Funny / Septimus Heap

  • Spit Fyre's, ahem, defecations, can be this:
    • On top of a few attacking Things in Darke.
    • When he holds up Septimus and Jenna in Flyte as they are hurrying to the Queen's Room.
  • Marcia's behavior in general, and her purple python shoes.
  • A man named Marcus Overland was once given the ExtraOrdinary Wizard robes and proceeded to be very poorly behaved. He is no longer part of the Wizard Tower.
    • Even funnier when Marcellus is listing names that begin with 'M', and when he gets to 'Marcus', Marcia flinches.
  • Wolf Boy's reaction to learning that his name is Mandy.
  • It's revealed in Fyre that Hotep-Ra's first incantation was for getting rid of the smell of pigs.
  • The fact that no one reacts to Jillie Djinn's death in Darke
    Marcia: She's dead! She's dead on my couch!
  • Aunt Zelda's lines toward the end of Magyk.
    Zelda: The chicken boat is gone! My chickens, my poor little chickens!
    Marcia: There are more important things in life than chickens.
    Zelda: The rabbits! My poor bunnies, all gone!
    Marcia: Oh, do be quiet, Zelda!
  • Sarah Heap's phrases when something is missing— "It must be here somewhere" and the much-less-hopeful "It could be anywhere."
  • In Fyre at one point, Silas Heap is late for his seal-watch at the Wizard Tower and comments to Beetle, "But you know what they say." Beetle takes a guess— "You're late. What kind of time do you call this?" and Silas replies "No! 'Better late than never!'" Beetle heads off to his business with Marcia and as he does, he hears another wizard shouting at Silas. "Silas Heap! What kind of time do you call this?!"
  • In Fyre, Jillie Djinn is a ghost on Marcia's couch, much to Marcia's irritation. Once she gains the power of speech, she makes it her job to make things miserable for Marcia by wailing and chanting and generally being so irritating that Marcia asks Hotep-Ra if there's any way to remove a ghost from the place where they died from before the end of their first year of ghosthood. Hotep-Ra comes up with the perfect solution - since Jillie is only on the couch, all that's necessary is to move the couch!
  • Towards the end of Darke is a transcription of a report from a safety committee regarding Septimus's Darke Week project that Marcia was supposed to fill out found ripped to pieces in a trash can. It features several terse answers from Marcia until finally reaching the question "What sanitary facilities were provided?" to which Marcia responded "Oh, for goodness sake..."
  • In Fyre, Sarah Heap is both bemused and bothered when a series of guests beginning arriving at the castle, each presenting her with a gift for Jenna's coronation and referring to her as the "comptroller." When Sally Mullins arrives at the castle, Sarah is grateful for a bit of relief, until Sally addresses her as "comptroller" and presents her with the "coronation biscuit tin," the sacred duty of her family Mullins to deliver throughout time. As soon as this is done, both of them have a laugh, Sally grumbling about how heavy the blasted biscuit tin was and how far she had to drag it.