George Steinbrenner as voiced by Larry David. The majority of his appearances resulted in him going off on an unrelated tangent and George slowly backing out of his office.
Jerry and George's chemistry, specifically when George says something and Jerry repeats part of it in agreement. An example from "The Label Maker":
George: I had the perfect situation here, he was shouldering half the load. Jerry: He was shouldering.
The outtakes on the DVD sets are some of the funniest outtakes for any show. Notable highlights:
In one scene, Kramer enters the doorway and says "Whaddya-" in a hoarse voice before exiting view to try it again.
In "The Suicide", George frantically asks a very pregnant Rula (who's water broke) if he's getting lupus on his vacation. When she doesn't answer, Jason improvises and hops on the bed, shouting "SAY IT, YOU BITCH!"
In "The Cafe", Brian George (playing Babu) has trouble keeping a straight face when Jerry calls him over: "Babu... Babu... Babu..."
In "The Fix-Up", there's a scene where George and Jerry are eating at a restaurant. But it goes on longer than it needs to, prompting Jason (with a mouth full of food) to remark, "Cut the goddamn take." while cracking up.
In "The Bubble Boy", Jerry jumps the gun on explaining what a bubble boy is:
Jerry: He's a bubble boy! George: A bubble boy?? Jerry: Yes, he lives in a bubble! Susan: What's a bubble boy? Jason: ...Well, I think Jerry just explained that.
In "The Airport", Julia keeps cracking up during the scene at the airport, and it's infectious to Jerry.
Jerry: (smiling wide) There's no point in going; Julia's laughing.
In "The Pilot Part 2":
Kramer: I wanna be close to home base in case I... poo-poo. (Julia doubles over laughing)
In "The Masseuse", Kramer spasms backwards and accidentally hits his head on the door, then leaves the room. Jerry asks if Michael is all right; Julia looks backstage and replies, "He's dead."
In "The Scofflaw", Jerry knocks over some crackers by accident and says, "Sorry." Jason, puzzled, asks: "You're apologizing to the crackers?"
In "The Doorman", George is looking down his shirt and jiggling to see if he has breasts. In the aired episode, the camera is focused on Jerry and Elaine's dialog, but here, it's just on George, who incessantly and obsessively jiggles while they're talking. Finally, Jerry and Julia crack up at Jason, who was surprised to learn he was on camera the whole time.
Julia: (to Jason) I can do that too, ya know.
In "The Secretary", Michael flubbed his line "When you're shopping on Madison Avenue, you don't want to skimp on the swank" by forgetting the last word and saying "Sssshhh..." Julia finished it for him: "Skimp on the shit?"
From "The Shower Head", the scene where Frank Costanza is told there are no available condos in Del Boca Vista. Jerry Stiller's struggles to wrap his mouth around the name are even funnier than the scene itself.
In "The Wait Out", during the Jerry/Elaine/George fight, one of the takes featured Julia grabbing Jason and slamming him into the door at full force. Clearly, he wasn't prepared for that.
In "The Chicken Roaster", George squeezed some ketchup onto his plate, but the bottle made a squirt noise.
Michael: Do that again; that ketchup made a funny sound. Jason: If I do it again, I'll have a plate full of ketchup. Michael: If you don't, people will think you foo-foo'd on TV.
From "The Little Kicks": Julia Louis-Dreyfus repeatedly cracks up at Jerry Stiller's line reads (see the Season 8 tab for the quotes from the scene). It's practically a small miracle that they got a usable take out of it.
Related to the above: In "The Susie", Julia kept cracking up at Jerry's line, "At least he didn't sleep with both of 'em.", not helped by Mike's over-the-top reading of, "She was murdered, by JERRY SEINFELD!!!!" Julia's reaction to Mike's line is priceless.
In "The Nap", George asks Jerry what size hat he wants. Jerry replies, "5 and 7/8." Jason immediately observes: "I doubt that." Jerry correct himself: "7 and 5/8."
In "The Summer of George", Kramer said "Raquel Welch" as "Raquel Relch", due to trilling his Rs too long.
Jerry: ...I'm not familiar with her work.
In "The Voice", Kramer's line read of "He's [Darrin's] going away for a long, long time" is so odd that it cracks up everybody. Michael Richards asks why he just did a Clint Eastwood movie.
Jerry Stiller doesn't just crack up Julia; in outtakes for "The Serenity Now", Jason can't keep a straight face either.
George: (talking while laughing) Do you know what it takes to compete with Microsoft and IBM? Frank: Yes, I do. That's why I have a secret weapon... (Beat; Jason is smiling widely) my son. Jason: (cracks up) Oh Jesus Christ...
In the aired version of "The Strike", Kramer made a "Vooop!" noise when he said, "Frank, no offense, but this holiday's a little... Vooop!... out there." But in one of the outtakes, Kramer substituted that noise for a mouth trumpet noise. Predictably, it cracked up Julia.
In "The Robbery", Kramer's masterful detective skills:
Kramer: Jerry, I think Iím on to something. I think I found your stuff. You know the Englishman who lives down the hall? Jerry: Yeah. Kramer: The last couple a days heís been acting very strange. I think heís avoiding me. Jerry: Hard to imagine. Kramer: Yeah! And get this: I just got off the elevator with him and I tested him, I tested him, like I... this is what I said to him, like I, I was like this, I went, "Oh, by the way, I know about the stuff." Y'know, very casually. Jerry: Right. Kramer: So that he was gonna take me into his confidence. Jerry: So what'd he say? Kramer: "What stuff?". Jerry: Ooh, case closed! Kramer: No, you donít understand, you see, he swallowed! See, the guy, he swallowed. Oh, he was nervous about something! Now, Iím gonna go over there, Iím gonna borrow some tea. If I donít get back in five minutes, maybe youíd better call the police.
In "The Stock Tip", George acting cocky when he struck it rich. It's rare that George has something good happen to him, so when it does, he really milks it.
George: (smugly) I told you not to sell!
In "The Ex-Girlfriend", this exchange between Jerry and one of his girlfriends:
Woman: I just can't be with someone if I don't respect their career.
Jerry: *incredulous* You're a cashier!
"The Jacket": Jerry and George's squirm-inducing meeting with Elaine's father, basically Laurence Tierney playing himself. Especially when Elaine finally gets there and asks where he is: George rasps out "He's in the bathroom" in a perfect impression of Tierney.
George: If Elaine doesn't show up, we can't have dinner with this guy alone.
Jerry: How're we going to get out of it?
George: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.
This bit, after commercial:
Alton: Yeah, they should've taken care of Castro when they had the chance. Like we did in Guatamala in '53. Seinfeld: (unable to come up with anything meaningful to add, merely says...) Well, Guatemala...
"The Phone Message": George is at the end of a date that went well. He's just arrived at her apartment, and she invites him up for "coffee". He refuses, since coffee keeps him up. She leaves, presumably too embaressed to ask him more openly. About five seconds later, George catches on, and Jason Alexander gives us one of the funniest "Oh crap!" (but not Oh Crap) moments ever, which is proving remarkably hard to locate on YouTube.
Another funny bit in "The Statue": George sitting at another booth from Jerry (who was meeting Ray to discuss the statue's disappearance after he cleaned Jerry's apartment) and making sarcastic remarks about the lies Ray was telling. Finally, George erupts and harasses Ray to admit he stole Jerry's statue. The rhythm to the dialogue in that scene is perfect.
Ray: For your information, I got that statue at a pawn shop.(...) Yes, in Chinatown with the money I earned cleaning people's apartments. George: Cleaning them out.
"The Heart Attack": The gang visiting the Holistic Healer. Also, George's line "I'm an eggplant!" (after his face turns purple from an allergic reaction) in the ambulance and the fight over the Red Chuckles candy.
Earlier, a bedridden George requests that Jerry kill him. Jerry decides to play with him, grabbing a pillow and asking, "What do you mean, like this?", pushing the pillow onto his face. Then Elaine walks in, shocked at what she's seeing.
Jerry: (mock surprise) Elaine! What are you doing here??
From "The Revenge": George pondering potential jobs.
"The Deal": Jerry tells George he slept with Elaine and George wants details and rants about why he deserves to hear them.
George's response "Oxygen...I need oxygen!" when he hears that Jerry slept with Elaine is gold.
From "The Note": The whole business of George getting a massage from a male masseuse. Also, "I think it moved."
From "The Pen", Elaine writhing in the uncomfortable bed.
Elaine: This bar is right in my back!
From "The Library": Bookman the Library Cop. Jerry seems to be having trouble keeping a straight face for real.
From "The Cafe": Kramer freaking out when Babu places a steaming hot towel on his unsuspecting hands.
"The Boyfriend": "VANDELAY! SAY VANDELAY! VANDELAY INDUSTRIES!"
"No, you're way, WAY off! Well, yeah, that's the right number, but this is an apartment!"
"And you want to be my latex salesman."
Jerry deconstructing the time Keith Hernandez spit on Kramer and Newman in the manner of Kevin Costner in JFK.
"That is one magic loogie."
"The Parking Space": The car breaking down in the mall. This was actually a Throw It In: the original ending was to have Jerry get lost in the parking lot. However, the actual car wouldn't start. If you look closely, you can see Jason Alexander howling with laughter.
The whole subplot with Jerry (and later, George) being hauled in by a taciturn cop for urinating in public. Jerry makes up excuse after excuse (ranging from "It's a medical condition!" to "I was pouring out a bottle of water"), and it's all a riot because the near-silent cop just lets him keep talking and making a fool of himself.
From "The Keys"
Kramer: (disgusted) Look at you.
George: Aw, Kramer, don't start.
Kramer: You're wasting your life.
George: I am not! What you call wasting, I call living! I'm living my life.
Kramer: Okay, like what? No, tell me! Do you have a job?
Kramer: You got money?
Kramer: Do you have a woman?
Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
Kramer: Do you got anything on the horizon?
Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George: I like to get the Daily News.
Kramer gets star-struck by Fred Savage in "The Trip Part 1", leading to this hilarious scene where he meets him in a cafe:
Kramer: Hey. (talking quickly and nervously) Oh, did I frighten you? I'm not crazy. I mean, I may look weird, but I'm just like you, I'm just a regular guy just trying to make it in this business. You know I really like your work, the, uh... Savage: Thank you. Kramer: Yeah, I can't remember the name of it. Savage: Thanks. Kramer: Yeah, my mind's a blank, I'm sorta nervous, you know, uh... Savage: It's okay, relax. Relax. Kramer: Okay, but I got this... (sets his foot on Savage's table, collapsing it) Stupid table. You know, I'm not normally like this, usually I'm very cool and charming, I don't mean to bother you or anything but I think it's fate that you happened to be here at the same time as me. Savage: (backing towards the door) Yeah, its fate, you know, can't avoid your fate. Kramer: I got this treatment I think you'll be great in. Savage: Yeah. Kramer: So I'd like to give it to you. Savage: Yeah, thank you, thanks a lot. Bye! (runs out)
Kramer is heard slipping and falling in the shower in "The Trip, Part 2."
In the same episode, Kramer becomes a murder suspect and is apprehended by the police, but he initially thinks he's being cast in a movie or TV show. But when Jerry and George tell him the truth, Kramer acts cool, walks over to a police officer, asks for another minute, returns to the window...and starts hysterically begging Jerry and George to help him, only to be hauled away by the police.
THEN Kramer gets interrogated harshly by a police detective to the point where he breaks down and starts sobbing and babbling. But then the detective receives word that Kramer isn't the serial killer they're after, so the police lets Kramer go. Kramer immediately recovers and tries to ask who the killer is, only to be urged out the room. As he goes, Kramer nearly hits the wall.
"The Pitch", Kramer's adamant idea that Jerry's show be about a circus:
George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?
Jerry: He's somebody.
George: What about me?
Jerry: You're nobody.
George: Why him? Why not me?
Jerry: He's good, you're not.
George: I'm better than him.
Jerry: You're worse! Much, much worse.
* Even though the episode "The Opera" was Darker and Edgier than the rest of the series, it did have George in his tuxedo, which made him look like a penguin.
Plus Jerry's softshoe rendition of the Bugs Bunny Show theme song.
Elaine's nipple being exposed on her Christmas card in "The Pick". At her office everybody starts calling her "Nip." Newman's bored reaction to seeing the nipple and Jerry trying to reassure Elaine. "So what? It's a nipple! Here look see he's got them I got them...Everybody's got them!" Also, the woman watching Jerry scratching his nose and from her angle it looks like he's picking his nose and her disgusted reaction. Also, George and Jerry's discussing whether it was a pick or a scratch.
Elaine to George complaining that he didn't get a Christmas card: "You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card?" *grabs George's face and rubs it in her chest* "Here! Here's your Christmas card!"
"The Outing" is particularly memorable. How many other shows can milk humour out of a two-line phone?
George: Look, do you want to have sex right now? Do you want to have sex right now?! Let's go! COME ON, LET'S GO, BABY!!!
In "The Shoes", George is enjoying the view down a woman's loose shirt and her dad steps up behind him: "Get a good look, Costanza?"
Earlier in the scene, an ill Mr. Dalrymple runs to the bathroom because he has to throw up again. This is during his meeting about Jerry and George's script, mind you.
George: (confused) Do you think he like it? (Dalrymple is heard vomiting loudly from the bathroom) Jerry: ...I'm not sure.
Sid Fields had the best lines in the episode "The Old Man". "What the HELL is it?" "The agency what agency the CIA!" "I might drop dead today but I sure as hell wasn't born yesterday!" "Oh before you go would you mind changing my diaper" *laughs*
"The Implant": The whole "double dipping" conversation:
Timmy: What are you doing? George: What? Timmy: Did you just double dip that chip? George: (confused) Excuse me? Timmy: (accusing) You double dipped the chip! George: "Double dipped"? What are you talking about? Timmy: You dipped the chip. You took a bite. (points at the dip) And you dipped again. George: (unconcerned) ...So? Timmy That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and END it! George: (defiantly) Well, I'm sorry, Timmy... but I don't dip that way. Timmmy: You don't, huh? George: No. (dips the chip) You dip the way you want to dip...(bites the chip) I'll dip the way I want to dip. (dips again) (the two engage in a scuffle)
"The Junior Mint": Kramer pesters Jerry about joining him to see the operation. A surly Jerry replies: "All right, just lemme finish my coffee!... Then we can watch 'em slice this fat bastard up."
Kramer and Jerry observe an artist's splenectomy and accidentally drop a Junior Mint from the viewing gallery into the patient's body. Their bewildered expressions as they watch this happen is priceless.
"The Handicapped Spot", when George acts as Frank's butler:
Frank: I don't think you did such a good job on these shoes. (an irritated George slowly shuts off the vacuum cleaner) George: What? Frank: You're supposed to see your face in there. (holds the shoe up to George's face) DO YOU SEE YOUR FACE IN THERE?!
"The Puffy Shirt". Jerry: "But I don't wanna be a pirate!" here.
"I said milky white!"
George's parents arguing.
Estelle: Georgie, would you like some jello?
Frank: Why'd you put the bananas in there?
Estelle: GEORGE LIKES THE BANANAS!
Frank: SO LET HIM HAVE BANANAS ON THE SIDE!
George freaking out over anything that might wreck the perfect state of his hands because a woman said his hands are nice enough for him to be a hand model.
The sight of Jerry wearing the puffy shirt.
"He was not master of his domain."
And George's offhand remark that he won "a contest," which was actually the first time we learned who had won, after the actual contest episode ended with Jerry and George still in the running.
In "The Glasses", Kramer grills Dwayne about giving George the optometry discount, and his guilt-tripping speech sounds an awful lot like confronting a recovering drug/alcohol addict:
Kramer: What is going on here? Dwayne: What are you talking about? Kramer: I'm talking about the thirty percent discount. (...) Dwayne: Who said anything about a discount. Kramer: Ooh, how quickly we forget. You owe me buddy. Dwayne: For what? (Kramer pulls out a candy bar) Kramer: Remember this? Dwayne: What are you doing? Kramer: Six months ago you were eating four of those for breakfast and chasing it with a ring ding. And two Butterfingers on the train. Sounds familiar? Dwayne: Put that away! Kramer: Remember that night I found you at Dinky Donuts? You were all hopped up on cinnamon swirls! They wouldn't serve you anymore! You wouldn't even have any teeth if it wasn't for me taking you over to Joe's fruit stand and stuff a cantaloupe down your throat! So much for gratitude... yeah, YEAH, YEAH!!! Dwayne: (snaps) All right, all right, all right! I'll give him the discount, just put that thing away!
The restaurant scene in "The Lip Reader" guest-starring Marlee Matlin as Jerry's deaf linesman girlfriend. George realizes she can read lips to find out why a recent girlfriend broke up with him. They carry out a whole conversation using various methods of hiding their lips from her, but she still follows them perfectly, and immediately agrees.
"The Bris": The discussion on Pig-men.
At the hospital, when Kramer is intent on freeing the pigman:
Kramer: Hey, you got room for the pigman? George: The pigman can take the bus. Kramer: Y'know, if the pigman had a car, he'd give you a ride. George: How do you know? What if Pigman had a two-seater? Kramer: (incredulously) Be realistic, George.
The mohel's rant:
Mohel: (something falls in the kitchen) What was that?!? Jeez. Scared the hell out of me. My god. I almost had a heart attack! All right, I'm fine, I'm fine. Anyway, we're here to perform the mitzvah of the bris and... (the baby cries) Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry? 'Cause that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your child? 'Cause this is the time to exercise it when baby is crying in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you insane!!! Elaine: ...Did you find the place alright? Mohel: Did I find it alright? Could you send me to a more dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag, 'course, I'll be lying there on the street in this neighborhood and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll lie in the gutter like a bum, like a dog, like a mutt, like an animal! God forbid someone should help me or call an ambulance. No, that's too much trouble to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ahh, what's the point. (Elaine sets her glass down on a table) Mohel: Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table? You got the whole table there to put the glass. Why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breathe and that glass falls over! Then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag, broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out. You can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces! And then you think you got it all, and two years later, you're walkin' barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you KILL yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is it? Do you?! Elaine: ...He's very highly recommended, so...
"The Non-Fat Yogurt": Jerry accidentally swore in front of a boy named Matthew, prompting Jerry to apologize and teach Matthew that it's not right to swear. But then Matthew unraveled his cassette tape (which featured a great performance he made the other night), causing Jerry to shout:
Jerry: What the (fuck) are you doing, you little piece of (shit)?!?!
"The Barber": The whole subplot with George showing up for work even though he wasn't sure if he was hired. This ends with a great exchange:
Tuttle: So, where's that Penske file? Let's see what you've been up to all week. (George hands him the file; it has barely been touched) Tuttle: (looks at it) ...What have you been doing all week? George: (unconcerned) Well, you missed a lovely party that we had for Grace. Tuttle: (confirming) You... haven't done anything with this. George: Well, bear in mind, I am in a smaller office. Tuttle: I'm beginning to wonder if you understand anything. George: You are aware... that, uh, Penske is interested in me. Tuttle: (scoffs) You're not Penske material. George: (smugly) Really. Well, we'll just see about that. Ta-ta, Tutt-ell. (leaves)
"The Dinner Party", George complains about having to buy a gift for the party:
George: I just don't like the idea that every time there is a dinner invitation, there's this annoying little chore that goes along with it. Jerry: Y'know, you're getting to be an annoying little chore yourself.
"The Marine Biologist": George telling how he saved the whale. It got a golf ball stuck in its blowhole...one that had been hit by Kramer earlier in the episode.
And one of George's funniest lines in the whole series:
George: The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
"The Pie": "Poppy's a little sloppy."
"The Stand-In": The entire "He took it out" scene.
George saying "I spent so much time trying to get the women's clothes off I've never thought of taking mine off."
"The Fire": The story behind Kramer saving a pinky toe.
Eric the Clown(Jon Favreau) being fed up with George bothering him about not knowing who "Bozo the Clown" is.
"You're living in the past man! You're hung up on some clown from the SIXTIES man!!"
There's much more funny stuff in "The Fire." How about when George sees the fire and sprints for the door, pushing Eric, an old lady, and small children out of his way? If it had been done by any other character apart from George Costanza, it would have been an evil act. Instead, it turns into one of his funniest scenes.
Old woman: THAT'S THE COWARD THAT LEFT US TO DIE!!!
And George's excuse for his behavior? That he was leading the way.
Fireman: How do you live with yourself?
George: ...It's not easy.
Later, George defends himself again to Jerry:
Jerry: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion. George: To some degree. Jerry: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves. George: In a manner of speaking. Jerry: Well, it's honest. George: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals. Jerry: Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center, she'll see things differently. George: (miffed) Perhaps.
"The Hamptons": "There was significant shrinkage!"
Elaine: What do you mean? Like, laundry?
"The Opposite": "My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."
"The Chaperone": Kramer's oddly fierce devotion to mentoring Miss Rhode Island, as well as his Drill Sergeant Nasty demeanor towards her:
Kramer: If you stumble, if you hesitate, you can kiss the crown goodbye. Now if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: Poise counts! It's just as important as the others. Swimsuit! Evening wear! Talent! POISE!
Jerry and Elaine discuss Newman in "The Big Salad"
Elaine: Maybe there's more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry: No there's less. I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil.
In "The Couch", Poppy deliberately pees on Jerry's sofa. "POPPY PEED ON MY SOFA!"
When Jerry grabs Kramer to scream at him "Poppy peed on my sofa!" notice how the water Kramer's holding spills into Jerry's mouth and Jerry spits it out while talking.
Kramer's reaction to seeing the pee puddle on the couch is priceless.
"The Couch" also features one of the funniest bits in the entire show, when Kramer and Poppy get in an argument about the proper way to cook a pizza, which is an allusion to the whole abortion argument:
Poppy: No, no. You can't put cucumbers on a pizza. Kramer: Well, why not? I like cucumbers. Poppy: That's not a pizza. It'll taste terrible. Kramer: But that's the idea, you make your own pie. Poppy: Yes, but we cannot give the people the right to choose any topping they want! Now on this issue there can be no debate! Kramer: What gives you the right to tell me how I would make my pie? Poppy: Because it's a pizza! Kramer: It's not a pizza until it comes out of the oven! Poppy: It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough! Kramer: No, it isn't! Poppy: Yes, it is!
"The Label-Maker" has a couple:
Jerry: I don't trust this guy [Whatley]. I think he re-gifted, then he de-gifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp!!
Kramer and Newman play the board game Risk on the subway:
Newman: I'm not beaten yet. I still have armies in the Ukraine. Kramer: Ha ha, the Ukraine. Do you know what the Ukraine is? It's a sitting duck. A road apple, Newman. The Ukraine is weak. It's feeble. I think it's time to put the hurt on the Ukraine. Man: I come from Ukraine. You not say Ukraine weak. Kramer: Yeah well, we're playing a game here, pal. Man: (angry) Ukraine is game to you? How about I take your little board and SMASH-!!! (pounds his fist on the game board, sending pieces flying everywhere)
George: I couldn't help but notice the guy in front of me got free bread.
Soup Nazi: You want free bread? No soup for you! (takes soup, while his assistant simultaneously hands the money back to George)
In "The Pool Guy", George explaining the struggle between relationship George and independent George. Also, when Elaine gets in Jerry's apartment and George goes to her "You're killing Independent George!"
George: Movie!George, coffeeshop!George, liar!George...bawdy!George! Jerry: I love that George! George: Me too! And he's DYING, Jerry! If relationship!George walks through that door, he will KILL independent!George! A George divided amongst himself CANNOT STAND!
"The Doll", where George's girlfriend has a doll that looks exactly like his mother, and it begins talking to him. Also, when Frank saw the doll at the end, he also imagined it talking to him in Estelle's voice, then strangled it and pulled its head off.
(As Kramer begins to leave, he notices an O'Henry wrapper in the garbage can)
KRAMER (picking up the wrapper): Ohhhh, what's this?
JERRY: Oh, no, no, no, wait a second, wait a secondÖ th-th-that—
KRAMER: Oh I see....Yessss. Little Miss Candy Bar paid a visit, didn't she?
JERRY: Kramer, it is not what you think.
KRAMER: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now, you're willing to sell me, and Elaine, and whoever else you have to, right down the river.
JERRY: And what about yooou?!? Tryin' to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars, for honest, hard-working Americans!
The fight between Frank Costanza and Elaine after George gets arrested for bootlegging movies:
Frank: Who put you up to this, was it her?
Elaine: All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.
Frank: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
Elaine: You got that right.
Frank: What the hell does that mean?
Elaine: That means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
Frank: You sayin' you want a piece of me?
Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.
Frank: You wanna piece of me? YOU GOT IT! (They begin to fight)
And Jerry acting like a finicky director when Brody won't give him what he wants. In fact, the whole theme of tying bootlegging in to directing movies is hilarious.
Kramer: Jerry wants to do the movie, he's dying to do it. But if you don't make him happy, the work suffers, and then nobody's happy. Brody: Just SHOOT the damn thing so I can get it out on the street!!!
"The Chicken Roaster": A Kenny Rogers restaurant right outside the apartment complex? What could go wrong? Oh, yeah...the sign is insanely bright and beams directly into Kramer's apartment. It drives him crazy(er):
Jerry: What is going on in there?! Kramer: What? Jerry: The light! Kramer: Oh the red, its the chicken roaster sign, its right across my window! Jerry: Can't you shut the shades? Kramer: (distraught) THEY ARE SHUT!
He then storms out of Jerry's apartment, where the hallway is blood red and there's a horrible, constant electric buzzing. Kramer reacts like a vampire who got exposed to direct sunlight.
Later, when Jerry becomes Kramer and Kramer becomes Jerry.
Newman after trying to pretend he likes broccoli: "Vile weed!"
In "The Package", Newman's entire interrogation of Jerry for suspicion of mail fraud.
Newman: Don't you find it interesting that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance for your stereo? I mean, parcels are rarely damaged during handling. Jerry: Define 'rarely'. Newman: Frequently...
Newman: (Holding clipboard) Is this or is this not your signature?
Jerry: As a matter of fact, it isn't.
Newman: Heh. (Looks at clipboard) "Uncle Leo"?
Jerry and Kramer discussing write-offs:
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off!
Jerry: (incredulous) Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything!
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No, I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
In "The Andrea Doria", Kramer acting like a dog. Also hilarious is Smuckers's cough, which is obviously a human cough sound instead of a dog's.
Elaine saying "giant freak head" and "I'm a walkin' candy apple!" is very funny too.
Tom Gallop as Alan, the bad breaker-upper, has some great lines as well. "Tough luck, Chinless."
George acting bored while his rival for the apartment tells his Andrea Doria story. The series of cuts while George tells of his tragedies. The traumatized looks on the faces of the board members when he's done. Their reaction to his stinger, "Oh, and my fiancee died from licking toxic envelopes...that I picked out." All priceless.
The scene in "The Little Jerry" where George and Kramer, who haven't yet been privy to each other's storylines in the episode, both burst into Jerry's apartment ranting about their current problems. Then they look at each other in confusion, and turn to Jerry to explain. He just says "I'm too tired."
Even better is when Kramer mentions to Jerry that he bought a chicken. Jerry opens his mouth, only for George to stop him with "Allow me..." and turns to Kramer and asks "Why?"
Also the ending where Kramer jumps in the ring and Jerry screams "Kramer!" Elaine screams "Stop the fight!" and George? He holds up a finger and screams "Tamale!" Also, Kramer getting pecked.
George: Jerry, let's face it, I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it. Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage. Huh? There was a guy that worked at the Yankees: No arms! He got more work done than I did, made more money, had a wife, a family, drove a better car than I did. Jerry: He drove a car with NO ARMS??
"The Strike": "A Festivus for the rest of us!"
Kramer on strike:
Kramer: You're siding with management? Elaine: No, I just- Kramer: (pointing) SCAB!!! SCAB!!! SCAB!!! SCAB!!!