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Funny: slowbeef
Funny moments from Retsupurae can be found here.

Ridley
  • Pretty much anything involving Ridley. From the first encounter in Metroid Prime 3:
    "Don't shoot me in the mouth! Whatever you do, that's my least vulnerable spot! My wings... remember how they burned off? Hit 'em... are you scannin' me in freefall now? How do you even do that? Wait... are we readin'? Come on!"
  • Caption:One month later
    "I'm still fallin'!"
  • And then there's the Omega Ridley boss fight late in Prime 3. 29 minutes of interpreting his erratic battle movements, to the point that slowbeef is crying with laughter.
    • From when it starts:
    "Well, it's about time! I just finished fallin'! This is where that tunnel let out! Your timin' is poifect!"
    • In response to his animation for being knocked down:
    slowbeef: Ridley, are you an idiot?!
    "Ridley": I just got back from a... night out. Sorry. You got some, like, space-aspirin, or something? Just time-out for a minute!
    • "I was designed at 4:00 AM! It's called crunch time! My original name was Procrastination Ridley!"
    • His stunned and vulnerable animation (standing while waving his arms around) causes many a busted gut. Diabetus likens it to Ridley being excited on Christmas morning and frantically opening his presents.
    "Ooga booga, I'm Ridley, are you scared, Samus?!"
    "WUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAUUUUUHHHHHHHH!"
    "You got me Metroid Prime? FUCK YOU!"
    • Ridley outright insults Kinect and Move (though for the former it's less about poor or gimmicky design and more about being incompatible with his size and wingspan). This is followed by pointing out every flaw in Heavy Rain, including how the Origami Killer couldn't possibly have laid out the glass shards in the tunnel during the Butterfly trial and the implausibility of a poison that works in exactly 60 minutes.
    • And when the whole thing suddenly inverts on itself.
    "Ridley": Aw shit, you learned my one ace in the hole! Damn you, Sammy!
    Diabetus: I wish Ridley would call Samus "Sammy".
    slowbeef: He doesn't really talk, though. That's something we did!
    Diabetus: ...oh no, I can't tell the two apart anymore!
  • Even after Omega Ridley, the voice, jokes and craziness continue to the end of the LP.
    (slowbeef is in the Valhalla and wonders if the area is too dark for the stream viewers to see)
    Diabetus: The only thing that needs its brightness turned up is you! Wah-wah! (in Ridley voice) Trolled!
    slowbeef: (bursts into laughter) If you did that to Ridley he'd just be like, "Aaaauugghhhh!"
  • From the Ridley X fight in Fusion:
    "Peekaboo! Now I look disgustin'! Canonically, I died two games ago!"
    • And later, when they talk about rewards for beating Ridley:
    Diabetus: No, you just get an Energy Tank for beating him off.
    "Ridley": Uhhh... I don't quite remember that. Is that canon? Let's just go back to the 'me falling forever' canon.
  • Ridley's Resort. An all-inclusive casino/hotel/resort, run by Ridley.
    "It's a vacation!"
  • Jokes about Ridley on television:
    • "Stay tuned for Shit Ridley Says!"
    • Ridley's spinning fire breath and simultaneous energy tail, or as Ridley says, "This is from my Vegas show, Samus! Tell me whatcha think!" It segues into a discussion on magicians, and into Penn, Teller, & Ridley:
    "And now David Copperfield with the weather."
    "Instead of zombies, when you get bit you turn into a Ridley."
    "Oh no."
    "WUUUUAAAAAHHHHHH!!"
    "And everyone's doing that, and the whole world gets very annoyed."
    • Roomin' With Ridley. One's a bounty hunter, the other's a space gargoyle!
    slowbeef: Adam's the landlord. He says, "You didn't pay rent," and then locks you in a room for five hours to explain what rent is and how to pay it.
  • Ridley explodes at Amorbis in Echoes, ranting about how the franchise plummets when he's not around.
    Amorbis: It's a livin'!
    Ridley: You shut the fuck up, the three of you! My catchphrase in Echoes? No way! You'll be hearin' from my lawyers, Flaahgra and Thardus Incorporated!
  • Even though Ridley is nowhere to be found in Metroid Prime 2 multiplayer, he still manages to make himself heard:
    "Now take all the bounty, Samus! Listen, did you find that coin chest yet, 'cause seriously, it's really bothering me!"
  • Other guests have tried their hand at the Ridley voice, with amusing results. They include Vicas, ScurvyKip, Blister, RChimpCola and Cherrydoom. That last one is particularly entertaining, considering Cherrydoom later edited out her attempt and therefore never saw the light of day. slowbeef and Diabetus call her out on it.
    slowbeef: Fuck you, Cherrydoom.

Metroid Prime
  • Meta-example: slowbeef proudly proclaiming his intent to scan the hell out of everything at the beginning... and missing the only pirate lore on the frigate.
    • All of slowbeef's early scanning counts, especially his complaints about the enemy names being unoriginal.
    Diabetus: Can you scan it?
    slowbeef: Hey, wait. Oh God, I can?
    Diabetus: I knew it.
    slowbeef: 'Tangle Weed'. Shut up. Tangle weed, what the fuck is that?
    Diabetus: Whatever biologist explored Tallon IV is the least creative person I've ever seen.
  • The Hurricane of Puns that ensues about halfway through the boss fight with Thardus. It is absolutely magmanificent.
  • Slowbeef's hatred of the inexplicably tough bendezium.
  • The abrupt Mood Whiplash when slowbeef first enters the Crashed Frigate, a masterpiece of Scenery Porn and Crowning Music of Awesome, only to find an unexpected surprise waiting for him...
    slowbeef: Oh, wow, this is absolutely breathtaking—flying pirates HERE?! UNDERWATER?!
  • The aptly named "Trainwreck with Khad/Toffile." Especially when slowbeef blows his stack against Khad about halfway through the video.
    • In later videos during the same recording session, slowbeef encounters Chozo Ghosts and Khad turns on the Ghostbusters theme, which screws with the audio recording. Slowbeef laughs the first time, though the humor wears off afterward.
    slowbeef: *echoing* Khad, it's going to loop our voices back into the microphone!
  • At one point, Samus' eye reflections render incorrectly, resulting in a brief glimpse of completely black eyes. Slowbeef ends up getting freaked out by it.
  • The microphone picking up Diabetus taking a piss. Even funnier considering that literally five seconds earlier, he shouted "I'm gonna pee now, I hope the microphone doesn't pick it up."
  • This particular line after talking about pancreatic cancer:
    slowbeef: Who needs a fucking pancreas? Right, Diabetus? ...Oh.
  • Back at the start of the LP, the jokes about planet Tallon IV's unimaginative name.
    Diabetus: You got a name for this planet? Tall...on- you already used that three times!
    slowbeef: We didn't even differentiate, you named all of these Tallon, there's like 20 of them.
    Diabetus: Oh well put Roman numerals after them, whaddaya want?!
    slowbeef: You always put Roman numerals on, they don't look cool!
    • Then they wonder if they're subtitling the planets, leading to "Tallon II: The Revenge", "Tallon III: A New Hope", "Tallon V: Back 2 Da Hood" and "Tallon VI: Return of Tallon"
    Diabetus: I never asked to be head of nomenclature.
    slowbeef: You are the coolest astronomer I know, you gotta get professional.

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
  • The episode-long Mac vs. PC debate between slowbeef and Proteus4994.
    • A suspiciously apropos scan in the same video:
    slowbeef: The problem with Khad is the minute he starts IMing you, it's like cancer or something where it doesn't really stop. But you just can't get rid of him then. And if you ignore him, it somehow just spurs him on even worse. Wait... "The Age of Anxiety".
  • Any time slowbeef attempts to pronounce Luminoth names.
  • Slowbeef's reaction to the Kinetic Orb Cannon:
    slowbeef: What...WHAT?! Wait a-wait a minute, WHAT?!...WHAT? What, but why-but why w-...That's the-that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard!
    Vicas: You never know when you're gonna need to shoot Kinetic Orbs around.
  • Slowbeef's encounter with the Grapple Guardian.
    slowbeef: This is going to be a long fight just because I'm stupid!
    • The Grapple Guardian disgusted him so much he spent the next two videos pissed off at everything. It's absolutely hilarious, especially when he gets to Chykka.
  • The first encounter with the Rezbit.
  • Diabetus and slowbeef doing multiplayer. All of it.
    • Everything from the 20:40 mark. "This is quality entertainment—solid gold standard."
    Diabetus: This music is awful.
    slowbeef: *laughing* It really is!
    Both: *nasal wail* Waaa, waa, waa waa waa waa waaaa metroid!
    Diabetus: Sounds like Nathan Lane singing about Metroid.
    • then when Slowbeef and Diabetus duel with Light Beams:
    slowbeef: Hey look who's got a Light Beam now, huh?! WHO'S GOT A LIGHT BEAM NOW, HUH?! HUH?! YOU'RE NOTHIN'!! LOOK AT YOU!!
    *slowbeef gets killed.*
    slowbeef: Wait, I died?
  • His reaction to finding the Screw Attack.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
  • Samus takes an... alternate path to return to her ship when the GFS Olympus is attacked.
    slowbeef: "Air Lock Cycling". ...oh! Air lock?
    Diabetus: Oh yeah, you're fucked.
    (Samus is blown out into space)
    slowbeef: Uhhh... why did we do that?
    • When it works, slowbeef rants incredulously about how Samus couldn't have possibly expected that to work.
  • The whole argument about Diabetus telling slowbeef that he's going the wrong way in episode 14.
  • Half of the entire LP consists of Take Thats against Other M. The funny parts are when they mock Sakamoto, though, which reaches its climax when slowbeef purposely mistranslates his developer's message in the beginning of Episode 13:
    Translation: Hello, this is Yoshio Sakamoto! It's not easy writing stories for Metroid... considering my functional illiteracy. Honestly, I don't really like Samus, and I don't want you to like her, either. I hate her and feel threatened by her. I will ruin this franchise. I'm just coming out and telling you. Fuck Metroid and fuck you.
    • There's also their impressions of Sakamoto whining about Metroid's story, in a baby voice.
    slowbeef: "Samus is a girl, therefore she cwies!"
    Diabetus: "Samus wants authowization!"
    slowbeef: "Men want to do her job!"
    Diabetus: "Tha's what women do!"
    slowbeef: "You can't go in the last area, you're a woman!"
    • "Samus is scared of Widley!" "Widley." "Widley."
  • Slowbeef and Diabetus quickly grow tired of the tendency for every boss in the game to have a Shockwave Stomp, culminating in Omega Ridley asking if his use of the move is original.
  • While Samus is infiltrating the Pirate Homeworld and a Phazite door slams down in front of her, Diabetus lampshades the poor excuse for backtracking.
    SLAM
    "FUCK YOU"
  • The beginning of video five:
    slowbeef: (After making Chip Cheezum's Mii) This would've been a lot funnier before I spent like, an hour with Diabetus having technical issues...
    Diabetus: Oh, me? It was just me?
    (Beat)
    slowbeef: ...Whatever. Go to hell.
    [...]
    slowbeef: (Heard untangling wires in the background) Now my fucking Wiimote's caught up in my Guitar Hero drums... Or, whatever. Fuck it.
    (Chip laughs)
    slowbeef: Damn it! ...Stupid... bullshit!!
    ChipCheezum: Let's play the drums!

Super Metroid Justin Bailey Hack
  • The entire first video; slowbeef initially starts out unimpressed, but as he plays more, he goes into a state of shock over how horrifying it is that someone made this.

Dead To Rights/Dead To Rights: Retribution
  • The Dead to Rights LP and its subsequent remake are both good, but a few moments do stand out, such as the prison with its cigarette-bartering system and Fahook's plane.
  • In the LP of the remake, they crack up during the 'bonding' father-son boxing match and then explore Jack's motivations. "Look Dad, I broke this guy's neck _and_ electrocuted him to death! *disturbed gleeful cackle* See, I don't need therapy!"
  • "I'M STUCK IN A CUTSCENE! WHY-HY-HYYYY!?!"
  • During the drowning scene in which slowbeef has to repeatedly mash buttons to keep Jack from drowning:
    slowbeef: What really sucks is if you fuck this up, it's just game over, but also your hand is pretty tired from masturba—I mean, from hitting the buttons.
  • From the remake: "Oh boy, Tseng's coked up and he knows kung fu." What really sells it is the completely blasť way slowbeef says it.
  • Also from the remake, slowbeef and Diabetus make fun of a moment detailing the games Artificial Stupidity When Shadow runs straight past a guard who simply keeps on walking.
    Diabetus (as guard): Oh, hey. A dog. Alright.
    Diabteus (as the guard watches Shadow tearing another guard apart): Tough day Steve?
  • In this one room in the last level of Retribution, the enemies stop firing at Jack Slate, and start trying to just run past him. Slowbeef and Diabetus theorize that they are on the hospital's gym.
  • slowbeef says at the start of the original LP that the game is actually pretty good. He desperately continues to push this claim throughout the LP even as he's constantly making fun of it and talking about how much it sucks.
  • Jack Slate's penchant for Lame Comebacks rarely goes unnoticed.
    Jack Slate: Get outta here, this place is about the get deadly. And for God's sake, put some clothes on!
    slowbeef: Yeah, woman! And make me a sandwich!
    Diabteus: And then take it up with city hall!

Snatcher (Video LP)
  • The comments on how important words are always capitalized in conversations.
    slowbeef: Why? Are you looking for SNATCHERS?!?
    Diabetus: (whispering) Keep your voice down. Of course I'm looking for (shouting) SNATCHERS!
  • After repeatedly handing over large sums of money to Napoleon in exchange for information, the duo spends the next 5 minutes commenting on Gillian's negotiation skills.
    slowbeef: Here are my car keys and my gun.
    Diabetus: Take the Turbo Cruiser. Do you want Metal Gear?
    (after a few minutes, slowbeef tries giving Napoleon cash again, only for Metal Gear to comment that they don't need any more information)
    slowbeef: Oh look, Metal Gear stopped him.
    Diabetus: Thank Metal Gear. Give Metal Gear all your cash.

SD Snatcher
  • Most of this LP is in screenshot format, but slowbeef's reaction to one particular event warranted a video response.
    slowbeef: I went through a goddamn mirror maze to fight a robot in a panda suit.

Golgo 13
  • This comment on the stealth bombers;
    dave_o: The pilots of this are really stupid. You know, it's like "There's some dude flying behind us, shooting the hell out of the plane." "Just keep flying straight, he'll go away."
    slowbeef: "Haha. Fuck him!"
    dave_o: "Forget about 'im. Look, he's wearing a motorcycle helmet. What could he do?"
  • In the first episode, Slowbeef gets caught LPing at work by his boss, who joins in the LP.

Sartak's Jeopardy mod with Diabetus and dave_o
  • "Why does Alex Trebek look like someone tapped him on the scrotum every time you pick a question?"
  • As slowbeef complains about not having played most of the games in the categories:
    dave_o: Slowbeef, I don't think there are many categories about obscure Hideo Kojima games that you have to translate on your own.
  • From the Parasite Eve category:
    Answer: The final battle ensues with this offspring of the title character.
    dave_o: The answer... is Eve.
    Sartak: No.
    Diabetus: What is Parasite Eve?
    • Additionally, slowbeef's reaction to dave_o correctly guessing "the Chrysler Building" out of nowhere, as well as Diabetus's future responses defaulting to the same guess.
  • This little gem from the Fallout 2 category:
    Answer: This device can turn the barren wasteland into lush, verdant landscape.
    Diabetus: What is Bob Ross?
  • From the end of the Fallout 2 clues:
    dave_o: Who wrote this question?
    Sartak: Dancing With Ferrets.
    dave_o: What is his answer?
    Sartak: "The Enclave".
    dave_o: What a queer. You hear that, Dancing With Ferrets?
    (slowbeef explodes into laughter)
    dave_o: You're so queer you're killing slowbeef with laughter.
    slowbeef: I'm a little dizzy from that.
  • From the Final Fantasy IX category:
    Answer: The skill you must learn to be able to use Zidane's ultimate attack.
    dave_o: I think the answer is autism.
  • After the winner (it's slowbeef) is declared, one of the parting quips (from dave_o):
    "Congratulations, you are the least likely to have sex."
  • In their bonus round when they play a normal game of Jeopardy!:
    Answer: They're able to stand on end due to small erector muscles.
    slowbeef: It's hair! Wait is that right?
    dave_o: I don't know. You'd know all about small erector muscles.
  • Their reaction to the "Turtles" category. Also, from one of the clues:
    Answer: Dr. Seuss said this fictional turtle he created was a caricature of Adolf Hitler.
    Diabetus: Dr. Seuss was a badass!

Resident Evil 5 Multiplayer with Diabetus (and Cherrydoom at the end)
  • There's the Running Gag of wanting to find and pick up eggs so that the other player can request them.
  • RE5 - Wesker/Chris Facility
    Diabetus: Well you know, Chris and Wesker aren't really on the best of terms.
    slowbeef: That's the thing, you know, they don't really like each other. I think it had to do with, like Twitter.
    Diabetus: Yeah, I think it was some kind of YouTube drama.
  • Wesker/Chris in the Facility - Take Two
    During a tense moment...
    slowbeef: Fuck me!
    Diabetus: After we're done!
    slowbeef: (chuckles) Don't tell the Internet!
  • RE5 - Jill/Sheva in the Ancient Ruins
    slowbeef: This guy tried to impale me and he completely missed. I'm talking about his spear. I'm talking about his wooden spear. I'm talking about his wooden spear without any sort of innuendo whatsoever.
    Diabetus: Look, dicks, okay?
    slowbeef: Read my fanfiction, that's what I'm getting at!
    Diabetus: Please! It's all I have.
    slowbeef: "Jill and Shee—Sheva were caught in the ruins." I got yelled at for calling her "Sheeva" the other day.
    Diabetus: What, like at work?
    slowbeef: (chuckles) Yes, at work. My boss was really upset with me.
    ...
    slowbeef: I have, like eight guys on my ass.
    Diabetus: There's like a fan club following you!
    slowbeef: Yeah, I noticed! Ohh good God!
    Diabetus: (in "old-timey newsroom" voice) "Jill! Jill, we love your work! Jill!"
    slowbeef: (also assuming the voice) "Jill! Jill Valentine!"
    Diabetus: "Jill, can we please have a word?"
    slowbeef: "Resident Evil 3 was the greatest, rahhh! We're a tribe in Africa but this is how we talk, rahhh!"
    Diabetus: 1920s Africa.
  • RE5 - And Now Something for the Ladies
    Diabetus: Yeah, I'm doing just great over here.
    slowbeef: Um... keep in mind that visual jokes don't really work on my end.
    Diabetus: No, trust me, I'm doing great!
    (slowbeef's screen shows Wesker (Diabetus) getting floored by an Executioner's hammer)
    slowbeef: Ooh, ahh... all right.

Revenge of Shinobi for the "Hard Games Thread"
  • His claiming to have a letter from Sega's lawyers when he comes across something in the game that is particularly lawyer-baiting and how said letters claim said thing is not what it appears to be ripping off (Except for Spider-Man and Godzilla)
  • His joking about how Joe Musashi might be an Italian ninja who got his weapons from Rocco Takahashi and Hattori Hanzo (AKA The Gooch)

Cave Story+ Hard Mode
  • Any time slowbeef compares Diabetus' stream to his.
  • Halfway through Session 8, slowbeef reaches the Outer Wall, and spends the next half-hour getting killed repeatedly by what he dubs 'ghost cats'. He eventually manages to get through by making a panicked run up the last section.
  • In Session 11, slowbeef, Diabetus, and Proteus start joking around about Retsupurae merchandise. At several points, slowbeef screws up the game because he's laughing too hard.
  • In session 12, slowbeef and co. start discussing how DarksydePhil would handle Cave Story.

Dark Souls

Psychonauts
  • His reaction to Emotional Baggage.
    slowbeef: My god, it's as if Diabetus wrote this whole fuckin' game.
  • The entire boss battle with The Phantom.

Other
  • The Justin Bailey Special, an old video where slowbeef shows Diabetus a very... special ROM hack of Metroid II. He claims that he didn't photoshop this, and that it's completely real before revealing the title:
    METROID II:
    SAMUS BARES ALL
    • They react about as well as you'd expect, and it gets even more hilarious when Samus's sprite shows up.
    Diabetus: Is that Samus, or an Orc?
    slowbeef: It's like she's punching herself in the face! [...] It's like an anchovy with legs!
    • The joke about P3:Industry (the makers of said ROM hack) also makes them wonder if there was a P1 or P2:Industry.
    Diabetus: In case you weren't enticed by my ROM hack, let me show you my gallery...
    • slowbeef's claim of "I think we can emphatically state we are not doing the rest of this game. At least not tonight."
  • In the Something Awful Let's Race thread video, Slowbeef is racing scarboy and ProtonJon in world 1 of Super Mario Bros. 3. After having a decent lead over the other 2 racers up to the final stage (an auto-scrolling stage which should have guaranteed him victory) slowbeef ends up coming in last place when he forgets to press A at the pre-level cutscene. Watch it here.
SeaNannersFunny/Let's PlaySo Totally Toby

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