Funny / Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

For all its terrifying illustrations, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark still manages to sneak in a touch of humor every now and then.
  • One of the lighter stories is called "The Viper." A woman in a high-rise keeps receiving phone calls about a man who calls himself "The Viper" who is slowly coming up the stairs...
    Woman: Who are you?!
    The Viper: I am the viper. I vish to vash and vipe the vindows.
  • The hilariously anticlimactic ending to "The Babysitter". The titular character is continually being harassed by a lunatic over the phone, and it turns out he was hiding in the house the whole time. Then he comes down the stairs... and is promptly arrested by the police.
    • The baby in the illustration appears to be smirking at the audience.
  • The ending to "The Ghost with Bloody Fingers"
    "Cool it, man! Get yourself a band-aid!"
  • A terrified man being pursued by a gigantic head with bloody goo pouring from its eyes, exposed bones on its face, and long, boney arms. When the man cannot run any further, when his exhaustion is greater than his survival instinct, he collapses to the ground, and faces the horrifying abomination, who says...
  • The film version of "The Church", where a man goes into an abandoned church to get out of a thunderstorm. The lightning flashes, he sees the pews full of what appear to be ghosts in white clothing, he runs out of the church...and smack into a sheep, which is what the "ghosts" were.
  • "The Cat In The Shopping Bag", where a Christmas thief gets her comeuppance.
    Mrs. Briggs: This is hers. It's her Christmas present! She wouldn't want to lose it.
  • "Aaron Kelly's Bones". The widow isn't scared of her dead husband hanging around the house, but merely annoyed and exasperated because she can't collect his insurance money until he goes back to his grave. Eventually the fiddler does manage to make him dance until he disintegrates, but is so weirded out he gives up on wooing the widow completely. "Turkey in the Straw" playing during the narration only makes it funnier.