Every. Single. Time. Fred. Says. Something. About Esther.
Fred: Goodbye, dear.
Esther: Oh, you called me dear.
Fred: Why shouldn't I call you "deer"? You look like Bambi's father.
Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.
Fred: [picks up a bat and waves it at Esther] And this Louisville slugger will knock you out!
- "The Surprise Party", after Fred returns from St. Louis and starts giving souvenirs to his family:
Fred: I brought you somethin' too, Esther.
Esther: Why, that's nothing but a clear piece of plastic.
Fred: No, it ain't. Put it up to your face. That's your Hallowe'en mask.
- "Libra Rising All Over Lamont":
Esther: Who you callin' ugly, sucker?
Fred: I'm callin' you ugly. I could stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.
Lamont prodding Fred for an explanation of why his clothes are all wet.
Fred: Well, here's what happened... I was crossing the Los Angeles River over here, and about halfway across, I looked out, and there was Aunt Esther struggling in the water... and she was going under for the fifth or sixth time... so, that's when I made my mind up... I jumped into the water and tried throw as many fish up on the land as I could, so they wouldn't get a chance to see Aunt Esther's face.
Lamont: (Bursts into laughter)
Fred: I swear that's what happened.