- Jude doing anything.
- "Who needs a blender when you've got an industrial strength fan!"
- When Jonesy demonstrates the proper mechanics of kissing a chick, Jude gets a little caught up in the moment, and full on kisses him!
- When the guys are watching boring security videos and then come across a parody of Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" video where Ron starts dancing around the mall and eventually flies. Cut to the guys staring at the screen, jaws dropped.
- The look on Nikki's face when a new girl who resembles the Clones wants a job at the Khaki Barn and they start talking.
Nikki: They're breeding.
- The toilet incident in "Boo, Dude".
- The boob bowl from Unhappy Anniversary, and the fact that Cartoon Network aired the episode uncut!
- Wyatt hasn't had his caffeine for the day, so when Jen and Caitlin show up in silly Santa hats, all he can say is, "If I wasn't so tired I'd be laughing at those hats."
- In one of the Christmas specials, Wayne refuses to set up a Christmas movie display. Wyatt argues that they should have one, as watching Christmas movies is a yearly ritual for many people. Wayne's response?
Wayne: "Getting a colonoscopy is a yearly ritual for many people too, but that doesn't mean I want a colonoscopy display in my store."
- When Nikki wants to get out of helping a customer in "Over Exposed", she throws some Blatant Lies at him.
"Excuse me." [He is ignored.]
"Uh, miss?" Nikki:
"Sorry, I don't speak English." Stuart Goldstein:
"Yes, I'm looking for a cardigan? It's a warm–" Nikki:
"Um, I'm really sorry. I have no idea what you're saying." Chrissy:
"Nikki, could you join us?" Nikki:
"Excuse us." [She follows Chrissy.] Stuart Goldstein: [annoyed]
"That sounded like English to me.
- Deadpan Snarker Nikki gets in a couple in "The New Jonesy" in response to her boyfriend's posturing.
- When Jonesy gets a job as the "after" in a before-and-after cosmetics campaign:
Jonesy: "Not face cream, man gel. Part of Huntington's new line of male products. They're launching a before-and-after campaign, and I landed the gig as the after, natch."
Nikki: [snickering] "More like the morning after."
- After Jonesy learns that Jen likes him:
Jonesy: "You're totally jonesing for Jonesy! Once you've got it, there's no cure for Jonesy fever."
Nikki: "How about penicillin?"
- Once again, after bumping into Jen:
Jonesy: "Whoa, careful! Hands off there, Jen. You may have the hots for the Jonesmiester, but the slab of gorgeous man-meat you see before you is taken."
Nikki: [tossing her hot dog away] "And there goes my lunch."
- Tim's first appearance when he interviews Wyatt.
Tim: '"Hi Wyatt, I'm Tim."
Wyatt: "Hi Tim!"
Tim: "Did I tell you that you could call me Tim?"
Wyatt: "Well, that was how you introduced your–"
Tim: "You can call me sir. Wyatt, there are three ways to do things here: the right way, the wrong way, and my way."
Wyatt: "Is your way the right way?"
Wyatt: "So...wouldn't there just be two ways to do things then?"
Tim: [standing up] "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you interviewing me today? Because I thought I was interviewing you." [calling to the employees] "I don't hear any singing!"
Employees: [singing] "My burger lies over the ocean/My burger lies over the sea/And if I could send you my burger/How yummy and tasty it'd be!"
Tim: "Do you like music, Wyatt?"
Wyatt: "Actually I sing, play guitar, and write my own songs."
Tim: "Are you going to answer my question or just waste my time?"
Wyatt: [timidly] "I like music."
Tim: "Good. Some people think it's silly to sing for the customers. Do you think it's silly to sing for the customers?"
Tim: "I do. I think it's silly to sing for the customers. That's why we don't."
Wyatt: "You don't?"
Tim: "No. We don't. We sing for the meat. You talk to a houseplant and it grows faster–fact! You sing to meat, it tastes better. Also fact. This is the Burger Bible, it has all of our songs in it. Learn them." [calling to the employees] "Let's get that singing 8% louder, people!" [to Wyatt] "You start tomorrow."
- Also, from the same episode, this interaction with Jonesy over Jonesy wanting to work the register:
"If you got a job at the airport, they wouldn't let you fly a plane." Jonesy:
"They would if I was a pilot!" Tim:
"Are you a pilot, Jonesy?
- Ron trying to sell a blouse in "The New Guy".
Ron: "Great choice, ma'am. That dress is good for so many reasons. It's sleeveless, making it great for grappling and close combat. And the lining makes great compression bandages for seeping wounds." [holding out a pair of pantyhose] "Get a pair of these, and you can use them as a garrote. You're all set for urban assault, soldier!"
- Also, when he tries to get Wyatt back together with Serena.
"What is your major malfunction, soldier!
He loves you! So fall back in love with him! Do you hear me!" [Serena runs out of the store screaming.] Wyatt: [ashamed]
"You can thank me later."
- Another Ron example, this one from the third season's "Mr. and Mr. Perfect":
Ron: [trying to woo Yummy Mummy]
"You smell very nice. Like, uh, flowers and oranges and burning rubber!" [Yummy Mummy gasps and slaps Ron across his face before storming off.] Ron: [desperate]
"I love the scent of burning rubber in the morning!
" [to Stanley]
"Tell me, young man, what's your mom looking for in a romantic relationship?" [Stanley kicks Ron in the shin.] Stanley: [running after his mother]