"I've got Korean Tourists today, and they love Asian Elvis." "Thank you, thank you very much."
When Half-Sack beats him up backstage, Asian Elvis stays in character.
Tara's idea of a Wife-beater onesie for Abel
Double funny when you realize that this is an actual piece of SOA Merchandise.
"I love you." "You should."
"Jesus is just a guy who cuts my lawn."
"He's right, it had to be La Roy. He's gotta die. Like, a lot."
Then there's the cleaner guy who disposes of Amelia (the caregiver) after her accidental death. "What body?"
Later on in season 4, when Clay confronts Piney, he's reading a Stephen King book!
Tara's reaction to Half Sack's infected nutbag, followed by Clay, Bobby, and Tigg.
Jax suggest to the club they make porn movies. Clay, whose only interest is in guns and killing, is against it but knows it's a lost battle. With a Face Palm he asks the obvious question.
Clay: All in favor, like I gotta ask.
Bobby: Everyone loves pussy.
Opie: I second that.
Tig: I'm a big fan of pussy.
Episode 3 of season four. Some black kids stole some guns from the Sons, and before the club can catch them they're pulled over by cops. Kozick shoots at the cops and drives off to lead them away, and the kids slump down in the car, high-fiving and just generally acting relieved. Then motorcycles surround them, Opie and Tig draw guns, and Jax ducks down into the window.
Jax: (smiling) License and registration, please.
Episode 6 of season 4. Someone stole something from the club, and when they find the person in possession of the stolen object, he's shot and killed. After which, Happy unloads the rest of the clip into his dead body.
Chibs: (deadpan) Did you get him?
And from the same episode:
Gemma: This is why mothers should drown baby girls.
Bobby's WTF face at that comment really sells the funny.
Season 4's "Family Recipe" with Chucky hiding one of the heads in the pot of Chili and Gemma's reaction to discovering what he did all while having to hide this from the two cops sitting in the clubhouse. Probably doubles as a good amount of Squick too.
Chucky: Hang on, Gemma. Hang on. It's not ready. Gemma. Hey!
Gemma (stirs Chili and the head pops up): Hey! Did you follow the recipe?
Chucky:I had to add a few things of my own.
Gemma: I can see that. Take it to Happy, I think he likes it that hot.
If you look closely, there was a funny moment hidden in a particularly dramatic scene during the season 3 finale. As Piney, Opie, Chibs, and Kozik ride a schoolbus to find Jimmy and Stahl, you get a good chuckle when see Chibs eating a PB&J and drinking from a juice box. Then you get good laugh when you see his juice is actually a legitimately packaged Jameson Irish Whiskey. Anyone else think juice box whiskey is an awesome idea?
When Juice tries to bond with Tig.
Juice: (While Tig unzips his pants) What're you doin'?
Tig: I'm gonna dunk my balls in your mouth, your gonna gag, I'm gonna laugh, we'll be best friends forever.
During Opie's wedding when he takes his vows
Opies along with the whole club: I promise to treat you like my leathers and ride you as much as my Harley.
The club massacring the Russsians to the tune of "What a Wonderful World".
When the crew first meet Chucky. Otto warns Clay and Jax that he has a "tic" that may make things awkward for the club. They assure Otto they can handle it, but when they see what this "tic" is, their WTF reaction is priceless.
"I'm gonna give you my hand so you can jerk off." "I accept that."
"Either join in or get out!"
From episode 5 of season 5, the entire scene with Venus Van Damme, the councilman, and the councilman's stepson. Especially the bit where the entire club pretends to be occasionally bi-sexual to get the stepson to have sex with Venus.
There's just something about the way Chibs nonchalantly jerks off the air while saying, "Two dicks."
In the episode "Eureka" after the argument about how to rescue Tig hits a deadlock, Piney and Jax take things into their own hands and set off to rescue Tig anyway. Jax jumps up on the tow truck Piney's driving and the following epic lines ensue:
Jax: Chibs! 'Sack! Come on!
Chibs: What's up?
Chibs: I'm in!
Jax's completely serious delivery as well as Chibs, Halfsack and Happy's absolute lack of hesitation is priceless.
Season 2 Episode 6: Gemma and Tara engage in some target practice using a poster for one of the porn studio's movies, which is hanging on a wall adjacent to the studio in front of several shocked and terrified starlets, then when another pulls up in her car firstly Tara points her gun (with the cylinder open) at the girl which Tera admits "was fun" to which Gemma replies "You're gonna love this" and proceeds to open fire on the car.
Gemma's solution to getting the prospects to stop calling her ma'am.
Gemma: "Now you've had your hand on my tits. You can't call me maam anymore."
The prospect's reaction is particularly funny because he's just standing there unsure as to be turned on or mortified.
Unser is now known as uncle touchy
Uncer: "You realize that makes me sound like a pedophile?"
Gemma: "That's why I like it."
"IMATITE" That is all.
Tig (who is scared of dolls) sees a pair of sexy mannequins during a promo shoot for a porno:
Bobby: You alright, Tig?
Tig: (Looking hilariously confused) Terrified, but totally erect.
"Another fine Irishman brought down by the bottle"