- At the beginning:
Wash: If Kaylee doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define "interesting".
Wash: "Oh God oh God we're all gonna die"?
Mal: [over intercom] This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we might experience some slight turbulence, and then... explode. [to Wash] Can you shave the vector?
Wash: I'm doing it, it's not enough.
Mal: Well, just get us on the ground.
Wash: That part'll happen pretty definitely!
- "We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!"
- You can't leave out how all that starts out: We have an epically beautiful shot of Serenity on land approach, badass music blasting over the roar of atmo entry (the one time where Space Is Noisy is justified), and...**WHUMP** Oops, there goes the primary buffer panel.
- Also can't forget how that comes up again right at the end, just as the reborn Serenity goes full burn...and loses a tail piece.
- When fleeing from the Reavers:
Jayne: I won't get et! You shoot me if they take me!
[Mal aims pistol squarely at Jayne]
Jayne: Well, don't shoot me first!
- As River fights in the bar:
Fanty: Do you know that girl?
Mal: I really don't.
- Kaylee after Simon confesses his feelings for her:
: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you. Kaylee
: With me? You mean to say... as in sex? Simon
I... mean to say. Kaylee
: To Hell with this. (Dramatic Gun Cock)
I'm gonna live!
- When they enter the bar:
- After the Reaver chase at the beginning:
- This exchange:
- Those grenades Mal didn't want Jayne to take along... one Reaver ship later:
Jayne: "Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?"
- A guard at the company the crew is robbing asks for a password. Jayne fires his machine gun.
- The guard then discussing where he wants to be shot (so he can avoid punishment for allowing the robbery to take place), with him and Mal debating the merits of a bullet through various areas of human anatomy.
Mal: The leg is good, it'll bleed plenty, and we avoid any necessary organs.
Guard: I was thinking more of a graze...
Mal: Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up.
- Jayne calling for Mal when the Reavers arrive:
Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!
- If you ever think you're alone, check the ceiling for Ceiling River.
- "I've staked my crew's life on the theory you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now." *click* "... or... we could talk more."
- "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me!
- Mal sneaking into the Companion's Guild's building by dressing like a woman, then kneeling next to Inara as she meditates in front of a Buddha statue.
Mal: Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...
- "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."
- Even funnier because Inara's "WTF?" reaction was a silent Funny Background Event. Mal knew Inara well enough to expect her reaction.
- When the Operative and Mal first meet, and Mal tries to goad him:
The Operative: Captain Reynolds, I should tell you so that you don't waste your time; you cannot make me angry.
Inara: Please, spend an hour with him.
Mal: Looks pleased and proud for a second, then he realizes what Inara said and gives her a swift glare. Hey!
- Brick Joke'd a while later when Mal does, in fact, succeed in pissing him off.
- This exchange between Mal and the Operative:
- At the heist at the beginning, they open the safe door...only to find almost nothing in it.
- In the midst of River's breakdown:
Simon: Am I.. talking to Miranda now?
River: (Shoots him a look of hilarious contempt that just says "You're a boob.")
- When several of the crew are eavesdropping on Mal and Inara's conversation, they groan and throw popcorn at the screen when Mal claims that Kaylee has been missing Inara.
- And of course, Zoe and Mal's assessment of that conversation.
- A bit later, Mal explains his reasons for knowing said conversation was bait for a trap:
Kaylee: How do you know Inara don't just... wanna see you? People do have feelings.
Mal: You all were watchin', I take it?
- There's also an amusing outtake where Mal puts a Surrounded by Idiots spin on that last line: "TRAP!!"
- GET OUT OF THE WAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
- The Operative, normally the absolute epitome of Cool, completely losing his shit on seeing the Reavers.
- This exchange between Mal and the Operative in the generator room:
Operative: [re: Mal's determination to get the word out about Miranda] Are you willing to die for that belief?
Mal: I am.
[a Beat, then Mal whips out his gun and opens fire, forcing the Operative to seek cover]
Mal: ...'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A.
- Mr. Universe marrying his love-bot.