Funny: Shanghai Noon
Owen Wilson: Baby sister.
(Jackie jumps on a tarp as part of one of the fight scenes, and falls right through it)
(Jackie falls through a hole in the set, and we hear a truly amazing crash)
Jackie Chan: You're supposed to catch me.
Jackie Chan: (whispering) "That which you have promised, you must perform?"
(phone rings offscreen)
Jackie Chan: (whispering) Hello?
- "We're men, we're not pinatas!"
- When the guys read their wanted posters.
Roy: The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!
Chon Wang: I know. I'm not from Shanghai.
- Jeddediah to his wife on the Imperial Guardsmen: "They're not Indians, woman. They're Jews!"
- "Could be worse. At least it's not a white guy."
- In the final shootout when all of Roy's shots completely miss Van Cleef, who takes a smoke break behind a pillar:
Van Cleef: How do you survive out here?
Roy: What's that supposed to mean? These aren't my...! These guns are really weird!
Van Cleef: Why don't you turn and face me like a man?
Roy: Why don't you do it your way and I'll do it my way?
- Van Cleef's own Premortem One Liner.
Van Cleef: How in the hell did that happen?
- Another great line from Van Cleef at the start of the climax:
Well, what do you know, it's a Mexican Standoff
...only we ain't got no Mexicans.
- As Chon and Lo Fong fight inside the large bell, Lo Fong slams the clapper into the bell to try to incapacitate Chon, but the sound is so deafening, both men drop the fight and run out of the bell.
- Roy is a little more than annoyed when Chon pledges his allegiance to his emperor even when he's ready to be hanged.
: Yeah, John
, I've heard all about the emperor. Must be a hell of a guy.
Chon: He is only 12 years old.
Roy: Are you kidding? You're sitting here with a noose around your neck ready to die for a kid whose balls haven't even dropped?!
- When Chon and Roy get broken out of jail by Chon's wife.
Roy: Hey, a pretty lady...
Chon: That's my wife.
Roy: Your wife? How long have you been in the country?
Chon: Four days.
Roy: Nice work!