And, when they're in the caves underneath Gordon's house:
Valkyrie: What is that?
Skulduggery: That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.
Valkyrie: You don't know what it is, do you?
Skulduggery: I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.
Most scenes involving Billy-Ray Sanguine.
After a fight, Sanguine disappears into the ground. Thinking he's gone, Tanith insults him, only to have him pop back up again. There's a bit of Witty Banter between Valkyrie, Tanith, and Sanguine, and then we get this:
Sanguine: When you have served your purpose, I swear to you I'm gonna kill you for free.
Valkyrie: So, if that had been our code, and Dragonclaw had told you that all we have to do is pull a lever, how would you have worked the sparrow flies south for winter into the conversation?
Skulduggery: I would have said Ok, Bison, so you're sure we only need to pull a lever? And he would have said Yes, and I'd have said Excellent, thank you. Did you know, by the way, that the sparrow flies south for winter? And then I'd have punched him.
Hell, anything involving Bison Dragonclaw can count.
The sparrow flies south for winter makes a return in Kingdom of the Wicked. And it is just as funny as it sounds.
Skulduggery: I also think Valkyrie's ex-boyfriend will come in handy here.
Ravel: *frowning* The dead vampire?
Valkyrie: *glaring* I think he means Fletcher.
Ravel: Oh. Sorry.
Valkyrie: Caelan was never my boyfriend.
Ravel: I didn't mean to-
Ghastly: We don't talk about Caelan.
Ravel: I'm really sorry, Valkyrie. Fletcher's great. He's wonderful. I'm sure he'd be delighted to help, and having a teleporter around will certainly solve some problems. We'll arrange that, we'll get him over to you, start the ball rolling, as it were. Once again, sorry about bring up the vampire.
Serpine's "did you get lost on your way to kill me?" comment in Kingdom of the Wicked was quite funny in a very dark way.
At the start of Kingdom Of the Wicked we get one of the greatest moments in current literature- the Butterfly Scene.
Also at the start is how Desmond gets rid of a date he set up for Stephanie- he tells them Stephanie has diarrhea. Valkyrie puts it best:
Valkyrie: Mum? Kill him for me will you?
Kenspeckle getting ready for his date. Bingo.
Valkyrie: You're all dressed up. You never get dressed up. Are you...? Do you have a date?
Kenspeckle: Why do you sound so surprised? Because I'm old, is that it? Because I'm an old man and old people shouldn't go out on dates? Because we don't need love or companionship, and we don't get lonely? Is that it? Is that why you're so surprised I have a date?
Kenspeckle: Ah. Yes. I am rather grumpy. But what can I say? Some women like that.
Valkyrie: What women?
Kenspeckle: Women with low expectations.
Valkyrie teasing Skulduggery about his unrequited love of Grace Kelly.
In Kingdom of the Wicked, Alternate Lord Vile'sreaction to seeing Skulduggery and Skulduggery's little wave back.
At the end of the incredible fight between Mevolent and Darquesse Darquesse begins smashing him with fence posts. She stops and Mevolent tries to recover his bearings, and Darquesse hits him with a horse
"Your hair Fletcher. It defies logic and reason."
It's very dark, but in Kingdom of the Wicked Valkyrie is having a conversation with Alternate!Mevolent and we get this little piece:
Alternate!Mevolent: "Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I'm ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don't have dragon wings, I don't breathe fire, I'm only eight feet tall and I've never eaten a baby that didn't have it coming."
Erskine Ravel gives Fletcher a pager, which is programmed to incapacitate him when a certain phrase is uttered. This phrase would naturally need to be something that nobody would ever say under normal conditions. What is the phrase? "Your hair is really cool."
Ghastly after the Dead Men slide down a water slide. "I think I may have lost a nipple up there."
Behold! Grand Mage China Sorrows. The most honest politician in the history of literature.