Funny / Scarlet Spider

Examples from the 2012 Kaine series

  • Kaine's reaction after saving a old woman from being run down in the street in issue 1.
    Kaine: "Are you out of your @#$%*& MIND, old woman? You shouldn't be wandering out in the @#$%*& STREET! You're too @#$%*& old and too @#$%*& Slow! What if I hadn't been there, you'd be @#$%*& DEAD! "
    • Becomes a Brick Joke a few issues later when various citizens of Houston are asked by the news about Scarlet Spider. The old woman is one of them and says that he saved her life but she didn't like his cussing.
  • Kaine trying to explain Aracely staying with him to recently befriended bartender Annabelle:
    Annabelle: Well, then what the hell—
    Kaine: She's... She's my niece.
    Annabelle: ...You @#$%*& pervert.
  • Kaine is in a tense 'negotiation' between David Walsh and the Rangers with a gun pointed to his head, thinking to himself "I need to handle this delicately," which he follows up by immediately chucking Shooting Star out the window.
    Kaine: My name is Kaine. And this is as delicate as I get.
  • Kaine's sniping at Wally. Wally calls him out on his willingness to torture people while they're tracking down a nuclear bomb, then they get jumped by gun toting lunatics. Kaine attacks, while sarcastically saying that they should be careful, or they'll hurt the people who are shooting at them. Wally just tells him to shut up.
  • Aracely in general steals just about every scene she's in. Highlights include screaming at Kaine to go do something because she can't sleep with all of his not caring (as she's a psychic) and having an honest-to-God swear jar for Kaine (and reprimanding Wally about cussing when he repeats "Dammit" a few times during a tense situation).
    • Becomes another example of a Brick Joke when Aracely curses in issue 16 and Donald yells "Jar".
  • Kaine running out of skyscrapers while swinging around Houston.
  • Kaine being a complete lightweight, getting hammered off three beers.
  • In Issue 16, Kaine entering the Stadium during the Rodeo as the Scarlet Spider while riding a horse, swinging his web around like a lasso. Meland actually facepalms at the sight.
    Kaine: I swear... I swear to god this was the fastest way.
    • And just before, on seeing the giant drunken Armadillo trying to ride the bull, he tells Annabelle to get to safety.
    Now, before it... before it molests that bull.
  • Kaine and Wolverine in issue 18, nipping at each other on topics ranging from evil clones to selling one another out.
  • Issue 19: Kaine's Inner Monologue after using his abilities to have a spider lower itself and land just below an enemy's eye.
    Kaine: Even people with godlike power still get freaked out by spiders. Aracely would have liked that.
  • Issue 24: For a penultimate issue littered with drama, it has its share of laughs too.
    • Annabelle's elevator ride with Zoe and subsequent confrontation with Kaine about it during a period which turns out to be a Prophecy Pileup.
    • Kaine tries to give up being a superhero after Dr. Meland's injuries at the hands of the Kraven family, and recreates the legendary scene where Peter tries to give up Spider-Man by throwing the suit in a burning trash can in a alley, only to remember his current suit is more durable then Spider-Man's old one.
    Kaine: %$#@ fireproof unstable molecules!