Funny: Serenity

  • At the beginning:
    Wash: If Kaylee doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
    Mal: Define "interesting".
    Wash: "Oh God oh God we're all gonna die"?
    Mal: [over intercom] This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we might experience some slight turbulence, and then... explode. [to Wash] Can you shave the vector?
    Wash: I'm doing it, it's not enough.
    Mal: Well, just get us on the ground.
    Wash: That part'll happen pretty definitely!
    • "We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!"
    • You can't leave out how all that starts out: We have an epically beautiful shot of Serenity on land approach, badass music blasting over the roar of atmo entry (the one time where Space Is Noisy is justified), and...**WHUMP** Oops, there goes the primary buffer panel.
    • Also can't forget how that comes up again right at the end, just as the reborn Serenity goes full burn...and loses a tail piece. With the same tone and inflection.
  • When fleeing from the Reavers:
    Jayne: I won't get et! You shoot me if they take me!
    [Mal aims pistol squarely at Jayne]
    Jayne: Well, don't shoot me first!
  • As River fights in the bar:
    Fanty: Do you know that girl?
    Mal: I really don't.
  • Kaylee after Simon confesses his feelings for her:
    Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you.
    Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in sex?
    Simon (flustered): I... mean to say.
    Kaylee: To Hell with this. (Dramatic Gun Cock) I'm gonna live!
  • When they enter the bar:
  • After the Reaver chase at the beginning:
    Simon: River! Are you alright?
    River: I swallowed a bug...
  • This exchange:
    Mal: You want to run this ship?!
    Jayne: Yes!
    Mal: [thrown off] ...Well, you can't!
  • Those grenades Mal didn't want Jayne to take along... one Reaver ship later:
    Jayne: "Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?"
  • A guard at the company the crew is robbing asks for a password. Jayne fires his machine gun.
    • The guard then discussing where he wants to be shot (so he can avoid punishment for allowing the robbery to take place), with him and Mal debating the merits of a bullet through various areas of human anatomy.
      Mal: The leg is good, it'll bleed plenty, and we avoid any necessary organs.
      Guard: I was thinking more of a graze...
      Mal: Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up.
  • Jayne calling for Mal when the Reavers arrive:
    Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!
  • If you ever think you're alone, check the ceiling for Ceiling River.
  • ‎"I've staked my crew's life on the theory you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now." *click* "... or... we could talk more."
  • "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me!
  • Mal sneaking into the Companion's Guild's building by dressing like a woman, then kneeling next to Inara as she meditates in front of a Buddha statue.
    Mal: Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...
  • "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."
    • Even funnier because Inara's "WTF?" reaction was a silent Funny Background Event. Mal knew Inara well enough to expect her reaction.
  • When the Operative and Mal first meet, and Mal tries to goad him:
    The Operative: Captain Reynolds, I should tell you so that you don't waste your time; you cannot make me angry.
    Inara: Please, spend an hour with him.
    Mal: Looks pleased and proud for a second, then he realizes what Inara said and gives her a swift glare. Hey!
    • Brick Joke'd a while later when Mal does, in fact, succeed in pissing him off.
  • This exchange between Mal and the Operative:
    The Operative: I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed.
    Mal: Good. (He whips out his pistol and shoots the Operative. He turns to leave, and the Operative jumps him from behind.)
    The Operative: I am of course wearing full body armor. I am not a moron.
  • At the heist at the beginning, they open the safe door...only to find almost nothing in it.
  • In the midst of River's breakdown:
    Simon: Am I.. talking to Miranda now?
    River: (Shoots him a look of hilarious contempt that just says "You're a boob.")
  • When several of the crew are eavesdropping on Mal and Inara's conversation, they groan and throw popcorn at the screen when Mal claims that Kaylee has been missing Inara.
    • And of course, Zoe and Mal's assessment of that conversation.
    Zoe: So...trap?
    Mal: Trap.
    • A bit later, Mal explains his reasons for knowing said conversation was bait for a trap:
    Kaylee: How do you know Inara don't just... wanna see you? People do have feelings.
    Mal: You all were watchin', I take it?
    *awkward silence*
    Kaylee: ...yes.
    Kaylee: No.
    Mal: Trap.
    • There's also an amusing outtake where Mal puts a Surrounded by Idiots spin on that last line: "TRAP!!"
  • The Operative, normally the absolute epitome of Cool, completely losing his shit on seeing the Reavers.
    '''SOMEBODY, FIRE!!!!"
  • This exchange between Mal and the Operative in the generator room:
    Operative: [re: Mal's determination to get the word out about Miranda] Are you willing to die for that belief?
    Mal: I am.
    [a Beat, then Mal whips out his gun and opens fire, forcing the Operative to seek cover]
    Mal: ...'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A.
  • Mr. Universe marrying his love-bot.
    Mr. Universe: She wrote her own vows. I cried, like a baby. A hungry, angry baby.