Funny / Solitary

Season One

  • Number 5's repeatedly shocked, horrified reactions to several tests and treatments, especially the horror movie test ("OH LORD! OH LORD! OH GOD! WHY?!") and "extreme solitary." The poor man seemed to find everything that VAL did to be incredibly disturbing, yet still made it all the way to the final treatment.
  • Number 4 misplacing his Companion Cube ball on purpose because he had imaginary friends to play chess with.
  • Number 8 named her Companion Cube ball after VAL, who found it intriguing and thanked her for the downgrade.
  • During the rubber-ball-counting test: "Guests, I hope I do not distract you by talking to myself." The comedic timing of Number 3's immediate reaction just makes it.
    • Number 3 being scared of the slot in the Pod.
  • Number 3, given exemption from a Treatment, takes time to go completely crazy.
    VAL: Hmm. That is a side of Number 3 I have not seen before.
  • Number 5 complaining to VAL about forming a union with Numbers 3 and 7 after ranting about how cold it is.
  • VAL asks the guests to draw self-portraits of themselves as they were when they entered, then as they see themselves now. Number 5 draws stick figures of himself under a happy sun, then one of him freezing.
    Number 5: I was bald then and warm!
    [on the 'after' picture]
    Number 5: Happy and enlightened but freezing!
  • Number 5 in general is a crowning person of funny, from his reactions to everything to his over-the-top facial expressions.
  • In the finale, Number 5 comments that when people say you should be strong and ready for whatever the world sends your way, the world does not usually send a box of spikes.

Season Two

  • Number 1 passing gas in the box.
  • Four of the guests stayed in the box for over 4 hours, far past the 3-hour stipulation. Some even thought only 1 or 2 hours had passed.
  • The guests were kept without food or sleep for 30 hours, and some became... unhinged.
    Number 8: I am hungry~ I am gonna eat my arm~
  • Number 5's memetic "Give me. The pizza. Now." Despite the line never appearing in the show outside the intro, it became so famous that he was asked to repeat it at the reunion.
  • VAL offered the guests paints to draw on the walls of the Pod; they reacted with delight. Then it cut to Number 5.
    Number 5: [gloomy] If only I knew how to paint.
  • Number 7 reacting poorly to the brick/speech test.
    Number 7: SON OF A BISCUIT!
  • Number 9, flat out. After Number 7 goes and "handicaps" Number 9 with an extra round in an early treatment, Number 9 takes it personally and goes on to do "one more" each time to get back at Number 7. (In a later treatment, 9 also does an additional round to spite 7 after being told he's already the last person standing.)
    • Of course, Number 9 "earned" his reputation, given that one of the items he brought along was a blow-up doll. (Yes, that kind of blow-up doll. The camera has to blur a good bit of the doll out.)
    • Numbers 3 and 8 get in on the fun later, by each taking away one of 9's luxuries from the 50,000 Vallors Auction. (Number 7 already went and gave Number 9 an hour in the black box, WITH SIRENS!)
  • Number 9's impersonation of Number 7. "HOW DO YOU LIKE THE BOX, NUMBER 9? HOW DO YOU LIKE THE ALARMS, NUMBER 9?"
  • VAL asking the guests what they would do for food, including acting like a chicken (they do), air guitaring (they do), and laughing at her jokes (they do).
  • Number 2 begging for food in the loudest way possible.
    Number 2: Please give me some foooooooood! Pretty please, pretty please, I need my food...
  • Number 9 celebrates winning at dominoes...only to realize VAL said he was the first to place second.
  • Number 5 appraising the losers' banquet.
    Number 5: On today's menu we have a single, solitary almond...and an olive, with a delicious watery beverage.
  • The entirety of the smoothie treatment.
  • During the scary movie test, Number 8 lags behind with only 10 photos to arrange.
    Number 8: If. I. Get this wrong. I am gonna kill myself~
  • Numbers 3 and 8 take a turn for the cruel in the Vallors auction and deprive Number 9 of his pizza and Icy-Hot. Then Number 7 locks 9 in the box with an hour of sirens.
  • This occurrence from Episode 4:
    Number 8: I have the strength of a man and the body of a woman. ...Don't air that, delete it right now.
    VAL: Too late.
  • Number 8 taking himself down a peg:
    "Are you afraid you have a small penis?! ... Oh, wait, I don't have a small penis."
  • During the ball gag treatment, Number 8 attempted to tell VAL "You son of a bitch!" in a muffled voice, to which VAL responded, "You want to give me a kiss?" He also declared, "This sucks!" to which VAL said in a cheery voice, "I agree. This rocks!"
    • Number 8's suffering in that treatment is comedically sociopathic. A particularly notable instance is when VAL allows him to retrieve a water bottle. "Now what?" "You tell me."
  • The guests cheering for their pet mice in episode 5 is heartwarming...except when the mice fall asleep or go the wrong way.
  • The guests taking out their frustrations on the much-reviled meal bars in Episode 5, including yelling at it, stomping on it, and throwing it into walls. Number 9 even gives it a Drill Sergeant Nasty rant.
  • Number 8's Big "NO!" in the finale after VAL decides to keep him forever.
  • On the Reunion Show, Number 1's nephew asked him why he passed gas on TV.

Season Three

  • Number 9 whistling as he casually does laps on a ring of rocks.
  • When Number 6, who hated technology, leaves, VAL wishes him well... then adds "Score one for technology."
  • Number 8 trying to sit on a spiky lawn aerator during the stool challenge.
  • VAL allowed the guests to make personal videos of themselves with a video camera. Afterwards, she then told each of them that their video diaries showed strong evidence that they were going insane. The only one who fell for it was Number 3, who became honestly worried that VAL was telling the truth. Shortly after, VAL revealed the truth. "This was not a test of sanity, but a test of gullibility."
  • Val in general gets a personality upgrade that seems to make her a lot more suggestive and willing to "come down" to the players' levels, even cursing at them in a few cases. Some of the better high points:
    VAL:For this next challenge, you must... sit on my face.
  • During the weight-matching test, after a montage of telling the guests they were "incorrect:"
    VAL: Correct.
    Number 3: Really?
    VAL: No. I was just tired of saying "incorrect."
  • At one point, VAL is curious to see if the guests are afflicted with Stockholm Syndrome. When many of them profess affection for her, she decides to make them prove it... by writing "I love VAL" on a chalkboard 500 times.
  • During a reward/penalty auction, Number 3 is given cheesecake.
    Number 3: Cheesecake. What can I do with cheesecake?
    VAL: Um... eat it?
  • Number 7 asks VAL how to spell "impossible" because he forgot. He then spells it "imposable."
  • VAL makes the guests sit in chairs, then ignores them to see what they do. They sit in them for at least an hour.
    • Number 3 then gets up to freak out over a spider, and panics because she doesn't know where it went. VAL compares this to a Treatment.
  • While arguing with Number 5 over an impending elimination (after an especially pathetic performance in the Treatment):
  • During a triathlon, Numbers 4 and 7 tie for the amount of eggs carried across a balance beam... but Number 4, who finished first, forgot to hit the green button. By the time he remembered, Number 7 had hit it and won the challenge.
  • During an abrasive treatment:
    Number 4: I'm surprised you're not making us do this treatment naked!
  • Numbers 7 and 4 dancing when the beds come out.
  • The guests walk out into a huge pile of T-Shirts.
    Number 7: This looks like my room.
    • After just barely losing the Test, Number 7 throws a tantrum and tosses the shirts around the room, swearing.
  • During the Valphabet treatment:
    VAL: Next up, F is for...
    Number 7: [Sound-Effect Bleep]
    VAL: Not quite.
  • Number 3's Companion Cube robot dog doesn't work, prompting her to shove it back into the meal slot.
  • Numbers 4 and 7's increasingly comedic one-liners in the finale, punctuated by an "Oh, snap." from VAL.

Season Four

  • Number 8 adding a bunch of AKAs to his name at the start, all of which VAL said were incorrect.
    Number 8:...AKA Number 8.
    VAL: AKA correct.
  • The guests engaged in a treatment in which they had to sweat as much as possible and then collect the sweat, the winner being the one who collected the most. Most of the guests managed 2-6 vials of sweat; the winner, Number 8, got 25. When the rest of the guests heard about the ridiculous amount Number 8 got, their shocked expressions were hilarious. "25?! Did they pee in the thing?!"
    • Number 7 mentioned she hadn't sweated that much since she was locked in the trunk of a car. Cue Record Needle Scratch and VAL's monitor reading TMI.
  • In the bartending Treatment, Number 1 wished for anything but pickle relish and refried beans. Cue another guest mixing exactly that.
  • Number 8 requested a cigarette, and VAL complied by giving them one... without a lighter.
  • Number 6 won a challenge and got a bowl of peanuts and two beers as a prize. VAL then allowed the other guests the chance to beg Number 6 to share, with VAL as the go-between. However, VAL intentionally misinterpreted their messages, so Number 2's request of "Will you please share your peanuts with me?" became, "Will you please share your penis with me?" After he realized the misunderstanding, Number 2 tried to correct it, specifying that he'd said peanuts. VAL then reported the correction to Number 6. "Number 2 actually wants your nuts."
  • The guests were asked to hit a punching bag a certain number of times and report their score, with the one who reported the highest score getting a hot chicken dinner. Number 2 made up the ludicrously impossible number of 50,999,999,999 hits, and won the challenge. However, when he went to claim his prize, he found a tasteless vitamin block instead of a chicken dinner, and exploded with outrage, demanding to know where the prize he was promised was. VAL then responded, "You lied during my challenge, so I thought I would lie to you as well." Meanwhile, everyone but him got the dinner he was promised.
  • Number 5 going crazy in the Vallors auction to the point where he thinks none of the other contestants are real, nearly hits the red button for no reason, and buys the same item twice.
  • Number 2 is so demoralized after learning he wasn't the first to escape from Valcatraz that he goes back into his cell.
    Number 2: ...I'm going back in here... Life was so much simpler inside the jail.
    • In the same test, Number 2 spends a lot of time trying to get a bag that he believes will hold a key to his cell. When he makes it...
    Number 2: ...Cookies!? Are you freakin' kidding me!?
    • Number 7 losing the rope outside her cell and having to stretch with her foot and the bag of cookies to reach it. She loses a shoe in the process.