Wish Foundation got a couple of fairly good laughs.
  Laura: What did he say?
  Kyle: He said his wish is to not die.
  (Beat)
  *The cameraman pans from Kenny's bed to the Make-A-Wish people and back*
  Laura: ...ooo-kay, and what if you're gonna have two wishes, what would the second one be?
  Bob: I know! I bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
  Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself. (Beat)
  Madonna: Should I come in now?
  *Bob quietly but frantically gestures her back into the hallway*
• Cartman saying "You're breaking my balls." to get better deals, and instructing Butters to do the same in his place, who does so in the most monotone voice imaginable.
• Chef's explanation for why God lets bad things happen: so that way he can make people cry, and in turn drink their tears which is the source of his powers.

"Butters' Very Own Episode"

• Butters telling his mom about everything he saw dad do.
  Butters: He saw a movie called Fisting Firemen 9. I never saw 1 through 8, but it must've been short, 'cause he came out 10 minutes later, and he also came out with some tissues, so the movie must've really gotten to him. Poor guy.
  Linda: And what did Daddy do after that?
  Butters: He went to a bathhouse called the White Swallow, and I saw him wrestlin' with a bunch o' guys. One guy had him pinned down for 30 minutes.

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