Random

Funny: Sailor Moon Abridged

  • From Episode 1:
    Serena: (At Molly's mom's jewelry store) "Hey, where the pretzels at?"
    • "Sorry, Molly, if I'm not eating I'm leaving."
    • The Monster of the Week controlling all the jewelry store customers... to the tune of Michael Jackson's "Thriller."
    • "Mommy's looking at porn now."
    • Jedite advertising Optimum Cable to Beryl.
  • From Episode 2note :
    Serena: "Those pricks didn't read my letter! I'm gonna go there and complain!"
    Luna: "Their address is listed in this newspaper."
    Serena: "YOU CAN READ?!?"
    Luna: "Serena, if I can talk of course I can read!"
    Serena: "...YOU CAN TALK?!?"
    • Also in the episode..
      Serena: Moon Prism POWER! And make it fast!
      *the transformation sequence plays in slow motion*
      Serena: I SAID FAST!
  • From Episode 3:
    • Serena orgasming over creme-filled donuts.
    • Jedite acknowledging that he should have hid the energy draining pods in his workout scheme.
    • The Brick Joke of the fat girl still stuck on the treadmill after everything that happened.
  • This moment in episode 4:
    Serena: Excuse me, Mr. Chair? If you see Luna, can you please tell her that I need her help?
    Unseen Chair: Sure thing, Sailor Moon.
    Serena: Thanks.
  • From Episode 5:
    • A Call Back to the gag from Episode 2, listed above:
      Serena: Wow, Luna, you know how to use a computer?!
      Luna: Serena, if I can talk and I can read, then of course... Oh, forget it.
  • Two moments from Episode 7's bloopers:
    Molly: No, Serena! Go back into your coma, forever!

    Amy: Please, Jesus. Bring my friends home!
    Jesus: No.
    • From episode 7: The usage of the theme song to The Magic School Bus whenever the girl-snatching Temple Bus appeared, especially when the sight of the bus approaching to the accompaniment of the song caused Serena to go ballistic.
  • EVERYTHING Raye says. But especially this gem from episode 8...
    Raye: (In the middle of a theme park, No Indoor Voice as usual) I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!
  • Episode 9:
    • This entire scene after Raye wins the tickets.
      Serena: "C'monnn, Raye! You got two tickets! Who better to take along than me?"
      Raye: "NO! NO! NO! A MILLION TIMES NO!"
      Serena: "Who you gonna take?"
      Raye: "NO ONE, THAT'S THE POINT! IT WILL BE LONELY AND DESPERATE AND IT WILL BE WONDERFUL!"
      Serena: "But what if the Negaverse attacks the boat?"
      Raye: "THEN I GUESS I'LL JUST BE A BITCH AND TAKE AMY! IT MAKES ME EVIL AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME!"
      Amy: "Hey everyone... What's going-"
      Raye: "AMY! COME! JOIN THE DARK SIDE!"
      Luna: "This is better than my soaps."
      Serena: "Don't come crying to me when you crash into an iceberg!"
      Raye: "I HOPE WE DO! THE ICY WATER OF DEATH WILL BE MY SANCTUARY!"
    • From the Episode 9 Bloopers:
      Titus: "Aren't you going to congratulatemeshlebabla YOUR PENIS?
      • That's in the real episode as well, but done in a more subtle fashion that is just as funny.
    • Another one from Episode 9:
      Raye: "I have an idea, Amy. Let's flirt with these guys!"
      Amy: "But they all have girlfriends..."
      Raye: "That's the point, we'll SACRIFICE their girlfriends to my GOD!"
      Amy: "You know these cults are unhealthy, right Raye?"
      Raye: "This isn't a cult, THIS IS DIVINE JUSTICE!! THEY WILL BE MISERABLE LIKE MEEE!!!!!"
    • Also from Episode 9, Serena decides to sneak Luna onto the boat in a box. But Luna notices a problem with the box that she's being stuffed in.
      Luna: "AIR HOLES! NEED AIR HOLES!"
      Serena: "No you don't."
  • Episode 10, Jedite's "I'm gonna die" song, complete with a random monster asking if he can have Jedite's porno collection.
  • Episode 11, Raye's plot to make Darien love her:
    Raye: I'M TRIPPING! Oh, Darien! That was a complete accident.
    Darien: Oh, Raye! Thank you for bumping into me like that! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to torture small animals and feed on their blood.
    Raye: Oh, let's do it together.
    (Imagine Spot ends)
    Raye: God if that'd happen, I would just die. Oh. Oh, that sounds good. This is becoming a better idea every second!
  • From Episide 13/14:
    • Don't forget
      Raye: CATHOLIC GIRLS TASTE BETTER.
    • Or this:
      Sammy: [actual dialogue from the English dub] So despite what I said, I really do think you could be a great model. See, I know this place where people take tons of pictures and you'd fit right in. It's called the Zoo.
      *Rimshot*
      Serena: (calmly) I'm starting to realize why Raye hates everyone.
  • From episode 15/16:
    Amy: Talk to me, Raye. You haven't said anything since I came over.
    Raye: (speaking at a normal volume) Well, I just sound so funny when I'm sick.
    Amy: Oh. Oh my God, you sure do! My eardrums are still intact!
    Raye: Sorry, Amy. Jesus must be on my side today.
    Amy: Jesus?
    Jesus: Yeah?
    Raye: I...I don't know! I'm so ill! Amy, make me better, please!
    Amy: Hang in there! We'll get you help.
  • Episode 17:
    Serena: Don't cut corners, kids!
    Luna: You should talk.
    Serena: Shut up, you insensitive bitch, I have a learning disability!
  • The Bloopers for Episode 17
    • Kris's repeatedly failing to get through the scene where she has to say: "But I worked so hard on it. I worked so hard my right eye drooped down three inches!"
    • And then there's this:
      Kris: PHALLIC- *coughs uncontrollably*
      Corinne: Holy *honk*, were you really going to scream that?! Holy Crap. That scared the *honk* out of me!
  • From Episode 18:
    Door Guy: Excuse me miss, do you have an invitation?
    Serena: How dare you ask for an invitation from me! I'll have you know that I'm the star of Megami33's Sailor Moon Abridged! You know, the only good one on YouTube?
    • The entire exchange between Zoycite, Nephlite, and Beryl.
      Zoisite: "Oh for [bleep]'s sake! Beryl can't you just kill him please!"
    • And the following scene:
      Zoycite: [crying] Oh, Malachite, what do I do? I want to be Queen Beryl's main bitch, not that idiot Nephlite!
      Malachite: Don't cry, darling. Now, while you're down there...
  • From Episode 19:
    • Zoicite's full laughter. It's contagious!
    • Another Zoicite/Malachite exchange:
      Zoicite: Omnomnom, I'm so hungry, Malachite!
      Malachite: I can give you something better to eat...
      Zoicite: Oooh, you dirty boy!
    • This possible parody of Kikis Delivery Service:
      Serena: (after ranting about Molly wanting to date Nephlite) So do you think I did the right thing?
      Luna: Meow.
      Serena: Oh my god!! I lost my ability to talk to you!
      Luna: No, I'm just totally *honk*ing with you.
    • Molly's mom's limited vocabulary.
      Molly's mom: Molly, what are you doing?
      Molly: (after stealing a crystal) Mama!
      Molly's mom: Molly, what are you doing?
      Molly: I'm sorry, mama!" (runs out of the store)
      Molly's mom: ...Molly, what are you doing?
    • This exchange:
      Amy: Raye, why were we missing for most of this episode?
      Raye: BECAUSE WE WAS SMOKING CRACK COCAINE, BITCH!
      Amy: Oh, right.
    • The episode 19 bloopers, full stop.
      • Eric's screw ups come to the fore here. Lampshaded before a difficult line by Corinne.
      Corinne: He's never gonna get this.
      Eric: I got it, I got it! At least say it when I'm out of the room!
      (Corinne leaves the room)
      Corinne: (muffled) "He's not gonna get it!"
  • From Episode 20
    Nephlyte: "Molly, Maxwell isn't my real name. It's actually... BATMAN!"
  • From Episode 21
    Italia: Buon Giorno, Signore! It took you 21 episodes, but you finally have enough energy for your mission.
    Beryl: Mission?
    Italia: Yes, your mission!
    Beryl: I- I have a mission?

    Serena: "C'mon, Luna, let's take a shortcut through Bad Guy Street!"
    (she almost immediately runs into some thugs)
    Serena: "Aaa! Who would have thought there would be such bad guys on Bad Guy Street!"

    Luna: "Lita! Take this stick and do what I say!"
    Lita: "I've heard that line before.."

    MoTW: "I am Game Machine Man!" *manifests hammer* "Time to play... WHACK-A-BITCH!"
    (Serena screams)
    Lita: "Time to play...Oh, *honk* it! I'ma just beat the shit out of you!"
  • From Episode 22:
    Tuxedo Mask: Show me your face!
    Princess Serenity: No.
    Tuxedo Mask: Then show me your boobs!
    Princess Serenity: Maybe later.
    Tuxedo Mask: Now, please?
    Princess Serenity: Oh, okay.
    • And the one after it.
      (Molly is sitting there, still despondent over Nephlite's death)
      Melvin: So whatever happened to that Maxfield Stanton guy?
      Serena: Shut up, Melvin.
      Melvin: It's like he died or something!
      Serena: Shut up, Melvin!
      Melvin: Sorry, sheesh! Hey, wanna hear a joke?
      Serena: No!
      Melvin: Why did the chicken cross the road?
      Serena: Melvin...
      Melvin: Your boyfriend's dead! Mwaaaaaaaa!
    • Amy, Lita, and Raye's internal monologues while Luna is explaining the Pride Crystals:
      Amy: "Oh, I don't care about any of this. No matter how smart I am, I'm still the most useless warrior..."
      Lita: "Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that we take orders from a talking cat?"
      Raye: "OH GOD SHE'S SO BORING!!! IT MAKES ME WANT TO CLAW AT MY FACE JUST SO I KNOW I'M STILL ALIVE!!"
    • And later on, when Serena is looking for Molly (who's being confronted by Zoicite):
      Serena: "Molly! Damn it, you're in trouble again! We're going to miss the Sailor V movie and it's ALL YOUR FAULT! I'm gonna take Luna if you don't hurry up!"
    • Then, we have this:
      Sailor Moon: Moon Healing Activation!!
      *the priest is healed, the sky turns bright, and "Hallelujah" starts playing in the background*
      Priest: Oh, Jesus. Thank you for saving me!
      Sailor Moon: WHAT?! No way, I've saved-
      Jesus: No, no, it's cool. You're welcome!
      Sailor Moon: Ugh, son of a bitch!
  • From episode 23:
    • Sailor Mercury singing "pickpocket" to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle as she snatches Greg's wallet.
    • The bypassing of Mercury's friendship speech for Greg.
  • From Episode 24/25
    Lita: "I call upon the powers of Zeus himself. Infuse me with your heavenly thunder—which actually lightning, but no one seems to notice! Pikachu!"
    • This exchange between Zoycite and Malachite:
      Zoycite: Malachite! You're supposed to only have eyes for me!
      Malachite: Oh, come now, honey, you know there's no one more important to me in the whole Negaverse. Especially now that the other two are dead.
      Zoycite: Oh, Malachite, talking about dead people turns me on.
    • The Sailor Says segment at the end:
      Serena: "For Lita, finding out Andrew was dating his mom was a huge blow. In fact, life is full of blows! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!"
  • Episode 26/27, when they're about to fight Zoicite and Ami falls over, which causes Lita to look under her skirt.
    Lita: (in a hoarse voice) Damn, I wish I had one of those.
    • Especially the part where Zoicite is chasing Luna and Hercules:
      Zoicite: I defy physics!

      Zoicite: Oh my god! The rats are eating me! Even though I can teleport!
    • The stray cats. Whose Pokémon Speak consists solely of the word "sex".
  • Episode 29:
    Raye: Yeah, this is my excited face, BITCH.
    • The Chia Pet ad at the end of episode 28, especially when they promote the "newest Chia Pet, ch-ch-ch-Molly!"
  • In episode 30 Serena slaps the wounded Darien on the back and notices the blood on her hand.
    Serena: Oh look, there's ketchup on my hand. Darien must have had a burger! Yum! (slurp) Wait, this tastes like pennies...
    • Then she tries to help him by pointing out how serious his wound is.
    Darien: Just leave me alone. It's not serious.
    Serena: (actual dialogue from the English dub) Not serious? As if! I got a C+ in first aid! I can tell!
    Darien: I thought that class was pass/fail.
    Serena: Oh. Then maybe that C was an F. I have trouble with the alphabet sometimes.
    Darien: How about I tell you a story about my childhood?
    Serena: Sure! I love happy stories!
    Darien: So there was this one time we were in the car and it was like *zoooooom* and then we went over a cliff and it was like *squealing brakes* and then it crashed and it was like *boom* and my parents' heads were like "Kablooey!" And then I was like in the hospital and like, "What?!" And there was this princess in my head and she was like, "I want pizza!" So here I am.
    Serena: That wasn't happy at all.
    Darien: I know.
    • The Sailor Moon Says segment:
    Serena: Darien got hurt, and I made it worse! Oops... Getting hurt sucks!
    Raye: So make sure you sell your soul to Satan so he'll remove your ability to feel whatsoever, so you'll never have to feel pain again!
    Serena: And I thought I had issues.
  • Episode 31, after Sailor Moon gets knocked unconscious.
    Amy: Oh, she's awake! She'll be okay!
    Raye: GOD DAMN IT.
    • Raye takes Get A Hold Of Yourself Man to extreme levels.
      Raye: I DON'T NEED YOU JESUS!
      (Slaps Serena)
      Serena: Ahhhh...! I didn't do anything!
      Raye: SHUT UP, BITCH!
      (Slaps Serena again)
      Serena: Ow! Why did you-
      Raye: THREE FOR FLINCHING!
      (Slap)
      Serena: OWWW!
      Raye: MY PIMP HAND IS STRONG!
      (Slap)
      Serena: Owww...!
      Raye: HRRRRRGGGHHH!
      (Slap)
      Serena: Ohhhhhhh...
    • Or Episode 31's heartwarming ending:
      Raye: DON'T WORRY SAILOR MOON, WE'LL ALWAYS BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
      Serena: Thanks!
      Raye: WITH A KNIFE.
      Serena: Oh.
      Raye: TO STAB YOU.
      Serena: I-I get it.
      Raye: AND TWIST IT.
      Serena: Okay.
      Raye: I HATE YOU!!!
      Serena: Thanks, Raye!
  • Episode 33:
    Artemis: Waaait a second, wait, wait.
    Amy: What is it?
    Artemis: I...am a cat!
    Mina: Shut UP!
    Raye: CAN WE TALK SHIT ABOUT MINA AND ARTEMIS TOO?
    Mina: Sure, we won't notice! Giggle!
    • Queen Beryl asking Malachite and Darien to go wrestle in a mud pit so she can tape it.
  • Episode 40.
    Sailor Moon: MOON HEALING ACTIVATION! (tries to heal Brainwashed and Crazy Darien)
    Queen Beryl: (Actual dialogue from the English dub) It's no use, you can't heal him. Not even your crystal can break the spell I cast!
    Sailor Moon: Then why do you want the crystal if you're more powerful than it, anyway?
    Queen Beryl: Err.. Er. Err... Um. SILENCE!!!
  • The Christmas Special.
    Mina:On the first day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; this, like, totally awesome bag by Versace. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-
    Serena: What do you mean he gave it to you?! He's my boyfriend, you lying whore!
    Mina: Uh...
    Serena: This is my song now. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; ME! Two stupid space cats-
    Mina: Uh, he totally didn't give those to you. Like, one of those was mine, anyway.
    Serena: Well, then he gave me two giant cakes, Cheetos, and marshmallows and Oreos-
    Raye: OH MY GOD, SHUT THE *honk* UP!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANY LONGER!! MY SONG NOW! ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO GAVE TO ME; THREE GOOD REASONS TO CUT MYSELF, though there was probably more than that, AND A TOTALLY SEXY BAG BY VERSACE. ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME; FOUR FAGGY GENERALS-
    Zoicite: Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu
    Raye: ...TWO STUPID SPACE CATS AND A SWEET-ASS PAIR OF HEELS BY VERSACE. ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME-
    Serena: Fiiiiiiiive Krrrrrrissspy Kreeeeeeemes! Nom nom nom nom nom, three bags of beer nuts, two giant cakes-Oh my God, I'm drooling-and some Versace thing.
    Amy: On the sixth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-
    Raye: SHUT UP, AMY!!!
    Amy: Aww...
    Sailor Scouts: five seasons of plot holes-
    Lita: Four homo generals-
    Raye: All of which will die-
    Serena: Two giant cakes, and I can't fit in my new dress by Versace.
    Lita: On the seventh day of Xmas, tuxedo mask gave to me; seven rainbow prime crystals, yo-
    Amy: Six mischances of speaking up,
    Serena: Five Krispy Kremes, nom nom nom nom,
    Mina: And like, oh my God, did you see this bracelet!? On the eighth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; eight- I can't count that high-
    Artemis: Seven tequila slammers-
    Amy: I'm still singing you guys...-
    Raye: FIVE SACRIFICIAL PYRES-
    Mina: Four totally cute generals, three sailor scouts-
    Lita: There's totally four of us-
    Amy: Five actualy-
    Mina: Coat by Versace. On the ninth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-
    Raye: THIS SONG IS *honk*ING ENDLESS!! JESUS CHRIST, *honk* THIS SHIT!!!
  • Episode 34's got several; these two in particular stick out IMHO:
    (various skiers trip and fall during the Obstacle Ski Course)
    Skier 1: My ulna!
    Skier 2: Your what? Ah, my vulva!
    Judgement915: (singing offscreen) And everybody died!

    Mina: Chad and I totally had sex earlier!
    Chad: Mina, I told you to keep that a secret.
    Mina: Keep what a secret?
    (Cut to a shocked Raye)
    Serena: Oh God, she's speechless...
    (Art Shift to live-action explosion site)
    Everyone: RUN!!
    (Explosion)
  • The entirety of the Pokémon-themed Musical Episode.
    • After the break of the two parts
      "Who's that Pokemon?"
      Sailor Moon: "IT'S PIKACHU!"
      [With a picture of Sailor Moon]: "It's Snorlax"
      Sailor Moon: "Aw that's mean!"
  • From the season finale:
    Ditzy Monster: Oh my god! You look just like a Human me!
    Sailor Venus: Holy *honk*, you're right.
    Ditzy Monster: We should totally be be BFFs!
    Sailor Venus: Yeah we should but like, I'm totally not digging your hair, bitch. Venus Crescent Beam Smash!
  • All of the Remix ad, but epically:
    Narrator: Her friend Carrie becomes a telekinetic blood thirsty psychopa- whoops, wrong show!!!
    Carrie: Sailor Venus!

    Narrator: According to this graph, Sailor Moon is more popular than Cars and Food combined! Unless we do this, (combines Cars and Food) but that's beside the point!
    • The voices for Malachite Lapis Lazuli and Zoicite Zultanite in the remix episode. Lapis Lazuli has to be heard to be believed.
      • The voices for the other two are pretty hilarious, too. Camp Gay Jedite and Husky Russkie Nephrite, anyone?
    • Amy can only say "Blue" the entire time.
  • This entire exchange from the movie:
    *after Rini produces a toy gun from her Luna Ball*
    Raye: "HOLY SH*honk*, THE TODDLER HAS A GUN! A-*honk*ING-MAZING! HEADSHOT!"
    *gun fires a tiny suction-cup with a banner attached to it that says "Bang" when it hits Serena*
    Raye: "AWWW *honk*, SHE'S OKAY? AWWW!"
    Rini: *mumbles*
    Serena: "Okay, someone's gotta tell me who the *honk* this kid is!
    Lita: "Serena, you don't remember?"
    Mina: "Yeah! You were in, like, a food coma for the past seven years, and this is your daughter, Rini!"
    Serena: "WHAT? How the hell did THAT happen?"
    Lita: "Well...y'see...when a man and a woman love each other—"
    Mina: "They snuggle!"
    Lita: "Yeah. Sure, Mina. You snuggle all the time.
    Mina: "Ew, no, I hate snuggling. I just *honk* 'em and leave."
    • Venus calling the string of energy that makes up her attack "anal beads".
    • And this:
      Fiore: "We will send out the seed of my flowers!"
      Sailor Scouts: "Ewwww!"
      Fiore: "And we won't stop until the Earth is covered by my seed!"
      Sailor Scouts: "Ewwwww!"
      Serena: "Oh my God!
      Fiore: "The entire earth will die, suffocated by my seed!"
      Serena: "Okay, seriously, you need to stop. Sicko."
    • And of course, Darien in the healing tank.
      Fiore: Darien!
      Darien: Fiore... Where am I? What is this stuff?
      Fiore: It's vodka! On my planet, this is our healing substance!
      Darien: (horrified mumbling)
      (...)
      Fiore: (while Darien retches in the background) I would search for the perfect flower for you! And then, I found the perfect flower, and when I picked it up, a thought struck me: WHAT IF I DESTROYED THE WORLD! (Evil Laugh)
      Darien: Oh god... Now there's vomit floating in here.

  • Episode 45:
    Ami: Well, I don't see anything unusual.
    Raye: I don't see anything unusual.
    Lita: I don't see anything unusual, yo.
    Mina: Our current environmental surroundings do not deviate from nominal conditions!
    Everyone: WHAT?
    • And it turns out the reason why The Ditz was speaking so eloquently is because she was tripping balls at the time.
  • From Episode 46/47:
    Lita: Aw, look at the happy dysfunctional couple, yo.
    Serena: Stop making fun of me!
    Lita: Okay, I'll make fun of Amy instead. You Amy, nice Planeteers shirt, dawg. You think you're *honk*ing Gi or somethin'?
    Mina: No, she's the monkey!
  • From Episode 48/49: The whole "Oh Bloody Night" song!
    • Also, the floating tortoise. "I am not real!"
  • From Episode 50:
    • The girls' explanation as to why they didn't tell Serena earlier that they knew Anne cheated her way to becoming Snow White:
      Lita: Too drunk.
      Raye: Too drunk.
      Amy: Too drunk.
      Mina: Ketchup.
    • Mina exclaiming, "And they all lived Happily Ever After!" while Snow White is still unconscious.
      • Unless KrisRix got her Amy and Mina voices mixed up, it sounds like Mina tries to correct herself in the third person afterward.
    • Lita's frustration with her monkey costume:
      "I'm gonna go *honk*ing ape, man! And I wasn't even trying to be *honk*ing funny either, I'm gonna kill someone in a second!"
    • Serena trying to relax before the play by stuffing her fake witch nose with some cocaine she stole from Amy.
    • Lita's catch phrase of the ep:
      Lita: You know what they say: bros before hos and I am both of those. I am Sailor Jupiter, bitches!
    • This exchange.
      Lita: Hey, look, a clown!
      Raye: THAT'S MY SUIT!
  • A lot of the running gags in the SMA Bloopers are absolutely hilarious.
    Person A: *after getting tongue tied on a line* Hooked On Phonics worked for me.
    Person B: Obviously not.
    • Eric's consistently messing up his lines, which gets so bad that eventually the rest of the team decides to instantly blame him for their own mistakes and refer to any bloopers as "Making An Eric".
    • Whenever someone messes up the grammar for a line, the rest of the group would routinely descend into Engrish, with KrisRix usually doing it the hardest.
      Eric: "There's street ALL AROUND YOU! Why you chroose-oops..."
      KrisRix: "WHY YOU "CHROOOSE" IT SO MAUCH!?"