Funny / Sister Act

The first movie

  • This exchange.
    Mother Superior: There are three vows every nun must take: poverty-
    Deloris: Mmm-hmm.
    Mother Superior: Obedience-
    Deloris: Mmm-hmm.
    Mother Superior: ...and chastity.
    Deloris: I am outta here!
  • And who can forget her attempt at the prayer before dinner? "Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts ... and, yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I shall fear no hunger. We want you to give us this day our daily bread ... and to the republic for which it stands ... by the power vested in me, I now pronounce us, ready to eat. Amen."
  • Watch Deloris sneak a tomato into her robes when Mary Lazarus isn't looking. Watch her try to come up with a name for her old convent from the lounge she used to sing at.
  • The choir's reaction when Mary Lazarus claims she knows what Deloris and Mother Superior are up to ("You think I took vows yesterday"): "You're here to replace me, out with the old!" (All the nuns excitedly chatter and beg Deloris to take over) "There's a word for this: mutiny."
  • Followed by Deloris and Mary Lazarus discussing how hard teaching the choir to reach their potential is going to be.
    Deloris: This is gonna be Hell.
    Mary Lazarus: Tell me about it.
  • In the same scene, Deloris working to get Mary Robert to project by telling her about a noisy room full of people: "People shouting, dropping things, waitresses saying 'What're ya gonna have?' Your voice has to carry over all that, to the back, where I'm listening, straining to hear you."
  • Sister Alma, who plays the piano for the choir, becomes distracted and doesn't hear when Deloris asks her to play an A. Her line afterward is priceless: "ALMA! (Stomps on the floor) Check your battery."
  • The Stinger for when Deloris, Mary Patrick, and Mary Robert leave the bar (which itself was a series of great comedic moments): "This turns into a nun's bar, I'm outta here." (In San Francisco, no less!)
  • How Deloris manages to stay in character as a nun but still make her wishes known—from grabbing one guy by the ear and telling him "Young man, take your feet down off that stool!" to when one asks her to dance ("Why? You ain't got no rhythm.").
  • An adult movie and book store is across the street from the church. Deloris gets people to avoid it by having two nuns just standing in front and greeting people kindly.
  • Mary Patrick street dancing with some local girls. When the girls and Mary Clarence walk away, you get the feeling that it's not that she is embarrassing them or that she is being made fun of, but that they like her and find it funny.
  • To celebrate the choir's success, the nuns sneak some ice cream.
    Sister Mary Lazarus: This is a sin! It's a shameless indulgence! ...Didn't you get any butter pecan?
  • Later, after Deloris is kidnapped, Mary Patrick asks why anyone would kidnap a nun. Mary Lazarus has her own question: "Were they Catholic?"
  • At the Moonlight Lounge, Reverend Mother tells the sisters to spread out and look for Mary Clarence. She adds, "Try to blend in." Let us repeat: She asks a bunch of nuns to blend in inside a casino. The overhead shot of them all spreading out through the casino, decidedly not blending in, makes it.
    • Even funnier, Sister Mary Ignatius takes this advice by playing a slot machine—and wins the jackpot before Reverend Mother pulls her away.
    • Vince, Joey, and Willy basically going crazy when the other nuns show up, because they canít tell which one is Deloris. Culminating in Vince following the wrong one:
    Vince: Hey, babe.
    Sister Mary Lazarus: *turns around* Yeah, sweetheart?
  • Another casino moment: Deloris is walking through the crowd (in full habit) and tells a gambler to make a particular roulette bet. When he shoots her a "Why?" look, she simply gestures to her outfit, then upward. Every other gambler rushes to put their money on the same square...which promptly loses. They all angrily look at Deloris, who shrugs and claims that she was teaching them a lesson about gambling as a sin.
  • Better than that is when Joey and Willy are having problems killing Deloris because she's dressed like a nun.
    Willy: Well, Vince, how do you know she didn't join up and become a real nun while she was there? Things like this happen.
  • Then they try a 'one, two, three, shoot', but both chicken out. Finally, they untie Deloris and tell her to take off "the, uh, the, uh, nun-thing." She falls to her knees.
    Joey: What is she doing?
    Willy: Oh my God, she's praying.
    Deloris: Lord, I want you to forgive Willy and Joey, because they know not what they do. They're only doin' what Vince told 'em to do, because Vince is too chicken to do it himself! So he's called upon these two men to take care of his business! So I want you to forgive them, Lord. Espectum, espertum, cacoomb, Tutu, eplubium. Amen!
    Willy and Joey: (cross themselves) Amen.
    (Deloris whacks them both in their crotches and darts off)
  • The scene where the nuns lay their guilt trip on the helicopter pilot.

The second movie

  • Mary Patrick teaches sex education. Her take on sex? "You don't have to bite the doughnut to know it's sweet."
  • Deloris/Mary Clarence's TV-preacher style defense of Maria, a student who doesn't know the words to "Mary Had a Little Lamb."
  • At the climax, the male teachers of St. Francis, all priests, lock superintendent Mr. Krisp in a closet so he can't reveal the truth about "Mary Clarence" using Father Wolfgang's German Salami. As they hurry away, Father Thomas crosses himself and says, "Holy Father in Heaven forgive us—we know exactly what we do!"
  • Reverend Mother's benediction to Mr. Krisp: "Go with God, Krispy." And in the same vein, Mary Clarence's Deadpan Snarker response to his claim that the school has no money: "Yet they manage to pay you, Krispy."
  • Right after that, Dolores asks exactly what she can teach, and a baseball crashes through the office window. Krisp picks it up and irritably says, "Teach them to play soccer." Father Maurice replies, "We haven't got the balls for that!". Dolores and Krisp both give him odd looks.
  • The constant mispronouncing of Mary Clarence's last name by Mr. Krisp in the Italian version, where it's 'Claretta', especially on the first meeting, where he calls her 'Maria Clarinetta' (Mary Clarinet) and she answers him by saying she's 'an instrument of the Lord'.
  • The priests being driven to the choir competition by Drives Like Crazy Father Thomas:
    Father Maurice: Brother Thomas, you see that device attached to the steering wheel? That's a turn signal. Perhaps if you used it, the other drivers wouldn't be so hostile.
    Father Ignatius: Brother Thomas, perhaps one of us who possesses a driver's license should drive instead...
    • Followed by a Mass "Oh, Crap!" when Thomas distractedly ends up in the wrong lane, a semi truck bearing down on them. A "Jesus Christ" from Krisp accompanies this—it's unclear whether the invocation is a prayer or a swear.

The musical

  • The Monsignor's gradual transformation into a Vegas style emcee.