Funny / Sanford and Son

  • Fred's reaction to Mr. Wilcox's martial arts demonstration in the episode "Jealousy" is a Crowning Moment of Funny.
    Fred: This nigga's crazy!!.
    • There's an outtake where Roscoe Lee Browne (Mr. Wilcox) completely loses it after Redd delivers the line, making the moment even funnier.
    • Frankly, in those days, he really should not have been allowed to use the "n" word on television. But then again, Redd Foxx IS — or WAS — infamous for his undisciplined style of comedy.
    • Fred's cross-examination of a traffic cop who gave Lamont a traffic ticket.
    • In "Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe," we hear Esther do the same thing upon hearing Big Money Grip declare that HE is Lamont's real father.
    Esther: What did you say, NIGGA?!
    • The entire scene is one long funny moment:
    Esther: I'm gonna put my foot in your-
    Esther: God shall smite thee! But I can't wait. Fred, why don't we both beat the hell out of him right now?
  • In "Lamont Goes African," the Nigerian woman Olaiya scolds Lamont for constantly chastising Fred.
    Olaiya: In my country, such behavior is unheard of! You would be beaten!
    Fred: I wish I'd had you In Nigeria: I'd knock you out!
    • And later on, near the end of the episode:
    Fred: ...hey Kalunda? Didn't you hear me? Kalunda?
    Fred: I don't have to call you Kalunda anymore?
    Lamont: You can call me what you always call me.
    Fred: Oh, that will be easy then...dummy.
  • Towards the end of "Sanford and Son and Sister Makes Three," when Fred kicks Juanita and her daughter out of his house.
    Fred: [Throws his smoking jacket at Juanita] TAKE THIS FAGGOTTY JACKET WITH YOU!
  • Every. Single. Time. Fred. Says. Something. About Esther.
    • "Wine, Woman, and Aunt Esther":
    Esther: You've got to give credit to Ruth Baker, she put Junior Cooper away in style. It was the kind of funeral you would see advertised in the Mortician's Digest.
    Bubba: What do you know about the Mortician's Digest?
    Fred: She posed for the centerfold.
    Fred: Say Esther, why don't you go someplace else? Why don't and ugly up somebody else's house?
    Esther: Who you callin' ugly, sucker?
    Fred: You. I could throw some tracing paper over your head, and draw me a moose face!
    • "My Dear Esther":
    Fred: Goodbye, dear.
    Esther: Oh, you called me dear.
    Fred: Why shouldn't I call you "deer"? You look like Bambi's father.
    • "The Members of the Wedding":
    Esther: [Donna] had the nerve to call us (Esther and her two sisters) witches!
    Fred: And she was right! You're three ugly witches! And you married your husbands, and turned them into frogs! Get outta of here! Get to jumpin'!
    Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.
    Fred: [picks up a bat and waves it at Esther] And this Louisville slugger will knock you out!
    • "Divorce, Sanford Style":
    Fred: Hey, what are you doing here, Esther?
    Esther: What do you mean, what am I doing here?
    Fred: Well, the wolfwoman usually don't come out until it's a full moon!
    Esther: Why don't you move your smelly old feet so I can get the nap up off the rug?
    Fred: Why don't you bend over, so I can put my foot where I can raise the nap up off your head!
    Esther: Why, you old bean-eating, beady-headed, battle-hugging donkey!
    Fred: Listen, it takes a jackass to know a donkey!
    • "The Surprise Party", after Fred returns from St. Louis and starts giving souvenirs to his family:
    Fred: I brought you somethin' too, Esther.
    Esther: Why, that's nothing but a clear piece of plastic.
    Fred: No, it ain't. Put it up to your face. That's your Hallowe'en mask.
    • "Libra Rising All Over Lamont":
    Esther: Who you callin' ugly, sucker?
    Fred: I'm callin' you ugly. I could stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.
  • Lamont prodding Fred for an explanation of why his clothes are all wet.
    Fred: Well, here's what happened... I was crossing the Los Angeles River over here, and about halfway across, I looked out, and there was Aunt Esther struggling in the water... and she was going under for the fifth or sixth time... so, that's when I made my mind up... I jumped into the water and tried throw as many fish up on the land as I could, so they wouldn't get a chance to see Aunt Esther's face.
    Lamont: (Bursts into laughter)
    Fred: I swear that's what happened.
    Lamont: (Continues laughing). How did you clothes get all wet?
  • Lamont saying, "For the first six years of my life, I thought my name was Dummy Sanford!"
  • Fred is at the police department, thinking his birthday ring - with his initials on it - was stolen from Frank Sinatra, and thinking Lamont and Rollo were involved, tries to clear their names.
    Lamont: Wait a minute, you think Rollo stole that ring, don't you?
    Fred: Rollo? 'Steal?!
    Rollo wears an 'are you kidding me look' on his face.
  • Fred fakes the big one (again) and calls up Lamont while vacationing in Mexico.
    Fred: Hello, Lamont? Is that you son? Well, listen, you havin' a lot of fun? You are, huh? Well, come on home. Yeah, son, I think it's the big one, my heart ain't beatin' like it should - instead of goin' "bump-bump-bump," it's goin' "bumpity, thumpity, wumpity." No, I swear it, son! You don't have to believe me, listen, I'll put the phone to my heart, listen to it... (Fred starts banging the phone on the table, and other objects within reach) You hear it son? Son, hurry up here! Rush! Bye!