Funny / slowbeef

Funny moments from Retsupurae can be found here.

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Ridley

• Pretty much anything involving Ridley. From the first encounter in Metroid Prime 3:
  "Don't shoot me in the mouth! Whatever you do, that's my least vulnerable spot! My wings... remember how they burned off? Hit 'em... are you scannin' me in freefall now? How do you even do that? Wait... are we readin'? Come on!"
• During one of the cutscenes shortly after:
  Caption: —One month later—
  "Ridley": I'm still fallin'!
• And then there's the Omega Ridley boss fight late in Prime 3. 29 minutes of interpreting his erratic battle movements, to the point that slowbeef is crying with laughter.
  • From when it starts:
    "Well, it's about time! I just finished fallin'! This is where that tunnel let out! Your timin' is poifect!"
  • In response to his animation for being knocked down:
    slowbeef: Ridley, are you an idiot?!
    "Ridley": I just got back from a... night out. Sorry. You got some, like, space-aspirin, or something? Just time-out for a minute!
  • "I was designed at 4:00 AM! It's called crunch time! My original name was Procrastination Ridley!"
  • His stunned and vulnerable animation (standing while waving his arms around) causes many a busted gut. Diabetus likens it to Ridley being excited on Christmas morning and frantically opening his presents.
    "Ooga booga, I'm Ridley, are you scared, Samus?!"
    "WUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAUUUUUHHHHHHHH!"
    "You got me Metroid Prime? FUCK YOU!"
  • Ridley outright insults Kinect and Move (though for the former it's less about poor or gimmicky design and more about being incompatible with his size and wingspan). This is followed by pointing out every flaw in Heavy Rain, including how the Origami Killer couldn't possibly have laid out the glass shards in the tunnel during the Butterfly trial and the implausibility of a poison that works in exactly 60 minutes.
  • And when the whole thing suddenly inverts on itself.
    "Ridley": Aw shit, you learned my one ace in the hole! Damn you, Sammy!
    Diabetus: I wish Ridley would call Samus "Sammy".
    slowbeef: He doesn't really talk, though. That's something we did!
    Diabetus: ...oh no, I can't tell the two apart anymore!
• Even after Omega Ridley, the voice, jokes and craziness continue to the end of the LP.
  (slowbeef is in the Valhalla and wonders if the area is too dark for the stream viewers to see)
  Diabetus: The only thing that needs its brightness turned up is you! Wah-wah! (in Ridley voice) Trolled!
  slowbeef: (bursts into laughter) If you did that to Ridley he'd just be like, "Aaaauugghhhh!"
• From the Ridley X fight in Fusion:
  "Peekaboo! Now I look disgustin'! Canonically, I died two games ago!"
  • And later, when they talk about rewards for beating Ridley:
    Diabetus: No, you just get an Energy Tank for beating him off.
    "Ridley": Uhhh... I don't quite remember that. Is that canon? Let's just go back to the 'me falling forever' canon.
• Ridley's Resort. An all-inclusive casino/hotel/resort, run by Ridley.
  "It's a vacation!"
• Jokes about Ridley on television:
  • "Stay tuned for Shit Ridley Says!"
  • Ridley's spinning fire breath and simultaneous energy tail, or as Ridley says, "This is from my Vegas show, Samus! Tell me whatcha think!" It segues into a discussion on magicians, and into Penn, Teller, & Ridley:
  "Phazon corruption is bullshit!"
  • The above leads to the prospect of an all-magician news program.
  "And now David Copperfield with the weather."
  • America's Next Top Ridley
  • The Walking Ridley:
  "Instead of zombies, when you get bit you turn into a Ridley."
  "Oh no."
  "WUUUUAAAAAHHHHHH!!"
  "And everyone's doing that, and the whole world gets very annoyed."
  • Roomin' With Ridley. One's a bounty hunter, the other's a space gargoyle!
  slowbeef: Adam's the landlord. He says, "You didn't pay rent," and then locks you in a room for five hours to explain what rent is and how to pay it.
• Ridley explodes at Amorbis in Echoes, ranting about how the franchise plummets when he's not around.
  "Amorbis": It's a livin'!
  "Ridley": You shut the fuck up, the three of you! My catchphrase in Echoes? No way! You'll be hearin' from my lawyers, Flaahgra and Thardus Incorporated!
• Even though Ridley is nowhere to be found in Metroid Prime 2 multiplayer, he still manages to make himself heard:
  "Now take all the bounty, Samus! Listen, did you find that coin chest yet, 'cause seriously, it's really bothering me!"
• Other guests have tried their hand at the Ridley voice, with amusing results. They include Vicas, ScurvyKip, Blister, RChimpCola and Cherrydoom. That last one is particularly entertaining, considering Cherrydoom later edited out her attempt and therefore never saw the light of day. slowbeef and Diabetus call her out on it.
  slowbeef: Fuck you, Cherrydoom.
• Although he takes his time to appear in Metroid: Other M, he steals the scene anyway. Take his response to Anthony once again referring to Samus as a "lady".
  "Ridley": Even I think that's sexist, and I'm a terrible gargoyle!
• Ridley tends not to appear in non-Metroid LPs for obvious reasons, but his voice is recycled for the crow enemies in Bloodborne.

Let's Plays

Metroid Prime

• Meta-example: slowbeef proudly proclaiming his intent to scan the hell out of everything at the beginning... and missing the only pirate lore on the frigate.
  • All of slowbeef's early scanning counts, especially his complaints about the enemy names being unoriginal.
    Diabetus: Can you scan it?
    slowbeef: Hey, wait. Oh God, I can?
    Diabetus: I knew it.
    slowbeef: 'Tangle Weed'. Shut up. Tangle weed, what the fuck is that?
    Diabetus: Whatever biologist explored Tallon IV is the least creative person I've ever seen.
• The Hurricane of Puns that ensues about halfway through the boss fight with Thardus. It is absolutely magmanificent.
• Slowbeef's hatred of the inexplicably tough bendezium.
• The abrupt Mood Whiplash when slowbeef first enters the Crashed Frigate, a masterpiece of Scenery Porn and Awesome Music, only to find an unexpected surprise waiting for him:
  slowbeef: Oh, wow, this is absolutely breathtaking—flying pirates HERE?! UNDERWATER?!
• The aptly named "Trainwreck with Khad/Toffile." Especially when slowbeef blows his stack against Khad about halfway through the video.
  • In later videos during the same recording session, slowbeef encounters Chozo Ghosts and Khad turns on the Ghostbusters theme, which screws with the audio recording. Slowbeef laughs the first time, though the humor wears off afterward.
    slowbeef: (echoing) Khad, it's going to loop our voices back into the microphone!
• At one point, Samus' eye reflections render incorrectly, resulting in a brief glimpse of completely black eyes. Slowbeef ends up getting freaked out by it.
• Diabetus says "I'm gonna pee now, I hope the microphone doesn't pick it up." No points for guessing what happens five seconds later.
• This particular line after talking about pancreatic cancer (It Makes Sense in Context):
  slowbeef: Who needs a fucking pancreas? Right, Diabetus? ...Oh.
• Back at the start of the LP, the jokes about planet Tallon IV's unimaginative name.
  Diabetus: You got a name for this planet? Tall...on— you already used that three times!
  slowbeef: We didn't even differentiate, you named all of these Tallon, there's like 20 of them.
  Diabetus: Oh well, put Roman numerals after them, whaddaya want?!
  slowbeef: You always put Roman numerals on, they don't look cool!
  Diabetus: I'm a scientist, I'm not a creative, c'mon!
  • Then they wonder if they're subtitling the planets, leading to "Tallon II: The Revenge", "Tallon III: A New Hope", "Tallon V: Back 2 Da Hood" and "Tallon VI: Return of Tallon".
    Diabetus: I never asked to be head of nomenclature.
    slowbeef: You are the coolest astronomer I know, you gotta get professional.

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

• The episode-long Mac vs. PC debate between slowbeef and Proteus4994.
  • A suspiciously apropos scan in the same video:
    slowbeef: The problem with Khad is the minute he starts IMing you, it's like cancer or something where it doesn't really stop. But you just can't get rid of him then. And if you ignore him, it somehow just spurs him on even worse. Wait... "The Age of Anxiety".
• Any time slowbeef attempts to pronounce Luminoth names.
• Slowbeef's reaction to the Kinetic Orb Cannon:
  slowbeef: What...WHAT?! Wait a-wait a minute, WHAT?!...WHAT? What, but why-but why w-...That's the-that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard!
  Vicas: You never know when you're gonna need to shoot Kinetic Orbs around.
• Slowbeef's encounter with the Grapple Guardian.
  slowbeef: This is going to be a long fight just because I'm stupid!
  • The Grapple Guardian disgusts him so much he spends the next two videos pissed off at everything. It's absolutely hilarious, especially when he gets to Chykka.
• The first encounter with the Rezbit.
• Diabetus and slowbeef doing multiplayer. All of it.
  • Everything from the 20:40 mark. "This is quality entertainment—solid gold standard."
    Diabetus: This music is awful.
    slowbeef: (laughing) It really is!
    Both: (nasal wail) Waaa, waa, waa waa waa waa waaaa metroid!
    Diabetus: Sounds like Nathan Lane singing about Metroid.
  • Then when Slowbeef and Diabetus duel with Light Beams:
    slowbeef: Hey look who's got a Light Beam now, huh?! WHO'S GOT A LIGHT BEAM NOW, HUH?! HUH?! YOU'RE NOTHIN'!! LOOK AT YOU!!
    Diabetus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    (slowbeef gets killed)
    slowbeef: Wait, I died?
• His reaction to finding the Screw Attack.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

• Samus takes an... alternate path to return to her ship when the GFS Olympus is attacked.
  slowbeef: "Air Lock Cycling". ...oh! Air lock?
  Diabetus: Oh yeah, you're fucked.
  (Samus is blown out into space)
  slowbeef: Uhhh... why did we do that?
  • When Samus does find a convenient route back onboard, slowbeef rants incredulously about how she couldn't have possibly expected that to work.
• The whole argument about Diabetus telling slowbeef that he's going the wrong way in episode 14.
• Half of the entire LP consists of Take Thats against Other M. The funny parts are when they mock Sakamoto, though, which reaches its climax when slowbeef purposely mistranslates his developer's message in the beginning of Episode 13:
  Translation: Hello, this is Yoshio Sakamoto! It's not easy writing stories for Metroid... considering my functional illiteracy. Honestly, I don't really like Samus, and I don't want you to like her, either. I hate her and feel threatened by her. I will ruin this franchise. I'm just coming out and telling you. Fuck Metroid and fuck you.
  • There's also their impressions of Sakamoto whining about Metroid's story, in a baby voice.
    slowbeef: "Samus is a girl, therefore she cwies!"
    Diabetus: "Samus wants authowization!"
    slowbeef: "Men want to do her job!"
    Diabetus: "Tha's what women do!"
    slowbeef: "You can't go in the last area, you're a woman!"
  • "Samus is scared of Widley!" "Widley." "Widley."
• Slowbeef and Diabetus quickly grow tired of the tendency for every boss in the game to have a Shockwave Stomp, culminating in Omega Ridley asking if his use of the move is original.
• While Samus is infiltrating the Pirate Homeworld and a Phazite door slams down in front of her, Diabetus lampshades the poor excuse for backtracking.
  SLAM!
  "FUCK YOU!"
• The beginning of video five:
  slowbeef: (After making Chip Cheezum's Mii) This would've been a lot funnier before I spent like, an hour with Diabetus having technical issues...
  Diabetus: Oh, me? It was just me?
  (Beat)
  slowbeef: ...Whatever. Go to hell.
  [...]
  slowbeef: (Heard untangling wires in the background) Now my fucking Wiimote's caught up in my Guitar Hero drums... Or, whatever. Fuck it.
  (Chip laughs)
  slowbeef: Damn it! ...Stupid... bullshit!!
  Chip Cheezum: Let's play the drums!

Super Metroid Justin Bailey Hack

• The entire first video; slowbeef initially starts out unimpressed, but as he plays more, he goes into a state of shock over how horrifying it is that someone made this.

Dead to Rights / Dead To Rights: Retribution

• The various nicknames given to Jack's disarm moves.
  slowbeef: That one's called Twist and Shoot
  Diabetus: That one was called physically impossible to actually do to somebody.
• In the LP of the remake, they crack up during the 'bonding' father-son boxing match and then explore Jack's motivations. "Look Dad, I broke this guy's neck and electrocuted him to death! (disturbed gleeful cackle) See, I don't need therapy!"
• The entirety of Fahook's plane.
  "I'M STUCK IN A CUTSCENE! WHHHHYYYYY?!"
  • This moment from the intro to Fahook's plane,
• During the drowning scene in which slowbeef has to repeatedly mash buttons to keep Jack from drowning:
  slowbeef: What really sucks is if you fuck this up, it's just game over, but also your hand is pretty tired from masturba—I mean, from hitting the buttons.
• From the remake: "Oh boy, Tseng's coked up and he knows kung fu." What really sells it is the completely blasé way slowbeef says it.
• Also from the remake, slowbeef and Diabetus make fun of a moment detailing the games Artificial Stupidity When Shadow runs straight past a guard who simply keeps on walking.
  Diabetus (as guard): Oh, hey. A dog. Alright.
  Diabetus (as the guard watches Shadow tearing another guard apart): Tough day Steve?
• In this one room in the last level of Retribution, the enemies stop firing at Jack Slate, and start trying to just run past him. Slowbeef and Diabetus theorize that they are on the hospital's gym.
• slowbeef says at the start of the original LP that the game is actually pretty good. He desperately continues to push this claim throughout the LP even as he's constantly making fun of it and talking about how much it sucks.
• Jack Slate's penchant for lame comebacks rarely goes unnoticed.
  Jack Slate: Get outta here, this place is about the get deadly. And for God's sake, put some clothes on!
  slowbeef: Yeah, woman! And make me a sandwich!
  Diabetus: And then take it up with city hall!
  • The lamest Bond One-Liner ever comes after a certain boss fight:
  Diggs collapses in post-fight cutscene
  Jack Slate: [Beat] Dumb son of a bitch. [Beat, walks off]
• During the escort mission after Jack has arrested Julian Temple:
  slowbeef: But keep in mind, martial law is in Grant City, right?
  Diabetus: Right.
  slowbeef: So, like, where are we bringing him?
  Diabetus: Um...
  slowbeef: Like, what are we going to do? Bring him to a police station, kill everyone in it and throw him in an empty jail cell?
  Diabetus: Well, that is what Jack would do, right?
  slowbeef: Yeah, I guess that is in character.
  • And the goons don't fail to gleefully point it out when Jack proceeds to do exactly that.
• After Jack runs into yet another scantily dressed woman:
  Diabetus: Are there any women who wear like, a complete shirt that covers more than 50% of their body?
  slowbeef: Yeah. Oh, in this game? No, no...

Snatcher (Video LP)

• The comments on how important words are always capitalized in conversations.
  slowbeef: Why? Are you looking for SNATCHERS?!?
  Diabetus: (whispering) Keep your voice down. Of course I'm looking for (shouting) SNATCHERS!
• After repeatedly handing over large sums of money to Napoleon in exchange for information, the duo spends the next 5 minutes commenting on Gillian's negotiation skills.
  slowbeef: Here are my car keys and my gun.
  Diabetus: Take the Turbo Cruiser. Do you want Metal Gear?
  (after a few minutes, slowbeef tries giving Napoleon cash again, only for Metal Gear to comment that they don't need any more information)
  slowbeef: Oh look, Metal Gear stopped him.
  Diabetus: Thank Metal Gear. Give Metal Gear all your cash.

SD Snatcher

• Most of this LP is in screenshot format, but slowbeef's reaction to one particular event warranted a video response.
  slowbeef: I went through a goddamn mirror maze to fight a robot in a panda suit.

Golgo 13

• This comment on the stealth bombers;
  dave_o: The pilots of this are really stupid. You know, it's like "There's some dude flying behind us, shooting the hell out of the plane." "Just keep flying straight, he'll go away."
  slowbeef: "Haha. Fuck him!"
  dave_o: "Forget about 'im. Look, he's wearing a motorcycle helmet. What could he do?"
• In the first episode, slowbeef gets caught LPing at work by his boss, who joins in the LP.

The Revenge of Shinobi (for the "Hard Games Thread")

• His claiming to have a letter from Sega's lawyers when he comes across something in the game that is particularly lawyer-baiting and how said letters claim said thing is not what it appears to be ripping off (Except for Spider-Man and Godzilla)
• His joking about how Joe Musashi might be an Italian ninja who got his weapons from Rocco Takahashi and Hattori Hanzō (AKA The Gooch)

Cave Story+ Hard Mode

• Any time slowbeef compares Diabetus' stream to his.
• Halfway through Session 8, slowbeef reaches the Outer Wall, and spends the next half-hour getting killed repeatedly by what he dubs 'ghost cats'. He eventually manages to get through by making a panicked run up the last section.
• In Session 11, slowbeef, Diabetus, and Proteus start joking around about Retsupurae merchandise. At several points, slowbeef screws up the game because he's laughing too hard.
• In session 12, slowbeef and co. start discussing how DarksydePhil would handle Cave Story.

Dark Souls

• Beef's prolonged struggle against Ornstein and Smough, culminating in the quintessential Dark Souls experience: "Welcome to Dark Souls".
• After struggling against Black Dragon Kalameet, he finally takes it down and gets the Calamity Ring. His reaction makes it worth it.
  slowbeef: Receive double damage? Receive?... Fuck you, Dark Souls.

Psychonauts

• His reaction to Emotional Baggage.
  slowbeef: My god, it's as if Diabetus wrote this whole fuckin' game.
• The entire boss battle with The Phantom.

Bloodborne

• Early on slowbeef explores a dark house in the starting area of Yharnam. He dispatches most of the enemies and walks up to what looks like the wheelchair-bound NPC who helped him in the prologue... Only for the man to pull out an enormous blunderbuss and nearly blow him away with a single shot scaring the crap out of slowbeef. Diabetus immediately declared the wheelchair hunters to be his favorite enemy, slowbeef cracks up right after that commentary.
• At one point slowbeef finds a boar in a sewer tunnel, runs down a hallway, and falls down a pit to his death... and the boar falls down the same pit charging after him.
• slowbeef figures out how to cheese "gatling guy," and while he's debating about whether to cheese him or try to kill him fair and square, gatling guy walks off a ledge and falls to his death.
• slowbeef finally gets close to killing Bloodstarved Beast, then the capture card gets disconnected, preventing slowbeef from seeing anything. slowbeef and Diabetus figure that Bloodstarved Beast somehow broke the capture card as revenge for slowbeef killing gatling guy.
• The next time slowbeef fights Bloodstarved Beast, he dies while the Beast's health bar was empty. To make things worse, beef had earlier joked about giving his daughter to Diabetus if he lost again.
• In Episode 31, he discovers one of the perks of having over 40 Insight - being able to see the Amygdalas throughout Yharnam. The first ten minutes of the video consist almost entirely of the two of them gaping at the Amygdala outside Cathedral Ward.
• In Episode 65, slowbeef's first run through the DLC starts off with his encounter with the giant, ax-wielding monster in the church, which appears to be too big to fit through the doorway. The second he tries to taunt it with the Make Contact gesture, it leaps out of the cathedral and sends him flying with its ax.
• Their reaction to Ludwig the Accursed's second form in Episode 68.
• In Episode 72, Ridley quite literally drops in. and he continues dropping.

  :Diabetus: My god, that was the best crow yet!

  • Later in the same episode, The Living Failures get the last laugh. They may have died to him, but that doesn't stop their final attack from connecting post-mortem.
• In Episode 77, he gets to the cutscene at the end of the DLC, only for the game to come back to his control with the message that one of his notes was rated fine. Toward the end of the video, he falls off a ledge and dies on an out-of-bounds floor below, only to receive another one of these messages right before the loading screen comes up.
• slowbeef livestreams the final episode, and thus warns he'll have to deal with his Twitter notifications early on. This ends up being an amazing Brick Joke, as his notification, a drawing of Donald Trump with a voice clip of him shouting "I just raised the stakes" pops up at the exact second slowbeef lands the killing blow on the Final Boss, which causes him to crack up laughing.
• Upon their first sight of a Celestial Envoy, which doesn't seem to be hostile:
  Diabetus: Is that the alien from American Dad!?
  slowbeef: Don't make me want to kill it!

Pokemon Fire Red Nuzlocke Run

• At one point Slowbeef brings Diabetus into the stream shouting "Diabetus, I choose you!" Diabetus responds by saying his name.
• Slowbeef and Diabetus realize how useless Magikarp is but fall in love immediately trying to shoehorn him into any situation they can think of.
• Slowbeef's first encounter with Grimer. Both he and Diabetus lose it.

Sartak's Jeopardy! mod with Diabetus and dave_o

• "Why does Alex Trebek look like someone tapped him on the scrotum every time you pick a question?"
• As slowbeef complains about not having played most of the games in the categories:
  dave_o: Slowbeef, I don't think there are many categories about obscure Hideo Kojima games that you have to translate on your own.
• From the Parasite Eve category:
  Answer: The final battle ensues with this offspring of the title character.
  dave_o: The answer... is Eve.
  Sartak: No.
  Diabetus: What is Parasite Eve?
  • Additionally, slowbeef's reaction to dave_o correctly guessing "the Chrysler Building" out of nowhere, as well as Diabetus's future responses defaulting to the same guess.
• A couple of gems from the Fallout 2:
  • First of all:
    Answer: This device can turn the barren wasteland into lush, verdant landscape.
    Diabetus: What is Bob Ross?
  • From the end of the category:
    dave_o: Who wrote this question?
    Sartak: Dancing With Ferrets.
    dave_o: What is his answer?
    Sartak: "The Enclave".
    dave_o: What a queer. You hear that, Dancing With Ferrets?
    (slowbeef explodes into laughter)
    dave_o: You're so queer you're killing slowbeef with laughter.
    slowbeef: I'm a little dizzy from that.
• From the Final Fantasy IX category:
  Answer: The skill you must learn to be able to use Zidane's ultimate attack.
  dave_o: I think the answer is autism.
• After the winner (it's slowbeef) is declared, one of the parting quips (from dave_o):
  "Congratulations, you are the least likely to have sex."
• In their bonus round when they play a normal game of Jeopardy!:
  Answer: They're able to stand on end due to small erector muscles.
  slowbeef: It's hair! Wait is that right?
  dave_o: I don't know. You'd know all about small erector muscles.
• Their reaction to the "Turtles" category. Also, from one of the clues:
  Answer: Dr. Seuss said this fictional turtle he created was a caricature of Adolf Hitler.
  Diabetus: Dr. Seuss was a badass!

Livestreams

Undercover Cops

• Pretty much involving Gunpuncher.
  • "Hail Gunpuncher!"
  • "Let's take a moment of silence to remember Gunpuncher."

The Binding of Isaac Rebirth

• The Lost (Boss Rush/The Lamb)
  • After about an hour, he finally puts together an absurdly broken build that lets him win by standing still.

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake

• The very first thing slowbeef does after beating Running Man? He talks to a kid who hates men with guns. So 'beef shoots her. But in this game, shooting kids drains your health, which results in the post-boss fight 'beef immediately dying.

EarthBound

• Beef's (and the chat's) constant annoyance at Jeff. It gets to the point where they either act like he doesn't exist or they keep messing up his name.
  • One of his most recent streams is even titled "Only Two Party Members?" furthering the Running Gag of Jeff being non-existent.
  • The sheer number of misnaming the chat gives to Jeff. It gets to the point where they can't come up with male "J" names and resort to female "J" names and even random objects that start with "J".
  Chelseaadamsq: Ah, the gang's all here. Ness, Paula....Bulbasaur?

Klax

• Relaxin and Klaxin: Slowbeef attempts to show Diabetus Klax (an Atari arcade game from the 80s that was ported to the TurboGrafx-16). About 5 minutes in, slowbeef's wife, ShiddyKat, shows up. Hilarity ensues.
  • Because Slowbeef is wearing headphones, Shiddy can't hear anything that Diabetus says, so Slowbeef is constantly saying things to Diabetus that she reacts to, and sometimes vice versa.
  • At one point Shiddy says that she saw a play by James Joyce starring Christopher Walken. Slowbeef and Diabetus don't believe that such a thing exists, so she attempts to look it up using Siri, which leads to the revelation that she addresses her phone each time with "Hey, listen."She turns out to be right.

1-on-1 Single Basketball

• 1-on-1 Basketball: Best Basketball Fighting Game: While the entire game is hilarious, slowbeef utterly loses it when he realizes that letting someone tackle him to the ground is a viable strategy, since it allows Furin to always make an accurate 3 point shot until she falls, at least until it starts to fail with Shota and Laheesha.
• While up against Kirin, slowbeef is losing 8-2, but feels he's finally got Kirin down. He prepares to shoot the ball, then stops, as Kirin took the bait and approached Furin, allowing slowbeef to easily manuever around him, until...
  Announcer: DOUBLE DRIBBLE.
  slowbeef: WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS!? There's a guy who flies in this fucking game!
• While he quickly grows used to the violence in the game (despite being Basketball, it is totally legal to beat up your opponent to get the ball) slowbeef cracks up each time Furin does a special move on the opponents, such as elbowing Ron in the face, doing a headbutt and spinning-back kick to Laheesha, doing the same kick on Shota, and headbutting King.
• The last match. The court is in the middle of clouds surrounded by floating statues of basketball players and two thrones made of basketballs. It gets even better when slowbeef sees his opponent, King, and asks 'are we playing with God?'
  • The chat also quickly comes to the conclusion, based on his hammy voice clips, actions, and design, that King is obviously based on DIO Brando.

Blazing Star

• Slowbeef's hysterical laughter at the Final Boss: a giant cyborg baby with a sniper rifle.

Resident Evil 2 (Remake)

• After finding a tourist guide at the beginning which features only two places to visit, the police station and the orphanage, they start joking throughout that those really are the only things to see in Racoon City (especially since, while the police station at least used to be an art museum and has some nice architecture and a statue in the lobby, why would a tourist decide to take a visit to see an orphanage?), to the point that Racoon City is apparently made up almost entirely of cops and orphans, with the orphans becoming cops when they grow up.
• In part 2, Beef, Sara, and Cass discover that the lever in the jail opens a side passage to help avoid the recently released zombie prisoners. As soon as they enter it, Tyrant starts walking towards them, much to their dismay (and Leon's). However, as soon as Tyrant tries to punch him, Beef manages to dodge. Cue Tyrant completely missing two massive punches.
  Cass: Ohhh, missed, bitch!
  Sara: Too slow!
  Slowbeef: Please don't taunt him.
  Cass: You'll never kill us, ever!
  Cue three zombies wandering around the corner, only for Slowbeef to dodge all three of them
  Cass: Leon was on the goddamn football team!
  Sara: Ain't no one touching this guy
  Cue cutscene where Tyrant bursts through a wall and neck lifts Leon
• During his second encounter with Birkin, Slowbeef hits the button to move the shipping container without knowing what it did, beyond give him more room. He hits the other button, tries to run from Birkin, gets caught, and then both of them get hit by the container. This happens twice in a row. On the third attempt, the cutscene only shows Leon getting hit. Slowbeef finds them to be hilarious.

Yakuza 0

• When Diabetus comes on for Episode 22, him and slowbeef wastes no time in pointing that they have not been putting out any Retsupurae related content for quite some time:
  slowbeef: With me is my good friend, Diabetus.
  Diabetus: ...Who are you again?
  slowbeef: I'm some guy. We haven't talked in, like, years. Anyway, how did rehab go—? Nah, I'm joking!
  (both laugh)
  slowbeef: What if I really came in with some horrible story like: "I'm glad you got your legs back, after the combat..."
  Diabetus: So, I'm back from the death of my entire family...
  slowbeef: (laughs) Congratulations on being found "not guilty" on that.
  Diabetus: Thank you, thank you.

Wifestreams

Heavy Rain

• Not long after the playthrough began, their PS3 controller died, leaving them with two minutes of Ethan staring lovingly at an orange juice carton and slowbeef absolutely losing his shit.
• Later on, when Norman starts listing off what attributes the killer has (as determined from profiling, his job as an FBI profiler), Shiddykat comes to the conclusion the Origami Killer sounds like slowbeef.
• A Running Gag soon comes to be; Shiddykat, despite proving to be good at action scenes where a stream of buttons are thrown at her, has a hard time dealing with fridges.

Others

• Resident Evil 5 Multiplayer with Diabetus (and Cherrydoom at the end)
  • There's the Running Gag of wanting to find and pick up eggs so that the other player can request them.
  • RE5 - Wesker/Chris Facility
  Diabetus: Well you know, Chris and Wesker aren't really on the best of terms.
  slowbeef: That's the thing, you know, they don't really like each other. I think it had to do with, like Twitter.
  Diabetus: Yeah, I think it was some kind of YouTube drama.
  • Wesker/Chris in the Facility - Take Two
  During a tense moment...
  slowbeef: Fuck me!
  Diabetus: After we're done!
  slowbeef: (chuckles) Don't tell the Internet!
  • RE5 - Jill/Sheva in the Ancient Ruins
  slowbeef: This guy tried to impale me and he completely missed. I'm talking about his spear. I'm talking about his wooden spear. I'm talking about his wooden spear without any sort of innuendo whatsoever.
  Diabetus: Look, dicks, okay?
  slowbeef: Read my fanfiction, that's what I'm getting at!
  Diabetus: Please! It's all I have.
  slowbeef: "Jill and Shee—Sheva were caught in the ruins." I got yelled at for calling her "Sheeva" the other day.
  Diabetus: What, like at work?
  slowbeef: (chuckles) Yes, at work. My boss was really upset with me.
  ...
  slowbeef: I have, like eight guys on my ass.
  Diabetus: There's like a fan club following you!
  slowbeef: Yeah, I noticed! Ohh good God!
  Diabetus: (in "old-timey newsroom" voice) "Jill! Jill, we love your work! Jill!"
  slowbeef: (also assuming the voice) "Jill! Jill Valentine!"
  Diabetus: "Jill, can we please have a word?"
  slowbeef: "Resident Evil 3 was the greatest, rahhh! We're a tribe in Africa but this is how we talk, rahhh!"
  Diabetus: 1920s Africa.
  • RE5 - And Now Something for the Ladies
    Diabetus: Yeah, I'm doing just great over here.
    slowbeef: Um... keep in mind that visual jokes don't really work on my end.
    Diabetus: No, trust me, I'm doing great!
    (slowbeef's screen shows Wesker (Diabetus) getting floored by an Executioner's hammer)
    slowbeef: Ooh, ahh... all right.
• The Justin Bailey Special, an old video where slowbeef shows Diabetus a very... special ROM hack of Metroid II: Return of Samus. He claims that he didn't photoshop this, and that it's completely real before revealing the title:
  METROID II:
  SAMUS BARES ALL
  • They react about as well as you'd expect, and it gets even more hilarious when Samus's sprite shows up.
    Diabetus: Is that Samus, or an Orc?
    slowbeef: It's like she's punching herself in the face! [...] It's like an anchovy with legs!
  • The joke about P3:Industry (the author of the ROM hack) also makes them wonder if there's a P1 or P2:Industry.
    Diabetus: In case you weren't enticed by my ROM hack, let me show you my gallery...
  • slowbeef's claim of "I think we can emphatically state we are not doing the rest of this game. At least not tonight."
• In the Something Awful Let's Race thread video, Slowbeef is racing scarboy and ProtonJon in world 1 of Super Mario Bros. 3. After having a decent lead over the other 2 racers up to the final stage (an auto-scrolling stage which should have guaranteed him victory) slowbeef ends up coming in last place when he forgets to press A at the pre-level cutscene. Watch it here.
• For one of his Patreon goals, slowbeef plays Chou Aniki and Sakura Spirit at the same time. The result is...very strange.
  • The incredibly boring Sakura Spirit contrasts sharply with the bizarre Chou Aniki gameplay.
  Pullahoko: It's like you have one guy in the room trying to tell you a story, and there's another guy in the room just flailing and shitting his pants.
  slowbeef: The text on the right does sort of match what's on the left...*a series of muscular men in revealing clothing fly by on the left*...oh, it's Galactus, with sandals. *Pullahoko loses it*
  • The third boss of Chou Aniki is a frog-snail that attacks by scaling its mouth and shooting red blocks at the player. It proves to be a ridiculously hard boss fight.
  Pullahoko: I don't even know what's happening in the context of the game!! It's like, "Here, here's a picture of a frog-snail, just make it fuck up and do...something."
• A gem from Slowbeef's old strategy guide for Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake, upon finding a ration that contains chocolate.
  slowbeef: Chocolate? In a combat ration? What kind of spoiled fucking crybabies are in this army? "Whaaa! I want ice cweam in my wations! And bwack tar hewowin." (It's really cute the way they say 'hewowin'.)
  • In fact, everything about the frankly baffling choice of foods in Zanzibar Land's combat rations:
  slowbeef: Ham, cheese, spaghetti, and coffee! What schizophrenic cooks are devising this shit? Do I really need to comment on this? I hope the B4 rations aren't popcorn, chickpeas, and grape jelly.
• slowbeef streams Demon's Souls... while acting like DarksydePhil. It has to be seen to be believed.
  • Then there's his ''DarkSide Beef - MAJOR CHANGES TO THE CHANNEL!'' video... which is two hours of Slowbeef doing a bravura performance as DSP, with all of the classic DSP mannerisms. Highlights include bitching about the amount his subscribers are tipping him, whining about having to pay off his four mortgages and three boats on his streamers salary, and claiming to have invented the airplane^note A reference to DSP claiming to have invented the concept of Lets Play's, all while clearing his nose about 100,000 times. The random noises slowbeef's baby does every once in a while only adds more to the hilarity of the thing.
• If Alien: Isolation won't run on your PC, starring his daughter as the Xenomorph.
• Slowbeef is playing the World's Scariest Police Chases game, imitating the overdramatic narrator from the show who always end the chases with bad puns. Then this happens on his first chase, causing him to start Corpsing.
• The Sonic '06 race of 2017; At MAGFest that year, Slowbeef and his buddy TieTuesday had challenged each other to a race of Sonic's Story in the famously terrible and broken Sonic game. While Slowbeef's practices focused mostly remembering how the game worked, Tie decided to learn speedrun tricks for the game. He became so good and had so much fun pulling them off, that he wound up seriously speedrunning the game, and was at one point ranked 14th in the world for the Sonic's Story record (He is now ranked 25th). When the two finally raced each other live nine months later, Tie wound up trouncing Slowbeef in a very wacky and funny livestream.
  • The stream lasted 2 hours. Tie beat the game in 45 minutes (as they challenged each other level by level, not for the entire game with boss fights), and for most of that time, Slowbeef was stuck on a snowboarding section of the third level for almost the entire time (a section that Tie completed in one minute). Tie eventually started his own speedrun of Sonic's story with bosses while waiting for Slowbeef to finish, and even though he had a big time loss on the early stages (partly to show the stream some additional gltiches), he lapped Slowbeef in Crisis City, the fourth stage.
  • On the first loop of the first level, Tie describes and executes an impressive clip that launches him halfway across the map. Slowbeef's response?
  slowbeef: ...I'm running on loops...What? That's my strategy!
  • After Tie and Slowbeef are taken out by the same glitch on that same level, Tie observes that he regularly encounters glitches like that, and that even after having made 110 playthroughs of the game, something new had happened during one of his runs earlier that day. Shortly after, Slowbeef told his viewers that he did not plan win, nor did he ever expect to, knowing what Tie had done to prepare:
  slowbeef: I'm not going to win this. For anyone who's kind of hoping 'Hey, wait! Maybe the glitches will be aligned, just in my favor'? Yeah, that's not going to happen.
  • As Tie coasts through the game, Slowbeef regularly interjects about the horrible time he's having with the game's controls and mechanics as he plays it "normally."
  slowbeef: I feel like every time I make it up a flight of stairs and nothing bad happens, that's my clutch moment.
  • Later in the game, Tie shows off some of the wacky ways that speedrunners use Sonic '06's extreme glitchiness to their advantage, from doors that are extremely easy to clip through, to "glitch speeds" that cause the projectiles in the mach-speed section of the Crisis City level to become nearly impossible to predict.

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