Funny / Serenity

  • At the beginning:
    Wash: If [Kaylee] doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
    Mal: Define "interesting".
    Wash: [deadpan] "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die"?
    Mal: [over intercom] This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we might experience some slight turbulence, and then... explode. [to Wash] Can you shave the vector?
    Wash: I'm doing it, it's not enough.
    Mal: Well, just get us on the ground.
    Wash: That part'll happen pretty definitely!
    Jayne: [out in the hallway] We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!
    • You can't leave out how all that starts out: We have an epically beautiful shot of Serenity on land approach, badass music blasting over the roar of atmo entry (the one time where Space Is Noisy is justified), and...**WHUMP** Oops, there goes the primary buffer panel.
    • Also can't forget how that comes up again right at the end, just as the reborn Serenity goes full burn... and loses a tail piece. With the same tone and inflection.
  • When fleeing from the Reavers:
    Jayne: I won't get et! You shoot me if they take me!
    [Mal aims pistol squarely at Jayne]
    Jayne: Well, don't shoot me first!
  • When the mule crashes into the bay, Kaylee hurries over to ask Simon if he's okay, despite the fact that he's done literally nothing dangerous.
    Mal: [indignantly squawks] Is HE okay?!
  • As River fights in the bar:
    Fanty: Do you know that girl?
    Mal: I really don't.
  • Kaylee after Simon confesses his feelings for her:
    Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you.
    Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in sex?
    Simon: [flustered] I... mean to say.
    Kaylee: To Hell with this. [Dramatic Gun Cock] I'm gonna live!
  • When they enter the bar:
  • After the Reaver chase at the beginning:
    Simon: River! Are you alright?
    River: I swallowed a bug...
  • This exchange:
    Mal: You want to run this ship?!
    Jayne: Yes!
    Mal: [thrown off] ...Well, you can't!
  • Those grenades Mal didn't want Jayne to take along... one Reaver ship later:
    Jayne: Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?
  • A guard at the company the crew is robbing asks for a password. Jayne fires his machine gun.
    Guard: Okay!
    • The guard then discussing where he wants to be shot (so he can avoid punishment for allowing the robbery to take place), with him and Mal debating the merits of a bullet through various areas of human anatomy.
      Mal: The leg is good, it'll bleed plenty, and we avoid any necessary organs.
      Guard: I was thinking more of a graze...
      Mal: Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up.
  • Jayne calling for Mal when the Reavers arrive:
    Mal: Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!
  • Also during the raid, Zoe and River's entirely non-verbal conversation when River scans the hostages and points out the one who's going to try and cause trouble:
    River: [Him.]
    Zoe: [Him?!]
    River: [Yes, him! Duh!]
  • If you ever think you're alone on Serenity, and you're having an intimate moment with the medic or mechanic of your dreams, check the ceiling in the event that Ceiling River is watching you fornicate.
  • "I've staked my crew's life on the theory you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now." *click* "... or... we could talk more."
  • "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me!
  • Mal sneaking into the Companion's Guild's building by dressing like a woman, then kneeling next to Inara as she meditates in front of a Buddha statue.
    Mal: Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...
  • "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."
    • Even funnier because Inara's "WTF?" reaction is a silent Funny Background Event. Mal knows Inara well enough to expect her reaction. He doesn't even turn to face her.
  • When the Operative and Mal first meet, and Mal tries to goad him:
    The Operative: Captain Reynolds, I should tell you so that you don't waste your time; you cannot make me angry.
    Inara: Please, spend an hour with him.
    Mal: [looks pleased and proud for a second, then realizes what Inara said and gives her a swift glare]
    • Brick Joke'd a while later when Mal does, in fact, succeed in pissing him off.
  • This exchange between Mal and the Operative:
    The Operative: I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed.
    Mal: Good. [He whips out his pistol and shoots the Operative. He turns to leave, and the Operative jumps him from behind.]
    The Operative: I am of course wearing full body armor. I am not a moron.
  • At the heist at the beginning, they open the safe door... only to find almost nothing in it.
  • In the midst of River's breakdown:
    Simon: Am I... talking to Miranda now?
    [River shoots him a look of hilarious contempt that just says "You're a boob."]
  • When several of the crew are eavesdropping on Mal and Inara's conversation, they groan and throw popcorn at the screen when Mal claims that Kaylee has been missing Inara.
    • And of course, Zoe and Mal's assessment of that conversation.
      Zoe: So... trap?
      Mal: Trap.
    • A bit later, Mal explains his reasons for knowing said conversation was bait for a trap:
      Kaylee: How do you know Inara don't just... wanna see you? People do have feelings.
      Mal: You all were watchin', I take it?
      [awkward silence]
      Kaylee: ...yes.
      Mal: You see us fight?
      Kaylee: No.
      Mal: Trap.
    • There's also an amusing outtake where Mal puts a Surrounded by Idiots spin on that last line: "TRAP!!"
    Alan: Fine! You wanna fly?! Fuckin' fly!! (gets up and 'storms' off; Nathan grabs the wheel and begins 'driving' the ship. As he leaves the cockpit, Alan turns and screams) I'LL BE IN MY BUNK!
  • The Operative, normally the absolute epitome of Cool, completely losing his shit on seeing the Reavers.
    '''SOMEBODY, FIRE!!!!"
  • This exchange between Mal and the Operative in the generator room:
    The Operative: [re: Mal's determination to get the word out about Miranda] And are you willing to die for that belief?
    Mal: I am.
    [a Beat, then Mal whips out his gun and opens fire, forcing the Operative to seek cover]
    Mal: ...'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A.
  • Mr. Universe marrying his love-bot.
    Mr. Universe: She wrote her own vows. I cried, like a baby. A hungry, angry baby.