Funny / Scandal

  • The President negotiates with his Secret Service detail so they will let him leave the White House in secret. They compromise on no snipers but there will be an ambulance following them. After the President leaves one of the agents comments that it is the same thing they went through with No 43.
  • Alissa reviewing the photos of the suspects.
  • The Surrounded by Idiots moment by the villain in the same episode. It crosses the line, but you can't help but feel horrified, amused and sorry for him in the same time.
  • A congressman is videotaped having sex in his office. Abby has to watch the tape and by the time Olivia has checks on her, has watched the tape four times and is quite eager to watch it again. The woman who the congressman had sex with is mortified when she finds out that someone secretly videotaped them but still insists on giving the congressman the maximum allowable contribution for his reelection campaign.
  • In the episode "White Hat's Back On", Cyrus Beene has a heart attack. So, of course, the first thing he does is to call Olivia and Fitz in the Oval Office to help them deal with the current crisis while in an ambulance, and erstwhile doctors attempting and failing to give him treatment because he won't let them.
    Olivia: "Cyrus, where are you?"
    EMT: "He's hypertensive."
    Olivia: "Cyrus, are you in an ambulance?"
    Cyrus: "I'm fine! These idiots are telling me I had a heart attack."
    Fitz and Olivia: "Cyrus!!!!"
  • Fitz and Mellie's scenes in "Randy, Red, Superfreak and Julia" are Tear Jerkers, but Mellie does reveal something personal.
    Mellie: "One thing I do not do now is wax. It's 1976 down there."
  • in s3 episode "We Do Not Touch the First Ladies", during Andrew and Mellie's first kiss, the filming of them kissing with the intermittent cuts of the First Lady pictures staring at them and silently judging is hilarious. sue me.
  • In "A Few Good Women" Jake bonding with a captured Russell by mocking their B613 boss Rowan and mocking him with dead on impressions of him and making fun of his taste in music.
    Russell: What's with all the albums? "I love retro as much as the next but bitch please, why do we have pretend like it's 1973?"
  • In "Dog Whistle Politics," Marcus, Quinn and Huck go on news shows to defend Olivia, using "dog whistle politics" as their main talking point. Marcus and Quinn do a good job, but Huck said "Dog whistle politics" directly into the camera. Repeatedly.
  • When Leo wants to make Olivia more "relatable" to the public, he tells her she needs to stop wearing incredibly expensive designer clothes and "nothing if it's not from a retail mall." The look of utter disbelief on Olivia's face was priceless.
    • When Leo checks Olivia's nearly empty fridge, he asks where her food is. Huck's reply: "You mean her wine and popcorn?"
  • Patty Snell gives Lizzie a taste of her own medicine by mocking her on the idiocy of thinking they can skim over Fitz's impeachment investigation with snappy comments. "If I hear the words 'executive privilege' come out of your mouth one more time..."
  • Liv is utterly stunned to realize that Cyrus Beene truly and honestly believes in Vargas and Cyrus himself clearly has no idea how to handle working for an actually honest and well-meaning politician.
  • Abby and Liv call a meeting between Susan, Mellie, Fitz and their handlers to reveal the biggest dirt they have on each other and see which one drops out.
    David: So, this is how you Republicans do it.
    • Naturally, the ladies in question argue.
    Susan: I'm not dropping out.
    Millie: Neither am I.
    Susan: Well, now I'm double not dropping out.
    Millie: Did you just call doubles on not dropping out?
    Susan: Yes.
    Millie: You should drop out.
    • Liv reveals how David agreed to drop a big lawsuit so Susan could win an endorsement and Susan is furious about him. Seeing her jumping off her couch, Millie moves a seat over so Susan can sit with her.
  • Quinn and Charlie are fighting over his wanting to take her to an island and Huck has enough.
    Huck: Charlie, Quinn doesn't want to go with you because she's a workaholic. Quinn, Charlie wants you to go because he's either going to propose or wants to kill you.
    • Quinn agrees to Charlie's proposal...while holding up the severed hand of a burned corpse.
    Olivia: What is happening right now?
  • Fitz cannot believe that the biggest issue people will have with his Presidential Library is how much of his relationship with Liv is going to be featured.
    Marcus: Olivia is Hillary, Beyonce, Oprah and Sista Soulja all in one. I'll play you a Sister Soulja record sometime.
    Fitz: I think you reference things you know I don't know about just to make a point.
    • Fitz can't believe Liv should get her own wing.
    Fitz: I spent eight years in the most powerful office in the world, running the most powerful nation in the world and you're telling me I've been reduced to a man who loved a woman?
    Marcus: Welcome to the plight of almost every successful woman in the history of mankind.
  • Marcus sees a black man on TV protesting a racist soldier's statue.
    Marcus: I've seen one black person in Vermont and he's on TV.
    Fitz: You've been counting black people?
    Marcus: All black people count. We want to know if people start getting freaky with hoods and tiki torches, we have someone close by.
  • Fitz presses Marcus about Millie and he backs off.
    Marcus: I'm not going to talk about dating your ex-wife.
    Fitz: Isn't that what people talk about in bars?
    Marcus: No.
    Bartender: No.
    (the second bartender just shakes his head)
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