Funny / Slumdog Millionaire

  • The entirety of the scene where Jamal masquerades as a tour guide, making everything up as he goes along.
    Jamal: (pointing) This is...the Taj Mahal.
    (Long, slightly awkward pause as the tourist couple waits for him to continue)
    Jamal: The Taj Mahal was built by the Emperor Khurram for his wife Mumtaz who was maximum beautiful woman in the whole world. When she died, the Emperor decided to build this five star hotel for everyone who wanted to visit her tomb...but he died in- in 1587, before any of the rooms were built. Or the lifts. (gestures towards fountains) The swimming pool, however, as you can see was completed on schedule in top class fashion.
    Woman: It says nothing of this in the guide book.
    Jamal: With respect, Madam, the guide book is written by a bunch of lazy, good-for-nothing, Indian beggars.
    Woman: Oh.
    Jamal: And this, Lady and Gentleman, is burial place of Mumtaz.
    Woman: How did she die?
    Jamal: (solemnly) A road traffic accident.
    Woman: Really?
    Jamal: Maximum pile-up.
    Man: (suspicious) I thought she died in childbirth.
    Jamal: (pauses, then nods wisely) Exactly, Sir. She was on the way to the hospital when it happened. (moves on)
    (The couple glances at each other)
    Woman: (shrugs) You've seen the way they drive around here...
  • "I live at Loch Big Ben. It's right next to Sean Connery's flat"
  • Jamal's fantasy of tackling his brother, and sending both plunging off a skyscraper to their deaths.
  • Jamal just can't resist mocking the constable who was torturing him for saying he knew the first question's answer, which Jamal had just said "doesn't take a genius."